Tomorrow, I’ll Still Tread Between Reality and Dreams

Mizuki, one full case of pink monsters later, finished a costume set in record time. She even had to take a break from working on Niigo’s new music video to work on the costumes and catch up on much needed sleep.

When Mizuki woke up from her nap, she was momentarily blinded by the reddish sunset flooding her room. Déjà vu hit her like a brick flying at mach 10 speed. She literally sat and stared at the wall for a good minute before checking her phone, since a notification had woken her up.

Messages:

Suzuki hate club!!

An Shiraishi: @Mizuki Akiyama You will NOT believe who we* saw at the mall today.

An Shiraishi: *We being me, Akito, Toya, and Kohane

Mizuki Akiyama: Qjsy

An Shiraishi: ????

Mizuki Akiyama: Hi sorry I just woke uo

An Shiraishi: Why are you sleeping at almost 17:00??

Mizuki sighed.

She knew that none of them were dumb enough to start anything with one of those guys, but she couldn’t help but worry.

Not so much about An and Toya as Akito.

With a heavy sigh, Mizuki pulled herself out of her bed and got started cleaning her room.

Yes, Mizuki had already informed Rui of the pending conversation the two of them had with her mother.

Mizuki still had a mini heart attack when she heard her mother call the two of them.

After showing Emu, Nene, and Tsukasa to her room, she ran back down the stairs and into the living room, where her Rui and mother were…

Still in the small-talk phase. Good.

That ended as soon as she noticed that Mizuki was back.

“I’ll get to the point, since your friends are waiting for you two. I will say, though, that I am not mad, alright?”

Rui and Mizuki exchanged glances.

“I am curious, though, why you two were so hesitant to tell me about the ER visits.”

Mizuki didn’t understand in the slightest why she was so nervous. Her mother had just said that she wasn’t mad, it was very obvious that she was speaking from a place of concern.

Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was knowing that her mother had shed many tears out of concern for Mizuki, wondering why her daughter wouldn’t have been open about her struggles.

Why her daughter would go to such lengths to hide the fact that she had attempted to take her own life just a month ago, why her daughter had opened up about it to her friend before her own family.

“I didn’t want to scare you, that’s all. I didn’t want you to worry about me.”

Mizuki must not have been hiding her anxiety very well, because Rui took one look at her and put his hand on her shoulder.

When she looked at her mother, she immediately knew it was guilt. Pure, unfiltered guilt.

“Sweetheart, I’m your mother. It’s my job to worry about you.”

“I know, I just… You know I hate it.”

God, it was taking every last drop of self control in Mizuki’s body not to start crying.

She could not cry with guests over.

She definitely could not cry with Wonderlands x fucking Showtime in her house.

“Rui-kun.”

“Yes?”

“I cannot thank you enough. For everything. God only knows how you actually got Mizuki to agree to go to the ER and get her arm checked out.”

Oh, so not only did she know Mizuki was two seconds away from bawling, but she was trying to lighten the mood, too. How discreet.

“Mom, you try arguing with Rui. You can’t.”

“But still! I don’t even remember the last time you went to a doctor. It’s an achievement! For both of you!”

“Mom.”

Mizuki can’t recall the last time she had to give her mother that look.

The ‘for the love of all that’s holy, shut up’ look.

It wasn’t even out of embarrassment, either.

It was because she knew why Mizuki hated doctors.

Well, two reasons. One of which being that there’s… not many queer-friendly doctors in Shibuya.

The other being the overdose.

Mizuki had healed, for the most part. So had Rui. But the way she was acting about Mizuki hating doctors…

She just wasn’t in the mood.

“You know why I hate doctors.”

“I know that, honey. That’s why I’m proud of you for making progress.”

Mizuki just sighed. She loved her mother to the moon and back, but she was just not great with social cues.

“You too, Rui-kun. I’m proud of you as well.”

“I appreciate it, Akiyama-san.”

“And you know that if you ever need anything, just let us know, okay? You’re family.”

“I will. Thank you.”

Several hugs later, Mizuki and Rui were finally free, grabbing snacks from the kitchen.

“She’s wrong.”

Mizuki whispered, turning to Rui as she pulled a couple plates from the cabinet.

“About what?”

“Me making progress. I’m not, I keep taking steps backwards.”

Rui stopped what he was doing, turning to face Mizuki with his back against the counter.

“Why do you say that?”

“I had a nightmare about it. When I was at Ena’s house. I’m still having nightmares about the more recent one.”

She didn’t even want to think about it. She could practically feel the cold bathroom tiles on her skin, just talking about it.

She could almost feel the life leaving her body.

“You didn’t hear anything I just said, did you?”

Mizuki froze, giving him a sheepish look.

“Nope.”

Rui sighed as Mizuki passed him the plates.

“First of all, it makes sense that you’d have nightmares about both attempts, considering it's only been a month since the last one. Your brain is likely conflating the two events whilst trying to process them.”

Mizuki nodded, albeit slowly, as she grabbed a box of cookies from the pantry.

“Second, no recovery process is linear. Sometimes you have to take one step back to take two steps forward.”

“I know, it’s just…”

“Exhausting. I get it. The important thing is, though, that it will pass. Remember that.”

The two exchanged one last hug before they returned to the rest of the group.

Not even ten minutes had gone by, and when Rui and Mizuki opened the door, Emu and Tsukasa were re-enacting Hamilton. Meanwhile, Nene was sitting on the edge of Mizuki’s bed, funneling all of her attention into her game.

Mizuki ended up taking at least five pictures before Emu and Tsukasa noticed their presence.

“We brought snacks.”

That was enough to make Nene look up from her phone, and convince Emu and Tsukasa to take a break from their theater kid shenanigans.

Mizuki set the snacks down on her coffee table, then ran off to go find the costumes.

“Why did you guys break up, anyway? You seem to be on exceptionally good terms, as far as exes go.”

And there you have it, folks; Tsukasa Tenma, the only man to challenge Akito’s inability to read the room.

“We, uhm…”

Rui hesitantly turned to Mizuki, exchanging looks with her before she started explaining.

“We had… issues, at the time, and we ended up deciding that we needed to work on ourselves before being in relationships.”

Emu and Tsukasa seemed satisfied by that answer.

Nene still looked a little lost, though. She didn’t bring it up until about fifteen minutes later, when Emu and Tsukasa were messing around and not paying attention.

“Why didn’t you just say you had a girlfriend?”

Mizuki froze, her finger hovering over her phone screen.

Rui glanced up from the script he was flipping through.

“Pardon?”

“You mentioned a couple times that you were dating someone, back in middle school, but you went through a lot of trouble to avoid mentioning their gender, so I just assumed you were dating a guy. Why hide that you were dating a girl?”

Nene hadn’t looked up from her phone, so she was blissfully unaware of the sheer panic on Mizuki’s face. Rui was more caught off guard than anything, but Mizuki was downright terrified. She flat out forgot how to breathe.

“I… had my reasons for that, Nene.”

“Yeah. Reasons.”

Nene eventually noticed the panic in Mizuki’s tone, finally pausing her game and looking up from her phone. She stared at Rui for a moment, then turned her gaze over to Mizuki, then back to Rui. The two could practically hear the gears in her head turning, and in literally any other scenario, it would’ve been hilarious.

Then it clicked.

“Oh. Ohhh. I’m… so sorry.”

“No, it’s alright. I’m going to go find… measuring tape. I’ll be back.”

Mizuki grabbed her phone and quite literally ran away. Like, she hadn’t run that fast since the cultural festival.

Group Messages:

Suzuki hate club!!

Mizuki Akiyama: OH MY GOD

Mizuki Akiyama: OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD

Mizuki Akiyama: I’M ACTUALLY GONNA JUMP

Mizuki Akiyama: FUCK

Mizuki Akiyama: FUCK

Mizuki Akiyama: FUCK

“And mind you, I was in a ranked match, so I couldn’t just switch tabs and turn it off. I had to play an entire round with that cover playing at full volume. Then I went to the arcade with them the next day, and I had to act like nothing happened! Do you know how long that intro haunted me for? Months!!”

Emu was trying so hard to take her girlfriend seriously, but she looked like she was going to implode if she didn’t laugh soon.

Rui and Tsukasa had long abandoned the whole ‘not laughing’ thing. They were literally rolling on the ground, tears streaming down their faces.

They hadn’t even listened to the song yet.

“It couldn’t have been that bad.”

Nene turned to give Mizuki the heaviest of side eyes.

“You’re not going to trick me into— Actually, if you guys want to traumatize yourselves, be my guest. I’m covering my ears and protecting my peace.”

It took at least ten minutes for the whole group to calm down enough to play the damn song.

It took another ten minutes afterwards for everyone to stop giggling.

“So you guys are performing outside at that skiing resort, right?”

Mizuki had already hung the costumes up on her clothing rack earlier, and she sat back down with a few pieces of fabric in hand. She received four nods, but Rui was the first to respond. Considering he was their director, that made sense.

“Yes, I’ve been working on weather-proofing Robo-Nene for the past week in hopes of avoiding any technical issues on set.”

Mizuki didn’t say anything. She just passed the fabric samples over to Rui.

“…How many stores did you have to go to in order to find fleece-lined fabric?”

Mizuki had a massive grin on her face. It was the most she had smiled in weeks, Rui figured.

“I didn’t. I made it myself.”

Mizuki had all but three seconds to prepare herself for the ‘wonderhoy attack,’ or in other words, getting full-speed tackled by Emu and landing on the ground, about a centimeter away from another concussion.

Eventually, Emu released her, and Mizuki was able to keep talking as the fabric samples made their way around the group.

“It was easier than you’d think, actually. The only difficult part was actually working with the fabric, since the fleece made it thicker. Plus, since I wasn’t buying fabric that was already fleece-lined, I had more freedom in what fabrics I could actually use. In my humble opinion, I consider this a success.”

There was only one way to find out, of course.

Eventually, they did get around to trying on the costumes. Everything went smoothly; no loose threads, no messy seams, no incorrect measurements. The only thing that needed adjusting was the belt loops on Rui’s jacket, and she had put off finalizing those on purpose so the placement wouldn’t look awkward.

“Mizuki.”

So why couldn’t she move on?

“Hm?”

Nene didn’t care.

“You’re shaking.”

Why did Mizuki care so much?

“Am I?”

She was.

She knew she was.

That question was rhetorical.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Rui’s question was rhetorical too.

Mizuki obviously wasn’t okay. She was shaking like a leaf, dissociating, barely grounded, and damn near hyperventilating.

“Mizuki?”

Mizuki jumped a little when Rui put his hand on her shoulder. It stung more than he’d like to admit.

“Are you alright?”

She just stood there for a moment, staring blankly at him like a deer in headlights.

“I… don’t know?”

Mizuki stopped stitching for a moment, biting her lip.

Rui stared back for a moment before letting out a soft sigh.

“If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. Alright?”

Mizuki nodded briefly before getting Wonderhoyed again.

Rui didn’t miss the way she flinched as Emu wrapped her arms around Mizuki’s sides, and she was well aware that he saw it. That was an entirely different conversation.

“What’s wrong?”

Could Emu read minds, or was she just eavesdropping on the two of them?

Given the awkward glance they received from Nene across the room, it was more likely the latter.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Mizuki forced a smile, ruffling the other girl’s hair.

That just made Emu hug her tighter. The girl was practically pulverizing Mizuki’s ribs at this point.

How did she know?

A moment passed before Emu looked up at Mizuki, who was met with a warm, blinding smile.

“It’s okay.”

This time, Mizuki’s smile was real.

Ena got taken out of daytime classes again.

God damn it.

Mizuki didn’t bother showing up for the first several days after break. She only came to school on time that next Monday because An and Akito needed a third person for their group project.

“I knew it.”

Not even a ‘hello.’ Not even a ‘how are you.’

Really, An?

“Good morning?”

“You were only showing up because Ena was going to be here. I knew it.”

Mizuki turned around, giving An the most completely and utterly unamused expression she could muster.

What she didn’t do, though, was deny it.

It was pointless anyway. About as pointless as trying to argue with Rui.

“You’re not denying it.”

“Yeah, it’s too early for this, and I got shit sleep. What’s the project?”

Akito slid the sheet with the project requirements across the desk, towards Mizuki.

“Stay up late? I know Ena did.”

“No, I logged off early last night. Nightmares.”

“Again? Damn.”

Mizuki had never wanted to bash her head through a window more in her life.

She was complaining about her nightmares enough that fucking Akito was picking up on it.

She might as well just end—

“Girl, you need therapy. That’s not normal.”

“Yeah.”

Mizuki let out an overdramatic sigh, turning her chair around to face the two of them.

“I’ve had several experiences with therapists, and none of them were good.”

An and Akito exchanged silent, skeptical looks before the former turned back to Mizuki.

“‘Not good’ as in…?”

“I’ll put it in the group chat.”

“Okay…?”

Group Messages:

Suzuki hate club!!

Mizuki Akiyama: “If you just accepted that you’re a guy, you wouldn’t have all these problems.”

Mizuki Akiyama: —Somehow a licensed therapist

Rui Kamishiro: Oh I remember that one.

Rui Kamishiro: That’s the one that called me an attention whore, right?

Mizuki Akiyama: Mhm

An Shiraishi: GIRL.

“What a hypocrite.”

Mizuki scoffed, locking her phone before setting it down on the desk and continuing her work.

“How could he have gotten my number, though? I don’t just give it away to anyone, and for this exact reason!”

Suzuki had not only gotten Rui and Mizuki’s number, but a couple of old pictures of them.

Specifically, pictures of them from middle school.

“Didn’t our numbers get leaked in middle school?”

“You think he held onto our numbers for that long?”

Rui pondered the idea for a moment before turning back to Mizuki with a shrug.

“Technically, it could’ve been one of his friends, but I still wouldn’t put it past him.”

Mizuki sat down in one of the library’s chairs, screaming into her palms.

“Me too.”

Rui let out a heavy, exasperated sigh, sinking into the chair beside Mizuki.

“Damn, what happened to you two?”

Mizuki and Rui looked up at An at the same time. In any other situation, it would’ve been funny.

“Suzuki happened.”

Mizuki glanced over the messages once more before turning her phone off.

“What about Suzuki?”

Akito rounded the corner with Toya, walking over towards An.

“Suzuki got me and Rui’s numbers, and he’s been sending us old pictures of us from middle school, among other things.”

“Meaning…?”

“The usual, I guess. How about you?”

Mizuki turned to look at Rui, who was still typing rather rapidly.

“…Can I bomb him? Please?”

Maybe it was simply because he didn’t bother looking up from his phone, but Rui seemed a little too serious for Mizuki’s liking.

Apparently, An was thinking the same thing, because she promptly peered over Rui’s shoulder at the messages.

“Come on, Kamishiro-senpai, it cant possibly be that—“

If Akito, Toya, and Mizuki all had to agree on one thing, it would be that they had never seen a smile vanish from someone’s face as fast as An’s did in that moment.

“Oh my god.”

It took less than a second before Mizuki was holding her hand out expectantly.

“Rui. Let me see it.”

Rui glanced over at Mizuki, then back to the messages for a moment.

“Are you sure?”

“Dude. Just give me the phone.”

With great reluctance, Rui passed Mizuki the phone.

She probably should’ve taken his warning more seriously.

Messages:

Unknown Number: < 2 Attachments >

Unknown Number: This you and your little bitch?

Rui Kamishiro: Have you nothing better to do?

Unknown Number: Have you no one better to do?

Unknown Number: I mean, you’re pretty weird, but Akiyama? You’re scraping the bottom of the barrel at that point.

Unknown Number: I would think you can do better than that thing.

Rui Kamishiro: I have a boyfriend, mind you.

“Wow.”

“That bad?”

Mizuki didn’t even say anything else, just silently passed the phone to Akito.

Mizuki hadn’t ever seen Akito get genuinely angry before. The closest she had gotten to seeing him actually pissed off was a month ago, when Suzuki had attacked her, but she could hardly remember anything from that day.

This was, quite honestly, a little terrifying.

Toya, on the other hand, was completely dumbfounded. Flabbergasted, if you will.

“Jesus fucking Christ…”

That was new.

Toya rarely, if at all, cursed in public.

Especially at school.

“Yeah, can Rui bomb him?”

“I wish.”

Mizuki unlocked her own phone again, watching message after message pop up.

“If he did, then Suzuki would probably drag Tsukasa-senpai into this whole thing. Especially since he already knows Rui’s dating someone.”

Her sentence was punctuated by a brief side eye towards Rui, who completely ignored the passive-aggressive remark.

“She is right, Shinonome-kun. It’s essentially the same reason why you can’t do anything. If he can’t go after you, he’ll gladly go after Aoyagi-kun instead.”

Mizuki just nodded, eyes still glued to her phone. Akito just sighed, and Toya frowned for a moment before responding.

“And the school won’t do anything? At all?”

“Not enough.”

Mizuki took a couple screenshots as she spoke.

“If we reported him for anything, the most the school could do is suspend him for a few days. He’d come back and do the same shit, if not worse. It’s just not worth it.”

“So… appeasement?”

Mizuki and Rui looked up from their phones, and Akito and An turned to face Toya.

“What? That’s what it is.”

Rui stared blankly at him for a minute.

“How long have you been studying for that test?”

“We have a test later?”

It took every bone in Mizuki’s body not to make some sort of joke alluding to her demise. There were very few people who would take it worse than An, Akito, and Toya.

“Yes, next period.”

“Can I jump?”

“Excuse me?”

Mizuki’s 206 bones worth of effort was, apparently, not enough.

“Is that a no?”

“Do not jump out of a window. Do you want to look over my notes?”

Mizuki nodded. Toya’s notes never disappoint.

Eventually, Rui was dragged away by his loving boyfriend, and Mizuki’s thoughts alternated between World War Two and the texts from Suzuki.

He didn’t really think she was a whore, right?

He was just trying to get under her skin. He doesn’t really believe that.

Did he?

He didn’t genuinely believe she was sleeping with every single one of her friends. He was just trying to get a rise out of her. That’s all it was.

Name dropping all her friends, saying they only hang around her for that, he’s just making it all up, right??

Right??

“Hello? Earth to Mizuki??”

Mizuki wasn’t ignoring her friends, per se, but their voices were going in one ear and out the other, drowned out by her spiraling thoughts.

“Amia.”

That got Mizuki’s attention. Why she’d respond to her Nightcord username before her actual government name was beyond Akito, but it was a victory nonetheless.

“What?? How do you—“

“We’re still in a library. Stop yelling.”

Mizuki had already put down her pencil and her notebook, unlocking her phone and beelining straight to Nightcord. Somehow, it felt more likely that she’d respond there than on her regular Messages app.

Nightcord:

Nightcord at 25:00

Amia: @Enanan WHY DIDNT YPU TRLL ME AKITO KNPWS

Enanan: About??

Amia: I WAS IVNORING HYM AND HE CALLED MW AMIA WHY DOES HE KNIW AVOUF TJST

Amia: IN FRINT PF AN AND TOTA TOO

Enanan: Jesus fucking christ

Enanan: We live in the same house and the walls are *not* soundproof, ofc he’s overheard our calls

“But how!! Why!! Why do you— Ugh…”

Mizuki buried her head in her arms, earning a heavy sigh from Akito.

Toya and An were equally lost, and neither of the aforementioned parties seemed particularly interested in explaining.

An would have to do her own research on ‘Amia’ later.

“I live with Ena, mind you. Plus, there’s not much noise aside from your group calls at one in the morning, so it’s not like I have to try to overhear it.”

“I know, but like…! Why??”

Akito gave up on reasoning with her after that. Actually, Mizuki only lifted her head from her arms when she started getting notifications from Nightcord.

Nightcord:

Nightcord at 25:00

K: Enanan’s brother?

Enanan: Unfortunately.

K: If he knows that much, does he know about the group itself as well?

Amia: God I hope not

Enanan: Yeah?

“It really isn’t that serious.”

“Stop reading my texts!!”

“Stop freaking out.”

“But—“

Another notification.

Nightcord:

Nightcord at 25:00

Yuki: Enanan is correct.

Yuki: You’re overreacting.

K: To be fair, I believe several of Yuki’s juniors listen to our music. I don’t think it is the end of the world.

Amia: …

Enanan: Akito is NOT worth freaking out over

“If you do that shit again, I will throw you into traffic.”

“Not if I throw you into traffic first.”

“That’s not even a threat.”

Toya and An got way too quiet, way too fast for Mizuki’s liking.

“…Kidding. That was a joke.”

While An and Toya were busy communicating in silent, concerned glances, Akito brushed it off rather quickly.

Too quickly.

Suspiciously quickly.

That was a conversation for another time, for just the two of them, if at all.

“Seriously, though. Are you okay?”

Mizuki wasn’t the slightest bit surprised that An was worrying the most, but at the same time, she hated it beyond measure.

Toya didn’t exactly say anything, but he nodded, glancing momentarily at An before returning his attention to Mizuki.

Mizuki, letting out a chagrined sigh, tucked her notebook into her bag and slid Toya’s notebook across the table.

“An, stop worrying about me. I’m fine.”

Her words carried a much colder, more defensive tone than she had intended, and she was more than aware that all three of her friends noticed it. Even so, despite the logical tinge of guilt that tugged at her heart, she was secretly grateful she came off so distant. There was an undeniable sense of security from behind the walls she was putting up, and a part of her was almost eager to sink into them.

Still, Mizuki knew better than to listen to that corner of her mind.

They just cared about her. They weren’t doing anything wrong by being concerned.

If anyone was wrong, it was Mizuki.

“I mean, if this is about the whole thing with Suzuki, then—“

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

An was acting with the purest of intentions. Mizuki knew that.

She just… couldn’t handle that conversation right now.

“I'm going to go bother Rui and his boyfriend. Thanks for the notes, Toya.”

Toya did respond, probably something along the lines of ‘no problem’ or ‘anytime,’ but by then, Mizuki was out of earshot.

Mizuki had absolutely zero intention of looking for Rui or Tsukasa. She just needed to get away. Hell, she didn’t even know what she was going to do, she just needed to be alone for a bit.

They still had 20 minutes before the bell even rang, and Mizuki was aware that, if not An, Toya or Akito would text Rui, asking if she ever showed up.

She was also aware that Rui would be worried sick and assume the worst.

Regardless, as soon as she finished her history text, she left school and went home without saying a word to anyone.

The consequences of her actions were a problem for future Mizuki.