Chapter 5
Wednesday : 7:14 AM
Ena was up, by her standards, at an ungodly hour in the morning; the sun was hardly peeking over the distant horizon, and it was too chilly out to open any windows. Attempting to be quiet, Ena sifted through the pantry in search of something to eat. Eventually she settled on apple cinnamon oatmeal, which she stirred in a bowl with some milk and microwaved for a couple minutes. Ena made herself some coffee while her oatmeal was in the microwave before bringing both over to the table, doomscrolling while waiting for her oatmeal to cool off.
“You’re up early.”
Ena looked over her shoulder, trying to figure out whether Akito or Shinei was talking to her. She’s relieved to see Akito, Ena hated being alone with her father, conversations with him had been dry at best ever since Ena was in middle school.
“I thought you were dad for a second…”
Ena sighs, taking a sip of her coffee as she looks over her notifications. She had forgotten about the conversation she had with Kamishiro, if you could even call it a conversation in the first place. It was more like a criminal interrogation, now that she thinks about it.
Akito shrugs off Ena’s comment, glancing over her shoulder at her phone. With her finger hovering over the notifications from Kamishiro, she rubs her eyes with a huff.
“I was kind of mean to him, wasn’t I…?”
Akito sets his phone down on the table across from Ena, noticing her conflicted expression.
“‘Kind of mean’ would be an understatement, but yeah.”
Ena, taking a bite of her oatmeal, stares at the messages for a moment before clicking on them.
Direct messages:
Tuesday : 18:41
Rui Kamishiro: I apologize if I seemed dismissive, I just don’t want to overshare on Mizuki’s behalf.
Rui Kamishiro: I will let Mizuki know that you called. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.
Read 7:23
That just made Ena feel worse. Damn Kamishiro for being so polite. She turned her phone off, setting it face-down on the table before burying her face in her hands.
“God, I feel like shit. Why was I acting like that yesterday?”
Ena groaned, feeling guilt scraping at the inside of her chest. She was doing the math of the whole situation, and it wasn’t adding up at all. Why did she care so much about what had already happened, anyway?
Judging by the look on Akito’s face, it didn’t make sense to him, either. Sitting down across from Ena, protein bar in hand, he just shook his head indecisively.
“No idea.”
A long pause followed, until he eventually added:
“Actually, I do, but you’re probably going to get mad at me for it.”
Ena curiously lifted her head off her palms, confused.
“Huh? Why would I— Just tell me.”
She sighed, lacking the energy to argue. In fact, she lacked the energy to do anything. Maybe coming to school on time wasn’t worth it.
“Maybe you were jealous?”
Exactly as Akito had predicted, Ena immediately got pissed.
”What the fuck? Why would I—“
Until his words sunk in, at least. Ena slumped against the table, burying her face in her hands again with a heavy sigh.
“Fuck, I hate it when you’re actually right…”
Ena almost dozed off after that, her eyes wouldn’t stay open no matter how hard she tried and the warmth radiating from her coffee was almost like crawling back into bed. For once, though, her brother’s teasing did her a favor.
“Hey, if you’re going back to sleep, can I have your coffee?”
Akito asked, ever-so-slowly sliding Ena’s coffee away from her and towards his side of the table. The instant flare of annoyance fueled Ena with enough energy to smack Akito’s hand away.
“No…”
Ena mumbled sleepily, taking her coffee back and drinking the remaining half cup of coffee from the mug. A couple minutes later, after she finished her oatmeal, she took her dishes to the kitchen and grabbed one of Akito’s energy drinks on her way out, which he immediately called her out on.
“Hey, those are my energy drinks.”
Ena turned, glancing at the protein bar in his hand.
“Yeah, and you’re eating one of my protein bars, so I don’t want to hear it.”
She cracked the can open, bringing it with her as she went back upstairs to do her makeup.
Mizuki didn’t wake up to an alarm; she woke up to a text message.
Who could possibly be texting her at… 7:32?
Nightcord:
Enanan: Are you actually coming to school today like you said or can I go back to sleep?
Mizuki smiled at her phone. Then Mizuki actually processed that she was smiling over a text.
Just friends.
Nightcord:
Amia: Yes, I’m coming to school, I’m not a liar
Amia: Did you really get up this early just for me, Ena?~
Enanan: No comment.
Mizuki accidentally rolled onto her bad arm trying to drag herself out of bed, which woke her up faster than it should’ve.
Her arm. Right.
She sat up, reaching into her nightstand drawer and pulled out her bandages.
Wait, no, she had to wash her hands first. She stood up, very slowly in hopes that she wouldn’t fall right back onto her bed, and after waiting a moment for her body to adjust to being upright, she walked into her bathroom.
Mizuki figured that since she was already in her bathroom, she might as well wash her face, right? She was actually excited to wash her face, since she had just bought a new cleanser recently.
As soon as Mizuki was done washing her face, she opened up the cabinet and started her skincare. By the time she was done, she couldn’t remember why she had gone in there to begin with.
Something to do with bandages?
Oh right, her arm. She had to wash her hands.
Was she getting dumber, or was Rui right about upping her intake?
Probably the latter.
Mizuki washed her hands thoroughly, just as the nurse had told her, and wiped her hands off on her shirt. Almost subconsciously, Mizuki pulled the shirt up a little, staring intently at the older scars on her sides.
Damn Rui for being so observant, she really had lost a lot of weight.
Mizuki felt a strange, melancholic feeling as she ran her fingers over the scars; the ones from middle school were almost gone. She couldn’t quite comprehend why it made her sad, they were just another sad remnant of who she used to be.
Maybe it fell under the same category as feeling validated when she relapsed.
Maybe the two feelings would cancel out?
She should—
No. No, Mizuki, stop thinking like that. It’s too early for this, for these kinds of thoughts. She shut the bathroom door (slammed it, more like) and walked back over to her bed where she left her bandages.
Somehow, the bandages had gotten stuck to Mizuki’s stitches, and peeling the bandages out of the stitches and out of the wound hurt a hell of a lot more than the cut itself. Did she just… forget how disgusting relapses were?? She deeply regretted not grabbing a Q-tip or something to dab the antibiotic cream onto the wound with, sticking her finger into that deep of a cut made her want to puke. Nonetheless, she made it work, and wrapped clean bandages around her arm afterwards.
Clean bandages that didn’t smell like hot roadkill.
Mizuki opted to do her hair and makeup as opposed to eating breakfast, considering she was bound to throw up anything she ate after putting that antibiotic cream on with her finger. She actually felt pretty good about herself when she was done, her hair looked good and her new cleanser made her skin look extra glowy under her makeup. Since she had lost weight, her clothes didn’t cling to her body as much, so she didn’t really feel as dysphoric as she usually did at this hour.
When Mizuki started on her route to school, she honestly, truthfully, felt good.
Almost too good.
“Ena, are you sure you want to come to school? You’re like a zombie right now.”
Akito commented, glancing over at his sister after he had to pull the ‘mom arm’ move on her before they crossed the street.
“Mhmm…”
Ena hummed sleepily, carefully rubbing her eyes with a yawn. How was she sleepy enough to nearly walk into traffic, but awake enough not to ruin her makeup?
“I’m sure… Mizuki’s gonna be there…”
Akito stared at Ena for a long moment, eventually dragging her with him as they crossed the street. He doesn’t comment on it, considering Ena was probably far too exhausted to give him an answer anyways, but he was starting to wonder if there was something else going on between them.
Speak of the devil, he thought, there was a familiar pink blob in the distance, about a block ahead of the Shinonomes.
“Is that Mizuki…?”
Ena mumbled, squinting at the figure.
“I think so…”
Akito joined Ena in squinting at the pink blob as they continued walking towards it. Eventually, the pink blob turned around, looking into the shortening distance before shouting,
“Morning Ena, morning lil bro!”
She giggled to herself a bit, actually. The Shinonomes had such good hearing, but their eyesight? Not as lucky. Maybe it has to do with their shared hatred for carrots, Mizuki wonders. Without a second thought, she starts walking towards them, and Ena finally processes that Mizuki is basically right in front of them.
“Mizuki, hey…”
Ena fails to pretend she’s awake, and of course Mizuki notices. She turns to Akito with a teasing glint in her eyes.
“Have you been dragging her with you since you guys left the house…?”
“Yep. She’s not a morning person…”
Mizuki smiled, looking over at Ena, who was barely awake.
“Enanan…~”
Mizuki whispered, nudging her shoulder. Ena woke up a little from that, and Mizuki could’ve sworn that she saw Ena blush a little bit, but she decides not to mention it. At least now she was walking without Akito basically having to haul her like cargo.
Ena didn’t go straight to class when the three of them got to school, she had to go to guidance to get her schedule flipped over to daytime classes. As she was walking back to the first class on her new schedule, she had a few minutes of tranquil silence to just think.
Why did Ena get so jealous of Rui Kamishiro?
Getting jealous of Mafuyu made perfect sense. Mafuyu had everything Ena ever wanted; Mafuyu had talent. Mafuyu didn’t have to fight tooth and nail for every ounce of recognition she ever received, Mafuyu didn’t have to try to be good at anything.
Anyone, and everyone, had every right to be jealous of Mafuyu Asahina.
What didn’t make sense was being jealous of Kamishiro. And respectfully, she couldn’t see what he had that she was jealous of.
Unless she was just jealous that he was closer to Mizuki than she was.
That just confused Ena more. She had been jealous of her friends having other friends before, arguably pretty often. Why was Mizuki different?
The math wasn’t mathing again.
Ena didn’t have time to think about it, because she had walked past her first class and ended up near her locker. Figuring she might as well offload some things from her bag into her locker, Ena started putting some books for her later classes away. When she was done, she stood up, shut her locker, and stared at it for a moment.
She probably shouldn’t—
Too late, she already kicked the door of her locker.
And dented it.
Ena sighed, eyes trailing down to the depression in the metal.
“Fuck.”
As soon as Ena had gone off to the guidance office, Akito and Mizuki were headed to the same place. Even though they were in different classes, they had the same first period as all the other second years in English, since there was only one English teacher for Kamiyama and another public high school nearby.
As soon as Ena was gone, Mizuki was absolutely silent.
The fact that she was in this situation made her doubt the existence of any higher power a little bit more, since she had prayed that neither Shinonome find out that she relapsed, and both Shinonomes found out she relapsed.
In a Mizuki-typical attempt to fill the void of awkward, deafening silence, Mizuki looked over at Akito for a moment before speaking quietly.
“If anyone asks you, just say I had to get a tetanus shot or something. For the love of God, do not tell anyone that I had to get stitches because I relapsed, I do not need to have that conversation with anyone else.”
Akito nodded, though it crossed his mind just how serious Mizuki looked. Obviously, it was understandable, but he hadn’t really ever seen, or heard Mizuki look that serious. It felt significant, for some reason.
He also made a mental note of how Mizuki looked around and over her shoulder after she stopped speaking. She did a double take looking over her shoulder, actually, and then she started to panic a little.
“Ohhh no…”
Mizuki started walking a little faster, so Akito sped up to keep up with her. Mizuki started whispering, trying to keep her voice down.
“Shit, this is really, really bad…”
Akito still didn’t know what was going on, so he quietly whispered back.
“Why are you freaking out…?”
Mizuki kept speeding up, which only confused Akito more. She responded as they rounded a corner,
“Can’t say yet.”
They eventually reached their English classroom, and Mizuki had a brief moment of relief upon realizing nobody else was there yet. She didn’t say anything yet, though, not until she saw someone who’d been walking behind them pass. Mizuki, however, kept panicking.
“That guy was listening to that entire conversation, Akito.”
Akito tilted his head, confused.
“Do you know that guy? Why would he care about our conversation?”
Mizuki was pacing in circles around a desk at this point, fidgeting with the rings on her fingers.
“Do I know him? He’s been harassing me since middle school, does that count?”
Mizuki sighed, trying to slow down her breathing. She unlocked her phone, opened the Messages app, and started typing.
“You have no idea how absolutely fucked I am, this guy is insane.”
Direct Messages:
Mizuki Akiyama: Rui.
Mizuki Akiyama: Suzuki found out.
Mizuki Akiyama: I’m so screwed.
Rui Kamishiro: About the ER?
Mizuki Akiyama: Everything.
Mizuki Akiyama: I was telling Akito that if anyone asks why I was there to just say I needed a tetanus shot so I don’t have to explain to people that I relapsed and Suzuki was fucking following us.
Rui Kamishiro: Oh that’s worse than I thought
Rui Kamishiro: Do you want to talk about it later?
Mizuki Akiyama: It’s gonna rain later so we can’t go to the rooftop sadly
Mizuki Akiyama: Construction area?
Rui Kamishiro: Ok.
Rui Kamishiro: Shinonome switched over to daytime classes, I can tell her to meet us there if you want?
Mizuki Akiyama: Please do
Rui Kamishiro: Okay, see you then
Mizuki set her phone down on her desk, then picked it back up and checked the time before putting it back down. She glanced into the hall, then turned back to Akito.
“I would explain what this guy did but I’d rather not do so with other people around… I’m gonna meet up with Ena and Rui during lunch to talk about it though, if you want…?”
Part of Mizuki was praying that he’d say no. If he said yes, Mizuki would have to explain her secret, and she always preferred to avoid that conversation.
Logically, she knew he wouldn’t care.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t scared.
“Sure, why not?”
His words snapped Mizuki out of her mental spiral.
“Okay.”
She just nodded, and didn't say anything else.
Mostly because An jumpscared her again.
“Good morning Akito and Mizuki!”
An greeted the two as she dropped her bag next to Akito’s. She turned to Mizuki, expecting a response, but was instead met with a stressed look on her face.
“Mizuki? You good?”
Mizuki sighed, shaking her head.
“There’s too many people here already, I’ll text you.”
An suddenly pulled Mizuki into a hug, and for whatever reason, it made Mizuki want to cry.
Their English teacher finally showed up, though, so the three of them took their seats. Mizuki took her phone out and started typing.
Direct Messages:
Mizuki Akiyama: So remember when you jumpscared me yesterday and I was texting Rui
Mizuki Akiyama: And we were gonna talk about “something kind of serious” after supplementary classes
An Shiraishi: Mhm?
Mizuki Akiyama: And after that we went to the ER?
An Shiraishi: Mhm
Mizuki Akiyama: Don’t freak out
Mizuki Akiyama: But the reason we went to the ER was because when I was isolating myself and ghosting everybody I relapsed and the wound got infected so Rui wanted me to get it checked out
An Shiraishi: Oh.
Mizuki Akiyama: Basically what happened last night was I fell asleep in the waiting room and Ena called Rui and started yelling at him so she found out basically everything via interrogating him and Akito found out because he was in the room with Ena while she was yelling at Rui
An Shiraishi: If you heard me giggle at that no you didn’t.
Mizuki Akiyama: It’s a little funny
Mizuki Akiyama: What isn’t funny is that when me and Akito were walking here I was telling him what excuse to use if anyone asked him about the whole ER thing and Suzuki was following us and heard everything :(
An Shiraishi: What the fuck
An Shiraishi: That freak omg
Mizuki Akiyama: RIGHT??
An Shiraishi: Btw are you sure you’re okay?
An Shiraishi: Mentally, I mean
Mizuki Akiyama: As long as that freak leaves me alone I’ll be fine
Mizuki Akiyama: Unfortunately, that can’t be guaranteed
An Shiraishi: If you need anything, please tell me, okay?
Mizuki Akiyama: Ofc, thank you :)
An Shiraishi: No problem !
Mizuki Akiyama: Meet me in the construction area during lunch, we can talk more about it then?
An Shiraishi: Okay!!
Group Messages:
11:17 : Mizuki Akiyama created the group: “Suzuki hate club!!”
Mizuki Akiyama added Rui Kamishiro, An Shiraishi, Ena Shinonome, Akito Shinonome
Mizuki Akiyama: Ok so once you get to the first hall of the construction area, there should be a left turn at the end of the hall
Mizuki Akiyama: That’s where I’ll be
Mizuki Akiyama: @Rui Kamishiro @Akito Shinonome Don’t bring your boyfriends
An Shiraishi: LMFAOOO
Ena Shinonome: HELP WHATTT
Akito Shinonome: AKIYAMA.
Rui Kamishiro: Damn okay
Mizuki, unsurprisingly, showed up first. Rui and Ena showed up second, around 11:24. Mizuki waved to them both, but she spoke to Ena first.
“Hey. So, does lil bro know the secret…?”
Ena shook her head.
“No, unless someone else told him and we don’t know about it. Why?”
Mizuki glanced around the dimly lit hallway with a long sigh.
“It’s relevant to the stuff I’m planning on sharing, so…”
“So you plan on telling him?”
Ena asked, her voice near a whisper. Mizuki nodded, fidgeting with her rings again.
“He was there when I was freaking out about Suzuki following us, so I don’t think this would make any sense if I don’t tell him. Plus, I’d rather him find out now, as opposed to being put in a situation like you were in…”
Ena nodded, looking over at Rui before returning her eyes to Mizuki.
“It’s your choice, Mizuki. I don’t think he’ll care, honestly…”
“Yeah… Plus, An and Rui already know, so he’d be the only one who didn’t.”
Mizuki stopped talking when she heard footsteps. Hesitantly, she peeked around the corner, and sighed in relief when she recognized the two people approaching.
“Hey.”
Mizuki waved, earning two waves in return. When An and Akito rounded the corner, An looked at Ena and Mizuki before promptly commenting,
“Six months.”
Akito flicked An’s forehead in response, while Mizuki exchanged a look with Ena.
Mizuki really hoped that went over Ena’s head.
Mizuki walked over to a storage bin and sat down on top of it. Ena followed her, sitting down on top of the bin next to Mizuki’s. Rui stood a couple feet away from Mizuki, leaning against the wall, while An and Akito did the same, leaning against the wall opposite of Rui.
“Damn, this is awkward…”
Mizuki whispered, sighing again before speaking.
“So… Suzuki, the guy who was following me and Akito this morning. He’s really homophobic, somehow even more transphobic, just an overall horrible person, and he does not like me. At all. He has obviously called me names and spread rumors about me, but he figured out pretty quickly that he can very easily overpower me physically, so he usually just attacks me.”
Mizuki paused, mentally planning the rest of her words and trying not to let herself panic.
“He hasn’t had anything new to bother me about lately because I disappeared off the face of the Earth for a solid month and a half, but now he knows about… the whole thing with me relapsing and going to the ER and all that. So at a bare minimum, he’s gonna start telling anyone who will listen about that, and more likely than not, he’s gonna jump me again. I already saw him more often than usual today, so I know he’s planning something, I just don’t know when he’s actually going to do anything.”
Ena looked over at Mizuki, waiting for a moment before asking,
“Was Suzuki one of the guys that was on the rooftop after the festival?”
Mizuki shook her head.
“No, but he’s friends with the guy that asked if you were a guy.”
“Oh. That figures.”
Ena sighed, turning back to Akito and remembering, again, that whispering was pointless around him.
“Why do I even bother whispering around him…”
Akito shrugged, looking at An and Rui before responding.
“Mizuki, don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t care if you’re trans.”
Ena immediately glanced back at Mizuki.
“Called it.”
In Mizuki-typical fashion, she was quick to dodge the topic. It still felt weird, telling people about it. She still wanted to run away whenever anyone brought it up.
Mizuki did appreciate the acceptance, but for some stupid reason, it made her feel sick.
“Cool. Anyways. Last time Suzuki jumped me, he got in trouble, so this time might be worse. I’m making sure that you guys are aware that this is probably inevitable so that I’m not completely screwed when it does, I guess.”
Mizuki didn’t know if everyone else was just thinking, or if she had trauma-dumped a little too close to the sun, but the next several minutes were filled with complete and utter silence.
The suffocating, deafening, ears-ringing kind of silence.
Mizuki didn’t like silence. Silence made her thoughts way too loud for comfort.
Rui, of all people, broke said silence.
“Unrelated, but have you eaten today?”
Mizuki slowly turned over towards Rui, giving him a sheepish look.
“No…?”
Rui sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. If Mizuki wasn’t aware that she was about to get a science-related lecture, she’d probably think it was comical.
That, unfortunately, wasn’t the case.
“Mizuki, if you start with a very low blood sugar, then you eat straight carbs and nothing else after, then your blood sugar spikes and crashes, and considering how low your blood sugar was yesterday, it’s going to be lower today. Like, dangerously low. Eat something.”
More awkward silence followed. Clearly, Mizuki was the only one who knew that he was going to say all that, because she was the only one who wasn’t surprised.
As for the other three in the room…
“So… Twitter or Tumblr, Rui?”
Mizuki had intended for the question to be a lighthearted tease, and Rui knew that.
However, it annoyed him regardless.
“We are not discussing this right now.”
He wasn’t that pissed, just… mildly annoyed.
His tone still reminded Mizuki of the nausea churning away in her stomach.
Actually, it made the nausea worse.
It made everything worse.
Mizuki stood up, ignoring the dark spots in her vision when she did so, and started walking away.
“I’m going to go look for a trash can, and hopefully find one before I puke my guts out. Wish me luck.”
Ena, noticing the way Mizuki swayed when she stood up, got up and followed her.
“Ena…? You don’t have to—“
“I’m coming with you.”
Ena cut her off, and Mizuki felt too nauseous to argue.
As soon as the two girls were out of sight, Rui sighed.
“Damn, I was such an asshole…”
An glanced over at Rui before responding,
“How low was her blood sugar last night?”
Rui thought about it for a moment, then unlocked his phone and started sifting through his recent photos.
“Uhhh… 53. For reference, under 40 is when someone’s at risk for seizures, passing out, etcetera.”
An nearly spat out her drink.
“What the fuck?? I would’ve yelled at her too, damn…”
“I mean, I wouldn’t say yelling at her is justified, but I’m just worried about her. I know she’s not deliberately starving herself, but she’s barely eating, and I don’t think she cares as much as she should, y’know? And it might not be intentional now, but I don’t think I could watch someone go down that path—“
Rui stopped himself, sighing and mentally scolding himself. Why couldn’t he go five minutes without oversharing??
“I’m just worried about her.”
An was about to respond, but Ena and Mizuki returned first.
“We found a trash can, thankfully. Unrelated, but I’m not going anywhere near ketchup for the next several months, because oh my god.”
Mizuki complained, choosing blissful ignorance over the concerned expressions she received from everyone but Ena.
Ena simply turned her gaze to Mizuki, looking slightly revolted.
“Mizuki, what the fuck…”
“Sorry!”
Mizuki wasn’t sorry.
Not for that, at least.
Based on the looks she was getting, Mizuki had a feeling An and Akito knew about the whole ‘not eating’ thing.
The 12:20 bell had never been so immaculately timed.