"You are a good mother."
Jinx didn't know what death felt like, but she was sure it wasn't like this. Her head hurt like hell, her fingers burned, and her stomach was queasy. Death was supposed to be peaceful. Or maybe everything she read and her dad told her about death was a damn lie. Damn her luck. What a disappointment.
If her children weren't milling around when she opened her eyes, she was going to have a very serious talk with Mask Mother or Kindred or some god or even Janna, she was going to destroy the place.
Opening her eyes was harder than Jinx thought, her eyelids felt heavy and the white light in the room made her eyes burn. She looked around confused, she didn't know if she was hallucinating and her bomb hadn't worked or if this was the afterlife. The room she was in had beige walls, dark brown furniture, the chandelier on the ceiling hung elegantly above her and a night lamp on the bedside table glowed softly, next to the white bed with soft pink pillows where she was lying was a crib, it looked just like Beni's crib at home.
Jinx threw the blankets off her and quickly got up, stumbling over to the crib. When she got there, the crib was empty, which filled her with despair and sadness. If she was dead where was Beni? Where was Isha? Where were her sweet children?
With her heart pounding she rested her forehead on the crib railing, tears streaming down her face, she waited for the scribbles to appear but they didn't. She turned her head looking for a sign of them but there was nothing, she didn't know whether to be happy or worried and there she saw a door. As soon as she started walking there she felt a slight pain in her feet and then she realized that they were bandaged. She checked her fingers and they were healed, there was only dried blood.
Jinx put her ear to the door and heard a murmur coming from the other side. She expected to hear crying or something, but nothing, just deep voices that seemed mostly male. She put her hand on the doorknob with her heart racing, she was afraid of what was behind the door, with a deep breath she opened it and then realized that she was dead. That or her hallucinations have already completely overtaken everything.
In front of her were Ekko, Vander, Silco, Benzo, Vi (less stupid), Caitlyn (still stupid), Mylo, Claggor, Vi (much younger and still stupid), Ekko (she didn't remember him being so cute) and Powder (ugh). Everyone seemed to be arguing amongst themselves and didn't notice her presence until Jinx saw a blue blur running towards her, as soon as it collided with her body she realized it was Isha. Her Isha. Her baby.
Jinx gasped loudly drawing attention to her and fell to her knees taking Isha in her arms, hugging her tightly pressing her to her chest. She felt her daughter's tiny arms wrap around her neck tightly and Jinx buried her nose in her soft blue hair, her scent was so comforting. Oh her baby, she was in her arms. Without realizing it Jinx had started to cry, sobs wracking her body. "My little girl."
Jinx's body trembled but she couldn't let go of her daughter, she felt that if she did Isha would disappear and she would lose her again, she couldn't allow that. She stroked her daughter's hair, closing her eyes tightly. It would be an understatement to say that she was scared that if she opened her eyes, Isha wouldn't be there and nothing would be real. She couldn't survive that even if she were dead.
Isha wanted to break the hug and Jinx, still crying, moved her away a little to see her baby's face. With trembling hands she cupped her daughter's face and looked at her. She just looked at her. She looked so perfect and beautiful. Her brown eyes were shining and her smile.
Isha's small hands rested on Jinx's cheeks trying to wipe away her tears, the older woman rested her face in her hands and put her head on her chest. Jinx was able to breathe when she felt her daughter's heartbeat, that beautiful sound that brought her peace during nights of nightmares.
"My baby." Jinx whispered, looking up at her daughter again. Isha smiled hugely at her, the small windows between her teeth showing.
"I missed you mommy." Isha said making Jinx's heart melt. She caressed her daughter's cheeks and left several kisses on her cheek.
When Jinx looked at her daughter's clothes she felt a chill run down her spine, the clothes she was wearing were from that day. She remembered perfectly, the smell of blood and fire in the air, how her heart beat with fear for her children, for Vander, for Vi. Her nightmares were plagued with the image of Isha running away from the Noxians with Beni in her arms, they came out of the hiding place where she had put them and Isha took her Zapper and... and... and...
She knew that none of it had been Isha's fault, she didn't know that she was going to cause 3 hextech gemstone or that she was even driving herself to certain suicide and not only her but also her little brother. She knew that if Isha had known she wouldn't have done any of that but she did and Jinx couldn't stop her.
Jinx remembered running through the Noxian warriors to reach her children, she felt the spears digging into her body but she didn't care, but she didn't get there in time, no, she didn't. And she lost them. After the explosion she hurt her fingers scratching the ground looking for something, a sign or a piece of cloth, anything that would tell her they were still alive. She even dragged Vander's body away thinking that maybe they were underneath but there was nothing, just an empty crater. Completely empty. There was nothing left of her children and that destroyed her, the only thing she doesn't remember is what happened next, everything was a blur until the enforcers put her in a cell.
Jinx had been through a lot of horrible things, but that was the worst, the worst pain. No parent should outlive their children. It shouldn't be like that.
Jinx was startled when she heard a high pitched, familiar cry, it was Beni, she looked up looking for him and found her dad Vander holding him in his arms. She connected her eyes with his, she felt like a little girl again, this version of her father that wasn't transformed into a monster, that was still human, was beautiful. She held her breath as she watched Vander approach her with Beni.
He knelt in front of her and offered her the crying baby, she took him with trembling hands, her eyes filled with tears again. She looked at her baby who was sobbing softly, everything seemed to be fine, her child's uneven eyes looked at her with curiosity. She smiled softly leaving a kiss on his little nose causing him to wrinkle it adorably.
"My boy." Jinx whispered, cradling him. Without looking, she reached out a hand to Isha and pulled her against her body. She was able to breathe easily and felt a peace she hadn't felt in days.
Beni babbled causing drool to come out of her mouth, Jinx laughed softly and wiped it away with one hand. Isha made a face of disgust.
Jinx looked up to see Vander just staring at her with teary eyes.
"Hi." Jinx whispered timidly. Even after seeing Vander transformed, she felt bad. She didn't feel worthy of his love. She had changed so much.
"Hello my girl." Vander replied, bringing his hand to Jinx's hair, caressing it. His youngest daughter had grown so much, despite having seen it on screen, seeing it in person was different. She looked so beautiful and so hurt, his little girl had dark purple circles under her eyes and her skin was very pale, almost yellowish, her lips were cracked and dry. Small black and red veins could be seen around her pink eyes, which were now bright, like two diamonds. The tattoos on her shoulder, those clouds or blue smoke were being covered by uneven scars. Her blue hair was dirty and loose, it was on the ground, it had traces of blood and dirt, her clothes were not better. Vander's heart ached, her daughter had been through so much and not only her but Vi as well, her two girls didn't deserve that.
Jinx didn't realize she was crying again until Vander's hand gently wiped away her pink tears. She wanted to hug him tightly but she refused to let go of her children, her hug could wait. She smiled at him, resting her face in her dad's hand.
"Am I dead?" Jinx asked in a whisper. Although the answer was obvious, she was dead.
Vander was startled at the question and looked around for Silco for some help, before answering his daughter. "My child, you are not dead."
Jinx looked at him confused, she wasn't dead? That was impossible but when had Vi and Caitlyn died? Or why were there two versions of Vi and Ekko? Why the fuck was Powder there? What the fuck was going on?
She stood there silently, watching her children. If she wasn't dead, that meant she was in a room with Ekko, her dad Vander, her dad Silco, Vi, that idiot Caitlyn, and Powder... If she thought about Mylo and Claggor too, she would lose her mind.
Taking a deep breath, Jinx got up from the floor with Beni in her arms and took Isha's hand, slowly entered the room and as soon as she entered she quickly closed the door with a lock.
She walked over to the bed where she sat down and Isha sat next to her, clinging to her body. Jinx left a kiss on her hair. Carefully she unbuttoned the cream-colored prison shirt the enforcers had given her, her breasts were swollen and aching from the pent-up milk. Beni quickly took her breast and began to eat, Jinx felt relief, the pain slowly disappeared. She tried very hard not to get stressed because she knew that the shimmer in her body could go into her milk and she didn't want Beni to drink that, she stroked Isha's hair trying to calm down.
"This place is very strange," Isha said, looking at her mother with a frown.
"Oh really? What's so strange about this place?" Jinx asked her daughter pretending that there was nothing strange, even though she knew very well that there was and it made her want to scream.
Isha separated from her mother and stood in front of her, excited to tell her, Jinx looked at her with a smile, she loved seeing her daughter like that.
"We were watching some movies, Grandpa calls them. But it was about you," Isha said, trying to form the word movies correctly because it was new.
Movies? About her? Jinx looked at her in surprise, Isha wasn't lying, she knew her daughter very well, she always played with her hair when she lied like Ekko.
"What do you mean by movies?" Jinx asked Isha, rearranging Beni who had accidentally separated from her breast and was beginning to whine. "Easy there, little thing."
Isha waited for her mother to see her so she could answer. "The thing was showing movies where you were, I saw you fighting with Aunt Vi."
Jinx's head was very confused and it was hurting again, what the hell was this place? Maybe being dead was better than others seeing her life.
"And how did you get here, love?" Jinx asked, taking Beni off her breast when he finished drinking her milk, she gently placed him on her shoulder and patted his back. With difficulty she buttoned her shirt back up, covering her breasts.
Jinx's stress was rising to levels that made her want to destroy the entire room, she hated not understanding what was happening.
"I don't know." Isha shrugged. "A shiny thing brought us here, it reminded me of the fortune cookie."
Jinx's eyes widened when she saw Isha's words. The fortune cookie? Vicky? Did he have something to do with this? His god complex was surpassing her expectations, maybe it wasn't a complex and he was a god. But why did she do this? She and Vicky had talked but they weren't best friends forever, although it would be interesting. Having more friends besides Kayn, the princess of Demacia and the bat boy would be nice but she was trapped in this place. The good thing was that she was with her children.
Isha jumped excitedly. "I met so many people, Mommy."
"Really, love?" Jinx asked smiling, her heart was still racing but feeling Beni's little heart beat on her hand was calming her down.
"I met dad." Isha said with a smile making Jinx freeze. Forget about calm, Jinx was stressed again.
Isha had met her dad, she had met Ekko... Her dad... Shit.
She knew the day would come, gods, she had told Isha so but living it made her want to vomit. Ekko deserved to meet Isha but... but what? Why did she feel that way?
A strange wave of fear ran through Jinx. What if Isha loved Ekko more than her? What if Isha didn't want to live with her anymore and left with him? What if Isha got angry that she had taken her away from her father?
Jinx gritted her teeth and squeezed her own thigh hard, digging her nails into her flesh. She had to calm down, Isha and Beni didn't have to see her like this. She had to remind herself that Isha loved her, she was her mother and they loved each other but Isha also had to love her father if she wanted that.
"I'm going to get my backpack." Isha said before running out of the room leaving the door open.
The open door scared her, she didn't want to talk to anyone except her parents, but she didn't want to leave the safe space that was now the room. Like a call from the gods, Silco entered through the door.
They looked at each other, father and daughter. Her pink eyes were covered with tears and regret. He walked over to sit beside her, without saying a word he gently pulled her to his body and he hugged her. Jinx couldn't help it and cried, she cried as much as she could without scaring Beni who was sleeping peacefully in her arms. He tenderly stroked her hair and gently rocked his daughter and grandson.
"Here's dad, darling." Silco whispered, leaving a kiss on her hair. He could feel the anguish in his daughter and as much as it hurt him to see her cry, he knew that she needed to vent. He simply hugged her like he did when she was little.
"You have a beautiful son, just like Isha. I think they got my genes." Silco said hoping to make Jinx laugh and he succeeded, she let out a small giggle.
"Yeah, they look a lot like you." Jinx said sarcastically, although it was a joke Isha did look like her grandfather.
"How are you feeling?" Silco asked her, caressing her arm and resting his chin on his daughter's head.
Jinx sighed, snuggling up to her dad with her baby in her arms. "I don't know, it's all so weird."
"I get it, it was crazy when I got here and it still is. I have a hard time believing this is happening," the man whispered, gently combing Jinx's tangled hair.
"I don't understand anything, dad. It's crazy and I'm already crazy."
"Don't say that, you're not crazy." Silco scolded her, he hated hearing his daughter say such things about herself. He knew his daughter's head was messed up but she wasn't crazy.
Jinx didn't contradict her dad but she knew her head was a very damaged place, when she was with her children she felt somehow mentally healthier.
"I'm sorry," Jinx whispered, her voice cracking. "I-I didn't mean to..."
Silco sighed without separating from her. "I don't know what you did, darling, but I know that you don't have to apologize. I love you and I know that whatever happened wasn't your intention."
She shook her head before pulling away from her dad, lowering her gaze to look at her sleeping baby. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, you always cared for me and loved me, you didn't deserve what I did."
"Jinx, darling, despite everything I know I wasn't a good father, you deserved someone better," Silco replied sincerely. Even though it hurt him to admit it, Vander would have been a better father to Jinx than him, he did what he could and Jinx didn't see any flaws in that but he himself did.
"You're the best dad, shut up." Jinx whispered, her eyes swollen from crying. Vander was her father, but Silco was also her father and lived with him longer, she did not want to belittle Vander because she loved him and she knew that he loved her. Vander was still family despite everything and as long as he loved her she would still be his daughter.
"I think that spot goes to Vander," Silco said with a bitter little laugh.
"You two are the best dads in the world," Jinx replied, leaving a kiss on his cheek.
They couldn't continue talking because Isha came back with her backpack dragging Ekko by the hand, who was visibly nervous. For the first time since that night at Babette's brothel their eyes connected, Jinx's heart pounded and she wondered if she would ever stop feeling this way around Ekko.
Ekko felt the famous butterflies in his stomach that at this moment made him want to vomit. Jinx was dirty, injured, covered in dirt and dried blood but she was still so beautiful. He believed that there was no way Jinx could be ugly, she would always look perfect in his eyes but he had to concentrate, he had to have a serious talk with her.
"I'll leave you two alone." Silco placed a kiss on Jinx's forehead and a small one on Beni's cheek. "Are you coming, bear?"
Isha nodded before grabbing her crayons and paper from her backpack, taking her grandfather's hand and walking out of the room with him.
As soon as the door closed leaving them alone Jinx felt the room getting smaller, the pressure in her chest increasing. Neither of them dared to say anything, Ekko just sat next to him watching Beni attentively.
After a long moment of silence Jinx couldn't take it anymore and simply spoke. "You have the right to be angry with me."
Ekko frowned and rubbed his face. "I know I do. Gods, I have plenty of reasons to be angry with you."
Jinx didn't answer, she felt hurt but she knew it was true, she hadn't been a good person to him or his bug friends. To be completely honest, Ekko had every right to yell at her if he wanted, she had taken years off of him with Isha.
"Jinx why didn't you tell me anything? I deserved to know." Ekko said feeling the anger starting to well up in him again. "If you had told me I would have been with you."
Jinx nodded, feeling a lump in her throat, with shaky legs she got up from the bed and went to the crib where she gently placed Beni. She gripped the crib railing tightly and didn't take her eyes off her son.
"You can get mad at me and yell at me all you want but you can't blame me for taking care of my daughter."
"Take care of her from whom, Jinx?" Ekko asked, standing up to face her. "No one would have hurt her, none of the firelights."
"And how was I supposed to know that?" Jinx turned sharply. "Besides, I... I couldn't take that away from you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Your freedom, your friends, your peace, your people," she replied with teary eyes, rubbing them trying to get rid of the tears. "I... I've already taken so much from you, Ekko. I couldn't... I couldn't take more from you."
Ekko looked at her, not knowing what to say. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. He wanted to scream at her. He wanted to cry. Gods, she aroused so many strong emotions in him.
"If you had told me, I would have taken care of you. I would have given you everything you wanted, I would have loved you." Ekko whispered the last part. He uncovered his heart, which was beating hard but he needed Jinx to know.
Jinx gasped, looking at him in shock. She swore her heart stopped for a moment. "You... You loved me?"
"You're so smart but so dumb sometimes." He let out a small laugh causing Jinx to punch him in the arm.
"I don't want to talk to you anymore, go away." Jinx said sulkily, turning to see her son. Ekko sighed with a small smile and stood beside him looking at Beni as well.
"We have very beautiful children."
"We? Beni isn't technically yours, he's a version of you I think." Jinx told him confused looking at him. "You look different than the last time I saw you."
Ekko frowned, annoyed at her response. "Yes, I wasn't there at the time of Beni's... creation. We come from different timelines."
Jinx looked at him amused. "Beni's creation? We had sex, we fucked, we made love, Ekko."
"I didn't mean to say it that way, it sounds... I don't know, I don't like it" Ekko blushed slightly.
She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Oh, the boy savior is embarrassed to talk about sex? I remember you were sooo dirty the day we 'created' Isha."
Ekko stuttered, blushing even deeper. "That was different."
"And how is it different, huh?"
Jinx approached him feeling the tension between them disappear, they would argue more later but for now they could talk calmly after years of not doing so. Ekko looked at her amused, despite his blush he liked her playfulness.
"It was just different, it was the heat of the moment."
"Oh right, it was really hot." Jinx purred, looking up at him with her pink eyes shining.
Ekko opened his mouth to answer but Beni's soft crying distracted them.
"Oh, honey, did we wake you up?" Jinx asked Beni in a soft voice, who was whimpering.
Jinx turned around and saw Ekko looking longingly at Beni, not knowing what to do. With a soft smile she took his hand, startling him.
"Like this." She said, bringing Ekko's hand to the baby's chest, who was distracted by holding his hand. Jinx's chest warmed at how small Beni looked under his large hand.
Ekko stared dazzled at Beni who stopped crying to look at him curiously. That baby was his son, well, technically not but technically yes, these timeline things were confusing. Yet Beni was perfect with his small hands wrapped around his fingers, his heart filled with love for him, for Isha, for Jinx who looked at the two men with shining eyes.
"You'll be a good father." Jinx whispered, bringing a hand to Beni's head, stroking the white fluff.
Ekko looked at her with his brown eyes so intense and full of emotions. "You are a good mother."
Jinx felt a desperate desire to cry, she didn't feel like a good mother, she had let her children get hurt and she could never forgive herself for it. She had done horrible, very bad things, she is practically a terrorist but she never thought she would jinx her own children.
She bit down hard on her bottom lip, breaking it, the iron taste of blood resting on her tongue. "I don't feel that way."
Ekko frowned, Jinx could be many things but he was sure she could never be a bad mother. His feelings towards her were so conflicting and contradictory, so many things had happened between them that at the end of the day he felt tired and gave up. He let himself feel all his love for Jinx but in silence and in the comfort of his room, but now here in this strange place and in front of her he could allow himself to do it. The love he felt for her was immense and intense, he wanted to start a family, take them to the sanctuary where she and their children would live in peace.
"Shut up." Ekko said to Jinx, surprising her. "In everything we've seen from you, ever since you were pregnant with Isha, you've only been a good mother, I don't think you can be anything less than that."
Jinx looked at him with wide eyes. "How much did you guys see about me?"
He scratched the back of his neck, unsure of how she would react. "We saw a lot of things, the two times where... Well, we had... Sex."
Jinx opened her mouth in surprise, not knowing what to say. Had her parents seen them having sex? Gods, Janna, Viktor, someone... She desperately needed to be swallowed up by the earth.
"Silco and Vander... did they see us? Did they see you naked? Did they see you..." She pointed at his crotch causing Ekko to start coughing nervously.
"No, it wasn't like that, it was kind of censored. So nobody saw us naked."
Jinx sighed in relief and pushed him lightly. "You scared me, you idiot."
"But we saw a lot of things and heard your thoughts too." Ekko said making Jinx take a deep breath and walk away from him.
She massaged her temples hard, this was too much to process. It was crazy. Her privacy was violated, not that she would care much about that but she would still feel offended by it. The most embarrassing thing was that everyone surely already knew about her feelings for Ekko if they weren't obvious already. And she still didn't know what the fuck Powder was doing here?
"I'm going to ignore what you said." Jinx said, covering her eyes. "Tell me what the fuck is that thing doing here?"
"What thing are you talking about?"
Jinx growled, ruffling her hair which was extremely difficult. "What's that stupid Powder doing here?"
Ekko sighed. "She's shocked and hurt by everything that's happening, but overall she's fine, she's harmless."
Jinx scoffed, letting out a small laugh. "I already know she's harmless, she's just too stupid to be dangerous."
"Don't say that, don't say that about yourself, whether you like it or not you're still Powder."
Jinx sighed, deep inside she knew he was right. Powder and Jinx weren't so different after all but she didn't want to admit it, it didn't feel right to do so right now. Even though she said hurtful things to Powder, it didn't feel like they were true, they didn't feel sincere, they were lies. Lies just out of fear.
Jinx and Powder.
Powder and Jinx.
Two sides of the same coin. Two personalities. They were the same person but at the same time different.
In every Powder lived a Jinx, and in every Jinx lived a Powder.
That... That was something that was difficult for Jinx to accept but when she was with her children, Sevika or Kayn she could allow herself to be Powder and lower her defenses. But there would always be that pesky monkey banging his cymbals right behind her ear reminding her that she had to be Jinx if she wanted her family to be safe.
She desperately wanted to be able to be both but fear held her back, she couldn't get rid of it even in this crazy place.
Having Powder represented physically was a bit shocking, it made her want to cry and get angry with her but in the end she was a child, like Isha, just a child.