Secrets
In this mirage, I call you mine.
In this dream, we have "ours.”
In this universe, we shine
In this reality, there’s unattainable desires
It has been building over years, and finally, when it's reached it’s limits and ready to burst, she hides it, afraid of hurting and losing the most important person of her life. She will hide so she can protect whatever she has now and whatever little she can keep for herself in the future.
Milk learns to love in small moments and little things.
Life in the spotlight has taught her to cherish genuine bonds and the little moments that express a lot more than where words fail.
Milk loves Love differently—still in small moments and actions, but she also does it quietly. Not only does she do it quietly, she also learns to hide it. She knows that the Love that she wants is not what Love means; every time she says that she loves her P’Miw, she still yearns and hopes. She knows she is just making herself go through the pain, but it hurts her more at the thought of turning away. So she does what she thinks is best for her, which is to hide.
Falling for Love was something inevitable, just like a moth to a flame. How could she ever resist those eyes? She admired Love for how brave she was; her resilience is what pushed both of them to what they are today, together as an official pair. Her determination made Milk trust herself and also push herself harder to achieve her goals. Love has inspired her.
In the quiet moments, in the dead silence of the lonely nights, where she lays down cold with her battered and bleeding heart, she can’t help but ask herself why she couldn’t stop, why did she let herself fall so deep, that she doesn’t know her way back to the surface anymore. She just keeps sinking in these feelings. Tired of not finding answers, she has stopped the questioning; she has stopped fighting and resisting the feelings. As for how long can you fight a battle against a force so strong that it weaves itself into the very fibre of her existence? She has embraced her new identity, her new reality, where she is irrevocably in love.
Milk thinks that fear might be a part and parcel of being in love with Love. When she met Love, she was afraid of missing the chance to get to know her. When she was falling in love, she was afraid of what it meant and how it made her different. When she realized exactly how much she loved her, she was afraid of losing her, of the way Love could destroy her, of loving someone so much that she would choose pain over and over again. And now, when she loves her, she is afraid of the consequences of her feelings, which may leave her alone and abandoned in the end.
She holds Love; she takes care of her; she pampers her; she wants to do it all until she is allowed to. She knows someday she won’t have the right to hold her this close, laugh with her, cry with her, and be her every day because secrets have a way to reveal themselves, so until then she begs the universe to let her have the chance to be with Love.
Milk has worn pain as her second skin; she has masked it well and accepted it as a part of herself, her companion in every sense. She carries her pain quietly and secretly, just like she carries her love hiding and in silence.
She thought she had safely kept her secret away locked within herself; maybe that’s why she was shocked when people around her started to notice. There is only so much pain her body can hold that, soon started to spill out of the cracks and then became a struggle to hide.