Abby would understand, wouldn't she?
Song list :
The last of us/gustavo santaolalla
"Where is Sarah?" Ellie asks, stepping off of the stairs, "thought she'd be home by now"
"Out with her friends" Joel places the plate on the table, taking his seat on the same chair as he always does
"She didn't mention where?" She pushes aside a hair behind her ear, the damp hair falling on her shoulders and only there, she has always liked her hair short, simple and easy to handle
"Didn't ask her" he is busy with tapping his on phone, not looking at ellie
"Unsual of you" pulling her knees to her chest, she takes her place in her hands, having the food in a way that she was comfortable was better than a fancy neat way that Sarah preferred.
"She's a grown up"
"Why do I feel like that there should be an 'and'?"
"She left from her classes and massaged me about it, not that I could do a lot"
"You haven't called her?"
"No but...I.. have gotten this number calling me" with him standing up and leaning on the back of ellie's chair, she tales a look at his screen
"So?"
"But when I did pick up...the guy was talking to me like I was a buddy of his" he huffs, letting ellie have the phone so he can go on the couch, turns the TV on
"Mhmm" Ellie doesn't know why but she does not have a good feeling about it, this whole number shit that has been going on since afternoon-
Holy fuck
"Didn't he mention his name? Or anything like-"
His phone starts ringing in Ellie's hand, the same number that Joel had shown her, the same number that ellie called and was met with-
Joel gets the phone, answers it, ellie always tells him to low the volume down so there would be a difference between his call being on the speaker or not, so it could stay private.
So ellie wouldn't have heard her crying on the other line
𝘚𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘩
Sarah's crying
"Baby? Tell me where you are, I will be there in a second, OK just-"
Joel reminds himself, breath, in, out
"-Joel what is going on-"
In, out, in, out, breath
Joel grabs his gun, in and out
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘶𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥, 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦
And that was how he was like.
Joel was protective of his daughters, in any case, like the time where he almost choked the breath out of Sarah's ex boyfriend, or the time he didn't let ellie go on a date with the girl with nice dyed red hair who looked like a drug dealer, joel kept on saying that "I know how kids are like these days, kid, and I don't want anything bad happening to you", and after a few months they figure out that the girl was not in fact a drug dealer but the a girl who had a few murder files written on her history
So, ellie trusted him
"Baby, you still there? Can you talk to me?" Breath in and out, in and out
"Y-yeah" she sounds weak, whispering
Ellie had seen sarah before, in a lots of differenttype of situatios, when she was having an awful panick attack or when her purse was robbed in her first year of college while she was walking past the street, or when she came back home with a reddened cheek because of the hand of her boyfriend, or also when she had fucked her exam up and was sobbing in the living room(ellie thought that crying over that was stupid and didn't try to make her feel better)
"Can you turn on the location of the phone for me?, it'll be easier to find you that-" he grabs a coat, running outside the house, ellie tries to keep up with him "-that would be easier for us to find you"
"I- I dont know- how- how to do it" her voice trembling, her tone quite like if she speaks a little bit louder she would be punished
"Sarah Sarah listen to me, listen, just do it like how you used to do it With your phone, hmm? It's easy just-"
"Dad-" Sarah's sobs can be heard very easily even though she is not the one holding the phone anymore "you can't track an nokia with no WiFi connected to it now, can you?" A man's voice, but not any man, the fucker who had tracked both of their numbers down and also tracked Sarah
David
"Yes, dear friend, its David, wanted to tell your daughter about meand Sarah seeing each other but she hanged up on me pretty quickly"
IN
AND
OUT
---
Happy together/ The turtles cover
3 months and 20 days ago, Mexico
"You'll be watched, Williams, we don't want any harm happening to you"
She picks up the bags that are on the floor
"Be careful to not to die, try to not make friends when unnecessary, just focus on the people who you think are evolved with the case"
She nods, looking around, gray walls, screaming comes from a hallway that's on her right side "I should stay there?"
"If you think that the suspect is there, yes ,but we thought that you might want to be in the first levels, for at least 2 weeks, they are a bit better than the others"
"You have them in levels here?"
"Yes, ten levels, I want to warn you, Williams, even if you couldn't find your suspect in level one, just give them a random name of out patients here, you don't really want to dig that in"
"Right" she nods, following the guy named Adam, "how many people are here?"
"250, in this level" he turns to right, ellie walks beside him
"That's a lot"
"Yeah, most of them are here cause of murders, that's why we put you here first"
Ellie hums, not even listening, there are people in the cells, they are almost calm, like they have done nothing wrong to end up here "anyone who is here just because of mental problems? With no blood on their hands?"
Adam opens the door to an empty cells, gives her a weird look "no, Williams, everyone here is a psychopath"
"Well im not" she steps into the cell, its tiny, has a bed and a toilet, no windows
"You are since you have asked us to stay here, to 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 here for an amount of time just to solve a case" he sighs, fixing his glasses "and please, do wear the uniform, we don't want the patients to find out who you are and what you're really here for" he closes the door of the cell, the heavy lock going into the space that it was made to go to in it in the first place.
Ellie drops herself on the bed, her head feeling heavy
𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰, 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘫𝘰𝘣? 𝘏𝘶𝘩?
With a murmur "shut up"
She can't sleep, she just lays there on the metal bed, her pillow smelling like shit; so she guesses that they don't really put much of an difference treatment for her.
Long hours later, she sees a lot of new faces, their hair is messy, their eyes puffy, angry, ready to snap and break someone else's neck into half if needed, Ellie didn't want to try to test the theory
The line is too long, the food is bad, the place is cold as fuck; ellie doesn't like cold weather.
She preferred the sun, the warm feeling, the gold colour, long days and short nights, so darkness would disappear and sun would take place. Summer would never last long enough; neither winter could.
And that was what ellie liked about life, nothing would go your way, at least not all the time.
But Sarah? She was different, she preferred sprin, cause spring was full Sarah's favourite colour -pink-, and it had a cool breeze that Sarah never shivered from, unlike ellie, ellie would cuss and get in the car as soon as possible if they were not near home and lucking had a car with them, but Sarah would stay out, leaning on the car and staring into space and breathing the fresh air.
And there?, there in the mental hospital isn't much of an fresh air, just a conditioner that barely works, you can almost smell the sweat and stink from people just moving a little.
𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦, 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦, 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦?
Ellie 𝘪𝘴 pretty good at ignoring people when needed, she has such a big selft respect from any type of perspectives and any type of person, close or not, she would cut them off if they treated her bad or made her feel like she had worth nothing.
She remembered high school, she had a crush on this girl named "Ashley"
The first time ellie saw her was when the girl stood up and started to speak loud enough to make everyone silent in the class, Ashley seemed to be an extrovert, bit she denied it
Ellie wanted to be friends with her, and at the end of the 10 grade she did actually, but because she have had no connection with her classmates in the summer break Ashley had turned out to be best friends with another girl.
Ellie figured she liked Ashley on the first day of eleven grade, it went away after 2 months, she knew it, Ashley was not fucking smart or any shit like that, she was just loud and always had something to say to everyone and every topic that was being talked about.
Ashley was just an idiot, who everyone had a crush on, including ellie
Ashley who looked gay but was straight and in love with a boy twice her size with muscles and green eyes
Ellie had seen her lock screen wallpaper back then, it was a picture taken from the boy's stupid eyes.
Ashley knew ellie was lesbian, and she knew that ellie started to like Riley, who was a year blow them
Ashley introduced them, ellie fell for Riley, Riley didn't do the same, she just died like a pathetic piece of-
"You new?"
Ellie looks up, figuring out that she has to get back to the work, at least mentally, "yeah, you?"
"Oh no" the girl takes a seat in front of her "I have been here for 4 years"
"That's bad"
"No actually, it had made me learn some stuff"
"So I should take notes?"
She doesn'tget ellie's joke, ellie doesn'tcare about it "Don't try to run away, or don't try to sneak out, it won't work" ...and there is the advice that people give no matter if the person who is being given the advice is interested in it or not "that's what you can take notes of, pretty girl"
They just want to talk, to run their mouth in every moment that they get, so they can boost their egos up cause they'll think that their stupid life had been useful for another person
Another person who was mostly ellie
So, ellie doesn't look at the girl for a second time, making a face cause of the bad taste of the bread, but she reminds herself that she has to eat it or else she is going to Starve here cause there will be no way that they let her to order a pizza.
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦, 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦, 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦
"I wasn't planning to" she says with her mouth full, the food and the bread was not great but it was filling up her stomach
"That's what people who will be killed in the middle of their scaping plan always say"
"So there was someone killed?"
"Yeah, a boy"
"What for?"
"He was trying to get out of here, middle of the night"
That was not ellie was looking for, she wanted a little bit sight of murder, by a patient and not a cup who works here, that wouldn't give her-
"Was chocked and beaten up"
𝘍𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳, 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴?
"You knew his name?"
She nods "Lev" breaths out, looks around like she is bored with ellie "he was a nice kid"
Takes a sip of water, following that path that the girl is looking at "so.." with lifting her chin up "..this kid..boy, whatever, which cell he was in?, do you know that?"
And that is when ellie is faced with a stupid and also a weird look from the girl sitting in frontof her, "why you bother asking, girl?, just stick to the gossip and enjoy your time"
The second after ellie is shaking her head "no no I just.. I think- that- that I might...maybe..knew him" another bite of the bread is taked by ellie, she decides that it's that bad compared to the time when Sarah was trying to get her hands on baking
"Like I said.." stands up, her hair falling behind her shoulders "..just enjoy the gossip" she whispers, walking away from the way she had come from
𝘍𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥, 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘸? 𝘖𝘩 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺...𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶..𝘣𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦..𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳? 𝘐𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘵?
Riley, it didn't matter that she was dead cause maybe her body was six feet under, her voice was buried in Ellie's mind, she always talked with that special cruelty in her tone.
Like ellie owned her till her last breath was taken by someone, someone who could be Riley herself if she was just not dead.
Ellie still remembers her last words, she have had hanged herself, ellie saw her while struggling to take her last breath before going limp while hanging from the rope, she had said "it's your fault" and died a second after.
Ellie was just wanted to see her before they entered the winter break, cause Riley's family wanted to go on this vacation instead of staying in the town, and ellie wanted to say goodbye and hand a gift to her girlfriend who didn't even like ellie.
After that ellie didn't feel guilty or anything, she had done nothing to Riley except giving her gifts and kindness, the two things that she never received from Riley herself.
And that was how Joel's second daughter who was named ellie was like.
She wouldn't fall in love easily but when she did, the she wouldn't take it as a joke
"You don't have to burn in fire so your partner can get warm in a cold night, ellie, relationships are more than that...mostly..𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 is more than that" her therapist had said
"Who says I would do that?" Ellie had questioned, with her guard up
"Ellie, and while sitting by that fire, you both need to trust each other, you need to trust your partner about pushing you in the dying fire just to make it alive again, if needed, you both need to freeze together" she had said, and had ignored ellie's denial
---
"Jesse!" She yells, banging on his door "jesse open the door goddamn it", she kicks the door a few times, taking look at Joel, who is in the car tapping his finger on the wheel, he looks stressed
So she bangs on the door again"Jesse I swear if you don't open this door right now I will-"
The door cracks open
OH...oh
"Dina, where is he?"
"Ellie get the fuck out of here-"
Ellie decides that she doesn't want to pay any more of an attention to dina and the loose shirt that she is wearing, the way the hickeys are all over her neck and shoulders, her swollen lips and- "jesse!"
-And dina's belly, "Ellie the fuck are you doing?"
And here is the boyfriend of the year, jesse, sitting on the bed, eyes puffy, ellie had woken them up from their wedding dream "Find the location of this number for me, now"
"It's midnight, it can wait till tomorrow-"
She yells "I dont have time, idiot! You find the location or I will have you fired of the job by tomorrow since you sound very interested in the idea of keeping everything in a waiting line for the next day" she places the phone on the desk, on the screen she can see David's number.
Breathing heavily, welcoming the oxygen in her lungs
Jesse sighs, like the calm person he is even when everything is on fire or when ellie is snaping at everyone in any seconds that she gets to have, so he turns his computer on, starts working on finding the location out
And there is dina again, who has just entered the bedroom, "Ellie, get the fuck out of here before i-"
And She is pregnant
Of course she would get pregnant the second she broke up with ellie, of fucking course she would go back to jesse.
Ellie had seen it coming, Sarah had warned her that dina would leave her if ellie just fucked a tiny little thing up, she had been also warned that dina would never give her a second chance while there was infinite chances for jesse
But she was not warned about the fact that dina was bored enough to date her, cause dina the spoiled little girl didn't like being single
Dina was just a straight girl who seemed to be tired of male's for a while so she decided to stick to ellie, and things were good in the start, until they found out that she was pregnant from Jesse in their second month anniversary, ellie accepted it like a green flag that she was
But everything went to real shit when the baby died in dina's fifth month of pregnancy, ellie was placed next to the dead baby by dina's hands in her heart, ellie didn't mind it.
So, they broke up, even though they were fucking engaged for fucks sake
And ellie was happy about it
"Or what?" Ellie looks down at dina when the pregnant girl gets close to her face "You're going to call the cops on me?"
Jesse, who sounds tired of these two interacting with each other like this, separates them, handing a paper to ellie "you can go now"
Not that ellie is interestedin staying there ,so she does, grabbing the paper and leaving the hell hole in a second
𝘈𝘣𝘣𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘴𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?
"Riley shut up" she murmurs, getting into the passenger seat of Joel's car
"You got it?" He had already started the car before asking
---
When I'm small/phantogram
House is empty when they arrive, ellie tries turning the lights on, she failes so turns the flashlight of her phone on after she fishes her phone out of her pocket "why here?" She whispers, looking around, taking slow and careful steps, joel is checking the other side of the big wooden house
The house is a mess, couch ripped, ropes on the floor, walls dirty, chandelier shattered on the floor, rooms mostly empty, stairs creaking under their steps loudly
ellie picks her her out in a hallway type of thing that is on the second floor of the house, she sees hee door of an room thats is wide open
So she steps towards the room, like how any other person would do
𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦
She ignores Riley's voice, takes a look inside the dark room while approaching it
𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦-
She can see a figure in the dark, she can't make out what it is but her heart and brain are begging everything and everyone for the figure to be Sarah, safe and sound, so they could go back home and a-
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦-
And there is Sarah, tied to a chair, breathing but not awake under ellie's flashlight
𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘦? 𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦
"I thought you were fucking dead Sarah" she murmurs, taking a step inside the room
𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥, 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭
A rope, her foot touches a rope when she takes her second step in the room
Everything happens so quickly but also so slow, it almost starts to feel like a slow motion nightmare
And because of that.
Joel hears the gunshot sound, immediately moves towards the sound "Ellie?" He calls ellie's name out, tone worried, he takes the steps
Ellie breaths out, coldness filling her up
No no no no Nonononono-
She has never liked the cold weather
Her braid doesn't-
𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯, 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘸?
Ellie tries to breath, she really does, but you can't breath when you have just killed someone, and not anyone...
"Ellie?" Joel calls out her name, hurries towards ellie "baby you-"
...her sister wasn't just 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦, she was special...she was their Sarah, the Sarah who was caring and-
Ellie falls on her knees when the truth hits her in the goddamm face, the rope was attached to the trigger, it was a plan
The plan wasnt the reason that a tear fell down her cheek
'Breath, breath, just breath ellie' she tries to remind herself, 'ellie BREATH'
Sarah was the reason
The dead sister she had now was the reason
It's like walls are crashing down on her, like she had stolen a precious diamond just to find out that it was fake, like she had just fallen into the trap of David, and had killed her sister
The sister who would be breathing now if ellie hadn't seen her figure in the darkness of the room
The darkness that had-
𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘶𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥-
Even Riley's voice is cut off by the a broken sob that leaves a lung, not ellie's, ellie always cries as quiet as she can, she has learned it from Joel
Joel who was the one that let the broken sound and a cry leave his body, to leave his throat, to let her daughter to leave him, to leave 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮
Ellie is not taking her eyes off of Sarah, "we..we have to get her...we need to..Joel.. hospital, she needs..help She needs-"
Joel steps towards sarah, the rope that had pulled the trigger now on the floor
He walks over that
With his tears running down, he cups his daughter's face, Sarah, who was peacefully sleep, not by an enemy, by the hands of a friend, a family, a blood, a 𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳
By the hands of a daughter who Joel had named ellie, the ellie who was meant to be the sun that made the moon who was Sarah shine
But like how he used to read that stupid story book for them when they were little, like how the drawings were showing and the notes were written in the pages of the book, moon sometimes has to leave, moon sometimes left
Not because the moon wants to, no, don't get the book and the reason wrong, because sometimes it just has to
Like how Sarah did, she did not want to, but she took the train that was lead to nowhere the second that the gunshot sound filled the place
Like how ellie didn't mean to kill her sister, but she did, cause sometimes, just sometimes, even the perfections make mistakes
Ellie made a big one this time
Joel doesn't know how to deal with it
"Joel" so Ellie begs, she doesn't know for what, but she begs between her tears "Joel please-"
She had never sounded that weak, it's the first time just like how everything has a start and an end
Sarah's end was made by ellie and the gun that was David's
"Joel- Joel im-" her voice breaks, not in the way that everyone think is attractive, in a pathetic way, a way that ellie hates the most, the way that is proving her killing her own older sister, not just someone else's older sis, but her own "-im- I'm sorry i- I swear I didnt- I had no idea- Joel please-" she sobs, "please- I'm sorry- I'm sorry I didn't want to-" she trembles, so she thinks that maybe Sarah was also trembling like this when David had called them and had handed her the phone to talk
To say a few words that was meant goodbye but ellie and Joel had not labelled it as that, they never thought that this would be her end
She deserved a better one
Joel knows that, and that is one of the reason that he keeps crying, shoulder moving with each sob that leaves his body
Sobbing is meant for sadness, so he is not mad
He is not angry
He is just tired, to see his 22 years old girl limp in front of him, the girl he raised, the girl who he had promised to keep safe among his younger daughter-ellie-, he was a good promised keeper
But accidents, they weren't usually what happened to him, but when they did? That would break his heart, soul, to the point where he was thinking of picking up the gun that had shot the bullet in his older daughters head, so he could kill himself too
But ellie was right behind him, he wouldn't leave alive for dead, he wouldn't leave ellie when she was the only family who was left for him
Even if ellie was the one falling into the trap, but she still was not the one who had made the trap
Joel was sad, just sad, not angry, at least not at ellie
Ellie was the little girl that she always was, who smiled and made everyone laugh at anytime but also who Joel would hear her cries, she cried a lot, but in her room, and she would come out with a smile and a joke like nothing had happened, joel wouldn't let her move on, not until they have talked about it
And now? Joel thi-
"Please-" Ellie trembles, her forehead on the cold floor, her hands in her hair
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯, 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶
"Joel please-" she manages to whisper, she truly wants to keep begging Joel for forgiveness, even though even if she earned it it wouldn't make her feel any better, but again she wanted to keep talking until-