Oh My Mona

I barely see everyone on Friday and over the weekend, Cher is too busy hanging out with Kile becuase they are like obsessed with each other or something. It is really quite weird. They should just date or I don't know, stop messing about. I can't hang out with Kile becuase he's is with Cher but I swear he is some sort of weirdo. Like ew, I don't know what it is but I just don't like being around him.

I don't want to hang out with Sam or Bronwyn becuase they are both stupid and men. Neither of them have any common sense and Lilith is doing god knows what, she could be in Spain right now or traveling to the earth's core. I never know what is up with that girl.

And I'm hella not chilling with Xavier. Or his weird best friend. They are like attached or something. Everyone is just. Ew I don't even want to be around them.

Oh and Xavier. Oh my god he is acting like I'm the bad guy after I kissed him. I'm the bad guy? Yea right?? He was literally about to cry if I didn't. Like you didn't see him but he had all these puppy eyes and he was like "don't stop". It was pathetic.

He needs to get a life. No stop becuase actually he was like Oh my god I've been in love with you for so long. That's creepy as hell. Don't even get me started on when he told everyone he was my boyfriend. I don't want to be seen talking to him.

I mean he isn't unpopular or ugly or anything. We are just very different now. Not like we used to be. We used to be best friends believe it or not. Sometimes that part of my life feels like waking up from a bad dream you can't quite remember. I wonder how he remembers it; cause you know how everyone remembers things slightly differently. I wonder what Xavier thinks.

Actually.

No. No I don't. I don't want to think about him. I think he has been avoiding me. That's sad. Like I didn't even do anything and he just goes cold. How is it my fault that he, emphasis on he, literally attacked a guy because he was talking to me.

Oh my god it was Charlie as well; like Charlie is a bit weird but he wasn't going like dick me down right there or anything. Something is wrong with Xavier. Like actually. I don't understand how someone is like that.

I texted him last night asking him why he is ignoring me and he has the audacity to say that he just hasn't seen me around. Okay so then why aren't you coming to find me? Come on what sort of behaviour is that. I'm supposed to break up with him soon, because of the whole fake boyfriend situation.

I can't even describe how weird it is; I'm fake dating someone. So I don't look bad, if you think about it. It's all Xavier's fault.

All his fault.

Doesn't that just say something about him.

Ugh okay stuff with him is so messy especially because i used to like him when we were younger and so, I don't know when we were, I don't even know, 10? 11? 12? He kissed me on new years. Like one of those traditional new years kisses and it was like what. What are you doing.

I think we were sitting by the TV and it was midnight and his mum was popping champagne with my mum and my dad was giving us grapes. He had leaned across the carpet and I had a grape in my mouth. And he kissed me. Like on the lips. I was mid chew.

Do you know how embracing that was. What if I had spat my grape out on him? Ew. I sort of wish I had now. I had jumped back, surprised of course becuase I didn't expect him to kiss me.

I thought it was a cruel prank for a long time.

I thought he knew I liked him, and he was teasing me. But, I have no idea now, with everything he blabbered out on Thursday I don't know what to believe anymore. I think he did like me.

He still likes me now which is weird. How can you like someone for that long. Did I mention how I think something is wrong with him. I don't understand how everyone just thinks he is the best, he is like some sort of good luck charm and everyone automatically likes him.

No, I never got that, I was never the person everyone loved. I had to work so hard to be nice and have people like me. Sometimes it's so tiring because I dont even like half the people I know.

I'm convinced half these people are not normal becuase the lives they live are just so odd. I was with Jessica on Friday lunch and she was wearing her school uniform and this ugly yellow bag and I was staring at her like, oh my god you are not really wearing that are you? That's a public embrassment. That's weird. Jessica everyone thinks your weird.

I didn't even want to be seen next to her after that.

I'm not hanging out with someone who looks like that. She thinks she is so pretty but she is really not and she makes all these snarky comments like your not funny just shut up.

Cher showed me some new shoes she got for school and poor Cher they were horrible, she looked like she was walking about on bricks. She was smiling as well and I don't get why she could be happy when other people are going to look at her and think ew.

Doesn't she get that?

I just don't know what to do now. I want to break up with Xavier and  get him out of my life because he is just messing it up. Why doesn't anyone understand that he is ruining everything.

He thinks I'm the bad guy???

He is ridiculous. I can't even believe. You know what I'm not thinking about this. When he goes away and Cher stops ignoring me then things will be better. Because I'm like really struggling right now, things are hard.

I can't get over the fact Xavier still likes me, it's been like 5 years. Oh god I moved on when I got my first boyfriend. Why is he so hung up about it?

He isn't part of my life anymore.

I don't want him as part of my life.

That kiss? Just a fragment of my old life. I don't like him anymore, he is. He is. Not. Not him anymore, not not him if you know what I mean. Ew stop it he is just so stupid guy.

I realise I have zoned out and completely missed my episode of ginny and georgia and I frown. Then I restart the episode and flop back onto the sofa for the rest of Sunday.

Maybe I can break up with him tomorrow? Yes. That sounds like a good plan. Then he will go away and everything will be fixed.