Rio stood in front of the mirror, tears trailing down her cheeks. She stared at herself with a deep hatred, closing her eyes harshly to avoid her own face. She leaned forward on the counter, allowing a sob to escape her lips.
I hate myself. Fuck I hate myself. I fucking hate myself.
These words repeated over and over in her head and more sobs escaped her. She slid down the bathroom door to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest and screaming, hoping to relieve the deep, aching hole in her chest.
She’s a monster. Shes come to terms with it. She never liked being Death, but she did what she had to do. Until the day she had to take Nicky, it was bearable.
She will never forget the tears streaming down her lovers face the day she promised to give Agatha more time. The ache in her heart as she knew what she had to do.
And years later, when she took him, hearing the wails of the woman she loved so deeply, knowing she caused them, broke her in so many pieces.
I hate myself.
Agatha never forgave her. Rio tried to explain that she had to- she didn’t have a choice. She didn’t want to do this. Agatha wouldn’t listen.
Rio tried to give her space, or love, or sympathy, but nothing could ever change the hate Agatha now had towards her ex.
It burned Rio to think about- how the love of her life could hate her so fiercely.
Why do I have to be what I am? I hate it. I hate it I hate it ihateitihateit
It only got worse. Agatha was so stubborn and no matter what Rio did, Agatha would only ever hate her more.
Rio thought back to the Road, where they had almost kissed. She wanted it so badly, she did, but it felt so wrong. So she didn’t. She knew Agatha wasn’t thinking clearly and refused to take advantage of her, no matter how much she wanted those lips on-
When Agatha finally kissed her, Rio wasn’t even happy. The moment their lips touched, tears pricked at her eyes. She could feel part of her power draining, feeling like a part of her heart was leaving with it. And when Agatha was finally dead, Rio left.
The kiss of death.
Now here Rio was, her heart in so many fucking pieces it might as well have been dust.
She screamed again, accidentally banging her head against the door. The pain shocked her for a moment and she did it again. And again. And again.
She’s a monster. She killed her son, her love. The woman she would do absolutely anything for. But she couldn’t save her.
Why me? Just let me die. I don’t want to be immortal anymore. How do I escape this?
Rio cried and cried, mourning the only person she had ever loved so deeply. She cried until her eyes were swollen and her head was throbbing, and cried some more.
She eventually passed out on the floor, finding no relief in sleep. Her dreams were haunted, and she woke up sobbing once again. She just missed Agatha. So much. She could have mourned for hours.
But she felt a body drop and knew her duty called. She wiped her tears off, stood up, summoned her scythe, and was off.