Liham sa Ulap

“Machining processes, including cutting, grinding, and various nonmechanical chipless processes, are desirable or even necessary for the basic reasons Una, for its closer dimensional tolerances, surface roughness, or surface-finish characteristics—mas required siya than are available by casting, forming, powder metallurgy, and other shaping processes. Pangalawa, part geometries may be too complex or too expensive to be manufactured by other processes. However, machining processes inevitably waste material in the form of chips, production rates may be low, and unless carried out properly, the processes can have detrimental effects on the surface properties and performance of parts.”

Jhoanna unconsciously touched her lips while looking at the presentation. She’s currently in their classroom, attending class after the festive event that happened last week. Fortunately, hindi masyadong tumagal ang sakit niya buhat nang trabaho during the event kaya she have been able to attend classes.

The professor was currently discussing in front of the class. Jhoanna was indeed present, yet her mind was elsewhere.

“Traditional machining processes consist of turning, boring, drilling, reaming, threading, milling, shaping, planing, and broaching, as well as abrasive processes such as grinding, ultrasonic machining, lapping, and honing. Advanced processes include electrical and chemical means of material removal, as well as the use of abrasive jets, water jets, laser beams, and electron beams. So sa section na ‘to, tatalakayin natin ang mga principles ng operations na ‘to, ‘yung mga parameters na involved dito, and the characteristics of the machine tools employed.”

Lost in her thoughts, Jhoanna subtly pinched her lips, the memories from last Friday lingering in her mind.

Three days. It has been three days since Aiah pressed her lips with hers. Three days since they last saw each other. Three days passed when she leaved her breathless that she couldn’t get it out of her mind until now. Tatlong araw na siyang binabaliw ng ala-alang iyon at wala man lang siyang magawa para mataboy ito.

But did she like to erase that memory? The answer to that question was too easy for Jhoanna to answer.

Of course, in all honesty and sincerity, ayaw niyang mawala ito sa isipan niya kahit pa naaapektuhan na nito ang pakikinig niya sa klase ngayon. Besides, who would want to forget their first kiss especially when it happened with someone whom you have feelings for? Definitely not Jhoanna, for sure.

The drone of the professor’s voice about the machining processes and machine tools faded into the background as Jhoanna stared blankly at the presentation. Equations swam before her eyes, replaced by a vivid image: Aiah’s blurry face, close, impossibly close, their lips meeting in a soft, breathless kiss under the Friday afternoon sun in her room.

The memory hit her like a rogue wave, pulling her under a tide of warmth and nervous excitement. The lingering taste of Aiah’s lips and the feel of their hands brushing while kissing leaves a sensation so sharp and vibrant. Jhoanna blushed, a crimson tide creeping up her neck. She subtly adjusted her hair, trying to hide the smile playing on her lips. The other students, engrossed in their notes, were oblivious to the internal fireworks exploding within her. But Jhoanna couldn't help but replay the moment, each detail crystallizing in her mind.

She crumpled her face and a silent scream built in her chest. “Oh my God,” she whispered, mostly to herself, but loud enough for a few nearby classmates to glance her way, including their professor.

“Yes, Miss Jhoanna? Is there something wrong? Are you following along?” the professor’s voice cut through her reverie.

Jhoanna jolted from being startled. Suddenly, she noticed that all eyes were now on her, including Stacey, who was now raising her eyebrows, her look giving a question.

Jhoanna subtly took a deep breath before responding, “Uh… I’m okay po, sir. Sorry for distracting you.” She mumbled, her cheeks still flushed. She quickly scribbled down some notes but her mind still buzzed with the memory of the kiss.

“It's not a big deal, but would you mind sharing your thoughts about this figure? Share your insights, or if possible, ‘yung concept.”

Jhoanna stares at the presentation in front. It took her a minute to analyze the figure presented. She plastered a soft smile and stood, she was about to recite when the professor told her to go in front to explain. Jhoanna gladly obliged and calmed herself by clearing her throat before she started.

“So… uhm… If I’m not mistaken, this figure is the basic mechanics of the metal cutting process, sir?” she stammered, and she cleared her throat again. She looked at her professor and he nodded, meaning that she was right in her assumptions and needed to continue.

“So, this is a tool with, uh… certain rake angle or the alpha, and the relief angle,” tinuro niya ang bahagi ng ine-explain niya. “moves along the surface at a depth-- ‘yan ‘yung t1 natin. ‘Yung material ahead of the tool is sheared continuously along the shear plane, which makes an angle of theta with the surface of the workpiece.”

Jhoanna looked at her professor again, she saw how he was deeply engrossed with what she was saying and there was no trace of disappointment on his face, which could only mean that Jhoanna was stating the facts. She smiled, mabuti nalang at naisipan niyang mag advance reading kagabi sa topic na ito.

“Itong angle naman na ito,” sabay turo sa parte ng sinasabi niya, “is called the shear angle, and if pinagsama mo sila nung rake angle, made-determine naman ‘yung chip thickness or ‘yung ating t2. The ratio of t1 to t2 is called the cutting ratio or ‘yung ating r. Moving on, the relationship between the shear angle, rake angle, and the cutting ratio is given by an equation which is ‘yung nandiyan na tan theta is equal to r cosign alpha over the quantity of 1 minus r sin theta. Kung nakikita niyo, napakaimportante ‘yung shear angle para ma-control ‘yung thickness ng chip.”

Jhoanna paused, pero hindi na nito tinuloy ang sasabihin niya nang marinig niya ang professor niyang pumapalakpak nang dahan dahan habang papalapit sa kaniya. She left out a small smile and adjusted her eyeglasses when she saw how the rest of the class getting confused.

“That’s enough now, miss Robles. Na-explain mo na nang mabuti, you can take your seat now.”

“O-Okay po, sir. Thank you po.” She said in a small voice before taking her seat.

She let out a contented sigh after explaining. Dumapo ang tingin niya kay Stacey na may tatlong upuan ang pagitan nila. She mouthed something that made Jhoanna confused. Her brows furrowed when Stacey repeated to mumble the same words, but Jhoanna still didn’t understand. She shook her head and shrugged. “What?” she mouthed, which made Stacey roll her eyes. Kinuha nito ang phone niya at saka nagtipa ng kung ano rito. After typing, she turned her gaze to Jhoanna again, sakto rin at naramdaman ng dalaga na nag vibrate ang phone niya.

“Check your phone.” Stacey mouthed clearer this time. Tinignan na rin muna ni Jhoanna kung nakatingin ang professor nila bago niya kunin at tignan ang mensahe ni Stacey. After clarifying that their professor was not looking, agad na niyang in-open ang kanyang phone.

Stacey:

<You better tell me later why you’re fucking blushing while class is ongoing.>

<Ini-intriga mo ako, Robles.>

Jhoanna rolled her eyes and sighed. I guess wala na naman akong kawala nito, she thought. But then, she remembered that tuloy-tuloy pala ang schedule niya ngayon and they can only have their breaks when the professor allowed them to. Pinapayagan naman silang kumain kapag lunch break but it only lasts for a few minutes, like 15 minutes ganoon? Such a short time for chismis, and Stacey hated it kapag hindi kmpleto ang nalalaman niya. So most likely, hindi niya mak-kwento kay Stacey ngayon.

Jhoanna:

<It’s our most hateful day of the week.>

She clicked send and turned to Stacey’s direction to see her reaction. And just as she expected, she rolled her eyes and sighed when she realized.

Jhoanna already told Aiah that she can’t visit the SC office for now because of their schedule. Wala lang din namang magagawa si Aiah doon dahil iyon ang naka schedule na klase niya. Aiah looked at the time and realized that it’s already lunch break so she took her phone to message Jhoanna. She was biting her lips as she typed, unsure what to say, she was typing and deleting at the same time. She was a bit frustrated kasi halos hindi na sila nakakapag usap nang maayos ni Jhoanna after that happened in her room. Ni hindi na rin sila nakapagkita the past few days kasi si Maloi ang nag alaga sa kaniya.

She sighed in relief when she read her message again before sending it.

Aiah:

<Lunch? Kain ka :*>

She kept it as simple as possible, but she intended to add that kiss emoji to tease her. Aiah smiled, feeling a blush creeping out her cheeks. Like Jhoanna, that moment they shared had been on her mind since that happened. Her mind was sure to replay that moment kahit may ginagawa siya. But unlike Jhoanna, she was able to control her reactions in public, though her face flushed was a traitor. But even so, wala namang nakakahalata since walang kumukwestyon sa kanya. Yeah, that should put her in a safe place.

Pero sobrang lakas talaga ng epekto ng memoryang iyon sa kanya kung kayat hindi na naman niya napigilang ngumiti. She can feel her cheeks burning amidst the airconditioned room. To avoid someone seeing this scene, Aiah cupped her face and rested on her desk.

It wasn’t her first time, she admits. She kissed one of her exes when they were still together. So why the hell is she blushing hard when she did it with Jhoanna?

Napakalayo rin kasi ng difference on what she felt with her ex compared to what she felt when she and Jhoanna kissed. She felt like she had been transported to another dimension when she kissed her, much more when Jhoanna did kiss her. Parang humiwalay kasi ang buong kaluluwa nito nang siya na mismo ang humalik sa kaniya. It felt too good, it felt so right, it felt so… heavenly fucking good that it drives her mad na hindi ito mawala sa utak niya.

And the fact that they did it for a long time, and only needed a second to breathe was making her stomach twirl in ecstasy. She furiously closed her eyes as she reminisced.

Jhoanna, I didn’t expect that you had that thing in you.

An innocent face was truly just a façade for a demon hiding inside.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt someone tapped her shoulder. When she turns to look up, she sees Maloi looking at her with a smile, but quickly replaced with a questioning look when she takes a glance at her face.

“Huy? Ayos ka lang? Sorry, ang alam ko kasi natutulog ka.” She scanned her face more, lifting Aiah’s chin to see better. “Teka, sobrang pink at papula na ‘yang mukha mo! Okay ka lang ba?” she looked concern now pero hindi umayon ang boses nito sa pagka concern niya. Nasobrahan lang naman kasi sa lakas ang boses niya.

Great! Now the other officers, including Colet and Gwen, were now looking in their direction, wondering why Maloi suddenly burst out talking about her condition.

Maloi gently placed her hand on Aiah’s forehead and cheeks. “Wala ka naman atang sakit, pero bakit ka namumula?” tanong pa nito.

Oh my God! Could she just respectfully shut her mouth?

Aiah was alarmed so she quickly but gently leaned back from Maloi’s touch. Gwen and Colet were still looking, with that stupid grin resting on their faces. Now Aiah felt like they knew something was currently up and her face flushed wasn’t connected to the temperature in the room.

“I-I’m f-fine, Loi.” She stammered while pinching her cheeks. “Look, I was just pinching them kanina pa kaya ganyan ‘yung color.”

Maloi raised her brow, halatang hindi naniniwala. “Masyado bang madiin pagkaka pinch mo niyan kaya ganyan na kapula ngayon? Ni hindi ka manlang ba nasaktan?”

“N-No. I guess my skin was just sensitive.”

Maloi tilted her head and put her lips together, giving Aiah a skeptical look.

“Alam mo, hindi ka talaga marunong magsinungaling. Tigil mo na ‘yan, Arceta, masyado kang halata.”

Nanlaki ang mat ani Aiah. “I am not! I’m telling you the truth tapos hindi ka naniniwala? Eh ‘di sana hindi ka na nagtanong!”

“Defensive, ‘te? Sus ako pa lolokohin mo.”

“I said I’m not.”

“Mama mo I’m not.”

Aiah groaned in frustration. Although she knew it was partly her fault for not being subtle about it, naiinis pa rin siya nang mahalata ng iba na kakaiba ang actions niya. Aiah was about to poke Maloi's stomach because of stress when Colet suddenly spoke. 

"Para naman kayong bata niyan. Tumigil nga kayo! Loi, hayaan mo na siya. Baka naalala lang." Pagsuway nito pero kitang kita naman kung gaano nito pinipigilang tumawa. "Kain nalang tayo. Parang gusto ko ng something beef today. Labas tayo ng school?” tanong niya sa mga kasamahan niya.

“Yayain niyo mga atabs natin kung gusto nilang sumama.” Tanong niya, atabs, referring to Jhoanna, Stacey, and Sheena.

“Try ko nalang yayain si Bebe. Kaso ang alam ko may schedule ‘yun ngayon ng 10-1pm, kaya ‘di ko lang sure kung makakapunta.” Gwen replied.

“Hanggang 7 daw sila Staku ngayon ngayon”

“Jhoanna didn’t have free time today.” Maloi and Aiah respond in unison.

Napataas ang kilay ni Colet, particularly for Aiah, while Maloi looked at her with knowing eyes. Pinagsawalang bahala nalang ito nung isa’t nag ayos na lamang ng mga gamit. Colet doesn’t want to push further either. She has a clue on what’s going on between her and Jhoanna but she doesn’t want to confront her in public. Mas gusto niyang sa pribado nalang tanungin si Aiah para hindi kumalat sa iba lalo na’t iba pa naman ang opinion ng mga tao tungkol sa mga ganoong bagay.

“Alam na alam ah? Daig pa awoj.” Pang aasar ni Maloi while Aiah just gave her an eye roll.

“Shut up.” She then left out a defeated sigh and got out of the room first.

They used Mikha’s car to go to the particular restaurant na may masarap na bulaluhan as Colet wanted. It was Aiah’s first time to enter the said place. At first glance, para lang siyang typical na restaurant kakainan lang. But after they ordered their food, they were shocked when a group of people with different instruments came to where they were settled. It turns out that the place has a simple band consisting of three old men to serenade the customers while waiting for their orders to arrive.

Sobrang na-enjoy naman ni Aiah na manood at pakinggan ang mga kumakanta sa harapan nila. Kitang kita na rin kasi sa mga mukha at katawan ng mga ito ang katandaan but they still manage to give entertainment despite that. In her mind, she thought that there is no room for age if what you’re doing is what you love. Na hindi kailanman magiging hadlang kung gaano ka kabata at katanda kung gusto mo talaga ‘yung ginagawa mo. Sa sobrang katuwaan nga ni Aiah ay naisipan niyang kuhanan sila ng video para i-send kay Jhoanna later.

In the middle of the song, she remembered her. It was an old song, If Aiah could guess, it’s the one that played during the 60’s with a known singer during that time. Every line of that song screams what she really felt with the girl. Gustong gusto na niyang sabihin sa kaniya kung ano ang gusto niyang mangyari para sa kanila. But there’s this fear that she couldn’t ignore that made her hold back for some time. Masyadong malakas pa ang hatak ng takot sa kaniya kung kaya’t nahihirapan din siyang sabihin.

For now, she just wants to go with the flow. Besides, ayaw niya mag rush, at wala pa namang dapat i-rush.

Aiah:

<Hey, we’re at a resto. It’s my first time here and it’s nice.>

<Let’s go here if we have the time.>

<Sent a video.>

<I missed you.>

--------

Three days were tolerable. Those days were Aiah’s chance to recover from the memory of Friday. Okay pa naman siya that time. She had works and studies to balance kaya okay lang sa kaniya na hindi muna sila makakapagkita ni Jhoanna, naiintindihan naman niya ‘yung mga oras na kailangan nilang ilaan para sa mga responsibilidad na meron sila.

But more than a week of not seeing each other was definitely a different story. Bakit ba naman sumakto ang week na ito para sa iban events ng college nila at competition outside the school nila Jhoanna? They were too busy na hindi narin sila makapaglaan ng time to meet each other. One time, the other members of the SC told her that Jhoanna came by to visit before they leave to compete pero wala naman siya at nasaktong may event nga sa college nila. Even their mandatory video calls and spontaneous late-night drive and hang out was being cancelled for the mean time dahil kailangan nila Jhoanna na mag stay in sa pupuntahan nila.

Aiah and Jhoanna's conversation consisted solely of updates regarding their day's events and other related topics. It was difficult to even have a continuous conversation because the younger girl's location had a poor internet connection.

Aiah sighed in defeat as she stares at her laptop, unsure on what to add to her explanation on a certain assignment. Kanina pa siya type nang type at naka ilang cite na rin siya ng mga references na pwedeng idagdag pero kahit ilang ulit niyang basahin ay parang walang kabuluhan ang nilalagay niya rito. It was Saturday at na-cancel ang meet nila ngayon kaya naisipan niya munang gawin ang mga lab reports na assignment nila.

Dahil hindi naman siya maka-focus sa ginagawa niya, kinuha niya muna ang kaniyang phone at saka tumayo sa kinauupuan para humiga sa kama. Tamang scroll lang muna siya sa social media habang naghihintay ng update.

Update mula kay Jhoanna, of course.

It’s Saturday, and that means that they will be home after the outside of school competition. Sinabi ito ni Jhoanna sa kaniya but she forgot to tell her kung anong oras sila makakaalis kaya naghihintay lamang si Aiah ng update. But it’s already afternoon at kanina pang umaga ang last update ng dalaga sa kaniya. Gaano ba kasi kalayo ang Mindoro kaya ang tagal nilang makarating?

Aiah sighed again as she stared at their conversation. Puro “How was your day?” “kumain ka na ba?” “ingat ikaw” and “I miss you.” ang mostly sinasabi lang nila. Aiah can’t lie, she really misses the girl as much as she missed her dog. Mabuti pa noong hindi niya pinapansin si Jhoanna ng ilang linggo ay nakikita niya parin ito. Pero ngayon, ni kahit isang sulyap mula sa kaniya ay hindi niya nasaksihan.

So to ease the boredom, sorry for her assignment, she settles on watching cute animals on Tiktok since it’s still too hot to jog. Ginugol niya muna ang oras sa panonood hanggang sa makaidlip siya. Naiwan niya rin ang phone niyang nakaopen at nagp-play ang huling video na pinapanood niya. Nagising lang siya nang maramdaman niyang nagv-vibrate ang kaniyang phone.

She didn’t even bother to see the caller ID, dire-diretso niya lamang itong sinagot.

“Hello?” Aiah speaks with a hoarse voice, fresh from sleep, but her eyes are still closed.

The caller chuckled. Biglang napamulat ng mata si Aiah nang mapansin niyang pamilyar iyon. “Hi, Aiah. Sorry, did I wake you up?” The other line voices, sweet and low.

With a bloodshot eye from sleep, Aiah looked at the caller ID and it did confirm na si Jhoanna nga ang tumatawag. Agad itong bumangon at hinimas ang sentido nang biglang sumakit ito.

“Jho? Ah, no. Nagising ako on my own.” Marahan niyang sagot. “Where are you? Nakauwi ka na?” Her chest was pounding in excitement as she speaks. 

She didn't know where the younger girl is, but the background noise was a clear indication that she isn't home yet. Aiah's brows furrowed when the background noise intensified, now she's even more curious kung nasaan siya. Nasa malapit lang naman na siya siguro? Since her connection was clear and hindi na putol-putol ang linya.

“No, nasa school pa po kami. Dito na kami dineretso since ‘yung bus ng school ang gamit naming.”

Kaya pala maingay, Aiah thought, and she was glad to know that she's really near. “Eh anong sasakyan mo pauwi?”

“I’m about to book a grab na po.”

“Huh? Didn’t you bring your car?” tanong niya pero naalala niyang hindi nga pala niya dala ito dahil provided ng school ang transpo. “Ah, I just remembered na naki-contest pala kayo.” She then chuckled.

“Could I at least drive you home? I mean, wala akong car but I can go there by grab and sabay na tayong umuwi?”

Jhoanna didn’t respond yet dahil may kumausap muna sa kaniya. Hindi naman naintindihan ni Aiah ang pinag uusapan nila dahil mukhang nakababa muna ang phone niya. She didn’t complain naman, instead she uses the opportunity to get up and washed her face.

“Ngayon pa lang, you need to review na for PAESTIGAN na gaganapin next month. Mas marami kang makakalaban doon and I’m sure the set of questions were far different from Luzon wide convention.” Bilin ng professor na coach din ni Jhoanna habang tinatapik ito sa balikat.

Jhoanna nodded. She knows that the event will be a month away pa but she needs to exert an extra effort to review dahil mas marami nga siyang makakalaban doon. She got lucky that she got the first place after having inadequate time to review the past few days. Mabuti nga at naging sapat ang halos tatlong araw lang na pagrereview kahit distracted siya. Though, ang kapalit naman n'on ay sleepless nights and too much caffeine intake.

Plus, she can’t afford to lose dahil nagpapakitang gilas na siya sa isang tao. Aside from the fact that Jhoanna was the defending champion, ayaw niya ring maisip ni Aiah na hindi na nagiging maganda ang performance ni Jhoanna simula noong may namamagitan na sa kanila.

She wished that her coach could hurry up speaking though, kinakausap niya pa kasi si Aiah sa phone eh.

“Magpahinga ka na mamaya, ha? Deretso ka uwi, huwag na gumala.” Bilin ulit ni miss Castro.

Ngumiti si Jhoanna at tumango. “Oo naman po, coach. What makes you think po na hindi ako sa apartment dederetso?” sagot niya’t humalakhak.

Her coach shrugged and a smug smile was settling on her face. Tinabig niya nang marahan ang balikat ni Jhoanna at saka ito lumapit. “Sus, kala mo siguro hindi ko napapansin na napapadalas ang pagcheck mo sa phone mo noong nasa Mindoro tayo. Halos maiyak ka na nga nung hindi magsend ang message mo eh. Grabe mo pa itaas ang phone mo para makasagap ng signal.” Saad nito’t sinundot ang tagiliran ni Jhoanna.

“May love life ka na ata ah, kapag ‘yan naging distraction...”

Nanlaki naman ang mata ng dalaga dahil doon at naramdaman niyang umiinit na naman ang kaniyang mukha. Miss Castro continued to tease her, and her looking at Jhoanna’s flustered face was a testament that she’s indeed seeing someone already and her assumptions was true.

Jhoanna adjusted her eyeglasses. She put her phone on her pocket, totally forgetting that she’s still on call with Aiah. Hindi pinapalampas ng Coach niyang asarin siya kaya nakalimutan na niyang magpaalam kay Aiah.

“H-Hindi p-pa po k-kami.” Jhoanna replied in a low voice and she cleared her throat after. 

“Come again? Ano ‘yun?” Sagot ng guro at lumapit uit kay Jhoanna nang hindi nito narinig ang sinabi niya.

She cleared her throat again but she didn’t meet her coach’s eyes. “H-Hindi pa po k-kami.” Pag-uulit niya.

Miss Castro arched her eyebrow. Mukhang hindi natutuwa sa narinig niya. Naisip niya tuloy kung bakit talamak ang mga ganito ngayon lalong lalo na sa edad nila Jhoanna.

“Casual relationship enjoyer ka pala, Jhoanna? Bakit ka naman nagse-settle sa isang relasyon na wala pang label? Masama ‘yan. Kayong mga kabataan masyado niyong nino-normalize ‘yung ganiyang sitwasyon.” Umiiling pa nitong saad. The only thing that was evident on her face was disappointment.

Nahiya naman ‘yung isa sa narinig niya. Feeling niya tuloy masama na ang pagsasagawa ng mga bagay nang dahan dahan. In her defense, she doesn’t know how to court Aiah yet. It’s her first time and courting a girl was just hard as solving a complicated problem in differential calculus. Pangalawa, she believes that they shouldn’t rush on things lalo na’t being committed with someone is a form of responsibility. So dapat, hindi sila magpadalos dalos at mas maganda munang may assurance na kaya nilang kumapit in the long run.

Plus, Miss Castro has the audacity to talk as if she and Jhoanna have a huge gap in age. Isang taon nga lang ang agwat nila ni Aiah!

“H-Hindi naman po sa ganoon, coach. Mutual decision naman po na we should take things slow until we’re ready to commit. N-No rush po kumbaga, nasa stage palang po kami na kinikilala talaga naming ang isa’t isa.”

She saw her coach nodded, seemingly understand the situation. “Okay gets. Pero matanong ko lang kung ilang taon o buwan na ba kayo magkakilala ng taong ito para sabihin mong nasa getting-to-know-each-other stage pa kayo?” she asked, being curious on her student’s love life.

“D-Dalawang taon na po, ma’am.”

“Eh matagal naman na pala kayong magkakilala? Bakit nasa ganoong stage pa kayo?”

Jhoanna sighed, sana pala tumawag nalang ako ng grab kanina, she thought. Now she’s stuck here, with her coach interrogating about her life. “Ngayon lang po kasi kami naging close, ma’am. Hindi rin po kasi kami gaano nag uusap noon.”

“Ay? Kaya naman pala.” Sagot ni miss Castro at saka ulit tinignan si Jhoanna. “Sige, okay pala ‘yung ganoon. Pero who’s this lucky man na nagpapatibok sa puso ng isang Jhoanna Christine Robles na ‘yan? Matalino ba ‘yan kagaya mo? Pogi? Artistahin ang datingan? O chinito?” Tuloy-tuloy pa nitong tanong and her eyes twinkling with excitement.

Ito ang bad side kapag bata pa ang professor eh, masyadong chismosa at maraming tanong kung sa mga ganitong bagay. Kung titignan din kasi ni Jhoanna ang coach niya’y mukhang excited pa ito sa magiging sagot niya. Nangingiti pa siya habang naghihintay at humahawak pa sa braso ni Jhoanna.

Close na close lang?

Pero first things first, “Uhm, she’s a she po.” She started, doon pa lamang ay nag iba na ang expression ng prof niya, yet, Jhoanna smiled, a kind of smile wherein she isn’t afraid to tell what she really is. Although she expected that some people might not be in favor of this certain type of topic, she continued to tell how she really felt without hesitation.

“And opo, matalino po siya—mas matalino kaysa sa akin actually. Consistent deans lister at naging PL last year sa dalawang sem, running for Laude narin po siya ngayon. Maganda po siya, ang ethereal ng ganda niya, mala out of this world talaga. Para siyang si Aphrodite ang ganda--- hindi sa pagiging oa pero ganoon po talaga siya kaganda. Artistahin ‘yun syempre! Kilalang kilala nga rito sa campus pati sa ibang lugar dahil sa ganda niya. At hindi siya super chinita, sakto lang po ‘yung pagliit ng mata niya kapag ngumingiti siya.” Dere dretso rin niyang saad. She bite her lips and smiled genuinely, it was the first time that she told someone outside her circle how whipped she is with this person.

Jhoanna didn’t face her coach as she said that, kahit pagkatapos din niyang sabihin ay hindi parin ito tumingin sa kaniya. She doesn’t expect much of a positive reaction from her, let alone the fact that homosexuality isn’t fully accepted by the society until now. So maiintindihan niya kung hindi magiging maganda ang reaksyon nito sa sinabi niya lalo pa’t naramdaman ni Jhoanna na kumalas na ito sa pagkakahawak sa braso niya.

She sighed when it had already been a minute and there was no response from her teacher. But to her surprise, Miss Castro's reaction wasn't what Jhoanna expected. There was no gasp, no shocked reaction. Instead, a gentle smile played on her lips. She placed her things down, the quiet thump echoing in the otherwise still room.

"Oh, Jhoanna," Miss Castro said, her voice warm and reassuring, "Ganyan ka pala ma-inlove ha, nagiging yapper ka.” She then giggled and jokingly poked Jhoanna’s arm. "Kainis! Halatang down bad."

Jhoanna was still dumbfounded for a moment. Not to be judgemental but Miss Castro has the face na kapag nakita mo'y hindi basta basta uma-agree sa mga bagay-bagay. Kaya ganoon na lamang ang gulat niya nang nangingiti pa ito sa kaniya at nang aasar.

“So, to be clear, hindi ka straight?”

Marahang umiling si Jhoanna, “H-Hindi po.”

“Grabe na talaga ang mga bading ngayon. Ang hirap na ma-identify.” Natatawang saad ni Miss Castro at saka umiling. “Kasi what do you mean na napaka feminine mo pumorma at gumalaw pero you’re baliko as hell pala?”

Jhoanna laughed at the sudden conyoness of her coach. At least, kahit papano ay nawala ang tension sa katawan niya dahil doon.

Miss Castro looks at her with support and understanding. “Pero all jokes aside, walang mali kung ano man ang katauhan at nararamdaman mo ha? We are all free to express what we are and what we feel. Just know that I always got your back mapa sa academics man ‘yan o kahit sa ano pa.” she then patted Jhoanna’s shoulder gently and smiled. “I’m proud of you. Take a rest pag-uwi mo, okay?”

Jhoanna nodded and thanked her coach before she turned her back to leave. There was no lecture on appropriate behavior, and no warnings about societal expectations. Just acceptance, understanding, and a quiet encouragement that warmed Jhoanna from the inside out, all underscored by the unwavering, compassionate gaze of Miss Castro. The sunlight seemed brighter; the air less heavy. At that moment, Jhoanna felt a profound sense of relief and a blossoming hope for the future.

Pero bigla niyang naalala na nasa phone nga pala siya with Aiah kanina at hindi niya maalalang pinatay na niya ito. By then, agad niyang kinapa ang kaniyang phone on her pocket and saw that the call is still ongoing. Medyo mainit na rin ‘yung phone dahil naka on pa ito and Aiah’s name were still o her phone screen.

“Aiah?” tarantang saad niya sa kabilanng linya, mababa lamang ang boses nito kahit wala nang ibang tao bukod sa kaniya. “I’m sorry, nandiyan ka pa ba? kinausap ako ng coach ko kanina at nawala sa isip ko na kausap din pala kita.”

Jhoanna felt relieved when Aiah responded on the other line. Mahina lamang ang boses nito at mukhang ginagawa rin.

“Mag book na ako ng grab po. God, gusong gusto ko nang mahiga muna sa sarili kong kama.” She said and immediately opened the app to book a ride. Thankfully, agad namang may nag accept.

Aiah chuckled, “But, Jho?” Jhoanna hummed, “Pwede bang ako nalang ang sumundo sa’yo from school? Ako narin maghatid sa’yo to your apartment.”

“Ha? Bakit? Tsaka ano namang gagamitin mong sasakyan? No offense but I haven’t seen you drive rin.”

Aiah frowned and pouted, “I don’t have a car, but I can drive, Jho.”

“Oh eh paano tayo niyan makakauwi kung wala ka palang sasakyan?”

“I didn’t say naman na I will drive you home or I will drive papunta diyan. Syempre I have to commute para masundo kita.”

Jhoanna chuckled in amusement. She didn’t know if Aiah was bluffing or she was just being adorable. But the gesture was sweet, though.

“Huwag na, gagastos ka pa eh. Tsaka na-book ko na rin kasi, Aiah. Nakakahiya sa driver kung ika-cancel ko pa.”

“Or… I can just go there now and sabay na tayong sumakay s ana-book mong grab pauwi sa apartment mo?”

“Ni-check ko ‘yung app, malapit na raw ‘yung driver.”

Aiah smiled, though a slight pout formed on her lips. She playfully puffed out her cheeks and replied, “Okay, fine. Pwede mo naman kasing sabihin na ayaw mo akong makita.” Then she practically rolled her eyes after.

Jhoanna chuckled again, really amused of their conversation. Bihira lang kasi pinapakita ni Aiah ang ganitong side niya. if Jhoanna could guess, naka cross arms na naman siguro iyon at nakatingin nang masama sa isang bagay na nasa kwarto niya.

Cute, sarap iuwi.

Then suddenly, an idea popped up in her mind.

“Do you… Do you perhaps want me to go to your place instead? I mean…” she bites her lips and imaginary kicking a pebble from the floor. “If your too persistent na pumunta rito—what if ako nalang muna ang dumayo? I-If that’s okay with you, of course. No hard feelings for me kung ayaw mo.” Jhoanna concluded.

She stared at the glass door as she spoke, naghihintay ng sagot mula kay Aiah. She spotted a red Vios car outside which she assumed the Grab rider that she booked. Wala sa sarili siyang tumayo at inayos ang kanyang gamit.

“Apart from that, I really missed you. Kaya… kaya gusto kitang bisitahin sana ngayon.”

And she meant that, from the bottom of her heart. She wanted to lie down but the desire to see Aiah was stronger.

Para siyang magnet na gugustuhin nalang dumikit kay Aiah ngayon.

Wala paring sagot si Aiah. Maybe she was a bit disappointed for real dahil dinceline niya lahat ng offer ni Aiah kanina. Jhoanna could hear the Grab’s app notification sound, nasa labas na raw ng building ang driver at iyong kulay pulang Vios nga ang sasakyan niya. She sets the phone on loud speaker so she could type her reply to the driver and to hear when Aiah speaks. Nang matapos na itong magtype ay naghintay muna ulit siya ng ilang segundo para kay Aiah ngunit bago pa man siya makapagpaalam ay pinatay na nito ang linya.

Jhoanna’s brow furrowed when she disconnected. Medyo kinakabahan narin siya dahil mukhang nagtampo nga ata si Aiah sa kaniya. With a heavy feeling, she started to walk towards the car. Nag aalanganin pa siya kung dederetso nga siya sa apartment ni Aiah o hindi muna. Medyo nagpapawis na rin kasi siya at ayaw niya sanang makita siya ni Aiah na haggard at amoy pawis. She then decided to go to her own apartment first to change, and after that, she can go to Aiah without any problems.

Jhoanna:

<Aiah? Galit ka ba?>

<I’m sorry, hindi ko naman alam na magiging ganoon reaksyon mo.>

<Sorry na po, please?>

To her luck, walang reply si Aiah, kaya buong biyahe ay nakailang buntong hininga rin siya at hindi maipinta ang mukha.

Reaching her apartment building, Jhoanna let herself in, expecting the quiet solitude of an empty apartment. Instead, as she stepped inside, she was met with the sight of Aiah, leaning against the doorframe, a huge grin on her face. In her hand, she held a collection of paper bags that Jhoanna didn’t have any idea what could be inside those bags.

"Surprise!" Aiah exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with mischief and relief. "I can’t believe mas nauna pa akong nakarating sa’yo rito eh nag organize pa ako ng groceries na ibibigay ko sa’yo. Here nga pala,” she pointed the paper bags, “I got you some snacks and kumuha rin ako ng ingredients so that I can cook for you. Pambawi lang.”

Jhoanna's initial reaction was a mixture of shock and overwhelming relief, a chuckle bubbling up alongside the tears that welled in her eyes, daring to fall down.

“I know you might be nagsasawa sa mga take-out food so I figured na---”

Aiah wasn’t able to finish her sentence when Jhoanna couldn’t contain her relief and happiness any longer, rushed forward and threw her arms around Aiah in a tight hug. The paper bags rustled against their chests. Jhoanna hugged Aiah tightly, burying her face in Aiah’s shoulder.  The silence that followed was filled with emotions, a silent understanding that transcended words.

Aiah was surprised at first, but when Jhoanna's warmth started to get into her system, she used her free hand to hug Jhoanna back, holding her tightly after many days of not seeing each other. No other situation can make Aiah’s heart beat faster than holding Jhoanna in her arms. No other person could make her feel the comfort of home until Jhoanna came.

Si Jhoanna ang lahat ng dahilan sa mga bagay na kinasasaya ni Aiah.

“I thought you were mad at me,” Jhoanna whispered, still clinging to Aiah like a lost child.

Aiah smiled and gently patted Jhoanna’s back. “I could never.” she said, her voice hushed and warm. “I already planned naman to go here na kaninang sinabi mong naka book ka na ng grab. Gusto ko lang na pa-surprise ‘yung peg ko kaya nagtampo tampuhan nalang ako kunwari para hindi mo mahalata. And I guess… my plan worked out?” she then chuckled.

"Hmm, muntik mo lang akong mapaiyak sa kaba."

"Why naman? I'm not even that harsh kanina eh."

"No, but I thought hindi mo na naman ako papansinin for a long time."

Aiah pulled back slightly, her eyes, usually sparkling with mischief, were clouded with a vulnerability Jhoanna had rarely seen. She smiled gently, as she tucked a loose strand of Jhoanna’s hair to the back of her ear.

“I promise I won’t do that again. I was just scared that time.” Aiah admitted, her voice barely audible. “I was blinded by fear and clouded with thoughts that moment, Jho. I was unsure of what to do—unsure of what to say, and I was scared that I might ruin whatever we have.”

She cupped Jhoanna’s cheek and rubbed her thumb over it. “But now that I’m certain of what I feel, all I wanted to do now is to give you what you deserve.” Aiah smiled, a small, hesitant smile that sent a wave of warmth through Jhoanna. “And one of that is to never avoid you again, in any circumstances. Okay po?”

Jhonna nodded and gave Aiah a small yet heartfelt smile. Aiah’s words ran deep within her soul. Such a simple assurance gave her enough peace and contentment after a long day. Although Aiah’s presence was enough to soothe the tiredness she’s feeling, iba parin ‘yung pakiramdam na makarinig ng words of affirmation galing sa kaniya.

“Can we go inside now? The food is waiting na oh.” Aiah lifts the bags in her hand as she smiles. Jhoanna just chuckles and opened the door.

Aiah welcomed the familiar scent of Jhoanna’s apartment. As usual, malinis parin ito hanggang ngayon kahit ilang araw nawala ‘yung may ari. She goes straight to the kitchen and placed the bags on the table habang ‘yung karne naman ay nilagay niya muna sa freezer.

“I hope you don’t mind me rummaging through your kitchen and I will cook pala later ha. I won’t burn it down naman.”

Jhoanna chuckled and plopped herself on the sofa. “Baliw, hindi naman ako kinakabahan.”

Aiah smiled at saka kumuha ng pinggan at kutsara para ihain ang kinuha niyang meryenda. She didn’t have to search for it dahil nakita naman niya kaagad ito sa may sink. As she prepares, her gaze suddenly caught Jhoanna on the sofa. Her head was rested on the top of the backrest and cracking her fingers. Wala sa sariling napangiti si Aiah sa nakita niya. Para kasi itong bata na kung anu ano lang muna ang ginagawa habang naghihintay.

She placed the pie on the table along with the canned drink that Aiah buys. Agad niyang sinabihan si Jhoanna na magmeryenda na muna dahil halatang pagod ito mula sa mahabang biyahe.

“Thank you, Aiah. Pero sana hindi ka na nag abala.” Jhoanna said as she put a spoonful of pie into her mouth. “Masarap siya. Saan mo binili?” saad pa nito ngunit halos hindi na maintindihan dahil ngumunguya ito habang nagsasalita.

Aiah chuckled as she watched her eat, she looked like a proud mom who’s feeding her child.

“You should eat first before talking.”

Jhoanna nodded and obliged to what Aiah had say. The room was only filled with clicking of the spoon from the plate. Jhoanna enjoyed the pie that Aiah gave her, halata naman dahil tuloy tuloy siya sa pagkain nito. The older girl thought that the pie must be too sweet kaya tumayo siya para kumuha ng tubig.

Jhoanna was just watching her move, mula sa pagtayo nito hanggang sa pagpunta niya sa kusina at pagbalik na may baso ng tubig na sa kamay niya. She swallowed the food and stared at Aiah for more than a minute. The latter noticed that the former’s gaze lingered for a moment so she arched her brow.

“Is something wrong?” Aiah asked but Jhoanna just smiled and gently took the glass from her hand.

“Wala naman. Is this for me? Thank you.”

“Certainly, tayong dalawa lang naman ang nandito and ikaw ‘yung kumakain kaya para sa’yo talaga ‘yang tubig. Baka the pie’s too sweet for your liking kasi kaya you need water to replenish.”

Jhoanna nodded and drank, the latter watching her as she empties the cup.

“Hmm, matamis nga.”

“For real?” Aiah unconsciously took a small bite from the pie. “Hmm, too sweet nga.”

Her movement wasn’t rush but she didn’t notice that she used Jhoanna’s spoon to taste the food. Nanlaki ang mata niya nang napagtanto niya ito.

“Hala I’m sorry! Laway conscious ka ba? I accidentally used your spoon din kasi.”

“Ha?” Jhoanna wasn’t aware of what’s going on at first until she saw the same spoon that Aiah was holding. “Ah.” Aiah smiled, a small, hesitant smile that sent a wave of warmth through Jhoanna. “Hindi, okay lang. Ta’s ano ka ba, ginagawa mo naman ‘yan noon pa.”

Aiah’s brow furrowed and put down the spoon. “I was?”

“Oo kaya. One time you also took a sip of my drink from my straw. Nagulat din ako n’on kasi you took a sip so casually, habang ako nababaliw na kasi I already like you na that time.”

Aiah instantly blushed from Jhoanna’s statement. She wasn’t so sure if she was blushing from the thought that she had been doing all sorts of embarrassing actions to Jhoanna or the thought that Jhoanna had casually admitted that she already liked her during that time. Na hindi rin naman niya alam kung kailan nagsimula.

Sabagay, we already kissed na rin. So what’s the point of me being embarrassed? She thought, at dahil doon ay mas lalong uminit ang mukha niya.

Could she blame Jhoanna for that reason kung bakit umiinit ang mukha niya ngayon? When she took a glance at her, nakita niya lang ito na nakangiti at tinitignan ang hawak niyang baso. Suddenly, her heart’s started to beats faster than usual.

In medical terms, it could be arrhythmia. But is it really arrhythmia when it involves having the urge to do something unusual?

Then, there’s that feeling again. Where Aiah felt like there’s been an invisible force pushing her to go further. Specifically, to Jhoanna.

Masyado na namang malakas ‘yung urge niya para gumawa ng bagay na hindi niya makakalimutan.

Their eyes met. Jhoanna was smiling, and Aiah—iba ‘yung tingin niya. It was filled with such desire and something that was close to longing. Jhoanna’s heart raced when she noticed that Aiah was simultaneously looking at her eyes and lips. It’s like her eyes were speaking for something, or rather, seeking for what felt like a permission.

Jhoanna gulped while Aiah was still looking at her. Her fingers fidget from her lap as she stares back. But this doesn’t look like a normal staring contest for the two of them. Deep down, they both knew what they wanted.

But their little competition was disrupted when Aiah’s phone suddenly rings. Aiah jumped, startled, her eyes widening as she fumbled for her phone, silencing the insistent melody with a clumsy swipe. The sudden intrusion felt almost violent, brutal interruption of a moment that felt both precious and terrifying. And just like that, the tension from a while ago vanished like a smoke.

 But the lingering effect was palpable.

A faint blush colored Jhoanna’s cheek. The intensity of the moment and the unspoken longing that hung between them, was now replaced by a slightly awkward silence. They both looked away, their eyes darting around the room, searching for anything—anything to break the tension.

“T-That was m-my alarm,” Aiah said, her voice a little shaky. She offered a small, hesitant smile. “S-Sorry, nag alarm pala ako before I took a nap kanina.”

Jhoanna cleared her throat and let out an awkward chuckle. “A-Ayos lang a-ano ka ba.”

Aiah felt relieved, but at the same time, she felt a little disappointed.

She wanted that moment. She longed for that moment to happen again.

“M-Maybe I should coo—”

She was about to speak, to tell her that she should cook since malapit nang lumubog ‘yung araw – when Jhoanna leaned in, her breath warm against Aiah's ear. Before Aiah could process what was happening, Jhoanna's lips brushed lightly against the side of her lips, a feather-light touch that sent a jolt of electricity through Aiah's body.

The kiss was fleeting, gone almost before Aiah could register it, but its impact was profound.

“Mag half bath lang ako. Diyan ka muna, Aiah!” Jhoanna could only say after that moment.

She immediately stands up and goes directly to her room without looking back, leaving Aiah in a dumbstruck state. The door shutting was her only turning point—she let herself fall on the sofa, staring blankly at the ceiling with her poor heart frantically beating.

Aiah sank deeper into the cushions, then suddenly, a soft smile played on her lips. A wave of pure, unadulterated giddiness washed over her. The lingering warmth of Jhoanna's lips still tingled on her skin, but now, it was accompanied by a lightheaded, almost euphoric feeling. She giggled, a soft, breathless sound that surprised even herself. Her heart thumped a happy rhythm against her ribs, a joyful drumbeat accompanying the dizzying swirl of emotions.

Jhoanna, you little sneak!

After what felt like an eternity, Aiah decided to get up when she saw the slight darkness outside. She opened the lights first before she prepared the ingredients. For now, she’ll cook pork steak. As to what she learned from Maloi, this dish was Jhoanna’s favorite. Good thing that Aiah had the ingredients at her apartment. Hindi na siya lumabas pa para mag grocery ng mga kakailanganin.

Kinuha niya mula sa freezer yung karne at saka binabad sa tubig para medyo lumambot ito. And while waiting for the meat, she sliced the other ingredients carefully and precisely. One thing that Aiah likes to do is to make a uniform cut on every piece. Kaya medyo mabagal talaga ito magluto dahil natatagalan siya sa paghihiwa.

The air was thick with the intoxicating aroma of garlic, onion, and other spices, it welcomed Jhoanna after she took a bath. Saktong gabi na rin kasi nung tapos na siyang maligo.  From her door, she saw Aiah’s frame through the kitchen. She smiled when she realized that Aiah was really cooking for her.

It felt surreal, she thought. Jhoanna from two years ago would be so proud of what they have become now.

Nakakaranas na sila ngayon ng princess treatment mula kay Aiah na dati lang ay pinapangarap nila.

“Hmm, mukhang masarap ah. Anong niluluto mo?” Jhoanna asked when she reached to the kitchen.

Agad na tumingin sa kaniya si Aiah at ngumiti. “Pork steak. I heard from Maloi na favorite mo.”

“Si ate Maloi talaga, sinasabi lahat ang tungkol sa akin.”

Aiah chuckled, “Yeah, I remembered that she used to tell me about you too. Madalas bukambibig ka niya noon, sabi niya ang galing galing mo raw.”

“Hindi naman eh.”

“Pa humble ka pa. You’re literally one of the role models of our school because of your academic achievements, kaya.”

“As if naman hindi ka rin kasali sa mga role models na ‘yun?”

Aiah giggled and stirred the dish. It’s good to know that they both excelled academically and they share the same interests. She finds it really attractive—for a person to be academically inclined aside from having a pretty face.

But when Jhoanna came, it broke her scale. She possesses both, beauty and brain, and other qualities that a person can add to their ideal type.

In short, full package na talaga si Jhoanna.

“What can I do to help?” Jhoanna asked which made Aiah a bit startled, but the latter didn’t notice.

“Patapos na ‘to. You can prepare the plates nalang na gagamitin.” Aiah replied and tucked her hair to her ears.

Jhoanna noticed how she struggled to tuck her hair continuously kaya agad niyang kinuha ang extra scrunchy niya sa may kwarto.

“Aiah.”

Aiah hummed, “Yes?” she asked and looked at her way.

“Talikod ka, talian kita ng buhok para hindi sagabal.”

Tumango si Aiah at agad tumalikod gaya nga ng bilin sa kaniya. Jhoanna gently touched Aiah’s hair. The smell of her shampoo lingering in the air as she tied her hair. When she was done, pumunta naman siya sa may lagayan ng mga palto at kutsara para ihanda ang mga gagamitin nilang kumain. Kumuha rin siya ng juice sa may pantry at saka nagtimpla para kung sakaling gusto ni Aiah uminom ay naka ready na lamang ito. She also reminded Aiah that she will be incharge of washing the dishes since she already cooked.

Nagsandok siya ng kanin na ihahain, and a ghost of a smile was settling on her lips. They look so… kind of domestic. It made a warm feeling on Jhoanna’s chest when she realized that. It felt like they had done these things a thousand times before, but in reality, it was the first.

It was the first time yet the familiarity felt too comfortable.

“Okay na ‘to. Let’s eat na, Jho.”

Aiah washed her hands first before eating. When she was done, she saw Jhoanna comfortably sitting with the other plate resting across her. Being the persistent person she is, she moved the plate next to Jhoanna’s and pulled the chair beside her. Natuwa naman ‘yung isa sa ginawa niya.

“Clingy mo naman, nandito na nga lang ako eh, gusto mo pang magkatabi tayong kumain.”

Aiah jokingly rolled her eyes and scooped the right amount of rice in Jhoanna’s plate.

“I’m not comfortable eating that way eh. Parang nag i-interviewhan lang kasi ang dating.”

Jhoanna chuckled, “Hindi naman,pero mas prefer ko rin na katabi kang kumain kaysa nasa harapan kita.”

When Aiah was done putting food in their plates, they wasted no time to eat. Jhoanna commended her for having a skill in cooking because her dish taste delicious. Saktong sakto lang sa taste buds ni Jhoanna. And no, she wasn’t lying. Aiah’s cooking was actually good and she kept reminding Aiah that she wasn’t joking about it.

The clatter of cutlery against ceramic plates formed a rhythmic counterpoint to the low hum of their conversation. Pinag usapan nila ang nangyari sa competition na dinaluhan nila sa Mindoro and how’s Jhoanna’s experience. Natatawa nalang din si Jhoanna habang nagkukwento dahil panay tanong din si Aiah.

“Ayaw mo na magkaharap tayong kumain dahil parang interview but look at you, ang dami mong tanong ngayon.”

They both laughed against the table with shoulders shaking.

“I was just curious nga kasi! Hindi mo naman kasi kinukwento nang deretso kaya I have to ask. Jusko, Jhoanna!”

They both dissolved into another fit of laughter, the absurdity of the situation washing over them. Their laughter echoing through the room, and Jhoanna wished that time moved slower this time for them to have enough time to catch up.

Sobrang na-miss niya si Aiah, at habang nakikita niya ito ngayon na tumatawa ay bumibilis ang tibok ng puso niya. No, it’s not from the laughter nor the conversation.

It was solely because of Aiah.

Aiah.

Should it be safe to say that what she felt right now wasn’t just liking her anymore? Or maybe—maybe she already knew for a long time.

Paano niya nga ba na-realize na mas higit pa sa pagkakagusto ang nararamdaman niya?

Those four words were too heavy to say.

Pero hindi pa nga ba ganoon ang nararamdaman niya simula noong nami-miss niya ito kapag hindi sila magkasama? Sa mga oras na hinahanap niya sa ibang tao ang kagaya ni Aiah—which was impossible because no one could be like her. Sa mga oras na pinipigilan niya ang sarili niyang umiyak kapag nakikita niyang magkasama sila ni Gelo. Sa mga oras na natutulala na lamang siya habang tinitignan niya ito dahil sobrang ganda niya’t nakakawala ng pagod ang kaniyang mga ngiti.

When Jhoanna’s world felt like moving in slow motion when Aiah was laughing just like now. How Aiah could easily make her heart beat faster than normal. And how Aiah could make her feel at peace and comforted when she was with her.

Isn’t love what she’s feeling when Aiah could make her feel at ease when she’s around her?

Love.

Yes, she is in love.

And there's no point in denying it anymore. In fact, she was already late to acknowledge it.

Jhoanna was done washing the dishes and as much as she wanted to stop the time, she couldn’t, and now Aiah was preparing to go home.

She sighed and leaned on the door frame as she crossed her arms on her chest.

“You sure na ayaw mong ihatid kita? Kaya ko naman eh. Nagle-late night drive nga tayo minsan.”

“Alam ko, but you need to rest na. Kagagaling mo lang kanina sa biyahe tas bibiyahe ka na naman? Magpaawat ka naman, Jhoanna.”

“Pero kasi…”

Aiah sticked her index finger to Jhoanna’s lips, making her stop talking.

“Not one word, Jho.” she warned and sighed, “We’ll see each other next time, okay? Right now, magpahinga ka nalang muna. You need that.”

Jhoanna sighed in defeat and nodded, labag man sa kalooban niya’y pumayag nalang siya.

They both walked outside to wait for Aiah’s grab driver. They fall into comfortable silence, a stark contrast to the laughter they shared when they were at the kitchen.

Aiah subtly took a glance at Jhoanna, her gaze lingering on her face. The streetlights caught the subtle play of shadows on her features, highlighting the intensity of her expression. It wasn't a look of anger or frustration, it was something softer and more profound. Jhoanna met Aiah's gaze, her own heart quickening its rhythm. 

Aiah gently smiled and looked away, her eyes scanning the street for the approaching car.

“Jhoanna.” She suddenly said, her eyes never leaving the streets, but the intensity of her voice was palpable.

Jhoanna still looking at her, hummed in response.

“We’re not friends, right?” Then, Aiah spoke, her voice barely a whisper, breaking the charged silence with a question that hung in the air like a fragile, yet significant, promise.

Jhoanna's heart pounded in her chest, a frantic rhythm echoing the answer that trembled on her lips. “We’re not.” She replied, her voice almost not audible. “I know what I want-- and I certainly don’t want to be friends with you.” She added, barely a whisper. Her heart still thumping that her ribcage almost hurts.

Aiah smiled, pulling her jacket tighter around her. “ Then I’m glad to know that we’re on the same page.”

They stared for a moment. Their heart beats with the same rhythm as their feelings speaks the same thoughts. Neither of them spoke, their gazes locked in a silent duel, punctuated only by the occasional rumble of a passing car.

It's true, they weren't friends now because they were more than that. They can't stay as friends-- no, not when they got a taste of each other's lips and tell the things that they weren't normally saying as friends.

Aiah could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, a blush that had nothing to do with the humid night air. She shifted slightly, the movement breaking the spell for a fleeting moment. Then, in a swift motion, Jhoanna reached out, her hand finding Aiah's. It made the latter smile, low and genuine, and was enough to make her feel at ease amidst the whirlwind of emotions inside her. 

But she almost lost it when Jhoanna reached for a hug, a gesture that spoke volume more than any words could. At this point, she could already feel Jhoanna's heartbeat mirroring her own. Too loud and too fast, it almost felt like their own heartbeats were in a competition.

Jhoanna rested her head on Aiah's shoulder. Eyes closed and her breathing was steady and a bit shaky. 

"Can I have your permission to speak what's on my mind?" Jhoanna suddenly asked. Her words were shaky and her voice was barely audible.

For a moment, Aiah felt nervous, but beneath that were an emotion that felt too out of place for this moment.

Kinakabahan siya, but why does her intuition say that something good is going to happen?

"Go on, speak your mind, Jho."

She replied as she shut her eyes off. Her jaw is slightly clenched from nervousness.

"Promise me you won't freak out."

"I won't," she kissed Jhoanna's temple. "Say it, Jho." She whispered, subtly urging her to tell it immediately before she lost her mind.

Jhoanna exhaled sharply and swallowed the lump on her throat. She needs to say it. It was long overdue. 

She tightened her hug but gave enough space for Aiah to breathe.

"I love you." She whispered as she tightened the hug again, her heartbeat wildly thump in her chest.

She felt Aiah's body become tensed. But even so, she smiled, at least she knew that it had an effect on her.

"I'm not urging you to say it back, Aiah. I'm telling you just now dahil I think I might explode when I keep these feelings unsaid for even a day." 

She pulled back from the hug and bravely met Aiah's widening eyes. "I love you-- and I think it will keep that way for a long time. Don't worry, I'm not expecting something in return. Thus, I will be pursuing you the right way."

She smiled, a genuine affection that reached her eyes amidst those thick framed eyeglasses. "So, if you may, would you mind giving me your permission to court you?" She then asked.

Aiah... Aiah was flabbergasted. 

She can't process the words that Jhoanna had said. Let alone the fact that she already says those three words as she looked at her eyes. She didn't even stutter, nor blinked. She stood there, eyes wide open and pouring her heart out on every word. 

Jhoanna was looking at her with a hope glittering in her eyes. 

"I---" They were both startled when a black car suddenly beeps in their direction. 

Aiah cursed on her mind. Ilang beses nang may sagabal sa moment nila and the day isn't even over yet!

Jhoanna chuckled and gently squeezed Aiah's hand. "It's okay, we can talk this out later. Hatid na kita?" She said as she guided her to the passenger's seat. 

"Kuya, pahatid nalang po siya nang maayos. Ingat po sana kayo!" Bilin ni Jhoanna sa driver bago dumako ang tingin kay Aiah na hanggang ngayon ay medyo tulala parin.

"Text me when you get home." 

Aiah simply nodded before the car left. Kahit hanggang sa biyahe ay tulala parin siya't hindi makapaniwala. 

It shouldn't be a surprise right? Because two years of harboring feelings means practically loving them as the days go by. Sa ganoong katagal ba naman ng pagkakaroon ng feelings ni Jhoanna para sa kaniya, imposibleng hindi iyon umabot sa pagmamahal.

Pero iba kasi ang pakiramdam nito nang sabihin mismo ito ni Jhoanna sa personal.

Aiah wanted to scream, but there was a subtle smirk settling on her face as she remembered the moment from a while ago.

Jhoanna wanted to court her. Jhoanna wanted to pursue her.

She bites her lips and rests her hand on her chest, feeling her heartbeat as she thought of Jhoanna.

What a privilege to be pursued by you, Miss Jhoanna Christine Burgos Robles.

She reached her apartment with a smile plastered on her lips. She texted Jhoanna, telling her that she's already at home. She was near her door when she noticed a person standing near it.

Agad na nawala ang ngiti niya at tumigil sa paghahanap ng susi sa kanyang bag.

Resting casually on the corner of her apartment was Gelo, holding a bouquet of flowers.

Aiah's brow furrowed when she also noticed that the flower wasn't the same as he gave her every time. Gelo usually gave her roses of different colors. Aiah being the kind person that she is accepts those gifts and says her regards after. But the fact was, Aiah loved tulips rather than roses.

Palaging rosas ang binibigay ni Gelo. Kaya nagtataka siya ngayon dahil ngayon lang siya binigyan ni Gelo ng tulips.

Gelo approached her with a slow step which made the latter unconsciously move back but not quite much.

"You can't keep ignoring me forever, Aiah." Gelo started as she gave her the bouquet. He smiled, a kind where it was genuine yet there's a hint of sadness from her eyes.

Aiah accepted the flowers, but words weren't coming out from her mouth.

"Let me do it right this time, Ai." He gently squeezed Aiah's hand. "I promise I won't let you slip away."