Liham sa Ulap

Jhoanna’s life wasn’t exactly the type of colorless; it was just a shade of nude and grayish colors. For her, it symbolizes her simplicity, clarity, and perhaps even a bit of naivety. She was not quite a fan of different colors and wearing eyeglasses was a testament to her lack of fondness for colorful things.

Honestly, Jhoanna didn't get it. People were so obsessed with all those vibrant hues. While for her, it was just… too much. Even the brightly colored shop around her felt like a clown had thrown up a rainbow.

Her clothes were mostly grays, beiges, whites, and maybe a dark navy if she was feeling adventurous. Her apartment was an even minimalist monastery with a shade of blue and white. For her, it wasn’t boring—it was peaceful and calming. She appreciated the artistry of color, she really did. She could see the skill in a perfectly blended sunset or a masterfully painted portrait. But for her own life? She preferred the quiet elegance of the monochrome. It was just…her. Besides, it was much easier to match her outfits.

But deep in her mind, although it was pleasing, it seemed dull and lifeless otherwise.

Even her view for love personifies those colors… predictable, straightforward, and perhaps even a little rigid. At kung iisipin ding mabuti, parang hindi parin masyadong maganda kung iisang shade lang ng kulay ang nakapinta sa mundo niya.

That was until Aiah came and changed her perspective.

She became her own symbol of yellow, her ball of sunshine that brightened her day. Her happiness and joy are in all forms.

Her blue, her definition of the sky covers her whole world and gently soothes and calms her soul.

Green, like how nature is being therapeutic, Aiah is being her unpaid therapist without her knowing. Her smile was enough to calm the storm that was raging in Jhoanna’s mind.

She could say red, for that color represents love and intense feelings for a person.

But for her, loving Aiah was gold. Golden, even.

Loving Aiah isn't some simple, black and white or other colored picture. It's a shimmering, golden tapestry, woven with so many threads of joy, passion, and even a little bit of heartache. She used to think love was all neat and tidy, but now she sees it for what it truly is.

A radiant masterpiece-- full of warmth and depth. Like a precious treasure, Aiah was something to be cherished and held close.

Aiah, was all her bright shade of hues, coloring her life with something wonderful.

“Ate Colet, hindi ko parin talaga alam kung anong paboritong bulaklak ni ate Aiah.” Jhoanna exhaled sharply as she complained. Kanina pa sila ikot nang ikot, pero hindi parin siya nakakadecide kung ano ang kukunin niya.

“Alam mo, para sa taong matagal nang nagkakagusto—ikaw lang ata ‘yung tipo na hindi alam ang mga hilig ng taong nagugustuhan niya.” Colet sounded stress as she spoke. Nakahawak ito sa kanyang baywang at saka bumuntong hininga. “Kanina pa tayo lakad nang lakad dito. Maawa ka naman sa mas nakakatanda sa’yo.”

Jhoanna pouted and look around her. She clearly didn’t expect that choosing a flower could be so tiring and exhausting. Mainit, maraming tao, at nakakapagod. Mas malala pa na kailangang pumili ng ibibigay lalo na’t marami ang pagpipilian. Medyo nahihilo na nga siya dahil makukulay pa ang mga nandoon.

Aiah gave colors to her life, indeed. Pero ibang usapan kapag mata niya ang nakakita ng iba’t ibang kulay all at once.

“Nagsisisi nga ako kung ba’t hindi ko natanong noon eh.” Sagot niya’t inayos ang salamin. She sighed in defeat as she searched for possible flower that Aiah would love. Iyong bulaklak syempre na hindi binibigay ni Gelo ang ibibigay niya sa kaniya.

She wants something unique, iyong hindi pa nakikita ni Jhoanna na naibibigay sa kaniya ng kahit kanino.

“Ganap na ganap kasi maging manliligaw eh, nahihiya naman kapag kaharap ang mga kaibigan.” Saad ni Colet. The younger clicked her tongue from disappointment.

“Parang maling desisyon din na ikaw ang niyaya kong kasama. Hindi ka nakakatulong, ate Colet, sa totoo lang.”

“Wow ha? Kasalanan ko bang ayaw kang samahan ng best friend mong si Staku kasi may date siya? Pasalamat ka nga’t pumayag ako imbes sana na nagpapahinga ako ngayon sa office.”

“Ikaw mismo nagsabi na office iyon pero doon ka ‘ka mo na magpapahinga?”

“Pake mo ba? Eh airconditioned ‘yung room, tahimik, at may wifi pa.”

“Alam mo ate,” Jhoanna frustratingly sighed. “Tulungan mo nalang akong pumili para matapos na tayo rito’t makabalik na rin sa school. Sumasakit na rin ang mata ko sa iba’t ibang kulay na nakikita ko, okay? Kaya pwede ba makipag-cooperate ka nalang sa’kin po?” she whined, adding some emphasis on the word “po”.

Colet rolled her eyes, “You dislike colors as if you’re not raising a rainbow flag.”

“That was totally a different case!” Jhoanna massaged her forehead, “Ate, please, just help me on this one. First time ko siyang bibigyan eh.” She pleaded, her voice a little softer this time.

The older one sighed when she sensed the desperation in Jhoanna’s voice. Kung sabagay, nandito rin naman siya dahil pumayag siya sa request niyang samahan ito. Apart from that, it is her way on supporting the girl to make her move on the girl she likes. Ngayon nga lang nagiging matapang ilahad talaga ang totoong nararamdaman niya eh, kaya sino siya para pigilan o hadlangan ang gusto nitong gawin para sa taong gusto niya?

Nalaman niya lang din naman kanina na nanliligaw na pala talaga officially si Jhoanna kay Aiah but they were keeping it a secret with their friends.

But they weren’t so subtle about it because Colet noticed how things have changed between them since the day when Colet let Aiah go to Jhoanna’s apartment alone, leaving her to do her work.

Nagkakahiyaan pa nga sila madalas sa office na akala mo first time lang magkita.

“Fine, pero huwag ka sanang matagal masyado sa pagpipili ‘no. Mainit kasi ngayon at medyo mabilis lang maubos ang pasensya ko.” Colet explained and calmed herself, although, her voice was a bit sharp, almost sounding like a threat.

“First, ano ba ang gusto mong ibigay? Fresh flower or dried? Mag-base muna tayo sa opinion mo.”

Jhoanna thinks for a second before she responded, “Dried nalang. Malalanta kasi kaagad ang fresh flowers lalo ngayon na mainit.”

Colet nodded, “Okay, so sa may section ng dried flowers tayo pupunta.” She noted that on her mind. “Tapos? Anong favorite color niya? kung ano ang favorite niya na kulay, iyon ang ibigay mo.”

“Black eh.” Jhoanna started, “So I should give her black flowers ba? Iyon kasi ang paborito niyang kulay. Tsaka hindi ba magiging contrast ‘yun sa personality niya kung sakali? Kulay black ‘yung flowers tapos mukha naman siyang anghel.” She blurted out innocently.

Colet fight the urge to roll her eyes again. Hindi niya kasi mawari kung nakikipagbiruan bas a kaniya si Jhoanna o talagang clueless lang siya masyado.

“Ikaw, Jhoanna, kung gusto mong pagmukhaing parang pinaglalamayan din si Aiah o kaya gawin siyang emo girl—bigyan mo lang siya ng black flowers.” She said, not even bothering to hide her sarcasm.

“You’re not taking this seriously!”

“Then don’t try to put words into my mouth! Jusko, sinabihan na nga lang kita na mabilis lang ako mawalan ng pasensya dahil ang init init tas ikaw ito—nagtatanong pa talaga kung kulay black ba na bulaklak ang ibibigay mo—malamang hindi! Sino bang buang ang magbibigay ng black flowers sa nililigawan niya?”

Jhoanna also rolled her eyes pero hindi na niya ito pinakita dahil sa malamang ay pupuksain na naman siya ng kasama niya. Plus, she has a point. Ang weird lang din na porket naisip niyang black ang favorite color ni Aiah ay iyon na rin ang kulay sa kukunin niyang bulaklak. She muttered her sorry for Colet and decided to ask for recommended shops sa ibang tao.

When they reached to the specific place, agad din silang nagtanong kung anong maire-recommend nilang bulaklak. Jhoanna listened attentively to what the florist says, how different flowers have their own magical language spoken by blooms and have a silent symphony of emotions and meanings. In the end, she chose to pick one dried pink rose to put at the centerpiece and dried hydrangeas along with white sea lavender as decorations.

She has learned that the pink rose symbolizes admiration and gratitude, dried hydrangeas exude grace and profound emotions, while lavenders represent serenity and devotion. Even in their dried form, they retain their elegance, symbolizing enduring love and timeless beauty. Black na rin ang pinili niyang kulay para sa flower wrap nito para maganda tignan ‘yung combination of colors niya.

She smiled when she saw the final output. Ang ganda, ang elegante, at hindi masakit sa mata ang kulay.

“For special someone po?” asked the florist.

Jhoanna simply smiled and nodded, “Opo.”

“He must really be a good guy kaya kayo po mismo ang magbibigay ng bulaklak sa kaniya.” Saad ng florist and she cast her sweet smile.

There it is again.

Bakit ba laging ina-assume ng mga tao na para lang sa heterosexual relationship ang pagbibigay ng mga gifts like flowers? Medyo nakaka-disappoint ah.

“It’s for my friend na nililigawan niya.” Colet answered just before Jhoanna could do so. She gently squeezed her arm and swiftly positioned herself beside her. For others, this might look like a normal move, but for Jhoanna, she sees this as a gesture of a friend who was ready to fight with you.

Ngumiti si Colet sa kaniya bago ituon ang pansin sa babaeng nasa harap nila.

“Sa babae po nagkakagusto eh, kaya nag e-effort ngayon para ma-impress siya’t makuha ang matamis niyang oo. Sweet niya po, hindi ba?”

They saw how the florist was a bit shocked about what she heard. Ngumiti lang din si Jhoanna ngunit pasimple niya ring kinurot sa tagiliran si Colet. The latter flinched and glared at the former and clicked her tongue.

Ang corny kasi ng pagkakasabi kahit totoo!

“Bayaran mo na ‘yan nang makabalik na tayo. Pero libre mo muna ako ng meryenda kasi naguggutom na ako.” Huling saad ni Colet bago ito magpaalam na mauna ng lumabas.

Jhoanna immediately handed her payment to the florist whom is also the cashier. Hindi na rin ito muling umimik sa kaniya’t halatang pilit na rin ngumiti, hindi na gaya nung kanina. She didn’t mind, though, and she didn’t expect anyone to care. But she wasn’t that rude, she still thanked her for the flower arrangement and complimented her for her craft. Ngumiti pa nga ito nang malawak kahit halatang hindi na natutuwa sa kaniya ‘yung tao.

“Saan mo gustong kumain, ate Colet?” Jhoanna asked when she made her way out of the shop. The older girl turned to look at her with her phone in her hand. “Or mag take out nalang tayo?”

Colet agreed to take takeouts, then her gaze drifted to the bouquet Jhoanna was holding. “Hindi ka ba nalalakihan diyan sa kinuha mo? Makikita nila ‘yan.”

“Hindi ko naman ‘to ibibigay publicly eh.” Jhoanna answered directly. “Bigay ko mamaya sa kaniya kapag ihahatid ko siya.”

Colet scoffed, “Iba ka rin manligaw eh. Daig mo pa ang non-showbiz sweethearts. Ba’t ba ayaw mong malaman ng iba?”

“Hindi naman sa ayaw ko.”

“Eh ba’t mo tinatago?”

Jhoanna sighed, “Requirement ba na maging showy or i-publicize kung gusto mong magpakita ng affection sa isang tao? Kasi kung hindi naman, then I guess I’m not doing the wrong thing.” She started and stared at the bouquet she was holding. From then, she smiled, deeply engrossed with the beauty of the gift.

“It’s not completely a secret naman kasi alam mo nga eh.” She paused for a bit and then traced the rose on the center of the bouquet. “Minsan gusto ko rin talagang ipagkalandakan sa mga tao kung gaano ko siya kagusto. Deserve niya naman ‘yun, I know. But… there’s a beauty in keeping things in private, you of all people should know that.” She faced Colet with such understanding in her eyes and her lips curved into a gentle smile.

“People tend to ruin good things when it was out in the open. At gusto ko rin ‘yung peace na binibigay sa akin ng pagiging discreet na tao. Wala silang alam—unless ako mismo ang magsabi, and they won’t destroy something kasi wala silang alam, hindi ba? Tahimik lang ang buhay kapag ganoon.” She said confidently and shrugged.

“Pero sa tinhgin mo, iyon ba ang gusto ni Aiah?” Colet replied.

Napatingin naman agad si Jhoanna sa kaniya. “H-Ha?” Tanong niya.

Hindi siya naguluhan, nabigla lang dahil hindi niya iyon inaasahan na tanong galing sa kaniya.

Colet sighed, and shifted from her position. "Si Aiah, sa tingin mo ba gusto niya 'yung ginagawa mo?"

"What do you mean?"

"I understand what you're coming from. Walang masisira kung walang makakaalam. But the question is, does Aiah even want to be kept in the shadows? If so, then okay lang talaga 'yang ginagawa mo. But if it's the other way around, then I suggest you change your approach."

She tapped Jhoanna's shoulder, making her slightly flinch. "Ikaw ang nanliligaw, therefore, you should adjust to her amends to make her feel special. Dagdag points iyon, Jhoanna, kapag alam mo ang mga gusto niya. Baka nakakalimutan mong hindi lang ikaw ang nanliligaw sa kanya?" 

She exhaled sharply from the last sentence. She totally forgot about that information. Pero inaamin niya rin na that was a good take from her ate Colet. Bakit nga naman ba kasi nagbabase lang si Jhoanna sa mga gusto niya? Eh hindi naman sarili niya ang kaniyang nililigawan. 

Jhoanna wanted to keep things in private as possible. Pero once na makakuha siya ng permission from Aiah na ligawan siya in public, then she will do it in a heartbeat.

But thinking about it, napapansin niya ring hindi na niya masyadong nakikita si Gelo kahit nasa iisang campus lang sila. Not to mention that he sometimes visits the office before to look for Aiah or give her some foods and essentials. Pero ngayon, ni anino nito ay hindi niya makita, at hindi rin siya mine-mention ni Aiah kapag magkasama silang dalawa. Kahit slip of the tongue scenario, wala na talaga. She wonders what's up. 

And for some unknown reason, parang bigla siyang kinabahan. 

But she silently thanked Colet for that advice instead. At least, sa susunod alam na niya ang gagawin. Ayaw niya rin naman makapante. Ang dapat niya lang malaman ngayon ay kung ano ang mga hilig ni Aiah na hindi niya alam.

They quietly drive their way back to school with some takeouts. Hindi sana marami ang bitbit nila ngayon but Jhoanna messaged their group chat thinking that they also wanted to buy something para sila na ni Colet ang bibili. What she didn’t expect was lahat ng kaibigan nila ay may ipinabili talaga’t hindi pa pare parehas ng store kaya medyo natagalan din.

Aiah, as expected, didn’t bother to open their group chat again unless it’s emergency, kaya siya lang ulit ang walang pinabili. But since Jhoanna is thoughtful, she doubled her order so that Aiah could have something too. Hindi rin naman ito masyadong mapili sa pagkain kaya inisip niya nalang na magugustuhan niya rin iyon.

Iniwan niya muna sa backseat ‘yung bulaklak bago sila bumaba ng kotse. Her eyes quickly searched for someone in the room when they arrived. But the usual smile in her face was dissolving the moment she didn’t see Aiah in their office. She pouted and looked at the time on her phone, or maybe expecting some notification from Aiah on the screen.

But there was none, at wala siyang ibang nagawa kung hindi bumuntong hininga na lamang.

“Saan si ate Aiah?” Jhoanna asked the group habang nagkakagulo silang kunin ang mga in-order nila isa isa.

Dahil nga sa ka-busy’han, wala munang sumagot sa kaniya. She exhaled and gently scratched her eyebrows before approaching them.

Tinapik niya ang alam niyang sasagot sa kaniya nang matino. “Ate Maloi,” the latter poked her drink using the straw first then she hummed as an answer. “Nakita mo si ate Aiah?”

Maloi took a sip of her fruit soda and nodded, “Pero kanina pa siya lumabas, bebe. Sabi niya may pupuntahan lang daw siya saglit pero matagal tagal na rin nung nakaalis siya. Hindi rin nabanggit eh kung saan pumunta.”

Saan naman kaya ‘yun nagtungo eh medyo mainit pa? May payong naman siguro siyang kuha bago umalis, ‘di ba? Tanong niya sa kaniyang sarili at pasimpleng tinignan ang rack kung saan sila naglalagay ng payong.

“May kasama ba siya?”

Wala ‘yung payong, baka nga kinuha niya.

“Na lumabas? Wala naman din. ‘Tsaka hindi rin naman siya nagmamadaling umalis kanina kaya hindi nalang din kami nagsalita.” Maloi replied before munching the fries that Jhoanna ordered.

Jhoanna just nodded and thanked Maloi for the information. She then grabbed her phone to message Aiah, telling her she got her some meryendas for the afternoon. After sending the message, agad niya rin namang pinwesto ang binili niya sa mismong desk ni Aiah.

A ghost of a smile occurred on her lips as she carefully placed the food on Aiah’s desk. No one knows, even her ate Colet that she secretly put a simple note on Aiah’s food box. The food was inside a paper bag and Jhoanna took the opportunity to give her a short note. She hoped that it would make Aiah smile, at least. And just the thought of Aiah smiling because of her gave her warmth in her chest.

And before she could even let the others take a glimpse of her face flushing, she turned herself to her own desk and sat comfortably. She put her earphones on, took a bite of her burger, and saw something to work on while waiting for her precious president to come back.

But seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned an hour, but Aiah still hasn’t come back. She keeps tracking the time. If she adds up the time that Maloi had tell her when she left, it was almost two hours. Hindi pa siya bumabalik. She hadn’t been answering Jhoanna’s chats either. Even the ice on Aiah’s drink have completely dissolved. Kung maitikman lang ni Jhoanna ito ngayon, baka itapon niya na agad dahil sa itsura pa lamang ay halatang wala ng lasa. Even the food, kung kanina ay mainit pa, malamang ngayon ay malamig na rin at hindi na masarap. May fries pa naman doon.

Jhoanna sighed dramatically while looking at Aiah’s unoccupied seat and untouched food from her table. 5 pm and it was almost time for their dismissal, pero si Aiah, wala parin—kahit paramdam ay wala rin. Nandito pa naman ang mga gamit niya kaya imposibleng nakauwi na ito o ‘di kaya’y gumala outside the school.

Possible naman kayang may emergency meeting sa org nila at kailangan ng presensya niya? Or baka may na-meet siyang long-time friend and they decided to catch up a bit? Right? Like, she can’t be in a serious problem right now, hindi ba?

“Huy!”

Jhoanna flinched when she felt someone nudged at her. Medyo napalakas pa ang paghiyaw nito dahil sa pagkagulat niya. She hasn’t realized that she’s been staring at Aiah’s desk for so long. Kaya gulat na gulat talaga siya sa simpleng pagsiko sa kaniya ni Maloi.

Maloi chuckled while Jhoanna was still trying to recover from being flustered.

“Gulat na gulat ah. ‘Tsaka ba’t ba nakatingin sa kawalan ang bebe na ‘yan? May iniisip ka ba?”

Jhoanna cupped her face and adjusted her eyeglasses, “W-Wala naman po.” She simply replied.

“Hindi ka pa ba uuwi? Mag 6 na eh.”

Jhoanna’s lips slightly parted from that. Grabe? Kanina 5pm palang ah. She looked at Maloi, her shoulder bag full of anik-anik settling comfortably on her side. Sa likod niya ay nakapwesto si Stacey na nakatingin din sa kaniya’t napataas ng kilay.

They’re going home?

“Uwi na kayo?” she asked as if it wasn’t obvious enough.

“Oo, beh, eh ikaw?” Maloi pointed at her, “Hindi ka pa ba sasabay?”

Wala pa si Aiah.

“H-Hindi pa, may ginagawa pa eh.” Saad niya sabay turo rin sa kaniyang monitor.

Maloi nodded, ready na rin sana magpaalam nang biglang nagsalita si Stacey.

“Sus! May hinihintay lang ‘yan kaya hindi pa makauwi.”

Jhoanna scoffed and shook her head in disagreement. Pero hindi naman siya mali, she thought.

“Sino naman ang hihintayin ko rito, Sevilleja? Eh talaga namang may tinatapos pa akong trabaho rito. Kahit bantayan mo pa ako rito hanggang sa matapos ako kung gusto mo. Ako na rin ang maghahatid sa’yo mamaya.” Saka ito tumalikod at nagtype ng kung anu-ano

“Hayaan niyo na muna siya, sabay nalang kami mamaya. Vice president ‘yan eh, malamang mas marami ‘yang gagawin kaysa sa ibang officer gaya namin.” Sabat ni Colet.

Jhoanna secretly smiled from the simple gesture. Alam niya kung ano ang ginagawa ni Colet. Tinutulungan niya lang ito para mabigyan silang dalawa ni Aiah ng time mamaya na sa kanilang dalawa lang.

Pasimple niyang tinuon ang tingin ay Colet at saka ito tumango bilang senyales ng pasasalamat. Wala namang naging reaksyon ‘yung isa, which is okay na rin para hindi mahalata ng iba na may communication sila non-verbally.

But Stacey didn’t falter, tinatawag na siya ni Maloi para umuwi pero hindi siya nakikinig. She wants to do something. Something that will feed her suspicions. May nahahalata siya pero ayaw niya lang tanungin sa iba, lalo na kay Jhoanna.

She squinted her eyes; Jhoanna’s back was facing her. May naisip na siyang gagawin niya para malaman kung totoo ang suspetya niya. Now, if Jhoanna reacts, that means that her intuition was right. If not, then she needs to do something more profound to prove that she’s right.

“Huy, Staks, tara na. Ano pang ginagawa mo diyan?” Maloi asked her again her brows getting furrowed as she taps Stacey’s arm.

Stacey gently cleared her throat before saying: “Uy, ate Aiah! Nakabalik ka na pala!” she bluntly said, her eyes never leaving Jhoanna even for a second.

Maloi was confused. She looked at the door and found out that Aiah wasn’t there, as Stacey had mentioned. And when she turned again to face Stacey, she met Jhoanna’s eyes instead. She looks so flustered and undeniably excited by the news. Mapupugay ang mga mata nito sa likod ng salaming suot niya. She’s not smiling either, yet how she reacted was enough to tell that she’s feeling happy.

Colet puts her palm on her forehead. Mikha grinned witnessing the slight comedy in the room. Stacey crossed her arms on her chest and smirked when she saw Jhoanna’s reaction. While Gwen… she was listening to some music, wearing her earphones with its maximum volume.

Bakla ka ng taon! Stacey screams in her head while looking at Jhoanna’s flustered face. Namumula na ito at hindi niya alam kung sa pagkagulat lang ba o may halo na itong inis.

“Oo nga. Obvious ngang wala kang hinihitay.” Stacey uttered with sarcastic voice before turning her back to Jhoanna. “Tara na, hatid mo na ako, baby.” Saad niya kay Maloi sa mababang boses.

Jhoanna massaged the bridge of her nose when Stacey left. Hindi pa niya naibabalik ang tingin sa kaniyang monitor dahil natulala na lamang ito dahil sa hiya. She silently cursed herself for being too obvious about it. Now, may idea na tuloy sila kung ano ang meron.

Not that they didn’t know she had harbored feelings for their president, alam naman nila iyon noon pa. But they had no idea, except for Colet, that she’s already courting Aiah. Iniiwasan niya lang maasar. Alam na alam pa naman niya kung gaano kakulit ang ibang member sa office.

Jhoanna was contemplating whether to send a message to Aiah again or to call her. Hindi kasi talaga ito nagrerespond sa kaniya kanina pa. Kaya nagbabakasakali siya na kapag tawagan niya’y sasagot ito.

Her fingers hovered over her phone with her screen showing Aiah’s contact information. She poked her cheeks insid. Tatawagan ko ba or hintayin ko nalang? She glaced over the time, okay, huwag nalang muna. Medyo maaga pa naman eh, bulong niya sa kaniyang isip.

But she really is unpredictable sometimes. Because instead of turning off her phone, she dialed Aiah’s number, na medyo nanginginig pa ang kamay.

Napaka-oa!

It’s really true that love can make you feel even unexplainable feelings sometimes. Magulo, minsan din malumanay, pero most of the time, it drives us crazy without noticing it.

Thankfully, Jhoanna’s misery quickly died off when she realized that she didn't need to dial Aiah’s number for the second time because it only took two rings for Aiah to answer her phone.

"Jho?" Aiah answered from the other line, and hearing her voice again almost made Jhoanna melt.

"A-Aiah..." She cleared her throat. "Saan ka?"

"Here na. Is something wrong?

"Wala naman. Malapit na kasi gumabi and kanina ka pa wala. I was just wondering where you've gone to."

The door suddenly creaks after Jhoanna answers. Aiah was already closing the door when the latter turned up to her, parehas na nakadikit ang phones sa kanilang tenga. Si Jhoanna? ayun, kinikilig na naman nang makita ang mukhang gusto niyang makita.

"I'm here," Aiah mutters without putting down the phone. Jhoanna heard it personally even though they were still on call. 

Aiah smiled and simply turned off the phone and made a beeline to get closer to the younger.

"Hey." She says while smiling.

Jhoanna adjusted her glasses before answering with a simple "Hi."

They stared at each other for a minute. Lips almost cracked because of how big their smiles were. Their faces now share the same color—pinkish—a subtle blush.

"Sakto nandito ka na." They both turned their heads to Colet; the bubble they created a while ago popped. "Una na kami, Aiah at Jhoanna. Sunod na rin kayo mamaya, baka gabihin pa kayo." Saad nito't saka tinapik si Mikha.

“Going too soon? Kararating ko lang ah. What if magsabay na kaya tayo mamaya?” Aiah answered as she led herself to her desk, her hand subtly rubbed Jhoanna’s shoulder before sitting.

Umawang ang labi niya nang makita ang medyo basang table. May inumin din doon na suspetya niya’y matagal nang nakapatong dahil nag iba na ang kulay buhat nang natunaw na yelo. Iyon din siguro ang dahilan ba’t medyo basa ang desk niya. tatanungin niya pa lamang si Jhoanna tungkol doon pero nakuha na naman ni Colet ang atensyon niya.

“Hindi na,” she simply said, eyeing Jhoanna a knowing glance. “May gagawin din kasi ako. Oh siya, mauna na kami ha.” Saad niya sabay talikod.

Mikha only nodded at them before she followed Colet outside, leaving Aiah and Jhoanna in the room.

“Did you put it here?” walang pag alinlangang tanong ni Aiah nang wala na ‘yung dalawa.

Jhoanna nodded and gently scratched her eyebrows, “Oo, akala ko kasi nandito ka kanina.”

“You should’ve texted me, edi sana pumunta agada ko kanina rito.”

“I did kaya. Siguro hindi mo lang nakita.”

Aiah’s brow furrowed but then she also remembered that she didn’t pull out her phone while she was talking with someone earlier.

“Oo nga pala,” She said while shaking her head. “I didn’t bother to open my phone kanina since I was with someone.” Saad pa niya sabay kuha ng straw.

“Anong ginagawa mo?” Jhoanna asked when she saw Aiah tearing up the plastic that was covering the straw.

Aiah poked the opening of the container gamit ‘yung straw. “Sayang kasi eh,” she took a sip, “Hmm, okay pa naman din siya. Bigay mo pa naman ‘to. I wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”

Jhoanna felt her giddy with that simple statement. She cleared her throat. “B-Baka wala nang lasa. Pati ‘yung fries diyan sa paper bag, baka matigas na.”

“Oh, you bought fries too?” Aiah asked, a little bit surprised. Binaba niya agad ang inumin niya’t inopen ang paper bag.

“Yeah, I figured baka gusto mo lang since hindi ka sumasagot sa gc natin kanina.” Sagot ni Jhoanna habang tinitignan si Aiah na binubuksan ang bag.

Upon opening, nakita ni Aiah na may maliit na papel na nakapatong sa box ng pagkain. Agad niya itong kinuha, “What’s this?” she asked curiously.

Nanlaki ang mat ani Jhoanna nang makita niya kung ano ang tinutukoy ni Aiah. It was her note. A very simple, yet embarrassing note.

Tumayo siya agad para kunin ang papel na hawak ni Aiah. But the latter had a quick reflex, agad niya itong nilayo nang makita niya si Jhoanna na hahablutin ‘yung papel.

“Why are you coming after this? Ano bang laman nito?” tanong ni Aiah sabay sensyas sa papel na hawak niya.

Jhoanna shook her head, “W-Wala p-pero pwedeng m-mamaya mo na buksan o basahin?”

Aiah’s curiosity only sparked after seeing Jhoanna’s reaction. She extended her palm outwards, her fingers slightly spread, signaling Jhoanna to stay where she is while she tried to open the note. Pero makulit si Jhoanna, ayaw niya talagang makita o mabasa muna ito ni Aiah nang magkasama sila. She was okay with it if wasn’t just the two of them in the room though.

She stepped forward, persistent snatch the paper in Aiah’s possession. But Aiah was really quick, ngayon ay sinusubukan niya ring ipunta ito sa part na hindi abot ni Jhoanna.

“Jho!” saad ni Aiah, nagbabanta. “Ano ba ‘yan, ba’t mo inaagaw?” pagpapatuloy niya, nilalayo parin ang papel mula kay Jhoanna.

“Mamaya mo na nga lang kasi buksan! Nahihiya ako eh.”

“No, I like to open here now. Alis ka muna diyan para mabasa ko.”

“No!”

“Isa, Jho. Ayaw mo talaga?”

“Mamaya na nga kasi!” Saad ni Jhoanna, nagpupumiglas parin sa pagtutol ni Aiah sa kaniya.

When Aiah doesn’t take it any longer, she harshly gets up on her seat, gripping Jhoanna’s hand gently—hindi mahigpit, hindi rin masyadong magaan—kumbaga sakto lang ‘yung pagkakahawak niya sa kaniya. Her other hand swiftly moves on Jhoanna’s waist for support and pinned her into the table, ‘yung kamay na hawak niya’y binaba niya sa mismong taas ng mesa.

Aiah’s grip wasn’t that harsh and it wasn’t gentle either. But Jhoanna’s heartbeat was getting out of hand… again. She blinked three times, deeply trying to process what just happened and how did they even get into that position. Aiah's gaze, though firm, wasn't intense but it still held Jhoanna captive. Jhoanna's mind raced, trying to make sense of the situation. She felt trapped, her body pinned against the table, Aiah's hand holding hers firmly, her other hand resting on Jhoanna's waist. The air seemed to crackle with unspoken tension, the only sound the frantic thumping of Jhoanna's heart against her ribs.

But the weird thing is, as much as she felt trapped, parang… parang mas gusto niya ang nangyayari ngayon.

She didn’t know—kung okay lang ba a kaniya ang maging ganito ka-down bad sa isang tao. Na kahit sa mga ganitong bagay ay natutuwa parin siya. Na para bang kahit siguro sabihan siya ni Aiah na tumalon sa bangin o sa dagat at agad din niyang gagawin.

Aiah's grip tightened ever so slightly while Jhoanna swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. Aiah leaned closer, her breath ghosting over Jhoanna's cheek. “Marunong ka rin naman palang mag behave.” she murmured, her voice low and husky.

Aiah, sensing Jhoanna's confusion, leaned back, her eyes still fixed on Jhoanna's. With a swift movement, she released Jhoanna's hand and pulled back, her hand sliding off Jhoanna's waist. Jhoanna, still stunned, could only stare as Aiah sat back in her chair, her expression unreadable.

She opened the small piece of paper and read the note. Binuksan niya rin ang karton na may lamang fries at kumain muna roon bago basahin ang nakasulat sa papel. But it almost felt like a bad idea because she almost choked when she read the note.

Aiah ko,

Baka hinahayaan mo nalang ang sarili mong magutom? Here, I brought you some food. Fries, ‘coz I’m always here fries-sa’yo *wink*.

Aiah wasn’t sure what to feel. Okay sa kaniya na tinawag siyang “Aiah ko”. But she felt like laughing because damn, that was one of a hell a bad pick-up line or whatever they call it.

Fries. Fries-sa’yo? Para sa’yo? That was it, right?

Aiah was now holding her laughter, hininto niya muna ang pagkain at saka tumingin kay Jhoanna na ngayon ay namumula ang mukha. She must be embarrassed from her note, Aiah thought. Pero hindi pa tumagal ng isang minute ay natawa na siya kaagad nang makita niya itong tulala parin hanggang ngayon.

Jhoanna heard Aiah’s laugh which made her back to reality. The girl was still stuck in the situation earlier, contrast to what Aiah was thinking. And Jhoanna seeing Aiah’s laughing was making her confused. Pero agad din niya itong na-gets nang makita niyang nakaopen na ‘yung papel na pilit niyang kinukuha kanina.

“S-Sabi ko kasi mamaya mo na basahin eh!” she whined while she grabbed the note from Aiah’s hand. The latter was still laughing so she had the opportunity to get it from her.

“Hey! Give me that back!” saad ni Aiah bago ulit hablutin ang papel kay Jhoanna. Hindi na rin nagpumiglas pa si Jhoanna dahil baka maulit na naman ‘yung nangyari kanina.

Aiah carefully folds the paper and places it into her pocket so that Jhoanna won’t be able to grab it again.

“Cute mo for that,” Aiah muttered and winked to tease Jhoanna.

Jhoanna jokingly rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. “And you should stop teasing me for that.”

“I’m not teasing you naman ah? Sabi ko nga rin ang cute mo eh. Iyon na ata ang pinaka-cheesy na pick-up line na nabasa ko.”

“Pinaka-corny, you mean to say.” Jhoanna corrected, her brows arching in a joking manner.

“Oh, wala akong sinabi na ganyan ah.”

“But you didn’t disagree when I said na corny nga ‘yun.”

Aiah chuckled and extended her arm, her hands twitching, subtly telling Jhoanna to move closer. The latter shook her head at first, but when she saw Aiah pouting and making cute faces to lure her in, she bites the inside of her cheeks before giving in.

Walang silbi ang pagpapakipot kapag si Aiah na ang gumagawa ng paraan. Agad -agad na bumibigay si Jhoanna diyan.

Now, Aiah was hugging her, her head resting on Jhoanna’s stomach since she was sitting. While Jhoanna gently patted Aiah’s head, caressing her smooth hair like a child.

No words, just enjoying the spur of a moment thing. They stayed like that for a while, until Jhoanna felt Aiah shifted and looked up to her direction.

“Alam mo, I think I came up with an answer from that pick-up line of yours.” Aiah suddenly says, her eyes twinkling in anticipation and excitement.

“Ayan na naman siya,” Jhoanna chuckles and shook her head, pero wala parin naman siyang choice kung hindi pakinggan kung ano ang sasabihin ni Aiah. “Go ahead nga, let me hear it.”

Aiah smirked and slipped off from Jhoanna’s body, “Did you know? Parehas tayong fries.”

Jhoanna crossed her arms and leaned into the table, “Bakit?”

“Kasi…” she presented her biggest smile, “Fries tayo ng nararamdaman.” She proudly said.

Jhoanna didn’t get it at first, hindi niya pinahalata na hindi niya gets nung una. But when it registered to her mind, agad niyang napailing at ngumiti.

Hindi ‘yun corny. Hindi corny si Aiah. Nakakakilig siya.

She snorted with laughter, and Aiah, seeing her reaction, raised her brow.

“I knew it! I knew it was funny even before I had it in my mind.” She also laughed.

“Hindi naman. But I must admit, I didn’t know you had that in you. Magaling ka rin palang bumanat.”

“Weh?” Pagdududa ni Aiah sa kaniya, “Tumawa ka nga eh. Ibig sabihin lang n’on na I was a bad pick-up liner.”

“Uy hindi ah!” sagot agad ni Jhoanna. “Kini…kinilig nga ako eh.” Nahahihiyang sambit niya. After that, she cleared her throat and shifted from her position.

“At saka, ako ata dapat ‘yung mag “weh” diyan, miss ma’am? Baka kasi binobola mo lang ako diyan ha. Isusumbong talaga kita kay mama kapag gan’on.”

Aiah’s brow furrowed but her face remained in smiling.

“What made you think na binobola kita for my banat?” she asked, her voice almost in a challenging tone.

“Aba, malay ko? That was just my assumption, you know.”

“Well, sorry to break it to you but you’re bad at assuming things. Kasi even though that was a banat, it was a hundred percent true—and I know you already knew it. Pa-humble ka lang kasi.” Aiah replied directly and smirked, “Ikaw ha, gustong- gusto mo lang atang marinig na sabihin ko na gusto talaga kita eh.” She teased, leaning it to give Jhoanna a gentle nudge.

“B-Baliw! Hindi ah!” Jhoanna quickly answered, aligaga na naman dahil tinitignan siya ni Aiah nang mapang asar.

“Sus! Why are you having doubts anyway? Do you think I wanted to be kissed by you or do I want to do it again if I didn’t like you rin? Sabihiin mo nga. Am I not making myself clear enough to you, Robles?”

Jhoanna could feel her cheeks burning up upon hearing Aiah’s words. “Do you think I wanted to be kissed by you...” okay, that was tolerable, but when she said na parang gusto niya pang mangyari ulit was making her nervous yet flustered all of a sudden.

Like… What did she even mean when she said that?

Parang gumugusto na, eh wala pa naman silang label.

But Jhoanna would be lying when she says na hindi niya rin ulit gustong mangyari ‘yun.

She clicked her tongue, “Oo na nga! Ito naman, binibiro ka lang kasi eh, ang dami mo na agad sinasabi diyan.” She tuned into her table and grabs her bag. “Larga na nga lang tayo. Gabi na oh, hindi na naman natin namalayan.”

Agad na tumingin si Aiah sa labas para tignan kung gabi na nga at medyo nagulat siya nang makita niyang madilim na nga sa labas.

“Wait for me! And is it okay if I can’t finish the food? Masyado na kasi palang matigas.” Aiah asked politely and chuckled awkwardly. Well, she wanted to waste no food especially that it came from Jhoanna but it wasn’t edible na rin talaga.

Jhoanna nodded, “Understandable naman, Aiah. Halika ka nalang, mag ayos ka na. Uuwi na tayo.”

Aiah smiled. Nag ayos na rin siya agad para makauwi. Jhoanna cleaned for a minute and checked the outlets first before turning off the lights. Nang nasiguradong maayos na ang lahat ay naglakad na sila ni Aiah papuntang parking lot.

It had been a week of Jhoanna’s courting phase. Naging parte narin ng araw niya ang paghahatid sundo kay Aiah. At first, Aiah insisted not to, but when she saw Jhoanna on her front door before she goes to school, wala na rin siyang ibang nagawa kung hindi sumakay nalang. There was also a time when she intentionally prepared earlier para lang hindi siya maabutan ni Jhoanna. But she completely forgot that Jhoanna was smart. Too smart that she already knows Aiah’s next move before she can even execute it herself.

“Kala mo ha.” Jhoanna could only say when she caught her.

Si Jhoanna naman, wala minsan schedule sa umaga. Gustong-gusto niya ang mga araw na wala siyang 7am class dahil nakakatulog siya nang matagal. But since Aiah had a schedule every early morning, napapaaga rin ang pagpunta niya sa school. It was okay for her, may office naman siyang pinagpapahingaan when she needs to sleep. Okay lang naman sa kaniya na huwag munang ilaan sa pagtulog ang mga free time niya sa umaga. Besides, being an engineering student thought her how to adjust her time on everything, even ‘yung body clock niya. Sanay na rin naman siya sa pagpupuyat kaya madali nalang para sa kaniya ang paggising nang maaga para ihatid si Aiah sa school.

Kasama naman niya si Aiah kaya ayos lang ‘yun sa kaniya.

When they reached the parking lot, agad binuksan ni Jhoanna ang pinto sa passenger seat para makapasok si Aiah. After that, Jhoanna made her way to open the compartment first before getting in to the driver’s seat.

“P-Para sa’yo.” Medyo nanginginig ang boses at kamay na pagbigay niya kay Aiah ng bulaklak na binila niya kanina.

Aiah turned to her, her eyes widening slightly in surprise as she buckled her seatbelt. She took the bouquet, her fingers brushing against Jhoanna's as she accepted the flowers.

“Huy, you don’t have to!” she prolonged the word “too” and smiled sheepishly. “Bakit mo ako binibigyan? What’s the occasion?” tuloy-tuloy niyang tanong, trying to mask the excitement she’s feeling upon seeing the Jhoanna’s little surprise.

Aiah didn’t intend to ruin the moment nor kill the mood. Ewan, coping mechanism niya na rin siguro ang pagtanong ng kung anu-ano para itago ang tuwa niya. She was just shocked and maybe a little bit giddy. She had accepted flowers from someone, hindi lang sa kaniyang manliligaw kung hind isa ibang nagkakagusto rin sa kaniya who didn’t have the guts to tell their feelings in person.

Pero ito, itong moment na si Jhoanna na ngayon ang nagbibigay—‘yung taong gusto niya—ay wala siyang ibang maramdaman kung hindi masasayang emosyon. Kilig, tuwa, pagkamangha—it all came together in just one moment. Seeing the gift, even though it wasn’t her favorite flower, was still making her heart flutter because it was simply from her. From Jhoanna.

Hell, even a simple santan or gumamela that have been picked from the side or corner of the street will make her happy basta si Jhoanna ang nagbigay.

“Hindi ko alam eh. Birthday mo siguro. Pwede bang maging birthday mo nalang once a week or maybe twice a month para hindi mapuno ‘yung apartment mo ng mga bulaklak kung sakali?”

Aiah blushed; she can’t help but to smile at the subtle yet one-of-a-kind gesture Jhoanna was making. Ang practical din kung tutuusin. Hindi niya binanggit na araw- araw siya nitong bibigyan ng bulaklak. Kasi ano nga naman ang gagawin niya sa maraming flowers kung sakaling bibigyan siya araw araw? Sayang lang ang pera, nakaka take up pa ng space.

Good to know that she’s not the typical person who showered you with flowery words and empty promises. Chill lang din si Aiah sa kaniya. She didn’t feel any pressure at all.

“Kahit ikaw magdecide kung kailan ako magcelebrate ng birthday ko, Jho, ayos lang.” Aiah whispered, her voice filled with a warmth that made Jhoanna's heart skip a beat.

“Thank you for this. I really appreciate it, Jho.”

Jhoanna scratched the back of her neck, suddenly she was feeling shy. “B-Buti naman nagustuhan mo.”

“Who wouldn’t be? Ang ganda kaya nito.” Aiah took out her phone and take a picture of it. Nakangiti lang din si Jhoanna habang tinitignan siyang i-anggulo ang camera.

“Scoot over a little, let’s take a picture together.”

Jhoanna nodded and they smiled at the camera.

First shot, they both smiled perfectly, looking so happy like they won the lottery. Second shot, they pose a goofy face. Aiah flexed out the flower and blew out a kiss while Jhoanna stuck her tongue out and made a peace sign.

Third shot, Jhoanna wasn’t expecting that much, she just knew that it was an ordinary shot. Not until Aiah placed the bouquet on her lap and leaned over to Jhoanna. She held Jhoanna’s chin and kissed her cheek, and before she knew it, she heard the camera clicking and the flash was suddenly making her eyes blink.

Golden. It wasn’t just a color now for Jhoanna. Every moment with Aiah felt golden. A treasure, not too rare, but the value couldn’t compare to any amount. It was priceless… and comforting at the same time.

“Let’s go.” Mababang saad ni Aiah habang nakangiti parin.

Na para bang wala lang sa kaniya ang ginawa niyang pagnakaw ng halik sa pisngi ni Jhoanna kahit halos himatayin na sa kilig ‘yung isa.

Nevertheless, Jhoanna just gladly buckled up her seatbelt and drove.

It was quiet driving way back home. But not the type that it made them both uncomfortable. The silence was loud, and only the hum of the engine was the only noise inside, punctuated by the city lights outside. The streets were busy, in contrast to what was happening inside the car.

“Jho,” Aiah suddenly whispered, her voice almost inaudible.

“Hmm?” Jhoanna only hummed, her eyes swiftly drifting from the road and to Aiah simultaneously.

Aiah—she didn’t know if it was a perfect time to tell Jhoanna the news. It’s not even that important either. It’s just a situation that she needed to break it out of her chest.

Aiah bit her lip and Jhoanna noticed it. Nag iba ang mood ni Aiah, she could sense it. She was just waiting for her to tell her about what was going on with her mind. But unconsciously, it made her nervous.

May kapalit ba ang kasiyahan ko kanina, Lord? She can’t help but to wander.

“Are you not curious whom I just met with kanina?”

Thinking about it, yes, she’s curious but she chose not to talk or to ask. Hinihintay niya nga lang kanina na magsabi si Aiah ng pangalan. Pero pinagsawalang bahala na lamang iyon ni Jhoanna dahil hindi naman niya dapat pakielaman ang mga ganap sa buhay ni Aiah. It’s her business, and she won’t mind. Pero nakakapagtaka lang na tinatanong niya ngayon kung hindi siya curious kung saan siya nagtungo at kung sino ‘yung kasama niya.

Ngayon, kinakabahan na naman siya. But there’s this tiny possibility in her gut that she might’ve known who this person Aiah was talking about.

“Hmm, matagal ka ngang nawala. But it’s not that I’m not curious nor wala akong pake sa whereabouts mo. I’m just respecting your privacy. Hinihintay ko lang na ikaw mismo ang magsabi.”

Sana mali ako, sana tama rin at the same time. Pero sana hindi bad news.

Aiah nodded and turned her attention to outside. Naging interesado siya bigla panoorin ang mga sasakyang lumalagpas sa kanila.

“I met with Gelo earlier.”

Jhoanna expected it, but somehow, for some reason, her stomach suddenly churns.

“The night when I got home from your apartment last week, he was waiting for me.” Aiah started, and Jhoanna was just listening as she drove.

Ah last week? ‘Iyon din ‘yung time na niligawan na kita.

“He was… he was asking for us to have a chance. To begin again, for this time, he promised that he would do it right. That he’ll never let me go.”

Ah gan’on ba? Jhoanna clenched her jaw. Begin again? Naging kayo ba?

“I didn’t have an answer for him that time, let alone that I was still surprised by the thought na you already asked for my hand to court me too.”

Jhoanna, without any reason, suddenly gripped the wheel tightly. She doesn’t expect where could their conversation be going. Although, she has prepared herself for any possibilities. Pero kahit ilang pagkumbinsi at pagtanggap niya sa kaniyang sarili kung ano ang kahihinatnan nito ay hindi niya parin maiwasang mangamba. But at the same time, she was curious too. Kaya naguguluhan siya ngayon kung gusto niya ba itong marinig o sabihan niya muna si Aiah na huwag nang ituloy.

Aiah exhaled sharply before she faced Jhoanna. When the latter turned to look at her for a second, she saw Aiah’s warm and implacable smile. Seeing that somehow made her feel relieved. Hindi kasi iyon ngiti na parang nag-guilty, o kahit anong negatibong sulyap ay wala rin.

“I told him to stop.” She started, her voice was low yet was enough for Jhoanna to hear. “Because no matter what I do, I just can’t bring myself to feel the same way he felt for me. Hanggang kaibigan lang talaga ang pwede kong maibigay sa kanya, Jho.”

Hininto na rin ni Jhoanna ang sasakyan. Because thank God, they aleady arrived at Aiah's place safe. Hindi na siya kakabahang magdrive dahil nanghihina na siya.

Jhoanna swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. That escalated too quickly, but somehow, again, it still made her feel… a bit guilty.

Kasi kung siya man ang nasa posisyon ngayon ni Gelo, tiyak siguro na hindi siya makakausad kaagad. Because, how can you move on from someone whom you love for almost half of your life? Na mula pagkabata siya na ang gusto mong makasama habang buhay.

Did Jhoanna win? Well, maybe. But is she even happy to hear the news?

In all honesty, no. Because at some point, talagang nag-guilty siya sa nangyari.

But before she could even drown herself from her own thoughts, she felt Aiah gently held her hand. Her touch was light and soft, almost featherlike. Iyon ang naging dahilan para ituon niya ang tingin kay Aiah.

“What exactly did you say to him?” she asked.

“That I already like someone who’s not him.”

Napapikit si Jhoanna sa narinig niya.

“A-And what is his take about it? D-Did he take it well?” she asked, a bit worried.

Aiah hummed, “At first, he wasn’t in favor of it. Although gets ko naman. But he really doesn’t have a choice but to accept it. And… I don’t know.” She shrugged, remembering their last encounter. “He said na he wishes me the best. But I don’t think he could give up that easily.”

She remembered how his shoulder slumped. How his eyes watered by hearing her say that she’s already fancying someone. Doon niya lang nakita si Gelo na nanghina at mukhang nawalan ng pag asa.

Jhoanna sighed and nodded in understanding. Of course, hindi talaga madaling tanggapin iyon.

“I understand him,” Jhoanna whispered. “One’s feelings don’t change overnight, Aiah.”

Aiah stared at her for a while, she was like searching for something in Jhoanna’s face. Pinagmasdan niya itong mabuti, trying to comprehend what Jhoanna was thinking through that beautiful face.

“Aren’t you happy at least? I turned him down, meaning that my attention will solely focus on you.” Aiah asked, still staring at the younger’s face.

Jhoanna blew out a sigh and shrugged, “I-I don’t know. Should I be happy?” she asked her back.

Aiah hummed and gently caressed Jhoanna’s hand before intertwining it together. “Most likely, other suitors would be happy to hear that. Syempre, less competition.”

“So, I should be happy nga?”

Aiah shrugged, her attention only focused on their hands intertwining. “Maybe you should.”

“I don’t know. For some reason, I felt… guilty.” Then she sighed, “Nauna siya, Aiah. He had been your companion since you were a child. He’s been with you through it all—mapa sa araw man na masaya ka o hindi. While me? You just met me two years ago. Kumpara sa pinagsamahan niyong dalawa, hindi pa ako nakakalahati roon.”

“Does that even matter?” Aiah asked, now facing Jhoanna with a twinkling eye. “The time—how we long know each other, does that even matter?” she shifted from her seat, swiftly removing her hand from Jhoanna’s touch.

The latter felt the sudden absence of Aiah’s hand. Ayaw niya sanang tanggalin iyon ngunit siya naman ang mismong kumalas.

“Tell me, Jhoanna, matitimbangan ba ng tagal ng pinagsamahan namin ang connection na nararamdaman ko sa’yo? Do you even think that I intentionally fall for you knowing that there was someone else waiting for me all this time?”

Silence. It was a silence that Jhoanna could only answer.

“I didn’t want to turn him down too, Jho. Naging importante rin siya sa akin kahit papano. But what can I do? He’s simply not… you—hindi siya ang gusto ko. And believe me, I tried. I tried to open my heart for him pero wala paring nangyari. Every time I’m with him, I’m always wondering where you could be and what exactly you are doing. Ikaw lang ang palagi kong naiisip whenever I’m with someone, Jhoanna." She paused for a moment, looking straight to Jhoanna’s eyes.

Aiah held her face. It was the same, gentle touch that soothes her soul. She held Jhoanna like a fragile glass, not knowing that Jhoanna was a mess inside. Sa sobrang tindi ba naman ng pinaparamdam ni Aiah ngayon, talagang parang sasabog na ang kaloob looban ni Jhoanna. 

"Sa lahat din ng daan na tinatahak ko, at the end of the day, sa’yo parin ang gusto kong tungo nito.”

It felt heartwarming. Hearing those words without actually begging for it to be said upon. Natural lang itong lumabas sa mga bibig mismo ni Aiah na para bang buo na talaga ang desisyon niya. Alam na alam niya at she fully acknowledges her feelings for the younger. 

What makes it more beautiful was the fact that Aiah didn't even stutter when she said those words. It was crystal clear. Sa tunog din ay malalaman mong walang halong kapekean ang mga sinambit niyang salita. 

Jhoanna closed her eyes and clasped Aiah's hand, guiding it to her right cheek. Nang buksan niya ulit ang mata niya'y nakatingin parin si Aiah sa kaniya.

"Okay lang naman sigurong ma-guilty kahit papano hindi ba?" she started, her eyes never leaving Aiah. "I felt guilty, but that doesn't mean na hindi ako masaya, Aiah."

She brought Aiah's hand to her lips and then kissed it. A soft, lingering press that spoke volumes more than any words could ever express. It wasn't a fleeting peck; it was a deliberate, heartfelt gesture, filled with unspoken affection and a depth of feeling that resonated deep within her soul.

"Kasi kahit naman hindi ka niya tigilan, ako naman ang gagawa ng paraan para piliin mo ako. I did not wait for two years just for nothing, Aiah. Ngayong binigyan mo ako ng pagkakataon, hinding hindi ko 'yun sasayangin."

--------

What are the probabilities of Jhoanna getting into so much trouble for a day?

A dice has six sides, each face of a standard six-sided die has a 1/6 or approximately 16.67% chance of being rolled. Say that three face of the dice says “bad luck” and the other three says “good luck”, and if she could use a die to roll her fate today, siguro sa anim na side nung dice na ‘yun ay puro bad luck ang tumatapat sa kaniya.

Paano ba naman kasi? Napuyat siya kagabi kaka-review, hindi niya namalayan ang oras at alas kwatro na siya nakatulog, 7 am pa ang start ng quiz niya. Nag set naman siya ng alarm, but that was useless because it was already too late when she found out na naka silent pala ‘yung phone niya. When she woke up, it was already 9, with a ton of missed calls from Stacey and messages saying that she missed the quiz and she could no longer take it because of school policies.

Wala siyang mapresentang medical certificate para mapatunayang may health related issues siya para makapag quiz siya ulit. She knows it. Resulta lang iyon ng kapabayaan niya kaya hindi siya nakapag take at hindi pa siya naka-attend sa isa pa niyang klase after that.

Bukod pa roon ay flat pa ang gulong ng kotse niya kaya hindi rin agad siya nakapasok sa school. Ni hindi na nga rin siya naligo para maabutan ‘yung third class niya pero hindi rin pala siya makakapasok nang mabilis dahil doon.

Jhoanna exhales sharply and clenched her hand. Gusto niyang magmura in that moment and guluhin ang buhok niya sa sobrang frustration.

Hindi nakapag quiz, hindi nakaligo, absent na rin sa lahat ng subject niya s aumaga, flat pa ang gulong ng sasakyan niya, tapos naalala pa niyang hindi pa niya naihatid si Aiah ngayong umaga.

Aiah:

<Good morning, Jho. I’m done preparing, papunta ka na ba?>

<Jho, I’m already outside. Where are you?>

<Jhoanna.>

<Gosh, don’t tell me you’re still sleeping? HAHAHA>

<Nagpuyat ka kagabi ‘no? You lost track of time again? Sabi ko naman sa’yo don’t forget to rest. Iyan tuloy, tulog ka pa hanggang ngayon. Hay nako ka.>

<I think I’m gonna be late. Una na ako ha, baka maabutan din ako ng traffic.>

<Mag ingat ka mamaya! I’ll see you at school.>

<You’re in big trouble, woman. :D>

“Kainis!” Hindi na napigilang sabihin ni Jhoanna nang mabasa niya ang mga chat ni Aiah sa kaniya.

Hindi na rin muna siya nagreply kasi agad na siyang tumakbo palabas para pumara ng sasakyan. Luckily, may nakita siya kaagad kaya dere-deretso na siyang pumasok sa school. Iyon nga lang, hindi na talaga niya maaabutan ‘yung last class niya ngayong umaga.

Honestly, Jhoanna didn’t mind being absent and not been able to take the quiz. (sana all). Isang beses lang naman, tiyak na makakahabol parin siya kung sakali. She just hoped na hindi ‘yun nalaman ni Aiah dahil mahihiya lang siya. But seeing her last message, she won’t be shocked if she already knows.

Thankfully, she arrived at school in one place. Wala nang dumagdag na kahit anong inconvenience. Ngayon ay tinatahak na niya ang daan papuntang office nang sabog, pinagpapawisan, at pagod kahit kakasimula pa lang ng araw niya. Adding to the information na puyat siya, wala pa siyang kain at ni isang basong inom ng tubig ay hindi niya pa nagagawa.

So, imagine the amount of energy Jhoanna wasted going to school from her place without an ounce of water and food consumed by her body. She felt like she could faint anytime the moment she arrived at their office. The cold blow of the air-conditioner gently welcomed her skin, giving her a relaxed feeling after what felt like a long day.

She dragged herself onto her desk, never minding the stares she was receiving from the other members of the room.

“Wow, Robles!” Mikha started, seemingly intrigued but concerned at the same time. “Good morning! Pero you look like you’re tired already.”

Jhoanna huffed, almost gasping for air. “Pagod na talaga ako, Mikhs.”

“Damn,” Mikha arched her eyebrow, “Medyo dark din ang baba ng eyes mo oh. Puyat?”

Jhoanna nodded and hummed as a response, aside from that, wala na rin siyang sinabi’t nagpahinga na lang sa upuan.

“I didn’t see Staku with you. Nasaan siya?”

“I was absent. Late na ako ng more than 1 hour kaya hindi na ako pumasok. Our class will end at 1 pa.”

Mikha nodded and then tapped Jhoanna’s shoulder which caused the latter to look at her. “I’ll grab some lunch, sabay ka?”

Jhoanna shifted from her position, suddenly curious why the room was a bit quiet. “Nasaan sila? Sina pres?”

“I was told na they won’t come here today. They mentioned something about lab activity or some stuff.” Mikha shrugged nonchalantly before asking Jhoanna again. “So… lunch? Are you coming or not?”

Jhoanna shakes her head. She was a bit hungry and needed to buy something to drink but was too tired to walk again. Her knees were still weak walking from their school gate to the SC office. Gusto niya lang muna magpahinga.

“I think I’ll pass muna. Mamaya na lang ako pupunta, Mikhs.”

“Okay. Hit me up when you need something nalang.”

Jhoanna nodded before she watched Mikha exiting the room. She dramatically sighed when she felt her head throbbing. Must be from my lack of sleep, she thought while massaging her temples, silently hoping that it would ease the headache for just a little.

She was ready to take a nap when she heard her phone ding. Her lips curved into a smile when she saw Aiah's name on the screen. 

Aiah:

<I heard someone missed her quiz and classes this morning.>

<What happened, Jhoanna?>

 

Jhoanna pouted and typed her reply. She doesn't need to ask whom she gets her source from. 

Jhoanna:

<Bawi next quiz nalang :'))>

Aiah:

<Tigas kasi ng ulo. I told you many times that you need to rest too.>

<Ayaw kasi makinig sa'kin>

 

Jhoanna:

<Sorry po. I'll take your words next time.>

<Huwag na magalit po.>

Aiah arched her brow before she fixed her face mask. She's currently at the laboratory for their lab. Wala 'yung teacher kaya naipupuslit niyang gumamit ng phone. She typed her reply, pressing her lips together behind the mask.

Aiah:

<I'm not mad. I just want you to take care of yourself always. Tignan mo ang nakuha mo sa pagpupuyat.>

Aiah waited as the three dots popped out of their chat box, indicating Jhoanna's currently typing for a response.

Jhoanna:

<Wala. HAHAHA. My first 0 sa quiz.>

The older one clicked her tongue. Her brows slightly furrowed as she aggressively typed through her phone. Feeling a bit irritated that Jhoanna has the guts to be sarcastic after missing a quiz and being absent for two classes at the same time.

"Ay, may galit ata somewhere." Said Maloi as she saw Aiah's brow furrowing and slightly aggressive while typing on her phone.

"Beats me. Feeling ko may kaaway 'yan na mas bata sa kanya." Paggatong din ni Colet sa sinabi ni Maloi.

They both chuckled as they saw Aiah giving them a side-eye. She was aware that they were talking about her pero hindi niya muna iyon inuna dahil busy nga siya pangaralan ang kausap niyang parang bata.

Aiah:

<Now's not the good time to make a joke. Hindi ko issue rito 'yung pag absent mo and hindi mo pag take ng quiz, Jhoanna.>

<I was worrying about your health. Alam ko na naman na your program does require exerting more effort to pass pero that doesn't mean na kailangan mong magpuyat palagi para gumawa ng school works and such.>

<Take care of yourself too.>

She puts her phone down for a bit but her eyes were never leaving the screen. While cracking her fingers, she waited. The three dots simultaneously appear and disappear at the same.

But before she could grasp her phone again, Jhoanna’s reply came up.

Jhoanna:

<Tapos ka na bang pagalitan ako, miss ma’am?>

<I’ll take your words na next time. Sorry na po.

Aiah rolled her eyes before getting her phone to reply.

Aiah:

<Stop calling me ma’am, Jho.>

Then she puts it down again. Eyes never leaving it, as usual. After that, she waits. Tumingin din siya sa pintuan para tignan kung nandiyan na ‘yung prof nila.

“Nagugutom na ako. Pwede kayang kumain muna habang naghihintay ng result?” asked Maloi while rubbing her tummy. “As in, gutom na gutom na ako. Baka makain ko pa ‘yung daga rito.”

Aiah sighed, feeling her stomach grumbling. Gutom na rin siya pero bilin ng prof nil ana bantayan muna ‘yung ginagawa nila bago umalis para mai-record agad ‘yung result.

“Hindi nga pwedeng lumabas, Loi.” Mahina at maikli niyang sambit. “I mean, I’m hungry too but we can’t risk it muna. We can enjoy to eat later.”

“Hindi na ako natutuwa ah. Malay mo baka siya rin kumakain na ta’s tayo nandito lang?”

“That doesn’t mean na kailangan na natin siyang gayahin. Medyo unfair but we can’t do anything naman para dun.”

“Kainis! Kung ba’t naman kasi tumapat sa tanghali ang lab na ‘to.” Inis na sambit ni Maloi sabay takip ng mukha.

Aiah just shrugged and rest ger head on the table. Ginawa niyang unan ang braso niya tsaka pinagmasdan ang phone niya.

When she heard the message’s ringtone, she quickly shifted from her position. Agad niya itong binuksan pero bigla siyang nagulat. Wala man lang kasi siyang warning na natanggap bago niya basahin iyon.

Jhoanna:

<Noted, lovey.>

She could feel her cheeks burning from reading her message. Thank all the Gods that it was their lab session for now. May magandang dulot din pala ang subject na ‘to dahil mandatory silang naka face mask.

Edi hindi rin kita ng iba ngayon na namumula na naman ang pisngi niya.

Pero imbes na magreply ay binababa niya muna ang phone niya sabay ayos sa kaniyang facemask. She was biting her lips so hard, trying to conceal her smile as if the mask she was wearing wasn’t enough to hide her excitement.

“Ay, parang may kinikilig din somewhere. Naka white, naka facemask pero hindi ako. Kilala mo ba, Loi?” tanong ni Colet, halatang may pinapatamaan.

Maloi clicked her tongue, “Nakaputi rin ako at face mask pero hindi rin ako ‘yun. Bukod kasi sa irita eh gutom din ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Sana all nalang sa isa diyan, kinikilig.”

“Oh tignan mo—naka facemask na ‘yan ah. Pero kitang kita sa mata na nakangiti ‘yan.”

“Balita ko siya rin daw ‘yung akala ng lahat straight pero nagkakagusto ngayon sa babae tapos mas bata pa sa kaniya? Who is this naman kaya?” Pabulong na saad ni Maloi ngunit rinig na rinig ni Aiah.

They were obviously making fun of her because they saw the shift in her demeanor. Kung kanina ay parang may inaaway, ngayon naman ay kitang kita sa mata ang tuwa.

“Ay oo! Nabalitaan ko ‘yan. Ganda nilang dalawa te. Panigurado maraming iiyak na boylet niyan.”

“Baka gusto niyong hinaan ‘yan kasi naririnig ko lahat?” Aiah interrupts but the two only look at her with such mischief in their eyes. Halatang nag e-enjoy sa pang aasar sa kaniya.

“May nasapulan tayo, Colet. Tumpak na tumpak ang description natin sa kaniya.”

“Shut up.” Aiah playfully rolled her eyes and then typed her reply.

Aiah:

<HA HA>

Kakasend palang ay may reply na agad si Jhoanna.

Jhoanna:

<Tagal magreply ah.>

<Translation: AHHHHHH KINIKILIG AKO>

Aiah:

<Tumatapang, kala mo naman she can look at me in the eye for more than 5 seconds.>

Jhoanna:

<HAHAHA Charot lang, ito naman.>

<Pero…>

<I miss you po.>

Aiah:

<Ay charot ‘yun? Wala ito, pinaglalaruan lang siguro ako.>

Jhoanna:

<Ay iba ako kapag nagseryoso.>

“Ilang minutes nalang para matapos niyo ‘yung lab?” Miss Sanches suddenly walked into the room which made Aiah put her phone inside the pocket of her lab gown.

“Sabi sa instruction ma’am na 40 minutes bago makuha ‘yung result. Right now, it’s been over 35 minutes kaya mga 5 minutes nalang po’t makukuha na namin ‘yung resulta.” Their classroom president replied.

Their professor nodded and instructed them to record the result before they dismiss. Aiah subtly took her phone out to reply. Tumapat siya sa pwesto ni Maloi, pinipilit niyan makipantay sa kaniya para hindi siya makita ng prof na nagtitipa sa phone.

She grinned as she types her response. Pagkatapos din nun ay agad niya rin itong binulsa para makafocus na sa klase.

Aiah:

<Okay.>

<I miss you too, lovey.>

----------

“Hello!” Jhoanna greets back as someone recognizes her from the school.

She was humming while making her way to the nearest cafeteria to eat lunch. She felt energized unlike before. Ni hindi na nga rin siya natulog kanina pero parang feeling niya okay na, na hindi na siya puyat, at hindi na masyadong mabigat ang katawan niya.

Panglalandi lang pala ni Aiah ang kailangan niya para ganahan siya buong araw kahit puyat siya.

Hindi maitago ni Jhoanna ang ngiti niya habang naglalakad.

It was simply like an experiment. ‘Yung pagtawag niya kanina kay Aiah ng ganoon. Wala, trip niya lang sana since hindi na siya makatulog kahit anong pilit niya sa sarili niya kanina. Pero hindi naman niya in-expect na kakagat naman si Aiah sa simpleng panlalandi niya.

Lovey.

Lovey.

Okay, cute. Bagay lang.

“Ate, isang order nga po ng pork steak ta’s half lang na gulay. Iyon po—yung choseuy.” Masayang sambit ni Jhoanna sa nagseserve ng pagkain.

This day wasn’t so unlucky as she thought it would be. Kanina lang siya nakaranas ng misfortune. Hindi nga niya alam kung misfortune pa bai yon dahil kasalanan naman niya. Pero at least ngayon, okay na. May serve silang pork steak na paborito niya, tapos may pa “Lovey” pa siya mula kay Aiah.

“Salamat po!” she enthusiastically said to the woman before she made her way to the table near the railings of the cafeteria.

Nang makapwesto na siya ay agad na rin siyang kumain. But after taking a bite, a strong smell of perfume invaded her airways making her cover her nose.

“Mao-offend na ba ako kasi nagtakip ka ng ilong right after I came near you?” Suddenly, a familiar voice speaks to her side. She knew who it came from. Halos araw-araw niya rin kasi itong naririnig noon.

Nanlaki ang mata niya. Una, hindi niya ito inaasahan dahil alam niyang hindi naman siya rito kumakain. Pangalawa, ‘yung hiya niya nang ma-realize niyang baka ma-misunderstood nung tao ‘yung pagtakip niya ng ilong kanina. At pangatlo, nagi-guilty na siya ngayon.

“Kuya Gelo!” marahang sambit ni Jhoanna after swallowing the food. “Napatakip lang ako kasi sobrang bango. It’s not the other way around po.”

Gelo chuckled, “I hope you don’t mind me sitting here with you. Can I”

Jhoanna nodded and motion him to seat across her. Ngumiti si Gelo at nagpasalamat. Pagkatapos nun ay umupo na rin siya gaya ng sinabi ni Jhoanna.

She wouldn’t mind, she really is. Kaso nagtatanong na siya sa isip niya kung ano ang kailangan niyang gawin para hindi masyadong awkward ‘yung hangin sa kanilang dalawa,

Gelo sure is friendly and approachable, but Jhoanna and him weren’t close. Even the time when he visited Aiah in the office, hindi rin sila nagkakaroon ng interaction—ni hi ni ho wala. They kept a civil relationship with each ither. Which for Jhoanna is okay since he was her suitor back then. Ayaw niya sanang maging bitter dahil lang doon, pero hindi niya maiwasan. Kaya never din siya nag initiate ng conversation para sa kanilang dalawa.

Awkward. Iyan talaga ang nararamdaman niya ngayon.

Ano? Paano ‘to? Anong magandang scapegoat dito? She repeated like a mantra in her mind.

"You look stiff. Chill ka lang, ako lang 'to." Gelo toned a bit playful but felt serious at the same time. Pagkatapos niyang pagsabihan si Jhoanna ay sumubo ulit siya ng pagkain. "I never knew food at cafeterias are this good. Kaya siguro ayaw nang lumabas ni Aiah minsan kasi masarap naman pala ang luto nila rito." Saad pa niya pagkatapos ngumuya.

Umawang ang labi ni Jhoanna. She wanted to say something, to make the air as lightly as it should. Pero hindi niya alam kung appropriate ba iyon dahil hindi naman sila close. Wala pang time na silang dalawa palang ang nagkasama. Kaya hirap na hirap talaga siyang i-handle ang sitwasyon.

Not to mention the guilt. Ito ulit siya, nagpaparamdam.

"Uh, h-hindi ka kumakain dito sa school, kuya?" Jhoanna asked politely as she could be. Ngumiti rin siya't inayos ang salamin niya. Nanginginig siya ng konti, pero mabuti na't hindi iyon nahahalata.

"No, I prefer to eat somewhere peaceful and intimate." sagot ni Gelo. Jhoanna's mouth slightly formed into "o", a bit amazed. "I value my solitude."

Hindi kasi siya 'yung tipong hilig ay mga ganoon. What she thought about Gelo was that he is an extroverted person whose life revolves around at friends, or kung hindi man friends, sa pamilya. Siguro nga ay tama ang sinasabi nila na mali mali ang mga judgement niya.

"But I might try eating again here since it's one of Aiah's favorite eating places. I'm here to take notes." He looked at Jhoanna which made the latter feel uneasy.

There was something in the way he looked, not the kind of intimidating, but it felt too... heavy. Jhoanna wanted to delve deeply into it but she didn't want to be a creep. Pero kahit sa saglit na pagtitig niya sa kaniya'y tumataas na 'yung mga balahibo niya sa batok. 

 "You know, there was a time when Aiah and I had a conversation about having a family," he began, his words laced with a chilling undercurrent, not even sharing a glance at Jhoanna as he said that. "She said that she plans to get married at 28 and create a family at 30 or 31. I asked why she wanted to have a child at that age because, for me, that was a bit late to start a family. But her answer was that there's never a word 'too late' when you want to start a family."

Jhoanna couldn't speak or even have the appetite to eat again. Nakatingin lamang siya sa pagkain niya na para bang hinihintay niya itong mawala. 

Gelo chuckled and Jhoanna doesn't even have an ounce of idea what this man could be thinking and why he found it amusing. Hindi talaga maintindihan ni Jhoanna kung anong gustong iparating ni Gelo sa mga sinasabi niya.

"It speaks volumes, doesn't it? Aiah's words." Jhoanna looked up, her eyes searching his. "It means that she's thinking about the future. About having a life... a family."

Jhoanna’s fingers tightened around the utensils and her face became paled. Ngayon, alam na niya. Alam na niya kung bakit iyon sinasabi ni Gelo sa kaniya.

Gelo wasn't oblivious. He knew.

It wasn't just a simple statement. Hindi naloloko ng maamo niyang mukha at nakangiti niyang labi si Jhoanna. Ngayon lang nag sink in sa kaniya ang lahat. 

The subtle threat wasn't in the words themselves, but in the implication, in the chilling clarity of what he was saying. 

Aiah’s dream of a family was incompatible with their reality.

Gelo’s lips curled into a thin, almost imperceptible smile. Tumayo siya, habang si Jhoanna ay nakatingin lamang sa pagkain na ngayon ay hindi niya alam kung makakain pa njya.

Nakakainis. Sa harapan pa talaga ng paborito kong ulam.

"Thank you for allowing me to have lunch with you, Robles. Have a good day ahead." Huling saad nito bago siya umalis.

He leaved Jhoanna there, flustered and completely silent. Nawala na 'yung sigla na kanina'y nararamdaman niya. Napilitan lamang ito ng pinaghalong takot at inis. 

Akala niya pa naman wala ng inconveniences or any bad luck na darating sa kaniya ngayon. Turns out, fleeting moment lang talaga 'yung landian nila ni Aiah kanina. Ngayon, parang bumalik lahat ng naramdaman niya kanina mula paggising niya hanggang sa oras na nakapunta na siya rito sa school.

Bumalik 'yung pagod at stress, 'yung gutom napalitan ng inis at galit. 

And for some reason, there was an unknown yet familiar feeling that was gnwaing into her chest. Something that she didn't want to have but exactly had no choice but to absorbed it all-- kasi wala naman siyang choice, hindi naman napipigilan ang nararamdaman niya.

She looked at the half-eaten meal on her plate. Hindi pa siya busog, pero wala na rin 'yung gutom niya. She clenched her jaw when she saw na hindi man lang nilagay ni Gelo sa harap 'yung pinagkainan niya.

"Nakakainis talaga." She mutters before fixing their plates and other paraphernalias. 

Ayaw na ayaw niyang may nag-iiwan ng kalat. Bukod sa hind na ito kaaya-aya, pwede lang din ito makasira.