Gusto kita
“What about us, Jho?” Aiah answered, keeping her voice as steady as possible.
She tried to keep her composure but Jhoanna’s presence felt like a physical weight, pressing down on Aiah even though they weren't touching. Aiah leaned against the cool tile of the sink, her reflection a stranger in the harsh, unflattering light. The cadenced dripping of water from the faucet was the only sound besides the insistent hum, a sharp contrast to the frantic beat of her heart.
Jhoanna hadn't spoken, hadn't moved, for what felt like an eternity. The silence stretched, taut and unbearable, a palpable tension that coiled in the air like a venomous snake. Aiah could feel Jhoanna's gaze on her, a burning intensity that prickled her skin. It wasn't just concern; there was something else, something intense, simmering beneath the surface. There was a subtle hum of emotion in the air, a lead-up to something Aiah couldn't quite put her finger on but knew she wouldn't enjoy.
Aiah scrubbed at her hands, the rough action a desperate attempt to ground herself, to anchor herself to something solid in the face of the rising unease. The memory of Stacey's hand on Jhoanna's arm, the casual intimacy, the easy laughter – it played on a loop in her mind, a sharp, persistent ache. She was still confused because she clearly saw these scenes before but didn’t give a damn. Kaya bakit ngayon ay parang naiirita na siya sa nakikita niya? She really can’t pinpoint what these feelings are but it’s unpleasant. She wished she could scrub away the memory, the feeling of a cold dread creeping into her heart.
Jhoanna finally shifted, a subtle movement that sent a jolt of adrenaline through Aiah.
“Aiah,” Jhoanna’s voice, when it finally broke the silence, was a low murmur, barely audible above the hum of the lights. It was a voice stripped bare of its usual playful lilt, replaced by something raw and vulnerable, something that sent a shiver down Aiah's spine.
“We never really talk about what happened the night at the gym.” she began, her voice trembling slightly. Swallowing the lump in Jhoanna’s throat, she continues, “K-kailangan ko lang malaman kung m-may ibig s-sabihin ‘yun sa’yo.”
The words themselves were simple, almost hesitant, but the underlying intensity was undeniable, a force that threatened to shatter the fragile calm.
“I-I need t-to understand, sobrang naguguluhan na ako, Aiah.”
Aiah remained leaning against the cool tile of the sink, her reflection a stranger in the harsh fluorescent light. She didn’t turn, didn’t meet Jhoanna’s gaze. Water still dripped from her hands, a steady rhythm against the erratic beat of her heart.
"Let’s not talk about this now, Jho" she whispered, her voice barely audible. The words felt like a fragile plea, a desperate attempt to buy herself time.
“Bakit hindi?”
“I don’t know, basta huwag lang ngayon.”
“Kung hindi ngayon, kailan? Aiah please.”
Jhoanna took a step closer, the space between them shrinking. Aiah flinched as if Jhoanna’s touch was a physical blow. She could feel Jhoanna’s eyes on her, burning into her back, and the intensity of that gaze gave her goosebumps.
“Jho, sige na, huwag muna ngayon.” Aiah said it again, her voice a little higher. The phrases served as a protective mechanism, a last-ditch effort to build barriers against the overwhelming feelings that threatened to overtake her. She had no idea how to express her sentiments to Jhoanna, much less comprehend them herself.
“Tell me na hindi lang ako ang naguguluhan ngayon.” She whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “Tell me that I’m not imagining things. Na sa pangyayari noong gabing ‘yun, the stolen glances, at ‘yung outburst mo kanina—sabihin mo sa akin…” Jhoanna breaths in before continuing, her shoulders moving up and down because of the weight of emotions lingering around.
“Sabihin mo sa akin kung may ibig sabihin ‘yung mga iyon, Aiah. Kasi napapadalas na you look at me in the eyes as if you were…”
“As if I’m what?”
“As if you have feelings for me too,” Jhoanna confessed, her voice thick with emotion, a raw, unfiltered honesty that left Aiah breathless.
She knew, with a chilling certainty, that this wasn't just a casual conversation. This was a turning point, a moment that would irrevocably alter the delicate balance between them. The silence that followed was even heavier, more charged, a suffocating pressure building to a breaking point. The rhythmic dripping of water from the faucet seemed to mock the stillness, a relentless reminder of the ticking clock, the inevitable moment of truth fast approaching.
A wave of nausea threatened to overwhelm her. She was trapped, caught in a web of her own confused emotions, the uncertainty a suffocating blanket. She wanted to run, to escape the fierce of Jhoanna's silent scrutiny. Still, her feet felt rooted to the spot, paralyzed by a mixture of fear and a strange, unsettling anticipation. She gasped silently, her breath caught in her throat, encased in a wall of horror and a growing sense of something else entirely, something she couldn't quite decipher on but that spoke to her soul.
Aiah, again, felt a shock of electricity when Jhoanna's hand extended and her fingers delicately touched her arm, touching it like feathers. The gesture was one of vulnerability rather than consolation, revealing the depth of Jhoanna's unsaid emotions with unvarnished honesty. The contact persisted in a silent request for comprehension, a silent query lingering in the air.
“Gustong gusto kita, Aiah.”
There, she said it. Wala talaga sa plano na aamin dapat siya ngayon, the initial plan was just to talk to Aiah to figure out what’s on her mind. But Jhoanna couldn’t stop it any longer. She confessed, and it’s on a fucking restaurant comfort room pa of all places. She’d spent so long building walls, carefully constructing a distance to protect herself, to protect them. And now, with those three simple words, she’d risked it all. Bahala na, she said in her mind, but a wave of regret threatened to overwhelm her.
Long stretches of silence, weighty and dense with unsaid feelings. The only sound coming from the faucet was the steady drip, drip, drip. As the anticipation weighed heavily on Jhoanna's chest, her breath caught. She moved a little, her fingers becoming ever so slightly tighter on Aiah's arm in a nonverbal request for an answer. The silence drew on, becoming nearly intolerable. The lack of response was excruciating, and Jhoanna's worry increased since she had exposed her heart.
When the silence became unbearable, Jhoanna muttered, “Aiah...” Her voice was soft, laced with a mixture of hope and apprehension.
“Dati ko ng alam, Jho.” Aiah replied quickly then she slowly turned her head, her eyes meeting Jhoanna's in the reflection. Her expression was unreadable, a mask of composure that barely concealed the turmoil within.
“I’m not that dense, and you’re not that discreet either kasi halatang halata sa mga galaw mo.”
Aiah was aware? In what way? How long has she known? Why hadn't she spoken out if she was aware? Jhoanna’s mind was whirling with questions, a confusing whirlpool that threatened to destroy the tenuous calm she had just discovered. Still resting lightly on Aiah's arm, her fingers tensed slightly, a subtle manifestation of her conflicted feelings—the confusion a persistent undercurrent, the relief evident. As she opened her mouth to speak, to ask the questions that begged for answers, a harsh rap sounded at the restroom door followed by a voice interrupts her before she could say anything.
"Ay? May tao pa ata. Hello?"
They both look at the door in unison, the insistent knock made Jhoanna pull her hand away. Before either of them could speak, Aiah said quietly, "We'll talk about this later," her voice low and steady, a promise hanging in the air.
Before opening the door, Aiah took a long breath to gather herself and brushed down her clothing. Aiah gave Jhoanna one more lingering glance before opening the door, leaving the unanswered questions between them as a promise of a future discussion.
Aiah and Jhoanna returned to their table, putting up a united front, a fussy crafted façade of normalcy that concealed the emotional turmoil of their bathroom encounter. Their friends' animated conversation returned, the lighthearted bantering going on as though nothing important had happened. However, there was an unsaid tension in the air between Aiah and Jhoanna.
Even while Aiah appeared tranquil, there was a persistent trembling beneath her exterior. She started to respond less hesitantly and laugh more honestly, but as her eyes locked with Jhoanna's, they swiftly averted in a terrified response to the intensity of Jhoanna's steady stare. Jhoanna alone started these lingering looks. It was mostly Aiah who felt the keenness of the sensuous energy that started to seep into the air between them.
Jhoanna, on the other hand, appeared to take pleasure in this unsaid energy, as her body slowly moved in Aiah's direction, her eyes glinting knowingly on Aiah’s eyes before descending to Gelo’s hands resting on Aiah’s shoulder, and then rising to meet Aiah's eyes once again. A more reserved demeanor began to replace her overly cheerful demeanor, but when her eyes met Aiah's, there was a new intensity to her gaze—a silent acknowledgment of the unsaid attraction, a subliminal invitation that hung heavy in the air, charged with a raw, barely disguised desire that only increased Aiah's anxiety. She doubts that this is the Jhoanna na nakilala niya. This version of her became bolder, epekto ba nito ang pag amin niya kanina? Aiah didn’t know but it made her really nervous kaya wala sa sarili niyang tinanggal ang kamay ni Gelo sa balikat niya.
“Swerte naman ni ate Aiah kung maging kayo, kuya Gelo. Tagapagmana, basketball player, at gentleman pa! Bonus nalang ang pagiging pogi mo. Oh saan ka pa, ate Aiah? Sagutin mo na ‘yan, baka maagaw pa ng iba.” Saad ni Stacey pagkatapos magkwento ni Gelo tungkol sa ibang parte ng buhay niya.
Their table erupted from cheer, but most of it was to teas Jhoanna. Alam nila na one and only crush ni Jhoanna si Aiah, at masaklap pa roon ay alam nilang sa straight pa siya nagka-crush. This made Jhoanna sttles into a lopsided smile and awkward laugh but deep down, she wants to roll her eyes and choke her friends. Kung makaasar parang hindi mga kaibigan eh.
Gelo chuckles, “No ah, ako ‘yung swerte sa kanya.” He said, turning his gaze to Aiah with a touch of affection and intimacy.
True, ang swerte mo sa kanya kung sakali, Jhoanna sounds bitter in her mind. She reached for her cup to drink the water along with the lump that formed in her throat. Kakaamin niya lang kanina ng feelings niya kay Aiah pero sinusubok na agad puso niya. Hindi man lang nakapaghintay hanggang bukas ‘yung tadhana, ngayon talaga pinamukha na mahirap ‘yung daang tinatahak niya. She averted her gaze to her phone after she drinks to avoid looking at the view in front of her. Ayaw niyang makita na tinititigan ni Gelo si Aiah dahil ganoon din tumingin si Jhoanna sa kanya. It dawns to her that this man is really smitten with the same woman that she likes. It made her question the intensity of her feelings for Aiah, because clearly, Gelo likes Aiah more than she does. Childhood friends sila at nagkaroon ng feelings ang isa, ano ang laban niya sa ganun?
She bit her lip and tapped something on her phone, the cheerful teasing still lingers in the background.
"Naks naman!"
"Kaya manok ko 'to eh."
"Pero imposibleng walang nanliligaw na iba kay ate Aiah? Ano namang masasabi mo sa mga ibang tao na nakikipagkompetensya sa'yo Gelo?" tanong ni Maloi na ikinataas ng kilay ni Jhoanna.
Ano 'to, impromptu na interview?
Maloi was amused when she saw the subtle reaction that Jhoanna created so she pushed harder. "Malay mo, nandiyan lang pala sa gilid gilid 'yung kalaban mo, mahirap na."
Gelo laughs, "Well I don't mind having a rival to win her heart. Nasanay na ako na maraming nagkakagusto sa kaniya. I mean, what's not to like about her, 'di ba? She's breathtakingly beautiful, and her kindness shines brighter than any outward beauty." He turns and looks at Aiah again, smiling genuinely, "Being with her doesn't just make me feel complete; it makes me feel like I'm finally home."
Aiah was touched by Gelo’s words, his genuine affection palpable. His words resonated with a sincerity that warmed her, a comfortable familiarity that eased the agitation simmering beneath the surface of their bonding. Yet, as she turned her gaze to Jhoanna, a strange chill replaced the warmth.
"Sobrang genuine, ate Aiah oh. Kailan mo nga sasagutin?"
"Tsk, ba't niyo ba kasi pinepressure 'yung tao, halatang hindi na komportable oh." This time, it was Jhoanna who answered the query. "Kayo talaga, kapag usapang ganyan g na g kayo."
"Eh ano bang pake mo? Nagtatanong lang naman kami bading ka."
"Whether tanong man 'yan o hindi--it doesn't change the fact na hindi komportable yung tao kaya itigil niyo na 'yan." There was a tinge of irritation in her voice which made the others look at her with amusement, but not with Aiah though.
Wala ito, hindi na nakayanan ang selos kaya sumasabat na.
"Dalian niyo na nga lang diyan nang makaalis na tayo, gusto ko na 'rin matulog." Jhoanna continues and hurriedly arrange her things.
"To be clear, I'm not pressuring Aiah para sagutin niya ako. I can wait until she's ready and I know it will be worth it." Says Gelo confidently.
"Eh paano kapag hindi ikaw ang nagustuhan?" Tanong bigla ni Colet which made Gelo's smile disappeared. Marahan namang tinapik ni Maloi ang kamay niya, sinyales na pumirmi at manahimik.
"Well--"
"I'm not really entertaining someone else besides him so I don't think it will be a problem for now," Aiah answered shyly, her gaze subtly landing on Jhoanna for a moment before she continued, "And come on, guys, there's a right time for that. Makakahintay ang pag ibig kaya hindi dapat 'yan minamadali."
They parted ways that night with unresolved issues, and the worst... Jhoanna and Aiah never really got to talk about what happened.
The reason? Well, let’s just say the other’s trying to avoid the other one discreetly.
It’s been a week since Aiah started to avoid Jhoanna at any possible places they could’ve meet. Let it be at school, at friends gathering, and even not responding to Jhoanna’s messages. Kahit sa SC office ay iniiwasan niya parin ito kahit magkatabi lang sila. Sometimes she would even take home some works so that they can’t see each other. Aiah knows it was a childish move, to avoid someone who has feelings for her, and her becoming confused about her own feelings too. Pati sarili niyang problema ay iniiwasan niya by doing more work, whether it’s academic related or student council stuff.
She wasn’t ready that was for sure. So, avoiding it would be the best possible solution for that, as if there was another choice for her. Nakatatak na sa isip niya after the little incident at the ramen shop na huwag nalang munang pansinin si Jhoanna kasi naguguluhan pa siya. She couldn’t risk facing her with a doubt in her mind. Hindi pa siya sure at hindi pa siya ready.
But Jhoanna isn’t helping either. There were times when she would randomly show up at their building to give Aiah some student council works na bigay daw ng Deans from different colleges. It is partly true, but there’s a simple letter that stuck between the papers sometimes.
“Good day, Aiah. Kamusta ka? I’m sorry if I’m trying to reach you through this letter. Hindi ka kasi nagrereply sa mga chats ko and we’re not really talking about other things in person besides student council works. I might be overthinking things but are you avoiding me?”
The content of the letter made Aiah feel a pang of guilt. Not that Aiah didn’t see it coming, she knew that Jhoanna will soon take a hint on what she’s doing. Aiah already felt guilty by her plan on avoiding her pero mas doble pala yung guilt kapag nalaman na mismo nung tao na iniiwasan niya siya. Now she’s having second thoughts about her decision.
Tama pa ba ang ginagawa ko? Should I stop and talk to her now?
But the only thing that Aiah did was to shrug her head to set aside the thought. No, it’s not the right time yet, she believes.
Sorry Jhoanna, I promise to get back to you once I sort things out.
Aiah would always hang out with Gelo if she had the time. Si Gelo ang palagi niyang kasama sa school mapa lunch break man or uwian, madalas din ay hinahatid na rin siya nito sa school. Something that Jhoanna frequently do.
“You seem bothered these days, okay ka lang ba?” Colet asked her with a concern evidently at her face.
Aiah didn’t notice that she’d been looking at her laptop absentmindedly while Colet was discussing something. Nasa library sila ngayon para asikasuhin ang thesis nila. Usually it was three of them, but Maloi excused herself this time saying that she had some emergency going on.
“Kanina ko pa sinasabi na nakuha ko na ang authentication ng plant na kailangan natin and the certificate of speciation. What’s on your mind at hindi ka ata nakikinig? Is something wrong?”
Aiah sighed and focused herself on the documents na nasa harapan niya. “I’m okay, Col. Siguro pagod lang.”
“Pagod saan?”
“Some things that are complicated.”
“Kasing complicated ba niyan ang study na kina-conduct natin? Kung oo, I’m all ears and try to understand. Kung hindi naman, either way, I still listen.” Colet already closed her laptop and turned her full attention to Aiah who was bothered.
Nanlaki ang mata ni Aiah nang makita sa mukha ni Colet ang eagerness nito na making. Aiah chuckles and shook her head. Hindi nito alam kung concern lang ba si Colet sa problema niya or umaarangkada lang ang pagkachismosa nito. Minsan kasi ay saka lang din nagrereply sa group chat ang taong ‘to kapag chismis ang pinag uusapan.
“Go on, hindi tayo makaka proceed sa next step sa thesis natin if bothered ka sa ibang bagay.”
Aiah takes a deep breath and faces Colet who’s already invested.
“I really wanted to ask this question, s-sa’yo and to the others na kasama natin sa SC.” Pagsisimula niya.
“What is it? Come on, Aiah, straight to the point.”
“Did you know that Jhoanna likes me?”
Colet was a little surprised at first, Aiah, on the other hand, felt her cheeks heating up so she stuck her gaze into the papers.
“So that explains why you’re not hanging out with us these days.” Colet chuckles, the amusement is evident in her voice.
“So you knew? What about the others?”
“Ikaw nalang ang hindi nakakaalam, Aiah. Ah no, because now you know.”
Aiah pouts, so after all this time they all knew? Bakit sobrang tagal bago naka pick up si Aiah? Is she really that timid not to recognize those subtle gestures of Jhoanna expressing her affection? She really can’t believe it. Buong akala niya talaga ay casual and platonic lang mga iyon.
“Let me get this straight. Nalaman mo—”
“Inamin niya.”
“Inamin niya—whoa wait lang!” Colet stops talking when the realization hits her. Now the usual smirk on her face became smug, making Aiah rolls her eyes. “Umamin na siya sa’yo? ‘yung torpeng batang ‘yun umamin na sa’yo?”
Tumaas ang kilay ni Aiah sa nabanggit ni Colet. “Why are you calling her torpe ba? It’s hard to confess to someone kaya, and yes, she confessed to me nung nasa ramen shop tayo. When the two of us took so long sa comfort room—”
“What the hell? Sa comfort room talaga?!” Colet loses it when she hears Aiah’s revelation.
Napalakas ang boses niya’t tawang tawa na ito, dahilan kung bakit napatingin ang ibang tao sa kanila. Even the librarian in charge heard it and quickly signed them to keep quiet since nasa library sila. When Aiah sees Colet still holding her laugh, she groaned. It might be a bad idea na kinwento niya ito sa kaniya. Colet is super quiet and nonchalant most of the times pero kung tumawa ay parang wala nang bukas.
“C-Can you stop laughing? Oh my God, Col, nasa library tayo. Baka ma banned pa tayo sa ginagawa mo eh.” Aiah whispered while trying to keep Colet stops from laughing.
“Can’t help it. Ang funny lang talaga sa part na out of all places na pwedeng gawin ang confession eh sa Cr pa talaga naisipang gawin ni Jhoanna. Like, what’s with the atmosphere sa cr na ‘yun? Naging romantic ba sa kanya ang inidoro?”
“I swear to God, Col! Stop!” Ngayon ay natatwa na rin si Aiah sa sinabi ni Colet.
But thinking about it, medyo weird nga nung place na ‘yun to tell someone’s feelings but who the hell cares anyway? It’s the thought that counts. She felt sorry for Jhoanna na pinagtatawanan na siya ngayon ni Colet and now she is dying to suppress herself from laughing either.
“Pero on a serious note, I’m glad that she finally had the courage to tell you that na. You never know but that kid had been smitten with you a long time now. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay may nagsabi sa akin na ikaw pa ata ang dahilan daw kung ba’t siya tumakbo sa council.”
Biglang napantig ang tainga ni Aiah sa narinig niya. She never expects that one’s affection could be that deep, leading them to do something extraordinary. Yes, she knew that Jhoanna deserved a position in any organization in the school given her records, but earning her position just to get close to her was so… romantic, in any way possible. Nag init ang mukha niya roon, good thing that Colet isn’t looking because she’s busy relaxing herself after that laughter.
“S-say’s who?” Aiah asked out of curiosity.
“Huh?”
“Sinong nagsabi sa’yo na Jhoanna runs in the council because of me?”
“Maloi told me nung—teka, ba’t ka nakangiti?” Colet teased Aiah when she saw her creeping out a smile. “Kinikilig ka ba?”
“Oh my God, Ma. Nicolette Vergara, just answer the damn question nga!” Aiah slightly pushed Colet playfully pero hindi na talaga niya napigilan ang ngiti niya. She admits that she felt giddy when she heard that. Malas nga lang at nakita pa ‘yun ni Colet kaya inaasar na siya ngayon.
“Ganyan ka pala kung kiligin, napapasabi bigla ng government name ng kasama.”
“Don’t push it,” Aiah warned which made Colet surrender. She hangs up her hands, smirking and amusement is still visible on her face.
“Okay, okay, I get it.” Colet clears her throat and asked, “Pero anong nangyari? Why are you avoiding each other? Did you reject her agad?”
“No naman, I just---”
“So she has a chance?”
"What I meant is that---"
"Ay so wala siyang chance?"
“Why do you keep on interrupting my words ba? I’m still explaining. Gosh, Colet.”
“Okay, sorry sorry.”
“As I said,” Panimula ni Aiah, she clears her throat and faces Colet completely. The other one just ready herself to listen. “We are not avoiding each other because… I’m the one who’s avoiding her.”
Napataas ang kilay ni Colet sa sinabi niya. She’s not surprise kasi iyon naman minsan ang nangyayari kapag may umamin. What she’s curious about is the fact that Aiah, herself, is doing this kind of stuff. Colet knows that Aiah isn’t the type of person to avoid someone, kahit pa nga gaano ka-awkward ang isang sitwasyon ay alam niyang haharapin parin ito nang walang takot ni Aiah. So it intrigues her that Aiah is now being avoidant, with Jhoanna, of all people.
“And why is that?” she asked, although she was sure that she would not hear the exact answers that she expected.
“I… I don’t know, Colet.” Aiah sighs, feeling the weight in her chest again. “We were just so close. And hearing those words coming from her terrifies me.” She paused and turned her gaze to the table.
“I honestly don’t know how to face her after that. Parang… parang nahihiya na ako. Because I know to myself that I might’ve done things that made her fall too. Ang clingy ko sa kanya noon, Colet. I acted like that without knowing na may feelings na pala siya for me. And…”
Aiah inhales sharply, while Colet still listens, her playful demeanor completely fades.
“Go on, I’m all ears.”
“I’m so confused with what I’m feeling,” She whispers, her words almost not audible. “Natatakot ako na magbago yung ano mang meron kami ngayon. Although I know for a fact na magbabago na talaga. I feel overwhelmed with all these emtions, Col. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba dapat ang gagawin ko. Isa pang gumugulo sa isip ko ay ‘yung fact na…”
“Na..?”
“Na… baka I might have a little, just a little, tiny, bit of a feeling for her.”
“Ang redundant, Arceta. Be specific.”
“Tsk. Ewan ko na, basta I’m still confused.”
Hindi agad nagsalita si Colet. She is just observing Aiah's reaction. Napagtanto niyang she underestimated Aiah's perspective. From what she sees, she is really terrified and uncertain of what's going on next, which is unlikely to her. Colet didn't push hard, instead, she gave Aiah an understanding smile and patted her shoulder, a simple gesture to let her know that what she was feeling is valid.
"It's okay, Aiah. Walang mali sa nararamdaman mo. Let yourself sort things out first before you talk to her. Kapag okay ka na, mas masasabi mo lahat ng gusto mong sabihin sa kanya. But here's a little advice," She holds Aiah's chin to face her.
"You can take your time but avoiding her wouldn't solve your problem, Aiah. Ngayon pa nga lang bothered ka na, what more pa sa ibang araw? "
Aiah smiles softly. Maliit lang 'yung sinabi ni Colet but it speaks volume. She is thankful that she has friends like her na hindi nagtotolerate ng mga wrongdoings.
"I know," she murmurs and smiles, "thank you for listening, Col, it really means a lot."
Colet squeezes Aiah's shoulder and smirks, "Anytime, but sure ka bang 'a little bit' lang 'yang feelings mo for Jhoanna?" She teases.
"Colet!" Aiah replied and smacked Colet's shoulder a little harshly because she was starting to tease her again.
Another week passed like a blur and Aiah was still avoiding Jhoanna. Don't get her wrong, there were times that she eventually wanted to stop and just simply confront Jhoanna face to face pero every time she tries, palaging may distraction.
Exhibit A:
Sa student council room, when Jhoanna hands her another packed lunch. Madalas kasi ay hindi nagbabaon si Aiah kaya lumalabas siya ng office para bumili ng pagkain sa canteen, but before pa man lamang pumasok si Aiah sa office ay agad nang may packed lunch sa desk niya. The other members didn't know that Jhoanna was the one who gives her free lunch, but Aiah knows it because of the notes that plastered at the container.
"You need this para hindi ka na lumabas. Eat on time, Aiah."
-Tin
"Tin" short term for "Christine" in Jhoanna's second name
Aiah wants to thanked her in person but whenever she wants to, palaging si Jhoanna ang lumalayo every lunch break. How ironic, nagbibigay siya ng lunch but she leaves out the office everyday para kumain sa labas.
Exhibit B:
When Aiah was scribbling something on her sketchpad and accidentally drew Jhoanna on it. She thinks it is cute and immediately takes a photo of it and plans to send it to her. After taking a picture, nag compose muna siya ng sasabihin but every time she creates, she'll delete it afterwards dahil hindi siya sure kung okay lang ba 'yung tinatype niya.
To Jhoanna:
<Attached a photo>
<She looks like you<3>
*Deletes. Of course, it looks like her, silly. Siya 'yan eh.
To Jhoanna:
<Attached a photo>
<Hey, I drew you accidentally and I thought it's cute so I want to share it with you. :))>
*Deletes. Ang pangit basahin nung "accidentally". Hindi kapani paniwala.
To Jhoanna:
<Attached a photo>
<I think I missed you>
*Deletes. Nope! Absolutely not sending that.
She sighed after trying too hard and deletes what she's been meaning to send. Masyado siyang nag ooverthink kaya hindi niya matipa tipa ang gusto niyang sabihin. She's been meaning to send her a message pero dinedelete niya lahat ng nacocompose niya. Part of her was embarrassed, kasi masyado nang matagal na hindi sila nagpapansinan. Thank God it wasn't affecting their student council duty's though. Jhoanna is indeed professional.
Aiah was just lying in her bed, staring at the last message that Jhoanna sent her on Tuesday night. It was simple. Just a "goodnight, Aiah" text, yet she can't tear her gaze at it. She stares at it like some sort of a painting, deeply engulfed with its meaning even if it lacks the vibrancy. And amidst the chaos in her mind, she flinched when she heard her phone beep and she noticed that Jhoanna's last text was not the one that she was staring at now. But, it made her heart beat violently in a good way.
From Jhoanna:
<I miss you, Aiah.>
Sweet Jesus, it's not even in the past tense.
She badly wants to reply, pero ano namang sasabihin niya? So what she did was stare at that message until she fell into a deep slumber, with a heart aching, craving for intimacy.
With those incidents, hindi na talaga siya nagplano ng gagawin niya para kay makabawi kay Jhoanna. Instead, she just lets tadhana do its thing for them to reconnect. Isa pa, she's tired. Mentally and physically, unstable pa ng konti emotionally. College years are really sucking up her energy. Now she regrets why she didn't let herself did a lot of fun noong highschool and elementary pa siya. She regrets being reserved and introvert during those days. Ngayon tuloy ay bilang nalang ang mga araw na nagsasaya siya without the burden of responsibility weighing her.
But then again, thank God because it was her final year. Konting kembot nalang, graduate na siya.
Binabaybay niya ngayon ang corridor papuntang student council office para kumuha ng ibang work para mabawasan ang loads niya. It was almost 7 in the evening and people are becoming less. She hummed as she twirl the keys in her finger. She smiled at every person she meets and greet them. Nang malapit na siya sa office ay napansin niyang nakaopen pa ang mga ilaw nito't judging by the faint fog in the windows, pati aircon ay nakaopen pa.
Who could be in the office at this hour? Or did someone forget to close the lights and the aircon open? She clicked her tongue and made a mental note na pagsabihan bukas kung sino man ang salarin dito.
She knocks softly and twist the doorknob slowly. Una niyang pinasok ang ulo niya to see if there's a person inside. Nakita niya na wala naman kaya pumasok na siya agad para gawin ang mga dapat niyang gawin. But after a moment she froze when she saw someone dozing off at a desk, her laptop screen still on and playing some familiar music at the background.
"Jhoanna?" She murmured. For a moment, she hesitates. Lalakad ba siya papalapit sa kanya or is she gonna avoid and leave her again?
Tadhana is really something, kapag hindi siya handa ay saka naman ito gumawa ng paraan para magkasama sila ng solo. It's good na dalawa lang sila ngayon but the timing isn't perfect. Kasi ngayon ay nabablangko na naman ang utak at bibig niya kung ano ang gusto niyang sabihin.
But after a minute of hesitation, she took a deep breath and gained her courage. Matapang siya ngayon dahil tulog si Jhoanna and all she needed to do now was to get the things that she needed and get out as soon as possible. So she walks silently, avoiding to create even a little noise to not wake Jhoanna up. But her feet betrayed her when she saw how Jhoanna was peacefully sleeping.
Her thick, black-framed eyeglasses are still on, her lips slightly parting, and her shoulders slowly rise as she breathes.
This scene made Aiah stop on what she was doing. Instead, she lets herself succumb to Jhoanna's deep slumber. It's her first time seeing Jhoanna doze off in the office. She must really exhausted because the bags under her eyes are so evident even with her eyeglasses on. Biglang naawa si Aiah sa kanya. The guilt is fast eating her up. How could she avoid this little angel for nearly three weeks now? She instantly regrets it now. Kung maibabalik lang ang mga oras na iyon ay walang alinlangang babaguhin iyon ni Aiah.
She slowly moved her chair and let herself stare at the beautiful creature in front of her. The familiar song is the only sound lingering in the background as she lets herself stare at this beautiful creature in front of her.
Gusto kita na makasama hangga't 'di pa huli? Hmm
Dito ka lamang tumabi sa 'kin kahit sandali, oh
Oh, whoa, sasabihin ko sa 'yo, "May pagtingin ako"
Hiling makita mo, mata sa mata
Gusto nang maiyak ni Aiah noong napagtanto niyang matagal na niyang tinitigigan si Jhoanna na natutulog. Gusto niyang maiyak because first; Jhoanna is so attractive. Her gentle feature really radiates her personality. She has long hair, a perfectly carved eyebrows and long eyelashes which perfectly compliments her doe eyes. Her gaze turns into her naturally blushed cheeks down to her jawline. She gulped after deciding to get her eyeglasses to prevent it from breaking. Mukhang mahal pa naman ang frame nito, sayang lang kung masira kasi bagay na bagay ito sa kanya.
Di namalayang nakangiti
Larawan mo sa aking isip
Pagod ka na ba matratong mali?
She slowly, deliberately, puts away Jhoanna's eyeglasses from her face. Kinakabahan pa siya kasi baka magising ito but she's thankful na hindi. Now she gets to see Jhoanna's face without its specs again. She smiles, her genuine affection making her cheeks warm from the view. Ang ganda ni Jhoanna kapag with or without eyeglasses. But she preferred them with it though. Mas nagiging inosente siya kasi tignan kapag nakasuot siya nito.
And going back at one of the reasons why naiiyak siya while she's staring at her? It is because her heart is beating wildly again at this time. It made her heart ache in a good, exciting way. And if she could describe the feeling that's going on under her stomach--is it isn't some butterflies that are making it twirl but a whole damn zoo. Parang nakawalang hayop na pilit lumalabas.
She gulped hard when her eyes darted at Jhoanna's lips. That pink, plumpy lips that are so inviting and delicate. Napakagat siya ng labi nang makita niya ang mga 'to.
"Why are you making me feel like this?" Wala sa sarili niyang tanong, her gaze never leaving her lips.
And as if it's on a cue, Jhoanna's eyes slowly opens. She's squinting, dala na siguro nang hindi niya pagsuot ng eyeglasses niya.
It doesn't surprise Aiah that Jhoanna roses up from her sleep. Instead she met her gaze although she isn't sure if nakikita niya ba ito nang mabuti.
Oh-whoa (gusto kita)
Sasabihin ko sa 'yo (gusto, gusto kita)
"May pagtingin ako" (gusto kita, gusto kita)
Hiling makita mo (gusto kita, gusto kita)
Mata sa mata (gusto kita)
"Aiah?"