It's Angie, Actually
Remus was nervous, he was even scared to a point, not because Black had yet again made it into the castle, slashing the curtains of Ron’s dormitory bed, and not because Dumbledore was furious to the point that you could feel the rage in the air surrounding him. No, Remus was scared because Angelina was being sent to the castle along with a group of Aurors to search the grounds, not that anyone really expected Black to hang around.
Remus spent most of the time in the background, trying as hard as he could to listen in when the Aurors spoke of her whereabouts to ensure he was as far away as he could be. Of course, Dumbledore would have other plans for Remus and asked him to accompany a member of the group whilst they searched Gryffindor Tower, he’d been told it would be Benji, but Remus wasn’t so sure that would be the case by the time he arrived at the bottom of the stairs.
To his great surprise, Kingsley was the one who was standing there waiting for him. ‘Kingsley.’ He smiled a little too relieved.
‘Remus, how are you?’ The towering Auror smiled pleasantly.
‘Well, all things considered.’ Remus nodded, still feeling his relief. ‘Shall we get on? I can’t imagine the students will steer clear of the Tower for too long.’
‘Oh, I won’t be searching with you,’ Kingsley said. ‘Angie will be along soon.’
Remus’s heart fell through the floor, he was sure of it. He swallowed and tried to think quickly. ‘Right, I wonder if there might be anyone who can help with the search, only I’m quite behind on a lot of work-‘
‘Sorry Remus, all the other teachers are busy and Benji needed to go back to the office to deal with some paperwork.’ Kingsley knew exactly what he was doing, Remus was sure of it. ‘Don’t worry, it won’t take long and Angie knows what she’s looking for. We all know Black isn’t still here, you’ll be done int no time. Speaking of Angie.’ He said and wandered past where Remus was standing.
‘Dungeons are done, Tonks is finishing up in the astronomy tower and that should be it.’ Angelina. Her soft voice penetrated his whole being, he’d missed her.
‘Good.’ Kingsley’s voice carried. ‘We’ve already searched the Tower once, just make sure we haven’t missed anything.’
‘Will do.’
Remus only half turned to see Angelina, but unsurprisingly she didn’t even stop on her way past him.
‘Angelina.’ Remus called after her.
‘You don’t need to come with me.’ She called back, not even turning to look at him. Remus sighed and momentarily debated going back to his office, but the overwhelming fear that Black was still here and she was in danger without anyone to help, had him maintaining his distance behind her.
She stopped in the common room, leaning down to inspect the fire, but there didn’t seem to be anything of note. Angelina then took her pale wand out and began a deeper inspection of the whole room, she did it as quickly as she could, but there was a lot of ground to cover and it gave Remus a chance to watch her work.
She was still as beautiful as ever, her thick, blonde hair was tied up into a ponytail, revealing her strong, slender neck, he remembered the nights he’d kissed her soft skin and listened to her breathing his name, the nights he could smell her hair and allowed it to fill him with desire, which she returned in kind. She seemed to be a little on the thin side and Remus’s heart hurt when he remembered that David had told him she barely ate after they broke up.
‘Is there anything I can-‘
‘You can stay quiet and let me do my job.’ She said firmly. Remus nodded, but continued to watch her work. She reached into her long black coat and pulled out her round, thin-rimmed glasses, he hadn’t seen her wearing them for such a long time, but it only reinforced his suspicion that she was recovering better without him.
Angelina soon finished in the common room and ascended the stairs to the boy’s dormitory, Remus cautiously followed and tried to think of something else to say that wouldn’t cause a new rift between them.
She stopped at the top of the stairs and looked both ways down the corridor, she chose a direction and began walking away from where Black had been seen.
‘Actually, Harry’s dormitory is this way.’ Remus corrected her, but she didn’t stop, she just carried on walking. ‘Angelina?’ She suddenly stopped outside a room and placed her delicate hand on the door. ‘What’s wrong?’ She still didn’t say anything, but Remus could see there was a question on her mind. ‘If you allow me to help, this will all be over quicker.’
Her eyes flickered to the ground near his feet, she just couldn’t look at him and it was hurting more and more.
‘Who’s room is this?’ She asked quickly, like it was painful just to talk.
‘Fred and George Weasley, Ron’s brothers.’
Angelina nodded, carefully unlocking the door, but as soon as she stepped into the room, she quickly decided it wasn’t where she needed to be. She almost collided with Remus on her way out and it was the most wonderful feeling to be so close to her, even if it was just for a moment, he could pretend she meant it.
They paused for a moment as Angelina looked down at the ground as if she was watched something, before moving in the direction of Harry’s dormitory. Out of the three or four doors that she could have chosen, she immediately found the right room and went inside. Remus watched her check each bed before stopping at Ron’s.
Remus was curious as to why she was checking around the bed and almost completely avoiding the bed itself, like it wasn’t significant in the slightest. She suddenly stopped a little closer to the bed next to Ron’s and as if she was watching something quick darting in front of her, her eyes began to search all over the bed, until the stopped and she frowned.
‘Are you looking for something in particular?’ Remus asked. Angelina sighed, her focus suddenly blurring and Remus could see it was because of him. ‘Maybe I can help?’
‘You can’t.’ She answered immediately.
‘Look, if you just tell me what it is you’re looking for-‘
‘You can’t help.’ She snapped. ‘I’m not looking for anything, I’m just… I’m just feeling it out.’
‘Feeling it out?’
‘You wouldn’t understand.’ Her voice was much quieter, and Remus sighed.
‘Is it something you learned in Tibet?’
She didn’t answer, instead she looked over at Harry’s bed and went to stand at the foot of it.
‘Can you at least tell me what it is you’re feeling?’ There was a flicker of sadness at the way Remus had phrased the question. ‘In terms of finding Black, I mean.’ He added and watched her expression harden again.
Angelina sighed again, putting her wand back in her pocket and revealing how thin her body really was underneath her tight white t-shirt. Remus felt so much pain he thought he’d break there and then, her once beautiful and full body was now verging on skeletal, it was almost as bad as the moment she returned from Tibet, weakened and fragile. That wasn’t his Angelina, his Angelina was strong and lean and capable of such amazing things, she was soft and warm and inviting and he sorely missed it.
‘He’s an animagus.’ She said, much to Remus’s surprise, how could she have known that? ‘I’m trying to figure where he went and why. He’s obviously not after Harry, so he’s after something else, but I can’t figure out what. There’s nothing dark or obscure in this room aside from the Animagus trails and the-‘ she suddenly stopped talking and Remus instinctively took a step towards her in questioning.
‘And the what?’ He asked, but she suddenly looked incredibly uncomfortable.
‘It doesn’t matter.’ She shook her head.
‘Angelina-‘
‘It’s Angie, actually.’
Remus thought his chest would actually explode from the pain, she really was moving on from him. ‘I’ve always called you Angelina.’
‘Yeah, well you gave up that privilege, didn’t you?’ He could tell that she didn’t mean to be so blunt and in fact, she probably didn’t mean what she was saying, but Remus didn’t push the subject any further.
‘We think that Black was searching for Harry and just got the wrong bed,’ Remus leaned against the bedpost of another bed and tried not to show how hurt he was. ‘By the time he realised it was too late and everyone was already waking up. It’s not like he could risk being found.’
Angelina sighed and sat on the end of Harry’s bed, looking down at the ground. ‘I can’t do this again.’ Her voice was barely above a whisper. ‘Remus, I know that Black is innocent, I know that he wasn’t in this room to kill Harry, so there’s something else he’s after. I know you don’t believe me and that’s fine, I’ve been learning to live like that, but you cannot expect me to be okay with this and you cannot treat me like I’m your friend anymore.’
Remus nodded, he knew what he did, but he couldn’t believe that she was still giving into the delusion that Black was innocent. ‘How did you know he was an animagus?’
‘Because he helped me evade the dementors in Azkaban,’ she sighed. ‘I was on the floor and they were coming, he told me to change back into my animagus and when I looked up, all I could see was a big black dog. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that that’s how he’s been avoiding the dementors all these years.’
‘If he knew all along how to escape the dementors, why did he not attempt to escape before now?’ Remus asked, suddenly a little curious.
‘I don’t know.’ Angelina shook her head. ‘Something must have happened when I was there, I must have said something, done something that made him think this was an ideal time to make a move.’
‘Maybe he took advantage of the fact you were breaking your brother out and decided to use it as a good cover?’
‘That seems to be the theory everyone else has.’
Angelina still didn’t look at Remus and strode out of the dormitory, he couldn’t let her leave so suddenly, not without one final attempt to settle her pain.
‘Angelina,’ he called. ‘Please don’t leave like this.’ Remus barely needed to stride to keep pace with her down the stairs of Gryffindor Tower, he’d always been able to catch to her easily. ‘Come to my office, let’s just talk for a while.’
‘You mean like we used to?’ Suddenly Remus was confronted with the fury of those ocean blue eyes, a fury he’d never seen before. ‘Like the old days when I had a problem and you used that as an excuse to spend time with me? Like when we used to laugh at each other and worry about the future? Like when I didn’t really mind that you were telling me something I didn’t want to hear, because at least you were talking to me?’ He was at a loss. ‘You gave all that up Remus, you gave up everything to do with me, because I can’t be around you and pretend to feel okay. It hurts too much, just thinking about you hurts too much and I need to stay focussed, now more than ever.’
‘Angelina-‘
‘Stop calling me that!’ She took a breath and Remus could feel the tears building behind his eyes, the lump in his throat forming. Angelina took a moment to compose herself, before turning back to Remus. ‘I can’t stay here.’ She said and strode quickly towards the entrance to the castle. Remus didn’t go after her this time.
The pain of seeing Remus again was too much, I spent days in my bed crying all over again, David helped me back into the world all over again and after two weeks I felt like I’d been drained. All. Over. Again.
‘I can’t do this.’ I said as we sat in my lab watching the Puffapods. It was a lazy day, because David allowed me one or two of those, we sat in baggy clothes and ate chocolate, talking about nothing and making jokes at each other’s expense.
‘Yeah, I’m pretty sure something should have happened by now.’ David chuckled, stretching his back.
‘I meant with Remus.’ I sipped my tea and continued to stare into the water tank. ‘I don’t think I can ever look at him again… hearing about him is hard, thinking about him is worse, but when I looked at him, I just…’
‘You felt like your body was being ripped apart.’ David filled in the rest of the sentence and I looked over to see him giving me that knowing, handsome smile. ‘You felt like you were falling but not in a good way, like you were given a shot of adrenaline and you prayed that nothing bad would happen, because it would hurt so much more than usual. Yeah, that stops after a while.’ He sighed, itching his beard, he’d decided to keep it in the end. ‘Well, it never quite stops, but the first time is always the worst. So, you can take comfort in it never feeling that bad again.’
‘Somehow I don’t actually find that very comforting.’ I snorted and adjusted my glasses, keeping my eye on the pod. ‘I just think I’d be better off avoiding him where I can, it’ll be easier for everyone.’
David didn’t respond and I had the distinct impression that he wanted to convince me otherwise, but it wouldn’t work, I’d been through enough.
‘So, is this thing supposed to have exploded or something?’ David sat up, trying to find a new more comfortable position.
‘I honestly have no idea.’ I half laughed. ‘Probably. I was hoping it would release some of the puss inside the actual pod, but I’m pretty sure we’d know by now if it worked.’
I threw my notebook on the floor and stretched my back, finally giving up on the experiment and trying to think about what I could try next. David stood up and stretched his hips, making strange grunting noises that made me laugh at him.
‘So attractive.’ I rolled my eyes and it only served to make him laugh.
‘You hungry?’ He asked, grabbing my empty mug. ‘Your dad said there was some leftover curry in the fridge.’
We sat at the kitchen table and ate curry and talked about what was happening with Buckbeak. The trial would happen whether we wanted it to or not, I had no pull with the minister anymore, Darren wasn’t much better and my parents wouldn’t risk their jobs for a hippogriff. I hated to admit it, but it looked like a lost cause.
‘Yeah, he’s pretty torn up about it, but Malfoys will be Malfoys.’ David shrugged, cleaning up the plates. ‘That Granger girl has been doing what she can, she a friend of Harry and Ron’s, I’m not sure they’re on speaking terms just now, but she’s one smart cookie. Reminds me a lot of you when we were in school, I mean, she’s a stickler for the rules, unlike you,’ I had to laugh at that. ‘But she’s one of the smartest kids I’ve ever met.’
‘I miss being a student,’ I let my head fall back against the chair and looked up at the ceiling. ‘We didn’t know how good we had it at the time.’
‘We were kids, kids don’t know anything.’ David laughed and I had to join in. ‘Anyway, I’d best get dressed and head up to the castle. Early class tomorrow.’
‘Yeah, I need to head into Diagon Alley in the morning, deliver some stuff to the shop.’ I yawned, feeling the curry settle in my stomach. ‘Actually, is there any chance you could do me a favour?’
‘Sure, what is it?’ David nodded and set the dishes to wash themselves.
‘I need you to ask Remus for something of mine.’
‘Look, I love you, but I’m not touching your dirty underwear and I’m not asking another bloke for them.’ David joked, but that one actually hit a bit harder than I anticipated, the knowledge that Remus was the only man I’d ever been with and possibly the only man I’d ever be with was a sore feeling. ‘Sorry. What is it you need me to pick up?’
I stood up and began heading upstairs to my bedroom with David close behind.
‘My dad gave Remus something to keep safe while I was away,’ I began to explain, sitting on my bed and watching David pack up his things. ‘Lockwood’s Prophecy.’ David suddenly looked up at me with his big brown eyes. ‘Yeah, I know. It was when Darren was struggling and my dad thought it would be safer with Remus, but I need it back now, the brother thinks that the way to destroy him is in the prophecy.’
‘Right.’ David nodded, I could tell he was a little overwhelmed and gave him a moment to think. ‘Okay, I’ll talk to him when I get back to the castle.’
‘Best do it at the weekend.’ I shook my head. ‘It’s a full moon tomorrow, he won’t be in the right headspace to talk about me.’
David sighed and continued packing, he eventually left and I was completely alone in the house, for a while it was nice to have the space to think, but all thought led to Remus and inevitably more pain.