Lockwood Part 4

Remus cried most nights, he had never felt so alone in all his life, never felt the agony of another person’s betrayal quite so much, but he couldn’t believe what Angelina had done, granted, he didn’t believe she directly let Black escape, but it was one coincidence too far for his liking. He thrust himself into his work and retreated back into the shell he was before he got involved with Angelina.

It was difficult to watch her cry and hear her beg for him to believe her, but she had no proof of what she was saying and his fears that Tibet had corrupted her mind were justified. He had a bad feeling about her time there, her studying of a magic that no one had heard of, not even Dumbledore, learning things about her soul that made no real sense. Remus was now of the opinion that the power to send her patronus over the distance that she did, was inside her all along and she simply needed the confidence to do it.

Another theory that James had was that this sacred village she said she discovered may not have been as far away as she claimed. Remus remembered her describing the way she found it and the likelihood was that she had come across a portkey and had been sent to a location much closer to home.

Remus tried hard for months not to think on her, not to think about how much pain he was really in and tried not to think about how the pain of the transformation was somehow better than the heartbreak he was suffering now.

His focus was only ever in two places, Hogwarts or Black, neither filled him with any joy and both always seemed to take him back to Angelina. He spent less and less time away from the castle to visit Lily and James and more and more time in the confines of his office or room. His condition was worse than ever and Remus could only place blame on the dementors presence, he denied that his personal life was any effect whatsoever, much to the annoyance of Snape who was forced to take over some of his classes when he was incapable of teaching.

He kept in regular contact with James and Lily through owl, but chose to vary which owl he sent in case Black recognised his usual one and intercepted any messages. It was an extravagant caution, but Black was smart, if he wanted to intercept an owl, it would hardly be a trial for him. Remus began wandering around the castle grounds with Harry who was equally as concerned about Black as he was about the dementors having such an effect on him. He’d asked Remus to help him defend himself just in case, but with Remus’s weakening state, he would need to wait until after Christmas when he was stronger.

Quite by chance, Remus had bumped into David on his way up to the owlery.

‘David.’ Remus said, startled at the burly young man’s presence. He was sporting a new beard that was growing by the day. ‘Trying something new?’ Remus chuckled and David was suddenly a little awkward, running his hand through his new facial hair.

‘Erm, yeah, a friend suggested I give it a go and just see what happens.’ He laughed a little awkwardly. Remus was suddenly and painfully aware of who his ‘friend’ was and David saw the realisation in his eyes. ‘You heading to the owlery?’

‘Yes, letter to my father.’ Remus vaguely waved the letter in his hand.

‘I’ll come with you, I’ve got a few things to send as well.’ David smiled his handsome smile and Remus remembered the days when he could charm his female classmates with that smile. He’d grown so much over the years Remus had known him, from the very first day at Hogwarts when a bright young muggle born latched onto his wizarding friends and tried to work out this new world he’d been thrust into, to the man he was now, experienced, wise, kind and smarter than anyone gave him credit for. ‘So, how are you?’ David asked as the two teachers walked through the snow up to the owlery.

‘I’m well.’ Remus lied. ‘And yourself?’

David sighed and pulled his long navy coat tighter to his body. ‘Are you spending Christmas at the Potter’s this year?’

‘No, Harry will be staying at Hogwarts with his friends, so I’ve decided to stay as well.’ Remus frowned in questioning.

‘I think you should get away from the castle for a bit,’ David told him honestly. ‘It’s not good for you to stay here, you need to get away and take a break from everything.’

‘You’re probably right,’ Remus sighed. ‘But I can’t leave Harry unprotected.’

‘Harry will be fine here for a few days, you need to start taking batter care of yourself.’ David argued. Remus took a deep breath and looked out at the view of the lake covered with ice as they began the ascent of the owlery stairs. He remembered when David needed his help to recover and knew that the young man would help him if he asked.

‘How is she?’ Remus suddenly asked, not really sure he wanted the answer. David stopped and turned to face the Dark Arts professor, there was a flicker of anger in his eye that didn’t quite disappear.

‘If I tell you the truth, do you think it’s going to help you feel better?’

Remus shook his head. ‘No.’ He breathed.

‘In that case,’ David turned back to continue the ascent. ‘She’s heartbroken, she’s miserable, she’s in agony and she can’t figure out how to make things right again. Angie spends most of her days in bed, she never wants to do anything other than sleep and when she isn’t sleeping, she cries. She only ever eats regularly if someone is forcing her out of bed and into the kitchen and I’m pretty sure that if the option was given to stop living, she wouldn’t hesitate.’ David stopped again and turned back to Remus who felt his chest inflate with pain. ‘You did that Remus.’ Why was David doing this to him? Why was he telling him the truth? ‘I know I’m only a muggle born and I don’t understand the fear of Voldemort like everyone else, I wasn’t there, I didn’t lose anyone in the war and I wasn’t betrayed by my best friend, but I know Angie and I know that she is telling the truth.’ Remus followed David into the much warmer owlery, he felt a whip of anger towards David, how could he say that? How could he say any of it so casually?

‘She has no proof.’ Remus mumbled, pretending to busy himself with his letter.

David stopped again, putting his hand on his hip and staring a hole into Remus with his firm brown eyes. ‘Angie is special, you know that better than anyone, how much proof has she ever needed to convince you of anything?’ Remus didn’t answer, but he knew that David was right, Angelina had never needed to work hard to convince Remus of anything. ‘I get that this is a hard thing for you to talk about, but you never even gave her a chance after she got back to explain her side of things. She starved on the side of a mountain, she nearly died trying to get home to see you again, she walked into Azkaban half dead just to get her brother back because she knows how important family is and she had faith that you would be there to help her. You betrayed her as well.’

Remus leaned on the desk where he had been tying his letter to one of the owls, exasperated.

‘I’m not asking you to do anything here Remus, but you need to understand that Angie wouldn’t hurt you for no reason, she’s not that different, she’s just… overwhelmed.’ It was a strange choice of word for David to use and Remus frowned at him a little. ‘I can’t explain it to you, she just… she sees things incredibly clearly now and if you had given her a chance to show you what happened in Tibet, you’d see things clearly as well.’

‘What do you mean, show me?’ Remus felt his voice was much more hoarse than usual, he suddenly felt much older than his thirty-three years of life would account for.

‘Like I said, it’s not something I can explain,’ David shook his head. ‘But she’s shown us all and I can’t imagine the pressure she is under right now… I just want you to know that whatever happens next, I’m always taking Angie’s side. I owe you a lot for helping me and I know that that’s a debt I will need to pay back one day, but the things Angie has shown me… she’s more important. You used to believe that as well.’

Remus watched David for a moment and when he really looked at the man standing in front of him, he could see that there was something different about him, like there was a secret that he was keeping, one that gave him courage where he previously failed to have any.

‘I understand.’ Remus nodded. David clearly didn’t believe him, but instead of saying anything else, he left Remus alone in the owlery.

He thought long and hard on what David had told him of Angelina’s suffering and he couldn’t stand it, the thought that he had caused her such pain was unbearable. Remus wanted so badly to find the courage to go to the house and curl up next to her sleeping figure, to hold her close and tell her everything was going to be okay, that he would never leave her again. But the stark reminder of Black’s betrayal continued to creep towards the forefront of his mind, the instinct he’d had all those years ago to severe ties with anything that he could lose to the war was returning.

He remembered the fear, he remembered the terror at the thought of losing anyone he loved, Remus did the only thing he felt he could do all those years ago, anything he could do to keep people safe and keep himself from anymore heartbreak. Little did he know that the loss of Angelina was like no other pain he’d ever known.

He tried hard to get back to teaching and find the joy in it again, some days were better than others, some days he would smile at his students and he would mean it, but for the most part he sat in his office and thought about whether he made the right choice.

Every single part of my body was weighted down by some reminder of Remus, everything hurt, physically and emotionally. It only ever made me tired and unable to focus on anything clearly. I tried to appreciate my friends visits, I tried to thank my parents for putting up with my laziness and I tried so hard to find joy in my brother’s return to Quidditch, but nothing helped, not in the way I needed it to.

David had been instrumental in helping me get through the bad days, helping me get back into my lab and find things to occupy my time. I knew I needed to work on something new, something to get me back into my stride again, but without anyone to bounce ideas off, I was a bit lost. David had done his best, but he wasn’t Remus.

It was a long rainy weekend when I had shown David what had happened in Tibet, I was only half sure that it would work, it needed all my focus, but I was clear headed enough for just a moment to gain access to his mind the way the Oracles had accessed mine. I didn’t filter anything, I showed him every memory from the moment I left Remus in the Forbidden forest with his class, to the moment the minister had left the house with the knowledge I had nothing to do with Black’s escape.

I needed to sleep for a few hours afterward, not quite being strong enough to cope with the amount of energy it had taken to share so much with David, but when I woke up he was there, staring out my bedroom window with a curious frown on his face. We spent the next couple of weeks building up my strength enough to share the same memories with Jocelyne, Benji, my parents and Darren. It took a while to recover from each one and the only recommendation David had, was to simply let go and allow me into their minds and it would be easier on both of us.

Benji had been the one to take it a little harder than the others, but he eventually came around and apologised for being so distant and untrusting of me. It wasn’t his fault, he worked for the ministry and as far as he knew Black was guilty, he’d heard what had happened all those years ago and without anything to prove otherwise, he had believed in Black’s guilt and evil nature. Benji had always been a little less willing to believe in that which he couldn’t experience for himself, but I was always willing to give him all the time he needed to come around.

The thing that really bothered me, was how well Darren had taken everything, I’d already shared some of the memories of the brothers before, but this should have worried him more than it was. I didn’t bring it up, but there was something in the back of my mind that was worrying me about Darren, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Mum had invited everyone to the house for Christmas and it was nice, I enjoyed being surrounded by my friends, especially with Jackson and Harper running around keeping me active. Everyone stayed at the house from Christmas Eve until Boxing Day, with Darren spending Christmas with Clara there was plenty of room and for three days I felt like things were finally getting better.

I’d kept up with the news rolling in about Sirius Black and decided I needed to help if I could. The minister insisted I go with Kingsley to investigate the places he’d been sighted and the one place I dreaded going was Hogsmeade, it was the weekend and there was every chance that I could bump into Remus. Kingsley knew I was distracted and slightly less able to sense things the way I should have done, but he did his best to keep me distracted with talk of the shop, something I’d been a little more focussed on in recent weeks.

The shop was doing well, Alfred and Alice had managed to find someone to help during the full moon when they couldn’t work as hard. I recognised the young man as well, Casper Davenport. He was the one who had taken over entertaining in the courtyard when Jack and I left the school. I was happy to see that his position in the shop wasn’t just as a sales assistant, but that he took great care of the plants that were grown out the back of the shop.

It seemed he didn’t get the grades to get into the Healer programme like he wanted, but soon found his calling in working to help the werewolf community in a different way. I was surprised to find how good he was at brewing potions, he was especially good with Lockwood’s Wolfsbane and prided himself on being able to give customers solid advice in brewing their own.

I made regular visits to the shop, to keep up with Alfred and Alice and to try and find a little normality in my life again.

I was preparing to give another speech at the right’s campaign, something I’d been very neglectful in and something that had lost a little momentum even with Alfred and Alice making speeches in my absence. The speech I was going to make that summer would be a little more focussed on the longevity of the positive effects of Lockwood’s Wolfsbane, proving that the potion was enough to give werewolves the ability to function normally and without risk to those around them.

David was incredibly pleased with the amount of work I was doing with my research and that combined with Darren’s news that he had been picked for the National team again, had me smiling the widest I’d smiled in months. I was beyond proud of my brother, after all the bad press and negativity concerning his time in Azkaban, he finally had something to look forward to and work towards.

I decided at that point it was time for me to revisit my progress where the brother was concerned. It was an odd thing to think that he really had left me alone since I told him to stay out of my life, since he told me there were things we could try to get him out of me once and for all.

I sat in the middle of my lab one morning and meditated on my safe place. The desert was just as vast as it had always been, that same white orb floating in the sky only took a moment of thought to enter into. The brother was in a bed with pure white sheets and he looked sick, sweat was covering his entire being and I was surprisingly worried about him.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked and pulled a chair closer to the bed.

‘What do you think?’ He said rather miserably. His body was surrounded by soaking wet sheets from where he had been heavily sweating. For a moment he said nothing, until he began sobbing uncontrollably. ‘I miss Dora.’ He cried and I felt my heart sink. He was heartbroken. ‘My Dora, my wife, my son, where are you?!’ He screamed and I had no idea what to do. All I really could do was watch as he cried and screamed, the same way I had done when Jack died, it was a pain that couldn’t be contained and I sorely understood it.

After what felt like hours, he managed to regain some of his composure, he was still sweating heavily, like the heartbreak was some kind of fever he couldn’t rid himself of by simply resting. I watched him for a few more moments, his curled, blonde hair was much darker as it stuck to his pale skin and for just a moment, I felt incredibly sorry for him.

‘Remus, are you dying?’ I asked, seeing that he was a little more with it.

‘Yes, but not quickly enough.’ He choked out. His dark brown eyes pierced mine. ‘You need to find a way to kill me, I realise it now… if I’m gone, Romulus will have no more reason to hurt anyone.’ I felt my eyes widen a little, did he really mean it? ‘Please, Angie, please kill me. I can’t do this anymore.’

‘Tell me how.’ I begged. ‘Remus, tell me how to kill you.’

‘I remember now…’

‘Remember what?’ I frowned. ‘Tell me what you remember? Someone told you? You saw it written somewhere?’

Remus shook his head and it was suddenly clear that he wasn’t just suffering from some kind of fever, the pain was everywhere, in his every nerve ending and it was unbearable.

‘Remus, tell me what you remember.’ I commanded him, I wouldn’t let him slip away so easily.

‘The prophecy!’ He screamed and that was all I needed to open my eyes and suck in a breath of fresh morning air.

I could hear my father downstairs, presumably making breakfast. I ran down the stairs to see my mother reading the Daily Prophet, Sirius still took up most of the front page, another sighting and I vaguely thought about the minister calling upon me again to accompany the investigating team.

‘Dad!’ I said, startling both of my parents.

‘Angie,’ he smiled, half laughing. ‘You’re full of energy today.’

‘Dad, what do you know about a prophecy?’ It wasn’t just my father who stopped, my mother was suddenly looking between the two of us, worriedly anticipating what was about to happen.

My father sighed and leaned over the counter where he’d been making eggs. ‘Lockwood’s prophecy.’ He said, like a huge weight was being lifted from his shoulders. ‘It is a prophecy that supposedly details the end of the brothers, passed down through the generations…’ I could see how difficult this was for him. ‘Angie, please understand that no one actually knows what the prophecy says, it can only be heard by the person whom it is about and not a single Lockwood has been able to hear it. All we know is…’

‘George.’ My mother put the paper down entirely, pleading with my father to tell me whatever he was keeping so secret. He couldn’t but nodded for my mother to tell me instead. ‘Sweetheart, the prophecy is supposed to contain details about how the Lockwood bloodline ends, but the more Lockwoods that are born, the more information we have on what the end may mean and when it will happen.’

‘You said that the brothers splitting into two hosts was significant?’

‘Yes, it is.’ My mother nodded. ‘But so is your birth, there’s never been a daughter before now. We weren’t sure at first, but after looking through some old family trees, it seems that you are the first daughter in three thousand years.’

Truthfully, I had no idea why that would be significant, but I was a little more about why my father couldn’t tell me.

‘Where is the prophecy?’ I asked and just as my mother was about to answer my father turned around.

‘It’s safe.’ He said.

‘Safe where?’

He didn’t answer and I began to feel that sinking feeling.

‘Dad, what did you do with the prophecy?’

My father swallowed hard, opening and closing his mouth a couple of times before finally speaking. ‘Remus has it.’

I suddenly felt defeated. I closed my eyes for just a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to figure why my father would give Remus a three thousand year old prophecy that belonged to the Lockwoods.

‘Because at the time Darren’s episodes were getting worse,’ my father carefully explained. ‘You weren’t here and Remus was doing everything he could to help hold things together. He was doing right by you Angie and you should have a little more appreciation for him for that.’

‘I do appreciate him!’ I yelled, standing up and realising how much pain I was still in from Remus. ‘I never claimed not to, but I need to know what that prophecy says about the brothers and I can’t imagine Remus giving it to me to be an easy task now.’

‘I think you’d be surprised.’ My mother said a little quietly. ‘Write to him and ask, I’m sure he wouldn’t say no to seeing you again.’

I couldn’t listen to any more talk of Remus, I needed to find another way to get the prophecy back from him, one that didn’t involve my seeing him face to face. Perhaps David would help me, he promised to make another visit that weekend, to see how I was getting on, it would be the perfect time to ask him.