Succeed or Die
‘I hope you have learnt enough.’ Yonten said behind me.
It was one of the only mornings during the summer that I had woken with a clear mind and I had taken advantage of that, going to early morning training with the warriors and helping Pema with a few errands.
I turned to face Yonten after watering a few of the bushes next to the temple, his face was stony and unreadable, but I had a deep sense of fear washing over me.
‘You will face the first test today, there is no more time to waste.’ He said and gestured for me to follow him, I could see Wangchuk looking nervous as I was taken past him to the training arena. Yonten stopped in front of the pillared archway and looked down at me. ‘No one will be able to help you, you either succeed or you die.’
‘Wait, what-?’ I had no more time to question Yonten before he pushed me into the silent arena. I whipped my wand out on instinct and felt my heart thumping hard against my ribcage. What exactly was it that I was expected to do? Was he really expecting me to die? Without saying goodbye? Without knowing what it was I would face?
I brought my wand up a little higher and took a deep breath, if this was a test then I needed to focus, I needed to pass. I tried to listen for anything that might have been close by, stepping cautiously around the outer edge of the arena, my eyes darting around trying to see anything I could. But there was nothing. What was it I was supposed to be fighting? Was I even supposed to be fighting? It could have been some kind of riddle or puzzle, it could have been anything.
Yonten hoped that I had learnt enough and I had the sinking feeling that I hadn’t learnt anything that would help me out of this situation.
I felt a cold breeze brushing past my arm, I remained still for a moment and listened to the subtle sounds of a jaw opening slowly behind me, I leaped forward to get away from whatever creature was behind me, only to see something scurrying back into the shadows of the arena. It was another few minutes before anything else happened. The silence was killing me, if there was something there, why didn’t it just show it’s face?
I tried to get a little lower to the ground, trying to see what it was that hid in the shadows under the edge of the arena, but there was nothing there. At least nothing I could see. I suddenly had an idea, if I could see any kind of magical trail then I could figure out what was most likely stalking me. All I could feel was a dark trail that led nowhere, it felt the same as that day in Diagon Alley when I first began sensing dark magic, tempting to follow, but not quite what I had been looking for. This time the thick, silky stream of magic that ran between my fingers was the only thing that gave me any indication that something else was there.
I could feel the dark trail moving, the creature was moving to a location just in my blind spot behind me, I didn’t move and kept my eyes focussed in front of me. The sound of that jaw opening sounded again behind me, it wasn’t quite as close as the last time and I waited a second longer before firing off a stunner.
It was a Quintaped, a five-legged beast that was classified as dangerous, a known wizard killer with little to no chance of becoming domesticated. What was one doing in Tibet? They were only really native to one island in Scotland because of how dangerous they are. I looked at it a little closer as it writhed around from the stunner, it seemed to be struggling with one of it’s legs. Each of it’s legs had a strange deformed foot on the end, but one of them seemed to be facing the wrong way, broken possibly.
I could hardly let it go on in pain, if there was a chance to help it and get out of there, then I had to take it. Getting close was going to be hard while it was conscious and trying to eat me, but it was obvious that the poor thing was in a lot of pain. I couldn’t wait too much longer to make a decision, the Quintaped was finding it’s way back to it’s feet, keeping the one closest to it’s mouth tucked away so as not to injure it further.
It was only now that I could see the size of the creature, more than twice the size of me, covered in red-brown hair that was a little patchy in places, it’s big yellow eyes finding me immediately as it’s jaw slowly opened once again. I didn’t hesitate this time, I flicked my wand to freeze the creature in place, knowing I wouldn’t have much time to inspect the broken foot of the Quintaped.
I did my best to find out where it was broken and snap it back into place, the creature let out a wail and I could see a few tears beginning to build in it’s eyes.
‘I know, I know,’ I tried to calm it and remember everything I could about Quintapeds, was there anything that it would respond to? Could I help it with the pain? What spells worked? Were there any that would do more harm than good? I racked my brain being as careful and as gentle as I could with it’s foot. ‘You’re okay now, we’ll have you fixed up in no time.’ I tried to speak calmly so as not to upset it.
Finally I conjured a splint and some bandages to wrap around the leg and keep everything in place while it healed, just as I did, I could see the immobulus charm wearing off, I couldn’t cast it again while some of the effects were still in place, but I didn’t want it moving around too much while I was still working. I needed to finish quickly and work out how I was going to get out of there.
It suddenly occurred to me to try the door that I came through, if it was a test then there was nothing to say that the solution wasn’t simply walking out of the door again. But then why put me in here with a deadly beast in the first place? I quickly tightened the bandage just as the charm was wearing off and sprinted over to the door, which disappeared just as I got to it.
I fell through the archway to see Yonten look back at me surprised, Wangchuk was the same until he began breaking out into a small smile. It looked as if it had only been seconds since I entered with the Oracles still just walking away from the arena.
‘You finished.’ It was a slight question, but more shock that came from Yonten. ‘No one has ever finished that quickly before, tell me what you did.’ He demanded, but I suddenly felt my anger catch up to me.
‘Succeed or die?!’ I yelled. ‘Those were the only two options you gave me! Are you serious?! You locked me in there with a deadly beast, no warning, nothing to say what I had to do to get out.’
‘You slayed the beast?’ Yonten frowned, taking no notice of the fact that I just shouted at him in front of the rest of the village.
‘No! I fixed it’s leg and ran away as quickly as I could! What was I supposed to do?’ Why would he think for a second that I would simply kill something on sight?
Yonten’s frown deepened even more before he turned to Wangchuk and the other Oracles, whispering in a language I still didn’t recognise, but I got the impression that he thought I hadn’t taken the test properly or that someone had let slip what would happen. Did he think that Wangchuk had told me what to do?
I risked a glance behind me to find that the arena was empty, nothing to suggest a Quintaped had been anywhere near it. They finally stopped whispering and Yonten turned to me.
‘You have passed the first test.’ He said simply and nodded for Wangchuk to take me back to training. I had a good feeling that I wouldn’t see Yonten for a little while.
‘Let’s go.’ Wangchuk guided me to the pond and told me to make my way across it yet again.
There was a heavy silence for a few minutes as I did as I was asked, still feeling the remaining anger subside and finding my task easier once it had.
‘Yonten seemed angry that I passed.’ I said as Wangchuk set up a small obstacle course for me to make my way across. He said nothing. ‘Was I supposed to fail?... it’s not like I was going to kill the creature, what did he expect me to do?’
‘He expected you to trust your instincts.’ Wangchuk suddenly turned to face me. ‘To assess the situation and take the best course of action that would ensure your survival.’
‘And I did survive, so what’s the problem?’ I shot back and realised that it might not have been the best move.
‘Angie,’ Wangchuk moved slowly towards me. ‘You are being asked to lead a war, to ask that people die in the name of what is right, now while I maintain that whatever you decide to do will be what is best for everyone, I have to agree that if you cannot bring yourself to kill when the time calls for it, you may not survive and we will all lose everything.’
‘To kill?’ I breathed. ‘How could I be asked to kill anyone? How could you ask that of me? I’ve done everything you have asked because I believed you were teaching me what the alternative was… I won’t kill my brother, not while there’s a chance he can survive this.’
‘What if there is no other choice?’
‘There is always another choice! Always!’
‘People die in wars, people die every day fighting for the things they believe in, some are misguided and people like you must be strong enough-‘
‘People like me have to be strong enough to see that while there is hope, there is no need to kill. There was hope for that creature, it could go back to its home and live out it’s life in peace and I have no right to take that away from any creature on this earth!’
He paused for a moment and looked at me, considering my answer. ‘Your determination will not matter anymore, Yonten will change the tests and without knowing what is coming, I cannot prepare you.’
‘You didn’t prepare me for that!’ I screamed, my throat was killing me and the normally peaceful village felt hostile. ‘You never told me anything! You just watched as he pushed me into that place with something that could kill me! What if I had died? Your dreams of training a leader would have been over.’
‘They are not dreams, Angie!’ Wangchuk stepped towards me, not about to back down in the slightest. ‘Everything that is happening here has been predetermined, the future has been predicted by seers who have yet to be wrong, your future is set-‘
‘My future is not set!’ I could definitely taste blood in my throat. ‘My future is mine to determine! I will not kill!’
Wangchuk looked as if he was about to say something else, but decided better of it, we both needed the time to cool off and it was clear that whatever the test was supposed to be, I had only passed on a technicality.
I wrote to Remus, my letter was long and painful to write, I couldn’t contain my tears and I knew that they would go with the letter and he would see how upset I was. I told him how I worried about what it was they were really teaching me, I wondered if I could still trust them, I hoped that I had learnt enough to judge for myself, I tried to imagine what Tenzin would say, what would Darren do? How could they ask me to kill a creature that was in pain when there was a chance to fix it? How much longer was I supposed to stay? And would I be able to survive the next test? Why didn’t I just stay home? Stay with Remus, find the cottage in my dreams, sit by the lake and read with him, curl up in bed and know that he would always be there, arms wrapped around my body keeping me safe. Why was I chosen? I wasn’t strong enough.
The only thing I knew for certain was that I was wrong, my future was set, it was inevitable, but it wouldn’t be the future they decided for me, I would carve it out myself and my family would live long, happy lives.
‘Remus, may I have a word?’ Dumbledore poked his head around Remus’s door and as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have, Remus quickly rushed to tidy his things a little.
‘Dumbledore.’ Remus nodded, indicating the armchairs. ‘Of course.’
‘Guilty conscious?’ There was a twinkle in his blue eyes as he sat down that told Remus he was highly amused by the unwarranted reaction to the Headmaster in his office. Remus sighed and smiled slightly.
‘Tea?’
‘No thank you, I won’t be here long.’ Dumbledore looked into the fire for a moment. It was late and Remus had finished most of his marking of exams papers. He had wanted to bring something up with the Headmaster in the coming weeks anyway, but this might have been a good opportunity as well. Remus sat down and threw one leg over the other, getting comfortable to hear whatever he wanted to say. ‘Have you heard from Angie recently?’ Remus frowned. ‘I have a suspicion the Minister will want to speak with you again soon. I appreciate that her location and the real reason why she is in Tibet will need to be kept secret, but I’m afraid there is only so much we can do until decisions must be made.’
Remus froze for a moment. There was no possible way that he could know about Angelina’s real reason for going to Tibet, he couldn’t have known about the Lockwood history and he could not have known about what she was trying to achieve. But then again, he was Albus Dumbledore, there was no telling what he did and did not really know.
‘What kind of decisions?’ Remus played it safe, only to see that Dumbledore smiled, seeing straight through his façade.
‘I admire the display of loyalty,’ he said. ‘But there really is no need to protect her secrets from me. I remember the day that George and Anna found each other, much like Lily and James, the two did not see eye to eye for the longest time. As a boy George was always quick to anger, never satisfied with what he had, a craving to learn more about dark magic, old magic… blood magic.’ Dumbledore sat back and chuckled to himself. ‘I once caught him out of bed in what I believe was his fifth year of school, he was sitting in the middle of the restricted section reading dozens of books on werewolves, vampires, blood lines and it was clear that he was looking for something very specific. To this day, I still have no real idea of how he got in, but George was always resourceful, much like his children. I offered my help in whatever matter he deemed so important and saw that through all of his anger and frustration, he was also constantly fighting within himself, trying to find the right path. His parents were understandably worried when I wrote to them and they enclosed a secret with their reply, never to be told to anyone beyond the Lockwood family.’
‘The brothers.’ Remus breathed. Everything was suddenly a little clearer, all the time Dumbledore spent telling him to look after Angelina, telling him how special she was and he had no idea. The sound of Anna telling him that Angelina was the first daughter, sounded clearly in the back of his mind.
‘A story from over three thousand years ago, still affecting our children today.’ Dumbledore shook his head. ‘I had the displeasure of looking inside George’s mind once, only to be blocked by two vicious guardians, Romulus and Remus. I didn’t dare do the same with Darren and Angie for fear that I would see something similar, but I promised George that I would look after his children as best I could… I must confess that your appointment was not just because of your talents, I had wanted to see if your presence would bring about something in them, but it seems while they were completely unaffected… for the most part.’ Remus shifted uncomfortably and it only made Dumbledore smile.
‘What were you hoping would happen?’ Remus needed to know if he was simply an experiment.
‘In truth, I wasn’t sure.’ Dumbledore confessed. ‘I had no expectations, nor did I have the desire for them to turn against you, I simply wanted to know if they could be trusted around you. Darren often said how wonderful a teacher you are and of course Angie chose to help you instead of harm you, in fact the very thought of harming you caused her more distress than we anticipated.’
‘I remember.’ Remus stopped him there, he didn’t need to relive the months Angelina had spent nearly starving herself over the thought that she was hurting him.
Dumbledore nodded and took a small breath, finding his thoughts again. ‘I will return to the reason I am here. Have you heard from her recently?’
Remus nodded and sighed. ‘Yes, she wrote to me last night, I was in the middle of responding.’
‘Is she aware the minister is asking about her?’
It was a moment before Remus shook his head. ‘She has enough to deal with right now.’
‘That may be true, but she should be aware of the goings on concerning the safety of her family.’ Remus was about to interrupt. ‘I am unaware of the minister’s motives, but we should consider the possibility that he will want to use Angie for reasons we have not yet contemplated. I fear the events that unfolded at the end of the year will only attract his interest in keeping her close.’
‘I will tell her.’ Remus swallowed, thinking on what she had said about being asked to kill. ‘But not right now… she has completed the first Oracle test and it has… well, she’s extremely upset with it.’
‘The Oracles?’ Dumbledore leaned forward.
‘Yes, the ones she’s with in Tibet.’
‘Remus, will you pass on a message for me?’ Dumbledore wasn’t messing around. ‘Please tell her that the Oracles, while vastly intelligent and knowledgeable in all areas of magic, they will be training her to follow the inevitable path, one that they have foretold. It is possible, if she is strong enough, to carve out her own destiny. While there is hope, no one need die for no reason. Please tell her that, I feel she will need to be reminded of her options.’
‘You have experience of the Oracles?’ Remus frowned, why wouldn’t Dumbledore have told him that already?
‘No, but I have had experience of others who have spent time with them.’ The headmaster didn’t elaborate any further than that. ‘I will do everything I can to keep the minister from seeing you, but there will come a point where suspicion will grow and I will have no other option than to ask that you meet with him.’
‘I understand.’ Remus nodded, he felt a little frustrated at Dumbledore, why had he only chosen to divulge this information now? Did he not think it might have been useful to Angelina? ‘I will speak to Angelina and pass on your message, but given what her letter contained, she is following a similar line of thinking. She was put in an arena with a Quintaped and instead of killing it, she mended its broken foot and ran away, saving herself.’
‘That is good news.’ Dumbledore smiled gently. ‘In the meantime, how is David?’
‘He’s…’ Remus sighed. ‘He’s getting worse as we all anticipated, but he will be fine once Angelina has returned.’
‘I feel we are placing a lot of anticipation on her return.’
‘I don’t think it’s unwarranted.’ Remus said, firmly. ‘She has been an important part of nearly everyone’s life and adjusting to life without her when it is unnecessary is difficult.’ He hadn’t meant to be so short with Dumbledore, but he couldn’t help being protective of Angelina, especially when she wasn’t around to defend herself. ‘I wanted to speak with you about David actually. He has been released by the ministry and I wondered with Professor Kettleburn leaving us next year… I want to put him forward as a candidate for the job.’
Dumbledore sat back and observed the Dark Arts teacher for a moment. ‘If he recovers in time for the school year, I will consider his application.’ Dumbledore nodded and began getting up to leave, it appeared to be the end of the conversation. At least Remus had asked the question and at least David would have an option to return to the school he loved so much once he was out of hospital.
Angelina,
I’m not sure what to say other than trust your instincts, this isn’t Bulgaria, I can’t see what you see and help you assess, but if there is something telling you that need to call them into question, then I suggest you listen.
I wish I was there to hold you at night and I wish I could make everything better for you, but remember that you are there for a reason, you are making this sacrifice so that we can have the cottage beside the lake and I can read to you whenever you want me to. You are there so that we may have a life together, that’s what you always wanted and if there is one thing that you deserve in this life, it’s what you want.
The fact that you chose to save this creature, shows just how strong you really are. Remember the Triwizard tournament, you had no idea of what was ahead of you and you won anyway, you won and saved Fleur and Victor along the way. A lesser champion would have left them and went to find the cup on their own. You have never been less than anyone, your courage and intelligence have always been your strongest guides, never underestimate yourself when it comes to your skill.
Angelina, you are extraordinary, you are beautiful, you are everything I never thought I could have in life and I will never stop telling you that I love you with everything that I am. I would do anything for you.
Trust yourself and you will not go far wrong.
I love you and I miss you.
Yours always
Remus
It was difficult for me to read Remus’s reply and not burst into tears. He was right, he understood why I was there, I needed to have a normal life with him and I needed to tell him that I loved him. I had no right to die until I had.
I went out into the morning air and breathed in a lungful of the cool mountain air. It was time to train with the warriors. I pushed myself as hard as I could, stretching further and trying to see more, using my instinct to simply know it was there rather than forcing anything to happen. I could do this.