Lockwood Part 4

Yonten was right the tests would change with every choice I made, I spent weeks being called upon to take all matter of test and complete tasks that I never had any experience in, but I trusted myself to make the right choices. While there is hope, there is life.

The tests weren’t anything like I thought they would be, they weren’t simply obstacle courses or sparring with the more experienced warriors, they were much more complex than that. There was no objective given before I was told to enter into anything and I was beginning to understand why. War was chaos, it was unfair and choices made when in the middle of fighting were permanent as were the consequences of those choices.

I held my nerve after every test, enduring Wangchuk’s words of warning, but I would not kill and I would not be forced to harm if it wasn’t necessary. I hadn’t been given a test for nearly three weeks, but I was sure one was coming soon and I was sure it would be a big one.

Remus had been there every day, as promised and finally David was showing signs of getting better, he had even gone to visit his parents to give them an update on David’s behalf. Remus had felt very out of place in the muggle home, but they were welcoming all the same, asking him all sorts of questions about their son and his options. Remus did his best to answer.

‘You’re looking a little better.’ He smiled, sitting next to David’s bed while the young twenty-two-year-old trainer shook and dripped with sweat, at least the vomiting had subsided over the last few days.

‘I feel terrible.’ David stuttered.

‘Yes, well, Lily told me she found a little more than just Firewhiskey and butterbeer in your system.’ Remus tried not to sound so disappointed, but he was afraid David could hear it in his voice.

David’s hair stuck to his forehead and his dark eyes never left the ceiling, Remus could understand the pain of moving even just an inch.

‘It- it used to be so fun,’ he stuttered, his temperature clearly starting to drop as he shivered more violently than before. Remus placed a few blankets over his body and did his best to heat them up. ‘Angie and-and Jack, they used to get cases of-of butterbeer into the common room,’ David’s voice cracked and drifted from a whisper to almost a wail throughout his sentences and Remus’s heart felt a little heavier. ‘It was always a party with those two.’

‘I remember those nights when one of them was out of bed after curfew,’ Remus couldn’t help a small chuckle at the memories. ‘And the next day it seemed every Gryffindor above the age of fifteen was hungover.’

David let out a breath of a laugh, it was all he could muster in his weakened state. ‘I-I used to think it would be-be like that forever… I was an idiot.’

‘No, no you were never an idiot.’ Remus shook his head and removed a couple of the blankets as his temperature began rising again. ‘You were young and having the time of your life, there was no reason to think that it wouldn’t continue past school.’

Remus watched as his face began going red with the heat and wondered if he would need to call someone soon to help him.

‘Tell me Angie is coming home soon.’ David suddenly said and Remus couldn’t respond. ‘Remus, tell me she will be waiting for me as soon as I’m out of here.’ There was a certain amount of anger that was beginning to build up in David’s voice. ‘You don’t understand… hers was the first kind face my face saw. The first witch I ever met and she saw my parents, that they were muggles and she loved me anyway, told me not to be nervous and I can’t…’ It was clear that something was causing him to be in more pain than normal as his body lurched upwards from his chest, his head thrown back into the soaking pillow, Remus darted for the door.

‘Lily!’ He shouted and the red-headed Healer at the end of the corridor whipped her head around and sprinted up to the room with George only paces behind her. David screamed and thrashed around with the pain, but there was only so much the Healers could do.

‘We’ll have to give him something at this rate.’ George called over David’s screaming. It took both of them to hold David down while the pain passed.

‘We can’t, the detox won’t-‘

‘He’ll cause himself more damage if we don’t and none of us have any time to monitor him at all hours of the day.’ George argued, firmly.

‘I can.’ Remus suddenly said and stepped towards the bed. Both of the Healers turned to look at him and he was barely sure of what he was saying himself. ‘Poppy is just back from her holidays and I’ve got no reason to leave the school, he’ll be the only one there and we dealt with Angelina in the same way.’

David had begun to calm down and soon sleep was taking over. George and Lily had a silent conversation between them, before George caved in. He strode up to Remus and it was clear that he’d already had a bad day.

‘I’m not asking you to do this, Remus,’ he growled and it was the first time that Remus had been truly scared of what George could do. ‘You can discharge him, sign him out, do what you like with him, but I cannot ask you to shoulder anymore responsibility for Angie’s friends, you’ve done too much in her absence as it is.’

Without waiting for anyone to respond, the older Healer left the room to attend to another patient. Remus looked to Lily who was adjusting the blankets so that David was comfortable and watched her sigh.

‘If he can be monitored then I have no problem moving him to another facility.’ She said and finally looked up to where Remus was still standing by the door. ‘He calls for someone called Cassandra in his sleep, whoever she is, it might be worth trying to find her.’

‘Cassie is… was his girlfriend, fiancé I think,’ Remus took a careful step towards the bed. ‘I believe they broke up because of his drinking.’

‘Remus, he’s been doing more than just drinking,’ Lily said, much more gently this time. ‘He had all sorts of stimulants in his system, probably things he was trying to stop himself drinking too much, but it’s no surprise that the ministry let him go, if he had been randomly tested during a medical, then there’s a good chance they would have cause to search his office and his home for narcotics.’

‘Narcotics?’

‘They’re all gone from his system now, but his body is going through a lot of pain, he needs to be carefully monitored and given the chance to recover properly.’

‘Poppy can do that,’ Remus nodded. ‘It’s still another three weeks until the term starts up again and I asked Dumbledore about considering him for the Care of Magical creatures post… do you think he will be able to do that?’

Lily stood up straight and folded her arms. ‘I can’t say. If he is taken care of properly, no short cuts, then maybe there is a chance, but he’s going to have to start doing his bit.’

‘I’ll make sure he does.’ Remus assured Lily and took his seat again beside David’s bed so that he could be there when he woke up.

‘Why are you doing this, Remus?’ Lily suddenly asked. ‘George is right, you’ve already done more for him than anyone has asked, even he hasn’t asked for you help to this extent.’

‘David is an ex-student of mine, who just needs a little help adjusting to the magical-‘

‘Don’t give me that,’ she interrupted him. ‘Don’t give me the same rubbish you’re giving everyone else. Why are you helping him?’

Remus sighed and let his head hang a little lower. ‘Because, Angelina cannot come back and find that her friends have suffered without her, she needs to be able to focus without being burdened. She would do no less for you if I were away.’

Lily didn’t have any time to respond as she was called away, but Remus didn’t need her to, he knew exactly what she would say and it didn’t matter. As soon as Angelina was home, everything would be okay again.

There was still no sign of another test coming any time soon, but I never failed to make a training session, I meditated in my spare time, I sent letters and Patronuses to my family and friends, hoping that they were okay. I did my best to encourage Darren, to make sure he wasn’t suffering too badly, I sent as much information as I could on paper, but it was the magic I sent via Patronus that would help the most. I planted memories of the brothers in there for him to see, only what I thought I could safely send and I hoped he would understand what they meant.

Remus had written a long letter to tell me that David was in the hospital wing, he was suffering from withdrawal. My heart felt a little heavy when I thought about David, he was muggle-born and everything in the magical world was a little more overwhelming for him. Benji had warned me about his drinking and I should have done more before I left, he was one of my closest friends, he shouldn’t have been alone at a time like this.

I was at least glad that Remus was taking care of him, his expertise was probably more of what David needed anyway, but I should have been there to help him get through the worst, if Cassie had left him then I couldn’t think who else he would have who could see him at a moment’s notice.

I sat and watched the warriors sparring with each other in the training pit and prayed that I learnt whatever else it was I needed to learn so that I could go home to Remus and my family.

I thought about the coins and wondered why my mind turned to the thought of them, it was the same as another thought stuck in the back of my mind. The children. Jackson and Harper were my godchildren, but there was something about them being children that was forcing itself to the front of my mind. Something about the children, but what?

I tried meditating on the thoughts, tried going through every memory I had of when I was a child, the day that my father fought off death eaters who were looking for my mother was one I revisited more than once. Darren had been told to keep me safe, he did exactly that, he kept me hidden away in a cupboard while he watched dad fight off death eaters. I could never quite see my father, only ever hearing the fight he was putting up to keep his family safe, but something about that day was important. I sent it via Patronus to Darren who I hoped would find a little comfort in it the same way I did. If there really was a war coming then we would need all the comfort we could get.

I spent another two weeks just going through routine, trying to think about new ways of seeing things, but nothing new was coming to me, I’d felt like I’d reached my limit and there was nothing more I could do until the Oracles decided to teach me again.

Wangchuk and Pema would go through old tasks with me, but never really teaching me anything new, they just continued to go through the same words, same motions and nothing more. I hadn’t seen Yonten since the last test and I couldn’t help but think that there would be no more tests, there was no final and big mission for me, this was it.

‘Angie Lockwood.’ I turned to see all three Oracles standing behind me where I was meditating. Yonten had the deepest frown on and I wasn’t sure of what it was I’d done exactly, but it wasn’t good, none of them looked pleased. ‘The Seer has no more words to say, it is over.’

‘What does that mean? What seer?’ I stood up, brushing off the little dirt that had gotten onto my linen trousers.

‘Kunchen,’ Wangchuk said, there was a little sadness in is voice. ‘She is the one who saw you coming and she is the one who showed us what would happen.’

‘She can no longer see what is ahead,’ Yonten cut in. ‘Therefore, we can no longer prepare you. It is over.’

‘You had a Seer,’ I was still putting the pieces together. ‘You were training me for a future that she saw, not the one I’m working for.’

Yonten’s expression showed a flash of anger.

‘The Oracles have been training warriors for centuries, we have been the foundation for victory for those willing to seek answers.’ Yonten was warning me to be careful with what I said, but what was the point?

‘What answers? The answers? Or the answers from a future that might not happen?’

‘You are a child and you are foolish, we will not waste time on someone who cannot accept their fate.’ Yonten turned to Wangchuk who handed him my bag. He threw it into my arms along with my broom and grabbed the scruff of my shirt, marching me towards the entrance to the village. ‘Go home and live whatever life you think you have left. You will leave as you entered.’

I had no time to argue, I looked back to see both Pema and Wangchuk turning away from me. Yonten raised his staff and the second he did I was cast back into the harsh snow of Manaslu, my body was suddenly weak, starving, the cold penetrating my bones and all hope seemed lost. I fell into the freezing snow on the ground and for more than a moment I couldn’t move.

All of my energy was gone, my muscles hurt, even my skin stung against the cold winds, it was the dead of night and I was still wearing my linen trousers and shirt. Surely this was it, this was what death felt like. I never had the chance to tell Remus I loved him, never said goodbye to my brother, never even saw the end of suffering for werewolves, I had done nothing with my life and this was how it would end and no one would ever know.

Remus woke up feeling a little groggy, his body was rigid and a certain amount of misery sat in his chest. He slowly got dressed and headed down to the hospital wing with an application form for David. They had been filling it out little by little over the past week while he was a little more conscious and able to understand what Remus was asking him.

He slumped into the chair next to David’s bed and opened his book, reading through small passages and marking a few things in the margins. David was still sleeping and if he stuck to his normal routine, he wouldn’t wake for another hour, at least Remus would be able to get some reading done in that time.

‘Oh you’re up?’ Poppy smiled, seeing Remus. ‘He’s had a hard night.’ It looked as though she had as well. ‘But hopefully another day or two and he’ll be okay.’

‘That soon?’ Remus turned to face her properly.

Poppy sighed and gave a sympathetic smile. ‘He was calling for Cassandra again, an hour or so after that, his fever began dropping.’ She didn’t say anymore, instead she just wandered away to her office.

Remus looked over at David, he didn’t look as pale as he once did, his body was only shaking very slightly and she was right, his fever looked to be subsiding. Remus let out a sigh of relief, he would be okay.

Mr and Mrs Wales,

I’m pleased to say that your son David has made a drastic improvement over the night and while he is by no means fully recovered, this is a very good sign.

If you would like me to visit again, I will of course arrange to do so and explain anything I can.

While I have no other news on your son other than he is recovering quickly, I hope you are doing well. I will ask him to write to you as soon as he can.

Sincerely

Professor Remus Lupin

Remus had hoped that his letters to David’s parents provided some comfort, but honestly he wasn’t sure if they did any good at all, he didn’t know what it was he was supposed to do other than keep them updated. The brief thought that he never would have made it as a Healer drifted through his mind, he wouldn’t have been able to deal with the stress or the loss of patients.

It was just as he sat back down that David began waking up a little. It was still a struggle to do anything for him, but at least he was able to do things a little more independently.

‘Poppy?’ Remus called gently and soon the matron came rushing over. They both helped him to sit up to make it easier for him to wake up properly.

‘David, how are you feeling?’ Poppy asked and all he could do was nod in response, she went back to her office to grab him some sort of potion to keep his strength up. It seemed his mind was a little preoccupied and Remus recognised that look anywhere, he sat back in his chair half smiling at David.

‘What?’ It took more energy than David anticipated to say the word.

‘Cassie on your mind?’ Remus threw one leg over the other and observed David as his brow furrowed slightly. ‘Like looking in a mirror.’ Remus explained.

Poppy came back with something that smelt vaguely like a pepperup potion. ‘Right, here we are, drink this.’ She ordered and David downed it without fuss. Poppy then went about checking his eyes, his temperature, his chest and asking him the routine questions to see if he really was okay. ‘Right another day or two and you’ll be back to normal.’ She said and wandered away again.

‘You alright?’ Remus asked, still watching David.

‘Fine.’ The young man nodded. Remus decided not to press him and instead picked up the book he had been reading before David woke up. ‘Can we finish it? The application?’

Remus observed him for a moment, there was a newfound determination around David, he swapped his book for the application and got comfortable as they went through the remaining questions and requirements.

‘I couldn’t recall all of your results,’ Remus scribbled in an ‘O’ for Care of Magical Creatures. ‘Herbology and Potions?’

‘Outstanding for everything except Transfiguration, I only got Exceeds Expectations for that.’ David leaned back against his pillow and sighed as Remus finished scribbling in his impressive results.

‘Exceeds Expectations is still an impressive result.’ Remus tried to encourage him. ‘What’s on your mind?’

David didn’t speak for a moment or two and Remus began filling in his recommendation letter to support David’s application. He tried to be fair and truthful, knowing that if he simply said how wonderful David was, it would probably be discarded.

‘I’ve been thinking about Cassandra,’ he finally said and Remus simply listened, still writing his letter. ‘She didn’t believe me last time when I told her that things would be better. I need to prove it.’

‘How are you going to do that?’ Remus knew that David was talking sense at least.

‘I don’t know yet,’ he confessed. ‘How did you prove the Angie that you were good enough?’

Remus let out a bark-like laugh. ‘Sorry,’ he said, still chuckling. ‘I still haven’t proven it.’ Remus signed his name at the bottom of the application and turned to find where he’d put the enveloped. ‘I have a student, Nathan Haywood, at the beginning of the year, he made a show of asking out his girlfriend, Millie Foster, in one of my classes. It was the last day I saw Angelina before she left and during the spectacle Nathan asked me something similar. I’ll tell you the same thing I told him, hard work, commitment, patience and a sense of humour are the only things I’ve found to work in my favour.’ Remus folded the lid of the envelope and smiled at David. ‘Would you like me to take this to Professor Dumbledore now or later?’

It was a moment before David answered. ‘As soon as possible.’ Remus nodded and stood up to head to Dumbledore’s office. ‘Remus?’ He turned back. ‘Do you think I can do this?’

Remus wasn’t sure if David was talking about the job or something else, but his answer probably wouldn’t have been different. ‘I think if you work for it, you can do it.’ He left David to think on his words and allowed his mind to wander to thoughts of Angelina and whether he really was enough for her.