Lockwood Part 4

Remus had been keeping a much closer eye on Harry and had sent James and Lily daily letters to let them know he was fine after they visited the hospital wing. He wasn’t sure of what Dumbledore had planned to do about the situation and the potential return of Voldemort, but he would do his part when required.

‘Sir?’

Remus looked up to see Nathan at his office door. It was the last day of term before everyone went home for the holidays and Remus didn’t bother with his usual suited and booted look, instead he opted for his casual loose, untucked shirt and trousers. It seemed to take Nathan by surprise as well. Remus suddenly did up one of his buttons that revealed a scar he’d almost forgotten about, and half tucked in his shirt.

‘Sorry, in all my tidying, I forgot I’d sent for you.’ Remus chuckled, explaining the state of himself and his office. ‘I just wondered if I might have a quick word over tea?’

‘Sure.’ Nathan shrugged his denim jacket off and took a seat in one of Remus’s armchairs. It was strange to see the sixth year without his school robes on, but Remus rather thought he suited the dark skinny jeans and tight t-shirt look he had. Nathan had really grown into himself over the year and Remus had a good feeling that it was all to do with Millie Foster, his girlfriend.

‘How has the year been for you? Educational, I hope?’ Remus asked as he prepared Nathan a cup of tea, but it seemed the young man’s attention lay elsewhere. ‘You alright?’

‘Hm? Sorry, sir, I’m fine.’ Nathan smiled and his dark eyes tried to meet Remus, but didn’t quite make it before flickering off to the side.

‘You sure? You look as if there’s something else on your mind?’ Remus sat and handed him a steaming cup of tea.

Nathan hesitated for a moment before rummaging around in his jacket to find a photograph, handing it to Remus. ‘Millie and I went out for dinner last weekend and Penelope had her camera, so she took this for us.’ Remus looked down and the picture which was Nathan wearing the same skinny jeans and denim jacket, but with a white shirt and converse, and Millie wearing denim shorts with black tights and a long-sleeved, red crop top, she wore thin round glasses, much like Harry’s and her blonde, hair was up in a messy bun. They were hardly doing anything, just sitting laughing with each other in the Three Broomsticks. ‘I know it’s not appropriate for you to say, but… don’t you think we look right?’

Remus observed the picture for a little longer and had to admit to himself, they did look right together.

‘You both look very happy.’ Remus handed it back to him and watched Nathan smile down at the photograph. ‘I take it you two have been… well, how to put it.’ Remus chuckled.

‘I told her I loved her at Christmas,’ the young Gryffindor suddenly said. ‘She said I was an idiot for waiting so long to say it.’ Remus gave a small chuckle at that. ‘I hate that I didn’t say it after that class at the start of the year.’ Nathan eventually put the photograph away. ‘Sorry, I just… the guys get bored of me talking about her.’

‘That’s quite alright,’ Remus held his hand up. ‘I don’t mind hearing about how happy my students are. However, there is a reason I asked you here today.’

‘Yeah, sorry, I was walking Millie to the lake to see her friends, so I couldn’t make it up straight away.’ He rubbed the back of his neck a little bashfully.

‘No need to apologise, but I’ll try and keep this short.’ Remus sipped his tea and reached for an application on his desk. ‘Your grades have been consistent over the year, a little falter before Christmas, but everything eventually got back on track and I anticipate good results from your exams, so I took the liberty of sending a letter to George Lockwood, Angelina’s father. He’s a Healer at St Mungo’s and I let him know of your interests in becoming a Healer, that is if you are still interested?’

‘Yeah, absolutely!’ Nathan leaned forward to see the paper Remus had.

‘In that case, this is an application for a part time internship at St Mungo’s for next year, George is very willing to work to your class schedule and have you at the hospital when time permits. I’m afraid I couldn’t pull as many strings for Millie in the Aurors department, but I can send a few letters of interest on her behalf, will you ask her to let me know if she would like that?’ Remus handed him the application and Nathan’s jaw nearly dropped.

‘You seriously did this for me?’ He breathed.

‘You’re a fine student, I feel sure you would have done well on your own, but it never hurts to lend a hand now and again.’ Remus nodded and watched him examining the application. ‘I also informed George of your particular interest in Lockwood’s Wolfsbane, I’m sure if you speak with him yourself he will be happy to share a few things with you on the matter.’

It took a moment or two for Nathan to comprehend what was happening.

‘Thank you so much.’ His voice was barely above a whisper. ‘If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you-‘

‘Nathan, there really is no need.’ Remus smiled interrupting him. ‘All I ask is that you work hard during your last year of school and be happy. Of course, my door will always be open if you need anything else.’ Nathan nodded, but again his attention was elsewhere. ‘Are you sure there isn’t anything else on your mind? I won’t force you to say anything if you don’t want to, but you just seem a little distracted.’

Eventually Nathan carefully folded the application and tucked it away in his jacket pocket, he sat for a moment or two sipping his tea and thought about something that looked important. ‘Can I ask you a question? But you have to promise not to laugh or judge or tell me I’m ridiculous.’

‘I will try my best.’ Remus nodded, throwing one leg over the other and waiting for him to speak.

‘I don’t know, it sort of feels like… things are a bit… delicate.’ Nathan started and it made Remus frown, but he continued to listen anyway. ‘Like there are things that need to be done and said soon, but finding the right time… I mean the right moment…’ he suddenly stopped speaking and Remus decided that he might have needed to change his approach.

‘Can I suggest you stop thinking of me as your teacher for a moment? Often the boundaries set in place here can be slightly obstructive when speaking on delicate matters.’ Remus suggested and Nathan thought for a moment. ‘The school year is over Nathan, for the next six weeks I’m not your Professor and as much as I’m sure I’ll regret saying this, there are no inappropriate questions.’

Nathan nodded with a small smile and ran his hand through his messy dark hair, it had gotten a little long since Easter, but it suited his handsome features and his bulky body quite well, he reminded Remus of some kind of teen heartthrob.

‘Okay, so you probably knew this already being your girlfriend and all,’ Nathan found a new wave of confidence that had Remus sighing internally. ‘But I just wanted to ask if you remember the moment you decided that Angelina was the one? I mean, was it clear for a second or did it happen over time?’

Remus thought for a moment, Nathan had yet to give away any of his secrets and had never shown any malice towards him, he was just a boy trying to find his way.

‘Well, you’re of age, an adult and I did just say that there are no inappropriate questions,’ Remus reasoned out loud. ‘I knew Angelina was the woman I couldn’t bare to be without while we were in Reykjavik. It was just a weekend away, but the days I spent with her were the best I’d ever had. Everything was just clearer, calmer and… right.’

Nathan clearly wanted to ask more about Reykjavik, but thought better of it, instead he turned his attention to his question. ‘Do you think it’s stupid that I’m already thinking about asking Millie to marry me? I’m not going to ask her right away, but I’m hoping by the end of seventh year we’ll be engaged… I just… ever since first year, I always liked her and then the end of fifth year came and I realised that I really didn’t want to go home knowing that I wouldn’t see her for the summer. Then I saw Angelina and you together and I… I wanted that with Millie. Is that pathetic?’

‘No.’ Remus smiled. ‘What I have with Angelina is more than I ever thought I deserved, I want everyone to have what I have, to feel as lucky as I do.’

The two men sat for a moment, thinking on the women they loved.

‘So, you going to tell me how you managed to get her to say yes to you?’ Nathan broke the silence, making Remus laugh. ‘No offense, but she is a bit out of your league. Don’t get me wrong, I know a decent looking bloke when I see one, but she is something else.’

Remus sipped his tea to stop himself laughing. ‘She is very beautiful, but no, I will not divulge those details to you just yet.’

‘Was it as public as mine?’

‘No, nowhere near. Angelina isn’t the type to put her feelings on show like that. She always loved to showboat when she could, but it was never with anything important, mostly entertaining the first years out in the court yard.’ Remus smiled.

‘I think I remember that. So, she’s the quiet romantic type? I see.’ Nathan teased Remus. ‘And obviously you’re the brooding, observant type, so I see how you get along so well.’

‘Brooding?’ Remus cringed.

‘Something Penelope said at breakfast once,’ Nathan brushed the comment aside. ‘She has the biggest crush on you, I think she hates Angelina a bit because of it.’ Nathan shook his head, making it obvious how silly he thought it was.

‘I’m not sure I like hearing that.’ Remus frowned. ‘But I was aware of her… well, I am aware.’

‘Can I ask another quick question before I go?’ Nathan checked his watch and Remus indicated for him to ask away. ‘Did you know that Angelina… I’m suddenly realising that this might not be my place to say, but did you know that she fancied when she was in school? It’s weird because she mentions some stuff in her journals about her feelings, but it’s all a bit… I don’t know, mechanical, like she didn’t really have the right words for what she was feeling.’

Remus stopped sipping his tea and stared at Nathan. ‘What do you mean?’ He asked, placing his teacup down.

‘Well, I can give you the journals back and you can see for yourself, but she says something about listening to the story of how you were bitten and its kind of… well, it’s sad. She talks about wanting to take care of you and how she was a bit scared that no one ever had. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have read it and I should have given it back as soon as I did.’ Nathan suddenly panicked over the appropriateness of the conversation.

Remus shook his head. ‘You were right to bring it up. Would you mind bringing the journals so I could see for myself? I never read any of them, I was there so I didn’t think it necessary.’

‘Yeah, of course.’

Nathan had eventually brought Remus the journals and he spent the rest of the day reading through some of the passages Nathan had mentioned. He was right, there was already signs that Angelina had growing feelings for him at fifteen, but she never seemed able to recognise them properly.

Remus sighed and leaned back in his chair, he wasn’t sure what to do, this wasn’t exactly a problem, but it was something that needed to be discussed with Angelina, did she know she had written these things? Did she know what they meant? How did Remus feel about the whole thing? There was only one person who could have given him any comfort at that moment, but she was currently moving into her new home on the coast. Clara Wells, soon to be Clara Lockwood. He decided to wait until she was settled in before asking to meet with her and with Darren not sleeping very well in recent times, everything was becoming a bit of a burden.

Remus,

I can’t come back for the anniversary, please go for me and tell everyone that I’m sorry. Jack would understand why I wasn’t there and that’s all that matters. Tell everyone how much I miss them, but I’ll be home soon and I’ll visit as soon as I am.

I suppose Harper and Jackson are getting big now? I’m sorry that I’m missing them grow up, but in a way I suppose I’m doing this for them as well. I can’t explain it right now, but it’s something about the children, it’s a thought stuck in the back of my mind, but I’ve been told not to ignore it. “Often things that linger so close to the surface, do so because of their desire to be seen and examined.” Yonten said that to me, I think it’s his way of say “don’t bottle things up”.

I hope you are well, I can’t apologise enough for being away from you for so long, I honestly thought it would only be until Christmas and now you must be getting ready for the holidays, some woman I am for letting you wait all this time.

I’ll be home when I can. I miss you.

Yours always

Angelina

Pema could see that this was getting to me, the loss of Jack weighed a little heavier two years on, I wondered what my life could have been if he had survived. What if I had known the things I know now? Could I have saved him? Would he still be working at St Mungo’s? Would he have found someone else by now? Would we have found the cure for Lycanthropy yet?

‘Dwelling swells the heart you know?’ Pema said kindly. We were replanting a few bushes around the temple and I couldn’t help but smile at her kind face.

‘Jack was my best friend,’ I said, getting on with my task, not caring that my fingers were aching. ‘Ever since first year, I met him on the boat we took to the castle, I’d never met anyone as outspoken as him before, his confidence was through the roof. It never died down either, never wavered and he was always up for a good time and always helped me come out my shell a bit. We used to put on these flashy shows in the courtyard, truthfully we were just trying to impress the first years,’ I laughed. ‘But I never felt happier than the times when we were just hanging out, talking about nothing and teasing each other about one thing or another… I miss him.’

Pema didn’t say anything, she probably knew all about Jack just from looking at me, but she would never see his grey eyes like I did, never see them as the life faded away or his handsome face under the rubble. I hated that it was the last thing I remembered about Jack Rathborne, but it was a reminder that he was a hero and no one could say otherwise. He defeated a dark wizard, he fought bravely, he even smiled when it looked like we could win. But I would never see that smile again and it killed me that I felt responsible for that.

I looked through a few old photos that night, I only had one of each of my friends, the one of Jack was from the day we were in the papers just before fifth year, the year we created Lockwood’s Wolfsbane. His smile seemed somehow brighter than anyone else’s, like he was the proudest out of any of us and maybe he was. For me, it was just a summer project, for the werewolves it was a way of survival, but for Jack it would be his greatest achievement. I wondered if he had any idea that in five years his life would end. I wondered what would happen in the next five years and if he had plans that he never saw through.

The summer came in quicker than I expected, but as always, the weather hardly changed in the village and I simply continued to train hard. I was beginning to be able to identify simple pieces of magic surrounding people, just things like whether it was dark, blood, ancient, complex, every day or even none of the above. Nothing was too specific just yet and I really had to focus in order to see these things, but I was getting there and I knew Tenzin would be proud.

‘When are you going to tell me more about the tests?’ I asked Wangchuk during one of our weapons training mornings, he kept reminding me not to get distracted while I was fighting, but I had done well up to that point in being able to multi-task.

‘Keep your focus, I won’t make this easy for you.’ Wangchuk gave a slightly cheeky smile and I knew he was about to fake me out before swiping under my leg. To my surprise that wasn’t what happened, he didn’t fake me out, he just hit my arm hard, making me drop my staff.

‘Ouch, hey!’ I rubbed the sore skin and frowned at him.

‘Your opponents may try to deceive you in what they are planning if you do not deal with them quickly.’ Wangchuk picked up my staff and looked down at me. ‘The longer a fight goes on, the longer your opponent has to figure out your tactics, do not let that happen, instead trust your instincts and bring them down.’

He threw the staff back to me and we trained throughout the day, I didn’t ask about the tests again and he didn’t bring it up, I was too worried he’d hit me harder the next time. It was a lot of effort on my part to keep up the concentration with Wangchuk, but he just laughed and agreed, telling me that it was kind of the point of all this. I had to keep reminding myself that it was all about focus, what I could and could not focus on would decide the outcome of each choice.

I suddenly stopped on my way back to my room, Wangchuk turned to look at me and his eyes suddenly widened.

‘Well that is a lot of thoughts all at once.’ He laughed, he was referring to the fact that I had just reached a conclusion in my head, before it was suddenly whisked away in the crowd of other questions.

‘I just had it,’ I said, quietly. ‘It was right there, I was so close. What was it?’

Wangchuk took a step towards me and looked at me. ‘Well, is it something to do with coins?’

‘Coins.’ I frowned, before the conclusion came barrelling back. ‘Yes! Yes, that was it. The coins, I’ve seen them in Tenzin’s books and in the brother’s memories. I can’t remember what it said, I’ll have to look at it again, but it’s important. I need to find one.’

‘Well, okay, good luck.’ Wangchuk smiled and laughed a little when I frowned at him. ‘Your mission Angie, not mine.’ I should have known better than to think he would help me. Wangchuk wandered away chuckling to himself and I rolled me eyes, heading back to my room for sleep. I had the distinct impression that I was being watched very closely by someone in the temple, but I didn’t dare look up.

I thought about the coins I had seen in the brother’s memories, the ones he pocketed just before they retrieved a box from the cottage. I’d seen those same coins in one of Tenzin’s books, they behaved sort of like portkeys, but could be used to call someone to your location. What would the brothers want with something like that?

‘Right, you can see this as well,’ I sighed looking at the book. It was the middle of the night and I knew I should have been sleeping, but if the brother could help then maybe it was worth it. ‘What do you know?’

‘I didn’t use them.’ He coughed, he was getting weaker every day, I could feel it. ‘I never knew what they did, just that they had magical properties I thought I could use to help my mother.’

‘Help her how?’

‘She was sick, her body was failing her, we tried everything.’ The brother coughed a little more violently. ‘I thought I could heal her body by taking away the sickness.’

‘Extracting it and sending it somewhere else?’

‘We were boys, we didn’t know.’

‘Well, what did you do with them?’

‘We left them in the cave, sealed it when she was strong enough to leave, they’re probably still there if you’re looking.’

I sighed and thought about the young brothers, fifteen years old and all they wanted was to save their mother. It was sad and it made me feel for them, none of this was because of hate, it was all for love and it terrified me.

Remus kept his promise, he went to the gathering at Jocelyne and Benji’s house to pay his respects to Jack and was hardly surprised to find that there were a lot of people there. Benji had Harper on his hip and another man Remus didn’t recognise was playing with Jackson.

‘Remus.’ Jocelyne greeted him with a kiss to his cheek. She was getting more beautiful by the day, her light blonde hair curling around her pretty features and her big bright eyes looking at him with love. ‘I’m glad you could make it.’ Jocelyne gestured towards the back of the house where a small gathering was taking place. Their garden was gorgeous, it was clean cut, modern and had only a few key pieces to make it their own.

To Remus’s surprise, Harper began pointing and laughing at him, getting very excited at his presence. Remus went over to Benji immediately, who was talking to a few aurors that he just about recognised.

‘Well, well, well, here he is, Harper. You happy now?’ Benji smiled at his daughter and kissed her head letting her reach out to hug Remus.

‘Good to see you Benji.’ Remus nodded, before giving in and taking Harper from her father. She wrapped her small hands around him and began giggling. ‘Hello Harper, how are we today?’

‘Both of them were getting a bit anxious waiting for you to arrive.’

‘Oh really?’ Remus smiled, holding Harper’s hand and letting her entertain herself for a while. ‘I have a feeling you’re using me for my tricks.’ He joked and once again she giggled, hiding her face in his shoulder. ‘That’s what I thought.’ Remus laughed and Benji couldn’t stop smiling at them both.

‘I’ll catch up with you in a bit.’ Benji said to the three aurors he had been talking with and led Remus over to where Jackson was still playing with a man Remus didn’t recognise. He picked up his son and went back into the house. ‘I think my children are beginning to love you.’

‘I’m sure they’ll grow out of it.’ Remus retorted, again letting Harper play with his hand in whatever way she found most amusing.

Benji opened the fridge and brought out a butterbeer for Remus and a chocolate frog for the twins to share.

‘Remus, don’t take this the wrong way, because I don’t mean it the way it’ll probably come out,’ Benji started, helping Jackson eat without getting too messy. ‘But I want these two to grow up in the best possible conditions.’ Remus could feel his heart sinking as Benji spoke, but understanding began creeping in, he knew that his relationship with the twins couldn’t last. ‘I just wanted to ask what the Potters did about your condition and Harry?’

Benji sat down, indicating Remus should join him. Remus felt himself getting nervous and a deep sadness washing over him. He adjusted Harper to sit more comfortably on his lap while she ate her chocolate and tried to absorb how nice it felt to be unconditionally loved by a child the way Harper and Jackson did.

‘If it makes it any easier for you both I can extract myself completely until they both make it to Hogwarts.’ Remus sighed, trying to smile. ‘I understand your concerns and I appreciate that you have a family to look after. I would never try to disrupt that with my condition.’

Benji looked at him blankly for a moment. ‘Remus, I was asking how they brought it up and taught him to think of you the same as everyone else? We don’t want you to leave our children, if anything we’d rather you were here more often given that they’re getting to that age where they’re exploring on their own a bit too much.’ Benji half laughed and shook his head. ‘Jocelyne and I were talking the other night, mostly about the things we want them to have and we realised that it might mean we need to ask for a little help. Neither of us grew up with parents reminding us that people like you are people too, we want to make sure they do. I drew the short straw in asking if you had any tips.’ Benji shrugged and wiped his son’s face.

Remus wasn’t sure what to say, he had never really been approached with this type of request before, and he had never considered the idea that with Benji and Jocelyne being Angelina’s best friends, that they would be more encouraging than the average family.

‘I-erm-I… to be honest,’ Remus chuckled. ‘James and Lily never asked for my help in the matter.’ He rubbed his neck and began making shapes for Harper to play with. ‘I suppose when they are old enough, reminding them that people like me are still dangerous no matter how much wolfsbane I drink, I will still be what I am… but I will try to visit more often if that is something that will help?’

‘Absolutely.’ Benji nodded. ‘We would love to have you here more often, just make sure you bring Angie when you can, they need to know who their godmother is.’

‘I’ll do my best.’ Remus assured him.

Remus spent most of the time playing with Jackson and Harper, letting them play with the shapes he made, he didn’t mind that he was the one left with that responsibility, in fact, he preferred to give everyone else the space to grieve for a while.

‘…and how are my two favourite godchildren?’ David said excitedly and hugged both of the young redheads with all the love he could muster, before sitting on the living room floor with them and Remus. He noticed that David didn’t exactly look the way he did the last time the two were in the same room, he looked like he’d lost a little weight and sleep had made a conscious effort to stay away from him. David actively avoided eye contact with Remus while he played with the children for a bit, letting them get over the excitement of him arriving.

‘How are you David?’ Remus asked, not wanting to mess around. ‘You look like you’ve seen better days.’

David’s dark eyes shot up and met with Remus’s, they were bloodshot and fear sat in the centre for all to see. ‘I’m fine.’ David shook his head.

‘Okay, but I would point out that if I’m the one saying you’ve seen better days, then something must be out of place.’ Remus pushed a little to see if David would crack at all. ‘I’m just making sure you really are okay.’

David didn’t answer, he just carried on playing with the children, it was only when Jackson was handing him a toy that Remus noticed David’s bruised and shaking hands. Remus knew exactly what was wrong and his heart grew heavy for the young man.

‘Do you remember in your seventh year when Angelina was in hospital being treated for withdrawal?’ Remus asked, David tried not to pay any attention to him. ‘She spent a month in cold sweats, shaking, vomiting, losing consciousness and much worse, all of it because she had been taking the dreamless sleep more regularly than she should have done.’ David slowed his movements, still entertaining his godchildren. ‘I went to see her every day, because she needed someone to be by her bedside, someone who might have known what it was she was going through and to answer questions if she had them. She didn’t need to ask me to help, I did it because it was the right thing to do.’

‘You did it because you loved her.’ David mumbled, miserably.

‘Yes, but not in the way I do now. I loved her because she was my friend… as are you.’ Remus finally got David to look him in the eye again. ‘How many people do you know that can relate to what you’re going through?’

‘You don’t know what I’m going through.’

‘No?’ Remus let Harper climb onto his lap again and rest against his chest, while he stretched his legs, leaning back against the sofa. ‘You don’t think I know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night shaking, soaking in sweat and in need of anything that will calm the nerves? Or what it’s like to think that there’s no one in the world who could possibly care about me? Or what it’s like to think that I don’t deserve simple kindness because of what I am?’

David just watched Remus for a moment as Harper began falling asleep against him, it was getting late and it was well past their bed time.

‘I… Cassandra’s gone.’ David’s dark eyes started to fill with water as he looked at Remus. ‘I was asked to leave the ministry… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.’

Remus didn’t hesitate, he scooped up both Harper and Jackson and indicated to Benji that they needed to be put to bed. Benji led the way and once Remus had put them down, their father got them changed and ready to sleep. ‘I’ll be taking David to St Mungo’s, he’s not well.’ Remus quickly explained.

‘Is he alright?’

‘He will be. Trust me when I say that this is the best thing for him right now.’ Remus smiled and squeezed Benji’s shoulder gently. He went back to find David already up and putting his jacket on, they left saying their goodbyes to Jocelyne and Remus stopped at the end of the road. ‘David, this will not be easy and it will not be pleasant, but as soon as it’s over we can start to look at putting things right again.’ David nodded, fighting his tears back. ‘You need to understand that I can only do so much, you have to want this.’

They apparated straight to St Mungo’s and Remus asked for Lily knowing that she was working that evening.

‘Remus?’ She frowned. ‘Everything alright?’

Remus put his hand on David’s shoulder, with a questioning look in his eye.

‘I… I’m here for your help.’ David’s voice was small and Remus could sympathise with him, asking for help was a difficult task for him.

‘Well alright then,’ Lily smiled and slipped into Healer mode. ‘Let’s find you a bed and see what we’re working with.’

Lily did her job as well as she could, reminding him that it would be a long and difficult few days, it would get worse before it got better, but he would be under constant monitoring to make sure he recovered properly. Remus promised he would come back every day to check on him and even offered to keep an eye on his house while David was away. He could do this for Angelina.