Golden Years

“Oh my fucking god this is batshit crazy holy Merlin you’re so fucking stupid.”

“James that’s the furthest thing from being helpful,” Dorcas glared.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… wow.”

“Yep.”

“You kissed her.”

“Yep.

“She kissed you back.”

“Yep.”

“You made out in a broom closet for like an hour.”

“Yep.”

“And you’re not fucking dating?” James exploded, banging his hand on the counter beside him. “What the entire flip flying fuck, Meadowes?”

“Keep your voice down!” Dorcas hissed.

“We’re in the fucking kitchens, Dorcas, no one else is here. Not even Evans, because for some reason-“

“She’s Marlene’s best friend! That comes first to her, and I can’t risk-“

“What? Marlene finding out you want something more than making out in a closet?”

“Yes!” Dorcas cried. “Look, we talked about it afterwards, ok? She’s just bored, and I was there, and it was easy. She’s not looking for anything serious. We’re just….gonna keep doing this, you know? If one of us is bored, or something. It’s not gonna be something big.”

“Then why are you still going after her? If you know she doesn’t want anything serious?” James asked.

“Having her like this is less painful than not having her at all,” Dorcas answered. “At least for now it is. The second it isn’t, I’ll break it off, I swear.”

“Or, consider this: you tell her you want to actually date her.”

“Ha! No way in hell.”

“Dorcaaaaaas,” James whined. “Just ask her out.”

“Nope. No way.”

“Why the fuck not, Cas? What do you have to lose?”

“A fair amount of decent things. Like the fact that I know she wears strawberry chapstick and her waist fits my hands perfectly ad that when she kisses someone, she does it like she can’t imagine stopping. So no, I won’t be telling her I want more, because I’ve already gotten more than I ever expected to.”

“But you could have the dumb couple stuff too!” James responded.

“What could I gain that would be worth the risk?” Dorcas asked.

“Going on dates, holding hands, I don’t know, whatever couples do!”

“Sounds pointless.”

“But it could be incredible! I mean, if I had half a chance with Lily, I’d take it.”

“Wait, you like Lily? Like you’re still really in to her?”

“What- I- no, I just- that’s not the point right now!”

“Well then, we’re changing the fucking subject. You really like her?”

“I’ll tell you when you tell me if you copped a feel.”

“What the fuck, James.”

“Yeah, that was a bit much, sorry,” James said apologetically. “But I will need more details. Was it like a can’t-fight-the-sexual-tension type thing, or was it more of a wow-I-really-like-you-and-you-look-so-good-right-now-and-I-can’t-hold-back-anymore kind of kiss?”

“God, why did I even tell you about this?” Dorcas said exasperatedly.

“Because you were doing the whole gay panic thing and you needed help.”

“Did I fucking ask James?”

“You just did, you overgrown cowardly potato.”

“Excuse fucking moi?”

“You heard me- no, not the hair, not the hair! It’s my most valuable possession!”

“Tell me if you’re really still in to Lily!”

“Go to the ninth circle of hell!”

“I’ll see you there!”

“I’ll be the one who fucking sent you- ow, hexes aren’t fair!”

——————————————————————————————

“Marlene, what the entire shit did you fucking do.”

“Judgement later, advice now. How do I handle this?”

“Oh no you’re definitely getting both at once,” Sirius said. “Lily, can I do the judgement part?”

“No, I wanted judgement!” Lily whined. “No fair.”

“Totally fair. Your advice is better than mine anyway.”

“Yeah but I wanted to do the judging stare, I’ve improved it-“

“Guys!” Lily and Sirius both turned their attention back to Marlene, who looked about ready to jump into the fireplace. “Can we get back to the topic at hand?”

“No,” they both answered in unison, grinning at each other when they did so.

“Ugh, you guys suck,” Marlene said, draping herself over their laps. “First you take the couch and now you’re just being whores.”

“Wow. This is a lot of rudeness from someone who asked us to stay up until 2 a.m. with them.”

“Fuck off, Lily.”

“Mmm, no, but you could go fuck Dorcas,” Sirius replied. Marlene choked on air and fell off their laps, coughing violently on her way down.

“Well that certainly got quite the reaction. Makes me think that perhaps our darling Marlene has thought of doing that very thing,” Lily said.

“Mhm. You know, I think you may just be right, dearest Lily,” Sirius responded.

“Both of you… can go to hell,” Marlene choked out in between her loud coughs.

“Of course we will sweetheart, it’s practically my birthright. An ascension to the throne, of sorts,” Sirius answered. “But come on. You actually want to talk about this?”

“I, uh, yeah, I do.”

“Good. Ask her out.”

“Yeah right. Good joke, Sirius. But this is for real and helpful suggestions only.”

“That was a real suggestion bitch.”

“No the fuck it wasn’t!”

“Yes the fuck it was!” Lily broke in. “Marlene. You’re head over heels for this girl, you can’t deny that. You’ve been pining since the end of fifth year, and you haven’t done shit about it. And now, you know for sure that she’s attracted to you, so you should fucking ask her out.”

“Fuck no.”

“Fuck yes!”

“Ask her out or there will be no fucking at all!” Sirius screeched.

“What the hell, Sirius.”

“Yeah that was a bit much.”

“Whatever, bitch. Did I ask for your judgement? No.”

“Look, it’s not something serious, ok? We’re just having a bit of fun with each other, and that’s it,” Marlene said.

“But you want more than bit of fun?” Lily asked.

“God, how could I not? I wish I was ok with just this, but… I want all those shitty, dumb couple things. I wanna hold her hand and play with her hair, which is really soft by the way. I want to go on dates and dance with her and fucking take naps together cuddling on the couch. I wanna be able to kiss her, not just when we’re making out, but like, when she smiles or when she gets a good grade on a test or just because I fucking want to. All that sappy, annoying, sentimental stuff, I want that with her.”

“First of all, what a fucking nerd. Absolute loser. Second of all, ask her out, bitch,” Lily replied.

“No. No way. That’s not what she wants. She’s just looking for a bit of fun on the side while she talks to Jack.”

“You’re not her side piece while she dates Jack, Micks,” Sirius replied.

“No, no, I know, it’s not like she’s cheating on him, they’re just talking, but still. She’s looking for serious stuff with him, I’m just there for when he’s not around and she’s bored,” Marlene responded.

“But you could be there for all of it. If you just level up and ask her out-“

“Level up?” Sirius asked, looking at Lily like she had grown another head.

“James would get it,” Lily answered distractedly. “Point is, you could be more than a bit of fun if you just tell her that you want more than that.”

“Tell you what: I’ll make you a deal,” Marlene said after a minute.

“Ok?”

“I’ll ask Dorcas out if you ask James out.”

“whAT-“

——————————————————————————————

“I do not have feelings for James!” Lily said to Alice as they ate lunch.

“Mhm, sure.”

“It’s true!”

“Right. Of course not.”

“Yeah. That would be ridiculous.”

“Utterly.”

“Completely.”

“Uh huh. Look, Lily, you know how obvious Sirius and Remus were? How clear it was that they were meant for each other?”

“Uh, yeah. From day one.”

“Yeah. You remember how clear it was that Frank and I were gonna be a thing?”

“Of course. You two are, like, the epitome of meant to be.”

“Right. And you know how simple Marlene and Dorcas seem? The way they just fit?”

“Obviously.”

“Yeah. None of that compares to you and James,” Alice replied.

“What the hell do you mean? James and I aren’t even dating!”

“Yeah but you could be. Come on Lily, what are your standards for guys you date?”

“I don’t know, don’t be a massive tool?” Lily shot back exasperatedly.

“No. You’ve always had three rules. They have to be funny, they have to be able to keep up with you, and they have to be a good friend.”

“Ok? That proves nothing, it’s not that hard to meet those requirements.”

“But it is. You have a very specific sense of humor. Only people in our friend group have ever managed to make you laugh. And no one can keep up with you, Lily. You’re always five steps ahead of everyone except James. And the good friend thing? How many people have you met who care as much and are as loyal as James?”

“Ok, but….look….none of that is the point! I do not like James like that!”

“Mhm, sure.”

“I don’t! And I would have realized if I did!”

“Of course, Lily. You’re very emotionally self-aware.”

“I am!”

“Of course.”

——————————————————————————————

“James and I are just friends,” Lily told Mary during Charms.

“Yeah, right, of course, did you hear what wand movement we’re supposed to be using?”

“Just because we hang out a lot doesn’t mean there are romantic feelings there.”

“Right. Was it a swish or more of a loop?”

“I can be just friends with guys! I’m friends with Frank and Peter and Remus and Sirius-“

“Was it a flick?”

“And I’ve never wanted to go out with any of them. I was also friends with Severus, I never once even thought about going out with him.”

“Uh huh. So if I do a flick, does it work- no. No it does not.”

“I mean, sure, James is funny, and kind, and I’ll admit he’s pretty fit, but does that mean I like him? No!”

“Maybe a swish? Oh god, ok, not a swish, that’s my bad, sorry-“

“I mean, I would have noticed if I liked him right, how would I not have known that- wait a minute.”

“Ok, last shot, let’s try a loop.”

“Is it possible to not realize you’ve got feelings for someone? That doesn’t seem like it should be possible. You’d know, right? I mean, how could you be oblivious to your own emotions?”

“Lily, have you considered ignoring whatever the fuck is happening in your head right now and maybe doing the Charms assignment?”

“Hmm?” Lily looked up. “Oh, yeah, sorry. What are we doing?”

“Vanishing things.”

“Oh that’s easy.” Lily waved her wand over the book in front of her. It disappeared in a flash.

“What- how- what did you-“ Mary stared in astonishment.

“Right, so do you think it’s possible to be unaware of your own feelings? Mary? Mary, what are you doing? Why are you pointing that at me-“

“You mean to tell me, I’ve been struggling to do this, for seven fucking minutes, and you knew how to do it, the whole goddamn time?”

“Mary, put the wand down- ow!”

——————————————————————————————

“I would know if I liked James,” Lily said as she sat down in the library with Remus.

“I’m sure you would,” Remus replied mildly, barely looking up from his book.

“I mean, come on, how could I be oblivious to my own emotions?”

“Sounds very unreasonable.”

“I would know before other people did, for sure.”

“Of course.”

“It’s ridiculous to think everyone knew about my crush before I did.”

“Yes, obviously everyone is very much on top of their feelings in this group.”

“I mean, I know you and Sirius and Frank and Alice and Marlene and Dorcas were all kind of oblivious fucks, but I wouldn’t be, right?”

“Of course not.”

“Remus?”

“Yes?”

“I would know, right?”

“Do you think you would?”

Lily paused. “Actually, I think I’ve been oblivious to something big.”

Remus snorted and set his book down. “I was wondering if you’d get there.”

“Shut up,” Lily mumbled. “This is not funny.”

“You’ve got to admit it’s a little amusing.”

“No it’s not!”

“Lils, hey, look at me,” Remus switch from a dry tone to a gentle one. “This isn’t so bad, you know? Why is it so big for you?”

“Because…well…. I don’t know, it just is!”

“Ok. Look, are you upset that you may have a crush on James?” Remus asked carefully. “And hey, everything you say to me stays with me. I won’t tell anyone else.”

“Not even Sirius?” Lily asked.

“Not even him. So, you got an answer?”

“I mean, no. I don’t even know for sure if I do like James, you know? I mean, he’s awesome to have around, and he’s a really good friend, but I don’t know if it’s like that, you know?”

“Ok, that’s understandable. What exactly are you upset about, then?”

“I don’t know,” Lily replied.

“Ok, see, that’s a lie. Come on, Lily, have I ever mocked you for something like this?” Remus responded.

“I mean… no.”

“Ok. Then what’s the real issue here?”

“I’m… I’m not supposed to get overwhelmed by stuff like this. I’m the only thing I can control, so why the fuck can I suddenly not control myself? This emotional bullshit, it’s not supposed to get to me. I’m above that.”

“No one is above their feelings, Lily,” Remus replied.

“I should be!”

“No, you shouldn’t be, because then you’d be a boring robot of a person and that would suck.”

“But this whole…. crush thing, it just feels so ridiculous, you know?”

“Enlighten me.”

“I don’t think having feelings for James is my style, you know? Catching feelings isn’t my thing. I don’t think I’ve ever once had a crush on someone. Like, if I was gonna fall for someone, I think it’d be this big, dramatic, shouting from rooftops type of thing, something noticeable, not quietly sinking into feelings.”

“You have literally shouted at James from a rooftop before.”

“Out of anger, that doesn’t count!”

“Lily.” Remus said. “The line between anger and friendship has always been a thin one for you and James. Would it be so strange if the line between friendship and romance was just as thin?”

——————————————————————————————

“From the top, girls!” Alice said. “Good job on the singing, but Lily, you have the coordination of a ferret on meth. Please try harder.”

“I would try harder if it wasn’t a fucking ABBA song!”

“ABBA isn’t that awful, Lily,” Marlene piped up from the couch. “Also, can’t you rehearse in a place that isn’t the common room?”

“Like where?” Mary asked.

“I don’t know, an empty classroom?”

“The acoustics would suck,” Alice answered.

“And they don’t in here?”

“Did I fucking ask?”

“No you did not. Sorry Mum.”

“Mhm. You’re grounded.”

“Grounded? For what?” Marlene asked indignantly.

“Idiocy. Now shut up and let us rehearse.”

“Wow, ok, I see how it is.”

“Can we take a break?” Lily pleaded desperately. “We’ve been at this for nearly an hour and a half, and the routine is only three minutes!”

“Well maybe if you focused we’d be done,” Alice replied sarcastically.

“I do not like the effect this talent show is having on you,” Mary piped up.

“Look, I’m sorry, I just….” Alice trailed off.

“What?” Lily asked.

“With everything going, the war, the way it’s making its way into Hogwarts, I just… feel like everything is much higher stakes.”

“Alice,” Mary said. “No one is gonna get hurt if we do the routine wrong. And yeah, things are stressful right now, but they won’t be forever. The war is gonna end, and it’ll be ok. This is meant to be fun and relaxing, not stressful.”

“I know, but I just-“

“Hey, look. If this is too much, if it’s just one more stressful thing, we won’t do it. We’ll hang out with Marlene and Frank in the crowd and watch the boys do some stupid routine. But if you wanna just have fun with it, we’ll do that too. It’s your call.”

Alice looked around. Mary was smiling encouragingly, and Lily, despite her hatred of ABBA, was doing her best to seem reassuring too. Alice smiled.

“No, we’re doing this.”

“Yay!”

“But we’re starting from the top.”

“Fuck you!”

——————————————————————————————

Two weeks did not see much improvement in their routine in the slightest.

“Lily, how the fuck did you trip over air?”

“Fuck off Alice, I’m not going to your fucking baby shower.”

“What the fuck?”

“Don’t worry about it, she’s just like this sometimes,” James said as he entered the common room. “How goes rehearsal? The show’s in two days, you know.”

“Eh, no one’s dead yet, so I’d call it a victory,” Lily replied. “How’s yours?”

“Its…..something, for sure. Surprisingly enough, Sirius has a decent voice, so we’re not actually that bad off.”

“Huh. Who’d have guessed?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m assuming you’ve heard about Dorlene’s most recent…development?” James asked.

“Don’t fucking remind me.”

“Yeah, that’s about what I said too.”

“What should we do about it?”

“Oh, Dorcas has a plan.”

“She does?” Lily asked incredulously. “To ask Marlene out?”

“Oh god no. Apparently she’s going to make her really pay attention? I don’t know, but I think it’ll happen as part of her act in the show.”

“That’s….gonna be something.”

“Yep. Anyway, I’ve gotta get back to the boys. Oh, but, Evans?” James ran a hand through his hair nervously.

“Yeah?”

“Do you maybe wanna watch our Quidditch practice tomorrow? I know it can get boring, and you don’t have to say yes, but-“

“I’d love to.”

James’ grin was almost blinding. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, sure. And besides, the championship is coming up in like, three weeks, right? Maybe having an audience will pressure the team into doing their best.”

“Ah, the good old wholesomeness of manipulation. You sure are a sweet one, Evans.”

“Sugar and spice and whatnot. See you later?” Lily asked, uncharacteristically shy for a moment.

“Yeah, of course. See you, Evans.” James backed up, almost tripping over a chair. He caught himself and grinned before walking out.

Lily turned around to see Alice and Mary staring at her.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s just, last time Frank looked at me the way James was looking at you, I had one of the best dates of my life, and then one of the best nights,” Alice smirked.

“Oh shut up.”

“She’s kinda right, Lily,” Mary chimed in. “That was not subtle. At all. For either of you.”

“Again I say unto you, shut up.”

“Hey, it could be worse. You actually handled it very well for someone who just realized she has a crush,” Alice responded.

“Hey, I never said that I have a crush on James. And if I did, I would handle it fantastically,” Lily defended. Rather poorly, but she got the words out, so she decided to claim it as a victory nonetheless.

“Mhm. Well, now that the painfully obvious flirting is over, can we get back to practice? I’ve got a lot of Transfiguration practice to do tonight.”

“As long as it’s known that both of you can fuck right off.”

“Lily, you haven’t stopped telling us that since third year, do you really think we don’t know?”

——————————————————————————————

As soon as the closet door slammed shut, Marlene was slammed against it.

“Wait, Cas, we should-“ Marlene let out a quiet moan as Dorcas kissed her, melting into the solid body holding her upright.

“We should what?”

“Screw talking, go back to doing what you were doing,” Marlene replied, tangling her fingers in Dorcas’ hair and pulling her flush against her.

“Mmm, tell you what, how about we make a deal?”

“I’m- oh god- I’m listening,” Marlene gasped out as Dorcas kissed her neck.

“You tell me what you were gonna say, and for every full sentence you manage to get out, I drive you just a little bit more crazy.” Dorcas grabbed Marlene’s wrists and pinned them at her sides. “Or I could just walk out of here right now.”

Marlene whined unintelligibly.

“Use your words, darling.”

“Please don’t leave, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you whatever- fucking hell, Cas, please!”

Dorcas chuckled. “Alright then. Talk whenever you’re ready sweetheart, but remember, you stop, I stop.”

“Uh huh,” Marlene breathed out. “I was gonna say…. I was... I was gonna say…”

“Keep going, you’re doing so well,” Dorcas drawled, tracing a fingertip across Marlene’s collarbone lightly, as though she was planning where she would kiss her next.

“I was gonna say… we should- oh god Cassie, please-“ Marlene’s voice trailed off into a desperate whimper as Dorcas bit down gently on her collarbone.

“Uh-uh, full sentences. Unless I should leave-“

“I was gonna say we should make rules!” Marlene cried out. “Don’t go, god, Cas, you can’t work me up like this and then just leave, please-“

“Rules? What for, darling?” Dorcas breathed out.

“For, for this, this thing that we’re doing, whatever it is.”

“Ok. What rules do you think we need?” Dorcas asked, stepping away and masking her pain with a coy tone.

“Well for one, no more visible hickies. I nearly used up all of my concealer trying to hide everything you did last time, and it still barely hid some of it,” Marlene said.

Dorcas smirked. “Yeah, you’re gonna need more concealer then. Definitely left a very visible one just… there.” She drummed her fingers lightly on Marlene’s collarbone. Marlene shivered, more affected by the touch then she cared to admit.

“Ugh, you asshole. Fine, but please try not to make them obvious.”

“No promises.”

“Of course not. And another rule.”

“Another one?”

“We don’t turn this into a big thing. I know we talked about that earlier, but I think we need to clarify it more.”

“Ok. Then clarify away,” Dorcas replied.

“This isn’t dating or anything. This is just… two people having a bit of fun, enjoying each other.”

“Right, yeah, totally. Just a bit of fun.”

“Of course. And, you know, if Jake Barrel-“

“You mean Jack Barrow?”

“Right, sure, if Jake asks you out, like to be his girlfriend, to go steady, then obviously this will have to stop,” Marlene said. She knew she sounded like she was trying to convince herself, but she had never been the best actor and hiding her feelings seemed to get harder the closer Dorcas got. Which is why she needed rules. Clearly that would be enough to control the situation, to separate actions from feelings and keep her from making a mistake. Right?

“Yeah. No, yeah, sure. Of course. This isn’t like, a relationship or anything,” Dorcas replied quickly.

“Of course not. Just two people having fun.”

“Yep, of course. Just two people, keeping it casual. Having some fun.”

“Cas?”

“Mhm?”

“Can we go back to having fun?”

“I don’t know Marlene,” Dorcas answered, stepping closer again. “How much do you want it?”

Marlene retreated a step, pressed her back against the door. “Very much.”

“Yeah?” Dorcas grabbed her wrists again. “Enough to beg?”

“If you want me to.”

“Oh, I do. And I want more than that.”

“How much more?”

“How much are you willing to give me? How far are you willing to go, Marlene? Because I guarantee, whatever you’ll let me have, I’ll be more than happy to accept.”

“What if I’m willing to go as far as you want?”

Dorcas dropped the flirty tone, looking into Marlene’s eyes. “Are you?”

“Yes,” Marlene answered honestly. “I trust you.”

“I trust you too.”

“Good. In that case, Dorcas, you should also trust that if you keep teasing me, you’ll regret it,” Marlene smirked.

“Oh darling, I don’t think I’ll have any regrets at all.”

——————————————————————————————

Lily leaned against the locker room wall, waiting for James to finally finish cleaning up. Practice had very clearly been brutal, with him putting the rest of the team through their paces to the point where, despite most of them being good friends of his, Lily could hear their angry grumbling as they trudged back up to the castle.

“What did you think?” A voice said from behind Lily, making her jump and turn around.

“I think you’ll be lucky if one of your players doesn’t murder you in your sleep,” Lily replied, smiling at James. “You trying to work them to death or what?”

“Don’t tell them, but I would have kept practice going if the talent show wasn’t tomorrow,” James grinned.

“They’d have your head.”

“They’ll thank me when we have the Quidditch Cup in our hands in a few weeks.” James squinted at the sunset. “God, is it dinner time already?”

“Yep. You sure kept them busy, Captain Potter,” Lily teased.

“Yeah yeah. I know it’s dumb, but Quidditch is something I just get, you know? I do well in my classes, and I like doing other things, but… there’s nothing like that rush you get, when you’re flying and the only things that matter are flying with you. You can lose yourself and still be perfectly in control.”

Lily stared at James.

“What?” He asked, running a hand through his hair nervously. “Was that dumb?”

“No,” Lily stuttered out. “Not at all, I’ve just… I’ve never felt anything like that.”

James grinned. “Evans, have you ever flown since lessons in first year?”

“Well, no, but-”

“That absolutely will not do at all. Come on, we’re going flying.” James turned around and strode back towards the pitch. Lily hurried after him.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” She asked as he led her out onto the pitch, broomstick in hand.

“Do you trust me, Lily?” James smiled, holding out his other hand for her to take.

The answer was instant. “Yes.”

“Then trust that I won’t let you get hurt. So, just hop on the broomstick behind me, nice and easy- good. I’m gonna take it slow, alright?”

“Ok.”

“Alright. We’re gonna float up a bit-”

The broom rose a few feet in the air. Lily yelped and threw her arms around James, holding onto him tightly.

“Evans, could you do your best not to crush me to death?” James wheezed.

“Right, yeah, sorry. I just didn’t think we’d be so high up so soon.”

“We’re only a few feet off the ground, Lily. Are you scared of heights?”

“Maybe?” Lily answered.

“You should have bloody well said so, I wouldn’t have tried to take you up here-”

“No, wait, I don’t mind, I just…. Do you promise that I won’t fall?”

James put one of his hands on Lily’s, which were still clasped tightly around his waist. “I promise.”

“Then take me flying, Captain Potter.”

“Roger that, Lily Evans.”

“Don’t ever say roger that again or I’ll take an axe to this fucking broomstick.”

“What’s wrong with roger that? And do you even have an axe?”

“What kind of woman doesn’t have an axe?”