Chapter 11
Finally at home, tired and exhausted, Bella immediately fell onto the couch and turned on the TV. She was sick of reading articles. To be exact she was also sick of thinking about the murder topic in general. But still she found herself zipping through the channels looking for any airing newscast, even though she first had intended to watch a movie or a stupid sitcom to unwind. When eventually Bella didn’t find anything she turned off the TV and went up into her room. She had to do some homework anyway.
Instead of sitting down at her desk Bella lay down on her bed. She stared up at the ceiling’s white paint. Procrastination. Her eyes were about to close, she almost falling asleep when she got up again. Out of her backpack she pulled her notepads and lots of crumpled paper. She was not the most organized girl and this was one of the moments she realized it again. She opened her laptop to put on her study playlist, everything was needed, she wanted to really focus this time.
But right when she took her pen, ready to put down some notes while going through the last lessons’ pages, her phone rang.
Charlie/Dad. (Bella still didn’t know how to name his contact, everything felt wrong and right.)
“What’s up?” Bella tried to sound casual but she guessed that Charlie calling directly from work didn’t mean something good.
“Well, I…” There was a minute of silence on the end of the line, Charlie searching for the right way to put things into words.
“We found another body. I am not telling you this to worry you…” Charlie cleared his throat.
“Wait, we means you and your team, right?”
“Yup. Well, we don’t know much yet, but I guess I called to tell you that it’ll probably be a long shift tonight.”
Bella nodded, a little disappointed. She wished that Charlie would give her some details, he had noticed how much the recent events had pulled her into them. “I’ll leave you some supper?”
“That would be great, thank you. But also, and I am sorry I am being so persistent with it, promise me again that you won’t go into the woods.” Charlie chuckled but at the same time it was obvious he was anxious.
Bella promised again, this time though she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She had already understood it the first time.
“Okay, I think I got to get…”
“Be careful, dad” Bella said but Charlie had already hung up the phone.
—-
It was dark outside and the house was empty and quiet. Bella sat at the kitchen table scrolling on her phone while eating her pasta. It was already ten and Charlie still wasn’t home. Usually a long night meant that Charlie was home a tad later than his scheduled six pm. But tonight?
Bella didn’t want to admit that she did feel intimidated. The quietness of the house seemed to become louder the longer she sat there. The only thing she heard was the trees’ branches brushing against the house in the wind. Occasionally a car drove by at full speed. Then the splash of the water being thrown into the air was another sound. But the house, everything directly surrounding Bella was dead quiet.
It wasn’t like Bella hadn’t considered putting on some music or the TV. She had tried it out. But then she felt even more uneasy, listening for everything, every little sound. She even got scared while she was cooking because she dropped a spoon into the sink. That’s when she decided to turn off all distractions.
But, well, it also was a bit counterproductive as she now felt like she was a guard on duty to defend the house and her own life.
And possibly Bella was just spiraling again.
Nothing happened, all night.
Bella definitely was spiraling again. (Right?)
When Charlie came home he found Bella on the sofa, curled into a blanket with her phone still in her hand. He carefully took the phone out of her hands. On screen there was an article about the mass attack and the other found bodys. Charlie sighed and turned off the phone before he put it onto the coffee table. He gave Bella a little smile, he didn’t want to wake her up, and went into his room.
—-
At breakfast Bella yawned every few seconds. She hated getting up early, especially for school. Charlie looked at her - well, examined her, is more suitable.
He also hadn’t slept well. Every second he had closed his eyes, ready to drift off, he suddenly had found himself wide awake. All the information of the day kept flooding his brain. He was looking for clues, solutions, questions… But there was nothing. In all his career he had never felt this way. Usually Charlie felt deep down what was the right thing to do, he kept a clean mind but now? It was probably the first time Charlie had had a nightmare because of something at work. And he had seen lots of stuff, many things he didn’t want to even think about.
So, as he felt uneasy himself, he worried about Bella too. She wasn’t used to all this cop business that made his every-day-life. And right now the events were on a much higher level. Charlie remembered that Bella had been a sensitive child. After finding her phone last night, he really felt the need to talk to her. But he was unsure how to bring it up.
He didn’t want to confront Bella. He was scared that she might close herself up if he said the wrong thing. All that Charlie longed for was to have a heart to heart connection with her, and he knew that this topic would be a ride or die for their slowly building relationship.
The bread was chewy and dry. Charlie chewed slowly, he was aware of every single noise he made. He cleared his throat even though he still had no idea how to start the conversation. (As if he ever had a clue.)
“Bella, did you… sleep well?” He felt his heart in his chest, he felt silly.
“Yeah, it’s okay. Just too short.” Bella yawned and gave him a tired smile. She then yawned again.
“You know, nothing’s going to happen to you, or us, right?” Oh god, everything he said sounded stiff, right?
“What do you mean?” This time she actually looked straight at Charlie; her forehead in wrinkles.
“When I came home last night, I found you with the phone still on, on an article analysing everything around the murders. And I don’t want to say that you can’t look things up, I know how much these things can pull you in. I am just… worried, I guess, that’s what you call it.” He scratched his chin. This didn’t sound too bad, right?
“You don’t have to worry about me, dad.” Bella’s smile now was genuine. “I am totally fine.” She nodded as if to confirm it herself.
“The thing is, uhm, Renée told me about your issues with overthinking and spiraling, like in an email. And I just don’t want anything happening that you feel stuck in. And I guess I just want to say that we can talk about stuff.” He scratched his chin again. His heart was now really beating fast. Shit. “I know we’re not the closest, but I truly regret that, and I hope that things…” He paused himself, he knew how mushy his brain got once he started rambling.
“Thank you, dad. I promise I am fine, I know how to deal with it now.” Bella smiled and she tried to hold back the silent tears that filled the corners of her eyes. “And I am so sorry; I missed you all these years.” She gently took Charlie’s hand laying on the table and pressed it softly.
“I will talk to you.”
Now it was only the radio singing a rock song that filled the kitchen. Bella and Charlie ate the rest of their breakfasts in silence. Was everything said? No. But they had the feeling now, that there would be so many more moments to say everything that mattered and everything that didn’t.