Chapter 12
Once again, Bella found herself in the school bathroom looking at her pale face in the dusty mirror. It probably was the horrible fluorescent lighting in here that made her look this sick. But she also felt sick. And all the stalls were full . She wanted to hide from - she didn’t know what; and she thought her body would get rid of its own insides any moment.
The sink was cold and dirty and Bella felt like she might also die from touching it. But everything was so hot, she needed the cold. Tears filled her eyes and everything was blurry.
What the fuck was happening?
Bella had no idea.
Why was nobody leaving their stall?
It all felt like a scene from a horror movie. Bella wiped away the tears and locked eyes with her reflection. She had to calm down. Now.
But the more she told herself to calm down the worse it got. Her hands on the cold and wet porcelain started shaking. She was getting cold now.
Fuck everything.
Bella pulled herself away from the sink and the mirror and left the washroom. Of course someone would feel like going crazy when they seek refuge in a high school bathroom. She needed just some air, and then everything would be okay again.
Well, Bella didn’t know what even was wrong in the first place. But air sounded like a great idea.
Walking down the hallway Bella held tight onto her backpack. She put her focus on her steps and her chest, breathing slowly and carefully. She was fine. Maybe just catching the flu?
“Hi Bella!” It was Alice. She sat on the floor next to her sister. Bella couldn’t remember the girl’s name, so she just said hi to both of them. Alice and her sister both had books in their laps and seemed to be studying them intensely.
“What are you up to?” Alice asked with a smile. She was so bright and happy, even at school, which fascinated Bella.
“Oh, I meant to go outside to get some sun while it lasts.” Bella laughed and looked down on her hands. “Do you want to join me?” (She didn’t know why she asked that, rejection therapy, maybe?)
“Oh we’d love to,” Alice said and looked at her sister who gave her a warning glance, “but unfortunately Rosalie and I are both allergic to the sun.” She shrugged. “Annoying, I know. But enjoy Bella!” She smiled.
“Oh, that’s too bad.” Bella nodded. She made a note in her mind to look up whether being allergic to the sun was a real thing (it was). “Good luck with studying inside then, I guess?”
“Thank you!” Alice's eyes sparkled and she waved at Bella when she turned to go.
In the corner of her eye Bella saw how Rosalie leaned over to Alice to whisper to her. Immediately Bella started to feel the anxiety entering her head. This hadn’t been an insensitive reaction to the sun allergy right? She tried telling herself that this conversation didn’t matter at all and that she was overthinking and overwhelmed (once again).
Outside, probably everyone except Rosalie and Alice, was sitting either on the few benches and tables or on the grass. It didn’t take long until Bella had spotted Jess and Erica and made her way through the labyrinth of students.
The sun was out, shining through the trees and dancing on the grass. In this light Forks seemed to be a brighter place, everyone seemed to be happier. It was weird how the sun impacted this whole town so much.
Bella sat down next to Jess on the Bench, Erica was sitting on top of the table. Books were spread out all around her but she didn’t seem to be interested in them, she was leaning down to talk to Jess.
“So. what do you think about the winter dance? Should I wear last year's again or do we want to go shopping?”
“What was your last year’s?”
“Oh yeah, one second I will find it” Erica took out her phone.
“It was stunning. She looked absolutely like a goddess.” Jess nodded enthusiastically.
After a few seconds Erica had found the picture of her in a purple shiny dress. It really complimented her skin tone and she looked so happy wearing this dress.
“I agree. This looks gorgeous!” Bella exclaimed. “I think you should wear it again, I want to see it in person.” She chuckled.
“Okay” Erica pressed her lips together and scrolled through her camera roll. “But we still should go to Port Angeles sometime soon.” She glanced at Bella and Jess.
“So true. I need to get out of this town.” Jess sighed. “At least for a few hours.”
“I would be up for it too.” Bella nodded.
She wasn’t even exactly sure whether she missed being in a city. But it sounded nice to drive to a bigger place. Maybe she could also get new books there. She was growing tired of Romeo & Juliet. They still died at the end.
“But now I really need to connect with the sun” Jess turned towards the sun and closed her eyes. Erica and Bella giggled.
“And I probably should tackle this calculus,” Erica yawned, picking up her chunky workbook. “Why did I decide to become a girl in STEM again?” She yawned again.
“Because we are strong and smart women,” Jess laughed. This had been their mantra for all the years they had spent together suffering in high school.
Bella smiled. “You can also be smart as a non STEM girl though?”
“You are so right!” Erica put down the book again.
“I’ll always prefer reading to be honest,” Bella shrugged. “STEM was never meant for me.”
“I wish.” Erica looked down on the book in her lap. “I hate it all but sometimes I find myself loving it very much. It doesn’t make sense.” She yawned again.
“Yeah, uhm, no.”
“Guys please, you are messing up my connection with the sun.” Jess opened her eyes and gave both Bella and Erica a warning side eye - which only made them burst into laughter. “See!” She pointed up to the sky. “There are clouds coming now, all because of you.”
Erica rolled her eyes. “She has to get out of this town.”
They all were still giggling when they headed inside again at the beginning of the last period of the day. Bella was in the middle of the trio, Erica and Jess both had their arms wrapped around hers and they were constantly bumping into each other. But it felt good. And Bella realised that she had never felt this way before. She had never thought this little about anything before, and it still felt safe and even natural. And, well, now that was probably weird. (But in a good way.)
Bella’s last class of the day was drama and she entered the theatre ready for Alice’s beaming enthusiasm. But Alice was not there. No one knew anything because everyone had spent the break outside and no one talked to any Cullen. Bella thought about mentioning the sun allergy but that felt silly, as no one really seemed to have any big interest in the Cullen’s well-being anyway. She also told herself to not give too much thought into it but she did wonder why Alice had left over the maybe 20 minutes she had been outside. There sure was a reason, but maybe she wasn’t supposed to know. - No, she surely wasn’t supposed to know. It was none of her business. Why did she always care? About everything? When she knew nothing? (Obviously, Bella had a very hard time focusing that class.)