An Opportunity
Chapter 2: An Opportunity
“Are you serious?”
Ira stared at her manager, eyes almost bulging out of their sockets, as she informed her of a life changing opportunity. Her manager, who also happened to be her best friend, Mali, bit down on her bottom lip to hide the smile that threatened to break through as she watched her client process her words. They have known each other since their second year of college, ten years of friendship, so Mali understands better than anyone, except for Tawan, of course, how much Ira worked her ass off to reach this milestone.
Finally, after what felt like the longest, most crucial journey to get to where they were now, in this moment sitting outside a coffee shop for their weekly Thursday business meeting, Mali could finally share a big job opportunity that she, personally, had championed for the last six months without Ira’s knowing.
Ira swallowed hard, and quite visibly, as she sat back in her chair and looked down at the ground under the table. Her mind raced as she thought about how much this changed things for her and her family. The pressure of that thought made her prickly with nerves even though her family supported her, especially Tawan who seemed to want her to go back to work the most because she knew how important it was to her.
Mali could see Ira’s chest rise and fall with each breath she took as she continued to process the news. Her smile that she wore was now starting to fall into a frown as she hoped her one and only client was not starting to second guess her potential. Or back out as the severity of what this now meant started to weigh on her. She immediately made a mental note to talk to Tawan to keep encouraging her or else her comeback would be short lived.
Or dead on the vine if Ira stifled what was surely to be a story many would be inspired by.
Ira started to nod to herself as she focused on some gum stuck to the ground, her mind racing uncontrollably by the second. With the summer heat, her pursed lips and heavy breaths through her nose started to cause some perspiration on her top lip. The more she thought about what was to come next, the more she reflected on what had already past. She would never call what led her to this moment a “sacrifice”, because her family and the life she lived up until she went back to work last year was always her dream.
If anything, it was her greatest blessing.
Ira met Tawan towards the end of her second year of college, the same year she met Mali but she had met Mali first earlier that year. As it so happened, Tawan was very good friend’s with Mali’s cousin, Lee, and Lee was Mali’s favorite cousin, so they would hang out a lot during those days before adulthood and life consumed their time. Tawan and Lee had also graduated the same year from the same university that Ira and Mali attended three years prior.
Mali loved to tease Ira about how her and Tawan had met because their first interaction was sort of uneventful considering how storied their love has been. Everyone in their friend group tended to reference Ira and Tawan when they sulked about never finding their person, but those that knew how they actually met knew just how authentic and organic their connection was. Ira would roll her eyes but smile lovingly at her wife who would only pull her closer to hide her blush behind her when everyone would fawn over them being the couple goals to aim for.
In college, Ira struggled a lot her second year because she put so much pressure on herself to do good and make her family proud. Her parents thought nothing but the world of her and never pressured her to be an overachiever like some of their friends did with their kids. They knew it was unnecessary stress and would strain their relationship with their daughter. Besides, Ira was their only child, and they struggled to conceive her, so they took special care in nurturing and fostering her growth with all the love they possessed by supporting her wants and dreams while leading her when needed.
But Ira, always her own biggest pressure, wanted to do nothing more than make her parents proud despite their constant reminders and insistence that she was the pride and joy of their entire world.
So, that is how she wound up at a table outside a restaurant late at night on a Saturday after Mali had dragged her from the university’s library. Ira, somehow, was overstudying for a test that was not to take place until next week, but she had stressed herself into thinking she was unprepared. She had held poor Mali hostage to help her study, but after just only ten minutes, Mali realized Ira was answering the questions before she finished reading them to her.
They argued for less than five minutes - Ira animately talking with her hands and pointing at her book and notes, and Mali crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head very dramatically. Their voices were starting to breach the library rules of whispering only, and some other students were starting to turn to glare at them or be nosey. Thankfully, Mali had, had enough, so she stood from her seat, snatched Ira’s book and papers before she could react, and stuffed everything in her own backpack. Ira was caught off guard for a moment before her semi-fried brain caught up, and she stood to protest just as Mali was slinging her backpack over her shoulder and rounding the table to grab her arm to drag her out of the library.
Ira tried to yank her arm from Mali’s grip, but Mali was desperately fueled by the need to get away from school after a long week of studying, writing papers, and giving presentations. She needed a nice hot meal and a few drinks to give her that wonderful buzz of responsibility leaving her body, and she especially knew if she didn’t force Ira to do the same then the girl would probably need to visit the hospital for exhaustion. She had privately made a promise to Ira’s worried mother when she met her for the first time a few days ago that she would not let Ira kill herself with school and would help her enjoy what her 20s were supposed to be.
Fun, fun, and more fun.
Ira was soon too tired to physically fight off Mali anymore, and her mental exhaustion was creeping towards a headache. Mali felt Ira’s resistance quickly disappear as her wrist grew limp in her hand, so she quickly glanced back at her as she weaved them through the crowd towards the restaurants and bars. Ira looked so tired, but she seemed to have a bit more color as she took in their surroundings and sniffed the air, her eyes fluttering some. She could not remember the last time she ate that day, and the smells wafting from all directions were bombarding her senses and made her almost stop to take a moment to enjoy them.
Mali smiled, almost a smirk, as she realized she had won this battle today. She slowed her pace to walk in unison with her new friend then moved to link their arms together to lean on one another. They both could use the support for their tired bodies as they bumped into others who were starting to buzz at what the night could bring after a long week. Ira smiled at her, thankful that she had someone that would force her to listen to her body when she did not, and Mali winked as she told her about the restaurant they were headed to.
She also informed her that she would be meeting her cousin and a couple of his friends who had invited them to join their group.
Despite Ira’s tiredness, the jovial atmosphere of the restaurant slowly relaxed her. The sounds of many conversations taking place, the collective, palatable feeling of the tiring week leading to winding down at the bar, the smells coming from the kitchen, and the wine she was sipping nearly erased her mind completely of her test next week. This allowed Ira to be her true self - the person that people flocked to in group or party settings because she was so energetic, talkative, and interested in almost any topic of conversation as long as the engagement was equal.
Her family would tell friends and acquaintances it was because she was an empath who always caught the scent of who a person was before they even shared. And this made the person instantly comfortable to be around her and talk about various things. Ira’s father especially found it amusing when a young Ira would accompany him to work when he picked her up from school and she would chat up clients while he processed their invoices. His clients would always point to her, working on her homework in a corner of his office as she waited for him to be done so they could go home, and would let him know how wonderful his daughter was and how she should be his marketing chief which made him laugh and look to her proudly.
Ira and Lee hit it off immediately when Lee noticed Ira had a figurine of a character from his favorite video game dangling from her backpack she was hanging on the back of her seat. Her face lit up almost immediately as she took her seat across from him after Mali had introduced them to each other. They immediately started diving into the story, gameplay, and who their other favorite characters were, and Mali smiled at their interaction, ecstatic that they hit it off as she settled into her seat next to Ira. It would just be them for a few more minutes before a couple of Lee’s friends showed up to join them.
Lee introduced his two friends - guys from his new job that he had been getting to know for a few weeks now - then looked at his watch while the girls introduced themselves before scanning the area as if he was looking for someone. They all sat down just as the waiter arrived to ask them if they were ready to order, and Lee told the table that they were waiting on one more person if everyone did not mind waiting a little longer for food to which they all shook their heads. The waiter smiled and nodded, noting the new drink orders, then informed them that he would be back.
Mali sipped the last remnants of her cocktail then jutted her chin towards her cousin, asking him who were they waiting for. He looked around their area again as he informed her it was Tawan, and Mali suddenly broke into a bright grin at the name. Lee saw her out of the corner of his eye and smirked because Tawan seemed to enchant everyone she met without even trying. Ira was looking at her and raised an eyebrow, suddenly curious as to why her new friend seemed to beam at the mention of this person.
Lee noticed and chuckled as he informed Ira that his cousin really liked when Tawan would hang out with them because she was practically the only other girl of the friend group. She was also the oldest girl, so Mali took a real liking to her in a big sister kind of way. Though, sometimes, Lee liked to tease his cousin that she had a crush on Tawan, and that did not stop him from smiling teasingly before he started in on her. Everyone laughed, including Lee’s friends who had also met her last week, as Mali rolled her eyes and simply shrugged. She was not ashamed as she reminded everyone that the only person that seemed to not notice Tawan turned heads in every room she walked in was Tawan.
As her laughter slowed and the table settled into conversations about Lee’s new job and the friends that had joined them, Ira thought about this mysterious Tawan person that apparently could control a room without even trying. This person must really be special if Mali, who did not seem to be impressed by much as she was nonchalant to most things, became flustered by her. Ira shrugged to herself then raised her wine glass to finish the last few sips just as she caught Lee out of the corner of her eye stand up and look behind her with a wide grin, waving his arms to get someone’s attention.
The table looked to where he was waving, and Ira turned in her seat some as she drank from her glass. At the sight, Ira paused her glass to her lips, the wine sloshing against her upper lip and coating it. She understood why Mali was so infatuated, and why Lee teased her about it like an older brother who knew his baby sister had a crush on his best friend. It was impossible to not be considering the specimen before them.
Ira was confident in saying that Tawan was the most beautiful woman she had ever laid her eyes on. Hell, the pleasure of having ever laid her eyes on. Even as she rushed up to Lee, a little sweat glistening on her forehead near her hairline as she pushed some of her gorgeous dark and silky looking windblown hair from her face, breathlessly explaining her reason for being late. Her apologetic smile made her eyes form perfect arches like a rainbow, and the mole on her left cheek bounced on the mound of her perfect high cheek bone.
Stunned, Ira could not help but to stare at her as Lee just chuckled and placed a hand on Tawan’s shoulder, shaking his head and raising his hand to stop her as it was not a big deal. It was Mali’s turn to notice that Ira was completely lost in a trance at the sight of Tawan, all too familiar with the woman’s siren like pull, and she narrowed her eyes at her friend with an amused smile as she watched her stare at Tawan. Ira being attracted to women was not anything that Mali did not already know about her new friend as Ira was very open about her sexuality, not seeing the big deal having grown up in a family that had a different view of the world than those from a more conservative, traditional background and perspective.
In fact, Ira had told Mali about a girl she had dated very briefly her freshman year of college but had broken up with her. Ira did not share much about the relationship, only that they had dated for less than a few months and then she broke it off after not feeling anything about it in any way. Mali noticed that Ira was staring off in the distance as she spoke about the relationship, as if she was trying to erase a memory. She wanted to ask her more about it, but something told her that now was not the time, so she just quietly watched as Ira swallowed then looked back to her with a small smile.
Mali thought it was just a hard breakup, but Ira would share more later on when they had long become best friends who shared secrets that bonded them closer than before.
Lee turned Tawan to the table and began to introduce everyone to her, really mostly for Ira's sake since everyone was already acquainted having met previously. Tawan smiled apologetically again, clasping her hands together and bowing her head at everyone as she apologized to them for being late after having noticed everyone just had drinks and no food. She knew they had been waiting on her because she and Lee had been texting about her arrival time, and now, looking at the table, her guilt started to eat at her as she hated both being late and having people wait on her.
Mali quickly and carefully nudged Ira to snap her out of her trance and to lower her glass then stood to hug Tawan in both a greeting and to reassure her that all was okay. Ira, startled, jumped a little then quietly cleared her throat as she quickly lowered her glass that she suddenly noticed she was holding and set it on the table. She clasped her hands firmly together in her lap and looked everywhere and nowhere to distract herself. She had never been so flustered by someone and she felt a blush creep up her neck the more she thought about it.
Mali had a wicked sense of humor and her interest was more than piqued at her friend’s sudden quietness because Ira was almost never quiet and not leading a conversation in a room. She was almost always flicking her dark brown hair over her shoulder as she held the room’s attention talking animately about any and everything. Her physical presence held an air of runway-fashion beauty - a sharp but innocent face to match her above average slim, tall physique that made everyone pause went well with her addicting personality.
At this, Mali thought she would play a little matchmaker since she was already armed with the knowing that Tawan had just ended casually dating a woman she had met back in Hong Kong where she was interning before returning back to Bangkok for a job opportunity last year.
Though Tawan was five years older than her and Ira, she had a slow grasp and pace paired with a guileless about her that she thought would match perfectly with Ira’s childlike demeanor. Tawan was born in Hong Kong, but her family had moved back to Thailand when she was five years old then back to Hong Kong when she eight years old due to her parents work. Her grandmother got sick, so her family moved back to Thailand when she was 16 years old and remained there so her mother could help take care of her. Her bouncing around a lot growing up made her “the new kid” more than she would have liked, so she always felt like she was coming in to things as her peers were moving on to other things.
Tawan had spent most of her formative years in Hong Kong, her father’s home, so she had a more personal connection to her Hong Kong roots between the language, culture, religion, and food. Though Tawan’s mother made sure to teach her and her older brother Thai customs, the language, and cooked mostly the cuisine to try to connect them to their roots, it was difficult when Tawan’s daily life centered around her Chinese background. Tawan still struggled with her Thai side as she felt like an outsider tying to fit in, but most of her friends she made were so endeared by her that they helped to teach her the language, were patient with her slow grasps in conversations, and always looked to make her feel a part of their group.
That was how she met Lee, who also was half Thai and half Chinese. He grew up in a small province outside Beijing, but his family moved back to Thailand when he was eight to be closer to his grandparents who wanted to spend more time with their family now that they were retired. Lee had only a slight advantage to Tawan because he had been in Thailand a few years longer than she had been and was still young when he moved there. All in all, they developed a strong bond their first year of college when he noticed her watching one of his favorite Chinese cartoons in the library while taking a break from studying.
They hit if off ever since and Tawan could not be more grateful to have made a friend who understood her struggle from a personal perspective.
Mali offered her seat to Tawan when they pulled apart, grabbing her arm and walking her over. Ira was snapped out of her thoughts and looked to her friend with a furrowed brow, trying to decipher what she was doing. It wasn’t like Mali could look into her head and see her thoughts, but that did not stop her from accusing her, also in her head, of trying to do something as if everyone could read her like book. As the two women sat down, Ira cleared her throat quietly and sat up straight in her seat, debating if she should reach for her glass to keep her fidgety hands occupied.
Tawan settled into her seat and looked to Mali to thank her again, so tired after practically running to the restaurant and trying to avoid knocking people over. Mali waved her off and turned in her seat slightly to face her so she they could chat and catch up. But first, she had one more thing to do before that, so she was glad Lee and the boys started talking about a basketball game that had just wrapped up on a television they were looking at a few feet away on a wall nearby.
Mali raised her hand past Tawan towards Ira to guide her attention to her friend. Tawan, who was starting to catch her breath and relax in her seat to become more aware of her surroundings, looked at her hand then to the woman on her left. Mali introduced them, telling her Ira’s name and that she was a friend from school. Ira was zoned out, trying to slow her racing mind as her thoughts were consumed with trying to guess the woman to her right’s perfume that was intoxicatingly combined with her sweat.
Of course, Tawan was oblivious and smiled as she turned more to Ira to give her, her attention and respect. And thankfully, Mali, always quick on her feet, had her fingers on her friend’s pulse point as she reached a little more to place her hand on Ira’s arm causing the woman to jump slightly in her seat at the touch. Mali comfortingly gripped her arm then explained to Tawan, who looked a bit concerned at the woman who had not said a word and seemed a bit jumpy, that Ira had been stressing about a test so she dragged her here to hang out with them before releasing her grip.
Tawan smiled at Mali then turned her attention back to Ira, sympathizing with her as she reminisced on her college days. She had spent so much time studying in the library herself that she thought they would name a section of it after her. Ira finally looked to Tawan with a small and shy smile, mumbling an apology in an attempt to break the ice. At this, Tawan smiled wider and shook her head, dismissing her apology as it was not needed, then cracked a joke about being in the library so much herself when she was there that they named a seat for her with a plaque and all. She even told her what seat specifically.
Like a snap of a finger, Tawan’s incredible power she has over people with her enchanting beauty and charming personality that seemed to draw any and everyone and thing from all corners worked as expected. Because Ira, who is almost always the life of the party and instantly attracts people with her infectious energy, went from being this out of character shy and quiet person at that moment to giggling at Tawan’s corny joke with so much sincerity that Mali could visibly see her stress from earlier thaw away.
In fact, her eyes disappeared and her gums showed in a way that only Mali had seen when she would run up to strangers to pet their dogs much to the bewilderment of the pet parent as they watched their furry friend latch onto the stranger knelt before them.
Mali watched as Tawan asked more about Ira’s studies, always a curious and interested listener. This made Ira visibly relax as she instantly could see that Tawan’s intentions in asking about her studies were genuine because when Ira began to speak, Tawan held her gaze and tilted her head some as if she was taking mental notes. Ira could feel a smile forming as she watched her, so she dipped her head some to quickly swallow before looking up to continue, catching the way Tawan’s eyes briefly twinkled when she smiled at something she had said.
Now that they were getting comfortable with each other, Mali smiled triumphantly as she sat back in her seat. She was crossing her legs and smoothing her shirt when she looked up and saw Lee narrowing his eyes at her curiously. Mali simply smiled, shrugged, then raised her eyebrows at him as she listened to the two women talk. Lee chuckled as he confirmed what his cousin was attempting, happy that it happened, nevertheless, because Tawan had been so stressed with work and could use some company that was not work related or “the bros”.
Whether it was fate or a random pattern of steps that led them to there, there was a spark and it ignited.
Now, ten years later, Mali and Ira sat before each other having lived so many different experiences. Ira and Tawan would go on to develop a very close friendship, one that danced around something more that they both new in the recesses of their minds and would deny to avoid making a mess of their current relationship. They always gravitated to each other when occupying the same space, they always visibly brightened at the mention or the sight of the other, and their eyes always searched for the other in a room when separated. On the outside looking in, they were the friends to lovers who were destined to meet each other, the kind that loved ones would tease about being too blind to not notice what everyone saw and even felt.
There was an electricity that sparked when they were together and left crackling remnants of their energy when they disconnected.
Almost a year after their chance meeting and a genuine friendship built on a solid foundation, Tawan would gather the courage - with some actual, physical pushing from Lee - to ask Ira out. There was only so much subtle flirting, electric touches, and drowning in each others eyes that they could continue to do before they were pulled too impossibly close to be able to ignore any longer their connection. Most would have thought that Ira would have made the first move, but she was so terrified of ruining their friendship and thought Tawan was out of her league.
Ira would forever thank the spirits that Tawan made the first move because it confirmed her deepest hope at the bottom of her heart that they would make it to this. She never thought this older, more sophisticated, elegant woman wanted her, a barely twenty-something, still figuring out life, baby-faced child. After so many late night girl talks with Mali about how Tawan actually made her stomach flip with anticipation, Ira would almost immediately jump in her arms at her confession. It had finally come to a point where denial no longer was acceptable, and the feelings were all too consuming.
So much so that not too long after that, both women would be wondering about engagement rings as Ira approached graduation.
They did not need to make very many adjustments as they transitioned from friends to lovers. They seemed to just fall into a routine, as if they had already lived like this prior. Their differences opened them up to new experiences and their similarities enhanced their moments together in ways that saw them mold together like yin and yang. Ira made Tawan's toes curl every time she kissed her while Ira's heart would flutter like a mockingbird's wings every time Tawan would hug her from behind.
It was as if they did not know where the other began or ended, as if they had melted and molded together but were still visibly separate to be able to differentiate. The depths of their love for one another sent ripples into the deepest oceans.
However, this did not mean things were always perfect. If it were then they would both be concerned about a piano falling from the sky onto their heads. As much as they enjoyed their time together that saw little arguments, they still had disagreements. Particularly, when the other seemed to get a crazy amount of attention when they attended functions together. Ira’s personality was so infectious that it could be mistaken for flirting which saw Tawan glaring down more men and women than she would have liked before she chased and shooed them away. Tawan’s aloofness to her ability to attract the most sophisticated of men and women made Ira glue to her woman, her faced etching jealously and a bit of insecurity in the form of frown lines as she marked her territory.
It took many talks and reassurances in those early and fresh days. They were so committed to one another that they would do whatever it takes, talk to whomever they needed to, to make sure they were alright. There was nothing too challenging for them that they could not take on together. With their solid foundation of friendship, they now were building upon it a concrete romantic relationship. They knew the other person was their most important confidant, the one they can always count on, the strength of their trust, the holder of their heart, the love of their every universe, and the soulmate they would find in every life.
It all just made sense.
When Tawan was sure of something, there was nothing that could stop her from obtaining it. She was always a very determined person, even as a child, and it was because she had to be so adaptable growing up with all the changes her family went through. It was both a blessing and a curse, trying to please everyone while also not sacrificing herself, but it made her aware of her surroundings and gave her the ability to read people in a way that made them pause at her skills. Ira took all that away and made her relax, as if the pressure of it all suddenly disappeared and the fog cleared. Ira was her compass that always steered her back on course.
Prior to meeting each other, Ira was fleeting through life with only graduating college as the top of her priority list. After meeting Tawan, all she knew was that she did not want to know her life without her in it whether that was as friends or more. Even if it meant a life lived as only friends, she knew she needed Tawan in her life as she had never connected with anyone that could put a finger on her like Tawan did by simply just looking at her. Tawan could look at her and immediately know what she was feeling and what course of action to take that best supported her in that moment.
So, of course, as Ira’s graduation approached, their serious discussions about their future together became more frequent than usual. They always felt comfortable having these talks because they found solace in being so open with each other having made an agreement early in their relationship as friends that there was nothing too complex that they could not discuss with one another to help the other person. Besides, marriage had come up for them like normal for the last few months as they got more excited about life post college whether they walked down an aisle immediately or some years later.
Their family and friends were their biggest champions for their future. They all got along well and felt this was too perfect of an existence for them all together to not end in the two people who joined them together in this way as endgame. Their mothers would whisper to each other when together about future wedding plans while their fathers stood nearby chuckling at their dynamic. Tawan's brother, Wei, would plan her bachelorette party every time they spoke on the phone or saw each other. Mali had even already decided in her mind that she would be Ira’s head bridesmaid while Lee had told Tawan that he would be her best brideman which always made her laugh at the twist of words.
As they thought about what the future held with this major life decision, the wonder of it all turned to them focusing on the possibilities of wandering this crazy life together. Ira thought about how she would get to forever hear her favorite sound that Tawan made, a sound that morphed her into a little girl with a sparkle in her eye that bordered innocence and mischievousness. Tawan laughed like the sound of “haha”, someone who clutched their stomach in the act as it came from the pits of her stomach, muscles flexing with each enunciation, and squished her face to the center.
Tawan thought about how she would get to forever stare lovingly at Ira as she bounced on her tippy toes every time she accomplished something. It could be a recipe that she had been working hard on perfecting or when she got a good grade from her classes or when she beat a difficult level of one of her video games that she had been struggling with. Her favorite, though, was when she would meet someone’s pet, especially a dog, and her hands would start shaking as she approached. Tawan would share a laugh with the pet parent before staring down at the person that made her world spin on its axis.
Neither woman wanted to know another life.
So they wondered if their ancestors and the heavens had planned it for them to tie the highly anticipated and expected knot six months after Ira’s graduation. What everyone did not know, and much to their surprise a year later, was that both women had wanted to start a family almost immediately and had discussed the process in length a few nights before their wedding. Though small and intimate with close family and friends, they had been so busy with planning their wedding that they barely spent time together that was not related to that stress. So, as they cuddled on the couch in Tawan’s small apartment downtown, Ira reached up to her fiancee’s ear to whisper her new dream.
What may have been the biggest surprise of all was that Ira wanted to pause her post graduation career plans to be a stay at home mom. Her sharp features, lean body, height that towered Tawan a few centimeters, and the mesmerizing aura she exhumed that craned necks when she walked into a room had fashion design students scouting and reaching out to her for modeling work. She hesitated at first because she had never really been comfortable with her looks and body, but Mali and Tawan’s encouragement saw her like a duck in water the way she easily struck a pose for a camera and commanded a runway.
That world opened her eyes to her full potential, and she found the work exhilarating especially when Tawan would come to support her shows and mostly ogled her legs.
Tawan would support whatever it was that Ira wanted to do, no matter what, but she did want her to be absolutely sure this is what she wanted. She never wanted Ira to feel like she had to pause her career or her dreams and aspirations in sacrifice of their new family. Tawan wanted Ira to know that her work was just as important as hers especially now that she was starting a new job at a high end magazine that would greatly support them.
Ira knew Tawan was doing what Tawan always did when it came to her - worrying about things that did not exist. She was so excited that her fiancee found her new job because she knew how hard she had been working to finally make the money she had been aiming for as they got ready to spend the rest of their lives together as a family. Ira hated that Tawan stressed so much about work in relation to how it supported their future which is why she was hesitant to tell her she wanted to stay home and raise their family. She did not want her to be the sole breadwinner or engulfed by that stress.
It was all coming to a head and the tension could be cut with a butter knife. Ira had enough of the cloud hanging over them, especially as their wedding day approached, so she grabbed Tawan’s arm, who’s head was in the fridge looking for a snack, and dragged her to the couch. It was and still is their favorite spot to be with each other when they need to remind themselves that nothing mattered more at the end of the day but them and their family.
Tawan, laying in the corner across the chaise of the L-shaped couch and staring at the ceiling in deep concentration with Ira half on top of her, listened to her fiancee’s heart’s deepest desires. Though she would always support whatever Ira wanted to do, hearing her talk so passionately about wanting to explore motherhood made a tear form in the corner of her eye. She was not too surprised as Ira loved being around children and children loved hanging off of her. There was also the fact that Ira was an only child and knew of her parents struggle to conceive her, and it made a lasting impression of what she wanted for her future when the time came for her to start a family.
What touched the deepest parts of Tawan’s soul was not only how sure Ira sounded but how sure she was about doing this with her. For Ira, Tawan was the force and the push that she did not know she was seeking that would come into her life that made her contemplate these things.
To them both, it was as simple as 1+1 = 2.
So, after a strict one year newlywed commitment that they agreed to have to spend as much quality time together before parenthood consumed them, they began the process of in-vitro-fertilization. Tawan’s mom, a nurse, had supplied them with the best resources and connections they could have ever dreamed of, and her network extended beyond just babies so that Ira, who wanted to carry, had the best care available. Even if Tawan did not have her mother’s connections, she would move heaven and hell to ensure that her wife felt safe and protected to fulfill her journey to motherhood.
They had planned for twins - a girl and a boy - and cried when they heard their precious babies’ heartbeats in unison. They knew they were pregnant, but they also knew how unsure and difficult the IVF process could be, so they did not want to get their hopes up and planned everything around the first ultrasound. They were overjoyed at the sight of their small beans on the screen, so much so that Tawan, who used to hesitate with public affection in the early days of their relationship, grabbed Ira’s face and pressed the most passionate kiss on her lips.
Ira felt her tears of joy mix with her wife’s.
The pregnancy was a mostly healthy one up until the twins were born, the only stress being Ira getting irritable when she wanted random food cravings at two in the morning. A half sleep Tawan - who was mostly working from home at that time to be near Ira as she got further along - would get a swift smack to the stomach from the back of Ira’s hand and wake with a start. With her eyes barely open and struck by red veins of lightning, she would quickly blink and struggle to sit up as Ira pouted and furrowed her eyebrows asking for spicy noodles and chocolate cake from 7-11.
Tawan would only nod, eyes starting to droop dangerously low again and again, before she rubbed them and shook her head as she stumbled out of bed to put on clothes and grab shoes to head out.
When the twins were born, Tawan almost passed out at the sight of it all even with Ira being mostly hidden by the stirrups her feet were propped up on and a sheet covering her lower half. Her mother had tried to prepare her for their arrival, offering educational videos and personal stories, but Tawan insisted that she would be fine and wanted to experience her children’s birth as natural as she could for a first time. She was mostly wanting to be by Ira’s side to hold her hand and comfort her in whatever way she needed because her wife was getting more nervous as the day approached.
Star was born first and Tawan felt her heart skip a beat when she heard her cry and the doctor raised her to her before handing her to a nurse to check her over. Tawan immediately burst into tears at the sight of her daughter, unable to believe that she had finally arrived and was going to change their lives so much for the better. Tawan felt Ira squeeze her hand and looked down to her. She was bawling as she watched the love of her life watch what they created, knowing what this all meant, causing Tawan to reach down to press her nose into her hairline and her lips to her sweaty forehead.
They then looked into each others eyes and told each other how much they loved the other just as the doctor announced it was time to meet their baby boy. Tawan took a moment to stare into Ira’s eyes with a love that seemed to only find new ways to flourish. She thought her wife was the most magical, ethereal thing she had ever laid her eyes in this moment. Tawan was consumed by so many emotions as she held Ira’s gaze and pressed her lips to the back of her fingers before standing back up to look for her son.
Suddenly, like a dark shadow had casted across the room, Tawan’s senses were slammed with a ringing silence as she watched the doctor urgently look to her nurses and bark orders.
Her firm grip on Ira’s hand weakened as she tried to make sense of what was going on. Ira was so tired from the stress her body was undertaking, but her motherly instincts were suddenly heightened, and all it took was one look at Tawan and the shift in her demeanor to perk her up with worry. She gripped her wife’s hand and weakly pulled on it to get her to look at her to explain what was going on as her panic started to rise.
Sammy’s umbilical chord had wrapped around his neck and they were desperately trying to free him. They had no idea how long he had been choking on it, and they were trying to make sure that him and mom were safe as they worked to release him. Their doctor was the best in the hospital, a personal friend of Tawan’s mother, and her skills showed as she commanded her team with a firm calmness that did not give Tawan enough time to panic.
Tawan interlocked her fingers with Ira’s subconsciously, too stunned by what she was witnessing to move. She quickly debated leaving her wife for a moment to check on their son, but the thought of seeing something devastating paralyzed her. She gulped and looked to Ira, whose tired and wild eyes were brimming with panic and worried tears as she looked to her for answers. Tawan’s heart clenched so she forced herself to squeeze her hand before letting go to go check on their son, putting a hand to her churning stomach as she took quick steps to the medical team.
Ira was trying to pull everything she had within herself to not panic because her body had been her children’s home up until now. She grabbed her head in an attempt to calm herself then cupped her hands around her nose as sobs broke through. All she had to go on as to what was happening was the color from her wife’s face draining before she stepped away and her medical team talking in rushes using terms she was not familiar with.
As if the nurse that was working on her daughter knew she needed it, she brought Star over for Ira to distract her and, hopefully, calm her as the medical team worked. The nurse carefully laid Star’s head near Ira’s, their eyes meeting as her baby girl stopped whimpering now that she could smell her mother’s familiar scent. Ira stared at her in all her glory and immediately started crying at how innocent she looked and the way she seemed to nestle closer to her like a magnet. She pressed a kiss to her fresh face then stared at her as tears escaped her eyes.
The doctor had freed Sammy, causing Tawan’s knees to buckle, and was now working to get him to breath again. He had stopped breathing for what felt like the longest of minutes but was actually only seconds. He was starting to turn blue, so she began CPR on him and her team jumped into action already knowing what their role and duty was in the event something like this occurs. Tawan’s tears fell like heavy rain as she watched them try to save her boy, and she gripped her hand over her mouth and grabbed on to the end of the bed rail with her other hand as she felt her legs wobble.
She prayed like never before and asked that her son be spared in exchange for her life if that was what it took.
It was like the sound in the room had been sucked out and everything moved in slow motion. The air in the room was almost nonexistent for Tawan and she thought that she would need medical attention as the corners of her vision grew black and the room started to spin slowly. She did not know what to do and knew there was nothing she could do. This was her first taste of being a parent who had no control over how the world would treat her children, and it devastated her that she could not protect her son. It made her feel weak and useless that she could only watch. It was like something from a television show the way the medical team worked on Sammy.
Just as Tawan felt like she was about throw up as rush of uncertainty hit her, she heard the most joyous sound in the world.
Sammy started crying.
And Tawan actually fell to her knees bawling at the sound and what it meant.
The doctor, who was smiling with tears in her eyes from the emotional almost five minutes, showed Tawan her son. Tawan stared at him as she placed her hand over her heart, profusely thanking her and her team, and tucked her nose into the corner of her arm as hard tears hit her. Ira calling out for her snapped her out of her emotional state long enough to quickly stand and rush to comfort her. Tawan ran her hands over her wife’s hair a few times then cupped her face to brush her cheeks with her thumbs to soothe her as she told her Sammy was okay.
Ira, still crying, immediately believed her and grabbed her hands to hold. Tawan pressed their foreheads together and they both closed their eyes as the emotions of the room shifted from anxiety and panic to joy and love. They both knew that their future really started now, and Ira was so thankful to be on this journey with the love of her life while Tawan was thanking whoever was listening for sending her heart to her a few years ago. Because now, the souls of their souls were nestled like little spring rolls just a few feet away.
Ira would stay by Sammy’s side while he stayed in the neonatal intensive care unit for a few weeks. Tawan would cradle Star to her chest between their home and the NICU when they visited Sammy and Ira. This was the foundation from which they built their family.
All of this was why Ira was so hesitant about going back to work when the twins started their second year of school. They were now old enough to not need her as much, and she was struggling to find a reason or a purpose to continue being a stay at home mom when her children were off to school leaving her at home trying to make herself busy. Though also being a wife and taking care of the large house they had moved into was more than enough work on top of being a mom, Ira was feeling like she had fulfilled something and needed to find a new path.
Mali was working as a public relations consultant for celebrities and she had been pestering her best friend about working together. Ira seemed to always pout as she told Mali about being bored at home waiting for her children to get out of school, especially because Tawan was not always available for lunch to give her a boost in her mood. There was only so much gloom Mali could take seeing in her friend before she straight up told her she needed something to do and should look back into her modeling career.
Ira looked at her blankly before letting out a hearty laugh thinking her friend was joking as she was now a mother of two and about to be 30 years old soon. Though her and Tawan maintained a very healthy lifestyle, Tawan more so than her with her much stricter gym schedule, Ira knew she was far from her college physique. There was no way Mali sanely believe this, and she told her as much.
What she did not know was that Mali had already reached out to some contacts, including some of their classmates from college that Ira had already worked with on projects, and informed her of some interest she had created.
Ira thought she was lying or crazy, maybe even both, and rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms and shook her head at her. Mali simply held her stare as she copied her pose, and this caused Ira to shift uncomfortably under her gaze as it intensified and informed her she was not joking. She could not believe that these now highly respectable people were interested in her, but Mali reminded her that she always left an impression when she walked a runway or struck a pose for a photo.
The choice was hers. And Tawan was overly supportive of her doing it.
Tawan did not want to pressure Ira to going back to work mostly because she did not want her to think she had to. She had all the finances covered for their family after she got promoted to managing editor around when the twins turned four years old. If Ira wanted to continue to stay at home, Tawan would be more than happy to support her. In fact, her reasoning for wanting to support Ira’s return to modeling was because she knew how good she was at it and she always wondered where she would be now had she taken that path. Though, she would never trade the life they had and would forever be thankful to her wife for providing it for them.
As Ira reminisced about the past ten years of her life, a tear formed in the corner of her eye at how fast time had passed. Her babies would be turning seven and Tawan had been promoted to the highest position in her company. Her family was so busy and she felt like she was watching them pass her by. As much as it made her sad, she also recognized that she played a part in this by supporting them. Now, she was starting to feel like it was time to support herself and the thought made her emotional as it meant change from a routine she had cherished so much.
Mali cleared her throat and scooted her seat closer to the table. “Ira?” She coaxed with some concern.
Ira swallowed hard again. “Why me?” She asked quietly, mostly to herself.
Mali’s heart clenched at how small and unsure she sounded about herself. She reached across the table and tapped it to get her attention. Ira sniffed then looked up at her as tears brimmed her eyes. Her best friend smiled at her, so warmly that it made her smile back. Mali opened her hand and Ira let out a watery laugh as she sniffed again and placed her hand in hers. They squeezed hands and looked at each other, the feeling that something good was going to happen transferring between them.
“You are the best of the best and I have worked with them all,” Mali assured, squeezing her hand for extra affect. “There is no one, and I mean no one, I would want to do this with than you. I will bet on you every time. Just trust me.”
Ira smiled tightly at her as more tears formed, this time thankful ones as she saw the trust Mali spoke about. Whatever imposter syndrome she had and the negative feelings she felt, she knew she had the best of the best supporting her from her family to her friends. She would do this for her children, show them that time has no meaning as long as you try. Even when you fail, take it as a lesson, adjust, and be patient along the journey. Good things come at the right time and, besides, her loved ones would never let her fall.
At this, Ira slowly nodded in thought to herself, a smile breaking across her face at the possibilities. Mali saw this and started to grin as she recognized the fighting Ira she knew all too well. The one from college who turned all heads when she walked a runway. The Ira that had a way of making the camera look at her rather than the other way around. This was how things were always supposed to transpire.
“Sooooo…,” Mali trailed off, a happy and knowing glint in her eye. “Are we accepting this project in Paris or not?”
Ira looked up to her with sparkling eyes then took a deep and preparing breath. “Okay. Let’s do this, sis,” she stated confidently.
Both women looked at each other for a brief second before breaking out in cheers.