Support System
Chapter 3: Support System
“Alright, everyone, I think this is a good stopping point. Let’s break for lunch.”
Tawan smiled at her team and thanked them as they all stood to leave. They had been in a meeting for the last few hours going over everyone’s assignment for the launch of their next issue in less than a few months. Their goal, like it always was every year for the first summer issue, was to start strong so that they did not feel like they were limping across the finish line by the end of the season.
This one was a desperate one for them as they had been struggling to maintain a consistent subscriber base over the last six months.
“I think we have a good shot of hitting those numbers.
Tawan, half sitting on the conference table with arms crossed under her chest as she inspected their notes on the white board, turned to the voice then gave them a small smile. If it was not for Meena, Tawan would have probably quit or been fired a long time ago. They had developed a strong work relationship built on understanding and the chase to exceed expectations. Tawan had started at the magazine a year before Meena, and Meena was impressed by Tawan’s ability to train her with an ease that helped them both to learn to understand each other quickly.
“I hope so,” Tawan responded with a sigh, moving to shuffle papers.
“Oh, come on. Don’t do that,” Meena frowned.
Tawan gave a short laugh and looked up at her. “I’m sorry,” she relented and looked down at some notes.
“We have a solid plan, Tawan,” Meena reminded her, moving closer. “Don’t worry. We got your back”
“But Mr. Tek doesn’t have my back,” Tawan said, her biting irritation around the name. “We put so much work and time into these pitches and he kills nearly all of them. Or makes it his idea to gut it to be more of what he thinks. Then he gets mad at the numbers.”
Meena sighed, knowing she was right but not wanting to give in. “Well, then we just ignore him and do what we know is right,” she stated, standing straight and crossing her arms under her chest.
“Now you really are crazy,” Tawan laughed, shaking her head as she grabbed a folder.
“Try me,” Meena challenged, raising an eyebrow.
“Go to lunch, Meena,” Tawan said amusedly, pointing the folder at the door.
“Okay, okay,” Meena relented, raising her hands at her. “But I am serious when I say everyone in this office respects you to the point that they would do whatever you asked. Including doing what is right for this magazine.”
Tawan looked up at her, trying to contain her emotions as she felt a lump form in her throat. Though she would mostly blame stress for her emotional reaction to Meena’s words, she could never repay her team for all the hard work they do. She understood better than anyone just how important it was to be a strong and effective leader, having had Lily to look up to, but Mr. Tek lacked where Tawan was constantly reminded she excelled at when her team reacted to her leadership.
Often she wondered why she took the job opportunity with the magazine, Vibe/Me. She had left the world of investigative journalism due to the corruption she felt she met at almost every turn, and was wandering aimlessly hoping something would intrigue her. She had attended a luncheon for writers in Hong Kong and that was where she met Lily, who was one of the guest speakers. Tawan, one of the most skilled conversationalists when it came to the subject of writing, gravitated to Lily after the luncheon to speak with her further on her presentation.
Like Lily, Tawan had to deal with so much pushback from Mr. Tek when it came to the scope of the monthly issues they launched. The only difference was that Lily had long established her expertise, so Mr. Tek would give in to her demands and decisions. With Tawan, he made her feel like every idea she presented had to be squeezed of all life before he would make a decision. Tawan would win some battles in the early days of her top promotion, but the last year saw Mr. Tek almost always shooting her down with no explanation.
Tawan figured it was just him having a hard time with the many changes in the industry while dealing with his top, most experienced employee retiring. But, the more time went on and Tawan started to prove she had more than earned her new position, Mr. Tek seemed determined to be more hands-on. Lily had warned her that the man could be a helicopter boss, someone who hovered and inserted themselves in areas they were not needed, but Tawan was not prepared to be a lame duck of a boss.
Either Mr. Tek trusted her to do her job without his presence or he was the actual editor-in-chief with Tawan just there for show.
“I just need him to trust me to do my job,” Tawan said, almost a whisper and sighing mostly to herself.
Meena frowned at her words and slumped some as she was seeing there was not much she could say to support her colleague. Before Tawan’s promotion, they had discussed what they envisioned for their careers, and with the way Mr. Tek treated Tawan, which was essentially how he treated the rest of the office, she wished they had kept up with those conversations.
Nothing bonded employees more than workplace trauma, and everyone was starting to bubble towards an explosion.
“You know…,” Meena started, stepping to her side now, "my offer still stands on that thing.”
Tawan looked up at her, a quizzical eyebrow raised as she racked her brain on what she meant. Her mind was so fogged by what she was going to say in her pitch to Mr. Tek that she did not have much bandwidth for other thoughts. Meena laughed and placed her hands on the table to lean closer to her, as if she thought someone was listening. They had mostly kept this idea to themselves, using it as a topic of conversation when Mr. Tek had pissed the office off so bad that they needed something to cling on to or they would not survive.
“Launching our own magazine,” Meena reminded in a whisper.
Tawan took a second as realization dawned on her, letting on a long “oh". She could not remember the last time they had talked about this, maybe some months ago when things seemed more calmer. It was a way to disconnect from the stress of the work day by dreaming up their own vision of what a successful magazine would look like. Tawan was always surprised how she ended up in the world of fashion, but she would not trade it for any other experience. She had met so many wonderful people and made so many meaningful connections.
The art of fashion had impacted her so much in so many ways.
But as much as she would like to entertain Meena’s suggestion, it was just not the right time. Ira had just started working again, and though she was booking consistent work that coincided with the schedule she wanted, Tawan did not want to take a risk like that right now with their finances. They were more than okay with the money that Tawan made alone, and they even had a sizable savings, but that was for in the event of an emergency.
That money was for their family not to invest in a risky idea that could go either way.
Even both of their parents had offered to invest in the business proposal, but Tawan refused because they had been so helpful with securing their dream home before the twins were born. She would be forever thankful to them, especially because they refused for them to pay them back.
They told them it was a newlywed present and that they wanted to give something to help them start their journey of being a family. It was especially not up for debate when the young women informed their families of wanting to start the process of having children.
The more Tawan thought about their kindness and support, the more she felt like things were slipping through her fingers. No matter how hard she clenched and gripped her hands into tight fists, some things were out of her control. She had made a promise to Ira’s parents that she would forever take care of their daughter when they gave her their blessing to marry her. Ira would want for nothing and she would cross oceans of fire if it meant making her smile.
Tawan tripled all of these life commitments when their children were born, silently promising them that she would give them the world if they asked for it.I n this moment, though, she felt like she was at a crossroads in her career. And it affected her personal life so much more than she was comfortable admitting.
“My family…,” Tawan said quietly, voice threatening to crack so she cleared her throat quickly. “There's too much going on right now, Meena. Besides, I don’t have even close to my half of the investment we need just to break ground on it.”
Meena stared at her and pursed her lips to one corner. “I’m not trying to pressure you, Tawan. I just want you to not forget about it. It is doable,” she said, a gentle urging in her tone.
“I know,” Tawan replied, finally looking at her and giving her a small smile. “It is still my dream. There’s just a lot going on right now. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me,” Meena said, side-eyeing and smirking. “Just remember we have a backup plan in case this ship goes up in flames. Of which I am sure will be all of Mr. Tek’s fault.”
Tawan genuinely giggled at the thought of a ship on fire with Mr. Tek on it running around trying to put out the flames. Meena triumphantly raised her fist then reached it out to her and Tawan bumped her own against it, something they did at the end of a successful meeting between the two of them. Meena was Tawan’s right-hand woman after all being that she was their chief marketing and social media officer.
Without her expert knowledge and skill on what people were talking about, the magazine would have sunk a long time ago.
“You wanna grab lunch?” Meena asked as she pulled her phone out.
“No, you go ahead without me,” Tawan answered, scanning the last of her documents. “Thank you, though.”
“Alright, boss,” Meena said as she backed away. “Make sure you eat. I don’t want Ira giving me her death stare again because I let you skip lunch and get sick.”
“Okay, boss,” Tawan chuckled and shooed her away.
Meena gave a quick salute, making both women laugh, then exited out of the conference room. Tawan, feeling a little better and now a lot hungrier than earlier, gathered the rest of her papers to put in a folder to exit the room.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
“Hello, Dao,” Ira greeted, smiling brightly at the older woman. “How are you?”
“Mrs. Ira,” the elderly woman said just as brightly, standing to clasp her hands and bow her head. “I am well. Thank you for asking. How are you?”
“I am having a very good day, actually,” Ira responded as she returned the gesture. “I was in the area and thought I would stop by. Is she available?”
“For you, always,” Dao smiled knowingly. “Please, go right in. They just finished their meeting.”
Ira smiled thankfully and shifted her purse higher on her shoulder as she walked the familiar path. The office was just as familiar to her as the staff was, so she was always able to weave her way through the cubicles to the office tucked in the back corner. She also got a bit of a ego boost because the younger employees would be mesmerized by the way she seemed to float with an air of essence while the older employees seemed to regal at her aura as she swooped by them.
“My favorite model has decided to grace us with her presence,” she heard from behind, turning to see Meena.
“My favorite social media personality,” Ira said knowingly as she met her face-to-face.
Both women giggled before quickly meeting each other in the middle for a bear hug, Ira almost scooping up the shorter woman in excitement. It had been almost a month since she had last seen Meena because she was on vacation a few weeks ago and Ira was so busy with work. Ira always told Meena how glad she was that Tawan had her by her side at work because she knew how much of toll work had been on her wife the last year. Meena always brushed her off because they were work best friends and Meena depended on Tawan just as much as she did her.
“How have you been?” Ira asked excitedly as they pulled apart.
“Oh, you know me,” Meena said, a devilish smirk that made Ira copy her. “Here and there. All good, though.”
“Love it,” Ira said and raised her hand for a high-five. “Is my wife still here or is she on lunch?”
“I invited her to lunch but she rejected me,” Meena said with a joking frown. “But she can’t say no to the boss.”
“Damn straight,” Ira said, looking towards her office then back to her friend. “God, that stubborn woman. How is she?”
“Oh, you know,” Meena said with a deep sigh and looked at the office door. “Same old, same old. Mr. Tek will be here Monday to hear our proposal for the summer issue. Everyone’s stressed about what he will say with the deadline for the next phase approaching. So, of course, Tawan thinks she has to bear the weight of all of it.”
Ira, now looking at the door again, cursed under her breath. “I swear I am going to kill that man the next time I see him,” she said in a low voice so that only they can hear.
“I’ll help,” Meena whispered back, making them laugh to each other. “Get her out of here. I heard her stomach growl halfway through the meeting.”
Meena gave Ira a quick hug and a promise to do dinner with them soon once everything calmed down. Ira smiled and nodded, holding her to that as it had been a few months since she had even been over to their house for dinner. She let her know that the twins missed her as she walked away, and Meena told her to tell them that she would see them sooner rather than later. Once Meena disappeared around the corner, Ira turned back around to head to her wife’s office.
Tawan was tapping a pen to her chin in deep thought as she shuffled the papers she was studying of last quarter’s subscriber numbers and tried to connect them to a trend. She already knew the answer as to why their numbers were going up and down, consistency evading them at every turn. The issue, and challenge, was how to communicate it to the owner who thought his decision-making trumped all informed and critical reasoning for what needed to be done.
That frustrating thought almost made her throw the papers in the air.
“This is such a waste of my damn time,” she hissed in irritation.
Thankfully, a knock on the door forced her to look away from the mess.
“Come in,” Tawan said tiredly as she looked up the same.
Ira poked her head through the opened door, an opened-mouth smile as she looked towards where she knew her wife would be. Tawan almost instantly felt her troubles and worries slip away at the sight of her. Her body and mind relaxed as she reflexively stood to usher her to come, stepping away from her desk. Ira could see how mentally exhausted she was as she stepped in and towards her, but she hid her concern to not worry her more.
Instead, she quickly closed the distance between them to envelope her in a long hug.
“I came to take you to lunch,” Ira said by her ear, arms tightening around her neck.
Tawan smiled in her embrace, turning her head some to rest her nose in her neck. No matter how bad things got or how hopeless they felt, her wife’s touch always brought her back to the present and centered her. She rubbed her hands up her back then back down to pull her closer at the waist and hold her there. Ira smiled knowing that when she did this it meant she was starting to feel better than when she found her, so she closed her eyes to savor it a little longer.
“Where did you want to go?” Tawan asked as they pulled apart just enough to look at each other.
Ira tucked her wife’s hair behind her ear. “Lets go somewhere nearby so we can take a walk,” she said, smiling as their eyes met.
“Okay,” Tawan agreed, looking over her shoulder in thought. “There’s a new cafe a couple of streets over that looks good.”
“Perfect,” Ira said then grabbed her face to peck her lips. “Ready?”
Tawan nodded and felt around her pockets to make sure she had her phone and wallet. She then grabbed Ira’s hand to walk her out, Ira leaning into her touch and grounding her more.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tawan and Ira were seated at a small table in the back of the cafe sipping on chai tea as they waited for their food to come. Tawan did not want to talk about work because she knew her stressing would stress her wife, so she talked about how she wanted to have a relaxing weekend to prepare for next week. Ira agreed and told her she would make her favorite dinner tomorrow night and they would watch some movies with the twins to further unwind.
“Sooo…,” Ira started, waiting until she looked her in the eyes. “There is something I need to talk to you about.”
“Okay,” Tawan said, eyeing her both suspiciously and amusedly. “What’s up?”
Ira took a deep breath through her nose as she tried to contain her excitement. Tawan saw that a smile was trying to not break across her wife’s lips, so she sat up in her seat to lean closer on the table. Ira always had a contagious nature about her that made Tawan catch whatever it was that made her restless. It kept her young even thought there was only a five year age gap between them.
It was what they loved the most about their relationship: Ira’s childlike bubbly innocence melding perfectly with her elder statesman like maturity to keep them balanced.
“So, as you know I had my weekly morning meeting with Mali today,” Ira started, looking between her and the straw she was stirring in her drink. “And she had some good news to share.”
“Great,” Tawan said, smiling proudly and sitting straighter.
Ira laughed at her and shook her head. “You don’t even know what it is yet,” she said, a hint of shyness.
“Whatever it is, I know you more than earned it,” Tawan replied, moving her drink to the corner so she can lean closer on the table. “So, what is it? What’s next for my Sugar Momma?”
Ira laughed again, this time more loudly and with her head thrown back. Tawan joined in and moved Ira’s drink over some so she would not knock it over. It was a joke of their’s that started when Tawan agreed to her desire of being a stay-at-home mom. Mali had joked to Ira that she had found a Sugar Daddy - which was only a half joke considering the energy that Tawan exuded made women turn girly and fawn over her.
It was also brought to her attention how much of a “daddy” she was when the younger women, and some men, in the office ogled her and whispered behind her back, thanks to Meena’s ear always to the ground.
Ira immediately latched onto the descriptor and Tawan’s uneasiness at what the words actually meant faded. She just did not want people to mistake their relationship as unserious or something else negative, especially if they did not know them. Tawan also started to enjoy when Ira would call her that because, in a weird way to her, it meant Ira trusted her to take care of her.
So, she returned the favor by referring to her as her Sugar Momma when she went back to work, and especially when she started booking some big projects. Ira loved it every single time.
People found it so endearing how Tawan was such an aloof person who took seconds longer to understand most conversations around her. Let alone how attractive and mesmerizing she was physically as if she was unaware of her magnetic force to bring people to their knees. Ira, on the other hand, could make a room pop with laughter the way she eased into compliments about her looks. She was not a narcissistic person, though, and that much was evident when she would immediately smile so brightly with her teeth and make a funny face after showcasing the skills that plastered her face on adverts around the city.
“Okay, so, I have a new project,” Ira told her, biting her bottom lip for a dramatic pause. “Mali had been setting it up for months now without me knowing. It’s a big one.”
Tawan’s eyes widened and her eyebrows raised. “Is it theone?” She asked, leaning her head closer.
They were referring to the campaign or project that would launch her career towards luxury brands.
Ira started to grin uncontrollably, her gums peeking. “Yessss,” she said, bouncing some in her seat.
“Well, come on,” Tawan chuckled, motioning to her as her own excitement was building in anticipation.
Ira reached her hand across the table for her to grab and Tawan instinctively grabbed it. She watched her wife take another deep breath, preparing herself as if sharing this with her was very important. It made Tawan smile lovingly at her and squeeze her hand in support, knowing how hard she had worked to get to this moment and wanting to do nothing more than share it with her person.
It had been a long journey to get to where she was now, and she could not be more proud of how hard Ira worked and still managed to be at home every night to tuck their children in.
“Back in college I modeled for an older student’s fashion assignment,” Ira started, letting her hand go and looked to her. “He’s been working as an assistant creative director to the creative director of a new brand. They are getting really popular on social media and they’re looking for new talent to walk their summer line in a couple of weeks.”
“And you are that new talent,” Tawan said immediately, nodding her head in understanding.
“Yes,” Ira answered, smiling a little shyly at the way she looked at her. “Mali ran into him when she was on vacation, so they met up for dinner to catch up. When she told him about managing me, she shared some of my work and they exchanged contacts. He was impressed and said he would keep us in mind should anything come up.”
“I guess Mali was persistent then if it’s been as long as you say,” Tawan chuckled knowingly and reached for her drink.
“You know, Mali,” Ira said with a knowing smirk. “But he did keep his promise and he wants me to come out to walk.”
Tawan nodded as she took another sip of her drink before setting it down. Though she appreciated Ira always consulting with her before taking on work that required a major commitment from her, she always assured her that her career choices were hers to make and hers alone. They both knew that if they decided to make a life changing career choice that would affect their family then they would need to have a serious sit-down discussion.
Tawan trusted Ira completely the same way she knew it was the other way around.
“I’m so proud of you, babe,” Tawan said, looking at her deep in the eyes and holding her gaze. “You worked so hard this last year and nobody deserves this more than you.”
“Oh, my love,” Ira crooned and sniffed, a watery smile on her lips. “I would not have made it here without you. You always catch me when I’m falling.”
“Oh, stop it,” Tawan mumbled shyly, dipping her head then looking back up. “You did all of the work. I’m just glad I was here to see it.”
“I mean it,” Ira insisted and grabbed her hand again. “I was so scared to do this. I thought I didn’t have the 'look' anymore after having the twins. So much had changed in the industry and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the younger ones. If not for you encouraging me, I would not have done it.”
Tawan felt tears prick her eyes and looked away. “Ira,” she said, her throat lumping as she tried to dismiss her again.
“I’m serious, Tawan,” she persisted, squeezing her hand to make her look at her.
Tawan did not like to show her emotions in public so Ira knew that she was really touched by what she said. Ira had chipped away at Tawan’s walls when they started dating, and she was really the only person that Tawan felt she could be her most vulnerable with. Her wife brought an ease and calmness to a room that she had never experienced before, except for her mother who hovered over her when they permanently moved back to Thailand because she did not want her to be sad about leaving her life behind in Hong Kong.
“I love you,” Tawan said, so simply and exactly.
“I love you more,” Ira said back immediately, smiling so surely.
“So,” Tawan started, clearing her throat and smiling wider. “Tell me more. What else is there?”
“Well,” Ira said, smiling as she swallowed in preparation. “There is one more thing.”
Tawan raised an eyebrow at her curiously. “Uh huh,” she said.
Ira blew out a breath, starting to fidget with her wife’s fingers like she always did when she was nervous or had extra energy. It made Tawan look down to their hands then back up to her. She could not pin down if her wife was nervous or excited, but she was willing to bet that it was a combination of both. Tawan knew that whatever Ira was about to tell her would require her encouraging her throughout the whole process.
She was not going to let her miss out on this opportunity as long as she absolutely wanted it.
“It’s in Paris,” Ira mumbled, looking everywhere but at her.
Tawan barely heard what she said, so it took her moment to register it as she leaned closer to process what she thought she heard. As soon as she realized Ira said the city of fashion was where she was going to walk a runway, Tawan let out an excited sound. Ira jumped some in her seat as she had been drilling a hole with her eyes into their joined hands. She did not have time to react as Tawan stood up and rushed across the small space between them to grab her face to give her a passionate kiss.
“Paris!” Tawan exclaimed, throwing her head back some to laugh. “My wife is going to walk a runway in Paris, France!”
Ira laughed at her and grabbed her wrists. “Yes. Paris, France,” she answered, looking up at her with deep love.
There was a moment of silence as they stared into each other’s eyes, unspoken words passing though them. Tawan wanting her to know that she would always have her back, Ira wanting her to know that she would only do this if she did. Like always, the world around them seemed to fade away and the only thing that existed was them in this moment.
This form of communication was only something they could understand, the unspoken speaking very clearly.
“Don’t worry about me and the kids,” Tawan told her, forcing her to look deeper into her eyes. “Focus on your work. We will be here when you get back.”
Ira did not know why she was surprised that Tawan knew the one thing that made her hesitant to take this job. Her wife knew her better than anyone, maybe even better than her parents did and they knew her longer than anyone. She thought about her talk with Mali earlier, and even though she had committed to her to take the job, she still worried about her family. Tawan would be stuck taking care of the kids for ten days by herself and she hated the thought of not being there with all the stress she was also dealing with at work.
“I know, but you have so much going on at work right now,” Ira said in a rush, gripping her wrists.
“They are my children, too,” Tawan reminded, smiling and shaking her head as if she could read her mind. “It’s not babysitting. It’s also my job to take care of my babies as a loving parent does. When I go off for work, you take care of them. When you go off for work, I will take care of them. When we are together then we will take care of them together. We are both their mothers.”
Ira, still pouting some, reached her hand up to cup her cheek. “Ooohhh. What did I do to deserve you,” she said, rubbing her thumb near her mole.
Tawan chuckled and leaned back down to kiss her, this time slowly. Ira moved her hand back down to be holding both of her wrists again, turning her head some to deepen it. She tried not to smile at the thought that her wife must really be happy and excited for her to be kissing her like this in a cafe with other people around.
Tawan was so excited for Ira that she was finding it hard to contain herself and it made her forget her troubles at work which was a very much needed distraction.
They pulled apart and looked into each other’s eyes, a laugh escaping between them. Tawan had a sudden realization that Ira noticed and tilted her head in concern to prompt her to share.
“Sammy is not going to like this,” Tawan answered.
They both laughed at the thought of his reaction then Ira, taking a second to grimace at the imagine in her mind of his sad face, smiled as Tawan leaned down and pressed another kiss to her lips in congratulations and celebration.