Chapter 4
12th October, 1979
7.19am
Sirius’ eyes flickered open to find an empty spot next to him. “Moons?” He sat up. Remus had been out on an Order call last night. “Moony?” A sickly nervous feeling filled his stomach. He stood up and hurried down the stairs.
“I’m here, Padfoot, it’s fine.” Remus was sitting on the balcony in his pyjamas, his legs tucked up next to him on the chair.
“Oh, thank fuck.” Sirius exhaled and joined him. “You scared me. I didn’t hear you come home last night.”
“Yeah, you were out cold. I kind of assumed you were dead, actually.”
“I’m a heavy sleeper.”
“I know. Go put a shirt on, Sirius.”
“And hide my glorious chest from the world? Never. What are you doing up?”
Remus didn’t look at him. “Nothing. Wanted to see the sunrise.”
Sirius looked at him, furrowing his brow. “Are you sure you’re OK, Remus? You seem a little…”
“I’m fine,” Remus said sharply. Sirius blinked, rather surprised.
“Okay. I…I’m going to go get dressed.”
12th October, 1979
7.51am
“I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier,” said Remus, rubbing his eyes. “There’s no excuse.”
“Remus, if you’ve learnt anything from me it should be that there’s always an excuse. You’re sick? Voldemort possessed you to make you do it? McGonagall, in cat form, said it when you opened your mouth to take a sip of tea?”
“How about my dog ate my patience?” suggested Remus with a grin. Sirius shoved him.
“Rude.”
“I’ll make pancakes to apologise.”
“Fuck yeah. You should yell at me all the time. Hang on, wait, no, that would crush me.”
Remus shook his head.
3rd November, 1979
2.55pm
“I made you…a thing,” said Remus awkwardly. Sirius looked at him, concerned.
“What?”
“A cake. I made you a cake. I made a cake. A coffee one.”
Sirius grinned. “No shit?”
“I—yeah. It’s not great. It might taste like salt. What’s wrong? Are you terrified by the prospect, or something?” Remus stared at him. Then, slightly gentler: “Hey, what’s going on?”
“It’s the first time anyone’s ever…done that for me before,” said Sirius.
“No, it isn’t. Surely Euphemia—”
“Isn’t big on cakes, actually,” said Sirius.
“Well, be warned, it’s a bit shit,” Remus said matter-of-factly.
“I love you, Remus.”
Remus looked a tad surprised. “I love you too, Sirius. Now, do you want some, or not?”
“Yes.” Sirius took a bite. “Good God, this is an abomination. Did the spirit of Lily take over you while you were making this?”
“I knew I used salt.”
28th November, 1979
3.04pm
“Remus? Remus? Remus? Remus? REMUS—” The door opened suddenly and Lily nearly punched Remus in the face.
“Stop hitting our door,” said Remus. “What did it ever do to you?”
Lily swallowed, looking rather pale. “OK, so I have…news.”
“Oh—oh, God. Come in. Sit down.” She walked in and sat down on the sofa.
“You’ll want to sit down.”
Remus sat down next to her and took her hand. “Did he go bravely?”
“What?” Lily looked deeply confused. “James isn’t dead.”
Remus sighed in relief. “Oh thank God.”
“No, Remus, I’m—I’m pregnant. You’re going to be an uncle.”
Remus Lupin, the eternally cool and collected, fully screamed. Sirius came running down the stairs.
“WHERE ARE THE DEATH EATERS—WHO HURT YOU—LILY, YOU EVIL BETRAYING SWAMP WITCH—”
“Padfoot, no,” said Remus. Lily stood up, walked over him and took his hands.
“Sirius. I have some news.”
Sirius’ eyes widened. “How did he die?”
“What—no! Why—James is fine. Sirius, I need to ask you…”
“Yes, I’ll marry you after you’ve divorced James.”
“Stop going off topic!”
James entered through the apparently still-open door. “Sirius, has Lily told you yet?”
“No, she said you were dead,” said Sirius, who was somehow holding a bagel.
“I did not say that!” cried Lily, after James looked at her, slightly insulted.
James walked up to him. “Padfoot, my dearest, oldest, most trusted friend—”
“I’m right here, Prongs,” said Remus, looking lightly offended. James ignored him.
“I’m pregnant,” said James seriously. “Will you be the godfather?”
Sirius crumpled and collapsed onto the floor.
“Did he just die?” whispered Lily. Remus leaned his head over the sofa and shook his head.
“He’s still breathing.”
“I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG—FOR THIS—MOMENT,” sobbed Sirius. “THERE’S A BABY! AND I GET TO BE THE COOL UNCLE! OH MY GOD—THE COOL GODFATHER.”
“REMUS, YOU’VE GOT THE NEXT ONE!” yelled James, pointing at him dramatically. Lily laughed.
“You certainly do, Lupin. You’re next godfather, and that’s a promise,” said Lily. “Oh, this baby is going to have eight thousand siblings.”
“Was this planned?” asked Remus.
“Hell no,” said James. “Absolutely not. Oh my God, I’m going to be a dad! I’m going to be a dad!”
“I was panicking at first because, you know, I’m so young, and I’ve got a lot of my life to go, but that bitch over there is pitching in,” said Lily, pointing a thumb at James.
“Hell yeah I am, this bitch isn’t raising that baby alone,” he said. “Ooh! We need to go ask—“
“We’re asking Marlene to be godmother,” said Lily. “We chose one each. Next time, we’re going to do the same thing the other way around.”
Remus shook his head. “What? I understood none of that, you are babbling.”
“I’M EXCITED. I’M HAVING A BABY.”
“Next baby, Lily’ll choose the godfather and James’ll choose the godmother,” explained Sirius. “I can read his mind.” He pointed at James at the exact time James pointed at him.
“That’s terrifying,” sighed Lily. “Come on, Jim. Let’s go. Fingers crossed!”
24th December, 1979
5.23pm
“WE’RE HEEEERE,” bellowed Lily, coming through the bookstore door carrying a bottle of Fancy Alcohol and some fizzy grape juice, because tonight, for the first time, Lily Evans was going to stay sober. There were cheers from the small flat above the bookstore. James hugged her from behind. She laughed. “Come on, James, we have to go up.”
“Are you sure we can’t stay over for Christmas?”
“We need to get back. My parents are coming over, because of the baby, and stuff. You know this.”
He sighed. “Yeah, I know.”
“Come on, let’s go up.”
24th December, 1979
7.59pm
“I LOVE YOU GUYS,” yelled Sirius. “Happy fucking Christmas.”
“Happy Christmas!” came the general consensus.
“EVERYTHING IS BULLSHIT,” shouted Marlene. “Everything is bullshit and you are the constants.”
“To…constant-ness!” cried James, stone cold sober.
“To constantness,” replied Dorcas, deeply drunk.
“It is very weird being sober right now!” said Lily, laughing.
“I kNOW, RIGHT!” yelled James. “I LOVE EVERYONE HERE! I LOVE YOU GUYS! SO MUCH!”
Remus was drinking vodka again.
25th December, 1979
1.04am
“Happy Christmas, babe,” said Lily, looking fondly at James, his arm around her shoulders.
“Happy Christmas.” James kissed her.
“We should get a car,” sighed Lily. “We can’t keep walking back like this.”
“True. It’s cold.”
“Mm. And I’m pregnant.”
“You are indeed. We’ll head down to the car dealership tomorrow and find one. Wait, I don’t have any Muggle money.”
“I know a guy. Er—one Galleon in pounds was like…£5 in 2001, and an average car’s about £12,000 in 2018—fucking Brexit—so that’s a 1:5 ratio, so it’s x:12000—um, it’ll be about 2400 Galleons if we ignore inflation and assume the wizard economy is really weird.”
“I understood none of that except 2400 Galleons.”
“Yeah,” sighed Lily. “Cars are an investment, and we’re starting a family. We need to think about that. Maybe I should get a real job.”
“We have enough, Lils. Way more than enough.”
“Oh.” Lily paused. “OK.”
“Yeah—I’m terrible with money, I’ve always had too much, and never really learnt how to manage it,” said James. “But you’re…not. So the combination of you being good with money and me having a lot of it means we…still have a lot.”
“Huh. Let’s buy a car.”
25th December, 1979
7.48pm
“We wiSH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY—”
“Shut up,” laughed Dorcas. “You’re terrible, Marly!”
Marlene dived next to her on the sofa and rested her head on her lap. “I know.”
“I’m going to lock up, OK? I’ll be back in a second.” Dorcas gently pushed her up and kissed her cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too, you sap. Be quick, Doctor Who’s on soon.”
26th December, 1979
3.06am
“Who the hell is knocking on the door at this time of night?” asked Remus, sitting up groggily.
“I’ll get it,” said Sirius croakily. “If I get murdered I deserve it.” Sirius hastily put on a dressing gown and headed down the stairs to open the door.
“Sirius,” said Arthur Weasley, looking rather more serious than usual.
“Arthur?” Sirius looked confused. “What are you doing here at three in the morning? Have you become a wild party man?”
“I’m afraid I have some news. Bad news.”
Sirius opened the door fully. “Come in. Should I get Remus down?”
“If you can.”
Sirius hurried upstairs and shook Remus awake. “It’s Arthur. Something’s happened.”
“What?” Remus sat up. “Is someone—is everyone OK?”
“I don’t know.” They went downstairs.
Arthur exhaled. “You may want to sit down, boys.”
They didn’t. Sirius unconsciously took hold of Remus’ hand. Arthur glanced, but didn’t appear to think much of it.
“Last night…some Death Eaters attacked the store of Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes. We’re told the Dark Lord himself was there.”
Sirius held on tighter.
“There were no survivors.”
A ringing filled Sirius’ ears. Arthur was still talking, gently, quietly, but Sirius could hear nothing he was saying.
“…have to get back to headquarters, Dumbledore’s expecting me.” Arthur left with a ‘so, so sorry for your loss’.
They stood there in silence for a few seconds.
“Marly,” said Sirius hoarsely. “Dorcas.”
Shock, thought Remus, was an interesting thing. He had experienced loss before; everyone had. However, he had never experienced a loss quite so jarring, quite so unexpected. He felt like someone had punched him directly in the stomach. They couldn’t be gone—he had seen them just over a day ago—they had been fine. They were fine. They were fine, and so in love with each other, and laughing, and fine.
“I’m going to…make tea,” he said quietly. Sirius nodded and let go of his hand.
“OK. I need to call Lily and James. Peter, too.”
“Yeah. Yes.”
Sirius punched in the number and waited for someone to pick up.
“Hello?” came James’ rather tired voice. Sirius was about to say something when he heard a tea mug smash. He hung up quickly and went into the kitchen. Remus was crying.
Remus didn’t cry often—or at least, didn’t let Sirius see him cry often. Sirius didn’t know quite what to do; the last time he had seen Remus cry was—God, he didn’t know. It must’ve been after his mum died. Marlene and Dorcas were dead. That last thought shook him out of his thoughts, and Sirius took Remus’ hand.
“You’re freezing, Moony.”
Remus just looked at him helplessly.
“Fuck the tea. Listen, go get a jumper on. I’ll call James and Lily.” Marlene and Dorcas were dead.
“OK. All right. I’m sorry.”
Sirius smiled softly. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He headed back to the phone.
“Not again. If this is a prank call, I swear to God I’ll find you and murder you,” said James.
“No—James, it’s me.” Marlene and Dorcas were dead.
“Sirius? It’s the middle of the night. What’s happened?”
Sirius swallowed. “It’s bad, Prongs. It’s really…it’s bad. Listen, I know it’s late, but you—will you come over?”
There was a shuffling on the other end. “I—why? What’s happened?” he repeated.
“I really…I’d much rather tell you in person, OK? It takes five minutes to get to ours. Lily should come, too.”
“Yeah. Yeah, alright—babe, wake up—I’ll see you soon, Padfoot.” James hung up. Sirius quickly punched in the next number. No reply. He supposed Peter would have to find out in the morning. Marlene and Dorcas were dead.
26th December, 1979
3.21am
“Sirius.” James pulled him into one of his Trademark Rib-Cracking Prongs Hugs. Lily went in, saw Remus John Lupin’s face tear-streaked, and flew to his side.
“What’s happened? Jesus, Remus? What’s happened?”
“Marlene and Dorcas are…” Sirius swallowed. “Voldemort killed them.”
Tears began to fall from Lily’s eyes, but she didn’t quite seem to register them; she was staring at Sirius. James looked as though he’d just been punched in the gut. There was silence for a few minutes as it sank in.
“I wanted to say…goodbye.” Lily shook her head. “I always thought I’d be able to say goodbye.”
“Marlene was…godmother. And Dorcas had the next one,” said James. “She was my groomsman.”
“Exploding Snap,” said Remus suddenly.
“What?” James stared at him.
“We’re playing Exploding Snap.”
There was a pause.
30th December, 1979
6.47pm
“…Then there’s the matter of the funeral,” said Frank, a gloomy atmosphere hanging over the whole Order. Dumbledore stood up.
“At this time I do not think it wise—”
“To have a funeral?” Lily interrupted him. “All due respect, Dumbledore, but I will not allow the memories of my best friends to go unacknowledged.”
Sturgis Podmore, a grim-looking blonde man, shook his head. “Large numbers of Order affiliates in one place are bound to be a Death Eater magnet—”
“It’s not up for debate,” said Lily sharply. “Second of January, for all of you who are loyal to those you fight with.”
2nd January, 1980
3.02pm
“Snow.” Lily looked up at the rather depressingly grey sky. James took her hand and looked with her.
“Where’s Sirius gone?”
“I don’t know. To throw up, or cry, or something.”
James looked at her. “You know what that means, then.”
“What?”
“We have to send our best man after him.”
2nd January, 1980
3.09pm
“Hey, Black.”
“Go away,” came the muffled voice from the toilet stall.
“No.”
Sirius opened the door reluctantly, his face puffy. “Frank?”
Frank put his hands on his hips. “I have to talk to you. About something…serious.”
Sirius’ eyes widened. “I’m always serious.”
“Seriously, I have to talk to you.”
“To be Frank, I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
“Come on now, you siriusly have to have gotten it by now.”
“Frankly, I’m offended that you’d even bring this up.”
“Why so Sirius, Black?”
“Now, enough puns. This is a…grave situation.”
Frank’s face cracked and both of them started howling with laughter, Sirius crying again—but this time, in a less Sad way.
“Oh, thank God, you did it,” sighed Alice in relief, kissing Frank. Sirius yelled.
“Where did you come from? This is the men’s bathroom!”
Alice gave him a sad smile. “Filling in for Marlene. She’s otherwise engaged.”