gateway drug

Bela sat down at a table she very consciously picked out because of its position in the middle of the big room. Hopefully being in the center of the dining hall at the busiest time of day would make what she had to do a whole lot easier. She stared down at her plate, knowing she wasn’t going to eat hardly anything she just got a bowl of Fruit Loops cereal and a boxed water. She knew she had to do this, Arvind didn’t deserve what she would inevitably do to him if they didn’t break up today but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Her phone buzzed and she looked down to see two texts, one from Arvind, sporting a red heart next to his name that read, “Hey, I’m at the dining hall! What table are you at?” and another one from “tay <3” that said, “good morning bela” despite it being a little after noon, with another text following it, “what are we doing today?”. Both texts made her stomach feel weird but in different ways. Arvind’s text made her feel like she wanted to throw up and Taylor’s made her feel like she did before the first meeting of the Foxy, nervous but knowing it was going to have a good outcome.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Arvind pulling out the seat across from her and sitting down. "Okay, I’m here. Should I be worried, or is this just about something random, like you wanting me to watch another movie with a weird amount of sex scenes?" He asked. “Because if that’s what this is about then it’s fine, if you like the movie we can watch it.”

This seemed to be proving more difficult than Bela had originally thought. It was clear in his voice how much Arvind cared for Bela and it hurt her to hurt him. “It actually is kind of serious…” Bela began while looking down at her hands.

“So, what’s going on? You know you can just tell me, right?" He put his hand on hers and looked at her with his big brown puppy dog eyes that made her almost completely abort mission, but then her phone buzzed again. Her mind immediately went to Taylor, hoping that the buzz was a text from the blonde which solidified to Bela that she was doing the right thing.

She took a deep breath and committed. "Oh, yeah, um, it’s nothing too crazy. I just... wanted to talk about, like, us, you know? But not in a bad way! I mean, not bad-bad, just like... I’ve been thinking." Arvind stared at her in silence, creating an awkward pause that of course Bela felt the need to fill. "It’s just, you’re so great, and I feel like we’ve had such a good thing, and you’re honestly one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. Like, you’re the human equivalent of a weighted blanket." She wasn’t lying. Arvind was like the perfect guy, but Bela was far from perfect and as much as she cared for Arvind, she had been realizing recently that all her romantic ideas of him were pushed by some unconscious need to please her parents. If she wasn’t going to be a doctor or whatever, she might as well have the perfect husband. But that isn’t what she wanted, so she turned the conversation back in the right direction. "Ugh, sorry, I’m babbling. Let me just... Okay. I’ve been feeling a little... off lately, and I think we should talk about that."

From the look on his face, anyone could tell that Arvind knew what was coming. But, in his nice guy fashion, he stayed present in the conversation and even held out a little hope. He had noticed Bela getting closer and closer to Taylor over the course of her and Arvind’s relationship and as much as he didn’t want to acknowledge it, Taylor would be good to Bela, he knew it. "You don’t have to apologize. Just say whatever you need to. I’m listening." He squeezed Bela’s hand the same way Bela had done Taylor’s wrist the night before. God, she hated that she couldn’t get her mind off of the girl even during a moment like this.

"You’re amazing, and I mean that. Like, you’re funny, and smart, and honestly just... the kind of guy every girl would want. But I feel like... something’s missing for me. And that’s not your fault. It’s just... I don’t know." Bela realized that she was rambling and took a moment to collect her thoughts and get her point across clearer. "What I’m trying to say is, I think I need to take a step back. Figure out what I’m feeling. And I feel awful saying this because you’ve been so great, but I don’t think I can keep pretending everything feels right when it doesn’t." Her voice was filled with guilt and also true sincerity, all while trying to make sure Arvind knew that it was nothing he did wrong.

He easily picked up on her hesitancy and continued on, handling the breakup with grace as he had already suspected this was coming. "I get it, Bela. Relationships can be... complicated. And if something doesn’t feel right for you, then you’re doing the right thing by saying something." He paused, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Look, I’m not going to lie—this sucks to hear, but I’ve been getting the sense that maybe your head’s been somewhere else lately. And that’s okay. I just want you to be happy, even if it’s... not with me."

Bela felt a mix of guilt and relief that Arvind was being so understanding. Heartfelt and a little awkward, she responded. "Arvind, you don’t know how much I appreciate you saying that. I was so scared to bring this up because the last thing I wanted was to hurt you. You’ve been... amazing. Seriously." She fidgeted, looking down for a moment before continuing, "You’re right, though. My head has been all over the place, and it’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who can give you 100%, and I—" She cut herself off, taking a deep breath. "I just don’t think I can do that right now." Realizing how heavy the conversation was, she tried to lighten it slightly, of course by throwing in a little joke with a light laugh. "But please know it’s not because of you. Like, if anything, you’ve set the bar ridiculously high for whoever’s next." Her voice was tinged with guilt, proving that she ultimately did care about Arvind. Just not in the way she should’ve.

"You don’t need to feel guilty about this. It’s life, and sometimes it’s messy. Just... promise me one thing?" He paused for effect before finishing with a small, teasing smirk. "Whoever’s next better be worthy of you. Because you’re kind of a lot to live up to, too."

Bela laughed and stood up, leaving her tray of food behind having not thought about it. It had become habit for Arvind to take her plate for her. “I’ll see you around, Arvind.” She told him with a quick glance at her phone that had buzzed again. “hello??????” it read from none other than Taylor. And then another, “r u ignoring me?” Bela rolled her eyes at her phone with a smile. Taylor could be so needy sometimes.

Bela and Arvind said their goodbyes and Bela walked away. A big part of her was upset, even though she broke up with him and not the other way around, it still kind of hurt. He was a really good guy and it was hard not to have a nagging feeling that she was seriously messing things up. But on the other hand, she knew this was the only thing she could do to ensure her happiness. She walked back to her dorm to change into a little bit cuter of an outfit, making sure to shoot Taylor a text on the way. “I’ll be at urs in a few” followed by another, “And I have news”.

Bela walked into her suite to find all three of her roommates sitting in the common room. Whitney and Kimberly on the couch talking about Whitney’s fish lab and Kacey in one of the chairs reading some kind of magazine. Bela slumped in between Kimberly and Whitney on the sofa and let out a loud sigh, clearly wanting attention from the other girls.

“Dude, are you good?” Whitney asked, slightly amused at Bela’s dramatics.

“I did it,” Bela announced, “I broke up with Arvind.”

“What? Why?” Kimberly asked. “He’s like the perfect guy!”

“I know and that is what made it so hard,” Bela explained. “I had to do it though.”

Whitney and Kacey, who had finally got her attention drawn from her magazine, gave each other a knowing look and tried to get Kimberly in on it too but she seemed to be oblivious to what they had noticed over the past few weeks.

“Then why?” Kimberly urged on, “I’m sure if it was like a sex thing you could’ve worked through it,” She put her hand on Bela’s arm earning a look of disappointment from the Indian girl.

“It wasn’t a sex thing,” Bela rolled her eyes. "It’s just... I don’t know, okay? I mean, Arvind is amazing, but it didn’t feel right anymore."

"Not right? What does that even mean? He’s, like, objectively perfect—smart, funny, nice, cute." Kimberly stayed confused.

"Maybe let her finish." Whitney interjected.

Kacey leaned forward with a smirk, "Yeah, Kimberly. I think we all already know what’s going on here anyway."

Bela gave them a nervous laugh. Yeah she hadn’t given a thought when Kacey mentioned it last night, but she was also a little drunk. "What are you talking about?"

Whitney raised an eyebrow, "Oh, come on, Bela. You’ve been all heart-eyes and weird around Taylor for weeks now."

Kacey nodded in agreement, "Yeah, you’re not exactly subtle. You talk about her all the time and you text her more than I’ve ever seen anyone text anyone."

Bela, who was now sporting a light shade of pink on her cheeks, threw the pillow from behind her at the redhead. "I text other people too! I just... maybe I have a little bit of a crush on her. Like, a tiny one. Minuscule."

Kimberly’s eyes widened as she leaned towards Bela. "Wait. What? Taylor? Our Taylor? The one who makes fun of everything and acts like she hates everyone? That Taylor?"

Bela groaned and covered her face with her hands, "Yes, that Taylor. Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, okay? I didn’t mean for this to happen. It just... did."

Whitney gave her a soft laugh and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "There’s nothing wrong with you, Bela. Honestly, it’s kind of sweet. In a chaotic, ‘this is definitely going to be messy’ kind of way."

Kacey grinned at the idea of the entertainment she would be getting from this. "Messy or not, I’m here for it.” She was lying; she would definitely prefer it to be messy. Not any hate to Bela, there just hadn’t been anything interesting going on recently. “You and Taylor is a plot twist I didn’t see coming, well not until like two weeks ago, but I’m not mad about it."

Kimberly sat, still stunned by the news. "But... Taylor? Like, seriously? I mean, I guess... opposites attract? I don’t know. This is blowing my mind."

Bela sighed and sank deeper into the couch. "Great. Now I regret saying anything."

"Too late. We’re invested now. So, what’s the plan? Are you going to tell her?" Whitney teased.

Bela let out another groan, "I don’t know! Maybe? I mean, what if she doesn’t feel the same way? Or worse—what if she does?"

"Oh, this is going to be good." Kacey laughed.

"Yep. We’re officially in the ‘Bela loves Taylor’ era, and I’m here for it." Whitney smiled wide. She was happy for Bela. Arvind was a great guy but knowing Bela, Taylor is exactly the type of person she needs to keep her entertained.

Kimberly finally came around to processing it. "I mean... I guess I can kind of see it. Maybe. But you’re sure about this?"

Bela nodded slowly, "Yeah. I think I am." The nervous smile on her face stayed for a few seconds as she thought about it.

“So much for being horny for nice,” Whitney laughed, poking fun at Bela from what she had said upon first liking Arvind.

At that, Bela stood up and went into her room. “Well Taylor has been texting me asking to hang out so I’m going to go get ready.” Bela smiled before closing the door. She had to put on the perfect outfit, nothing too flashy but enough to impress her. She wasn’t sure if Taylor liked her, just cause she was gay didn’t mean that she liked Bela back. But if she didn’t, Bela could definitely get her to.

She looked through her closet trying to find the perfect outfit, ultimately deciding on a black fitted t-shirt with a subtle feminist reference on it, her green zip up over it, grey baggy sweatpants, and green sneakers to match the jacket. It was perfect, casual and not too much but enough for her to feel cool. She put on the outfit and looked at herself in the mirror quickly to make sure the outfit looked as good on as it did in her head and sat down to do her makeup. Then, her phone buzzed with yet another text from Taylor, “u were taking too long i’m at ur room”. Thankfully she had just finished getting ready as she heard the knocking on the suite door and quickly went to go answer it, not as quick as Kimberly though.

“Hi, Taylor!” Kimberly greeted enthusiastically, turning to Bela and throwing a wink which in turn caused Bela to give her an eye roll.

“Is your voice always so high pitched?” Taylor asked Kimberly. Bela gave her a look of disapproval as she had already asked Taylor to be nicer to her roommates. Taylor, realizing she had been a bit harsh and catching Bela’s disapproving look, attempted to soften the blow in her usual sarcastic but endearing way. She gave a small smirk, "Sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was... your voice is just so cheerful all the time. It’s like you’re the human version of a cartoon character." She glanced at Bela, gauging her reaction, before adding with a slight shrug, "It’s... impressive, actually. I don’t think I’ve ever been that… chipper in my entire life." This kept Taylor’s sarcastic image intact while reframing her comment into something that sounded more like an awkward compliment than an insult. Taylor thought it was genius and it was enough for Bela to drop it and Kimberly to brush it off. Kacey and Whitney sat and watched in amusement.

Kimberly gave her a confused look, “Thank you?”

“Of course,” Taylor replied confidently before turning to Bela. “So where are we going?”

Bela never did think about what they were doing and came up with something on the spot. Taylor was usually happy to just tag along to whatever Bela was doing so she figured that would be enough, “Well I have to go by the medical center and fill out some forms about some kid that fell off a skateboard while drunk last night, but after that we can go to Sipps?”

Taylor shrugged in agreement and turned around to leave, to which Bela quickly followed, throwing a quick goodbye wave to her roommates. “So what was the news?” Taylor asked as they began making their way to the medical center.

Bela started casually with a hint of nerves present in her voice, "So, uh, I broke up with Arvind yesterday."

Taylor quickly glanced up at Bela and raised an eyebrow. She definitely wasn’t expecting this and she would be lying if it didn’t plant a seed of hope in her mind. "Really? Didn’t see that coming. How so?"

Bela shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, "I don’t know... it just wasn’t working, you know? Like, he’s a great guy and all, but something felt off. It wasn’t fair to keep dragging it out when I wasn’t all in."

Taylor studied Bela for a moment and tried her best to keep her voice neutral but there was a hint of curiosity that she couldn’t hide. "Huh. He’s, like, the perfect boyfriend on paper, though. You’re sure this wasn’t just, like, some kind of weird commitment freakout?"

Bela looked at Taylor, slightly offended but decided to ignore it knowing that’s just how Taylor is. "No! I mean, maybe a little, but this time it’s different. I just... needed to be honest with myself about what I really want." She said trying to keep the conversation light so she wouldn’t have to say more than she wanted.

"Fair enough. That’s... surprisingly mature of you, actually." Taylor replied, her tone softening slightly.

Bela playfully rolled her eyes, "Gee, thanks. Glad to know I’ve set the bar so low for maturity."

Taylor gave Bela a small smirk. "Hey, I call it like I see it. But seriously, good for you. It takes guts to do that."

“Thanks, Taylor.” Bela gave her a smile. “You’re being oddly nice.”

Taylor rolled her eyes, “You told me I could be nice with you, and I’m trying to do that.” She explained.

Bela grinned, clearly amused. "Aw, look at you, following instructions. I’m so proud."

"Don’t get used to it. It’s exhausting." Taylor deadpanned with a bit of a smirk.

Bela laughed lightly, "Being nice is exhausting? You really are allergic to emotions, huh?"

"Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to Dr. Phil. Tell me, Bela, how does that make you feel?" Taylor retorted sarcastically.

"Fine, fine. I’ll take what I can get. But seriously, thanks. It means a lot that you’re trying." Bela smiled.

"Yeah, well... don’t make me regret it." Taylor softened slightly, her tone seeming more sincere.

"Oh, I will. Just wait." Bela grinned mischievously.

Taylor shook her head with a smirk. "You’re insufferable."

"And yet, here you are, still talking to me." Bela teased. They continued their walk to the medical center and Taylor sat silently watching Bela (or more accurately, Bela’s ass in those sweatpants) stand at the nurse’s station filling out the forms.

Taylor found her gaze drifting to Bela more often than she cared to admit. It wasn’t just the way her outfit seemed to cling to her in all the right places, though that was undeniably part of it. It was the way Bela moved with this mix of confidence and chaos, somehow managing to be both magnetic and exasperating. She noticed the way Bela’s hair bounced when she turned her head, the way her lips pursed slightly in concentration as she scribbled on the forms, and even the way she tapped the pen against the counter absentmindedly. It was so... Bela. Taylor tried to look away, to focus on anything else, but her attention kept snapping back. There was something infuriatingly captivating about Bela’s presence, like she was a firework about to go off at any second—bright, loud, and impossible to ignore. And as much as Taylor wanted to dismiss it as just a fleeting thought, the truth was more unsettling: Bela wasn’t just attractive; she was... intriguing. And Taylor just couldn’t look away.

“Alright, now that that’s over,” Bela began, pulling Taylor out of her thoughts. “Let’s go,” Bela smiled and they walked to Sipps arm in arm, of course initiated by Bela.

They walked talking about whatever random topics came up as they ventured across the college campus and of course, both silently freaking out over the contact of their arms and how close together they were walking. At every silent moment, they both brainstormed how to make a move and both chickened out before making one. Though they both promised themselves that they would do so very, very soon.