Amity Blight stood completely still. The wind was blowing the chilly January air across her face, lifting her lavender hair and letting it play in the breeze. It was mild for January, only 40 degrees Fahrenheit. Many would consider it cold, but not Amity. Not as she stood on the edge of the bridge, looking at a river flowing nearly 80 feet below her.
While she appeared calm and composed standing there, her mind was racing. It played through her memory, showing her life to her. Some of the memories were accurate, and some warped, corrupted through years of trauma and struggle with mental illness. Tears started rolling down her face as she relived some of the worst moments of her 25 years on Earth.
—--
Amity was 6 years old as she ran up to the front door of her friend’s house. Her mother had agreed to bring her to visit her friend. “It’s never too early to learn about networking,” her mother had said. The friend in question was none other than Willow Park. Willow and her dads had let Amity in and shown her the most amazing time she had ever had at the time. When Amity had scraped her knee, they even sang a funny song and made sure she laughed and knew she was okay and safe.
As soon as Odalia had picked her up, she got Amity in the car and began scolding her. “Amity, I’m so disappointed in you. You shouldn’t taint your existence by associating with people like that. We are Blights; you will have to find friends to network with worthy of a Blight’s attention. An orphan adopted by homosexuals is not one of those people,” Odalia said.
—--
Amity was 14 now. She was with her “friends” in school, walking through the hallway towards class. Amity saw her former friend, Willow, walking in the opposite direction. Willow kept her head down, hoping to just pass by Amity and her cohorts. Boscha, one of Amity’s companions, stuck her foot out and laughed as Willow fell to the ground. “Whoops,” Boscha said, her mouth a cruel sneer.
Willow never looked at Boscha, however. She stared at Amity. Amity, who kept a passive expression as she returned the look. Amity hated what Boscha did to Willow. Willow was always so kind, and still didn’t hate Amity. She had told Amity that she forgave the girl for the cruel words she had said, how she knew it was her mother. But Amity denied it, and said it was for the best that they didn’t speak again. As Willow stared up at Amity, all the green haired girl could say was, “you should be more careful.”
—--
Amity was 20 now. Things had changed. Amity’s mother had been arrested for child abuse. Amity had begun to fix her relationships with classmates, and had even found a girlfriend. She couldn’t believe it, she was in love with a girl. And Amity hated herself for it. Her mother’s voice echoed in her head. “Blights do not associate with filth like them.” Amity cried in the bathroom as she dug out her blade and raked it across her wrist, again and again.
What would her mother say? “Amity, you’re much too old to be this pathetic. At least use your thighs so no one sees.” “Amity, you’re dating a girl? I’m glad you’re punishing yourself, at least. We shall find you a suitable man soon.” “If you’re going to be a disgusting abomination, the least you could do is kill yourself. At least we could spin that to get favorable deals in the market.”
Amity collapsed, crying on the floor. Was that her mothers voice in her head? Or was it her own?
—--
Back to the present, Amity stood on the edge of the bridge, watching the lights on the boats off in the distance, crossing the lake at the end of the river. They were pretty. Amity had always liked the water; some of her favorite memories happened at the lake, actually. Summer days spent with friends, days of reading under the shade of trees and listening to the water lap at the bank. Even her first kiss, when Luz confessed her feelings for her.
Amity tried not to let her mind wander to her friends and Luz. Gods, was it hard to leave them behind. But it was for the best. She was a horrible, worthless creature, doing nothing but causing problems for them or dragging them down. At least she had been able to hide her cuts and sorrow from all of them. It was hard, especially with Luz. Luz, who never missed anything. Who… was standing at the railing halfway down the bridge.
Amity gasped as she saw Luz standing about 30 feet away. Luz was nearly doubled over trying to catch her breath. Had she… run all the way here? “Amity,” Luz said. And that’s when Amity began sobbing. Hearing the desperation and fear in Luz’s voice was the worst sound in the world. Amity couldn’t believe she could hurt her like that.
“I have to do this, Luz. I’m nothing but an anchor, dragging you all down. I’m worthless, and you’d be so much happier without me around,” Amity said. Still, she didn’t let go of the railing.
“If you truly believe that, then I’m the worthless one,” Luz said. Amity just stared at her in silence, confusion written across her features. “You aren’t just my world, Amity Blight,” Luz continued, tears rolling down her face. “You’re the sun it revolves around. When I wake up in the morning, you’re the first thought that crosses my mind. When I lay down in bed, all I can think of is how in love with you I am. And I couldn’t live in a world without you, Sweet Potato. Please, please, please don’t do this”
Amity was openly sobbing as she stared at Luz. Luz, the light of her life, the one who found some broken, mean, depressed green- haired monster, and showed her what life could be. Showed her what friendship was like, taught her what a healthy family dynamic looked like, and helped her climb out of the hole she was in. Gods, what was Amity doing? Why was she on the side of this bridge?
“I-I don’t wanna die, Batata,” Amity said. At that, Luz ran the rest of the distance to Amity, quickly hauling Amity across the railing and back to safety. Luz hugged Amity so incredibly tight as they both cried. They collapsed on the sidewalk, sobs shaking both of them as they held each other.
“I thank whatever gods are out there for bringing me to you,” Luz whispered against Amity’s scalp. “I woke up, and something felt so wrong. I called you four times and it went to voicemail. When I went to your apartment, your car was there but you weren’t home. I knew, I-I just knew you were here, that I had to get to you, and I just… ran. Please don’t leave me, Amity, please, please, please.”
Amity continued to sob into Luz’s chest, while Luz rocked her and shushed her, rubbing her hair to comfort her. After what felt like hours, the sobs stopped coming and the two girls remained, terrified to let go of the other.
“What do we do?” Amity asked, her voice coarse.
“You’re going to spend the rest of tonight with me,” Luz said. “And tomorrow, we’re going to have to get you help. I know, it’s not going to be fun, or easy, but godsdamnit, Amity, I can’t lose you. You deserve to live a long, happy life, and we need to help you heal so you can. I’m so so so sorry I didn’t do something sooner, I just didn’t know-”
Amity kissed Luz to cut her off, claiming her lips. After the kiss broke, Amity looked Luz in the eyes, her eyes watering again. “I-I didn’t want to bother you with it, and then it became too much, and I…” Amity trailed off, looking down at the ground.
Luz lifted her chin so they were eye to eye again. “You, m’lady, are never going to bother me. How am I supposed to be your hero if I don’t know my damsel is in distress,” Luz asked. A ghost of a smile appeared on Amity’s lips. Luz gave her a real smile and kissed her. Luz looked up at the stars shining above, thanking them for leading her here, to her best friend, when she needed her the most.