'Study' Partners

‘Study’ Partners

Chapter 5

Contrary to Elphaba’s assumption, Fiyero Tigelaar had been stood up before, but only once, and it turned out the girl who ‘stood him up’ had been playing hard to get. They dated for three weeks- for him, a long-term relationship.

Fiyero’s approach to romance was relaxed, but Elphaba was doing an excellent job of tearing up his rulebook. For her, he was very willing to exceed the pitifully low ‘long term’ threshold of three weeks. But for that to happen, they needed to date, and to go on dates, they needed to be in a restaurant or café at the same time, and for that to happen, Elphaba needed to not stand him up.

The Winkie prince had arrived at Tea and Tales fifteen minutes early. His reason for doing so was simple. He knew Elphaba liked to arrive ten minutes early to everything, which necessitated him arriving five minutes beforehand.

Half an hour had passed. Elphaba Thropp was now fifteen minutes late. Fiyero was beginning to suspect the worst.

His coffee lay half-finished. He’d chosen a table near the back, secluded from the rest, where he and Elphaba could have some theoretical privacy. Tea and Tales was almost empty by now. The baristas, an Owl and a Gilikin man, were chattering amongst themselves.

I’m sure Fae has a reason, Fiyero thought, staring listlessly out the window. Did Glin hold her up? She’s good at that. She could’ve been… I dunno, giving her a makeover or something?

It was optimistic, and he knew it. At this point, I’m down to just ‘maybe she forgot’, and I know damn well Fae doesn’t forget a thing.

The café had a sweet and charming atmosphere. Almost a little twee, Fiyero thought, but then again he was used to the wilderness of the Vinkus. He had been here with girls before; they seemed to like the bright colours and even brighter cakes. He’d considered choosing something more specific to Elphaba, but that would mean going to the library or a bookshop, which didn’t feel very ‘date-like’ to him. It would be too easy to misinterpret that as friendly.

She’d misinterpreted it as friendly anyway, of course.

Fiyero groaned, putting his head in his hand. Please show up, Fae, even if it’s just to study. I’m not used to this ‘feelings’ business. Have mercy.

He heard the fluttering of wings and looked up to see the Owl barista had landed on the opposing seat. He’d seen her clearing away dirty cups by clutching them between her talons, though the Gilikin man seemed to be making most of the coffee.

She blinked at him. “You alright, hon?”

He straightened up. “Of course,” he said, dishing out the charming smile, however weak. “Just a bit discouraged.”

“Ah.” She stretched her wings before withdrawing them again. “Dare I ask?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Well, we assumed you were waiting for a girl,” she said, sympathetic.

“Damn. Did I really look that put out?”

“Either that, or the coffee was the worst you’ve ever had. We usually get good feedback, so...”

Fiyero pushed back his hair with a sigh. “It’s not the coffee.”

“Sorry, hon.” She glanced towards the entrance. “Any chance she’s just running late?”

“She doesn’t know the meaning of running late.”

The Owl clicked her beak. “Well, if she doesn’t show up, maybe we can get you something on the house-“

“It’s fine,” he cut in. Fiyero wasn’t in the mood but smiled regardless. “Thank you, miss…?”

“Ayla.” (1)

“Fiyero,” he returned. “I appreciate the gesture, but there’s no need to pity me. It seems I’ll be doing a lot of that myself.”

She dipped her head, apologising again. Ayla hopped the other way on her little perch, about to fly back to the counter. Fiyero looked the other way, towards the back of the café. His eyes landed on a portrait of an older gentleman, presumably the original owner of Tea and Tales.

“What does this girl look like?” the Owl chirped up. “Maybe we can keep an eye out for her.”

“Don’t worry, I can also handle that,” he murmured, still looking the other way.

“Come now, give us something at least.”

“She’s a very… colourful character.”

The Owl cocked her head to the side. “Colourful indeed.”

“What do you mea-“ He turned back, just as the door swung open, revealing Tea and Tales’ latest customer.

Fiyero jumped to his feet. “Fae!” he exclaimed loudly. “You came!”

Elphaba hand was still on the door when his voice rung out. She paused on the threshold, stunned at the fervour with which her appearance was greeted. The few remaining customers instantly turned her way; their mouths dropped open when they saw her skin.

Ayla covered her beak with one of her wings, eyes full of amusement. “Goodness,” the Owl whispered. “She must be very special.”

Fiyero flushed. Not only that, he’d made a scene of Elphaba in public, which he knew she liked to avoid. He sat back down again, cursing himself.

The green girl shook it off and went through the motions. “You know, there’s no need to stare,” she said pointedly, addressing the other patrons. “I’m sure some of your best friends are green.”

They turned back quick. Elphaba closed the door and marched up to the counter. When people were staring, she liked to project confidence.

Ayla gave Fiyero a warm smile before flying back to the counter. Elphaba ordered a herbal tea, carrying it over to Fiyero’s table with her head held high in defiance.

Before she sat down, Fiyero was already apologising. “Gah… I’m such an idiot, Fae, drawing attention to you like that-“

“Drawing attention comes with the territory of being Elphaba Thropp,” she said, firm and dismissive.

“It should be positive though, not negative,” he said back. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“I just want to-“

“Fiyero, come now. My skin isn’t just green. It’s also exceptionally thick.”

Fiyero sighed, not really believing her, but he allowed her to move them along.

She took awhile to settle down, taking sips of her tea, shifting around in her seat. She looked distracted and absolutely was. Elphaba had rushed to Tea and Tales as fast as her limbs could carry her, though Glinda’s bout of jealousy left her dreading their study session.

In essence, she’d been given permission to tell Fiyero how Glinda felt- but only if he happened to confess first. Elphaba remained confident that would never happen, yet she’d considered telling him about Glinda’s affections anyway. If her roommate couldn’t permit Fiyero meeting with Elphaba, how would she react when he met someone worthy of her jealousy? In a way, it was sensible to tell him the truth.

But that was Glinda’s responsibility, not hers, and though Elphaba would never admit it, she didn’t really want Fiyero to know. If he did, they would be back together in a flash. It would be wrong for both of them, was her justification.

Elphaba tried to shake herself free of indecision. “At the risk of creating an endless succession of apologies, I also owe you one, Fiyero.”

“Why? For being late?” Now it was his turn to be dismissive. “It wouldn’t have mattered. I’d just have gotten on with the report.”

“A barefaced lie if ever I’ve heard one. Your reaction to my entrance suggests otherwise.”

Fiyero didn’t really have anywhere to hide. “Well…” he faltered. “It’s, uh, not as if your help wouldn’t be appreciated. It’s why I invited you here.”

“I see.” Elphaba felt a tiny spark of anxiety. She resorted to her trusty weapon: self-deprecation. “It was off-putting to see enthusiasm when I walked in. Most people greet my arrival the same way they’d greet a foul smell.”

“Like them?” Fiyero said guiltily, glancing over her shoulder to the other patrons.

“Ah, but they were just reacting to the verdigris. They don’t have the displeasure of knowing me yet.”

Fiyero gave her a long look. Elphaba faltered under his scolding air.

“W-what? It’s true.”

“There are people who dare to enjoy your company, Fae,” he replied, softly, “and we don’t really like it when you put yourself down.”

“There’s no need to be sombre about it,” she bristled. “I was lightening the mood, as often happens-“

“When you’re nervous?”

“When I don’t know what else to say.” Her reply was cautious.

“Like now?”

“Yes. We mustn’t take ourselves too seriously.” She gestured around. “Have you noticed how ridiculous we look?  ‘A Winkie and a Green Girl walk into a café’ could be the start of an offensive joke.”

In spite of himself, his lip turned up at that. “… We do stick out a bit, don’t we?”

“Like sore thumbs at a sore thumb competition.”

“But if we were surrounded by other sore thumbs, wouldn’t that make us stand out less?”

“Not if we were the sorest of all.” She chuckled. “You best be careful, Tigelaar. Keep showing signs of intelligence and I’ll decide you don’t need my help with the report.”

“My mistake. There isn’t a brain cell in my body.”

He wished his praises would get through to her, but they never seemed to pierce the surface. Elphaba claimed to be ‘thick-skinned’, but he suspected that only applied to compliments, not insults.

“I’m really glad you came, Fae,” he said, allowing just a touch of real feeling in.

“… I could see that.”

Fiyero took a long sip of coffee. A pause, which Elphaba only knew how to follow up with a nervous laugh, and again another joke.

“Your enthusiasm really was surprising. I’m not used to getting people up.”

The Winkie prince choked on his sip of coffee. Elphaba frowned, then realised what her words implied. The green on her face darkened.

She put her arms on the table and buried her face in them. “Oh, spare me! I meant getting people out of their seat! Not-”

“I know Fae,” he said, spluttering. Some of the coffee had landed on his shirt. She really is trying to kill me!

Elphaba’s voice was muffled by her sleeves. “Don’t you dare look in my direction. I have thus died from embarrassment and shan’t be resurrected.”

He brushed himself down. “I’ll admit you caught me off guard-“

“Why are you talking to a corpse? I told you, I’m dead.”

“You said an innuendo by accident. It can’t be the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“Yes, that would be my birth.”

She still wouldn’t lift her head. Fiyero hadn’t been prepared for Elphaba discussing male virility- he was even less prepared to see her bashful. The two concepts, Elphaba and virility, suddenly seemed connected. His stupid heart fluttered. Damn you, heart.

After finally persuading Elphaba to look up, the green girl sought refuge in the world of academia. Fiyero watched as she produced a horrifying assortment of textbooks- her bag appeared to be bigger on the inside- and her own report which had been finished over a month ago.

“Am I right in saying you haven’t started yet?”

“No.”

She stared at him.

“Alright, yes-“

“Slacker.”

“The deadline’s still a week away-“

“Procrastinator.”

“It’s not procrastinating if I had no intention-“

“Fiyero.”

“My name isn’t an insult!”

“Yes it is. Look up ‘Fiyero’ in the dictionary and it says ‘a chronic pain in the ass’.”

“Hey, isn’t that more of an ‘Avaric’? A Fiyero is just a ‘slight irritation that’s also kinda charming’.”

“We’ve circled back to you being a nuisance.” She tutted. “What’s an ‘Elphaba’ in the dictionary, might I ask?”

An unintentional vixen. “An ‘Elphaba’ is ‘a chronic saviour of Fiyero’s grades’,” he said instead, hopeful.

“Well, it beats being ‘a source of fibre’.” She harrumphed but opened one of her books and tossed it over. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

Oh yes. Questions like ‘why are you so amazing?’ and ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven?’ and ‘will you be my girlfriend?’.

Fiyero couldn’t afford to flunk another assignment, and studying on his own would never be as entertaining as studying with Elphaba. It was a chance to engage with something she was passionate about. He took out his notebook and tried his best to ask good questions.

Elphaba was a stern teacher. Her corrections were blunt, but he was surprised at her patience. The measure of a person’s understanding was whether they could explain it to someone else. Elphaba clearly understood the rhetoric of the Ozma regime well, and a lot more besides. He found himself looking at her in amazement. How can you fit so much between the ears, Fae?

The prince was satisfied to let their time in the café run its course. He had visions of walking back to Shiz with Elphaba at sunset, finding a quiet spot and asking her to be his girlfriend there. He had additional visions of her saying yes, and several more of her saying no. One can make an educated guess which he preferred.

They had been studying for a good hour when the other patrons left, leaving them alone in Tea and Tales. Ayla and her colleague started cleaning up around them, followed by a gentle reminder that they closed at 6.

Half an hour of ‘study time’ remained, but Fiyero was getting weary of politics. Elphaba could talk to him about sewage and it would still be interesting, but he wanted her to talk about herself. There was so much he didn’t know about Elphaba Thropp- so many little secrets, the kind you only tell the ones you care about.

He watched her read for a moment-

“I know what you’re about to do, Fiyero Tigelaar.” Her voice was flinty.

“Oh really? What?”

“You’re about to try and distract us with some inane small talk.”

She was right, but he would protest anyway. “What makes you say that?”

“I’m best friends with Glinda, who often does the same. By now, I’ve developed a sixth sense for it.”

“Huh. An Anti Small Talk Sense. Sounds helpful.”

“Only to a degree. It only alerts me when small talk is coming. Whether I can prevent it is a different matter.” With Glinda, I usually can’t.

Fiyero leaned forward. “So there’s a chance we could talk about something other than school?”

Elphaba was unimpressed. “You have a lot of report to write and only a week to write it.”

“Only a week? I’ve heard that’s a long time in politics.”

“A common saying, incorrectly applied. Try harder.”

He laughed, trying not to sound too adoring. “Quite the little drill sergeant, aren’t you Fae?”

“Little? I’m tall and gangly, thank you very much.”

“Gangly is a bit harsh. Tall and slender works better.”

“I hope that wasn’t another compliment.”

“It was. You’re not allergic to them, despite what you say.”

“That’s another example of you being wrong. I’m allergic to them spiritually.”

“So if I complimented you again, what would happen?”

“My soul would go into anaphylactic shock.” She smirked. “Perhaps that’s why I don’t have one. Glinda and yourself have called me cute one too many times. Behold, the consequences of lying.”

“My mother told me never to tell lies,” he rasped.

“Then you’ve disobeyed her.” She tapped his forehead with her pen. “Now obey me instead. Get back to work.”

Fiyero tried not to imagine her saying ‘obey me’ in a different context. He hoped he wouldn’t fail the politics assignment as miserably as this one.

Elphaba’s attention was addictive, however.

“But I was just starting to enjoy our small talk.”

“That wasn’t small talk. That was me scolding you.”

“There was a bit of small talk mixed in...”

She tapped the pen against her book this time. “Really? And what nonsense is next? Are we going to talk about our favourite colours?”

“I was thinking the weather, but that works too.”

“Not a chance, Tigelaar-“

“What’s your favourite colour?” he interrupted, enjoying her ‘scolding’ a little too much.

“White, like the colour of the paper you should be writing on.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

“No, you’re right,” she muttered. “It’s blue, like my mood whenever you’re around.”

“Go off, Fae.” His grin grew ever wider. “I’m interested to see just how many colour related quips you can come up with.”

This time, she dropped her pen and gave him a tired glower. “Why do I feel like a circus animal being asked to perform?”

“You’re entertaining, Fae. Not much I can do about it.”

She didn’t seem to know what to say to that. His eyes glimmered victoriously.

Elphaba sat back in her chair, unsure. “What exactly do you want from me, Fiyero?”

“We’ve established this. I just want to talk to you.”

“Fine. What’s your favourite colour? If you want inane, I’ll give you inane.”

“My favourite colour? Oh, I don’t know.” He was suddenly finding it hard to look away from her, and the words just kept spilling out. “But there’s only one on my mind right now.”

She blinked. This time, there was no razor sharp Elphaba response. She looked a little shellshocked. He could see his words running through her brain, as she tried to puzzle out his meaning, or what she thought was his meaning.

Fiyero still couldn’t look away. The air at the table had shifted. Though he was nervous, it was undeniably thrilling to think that Elphaba kind’ve, sort’ve knew what he was implying. She had to, when he laid it out so plain.

“… I…” She stopped and started. “… What are you… what are you saying?”

“You tell me.”

Elphaba picked up her pen again. “… I said I’m not the type for small talk, Fiyero. We should get back to work.”

Fiyero really didn’t want to do that. He waited a moment or two, then decided he didn’t much care anymore. He’d been holding back his feelings for too long.

“I love the colour green, Fae.”

Elphaba went silent. Her fingers fiddled with her pen, and her eyes never left their textbooks.

“I can’t imagine why,” she mumbled, eventually.

“Why not?”

“Well… Green is just… it’s just not a very nice colour.”

He was still leaning forward, hands close to her side of the table. “Why not?” he repeated.

She lowered her head. “It just isn’t. There’s nothing nice about it. Nothing at all. I hate it.”

Fiyero wished she would look at him. He didn’t have much control of what he was feeling, but he could at least tell her how wrong she was.

“I think it’s a wonderful colour. You shouldn’t-“

“Fiyero, please.” She suddenly sounded a little desperate. “C-can we get back to work? I don’t really see the point of this. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything at all,” Fiyero murmured. “I just want you to know.”

“Know what?” she managed, her voice higher pitched than usual.

Their eyes met. There was a moment of electricity- they both felt it. Elphaba’s pupils widened. So did Fiyero’s. The words were on his lips. He was so drawn to her. He didn’t care what others thought. To him, she was wonderful, magnetic, perfect. It frightened him how much he liked her.

He reached out and took her hand. Elphaba was so befuddled by it all that she froze in place. The contact only made the electricity in the air surge, and he opened his mouth.

“Fae, I-“

A single word entered Elphaba’s mind. It rang out like an alarm, deafening, and she reacted immediately. She pulled her hand away, shoving it into her lap. Her head lowered again.

“Don’t say it,” she said, shaking her head to and fro.

The electricity faded, but Fiyero kept going. “… Fae, I-“

“Please don’t say it!” Her face was buried in her arms again. “I can’t deal with this!”

Fiyero opened his mouth, closed it again, hesitated. What was the point in leaving it unspoken, when he’d done everything but say the words? But he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable- the very notion was awful- so he kept his mouth shut.

An awkward, awkward silence fell over the table. In fact, it fell over the whole café. By this point, they were the only customers, and it was near closing time. He’d been so caught up in the moment of electricity, so caught up in Elphaba, that he’d forgotten they were in public. He’d forgotten he was going to tell her once they left the café.

Fiyero realised that the two baristas had heard much of their conversation. They were standing behind the counter, as silent and awkward as they were. His face started to burn. The sudden connection between them had made him go too far. Elphaba was still covering her face.

Shit. I’ve totally screwed this up.

He stood up, abrupt. “Fae?”

“Yes?” she said, her voice miniscule.

“Sorry, um… maybe we should take this outside? I should’ve… Damn it.” He trailed off.

Elphaba peeked at him from over her arms. She had forgotten they were in public too. Despite the light-headedness, the utter inability to deal with what Fiyero was suggesting, she swallowed and scrambled to her feet.

“Y-you’re right. Heading out would probably be best.”

They packed up their things as quickly as possible. The baristas went back to cleaning, pretending like they hadn’t heard. Both Elphaba and Fiyero’s faces were aflame. They couldn’t make eye contact.

As they headed to the door, the Winkie prince’s eyes met Ayla’s, and she gave him an even more sympathetic look than before.

“Th-thank you for coming to Tea and Tales…?” It didn’t sound right as a question.

Both of them cringed. Fiyero gulped and gave her a weak smile back. “Yeah. Thanks for the coffee.”

Both Elphaba and Fiyero reached for the door handle at the same time. Their hands touched. Elphaba pulled away, covering her face again. It was all going wrong. She’d thought this would never happen. She’d thought it was impossible. She’d promised her roommate that Fiyero didn’t…

Glinda. Oh Lurline, Glinda. Her heart felt like it was punching out of her chest.

Fiyero gritted his teeth. He held open the door for her. Elphaba muttered a feeble ‘thank you’ and they stepped out.

It happened to be a lovely evening. Shiz was a historic city, full of centuries old buildings, a picture of heritage and tradition. A late summer, early autumn sunset dappled the street in gold and orange. It would’ve been romantic, had Fiyero or Elphaba cared to notice. They distanced themselves from Tea and Tales a shoulder width apart. (2)

The Winkie prince had his hands stuffed in his pockets. Elphaba was holding her arm uncomfortably. He had never seen the green girl look so timid.

They were halfway down the street when Fiyero stopped. Elphaba stopped too.

He inhaled. “Alright. Can I try again, Fae? That wasn’t how I was hoping it would go.”

Her fingers dug into her arm even tighter. “Did you mean what I think you meant?” she struggled out, hoarse.

He scratched his head. “... Shall we sit down somewhere? I’d rather not say this in the middle of the street.”

She nodded, tense. They kept walking for a while until they came across a side-street that opened up onto the canal. The Shiz-city proper had a river running through it that also channelled through the university; the canal-side was popular as a walk route. The sunset light danced on the rippling water as they search for a bench. A Dog passed them by, panting loudly.

They found one, dedicated to an alumnus of the university. They’d kept quiet since last Fiyero spoke; it wasn’t quite comfortable, but not quite restless either. Elphaba seemed to have calmed down. Now, the dominant expression he could detect on her face was doubt.

He turned to her on the bench. The green girl told herself not to panic again.

“Fae, I was-“

“If you didn’t mean it, now is the time to say,” Elphaba interrupted, unable to hold herself back. It sounded much ruder than she intended.

“I-“

“This is a joke, isn’t it? This is something you’ve cooked up with Crope and Tibbett. Actually, no, this is more Avaric’s style-“

“I-“

“-you convince me to accept a false confession, and Avaric goes around telling everyone, and everyone laughs at the stupid green girl-“

“I can’t deny it if you don’t let me talk!”

Elphaba pressed her knees together. “… Sorry,” she whispered.

Fiyero sighed. The game was up. There was no point trying to reset the mood when the mood had been so thoroughly obliterated. At this point, the only card left to play was the honest one.

“It’s not a joke, Fae.”

“…”

“I like you,” he said, clear as the water of the canal. “Not as a friend. As something more. I’d like to date you.”

Elphaba’s lip trembled as she tried to get to grips with the information. She squirmed in her seat. Her mind went hopelessly blank.

Fiyero squirmed too in the vacuum. “Fae?”

“But you-” She scrambled around, latching onto details instead of the main point. “But you said this was a study date!”

“Yes, I did.” His voice was guilty.

“Why did you lie?”

“Because of this,” Fiyero said, despairing. “I didn’t know how you’d react, and I wanted to put you at ease. There’s not really an ‘easy’ way of saying these things, but-“ He scratched his head. “Look, I wish I’d managed this better, but in the café, we were looking at each other, and for a moment, I thought you might… Oz. It just all came out at once, okay?”

Elphaba’s mind was still blank. Her head shook to and fro again. Another pause had Fiyero tearing his hair out.

She didn’t have an answer. She had no idea what she was feeling. The only response she could think of was a question.

“But why?” she asked, plaintively.

“What do you mean, why?”

“Why do you like me? It doesn’t make any sense.”

If Fiyero were talking to anyone other girl, he’d think they were fishing for compliments. Elphaba wasn’t like that. Her confusion was genuine. She truly, honestly couldn’t comprehend it. She couldn’t see any reason why someone would spend time with her, let alone date her.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” he muttered.

“Fiyero, you could have anyone you wanted. Anyone at all. I think I’m entitled to know why you’d choose the freak show instead.” Over Glinda.

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s true-“

“No it isn’t!” Fiyero was on his feet. He didn’t know how it happened. His voice was unflinching. “You’re not a freak, Elphaba! I told you earlier, I hate it when you say things like that. It’s not true. I don’t care that you’re green. It’s a lovely shade, actually. It reminds me of the Thousand Year Grasslands. I’d like to take you there, one day.”

She stared at him, slack jawed.

“And while we’re on the topic, let’s get something straight. Do you think I like it when people call me an ‘Exotic Winkie Prince’? I mean, what am I, some kind of novelty item? It’s not the same as your situation, but I know a little about being ‘different’ too.” He shook his head. “You’re kinda perfect, Fae, and that’s that.”

Elphaba’s selective hearing was good at filtering out compliments, but this time there were too many. Her face was hot again. She couldn’t match the intensity of his feelings, so her eyes flickered to the river. (3)

It was real now. She couldn’t hide from it or deflect. He really did like her. Fiyero Tigelaar liked Elphaba Thropp, and Elphaba Thropp was in deep trouble.

Fiyero sat down again, taking deep breaths. “People don’t need a reason to like someone, Fae. In this case, I happen to have plenty of reasons, but feelings aren’t as simple as that.”

She didn’t reply.

The Vinkun swallowed. He was wary of another silence, but then Elphaba spoke up.

“How long?”

“How long have I felt this way?” She nodded, and he thought about it. “Since the lion cub, probably? It felt like we had a moment then, the same as in the cafe. After that, you were all I could think about. When Glin asked to break things off, I was relieved. I’m only telling you this because she gave me her blessing-“

“She what?” Elphaba interrupted.

“Glin gave me her blessing to tell you how I felt.”

“When?!”

“Yesterday.” He tilted his head. “Why does that matter?”

Elphaba’s brain was spinning like a water mill. She’d obviously been swept off to a fantasy land in a tornado, because everything was upside down. “You’re wrong,” she protested. “Glinda would never do that.”

“Why not?”

Because Glinda still has feelings for you. All she needed to do was tell Fiyero the truth, and the tornado would carry her back to Oz, where beautiful people dated beautiful people and freaks died as lonely spinsters.

But she didn’t say it. The truth never left her lips. Her head was telling her this would be better, easier, but there was a loose connection that she wasn’t willing to identify.

“She must’ve misunderstood what you were asking,” Elphaba muttered instead.

Fiyero was baffled at her certainty, but Glinda couldn’t have been further from his thoughts. The green girl in front of him, however…

“Never mind that. Fae, if you need time to think this over, I understand. There’s a lot to take in-“

“No, I don’t need any time.”

“Really?” Fiyero’s heartstrings tightened. “Then you have an answer for me?”

“I…”

Elphaba’s mind went to the lion cub. It felt like we had a moment then, the same as in the cafe.

She knew what kind of ‘moment’ he was talking about. The kind where their eyes met, and she felt something surge in the air. Fiyero was right. It had happened in the forest after Dr Dillamond was fired, and it had happened again today.

Fiyero was an attractive man. That, Elphaba had always been able to appreciate, and she’d grown to like him as a person too. It wasn’t that she couldn’t imagine herself dating Fiyero. It wasn’t that she couldn’t imagine herself liking him. There were moments where she could.

But they were moments. If life were only moments, you’d never know you had one (4). In the forest, in Tea and Tales, and even now, that word was still echoing in her mind. Glinda.

“Fiyero… I didn’t mean to accuse you of lying or joking around. That was awful. I just… People don’t tell me nice things very often, and when they do, I tend to react poorly. I’m just not expecting it, and then I lash out, and I couldn’t handle it, and now I’m babbling like a fishwife-“

“Take your time,” he murmured. He already had a bad feeling where this was going.

She looked at him, her voice ragged. “Oz, I must be insane. Completely and utterly insane. Fiyero, you’re twice the man I could reasonably hope for. I really mean that. But I-“

“You don’t feel the same,” he finished, monotone.

Elphaba bit her lip. She wanted to say more. Fiyero could so easily be more than her friend- but what was the point in saying that aloud? It would just be patronising. The fact was, she didn’t like him the way he wanted.

The word in her mind echoed again, and her teeth dug in deep enough to draw blood.

Fiyero stood up once more. His eyes were on the sky, his hands shoved into his pockets. Elphaba was half-tempted to take his hand- another patronising gesture that would only make things worse. He was her friend, and he looked desolate. To think she was responsible for that was agonising.

“Fiyero, I’m-“

“Don’t apologise, Fae.” There was an empty space where he might’ve laughed an hour ago. “I’ve been in your position lots of times before and it never seems to help.”

Something in her stomach twisted. “Are you… are you okay?”

This time, he did laugh. “To be honest, no. It sucks, because I really really like you, but I respect you way too much to make a big deal of this.”

Elphaba stood up to, putting her hands together. She knew her presence would only be a hinderance at this point, but she wanted him to know he wasn’t alone.

“Are we still-“ she cut herself off, despising the question before it even finished. “Don’t answer that. It’s a stupid, mindless cliché.”

He blinked. “Of course we’re still friends, but… I obviously won’t be able to treat you the same as before, Fae. I’ve heard these things take time to get over.”

“Have you really never had someone say no like this?”

“I’ve never asked anyone before. It was always them doing the asking.”

She shook her head wearily. “We’re from different universes.”

“I disagree.” He put on a strong face and smiled. “But you’re right about one thing. I don’t want any cliches. It’ll be a bit weird at first. I’ll do my best not to make things awkward when we’re in a group, but you’ll have to be patient with me. I was pretty serious about this.”

“I know you were. I should never have questioned that.” She took a breath. “You deserve better than this. You’ll get better than me, Fiyero. Far, far better.”

“You really believe that, don’t you?” he said, sadly.

“Believe what?”

“That you don’t deserve to be happy.”

Elphaba could only stare at him. The knot in her chest tightened.

He shrugged. “Well… that’s probably a sign.”

“What is?”

“If I can’t convince you otherwise, then I guess we’re not right together. But I wish I could, Fae. I really do.”

By all accounts, Elphaba was making a horrible decision. She was turning down the best she was ever going to get- objectively. What should have been an easy choice was easy for the wrong reason.

There wasn’t much else she or Fiyero could say. They stood by the canal, watching the water as the sun dipped below the horizon.

Neither of them would be able to say how long they stood there, or when Fiyero left. The sun had disappeared, giving way to a pink-tinged twilight. The Winkie prince bid her goodbye as reasonably as he could. There was a strange atmosphere between them- sad, but not bitter.

Fiyero was at least glad for the clarity. His feelings for Elphaba had been hanging round his neck like an albatross for weeks; there was no need to hide them anymore. He walked back to Briscoe Hall on his own, rueing what he couldn’t really change, and there was a comfort in that. Not much, but some.

Elphaba, however, had no clarity at all. She sat back down on the bench, not at all ready for Crage Hall and the pink-blonde minefield awaiting her. The evening was cool, but Elphaba was not. She needed to get her head straight.

There was one massive, unavoidable question. It was a question she’d asked herself many times before, but never with this much urgency.

What the hell is wrong with me?

People said not to be picky with their vegetables, but Elphaba thought it was the vegetables who shouldn’t be picky. Yet she’d turned down Fiyero Tigelaar. As soon as she realised the nature of his feelings, her answer was no. It didn’t matter that she found him physically attractive. It didn’t matter that she liked him as a friend, or that there was potential for more. For her, it shouldn’t be a case of somebody, but of some body. Still, she'd turned him down.

But Glinda. Oh yes, Glinda Glinda Glinda Glinda Glinda. The whole time Fiyero was speaking, her mind had been full of pink dresses and excitable squeals and belligerent hugs. A prince had confessed to her, and all she could think about was her best friend.

She had an excuse, of course. Glinda had feelings for Fiyero. But Elphaba was cognisant enough to know her excuse wasn’t good enough. She had every chance to tell him about Glinda’s feelings, but refused them all, because apparently she hated people being happy. This way, none of them would be. 

A definite sense of panic was rising inside her. She needed a walk. There was no way in Oz she’d be rushing back to her dormitory, not before she had some semblance of serenity back. The green girl began to follow the canal route back to Shiz, as if she were on a funeral march.

Her own words and actions were full of inconsistencies. Elphaba was frightened, and began to cycle through every justification she could think of. Glinda was her first real friend, and her closest. Because of that, it was more intense. She put in more effort and permitted more for Glinda.

But even when in denial, the green girl couldn’t fool herself completely. There was a slideshow of moments and memories in Elphaba’s mind, unified by a common theme. A gesture of acceptance at the Ozdust Ballroom, the kind she’d always craved. Pseudo sleepovers in their dormitory until the small hours. Study dates at the library that didn’t feature much studying. The way it felt like she could barely breathe when-

Too vast. Too difficult a subject. 

Twilight became nighttime. Elphaba was probably worrying Glinda more by coming back late, which only contributed to her worries. There were stars in the sky when she found herself on the Suicide Canal bridge, gazing over at Briscoe Hall.

Some of the dormitory windows were already closed, but others were open and lit up, competing with the stars overhead in brightness. Elphaba stared at the window of their room. A dull but warm light spilled out into the darkness, probably from Glinda’s bedside lamp. Was the blonde tucked up in bed, already asleep? Was she sat up, nervously awaiting her return?

There’s nothing else to it, Elphaba thought. I’ll have to tell her the truth. Fiyero confessed to me, but I said no, and I also didn’t tell him about Glinda’s feelings, because… because of something. I'll think of some excuse.

She told herself to keep walking, to return to the dormitory, but her feet remained decisively in place. She was still in disbelief about Fiyero’s feelings.

“You really believe that, don’t you?”

“Believe what?”

“That you don’t deserve to be happy.”

Beyond all the confessions and compliments, that was what stayed with Elphaba the most. She’d never thought of it that way. She’d always believed she was complicit in her own unhappiness, but she’d never thought that very belief might be part of the problem.

“If I can’t convince you otherwise, then I guess we’re not right together.” Fiyero was missing the point. Elphaba was certain there was no ‘right’ person. She was certain nobody could-

“If you were half as repulsive as you claim, I wouldn’t like you so much. I’m blonde and shallow, remember?”

Just then, her mind and heart betrayed her.

“That’s a dangerous little magic trick of yours, my pretty. You say the most ridiculous things, and I almost believe you.”

She backed up on unsteady feet, leaning against the bridge for support. The end of the denial hit her like a fist to the solar plexus.

She understood how Fiyero felt, but not because the feeling was mutual.

I like her.

This was no ebullient realisation. This was fear of the consequences. A chill ran down Elphaba’s spine. I like Glinda Upland. Not as a friend. As something more.

Oh no.

How could she have she let this happen? Unlike Fiyero, she couldn’t point to a specific moment. Rather, it was every moment. Every time Glinda insisted on talking with her, insisted on staying up with her, insisted on hugging her, insisting on smiling, insisted on being with her. She’d let it become a necessity. She’d let it become the air she breathed.

The green girl slammed her hands against the bridge, disgusted with herself. You’re a fool! An abominable fool! She was like a teenage boy, falling for the first pretty girl that smiled at her! She’d betrayed Glinda’s trust, her rare friendship, by letting her in too deep. She couldn’t let Fiyero into her heart because her heart was already occupied.

The worst part wasn’t the realisation. It was the resolution, or lack of it. Unlike Fiyero, there would be no relief to her feelings. This wasn’t something she could ever repeat. She could never tell Glinda how she felt. They were friends. Glinda only ever talked about boys. The blonde girl’s heart was already occupied too, by the very man she’d turned down.

Elphaba should have acknowledged the possibility. She’d known since her horrendous adolescence that she admired women just as much as men- as if being green wasn’t queer enough. She’d thought she could compartmentalise it. She was wrong.

It’s alright. I’ll just never, ever, ever talk about it. No one but me needs to know that I like Glinda Upland. I’ll establish clearer boundaries in our friendship. I’ll be strict with myself. I’ll suppress my feelings so thoroughly they may as well not exist, because that’s never been a problem before. Right? Right?

‘Elphaba Thropp was in deep trouble’ didn’t cut it. She was, for lack of a more elegant phrase, totally fucked.

She had never opened the door to her dormitory so quietly before. Most of the time, it was Glinda coming back late, disturbing the green girl’s reading. A few days ago, Glinda had waited outside the dorm, worried about who awaited her inside. Now, Elphaba had to navigate the same problem.

The door closed with a slight creak. Elphaba was tense; she’d been stuck in her head, wondering what to say and what to do about her newly discovered affection. There wasn’t much she could do. She could hope Glinda was asleep, and deal with the problem later. If Glinda was awake, she could tell her the truth about Fiyero’s ‘study date’, but that seemed equally wrong.

Both options led to the same outcome. She’d have to get used to the woes of unrequited feelings.

Elphaba waited for a sound, for some recognition that she’d returned. Not one. She turned and saw Glinda curled up in her bed, head facing away from the door, seemingly asleep.

Despite the difficulty of the conversation to come, there was no relief in Elphaba’s heart. The sight of her, tucked up and peaceful, only brought those unrequited feelings to the fore. She swallowed. Oh Glinda… What have you done to me?

No. I did this to myself. I had every chance to tell Fiyero about Glinda, and every chance to push Glinda away. I did neither, because I didn’t want to. This is my punishment.

Elphaba tore her eyes and went to her own bed. Glinda may have fallen asleep while waiting, but that didn’t solve anything. It was the equivalent of putting a plaster on a fatal blow.

After changing into her nightdress, she heard a creaking sound, like that of the door. Elphaba looked back round. The sound hadn’t come from the door, nor from her, so it stood to reason that…

A sneaking suspicion developed in her mind. “Glinda,” she whispered, loud enough to hear, quiet enough not to wake her up. “Are you really asleep?”

No response. Elphaba waited a second, then-

“… No.”

The figure uncurled itself. Glinda Upland turned over, very much awake. Her head poked out from under her pink cocoon of a duvet, the rest of her body concealed.  

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I was just pretending.”

Elphaba should’ve expected as much. Her heartburn worsened. “… And why would you do such a thing, my sweet?”

“You know me.” One of those shaky laughs. “I’m ‘one of those’.”

Elphaba held any words back. It was her first experience of talking to Glinda after her realisation. Oh, it was worse than she thought. So much worse. If someone asked her what ‘beautiful’ meant, she would have said Glinda anyway, but now it had a whole other dimension. Her blonde hair. Her sweet face. She looked so comfortable, wrapped up in her bed, but her expression was one of desperate vulnerability.

Were her eyes puffy? Had Glinda been crying? Elphaba asked, and the blonde girl wiped her eyes though they now were dry.

“I didn’t cry for long! Pinky promise. For the first few hours, it was fine, but then I was drawing my…” She paused. “… Well, I was drawing, and by then the sun had set and you still weren’t back. I got a bit scared and started imagining things, and-”

“You don’t have to justify it,” Elphaba whispered. She knew how her roommate felt about Fiyero, and she’d still come back late, caught up in her own selfish troubles. “It’s my fault.”

“I-it’s okay, though. You’re back now.” Glinda looked at her hopefully. “For good, right?”

“Yes, I’m back.”

The Gilikin girl heard Elphaba’s tone, the absent confidence. She swallowed and patted her bed. “Sit with me, Elphie?”

The green girl, ever obedient, sat down on her bed. Glinda was still lying down but offered her hand. Elphaba remembered the need for discipline and didn’t accept the contact.

Glinda pulled her hand back, covering her mounting anxiety with a flick of her hair. “Don’t keep me waiting, Elphie. What happened on your p-play date with Fifi?”

There nothing else to it. “Would you like the good news or the bad news?”

“There’s bad news?” she squeaked.

Elphaba nodded. The blonde girl faltered.

“I’d like the good news first,” she whispered, “and none of the bad, preferably.”

“Alright-“

“The bad news isn’t that bad, is it?”

“Well-“

“Because if it’s ‘oh drat, I got mud on my new shoes’ bad, then you can save the good news for afterwards. But if it’s ‘oh drat, I’m never going to recover from this’ bad, then I’d still like the good news first.”

Elphaba hesitated, which was just about the worst thing she could’ve done. Glinda’s lip was already trembling.

“Oh no. Should I get it over with and start crying now-“

“You don’t need to cry at all, Glinda,” she said hastily.

Her hope was renewed. “Then it’s not that bad?”

“It’s somewhere in the- oh for Oz’s sake, enough with the prevarication.” She steadied herself. “You were right, my sweet. Fiyero wasn’t just asking me to study-“

“He was asking you for coffee.”

Elphaba gave a small, pathetic nod. Glinda had seen through the academic pretence immediately- it was Elphaba who’d been ignorant of the prince’s intentions.

The blonde girl didn’t look surprised. She started fiddling with the pink tassels of her duvet, her eyes rather vacant. They went quiet, allowing the news to settle.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you go,” Glinda murmured.

“As I said, you were right-“

“So he likes you.” It wasn’t a question. Just a statement of fact, bluntly expressed.

Elphaba scrambled for a way of saying it that would soften the blow. “Ah… He, um… He said that-“

“There’s no point coddling me now, Elphie. He likes you. I’d already guessed that.” She sounded tired.

The green girl glanced towards the window, wondering whether personal defenestration was an option. Alas, Glinda would probably just resume the conversation in the flowerbed beneath Crage Hall.

“What matters is how you responded.” The Gilikin girl’s gaze was back on Elphaba, raw and yet trusting. “H-how did you respond, Elphie?”

This time, she couldn’t resist taking Glinda’s hand. “I said no, my sweet. I meant it when I said I’d never do that to you-“

Elphaba never finished speaking. Glinda lunged forward and ensnared her roommate in a bone crunching bear hug. She was still lying down, so her arms were around Elphaba’s waist, her face against her side.

Elphaba gasped. Her traitorous feelings surged. She didn’t dare hold her back, unless she did something unwise. “G-Glinda…”

No response. The Gilikin girl appeared to be settling in for the long haul. Her hands were near the small of Elphaba’s back, whose blood rushed to her head.

“I knew I could trust you, Elphie, but I got scared anyway,” she whispered.

“Glinda, you’re holding me too tight-“

“Nonsense.”

“I’m not a toy-“

“Yes you are. You’re my big green teddy bear. Deal with it.”

Her voice left no room for resistance. Elphaba chose a spot on the wall to stare it, sensing this could go on for a while. She felt like the temperature in the room had risen. She’d definitely walked into a sauna without noticing.

Glinda’s grip was fierce, but the weight of her head, the tickle of her hair, was soft. Elphaba still dared not return the embrace, but her position on the side of the bed was awkward. She shifted fully onto the duvet, crossing her legs, giving Glinda free reign of her waist.

The unbearable heat in the room continued to rise, though only one of them seemed aware of it. Elphaba, unable to resist, put her hand on the back of Glinda’s head, touching her hair. Glinda let out a noise somewhere between a croon and a moan. Elphaba regretted her decision.

“… Glinda?”

“…”

“Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“About what?” Her voice was muffled by Elphaba’s clothes.

“About Fiyero,” she muttered.

“I don’t care about Fiyero.”

“That is very obviously untrue-“

“Okay, I do care quite a lot,” she corrected, “but the main thing is that you said no, Elphie. Beyond that, I couldn’t give a flying monkey.”

Elphaba knew that was also untrue, but didn’t want to poke the jealous pink monster in her lap. She waited for Glinda to say more.

“How did he behave?”

“Behave?”

“Yes. Was he forward?” It was disturbing to think that Glinda’s grip could tighten further, but somehow it did. “He didn’t try anything, did he-“

“No!” she stammered. “He was a gentleman, my sweet. An upset one, but a gentleman nonetheless.”

“Well, he should consider this a lesson learned,” Glinda said haughtily. “Even if he thought I gave him ‘permission’, he should’ve known better.”

“So it was a misunderstanding?” Elphaba whispered. “You never gave him your blessing?”

“Absolutely not!” she snipped, indignant. “I don’t want you touching Fiyero with a barge pole. I would’ve thought that was clear by now.”

“Oh, it is.” Not me or anyone else.

“Really. This is all Fiyero’s fault. Imagine misunderstanding me like that.” Nevermind that I encouraged him by accident, Glinda thought. It feels much better to blame my ex.

“Yes, imagine.”

“You would never misunderstand me, would you Elphie?”

“Not intentionally, my sweet.” Elphaba resorted back to her inefficient breathing regimen. In, out, in, out.

Glinda moved so that her head was in Elphaba’s lap, facing upwards. She briefly let go of the green girl’s waist, tucking her hands beneath her chin. “How do you feel about it?”

Elphaba’s heart was stinging. “About what?”

“It’s not all about me. I’m sure today’s been stressifying for you too.”

“Your vocabulary’s already disintegrating. It must mean you’re feeling better-“

“Don’t change the subject, Elphie. How do you feel?”

Elphaba slipped up. All she could hear in her mind was ‘how do you feel about me’?

“I… I…”

Glinda blinked and then smiled from ear to ear. What a conundrum her girlfriend was! When it came to feelings, Elphaba was either a closed book that hadn’t been opened in years or so open a book the pages were frayed. If I ever need reassurance about Elphie’s feelings, I just need to be upfront, and she turns into a blushing mess. She’d just been asking if the green girl was alright, but this was nice too.

She reached up and ran her hand down Elphaba’s cheek. “On second thought, maybe it is all about me.”

When the blonde withdrew her hand, she left a trial of fire along Elphaba’s skin. That was bad enough, but she was glad Glinda hadn’t furthered the conversation. She needed much, much more practice keeping it all hidden.

Glinda hadn’t left the comforts of her duvet yet and really didn’t want to. The rewarding combination of bed and Elphaba was making all the stress and jealousy feel worth it. She repositioned herself closer to her headboard and opened her arms, gesturing Elphaba back towards her.

“Join me,” she practically commanded.

Did someone up the temperature in the sauna? “Haven’t you had enough yet?” she murmured.

“Enough of Elphaba Melena Thropp? Impossible.”

“It’s very much possible to have enough of me.”

“A good teddy bear shouldn’t complain about being hugged. It’s your whole purpose.”

“There should be labour laws for teddy bears. I demand a working wage and regular breaks.”

“Aren’t I payment enough?” she whined, arms still open.

Elphaba looked at the blonde. The girl she liked was calling her over, demanding they embrace. She knew not to read into it- Glinda was extremely vulnerable right now- but the sense of being beckoned made her feel wanted, treasured, even if it was only as a best friend.

“I’d need more payment than that, my pretty,” she said on the spur of the moment, digging herself a nice big hole.

Glinda willingly leapt into the hole her ‘girlfriend’ had dug. Her eyes widened. “Why, miss Elphaba… Did you just flirt with me?”

“W-what? No, I didn’t mean-“

“You did!” she squealed and clapped like a seal. “Now do it again!”

“No,” she scrambled out. “I have made a grave, grave miscalculation. I’m extremely disappointed in myself.”

Glinda wasn’t listening. “Oh my. This Elphie doesn’t just quip, she flirts! She’s an all-purpose teddy bear!”

Elphaba could only rue her actions, mortified and hot under the skin. Glinda decided to stop teasing lest she didn’t get more hug time.

“Come on, just a little bit longer?” She leaned back against the headboard like she was about to faint. “It’s been such a long evening. I’ve been through the emotional ringer and it’s at least half your fault. Don’t I deserve some TLC?”

“TLC?” Elphaba said, in confusion.

“Tender loving care.” Glinda added another instance of ‘curse Colwen Grounds’ to her collection.

“Not really my purview. Can I interest you in some awkward reluctant care?”

“As long as it comes from you.”

Elphaba rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t handle Glinda beforehand- now that she’d put a name to her true feelings, it was going to be an endless uphill battle.

She wanted to say yes. It felt wonderful when Glinda held her. It was like being drunk, woozy on her presence, except Elphaba actually enjoyed the sensation. In both cases, she was out of control, but one of them was unpleasant, and the other was Glinda.

She shifted herself over too, leaning against the headboard. Glinda was delighted and quickly reintroduced her head to Elphaba’s lap. The green girl sat on top of the duvet rather than beneath it. There was only so much her inexperienced heart could take.

“Good teddy bear,” the blonde murmured.

Elphaba didn’t have the willpower to deny her newfound status as a soft toy item.

Glinda eyes fluttered shut, and her breathing relaxed. Some horrible images had been running through her mind- images of Elphaba and Fiyero that made her want to enact unspeakable deeds. She’d cried and fumed in equal measure, but Elphaba was here now. She was in her arms, not Fiyero’s. As is proper, she thought.

Elphaba gave her time before readdressing the elephant in the room. “Glinda?”

“Hmm?” The Gilikin girl sounded exhausted but content.

“… What are you…” She smacked her lips, not wanting to talk about this at all. “What are you going to do about Fiyero, my sweet?”

It was as if Glinda hadn’t heard. The green girl had to insist on an answer before she got one.

“I’ll speak to him tomorrow, probably,” the blonde mumbled. “Did you tell him the truth?” Knowing Elphaba, she assumed not. Glinda had asked her to keep their relationship a secret, and Elphaba was considerate to a fault.

Elphaba sighed. “I didn’t,” she admitted guiltily. “All I said was that I didn’t feel the same way. Nothing about you. He really thought he had your blessing.”

“That’s okay. I’ll deal with it later. We’ll deal with it later. Right now, I don’t want to think about smelly old Fiyero.”

Elphaba wasn’t expecting her childishness, and almost chuckled. “Smelly? Really?”

“He’s earned it, causing all these problems for me.”

“It wasn’t just him-“

“Shhh.” Glinda yawned, snuggling deeper into Elphaba’s thigh. “Let’s not talk.”

The green girl shook her head. “The one time we actually have something to talk about, and Glinda Upland doesn’t want to.”

“Shouldn’t you be glad? This way, I can’t talk your cute little ears off.”

“Only for the-“

Glinda shushed her again. A wave of tiredness was coming over her. She was far too warm, far too comfortable, and she had her girlfriend back (though she never really left).

Elphaba thought she might coax more out of the Gilikin girl but was proven wrong. Besides, the contented look on her face was a charming alternative to talking about Fiyero.

Soon, the blonde girl’s breathing became long and deep. Her chest rose steadily beneath the pink duvet, and her head went still in Elphaba’s lap. On occasion, she shifted, muttering something under her breath, seeking out more of the warmth her ‘girlfriend’ provided.

Elphaba found it intolerably lovely. Glinda had never fallen asleep on her before. The contented look became one of all-encompassing peace, spreading from one to the other. The green girl sat on Glinda’s bed as the seconds ticked by, becoming minutes, then more. Her only task was to watch over the ‘best friend’ who’d chosen her lap as a pillow.

Glinda shifted again, muttered something again. Elphaba looked at the clock. She’d lost track of time; It had been well over an hour. The Munchkinlander had forgotten about the troubles of the day as easily as Glinda. It suddenly didn’t seem to matter that her feelings would never be returned. Being in Glinda’s vicinity, in service of her, felt more than satisfactory.

But Elphaba knew it couldn’t last. Though the seconds continued to tick, she began to look at the clock more and more. 9 was closing in on 10, and she was still here, spoiling herself with the sights and sounds of a sleeping Glinda Upland. She couldn’t stay here all night, tempting though it may be.

She tried to move; Glinda unconsciously resisted. Elphaba smiled weakly. It took awhile, but she slowly but surely removed herself from Glinda’s touch, leaving her with a real pillow instead of a lap. Still, Elphaba didn’t want to go. She gazed over her roommate’s form, the subtle outline of her curves beneath the duvet, the rosy lips, spoiling herself one more time.

She leant down, quivering, to lay a goodnight kiss on Glinda’s cheek. The Gilikin girl had asked her for one of them before, the previous night. That made it okay to offer another unprompted. For sure.

“Goodnight, Glinda. May your dreams be as sweet as you are,” Elphaba murmured, just before her lips made contact with Glinda’s cheek.

Unfortunately, Glinda was only pretending to be asleep. She’d dozed off for real but woke up when her roommate began to pull away.

So, when Elphaba leant down to kiss her on the cheek, Glinda turned her head at the very last moment.

Their lips came together instead.

“…”

“… GLINDA!”

The green girl yanked her head back like she’d been struck. She was already on the edge of the bed, and so tumbled onto the floor with an unceremonious thump. Her hand went to her mouth, the mouth that had just been kissed, eyes blinking at lightning speed.

Glinda didn’t laugh, though the image of her ‘girlfriend’ falling on her backside was certainly amusing. She was too breathless for that. Their lips had touched so ever so briefly, but touched they had, and she would never forget it. Their first kiss! She’d had to steal it, but she’d been planning on extracting one from Elphaba earlier that day. Fiyero had only made her more determined to do so.

She turned over, propping herself up with her elbow, her eyes a little glazed. It was a seductive look that had never failed Glinda before, and didn’t fail now.

Elphaba was still covering her mouth in pure shock. “G-Glinda! You were awake?!”

“If I fool you twice, that’s shame on you…”

The green girl couldn’t find the strength to get to her feet. She gasped for breath. “What was that?”

“I think you know.”

“But… but…” Elphaba’s eloquence was gone. “But why would you…?”

“Why? Lurline help me, she asks why!” Glinda tossed her hair. “Think of it as a reward for your loyalty.”

“My loyalty?!” she choked.

“It was you who asked for more payment.”

“But I… but I… I didn’t…”

Glinda had no intention of taking pity on her. She brought her fingers to her lips. “Mmm. Sorry. I got a little tired of waiting. You won’t hold it against me, will you?”

Elphaba just stared at her, wide-eyed.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that.” Glinda giggled. “Now, get that adorable backside of yours off the floor and into bed.”

“Bed?”

“Yes, yours. There’s more where that came from, Elphie, but not tonight.” She put her hand on her head dramatically. “I’m tired enough as it is. This princess needs her beauty sleep. You can disturb it at a later date.”

Elphaba didn’t budge. She didn’t say a word. The sensory overload was too much. Her lips were red hot. So was everything else, and Glinda was saying things.

The Gilikin rather liked the idea of leaving her girlfriend in the lurch, wanting more. She had no reason to believe it wouldn’t spur more kisses in the future. That was what kept the boys coming back, and the look on Elphaba’s face suggested that, despite her gender, she wasn’t too far removed.

She reached forward and flicked off her bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness. Her eyes were unaccustomed to the change of light, but she could still make out Elphaba’s shape on the floor.

“Come back soon, Elphie,” she said, her voice sultry. Though she couldn’t keep it up for long, turning over and snickering into her pillow. She’d kissed Elphie! The day wasn’t so bad after all!

The flick of the light switch also flicked a switch in Elphaba’s brain. She shot to her feet like a cat that had been jumped. She couldn’t look at Glinda. She couldn’t even think. Her mind had been pan-fried.

The green girl stumbled over to her bed in the dark and clambered inside. Like Glinda, she faced the other way, though more because of shock and disorientation.

Elphaba Thropp was in for a long night.

The green girl didn’t think about much of anything until Glinda fell asleep again- for real this time. Everything was confusion, and had been since Fiyero asked her for coffee.

There was no chance of her going to sleep. Not after being kissed. She’d scarcely come to terms with the epiphany of her feelings before having to come to terms with being kissed, and by the very same girl no less.

By the time she’d overcome the initial stupor, light snoring could be heard from her roommate’s side of the dorm. It had been a long day for Glinda too. Elphaba peered at the blonde’s sleeping form in the dark. The search for a justification began again in earnest, just as she’d tried to justify her determination that Fiyero and Glinda weren't right together.

The first explanation was that Glinda was teasing her. It was possible. Glinda teased her all the time, in ways that ranged from insignificant to major. That would explain Glinda’s coyness, her playfulness. What it didn’t explain was literally everything else. For a joke, even the most Glinda-fied of a joke, kissing her on the lips was a lot. It didn’t allign with all that had happened with Fiyero.

If Elphaba ruled out a joke, there was only one other explanation: that Glinda had kissed her seriously. On the surface, that seemed to make even less sense, but if it wasn’t a joke…

Elphaba wanted to turn the light back on, shake Glinda awake, demand a reason for the turmoil she’d been thrown into. She wanted things to be coherent again. But if the second explanation was true, a far more terrifying possibility would come to light. Paradoxically, she didn’t want Glinda to know, because that would throw their whole friendship into flux. If Elphaba was wrong, she would never hear the end of it, and if she was right, how Glinda would react? On the evidence of today’s bouts of jealousy, very poorly indeed.

Why would Glinda kiss her? Why did anyone kiss anyone? Because they liked them. Elphaba hadn’t initiated the kiss- Glinda had. If she looked at the situation logically, then-

No! A queasy spark of hope in her chest was snuffed out by fear. It’s not true! It can’t be true!

But, Elphaba remembered, she had thought the same about Fiyero.

She recalled what Glinda had said. Think of it as a reward for your loyalty. Could she really fool herself into thinking it was loyalty to a friend? There’s more where that came from, Elphie, but not tonight. Why by the Unnamed God would there be more? I got a little tired of waiting. Why would she be waiting?

Suddenly, she started to recall other things Glinda had said, going back to that night after the Peach and Kidneys. It might be intimidating at first, but if you want Glinda Upland, you get all of her. What did she mean, all of her? I don’t think you realise how much you mean to me either, Elphie. That didn’t seem right either. I was just checking how you felt about us. You know, as a pair. Did that not mean-

A cold sweat was beginning to develop on Elphaba’s brow. She covered her mouth with both hands, trying to get a hold of her breathing.

It hadn’t been the first time Glinda asked for a kiss (though this time she just took it). She asked in the library too…

To be honest, I don’t think I ever had feelings for Fiyero. You’ve made me realise just how wrong he was for me.

I have?

Oh, you have no idea.

Elphaba put a pillow over her face, as if smothering herself. So much of what Glinda had said, how she’d been acting, was beginning to make a dreadful kind of sense. Have I really been so blind?

She couldn’t ask Glinda. No. She didn’t want to. The shame of it was unimaginable. It could cause so much hurt- for both of them- if she was right and if she was wrong. If there was even the slightest chance Elphaba was wrong, she needed to confirm it first. But how could she confirm it without asking Glinda?

She would have to go to the source, and if Elphaba was seeing things correctly, the source could only be one place.

Or two places, rather.

Crope and Tibbett were not officially roommates, though they may as well have been. As the loudest and proudest in Three Queens college, most of the other students were used to their shenanigans by now. Tibbett’s roommate was more lenient, so they’d spent the previous night there together.

The sun had risen over Shiz. Birds were chirping cheerfully, though the bite in the morning air suggested the end of summer and the commencement of autumn. Crope and Tibbett left the latter’s dorm together and headed down the stairs, already locked in conversation.

Well, it wasn’t so much a conversation as an argument.

“Not another word!”

“Okay, but hear me out-“

“-I’ve done that enough, Tibbett. You don’t have anything useful to say-“

“No, listen! Say we just hinted at the problem-“

“That would lead to exactly the same thing!”

“Okay, but it would give us some more buffer time-“

“Buffer time?! Have you gone loopy?”

They’d been debating the misunderstanding between Elphaba and Glinda for much of the previous evening. The only interruption to the ongoing argument was a brief make-out session that frankly lacked its usual fervour. The argument itself was far more impassioned.

Crope was at his wits end. “I don’t care what you say, Tibs. I’m telling her today whether you like it or not.”

“But this prank was my idea in the first place! Therefore, I have artistic control-“

“There’s nothing artistic about this. Oh, it’s a student piece for sure: a complete mess from start to finish.”

Crope stormed ahead and reached the double doors to Three Queens first. He flung them open, stepping out into the morning air. Tibbett scampered after him, his tail between his legs.

“But don’t you think we might-“

“Morning, boys.”

The two of them went very, very, very still.

They recognised that voice. They recognised it well. Crope gave an almighty wince. Tibbett hugged himself instinctively with a whimper.

They turned around. Leaning against the wall of Three Queens, waiting for them, was an infamously verdant figure. Her arms were crossed. A horrendous case of bed hair left her looking like a homeless person. There were dark circles under her eyes. Yet despite all these tell-tale signs of sleeplessness, Elphaba Thropp had an unnatural smile on her face, like a predator about to pounce.

Crope gulped audibly. “M-morning, miss Elphaba! What brings you here?”

“Oh, nothing much,” she said, with faux brightness. “I just felt like seeing two of my best friends. I’m afraid I can’t function without an early dose of Crope and Tibbett in the morning. It’s a serious dependency of mine.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh yes.” She removed herself from the wall, stepping towards them very slowly. They backed away, but there was nowhere to go. “Though I also have a question for you.”

“And what might that-“

Tibbett was cut off by the squeal of two mice in the grass nearby.

Oh no. There weren’t any mice nearby. The two squeals came from them. Elphaba, unable to compose herself a moment longer, had lunged forward and grabbed the two boys by the collars.

“Why does Glinda Upland think I’m her girlfriend?” she snarled.