Lessons
*****
Sirius grumbled as he tucked Arianna into her bed at the Den. She’d finally succumb to her exhaustion after Bill was done berating her, slipping into sleep in her chair. The chances of Charlie speaking his peace at the next opportunity were pretty high, but Sirius knew it would be a while before such a chance was presented to the dragon handler. He couldn’t deny that many of the items on her lists required her direct involvement, but they’d managed to commandeer much of it off her shoulders. The Wizengamot meeting in the morning was one of the few they couldn’t, but Sirius was able to attend now that his name was fully cleared, and he was excited to watch the chaos the pair of them would wreak. Add in the Prewett Twins flooing to advise they were finally ready to rejoin society and it promised to be an interesting day. But in this moment, he was simply a man tucking in his pup. His exhausted, almost sick pup…
Once she was settled under the covers, he perched on the edge of the bed and ran a careful hand through her hair, reveling in the scent of her after so long without her. How could he have been so lucky as to have both his pups back? The hole where James and Lily used to exist still ached fiercely, still caused him to panic occasionally when he couldn’t scent them. But that was something that would never go away. They’d been ripped away too suddenly and his time with the dementors had damaged some of his instincts, according to the goblins and his mind healer. Since it was over two years away from the horrible things and he still felt like someone stabbed a knife in his heart when he couldn’t find even a whisper of his pack alphas, he didn’t doubt it. He would never be able to fully remember that they’d been gone for years. Not always. He could still remember when Arianna had realized, when he’d turned to her and called her Lily without thought. She hadn’t been happy, but she’d not exploded as much as he’d feared. Just like whenever he called Harry James on accident….
He knew the threat she’d given them about that, but Arianna seemed to fully understand that not all of it was his doing. It didn’t mean he wasn’t as horrified as them when he remembered, but it also meant that he had a bit of leeway as he tried to adjust. The therapy was helping, and the promise of retribution was perhaps the best possible motivator to work on further slips.
But it didn’t escape his notice just how much he’d changed. Or how much it hurt to see his godkids shrinking away from him unconsciously every time he slipped up. He no longer was as carefree or irresponsible as he’d been. He still reacted violently sometimes when he was surprised. He hated being cold. And it was taking him longer than Harry to recover his former physical health. Harry was still on nutrient potions, but that was it. Sirius was still on those and the added potions to combat the crushing depression that struck randomly, caused by the conditions of Azkaban and the prolonged exposure to Dementors dredging up long buried or dealt with trauma. He was by no means whole, but he was better. And the slips were happening less frequently. But he’d never be the same, perhaps never able to cast a Patronus again. And really, only Remus would even notice just how much those changes were evident in everything he did. And the wolf was perhaps even more changed than he was.
Yet both of them had missed the strain on their pup. They’d both missed the stress and overworked and alone girl hiding behind the strong woman she often showed. James and Lily would be ashamed of them…
Well, at least he’d finally seen and they’d done something about it, thanks to her more experienced guardians. Theseus, Percival, Tina, Queenie, Newt, and Jacob were a blessing, even if some of the interactions he’d had with the American group were less than pleasant. He could still remember Theseus and Percival threatening Remus and him if they ever betrayed the pair of Potters…. But he would not do so. Not willingly. And he would have to thank them for figuring out the best way to relieve the stress Arianna was under. He should have seen it before finding that blasted list and he’d make sure he punished himself for missing the signs so it didn’t happen again, but he also wanted to thank the group for knowing her better than him and rearranging her plans before she did real damage to herself. If that alone wasn’t an indicator of how changed he was, he didn’t know what was. The old him would have whined loud and long that someone else knew his pups better than him.
“Stop thinking so hard, Pads,” Remus muttered, coming into the room and settling down next to him on the bed.
“We failed her,” he muttered, still running gentle hands through silken red locks. So much like Lily…. At least Arianna didn’t hex him when he played with her hair, though. That he would take any day over Lily’s reactions…. It had taken him a week to get rid of the horrid green polka dots he’d sported after the last time he’d tried.
“We did,” Remus agreed. “But we’re not doing this alone and it’s been addressed. Let’s just work to make sure there’s not a next time.”
“And if there is?”
“Then we catch her when she falls,” Remus muttered, his hand sliding down Sirius’ to gently detangle his fingers from Arianna’s red strands. “But we can’t do everything, Pads, and she doesn’t blame us for it.”
“I blame myself,” he growled. “I’ve failed them both. So many times I’ve failed them over the years. I’ve failed James and Lily too. I’ll probably fail you as well…. My mother was right…. I’m just a failure.”
Remus growled loudly at that and Sirius tensed when Arianna moved, but she only shuffled to her side and snagged a hidden stuffed wolf to snuggle. He sometime forgot how young she was, and it didn’t escape his memory that she’d been imprisoned at 13… Even if she was mentally woken at 17, she was still only a teenager mentally. The way she acted and plotted spoke of many more years than she currently held, even raised as a pureblood lady. She was just so damn young…
“We’re going elsewhere to discuss this,” Remus hissed once she was breathing evenly again, pulling on Sirius’ arm insistently.
Sirius sighed but allowed himself to be pulled away, eyes still locked on his pup and unwilling to take them off until Remus shut the door to her room. Then he was being dragged away and he tried not to whine.
“Sirius!” Remus shouted when he slammed the door to his room shut and had silencing charms cast with quick efficiency so he didn’t risk waking her even as far away as they were. “What in the norns are you on about, failing me?! Or your mother being right? She was a right bint and you know it!”
“I am a failure!” Sirius shouted back, ignoring the swirls of magic the two of them were creating as their emotions lashed out. “Everything I’ve ever tried to do has failed! Save Lily and James by having Peter be the secret keeper! Get revenge when that failed! Protect Harry! Protect Arianna! Clear my name! Protect you! Keep my sanity! I have failed literally everything I have ever tried to do! What is so shocking about thinking that my mother, who told me that all my childhood, was right about me?!”
“Because none of it was your fault!” Remus shouted back, eyes flashing golden for a moment as Moony made his presence known. “You trusted a friend! We all did! We were betrayed. That’s not on you or me or James or Lily. It’s only on Peter. None of us could have known or even tried to control the man’s full insanity! I’m not going to address your rash actions against Peter, because I would have done the same if I’d been in your situation. Betrayal like that, after seeing our best friends dead, it does things to even the most rational person. You can’t protect our pups from the world! They’re not toddlers! They are their own people and we can’t be there constantly! They’ve proven time and again that, even though we think otherwise, they can defend themselves. They’ve had to for years without us. And treating them as the children they never got to be is going to drive them away! Ari wasn’t thinking straight lately, too focused on protecting her brother that she forgot herself. That’s where we can step in. But thinking you can lock them in a box until Riddle and Dumblefuck are taken care of is naïve and more likely to distance them than anything else. And just like them, I don’t need your protection. I love it, because I love you, but I am a grown man, a talented wizard, and have been. Or did you forget who exactly it was always pulling your ass out of the caldron at school? You are as sane as you were when we were kids. Maybe even more so now! You aren’t a failure and your mother was right only about one thing about you.”
Sirius had tears streaming down his face by now. His guilt and anger were close to the surface, but the raw pain in his best friend’s voice was cracking his resolve to distance himself. Remus sounded just as crushed by Peter’s betrayal as he was, even so long after it had happened. And just as terrified for their pups. But they both knew that they were far too late to protect their pups from the world. Both had already suffered so much that their efforts now to shield them would just be seen as a lack of confidence that they could handle it on their own. But the last bit had him freezing.
Remus smiled softly as he sauntered closer to him, eyes intent on his lips. Calloused fingers rubbed away tears and tangled in his loose hair.
“You are one damn stubborn ass,” he muttered before kissing Sirius gently.
Sirius laughed against the now familiar lips and allowed his mate to pull him to the bed.
“But a pretty one, right?” he couldn’t help snarking.
“Prettiest one at the ball. And I have every intention of helping you remember that as often as I need to.”
*****
Harry ducked the miscast spell, glad his reflexes had improved so much.
“Careful, there, Colin,” he teased the younger kid. “That almost hit Malfoy.”
“Potter,” Malfoy snapped. “I am quite capable of terrorizing the little ones all on my own, thank you.”
Harry couldn’t help the snicker and Fred and George joined in.
“Right, so, you were putting too much force into the spell and overcompensated your movement,” Harry explained, making his way to the younger lion to work through the issue.
Today was a practical lesson hidden within a transfigurations study hall McGonagall had arranged while they worked on their other idea and Harry was helping the younger years figure out ways to use the spells they had already learned in a defensive way.
Colin had almost knocked him on his bum with a cleaning charm.
Well, Malfoy really.
As he finished correcting Colin’s work, he let the boy try again with his opponent, a determined Ginny, and took to wandering again.
Somehow, he’d managed to become the tutor for all their sessions. Or at least, the main one. McGonagall was providing the cover, but she was allowing them their freedom. He had grown accustom to the sight of her in cat form, lounging in a patch of sun or batting around a cat toy while they practiced or discussed ideas in her classroom. She was joined occasionally by one of the many students’ cats that lived in the castle during the school year, which helped some of the more nervous forget the fearsome professor in their midst. It was hard to when she was rolling around in the corner with a mischievous Crookshanks. McGonnagall maintained that it allowed the students to forget she was there and focus on the lessons, but it didn’t stop her from distracting some of them. Her antics were frankly terrifying, and he tried not to think too hard on them.
It was bad enough Fred had tried sneaking some catnip into her pocket…
He shuddered at the look she’d shot his twins at that.
“Head in the clouds again, Potter?” Malfoy drawled, sidling up to him to join in surveying the room.
“Always,” Harry said with a small smile. “And I thought we’d agreed on first names, Draco.”
“You are insufferable,” Draco said with a sneer. “Just because I take great pleasure in correcting idiot Gryffindors in the art of defense doesn’t mean we’re friends.”
“I never said it did,” Harry said with a sigh. “You were the one that demanded I call you Draco…”
Harry chanced a glance at his tentative friend and smirked at the mild twitch the blond had developed in one eye.
“Wonders never cease,” Draco finally admitted. “You earned it when you proved you weren’t a complete moron. Being able to cast some of the spells you do, in the way you do, and use whatever means to survive are admirable traits.”
“Wow, a compliment from the Ice Prince of Slytherin,” Harry teased, much more comfortable with the blond after two months of hard work on their rivalry. They’d never be as close as he was with Ron and Hermione and Quidditch would always be a sore subject, but they’d found their footing with each other. Finally.
“Babbling rabbits,” McGonagall’s stern voice cut through the noise of the room and instantly, Harry was moving to sort the room.
Remnants of spells were banished, the box of cushions was distributed, and everyone got to work trying to transfigure them into anything else. The first years were expected to try something easy, such as a table. Each year after was expected to try something with increasing difficulty, with the few seventh years in the room expected to try for an actual rabbit.
When Harry was settled with his own cushion and McGonagall was peering over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow, he set to work trying to make a book appear instead. The tricky part was always getting the pages something other than blank and the really tricky part was getting it legible.
“Minerva,” the very familiar and hated voice of Umbridge cut through the various groups helping each other out as she scurried her way into the room. “I thought you’d already finished your lessons for the day.”
“And as you’ve been told multiple times, many professors provide additional tutoring if needed and study halls such as this for additional time to practice,” McGonagall drawled, gesturing around the room before looking at the woman with a stern glare.
“But, Minerva, the Education Decrees clearly stipulate that there can be no gathering beyond two students that I am unaware of,” Umbridge chided in what Harry assumed was supposed to be understanding and mild rebuke but came out as a sneer.
He just made sure to keep his head down and focus on his cushion. He actually did need some help getting this transfiguration down so didn’t mind the extra practice, even if it was the agreed upon cover for tonight.
“And as you are aware, that Decree is for student led organizations,” McGonagall pointed out bluntly. “Now, are you going to continue to distract with my students or can I get back to actually teaching?”
Harry had to bite his lip to keep in his snicker. Then grunted when Malfoy jabbed his elbow into his side. A questioning eyebrow had the blond shaking his head minutely and just showing him the wand movement again, as if helping him.
Harry suppressed a sigh but let himself get lost in the mini lesson from his once enemy as his most intimidating professor did what she did best with the Ministry spy.