In the Cards

“How can you say that?!”

“Severus, please calm yourself,” Albus tried for the umpteenth time, only to sigh deeply as he was once more interrupted.

“I’ve been working on this for more than four months and I’m not getting any closer to find anything even remotely suitable to help Lily,” the potion master went on, too angry to notice how desperate he sounded. “The only thing we’ve heard from Poppy is that everything looks normal, but how can being stuck in a magical coma be normal, Albus!? None of us have any idea of what is bloody going on, besides the fact that it looks like Lily’s magical core is fed by the baby’s life; what happens then that’s not the case anymore, hum? And don’t you dare tell me we still have two months because I will fully lose my mind and attempt to murder you!”

Albus sighed and thinned his lips at the outburst but made no comment. “Do you have the slightest idea how hard it is to have to hear Harry ask when ‘Mommy’s waking up’? How painful it is to watch him talk to her and nearly cry when she doesn’t answer?”

Severus was panting by the end of his tirade, red to the face and eyes haunted. The situation was desperately taking a toll on the young man. Albus was well placed to attest to that. As much as Sirius and Remus were concerned with Lily’s condition, and did their fair share of research on the matter, they were not alone. They had each other, and despite everything, Albus had to admit it made a very wide difference in how they could endure the uncertainty on Lily’s future.

Severus had no one. He did talk with the staff, opening up to Albus, Minerva or Poppy occasionally and even tolerated both Remus and Sirius, but that was it. The rest of the time Severus was working himself to the bone between his classes and his research, spending time with Harry in his off time. It was quite grieving to observe and Albus was afflicted by his inability to find a suitable solution. Severus had retreated to himself further and further as the months went by, and now less than two months away from Lily’s supposed delivery, he was truly starting to downward spiral.

“Of course you don’t! The boy is literally holding back tears whenever he asks! Looking at me with those big green eyes of his, filled with hope that I have to betray every single time. You should see the look on his face! He’s not even two and already tries to hide his pain. He fails miserably mind you, but it shouldn’t be the burden of a two-year-old to bear!”

“Perhaps he spends too much time with you,” Albus couldn’t help but remark, earning himself a dark look.

“This is not funny Albus.”

Albus’ face darkened. “Have I ever pretended otherwise Severus?” he asked, tone making clear what answer was expected. Severus winced and turned away for a moment, upset.

“What are we going to do Albus,” he said after a few seconds of silence. “What are we going to do with- for Harry when his mother doesn’t wake up?”

There was such finality in Severus’ words that Albus felt suddenly very old. He had thought of this. A lot. And like the rest, he couldn’t fathom what magical prowess would ensure Lily’s recovery subsequently to her baby’s birth. Hope was not entirely lost though. It wouldn’t until they had tried everything. Albus had been exchanging with a few of his trusted relations, but had been particularly picky with whom he decided to share Lily’s predicament. He couldn’t risk this to reach the wrong ears. Nicholas Flamel was one he contacted and from whom he learned that the Elixir of Life might preserve Lily’s life but wouldn’t help in rousing her from her coma. It could gain them more time to figure something else out, but it was the high risk of such a strategy that had Albus warry of relying solely on it. He had not been the only one reaching out, and many of the staff had, after seeking approval with him as to whom they could explain the situation to, reached out to various of their own relations. They were exploring every single branch of magic to solve that puzzle, from healing plants to mystical creatures. The only thing they had stayed cleared of after extensive research was Dark Magic. For what Dark curse could help break a magical coma born out of love while preserving the life of the patient? None of the things Albus had learned or read would enable them to help Lily and this kind of magic always had a price. One he feared was too high on all those involved.

The old man looked up and his eyes fell onto the contemplative potion master. Severus was standing arms crossed in front of a window, brow creased and eyes unseeing.

“Isn’t the Elixir you concocted helping though, my boy?” he risked asking. Poppy had come to him about what the young man had produced several weeks ago. She had looked hopeful and pleased as she announced that the potion seemed to be strengthening Lily’s magical signature, implying a stronger core.

Severus’ shoulders sagged as he sighed and rolled his eyes. “Not nearly enough,” he vehemently retorted, sounding bitter. “I told you, I cannot come up with a permanent, suitable solution! All I’ve been doing is being a short-term auxiliary life-support. The actual power comes from the baby and once it’s gone, Lily will fade. The Elixir just helps in the meantime –what, I wonder, considering…”

“I am wondering though Severus,” he said, waiting to have the young man’s attention before continuing. “If the Elixir strengthens Lily magical core, shouldn’t that mean she will be able to sustain it herself once the baby is not there to support it?”

Severus opened and closed his mouth like a gold fish, unable to find any answer. For there was none. This was entire speculation on Albus’ part, but ever since Poppy had come to him and explained her findings; he couldn’t stop pondering over the possibilities. He had not stopped searching in the meantime of course, but this development was indeed, very encouraging.

Severus finally stopped gaping, and his eyes hardened once more, face closing off. “We can’t be sure of that. The only way we’ll know if that’s enough is when the baby is actually separated from Lily, and if it doesn’t work, there will be nothing we can do anymore, it’ll be too late.”

Ah. So there was it. Severus had indeed explored the possibility too, probably before Poppy had even realized what was happening. He simply did not dare hope. And instead was swallowed whole by his despair. Albus couldn’t blame him. He seemed at rope’s end, emotionally wrung, exhausted and seemingly out of option but to wait things out. For all that Severus was patient in many regards, he wasn’t one to sit and let things unfold without ensuring they did unfold in the desired direction. He would never wish to play with Lily’s life by risking being wrong on the potency and potential of his Elixir.

“I don’t know what to do…”

The words came out so quietly that Albus would have missed them if the room had not been so utterly silent. For the first time in a very long time, Severus Snape sounded young. Very young, and Albus felt his chest constrict at the vulnerability he detected in the voice he barely recognized.

He took in a deep breath. What to do indeed. This wasn’t a simple matter that any of them could walk out of unchanged if matters did not turn out for the best. The old man knew that whatever he chose to say next, Severus would listen and hold on to it until everything was over. He couldn’t choose how things would turn out and he couldn’t set up Severus for further pain if all their efforts remained fruitless.

“We don’t give up.”

Severus looked up, lips a thin line and turmoil in those black orbs. “We do everything we can while we still can. In the meantime, the Elixir is helping, regardless of whether it ends up saving Lily, it still helps to ensure she remains healthy.”

Severus winced, no doubt as he considered the expiry date of such ‘health’. It wasn’t a very encouraging thought, but Albus couldn’t blame him for his cynicism. It had always been part of the young man’s arsenal in how he went through the world around him, like an armor against all its harshness. And harshness he had known. Too much and too young.

“This is the only thing we can do Severus. Give up our efforts, our time, our energy into finding a remedy that will bring Lily back to us. We cannot control how things will play out once the little one is born; what we can control is what we do until then.”

Severus released a shaky breath and nodded slowly. This wasn’t a ‘magic bullet’ like the muggles said. But this was the reality of things, and the sooner they all came to terms with it, the easier it will be to face whatever the outcome of Lily’s pregnancy was.