Speak To Me

There have been a few physical lessons so far and everything went well. No complaints so far, some even liked it; one in particular stood out. Seeing as the 5^th years won the obstacle run, I was very surprised when a certain Gryffindor student was the first to arrive at the first official class. Mr. Wood had explained he didn’t need a free period and was actually looking forward to another work-out, besides his Quidditch practices. Actually he was the first to arrive at the other times as well, one time he arrived even before me.

I have talked about it with some of the other teachers. Most of them found it very out of the ordinary that a student showed up for a class he didn’t have to attend. Minerva was the only one that was not surprised, having known the boy and his mannerisms a little better since he was in her house. She told that he had always been this driven about the things he likes, until now that mostly was Quidditch, she guessed he must like my class as well.

I really liked this confirmation that I was doing a good job, it just made my pride grow even more. Even though it confirmed once again that the cryptic old man had been right all along, I still wouldn’t admit that out loud. At least not until that same man will finally be straight with me about the reason he wanted me here in the first place. I’m pretty convinced I’m not the only option for this position, hell I believe multiple Professors at this school right now could take over with ease.

Severus might be a little too aggressive in his teaching style, but certainly has the knowledge and skillset. Minerva would be brilliant for this class I’m sure of it. Plus let’s not forget about Filius, he was a Duelling Champion after all. Every one of them would have been a better pick in my eyes, since they all already have experience teaching. Sure I turned out to be somehow good at it, but there was no way he could have known that without even testing me first, right? He just took a chance and got lucky if you ask me.

There had to be another reason why he wanted me here, but I just couldn’t figure out what that was. I had kept my eyes and ears open like he told me to do. I still noticed nothing really out of the ordinary; except for the fact that one of our newest students had been famous since he was an infant and even that excitement had died down a bit. Although it might flare up once the school finds out he is the new Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.

The reason that I knew that was because Minerva had told be about the incident where Harry had mounted his broom and caught a Remembrall that belonged to a classmate of his. She was so excited that perhaps this could be the year Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup. She also told me about the plan Oliver wood had to keep him as a secret weapon. It felt nice to be part of that secret, realizing Minerva trusted me, a former Slytherin, with information like this.

Although I’m a teacher now and our previous Houses hardly matter especially since I’m not Head of a House, so technically it’s not that weird. However, if you consider how big of a deal Quidditch is at this school among students and faculty. I hardly doubt she told any other teacher about her newest addition to the team. That moment it had sunk in that even though I was mostly trying to befriend someone from my past, I might have actually gained a close friend without even realizing.

Considering I really had only one actual friend in my student days, this concept was a bit new to me. We became friends because we both discovered secrets about another and that created some weird bond that slowly formed into a friendship. Thinking back to all the conversations I had shared with Minerva, I felt a slight guilt creeping in. Since I was never completely honest about whom I was. Which then turned into a little fear I would lose her as a friend if she ever discovers that I had been lying from the start.

I knew keeping all of this a secret was for my own safety, but I was starting to feel the toll of living with it. There only was one person that knew who I was, but it would just be plain weird if I hung out with him all the time. Plus the fact that he probably had better things to do than to listen to me whine about my feelings every time. I have lived with this burden for over a decade now, but it had been so much easier not surrounded and reminded of my past every single day.

Perhaps if I knew what I was doing here besides teaching, I would be able to focus on that. I still don’t know what I’m risking my safety and secret for. It was obvious Albus had some kind of reason for hiring me and it must be part of some kind of plan. He told me everything would be clear to me in time, but I was getting impatient. I had asked him these questions again a few days ago, when he asked me to meet him to discuss how my new physical lessons were going.

Once again I left his office no clearer on the answer and possibly with more questions in my head. I was pretty close at yelling in his face to give me some real answers, but I held it in since it would probably make no difference. Guessing by the interactions I’ve had with the Almighty Dumbledore, chances were I wasn’t the first one to get frustrated with him. Hell it wouldn’t even surprise me if there had been people yelling at him to make some goddamn sense for once.

So after another attempt I was still none the wiser. The biggest part of my mind just wanted to accept that I would figure it all out when it was time. Too bad there was this one curious little voice that wanted to know everything right now. That same voice made me slightly paranoid as well, making me over-think all kinds of scenarios. What if he had this big role for me in his crazy mind that I wasn’t competent enough to fulfill? What if his plans were so dangerous that it could cost me my life? What if I was supposed to take someone’s life at some point? What if he wanted me to face my father who found some miraculous way to escape Azkaban?

Or it could all be something simple; like he wanted me to have a real chance of a normal life, with his protection so I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulder all the time. Right now in my over-imaginary brain there were countless options and I didn’t even have a single clue of what direction my life would go in. All I could hope for was that whatever was coming on my path wouldn’t kill me.

A new day had arrived and I couldn’t help but smile realizing what day it was. It was my favorite day of the year; Hallowe’en. Except this time I needed to be a little more subtle, at least around a certain someone. I thought back on how we ended this day last year and wondered if I should do it again. Make it some weird tradition, although I wasn’t sure if he would let me in this year. Although he never complained about me invading his solitude a year ago and he practically did the same thing for me a few months ago. I still wasn’t sure if he would want to repeat it. 

Thankfully I still had a couple of hours to think about that, so I pushed the thought out of my head for now. After taking my time getting ready, I headed towards the Great Hall. The scent of pumpkin filling my nostrils while I once again adored the decorations in the castle. The more I took in, the more excitement filled my body and it was getting hard not to be overly excited on the outside. I greeted everyone I came across in the halls and when I entered the Great Hall.

After wishing everyone a ‘Good morning’ with a smile I sat down next to Severus. Silently filling my plate with breakfast. I had only one class today, so the remaining of the day would be filled with grading homework and preparing lessons. I hoped it would give me enough distraction so I wouldn’t be thinking about my possible plans for tonight. The same dark gloomy vibe from last year surrounded the man on my left.

So during breakfast my inner debate on whether to visit him or not tonight was in full swing. It would be so much easier if that man just spoke up about what he wanted. However, I doubt he would ask me to come over himself. I didn’t even know if he would expect me to come, or that last year was insignificant for him and it didn’t even cross his mind. If I did went to see him tonight it would definitely show that I know something was bothering him on this day and that I was there for him if he wanted me to. It could also annoy him that I was trying to invade his personal space and that would not be good for this fragile friendship we’ve build up.

I’ve had my class and right now my desk was filled with the received homework. Though the parchments on my desk didn’t get any attention. I had managed to teach without any real distractions, but now that I was alone with that stupid brain of mine, I couldn’t focus on anything. I tried multiple times, but failed every attempt. After a few hours I decided to give it up for today, accepting the fact that I had more work tomorrow.

I went outside on a walk, hoping to clear my head. I ended up at Hagrid’s hut and I talked with him about nearly anything until it was time to join the Hallowe’en feast. We had walked in the Great Hall together. I was laughing at something Hagrid said about how he sometimes failed at making the decorations before we both went our own way taking our usual seats.
“Is there anyone you haven’t charmed at this school?” a low drawl came from my left.
“So far you’re the only one fighting it” I whispered with a grin, patiently waiting for the opening of the feast.

The Great Hall was filled with pleasant chatter while everyone enjoyed the extensive spread that lined the tables. After his one sentence directed towards me, Severus had been silently eating not speaking to anyone. I was engaged in a conversation about the day with Filius, while I sometimes looked over, hoping the other man beside me would join in. I had noticed we were one Professor short; Quirrell and I wondered why that was. I was just about to ask Filius if he knew where our missing Professor was, when suddenly the door of the Great Hall flew open.

Sounds of shock filled the Hall as Quirinus was running towards the teacher’s table. I noticed that Albus was rising from his seat.
“TROLL!!! IN THE DUNGEONS!!” My eyes went big and my mouth dropped hearing those words.
“Thought you ought to know” He added before passing out in front of the table. Simultaneously with his body hitting the floor the students all panicked and screamed. I sat there frozen trying to process what just happened. I was taking out of my trail of thoughts when Albus starting shooting purple fire crackers out of his wand trying to get silence.

“Prefects!” He rumbled as soon as all the students stared at him.
“Lead your houses back to the dormitories immediately!” As soon as he spoke his orders, the loud voices of the Prefects guiding their housemates out of the Great Hall and towards their common rooms. Albus turned his attention towards us.
“Professors follow me to the Dungeons” We all rose and followed the Headmaster, though in the corner of my eye I saw Severus taking a side door.

I wondered for a moment where he went, before addressing my full attention to the task at hand and that was finding the troll that got into the school. Upon reaching the Dungeons we had split into groups to search as quickly as possible for the troll. I was teamed up with Minerva, my wand at the ready, although I could easily defend myself without it. It just gave some sort of security in this situation. In complete silence Minerva and I searched our part of the lower grounds of the castle, while keeping our ears and eyes out for everything out of the ordinary.

After a while there was no sign of the troll in our area, when suddenly a loud noise was heard.
“Did that sounded like a troll to you too?” I asked Minerva while we looked at each other and she simply nodded. We immediately made our way towards the noise. While on our way we were joined by Severus and Quirinus. The question on where Severus went to came back to my head along with wondering if Quirinus felt okay. I pushed them back since there were more urgent things happening right now.

The four of us went in the Girls Lavatory and I was shocked at the sight. In front of us laid the mountain troll and two young students next to it. Quirinus took one look at the troll, let out a faint whimper and quickly sat down on a toilet, clutching his heart.
Severus bent over the troll while I kept my position next to Minerva. She was looking at Harry and Ron, fuming; I never had her seen so angry before.
“What on earth were you thinking of?” She said with cold fury in her voice.

Harry looked at Ron, who was still standing with his wand in the air.
“You’re lucky you weren’t killed! Why aren’t you in your dormitory?” She asked next. Severus gave Harry a swift, piercing look before turning his attention back to the troll on the floor. Harry now looked towards the floor, clearly not knowing what to say or do in the situation. I was about to speak, when a small voice came out of the shadows.
“Please Professor McGonagall, they were looking for me” We both turned towards the voice.
“Miss Granger!” She took a few steps closer after climbing back up from the ground.
“I went looking for the troll because I.. I thought I could deal with it on my own.. you know, because I’ve read all about them” I noticed Ron lowered his wand, his eyes glued on Hermione.

“If they hadn’t found me, I’d be dead now. Harry stuck his wand up its nose and Ron knocked it out with its own club. They didn’t have time to come and fetch anyone. It was about to finish me off when they arrived”
“Well… In that case” Minerva spoke looking at all three of them.
“Miss Granger, you foolish girl, how could you think of tackling a mountain troll on you own??”  Hermione hung her head.

“Miss Granger, five points will be taken from Gryffindor for this. I’m very disappointed in you. If you’re not hurt at all, you’d better get off to Gryffindor Tower. Students are finishing the feast in their houses” And with those words spoken, Hermione left the girl’s bathroom, passing both of us. Minerva snapped her head back towards the two boys.
“Well, I still say you were lucky, but not many first years could have taken on a full-grown mountain troll. You each win Gryffindor five points. For sheer dumb luck…. Professor Dumbledore will be informed on this. You may go” The boys seemed a bit relieved and didn’t know how fast they could get out of here.

The four of us were left with the troll, Quirinus finally got up from the toilet and left to go get Albus, along with Minerva. Severus and I stayed behind, making sure the troll stayed down until we could get him out of the castle. Even when it was just the two of us, I couldn’t ask him what I wanted to know. My eyes were glued to the enormous troll lying on the floor, like Hermione I had read all about them. I’ve heard stories about them on my travels, but this was the first time that I actually saw one in real life and it made me rather nervous.

After all that had happened this evening, students caught with the troll, getting rid of it and making sure that everyone was really in their houses; I had finally made up my mind. Even though it was late and it would probably be smarter to try to sleep; somehow I had the feeling that wouldn’t happen right now. I had grabbed a bottle out of my dorm and was on my way towards Severus. A part of me being selfish, not caring if he wanted company or not right now. Because right now I needed it.

He had retreated to his dorm around the same time as me. I knocked and I nervously waited for him to open the door. The door opened slightly and I was met with dark eyes staring down at me.
“Can I please come in?” I asked, softly biting my lip; a part of me afraid of rejection right now.
“Why?” He drawled, not moving or opening the door any further.
“I could do with some company right now” I said holding up the bottle in my hand and looking at him with pleading eyes.

I could feel my heart beating against my chest as I waited for his response, hoping he would let me in. Hoping for once he fell for my so-called ‘charms’, like the others usually did. For a moment I thought he was going to throw the door in my face, when he disappeared from my sight. I stood there waiting for a loud bang that never came. The door remained open, I hesitantly pushed the door opening it further. My eyes scanned the dark dorm, with the same lay-out as mine, except his was darker.

I found Severus sitting on the couch and noticed two glasses on the small table in front of him.
“Close the door” He said without looking over his shoulder. I softly closed the door, nerves kept filling every inch of my body. I wasn’t sure why, the man had let me in. Still this was the first time in his room and all I wanted to do was to explore it. Seeing if there was something here that could unravel some of the mystery that surrounded this man. I placed the bottle on the table, but didn’t sit down. I took a few steps towards the warm fire that was brewing and wrapped my arms around me.

“I still don’t understand how something like this could have happened” I muttered while my eyes where glued to the bright colors in front of me. 
“I mean strange stuff always seem to be happening in this castle..” I tore my eyes away from the fire and looked over my shoulder. Severus was pouring the two glasses and handed one glass to me.
“But I can’t remember that a threat from outside got in” I looked at the glass that was in my hands. Severus leaned back in his couch and took a sip.
“Doesn’t it make you wonder how this happened? I mean how could a troll get in here, I’ve been out there so many times and I never came across any sign of trolls on the grounds”

“Dumbledore is going to investigate the incident” He simply stated and I nodded. I walked towards the other end of the couch and let myself fall. I must admit this couch was more comfortable than the one at his house back in Cokeworth. I turned towards Severus, now his eyes where glued towards the flames.
“And to think three young children faced that thing. That could have turned out so ugly.”  I muttered following his gaze towards the flames.

I almost finished my third glass when I turned to him again, not sure how long I’ve been here or what time it was.
“Where did you go tonight?” The words left my mouth before I could think it through. Severus sat there in silence for a moment, taking his last sip.
“I needed to check something” He stated and he set the glass down. I opened my mouth, but he interrupted me.
“You should try to get some sleep, it’s late..”  He said, not taking his eyes off of the fireplace.

I nodded and placed the glass next to his and pushed myself off the couch. I was a little disappointed by the fact that he didn’t give me a straight answer, but even more in the fact that I couldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut.
“Thank you Severus. Goodnight” I said, he muttered a ‘Goodnight’ as well before I left him alone and went back to my own dorm. I did fall asleep pretty easy thanks to the Firewhiskey in my system, but I didn’t sleep peacefully. Nightmare scenarios filled my head, situations filled with blood and death.

Days passed and the fear among the students about what happened on Hallowe’en had slowly faded. Students felt more at ease and slowly new news had hit the hallways. Despite the efforts of Minerva and the whole Gryffindor Quidditch Team, the news of Harry being their new seeker got out. Stories on how he would be glorious and stories that he would fail miserably had been the hottest topics among the students right now. Only increasing more seeing the first Quidditch match of the season, Slytherin versus Gryffindor, was tomorrow.

There had been a tension between Severus and I since that night. In spite of my efforts of trying to pretend nothing had happened. I cursed my damn mouth, and me for once again getting me in trouble. I felt like this friendship kept taking one step forward and two steps backwards. It still didn’t discourage me of pursuing it though. Most people would have certainly given up by now, but I wasn’t ready to accept defeat. Every time this fragile bond hit a bump, I always managed to get it back somehow.

In the course of the passed days I did notice something about Severus, making me even more curious on what he did the night of Hallowe’en. He was limping and even though he probably tried his best to hide it, it seemed like it wasn’t getting any better. At first I thought he could probably take care of it on his own, but as the week went by no sign of improvement came. I wanted to offer my help, but I didn’t want to insult him by bluntly saying something. Still I was a bit worried about him.

I didn’t really have an appetite that evening, barely eating my dinner. Biting my lip in between bites, trying not to blurt out something stupid again. After dinner was over and it was time for the students to retreat to their common rooms, I noticed the limp was still pretty bad as Severus left for his rounds. I went back to my dorm and gathered some supplies I had taken with me from Japan. I went towards the Teacher’s lounge, knowing Severus would pass it on his way back towards the dorms.

I waited for a pretty long time outside, before I finally got a glimpse of the man I was waiting for. I smiled towards him as he came closer.
“Ah just the person I wanted to see” I said still smiling and in a friendly tone, I opened the door and signed for him to come in. He seemed a bit hesitant at first, but went in any way.
“What is this about?” He asked while I closed the door.
“Sit down, please” I said, still maintaining my friendly demeanor. His eyes scanning me as he took a seat. I sat on the table in front of him and kept smiling towards him.

“Show me your leg” I said bluntly and it was like something was about to explode inside the man in front of me. I simply raised my hand before he could speak.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been limping ever since Hallowe’en, now uncover that leg and let me help you” I spoke calmly.
“I’m fine” He drawled, his face telling me he was still ready to explode.
“No you’re not, but that’s okay. I just want to help you” I said still remaining calm.

“Are you accusing me of lying?” He snapped, venom almost dripping from his words.
“Not specifically. You’re just refusing help” A smile still on my face.
“I could go to Madam Pomfrey. Maybe you will listen to her” I said getting up from my seat. I was almost at the door when I heard a low grunt.
“Fine” He muttered and as I turned back towards him he was beginning to roll up his pants. I was relieved that it had been so easy to convince him and I didn’t want to waste the opportunity.

I kneeled down in from of him and placed his foot on my lap. I carefully unwrapped the old bandages; that looked like they needed changing like yesterday and looked at the now uncovered wound
“So did this happened when you needed to check something?” I asked carefully while I pulled my bag from under the table.
“That doesn’t concern you” He snapped turning his head away from me. I laid out the vials on the table, along with some bandages. I cut a piece off of the bandages with a simple spell before drenching it with the content of one of the vials.
“I see”  I said softly looking at the wound and placing my free hand on the back of his knee to keep his leg steady.

“So this wound wasn’t caused by big teeth hmm? Lets say the teeth of a certain three headed dog named Fluffly” I said looking up while I started dapping the soaked piece of bandage on the wound. At first contact I felt his leg muscles tighten and his head snapped towards me; anger growing in his eyes.
“You got lucky, he could have bitten it clean off” I said, while I continued cleaning the wound. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Blasted thing, how are you supposed to keep your eyes on all three heads” He mutters.

Before I got the chance to answer him, his head shot towards the door.
“POTTER!” Severus’ face was now twisted with fury as he dropped his robes quickly to hide his leg, making me pull my hands back.
“I just wondered if I could have my book back” He softly spoke.
“GET OUT! OUT!” He yelled and the door shut and the sounds of the young boy running away faded quickly.

He started to shift in his seat, clearly wanting to get up. I pushed a finger against his wound out of pure instinct. A low groan escaped his mouth and his fury was now directed at me.
“Stay.. I am not done yet” I said strictly, my eyes matching my tone. Clearly a bit taken back by my sudden mood change, he let out a breath through his teeth; but stayed seated on the couch. We stared at each other for a moment, before I let out the breath I’ve been keeping in. I pulled his robe away without breaking eye contact, making sure that he knew I was serious.

My face softened and I turned my attention back on cleaning the wound. I opened a second vial and the room was immediately filled with the scent of the different herbs inside it.
“This will help with the healing” I said calmly not taking my eyes of his wound while I applied the ointment. I heard a scoff coming from Severus and I looked up one eyebrow raised.
“Got experience with Three Headed dogs now?” He asked accompanied by a barely audible chuckle.
“I got the recipe for this when I first arrived in Japan. I came across a village where many witches and wizards ended up after being wounded in the nearby forest. I’ve seen wounds much more lethal than yours being cured”

His facial expression softened, almost like an apology.
“It’s not easy to make, it involves a lot of precise directions and seeing as most of the ingredients don’t grow in this part of the world, that is probably the reason hardly anyone knows about this remedy” I added while finishing up his leg with a fresh layer of bandage. I softly pushed his foot off my lap signing him that I was done. I turned around towards the table, putting the vials back in my bag that weren’t needed now.

I took the two vials I used and held in front of him.
“This one is a simple herbal disinfectant that works well in combination with the ointment. First, clean you wound, then apply the ointment and cover it with fresh bandages; about three times a day until the wound is fully closed. After that, you only need to apply the ointment until the pain is gone” I explained pushing the vials in his hand.

I got up, took my bag and wanted to turn away.
“If you run out just come to my dorm and I’ll get you some more. Don’t be stubborn about this Severus. There is no shame in feeling pain after a bite from a creature like that” He simply nodded.
“Thank you”  He said softly and I smiled at him.
“That’s what friends are for”
“Friends?” A little confusion on his face.

“Yes Severus. Whether you like it or not, I consider you my friend. Hopefully one day you will realize I’m yours as well” I said, turning away from him. I opened the door, just to close it a few seconds after turning towards him.
“Oh, by the way. If you decide to check on ‘something’ again. Take me with you, I know how to make that ‘blasted thing’ turn in to a sleeping puppy” I said crossing my arms. Severus raised an eyebrow at me while he got up from the couch.
“Sometimes ‘charms’ come in handy. Or in my case I was talking with my friend Hagrid, he told me all about his pets” I said before leaving Severus behind in the Teacher’s lounge.