Speak To Me

It had been 2 months since the school year had started and I couldn’t have been happier on how it went. I had made it very clear during the second class, that just because they had passed the test, they still could be cut from the class if they didn’t handle this properly. The first month of teaching had been a little chaotic as I was still trying to adapt to the position, still the students had hung on my lips with everything I had told them. When the time came for them to split up in to two classes, I was getting more comfortable with my teaching and I felt more confident about it.

I kept the classes for the 6th and 7th years a little lighter than the other; giving them a little less homework. That month the practical lessons also started and I was pleased with the dedication and respect of the students. Even though they practiced on enchanted dummy’s I started to notice progress. All these things only confirmed I had chosen the right students for this and all the insecurities I had were slowly disappearing. Because this was all such a success, I started to feel more at home with every passing week.

I even became kind of popular among the kids, even the ones that weren’t in my class. It was something I hated when I was a student here myself, but for some reason I kind of liked it now. My class was becoming a popular subject as well. Students below their 5th years were getting excited after hearing the stories from my students. It made me somewhat proud; because it was telling me I did a good job. Sure not everyone was as positive about it; some thought it was way too dangerous to be taught. Some were students whose ego’s got bruised because they didn’t make it.

The music class was a whole different thing though. Sure I liked Harvey and the way he treated his students was good. I just didn’t completely approve of the way he pretty much dictated the class on which songs they were going to play. I always thought that this extra-curricular was a perfect creative outlet for the students, but since he decided on the songs I kind of felt like he was suppressing that a little. Still, since I was just an assistant in his classes I didn’t argue and just did it his way. Making up my mind that by the time I would teach this class my own, a lot would change.

I was walking towards the great hall with an enormous smile on my face for breakfast. Today was October the 31st, better known as Halloween. I always loved the way the castle was decorated on this day and on my travels loved the way other cultures celebrated it, or something similar on another day of the year, like Día de los Muertos. Still Halloween at Hogwarts was a nostalgic love, the decorations, the ghosts that were more active and around and of course the food. Just the smell of the food made my mouth water.

I greeted some students on my way to the teachers’ table, while also looking at all the carved pumpkins that were scattered around.
“Good morning everyone” I said with a big smile before sitting down at my usual spot next to Severus. Everyone had greeted me as well, except for one; the one I sat next to. He just stayed silent while eating his breakfast; he didn’t even look up from his plate.
“Someone is extra cheery this morning” I heard Filius say on my other side. I turned towards him, still smiling like an idiot.
“I just love this day” I simply replied before getting myself some breakfast.

During breakfast I was really tempted to ask what was wrong with the man on my left. In the last two months I really felt like we were connecting, he even started to greet me in the morning, or replying with a goodnight. I had even helped him with inventory one night, which still didn’t count as repaying the favor in his mind since I volunteered to help him. I didn’t complain though, seeing I still had an excuse to spend time with this man. Even though I used his first name whenever it was the two of us and he still used my last name, I really thought there was a friendship in the making.

Just the more reason I didn’t understand what was going on with him right now. Suddenly he rose from his seat and walked away not saying a thing to anyone. I had followed his trail with my eyes for a moment, before returning to my conversation with Filius about why I liked this holiday so much. Slowly the students started to leave for their classes, just like the majority of the teachers. Since I had no class today and just some papers to grade I stayed behind talking to Hagrid; who started telling me all about his secret to grow such large pumpkins.

After a while, Hagrid had to go back to work as well and I went to my office. A stack of 20 papers from the 5th year students lay on my desk with the topic: Advantages and Disadvantages of potions during a duel. It was interesting to read their thoughts on the matter and it hardly felt like work to be honest. I was halfway through the stack when it was already time for lunch. During that only more questions came to my head, because this time Severus didn’t even show up. Should I be worried? Did I do something wrong in the last couple days? Or did he just really hate this holiday?

I was on my way back to the dungeons when I saw him walking in front of me. I quickened my pace and managed to catch up with him.
“Hey you! I missed you at lunch” I said with a smile,
“I was busy,” he bluntly stated without even looking at me.
“I’ve been looking forward to this feast all week, I hope to see you there” I said keeping the smile on my face, he didn’t respond and just went in to his office slamming the door in my face.

Well that was rude, I thought to myself and I just stood there for a few seconds before I decided to return to my office. Before I got the change to enter my office, I heard my name. I looked to the side and saw three 5th year Gryffindor students from my class coming my way.
“Hey there! How can I help you?” I said with a smile.
“We have a free period right now and we wondered if you could help us” The only girl from the three asked.
“We have a few questions about the homework,” One of the boys said and I nodded with a smile.
“Sure, come in” I said before opening my door.

“Take a seat on the couch,” I said pointing towards it before walking over to my desk, putting away the papers quickly and dragging my chair towards the couch. The three students hesitated for a second at the door before coming in and sitting down. I folded my hands as I leaned towards them.
“So what is it you wanted to know?”

After I was done answering the questions the trio had, I had been able to finish grading the last papers just in time for the big feast. On my way I enjoyed every little detail of the decorations that became even clearer now it was getting darker. Walking into the Great Hall my smile got just as big as this morning, seeing the bats fly in the sky and the pumpkins brightly lit by the candles. A little wave of worry came over me once again, when I noticed Severus wasn’t here yet. I sat down, trying my best not to show it. Just before the feast started, Severus had entered through a side entrance and I felt kind of relieved for a moment.

He sat down next to me, yet again silent and never looking at anyone. The food appeared in front of me, but I felt my appetite slowly going away. I ate anyway, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I hoped for. Since this was a special feast it went on longer than the usual dinner and I had been talking with some of the other teachers. My eyes drifting towards Severus every now and then. The feast was nearly ending and I finally mustered up the courage to talk to him. I just never got the change since he got up and left again not saying a word to anyone.

After the feast had ended and most of the students went with their belly’s filled to bed, I was walking through the halls accompanied by Minerva. We talked about the holiday, both in the wizarding and the muggle world. I really enjoyed it, even though a part of my mind was still trying to figure out what was up with a certain someone.
“You know this day has another special meaning in our world” Minerva said eventually and my full attention went to her.
“Today exactly nine years ago, we won the war,” She said with a proud smile and then it all hit me.

“Is something wrong?” I heard her say and it was then that I noticed that I had stopped walking. I looked up to her and just shook my head.
“No, I just didn’t realize it has been so long ago already. That’s all”
For the remainder of the rounds Minerva talked about how it was like during that last year of the war, including what is was like here at Hogwarts, only this time it was hard for me to process all she said. We said our goodnights at some point and I was completely in my own thoughts on my way to my dorm.

How could I forget what day it was, the day the wizarding world overcame the Dark Lord. For most it was a celebratory day, but some had lost people on that very day. Even though I wasn’t around when that happened, everyone in our community knew about it. ‘The boy who lived’ was told all around the world, including the horrible detail that he became an orphan that night. It all clicked now, I knew Severus had cared for Lily when he was still in school. They were best friends for most part of that, but he must have still cared for her after that. Since he spoke her name the night we were together, just before he graduated.

I passed Severus’s dorm and stopped for a second. I looked at the door before knocking, but there was no answer. I went into my own room and just stood there for a second debating my next move. I grabbed a few things and made my way to the dungeons, guessing he could be in his office. While standing in front of that door I felt my heart going faster, not really sure if I should do this. I let out a deep breath before knocking, a barely audible voice coming from the other side telling me to come in. I slowly opened the door and saw him sitting in a chair in front of the lit fireplace.

I took a few steps and softly closed the door behind me.
“I thought that maybe you could use a drink and some company right now” I spoke softly, kind of nervous about his reaction.
“Did you now?” he sneered, not taking his eyes of the flames in front of him. A small smile formed on my face, he didn’t tell me to mind my own business and get the hell out; so I took it as a yes. I walked over to him placing the bottle and two glasses I took from my room on the side table. I softly dragged his spare chair next to him, leaving the table in the middle.

I opened the bottle and poured the fire whiskey in the two glasses before sitting down. I took one of them from the table and looked at the liquor for a moment. The moment I sat there in silence waiting for him to move felt like it was going on forever. I felt the heat from the crackling fire, while I kept looking at him from the corner of my eye. A small relieve came over me when he took the other glass. I turned my eyes to the fire as well and took the first sip from my glass. I wanted to tell him that if he wanted to speak to me, that I was there for him, but for now I was content with the fact that he didn’t mind my company.

That night in Severus office, no word was spoken while we sat there drinking the liquor, our eyes captured by the dancing flames. The bottle was empty by the time I left, before I actually fell asleep in that chair. The day after was a pretty long and hard day, seeing the few hours of sleep and a slight headache that was controlling my mind. If you asked me, I would do it all over again, but maybe drink a little less. Severus had shown no signs of being affected by either the lack of sleep or the amount of liquor he consumed. His presence felt a little less dark and gloomy that day and that was enough for me to ensure I had done the right thing.

Sure I still had wanted him to talk to me about his problems, so he could get it of his chest, but at least this was a small step. One day he would realize I was truly there for him if he needed me and maybe then he could open up about his dark past. I had seen parts of his troubled life, but I never knew what was going on inside that brilliant mind of his. When that time comes, I will open up as well; revealing whom I really am. Something told me that all my secrets would be safe in his keep.

Another day passed with Severus slightly returning to the man I had known for the last two months. I still was careful around him, not wanted to ruin the fragile bond between us. Today was the day I would try to strengthen that bond, I would make him talk to me. Not about any heavy stuff or anything, just something I really needed help with. It was the first Quidditch match of the school year, Gryffindor against Slytherin. The whole school seemed ecstatic, students and teachers. Me on the other hand, I couldn’t care less.

I had attended one game in my first year as a student here and never saw one again. I didn’t really get what all the fuss was about honestly, nor did I understand the game itself. One of my classmates had tried to explain everything to me, but he only made it worse. Still it was the time for me try and find some enthusiasm for this game. This morning at breakfast I had noticed everyone at our table was talking about and I mean everyone; even Severus. I really felt like the odd one out at that moment, me being the only one not showing any excitement at all.

It did however show me one of Severus interest outside of his class, creating an opportunity for me to talk to him about something else then teaching. I had changed my teaching robe, for my warmer long black coat and added a scarf. It was a beautiful day, but I knew in those stands it wouldn’t be as warm as on the ground. I was putting on my gloves as I walked at the end of the large group of students and teachers that were on their way to the pitch. The closer I got, the more I hated this decision, asking myself why on earth I would put myself through this torture.

By the time we had all entered the pitch, the sounds of enthusiastic cheers filled my ears, remembering me once again why I always avoided this place during game day. I had made it to one of the higher stands and sat down next to my target.
“I thought you weren’t interested” A low drawl came from next to me. I quickly glanced towards the dark haired man before looking around the pitch again.
“Well I decided to give this game another chance after 17 years” I simply stated, trying not to show how uncomfortable I was in this setting.

The game had started and the crowd erupted, which made my irritation rise. Why were they so damn loud? As the game progressed that irritation only got bigger with my own confusion. I tried to follow the game, but so much was happening that I just didn’t know what to look at. Slowly it started to feel like my head was going to explode.
“You look as lost as you did your first week” Severus said in a slight amused tone.
“I just don’t get the point of this game honestly. Besides scoring more points than the opponents of course,” I admitted, without taking my eyes of the chaos on brooms in front of me.

I had acquired my goal, as Severus started to explain the game to me and honestly he did a better job than that kid in my first year. Slowly I started to understand the rules, but part of me still didn’t care. The only reason I stayed, was the fact that a certain person spoke more words to me than he ever had done in a whole day. It had started to become rougher by the minute, as Gryffindor was in the lead. A small feeling of excitement filled me as the pace in the game got faster.

Just when I wanted to ask something, a bludger barely evaded by a Gryffindor student was coming our way. I rapidly turned to my right as the flying object flew just inches over my head. I sat there for a second with my eyes tightly shut and holding on to something with my life. I carefully turned my head back, seeing the game just continued. I heard Severus scrape his throat and I slowly turned my head towards him. His cold eyes just looked towards his upper arm and I followed that gaze. My mouth dropped slightly as I saw what I was holding on to. Quickly I released my grip on his arm as I felt my cheeks burning up.
“Oh god, I’m sorry,” I muttered before turning forwards again, hiding my face behind my long hair.

I cursed myself for this stupid action and just hoped this wouldn’t ruin anything. I tried to focus back on the game, but it was very difficult. I tried to keep the conversation going as if nothing happened, hiding my embarrassment with all that I had. It took a while before the tension between us was gone and in that time Slytherin was back in the lead. The game had lasted for over 3 hours before the Slytherin seeker caught the snitch, defeating Gryffindor. Everyone in our stand had stood up to applaud and I did the same. I slightly moved towards Severus.
“Thank you for today” I said with a small smile before turning my attention back to the celebrating team.

I was walking at the end of the crowd again, but this time I wasn’t alone. Severus was right there beside me, which made me feel relieved. Knowing I didn’t scare him off with my little action in the stands. A few other staff members joined us, who were all talking about the game. I was content with the comfortable silence between the potion master and me and I was glad to be out of that damn loud pitch. Everyone went straight for the Great Hall, since it was already time for dinner.

I sat down, usual spot of course, letting my eyes glide through the hall. I immediately noticed the mood in the different houses. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw seemed pretty much neutral overall, while you saw the defeat in every single Gryffindor. Then there was Slytherin, pride beaming off of them, loudly celebrating their victory.
“Did you enjoy the game, Alyssa?” I heard next to me towards Filius.
“Let’s just say I’m starting to understand the game. I’m not sure if I like it just yet” I replied with a smile.

“If you have any questions, I’m happy to help” Rolanda said on the other side of Filius and I nodded.
“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks” I said not wanting to dismiss her, since that would kind of ruin my plan on getting Severus to talk more. Or perhaps it could help, that way I could say more to him during the next game without sounding like an idiot. Luckily I still had two more weeks before the next game, so I still had time to make up my mind.

The dinner went by pretty calmly, the hottest topic today’s match. I occasionally said something, but mostly kept to myself. Even though the game was less confusing for me, I didn’t see myself catching this ‘Quidditch Fever’ anytime soon. I stuck around after dinner, since I was going on rounds again; only this time on my own. I left the Great Hall with the other teachers that were going on rounds, when it was time for the students to be back in their common rooms. I was in the dungeons near the Slytherin common room when I noticed two red haired boys sneaking around.

After seeing their house colors, I instantly knew who they were. Since almost every teacher here told me about the mischief twins. One was fumbling with something while the other kept looking around, only missing the corner I was in. I scraped my throat as I walked closer, gaining the attention of the two boys.
“The Weasley twins, a bit out of your destination are we?” I said trying to keep a straight face as they started to franticly put stuff in their pockets.

“No wonder our password didn’t work” one said to the other, before looking innocently at me.
“Just be glad someone else didn’t catch you here. Now go on, back to your rooms, before I change my mind” I said crossing my arms, both saying thank you in unison. The boys turned on their heels and quickly walked towards the exit of the dungeons.
“Oh boys, be careful. Next time I might not be in such a forgiving mood” the two twelve year olds turned around and nodded before leaving.

I shook my head, letting out a smile, as I saw the two leaving. I heard all about how they loved to pull pranks. Something they were probably planning to do tonight. Their older brothers were nothing like them, according to the stories I heard. Neither one were in my class, one devoting most of his time with magical creatures, while the other kept his nose in the books, not believing in rule breaking plus he wasn’t old enough yet. Although I wondered if he would sign up, guessing on what Minerva mostly told about the four Weasley’s.

Even though the twins were infamous for their pranks, some of the teachers did mention that if they went for something they work hard for it. It made me curious if they could pass the test for my class. I finished the last part of my rounds, before going towards the teachers’ dorms. I was pretty much drained of all energy and I just couldn’t wait until I could let my body fall onto my bed. I had my hand on my doorknob, when someone spoke behind me.
“Goodnight Ms. Hallewel” When I looked over my shoulder, seeing Severus closing his door before I had a chance to say something back.

I stood there for a second before going in. This was the first time he wished me goodnight without me saying it first. With a small smile on my face I walked over towards my bed. After quickly changing in my sleepwear, I let myself fall with a pleased sigh leaving my mouth. Even though today didn’t go as smooth as planned, I was still very satisfied with the results. I also got curious how far this friendship had to go, before he would finally call me by my first name; hearing him say my last name felt so formal. I just have to wait and see…

In case people wanted to know how I imagine Alyssa in my head. Here she is: