Speak To Me

Yesterday was mostly a trip back to the past for me. I had first joined Filius in his class for second years and he was just like I remembered. Excellent in explaining the spells, but so light about it that it didn’t even feel like learning. He had repeated some of the spells the students had learned in their first year. I had taken some notes, but mostly I was enjoying the way he taught. At the end of the class he had called me forward, asking if I could demonstrate to the students what you could achieve if you kept working on spells. I tried to refuse, but after the whole class started to look at me and even started chanting for me to get off my stool, I got up anyway.

I had stood right in front of him, asking if he wanted a demonstration with or without a wand. After the whole class had laughed for a moment, he said he wanted to be surprised. Without losing my eye contact with my colleague I made every feather in the classroom levitate. Earning a grant applause from the students and Filius, feeling my cheeks burn once again from all the positive attention. After the class ended I had stayed behind helping him prepare for his next class before leaving to attend Minerva’s class for first years.

The way she took control of the excited 11-year-old students was amazing to see. She explained the basic of Transfiguration so effortlessly, but her tone told that she wouldn’t tolerate any disobedience. Thankfully Minerva let me be an observer for her class and I had stayed behind with her after her class ended as well. She had asked me on how I had experienced the Start-of-term feast as a teacher for the first time. I carefully admitted that I had been pretty nervous before it started and was a little overwhelmed by everything at the end. She reassured me by telling me it was a pretty normal reaction for most first time teachers.

I had waited in my office before Severus class would start, since it was the last class before dinner. I was in his classroom before anyone else, wanting to prove my point I made last night before the feast. As soon as the fifth year students had arrived, they immediately started to whisper to each other trying to guess why I was there. I stayed silent in the corner holding my notebook, while each of them sat down. Severus then suddenly burst into his classroom, saying that if anyone even looked in my direction during the class they would get detention.

The way he stood in front of his class was slightly intimidating for me and I could only guess that feeling was even bigger for the students. He was strict just like Minerva, but in a more cruel way. I even felt bad for some of the students, who got the most criticism. Some of his sharp remarks though... The way he used his words... made me feel bad. Since I sometimes had a really hard time containing my laughter. I knew it was not the correct way to talk to a student, but his posture and the way the words rolled out of his mouth was pure entertainment.

Still, I was glad I wasn’t one of those students and I realized he had been pretty easy on me when he had helped me. I noticed one thing though, despite his attitude and his razor sharp comments that pretty much sounded like insults, he had the undivided attention of every single student in front of me. He never raised his voice and he always corrected the mistakes he encountered for everyone to hear. Plus the fact that none of them had even tried to look my way or had asked me why I was here. It was truly fascinating to see the man talk about the subject he had been brilliant at in his student years.

Today was my first lesson for Martial Magic and I had divided them in two groups. A total of 76 students had signed up for this class, 30 of which were in their fifth year. Since those were the students that would fully follow this course for the next three years, if they passed the test of course, I wanted to separate them from the other students for the first lesson. I was leaning against my desk while patiently waiting for their arrival. After a pretty good pep talk from Minerva this morning I felt a lot less nervous as I did when I woke up.

Last night I had taken the last sip of the Sleeping Draught as the thoughts of everything I had seen that day in combination with my nerves for today where keeping me wide awake. I just hoped that after today I wouldn’t need it anymore. I looked at the clock on the side of me and I knew they should arrive any minute now. I watched the door and a small smile appeared on my face when the door opened slowly. I saw the first slightly nervous heads through the opening and I signed them to come in.

“Please come in everybody, I don’t bite” Hard…that last word never saying out loud and I had to contain a snicker that was about to surface.
“Take a seat,” I said pointing towards the desks on the sides of the room, I smiled towards every student that entered; recognizing some of them from the potions class and waited patiently for them all to take a seat.
“Welcome everybody to the very first Martial Magic class at Hogwarts” I said folding my hands in front of me keeping them low.
“I’m really pleased with the amount of interest in this Elective. This class will be a combination of subjects you’re already familiar with. Charms, Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I will teach you how to deal with Official Duels and Unofficial Duels and everything that comes with it. For our next lesson you will be joined by the 6th and 7th year students that also showed their interests, but since they will take this class as an extra-curricular you will separate after a month.”

I paused for a moment, looking at every student who all had eagerly been listening to my every word.
“Make no mistake. This class will be tough and can even be dangerous if not treated with the right mindset” I pushed myself away from the desk and took a few steps forward.
“Therefore I may have to disappoint some of you, who won’t be attending my next class” My friendly smile had been replaced with a serious look, while I heard sounds of confusion throughout the room.
“I have prepared a test, this will tell me if you possess the knowledge and the right mindset to handle this subject. There is no place for students that don’t treat this class with the outmost respect and seriousness”

I had stopped in the middle of the classroom, while still looking around. I snapped my fingers and separation boards surrounded every desk. With another snap the tests appeared in front of them.
“You will have until the end of this class to finish the test. One portion of the test is about the knowledge about certain subjects while the other will only reflect on who you are as a witch or wizard. You may begin, good luck to you all” I said before returning to my desk, sitting down this time.

I saw all kinds of emotions when the students left the classroom, some were confident, some looked as confused as before the test and some even looked slightly defeated. I had told them results would be announced before the next class. The students will get a notice if they made it or not on Friday morning. I had taken notes while they took the test, like if they were lost right from the start to end or if it looked like it took them no effort at all. Those signs may help to bring certainty for those I would have doubts about based on their test results.

I started combining the right notes with the right test, to make it a little easier on myself for the grading process. After finishing I placed them all in one of the drawers, closing my eyes for a few seconds, mentally preparing myself for the next students. I rose from my seat and went back to stand in the same place as I did for the fifth years. I took a moment with my eyes closed again and opened them revealing the same friendly face as before. The door opened again and I saw a few students with a slightly less nervous look.
“Please, come in everybody. I don’t bite”

A stack of 76 tests lay in front of me, accompanied by the notes I had made during those tests. I had pretty much repeated my speech with the 6th and 7th years, only making it clear that they wouldn’t get the full course due to the lack of time. Also telling them I still wanted to give them a taste of what this class would entail. I looked at the pretty big pile and cursed myself. What the hell did I get myself into... I rubbed my neck and sighed. It wasn’t a matter of if my mind allowed me to sleep, but a matter of the time I got. Right now I was thankful the music class wasn’t until Friday, so for the next two days I could fully focus on getting everything sorted.

I eventually rose from my seat grabbing the stack before leaving the classroom. Leaving the locked room behind to enter my office. It was almost time for dinner, so for now I left the tests in a drawer of my desk; locking it with a spell. I sighed again, once again cursing myself for letting them do this stupid test. Deep down I knew it was for all the good reasons, but then again I had never expected for so many students to show interest. I would have been content with 40 or so students in total.

I had lingered way longer in my office then I had planned and made it to the Great Hall just in time to eat something. Instead of returning to my office straight after, I had made rounds with Minerva for the remainder of the evening. Part of the job of being a teacher I guess, during those rounds she told me everything I needed to pay attention to when it came to after hour rounds. I had kept my worries about grading those tests to myself, not wanting to seem unfit right from the start.

After a night with little to no rest, my mind wasn’t willing to grant me the rest I so much needed, I had quickly grabbed breakfast before withdrawing in my office. I had shown my face for lunch and dinner, but the rest of the time I had stayed in that small room. At some time that night I had moved from my desk towards the couch I had placed in there for times like this. I just never thought I would use it this soon. I had gone through all the tests from the 5th year students and all 30 laid on my coffee table while I looked at them with my hands folded. I just discovered a main flaw in this test. I had been so caught up with devising just the right questions and making the first lessons plans, that I had totally forgotten one big thing. I never thought of a grading scale.

My stare on the papers intensified as I once again cursed myself. How could I have forgotten such an essential part of this test? Sure, the knowledge questions were a simple right or wrong answer, but how much mistakes was one allowed to have. Then there was the personality part of the test, which was a whole other thing. When I created this I had a pretty clear idea on why I wanted those questions, but after reading them there were a lot of answers that made my head turn. There were a few cases that made it only worse. Having all the knowledge where the other answers were pretty clear that the student wanted to learn more for all the wrong reasons. Or having a slightly disappointing amount of correct answers knowledge based, but had the perfect mindset.

There was a knock on the door and I absentmindedly told whomever it was to come in. Once the door was opened; I heard a familiar drawl.
“Someone decided to get an early start” I looked at the man for a second before looking at the clock in my office. For a second debating if that was the correct time, slowly realizing I had been in here the whole night. I looked at the raven-haired man and his face told me I made my realization pretty clear.
“Well some things require more time than initially intended” I simply replied before turning my attention towards the tests.

“Is there something I can help you with Severus? Because I’m kind of busy at the moment, seeing I only have one day left” I said not looking back up.
“You realized your mistake didn’t you,” He simply stated and my head immediately shot up.
“You knew I forgot something, didn’t you?” I asked, trying my best to hold in the irritation that was building up inside me. A sly grin appeared on his face for a second, confirming my question. Of course he noticed, he probably developed a few of these for his own class in his time as a teacher.

“Then you know I don’t have time for this. So unless you changed your mind on your previous statement, I would appreciate it if you let me get back to my work” I said as politely as possible, even throwing in a smile at the end before I once again looked down. I heard the door close and I felt a little relieved to be left alone with my own thoughts. That was until I heard his voice again, this time closer.
“Move” he almost growled, I looked to my side and moved on my couch almost instantly not expecting him to stay or even stand so close to me.

He smoothly sat down next to me and looked at the table, while my eyes were glued to him. This man was truly a mystery and I just couldn’t wait to unravel it.
“They need to have at least 75% of the answers correct, seeing as you need them to know the basics.” He said looking at the papers immediately pulling out the ones who scored way below that and throwing them aside.
“Then it’s up to you to decide if the ones that get close to that percentage have earned the last required points with the other answers. And of course if the ones that did score high possess the mindset you want” He had gathered all the remaining ones and placed them right in front of me.

He turned towards me and looked me straight in my eyes, as I still wasn’t able to look away from him.
“Where are the others?” His deep voice made me stand up and walk towards my desk, handing the tests from the 6th and 7th years towards him before sitting next to him again. He took the top set from the pile and placed the others on the table right in front of him. He pointed towards the pile in front of me, before making his quill and inkbottle appear out of thin air. I turned towards the pile and also took the top one ready to judge on the criteria Severus had told me. I had been whacking my brain all night to get a system going and he managed to come up with one effortlessly.

“Severus... I don’t want to waste...” I hesitantly spoke before he interrupted me.
“Focus on your part” and I just nodded. I leaned back in my couch while I started ‘my part’. We worked in a surprisingly comfortable silence, our quills being the only source of sound. In the corner of my eye I even noticed he had leaned back in a more comfortable position as well. I had reviewed a few before the one that send warning bells in my gut; was in my hands again. I unconsciously leaned towards Severus to show him the answers.
“Take a look at this and tell me I’m not paranoid, even though he has all the correct answers. These aren’t normal for a 15 year old that wants to learn how to defend himself right?” He looked up from his own papers and took it out of my hand.

While he was looking it over I realized how close I was to him, I was able to clearly hear him breathing and his scent was filling my nose slowly. Before I could linger on it too much he went back to the first page to read the name. He looked at it for a few seconds before tossing it aside.
“You’re not. This one will cause problems without you realizing at first” he said returning back to the grading part. I simply nodded and slowly shifted back into my corner of the couch and continuing the rest of my pile.

The comfortable silence returned with both of us going through the tests. After some time I heard him shift in his place and I looked towards him. He had finished grading those remaining 46 test in an impressive pace and he was getting ready to leave. He stood up and in just a few steps he was at the door. I sat up straight as soon as his hand touched the doorknob, me speaking his name making him stop.
“Thank you so much for this. I don’t know how I could ever repay you,” I said with genuine smile on my face. He looked over his shoulder towards me.
“You’ll find out soon enough” And with those words he left me on my own again.

I stared at the door for a long moment, processing everything that had just happened. He had been perfectly clear last week that he wasn’t going to help me with this. I still didn’t know what had made him change his mind and save my ass... again. I was starting to wonder who the more complicated man at this school was, Severus or Albus. While contemplating those thoughts for a second, I got no wiser. So I decided to focus back on what I was doing.

I had finished all the results for the 5th year students and I made a list of accepted and rejected before storing the papers back in the drawer. I had managed to do a few from the 6th years, before taking a break for lunch, since the noises that my stomach produced became very distracting. While I was in the Great Hall, it took quite some effort trying to tune out all the sounds around me. I slowly started to feel the consequences of working through the night. All the noises around me were giving me a headache and I missed the quietness I had after the sleepless nights in my first week.

I had returned as soon as possible to the serenity of my office. Since Severus had done a majority of the work already, I was able to finish it just in time for me to take a short nap before dinner. I was thankful that I was smart enough to make an acceptance and rejection letter Sunday morning; I just had to address them to the right student now. A task I could also do after dinner. I laid down on my couch, looking at my ceiling for a moment before closing my eyes. Even though I never reached that deep sleep bliss, I still felt my body relax and I felt a lot better when it was time to join the others in the Great Hall again.

I was a lot more sociable this time, talking to multiple teachers, but I missed one. I turned towards Minerva, almost at the end of dinner, wondering why he didn’t even came in to grab something.
“Have you seen Severus?” I asked while still looking towards the doors.
“I heard he had some work to catch up on and he would eat something later. Is something wrong?” I looked towards the Transfiguration professor and shook my head.
“No, just curious that’s all” I said smiling, getting filled with guilt on the inside. I had stayed in the Great Hall during the remainder of the dinnertime, but felt worse by the minute. If I had done a better job, he wouldn’t have needed to help me and he could have eaten at the normal time.

Though I never asked for help, I never rejected it either and I kept thinking about that while I made my way back to my office. I stopped in front of his classroom door, my hand in the air ready to knock; but I didn’t. Instead I slowly made my way to my office, for some reason I just couldn’t go in. Once back in my office I just started writing the right names on the letters and made them ready to be send of in the morning. My mind occasionally went back to Severus missing dinner due to his work, which made this task took longer than I had expected.

It was around ten, when I finally left my office. I assumed Severus had finished his work and just made my way towards the dorms. A little voice was nagging in my head, asking if I was really sure Severus had his dinner and went back to his dorm. So I made a last minute detour that led me towards the kitchen first. After talking to one of the house elves I discovered Severus had never shown his face. I had offered to take the food they had kept aside for him and bring it to him personally. Since I still felt kind of responsible for him still working.

I had arrived again at his classroom door, this time holding a tray of food. I raised my hand again, but this time made contact with the door. A low drawl come from the other side, telling me to come in. I slowly opened the door and looked it; seeing the man behind his desk. I entered the room and closed the door behind me.
“I thought you could use some food,” I said politely taking a few steps towards him. He simply gestured to his desk, never looking up from his paperwork. Slowly I put down his tray as soon as I reached his desk.

“Is there something else?” He asked after I had stood there in silence for a moment, still keeping his eyes on his work.
“Is there something I can help you with?” I asked softly biting my lip, feeling slightly uncomfortable right now.
“No” he harshly spoke and I just nodded. I looked around his classroom when I walked back towards the door and noticed it was still quite a mess. Potions ingredients scattered around, some filthy spots on the students’ desks etcetera. I had my hand on the doorknob, but I just couldn’t leave knowing he still needed to clean after his paperwork.

I turned on my heel, taking off my robe before hanging it on a hook near the door. I started to gather the ingredients, when I noticed Severus look up from his paperwork for the first time since I came in. I stopped in my tracks for a moment as it looked like wanted to say something, but he just returned to his work. With my arms filled with ingredients I made it towards the shelves closer to him.
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” I turned towards him, smirking at his tone.
“Nope” I simple stated.
“This doesn’t count” And I knew that he had referred to the favor I owed him.

“Can’t you just accept that I just wanted to help out a colleague, one that helped me a lot. See it as thank you for the last two weeks” I said before turning back towards the shelves. It didn’t took me long to discover his system as I noticed it was all in alphabetical order. A smile crept on my face as I noticed he started eating as well. A small part of me wanted him to talk more, but I guess I should be satisfied by the fact he didn’t yell at me to leave him alone and throw me out.

I had finished ordering his office in the same amount of time he finished his dinner and paperwork. I guessed while I was working he wasn’t just grading papers; since he showed me this morning how fast he was with that. He stood up from his seat and reached for the tray, but I beat him to it; picking it up before he could.
“I’ll take this” I said with a smile and made my way towards the door. After grabbing my robe and looked over my shoulder.
“Goodnight Severus” Leaving him behind in his classroom while I made my way back towards the kitchen to drop off the dirty dishes.

It was almost midnight when I made my way back to my dorm. My body was yearning for my bed after this day and it was way later than I had planned to go to bed. Still I didn’t regret my actions for a second. The halls of the castle were nearly dark and memories of a younger me sneaking around these hours came back. How on earth did I never get caught? I thought with a smile on my face. I cherished the silence and the serenity for the rest of my walk. I was also getting excited about the next day.

I would assist professor Humphry in music for the first time and of course my first real lesson with the students that had earned it. A little part of me felt a little bad for those who didn’t make it, but a bigger part of me knew it was for the best. A total of 43 students have made it; 20 5th years, 13 6th years and 10 from the 7th year. I felt pleased with the amount that still made it; since this was about the amount I would have expected to sign up before I made the cuts. I was also very curious on how everything would go this year, if the course will be successful enough to continue.

I may have been hesitant on my success as a teacher and I would never have come up with the idea of setting up a whole new class for my first year in the first place. Still seeing as it all had worked out so far, I got determined to succeed at this now. I certainly didn’t want to disappoint the students that started this as an Elective, to not continue it all the way to graduation. I just hoped that Albus had been right all the way, although I would never admit it out loud.