Star Wars, Leia angst
Leia knows that she will Fall if she lets herself.
As much as she adores her brother, she is not Luke. She does not forgive easily and she does not love easily. Love, to her, is a broken, jagged thing, as easily used to hurt the loved as it can the lover; her heart is a weed that refuses to be killed no matter who rips it out.
Her parents, soft and kind and clever, tried to lead by example. They loved her in the subtle, devoted, enduring way they loved each other, the way they loved their duty and their people. Leia wanted so badly to be like them. She wanted to inspire, to make a difference, to help people.
But Leia loves like a wildfire, not a steady stream. Her passion means that she easily inspires people to fight and die in her name, for her cause, but she cannot hold them together when there is no enemy to defeat. She was meant to lead armies, not Alderaan.
Leia is meant for war. She shines brightest when she is broken.
When Luke asked her to join him, to become a Jedi, she knew she could not. Her rage and grief had already changed the galaxy, had spurred and inspired millions to do as she wished. She is afraid of what she would do if she had power like Luke’s at her fingertips.
And a part of her will always see her connection to the Force as Vader’s. Luke could transform it, could make it his own, but she felt nothing but visceral disgust at the thought of using it. She wishes more than anything that she could have shared the blood on his hands rather than the blood in his veins.
The blood that poisoned her son.
Vader’s brutality she could take, because she could never and would never love or forgive him. But then, even after he had the decency to die, he destroyed her new family. Han left her. Luke abandoned her. Her son betrayed her. Her people, once they knew the truth of her heritage, no longer wanted her. All she is good for is to fight.
Her love and her rage are all that keep her going, even as they kill her. Her love has destroyed her.
If she dared to harness the Force, her love would destroy the galaxy along with her.