You hated change. Just like a lot of people did. But this time was different.
The biggest pop star, THE Taylor Swift, was your best friend. You couldn't have asked for a better person than she is but something changed after her biggest tour. As if she slowly started to forget you, your whole friendship that you've had spent years building up.
She was a busy woman, you knew that. But even when you were filled with work you made time to see her and hang out with your favorite person. Though, you were the happiest for her. Her relationship and her achievements. It was like a breath of fresh air to see Taylor so happy in a long time. But you still missed the time when it was just you and her. Sharing wine and having deep conversations. And since those nights it's been a good while.
The lights on the street were extremely blurry, cars being louder than ever. All you wanted was a drink at a local bar and not get stupid drunk. But it looks like you didn't know where the limits were at the moment.
Your legs were heavier than ever but they seemed to move on their own without your help. As if your whole being knew that you needed help. In reality, this wasn't the first night when you didn't know your limits. But you never wanted to admit that to yourself. You deserved this break from everything. You've been overworking to distract yourself from everything and looks like it worked.
"Fuck," you murmured under your hot breath as you bumped into a lamp. Your head was pounding and the world was already spinning too fast for your liking.
You leaned against the cold lamp and looked up at the night sky. The stars were shining brighter than ever. A wave of calmness washed over you. You took a deep breath, slowly inhaled and exhaled. It felt like it cleared up your mind for a few minutes to come.
You pulled out your phone to check the time. What you didn't expect was a message from Taylor.
Taylor:
>I tried to come by but you weren't home. Are you okay?
sent: 10:36PM
The sigh that came out of your nose shouldn't have been that heavy and long. You didn't want to answer, so you put your phone back into the depths of your pocket and decided that once you were home, you'll text back. You inhaled another time and started to make your way to the warmth of your home. Or maybe once it was warm. But now it just feels like endless coldness one time entered it and never dared to leave.
You fumbled with the keys to your apartment for a minute until you actually got to go in. The mess was still there that you left when you went out. You didn't have the energy to clean up in the past few days. Only work was in front of your eyes. But it's better to bury yourself in it then actually do something else. After all, that mattered the most, no? To get money and move out of this shithole and this city. Go far away and start a new life.
You somehow made it into the kitchen and poured a glass of water to actually try to clear up your mind. The cold water easily went down your throat. Nothing's better than a late night cup of water.
You searched for your phone again. Maybe you should really call her, so you do.
"Oh, my god, [Name], it's 2AM, are you good?" she asked and you can clearly hear the worry in her voice even if she doesn't have to be worried about anything. Or so you tell yourself that.
"Yeah, yeah, I was out, that's all," you said with a softened voice.
"Till this late? Do you want me to come over or something-?"
"No, no, it's fine. I promise," Taylor fell silent for a few moments.
"[Name]," she started, "I want to help you," she ended.
You sighed, gosh, you should really count how many times you do. But you didn't really know what to say. You didn't want to turn her down but it felt weird after this long. You never asked for her with words. Taylor just sensed when you were down and did something to cheer you up. No matter how small or big it was. Just her brought you to a better mood. But this time was different. You were dealing with other things. You never ever told her you wanna leave her here and move away. Possibly to another state- just far away.
After a few minutes you agreed and she offered to come over once again and didn't even dare to bring her down again.
As she was sitting on your couch, you could tell that she was tired, her posture said everything. But different from just not sleeping. She was sad and even looked a little lonely. Her hands were in her lap, interlinked. You sat beside her and stared everywhere, just her eyes. You didn't dare to make eye contact with her. Right now, she was seeing you in your first state of mind. Your whole apartment was a mess and yourself as well.
"What happened?" she softly not to startle you asked.
By the question, you could swear, you felt tears building up somewhere deep in your eyes. But there was nothing else you could do other than answer her.
"I wanna move out."
Taylor didn't really say anything to that, just nodded and waited for you to continue.
"Move far, far away from here. I just- I can't stay here, Taylor," you finally made eye contact with her and she saw the sadness in your eyes.
"Why?" was all she maniged to get out of herself. It felt like her mouth didn't work like it usually does.
"Taylor, I- I don't know what I've been feeling for the past few months," you tried to fight back the tears but it was no use. They came running out. "I really do missed you. It felt like you don't care about me anymore. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you but I miss my best friend."
She nodded and listened to every word that came out of your mouth, "but that's not all, am I correct?"
Oh, and how correct she was.
"I think. . . I think I'm in love with you," you said, softer than before. You rapidly searched for something in her eyes.
Taylor's eyes winded, to say the least she was shocked. She wouldn't have thought. Even if you tried to send her signs, by those longing glances, longer holding her hands and staying always close to her.
Your heart bounded faster and louder with each second passing by.
"Say something," you begged between your choked sobs.
"I- I have to go home," was all she said and hurriedly stood up from the couch.
This is what you feared since you laid your eyes on her. For a really long time you denied your feelings towards her but you couldn't keep it in forever. It would've eaten you up alive.
You got to your legs before your mind even had time to process it. You ran after her to beg her to stay but she had already stepped out of the apartment and slammed the door behind her. This is when the tears truly started to come out of your eyes and you didn't even bother to hide them anymore. You cried. Loud and raw. Everything. It felt surreal. She just left. Without saying anything. You didn't have the heart to blame her, you blamed yourself. Your mind was running with thoughts of how she probably started to hate you after this or she was just weirded out by your likeness towards her.
Maybe it was for the better. You sank down and collapsed on the floor. You wished the floor would open and eat up like how you were right now and you wouldn't have to deal with this.