Crisp Apples

Sirius got back to the Gryffindor common room right as curfew ended. He might have stayed out longer, but he didn’t have the map or the cloak, so why risk it? He could probably stay in the common room all night, if he had to.

He had spent the last few hours as a dog in the Room of Requirement and then (after a somewhat guilty shower) in the kitchens, because he had missed supper. He loved watching the house elves work. Not only were they kind to him (unlike Kreacher), their wandless and non-verbal magic was interesting, and he was always trying to find ways to connect their magic to his own spellworking. Their intuitive magic combined with his in unusual and interesting ways, and he always liked surprising the professors with what he found (not that he would ever admit to craving their praise).

In some ways, it was similar to how he combined magic and muggle technology, although he couldn’t do that in Hogwarts itself. He loved muggle studies, and was always interested in muggle science and engineering, especially. It was his idea to enchant two mirrors to act like a phone system between him and James. He would have used telephones themselves and modified them to send images as well, but for the fact that they wouldn’t have worked inside the castle walls. His current project, of course, was his flying motorbike. After the last summer of work, it was almost perfect.

It was with these thoughts that Sirius returned to the common room. It was all a distraction, of course, but he certainly couldn’t be thinking about his previous conversation with Lily – there was too much hope, and want, there, and he didn’t want Remus to know how mixed up he felt inside. And he certainly didn’t want to feel desire – if Remus didn’t know what that he was smelling, he wanted to keep it that way, and it wasn’t fair of him to trick Remus into doing something rash, even if he had just daydreamed about Remus licking his neck.

But no, he was solidly concentrating on new features of his motorbike, to be added as soon as the school year was over, when he walked through the portrait hole. If he was thinking of Remus at all, it was that he needed to feel as normal as possible, and perhaps think up a good excuse for ignoring him all evening. That didn’t stop the twinge of excitement/nerves he felt when his eyes landed immediately on Remus, who had stood up to greet him.

“Hi Padfoot! I was just about to try to find you, I’m calling a Marauders meeting,” Remus said quietly, looking nervous. Sirius was both relieved and disappointed that Remus didn’t want to talk to him alone. Stop that, breathe, don’t think about it. This is normal. Now that he was trying to rationalize it, it was probably about Lily and that he had told her he was a natural Legilimens. Maybe. That didn’t explain why he looked so nervous.

“Sure thing, Moony, let’s go.” Sirius followed Remus up the stairs, carefully not looking at him. He was happy to be in Remus’ company, and what if Remus needed him? Of course, he was happy to be there, but damn he needed to be careful with that arse of his so easily in view.

“There you are, Pads! I was just wondering when you’d come back from the kitchens, what caught your interest now?” James was looking up from a book in his lap, sitting comfortably on his bed with the map open next to him.

Sirius laughed. At least this he was comfortable talking about, even if his friends thought it a tad odd. “I was watching them cast magic together. It was fantastic how good they were at it. Did you see Minnie and Flitwick cast decorating spells together last Halloween? They had to concentrate to be in unison, but there were at least five elves cooking at the same station and they never had any problems. Fantastic. Maybe they have some sort of Legilimency as well, hmm?” Sirius cast a teasing glance at Remus, remembering a split second too slow that Lily hadn’t told him about that, just James. Fuck. That’s what happens when you’re comfortable.

Remus had turned sheet pale. “Did… Lily…?”

“No, she just told me,” James jumped in. “I told Sirius later so that if she mentioned it, he could cover for you.”

“Wait, what was this?” Peter jumped in from where he was sitting on the floor in front of James’ bed.

Remus was turning red now. “I told Lily I have Legilimency, because… I didn’t want to invade her privacy. That’s actually one of the reasons I called this meeting…”

Sirius could tell that this wasn’t something Remus wanted to talk about, so he went to sit on his own bed cross-legged and pulled Remus down to sit next to him. It seemed casual touching helped Remus calm down almost as much as it helped him. If he could keep his mind out of the gutter, that is.

Remus gave him a half smile of thanks with bright golden eyes that made him catch his breath for a half second. Remus took a steadying breath before addressing the room at large. “First, I wanted to tell you all about the Legilimency thing. I think she may suspect the truth, but I’m not sure, so I wanted to make sure you all knew that she knew… and that she thinks you all know, and etcetera.”

“Yeah, I already fucked up on that one,” James was messing up his hair again, nervously. “I told her you had had it since you were a child, when you had told her you had it since you were a baby. I think she already knows, mate. What story do you want to stick to?”

Remus sighed. “Let’s just stick with that I have been since I was a child. If she finds out, I wouldn’t mind too much, it’s like she’s half a Marauder anyway.”

“Half Marauder? How about marauder-in-law?” Peter laughed, looking up at James. They had all been happy when Lily had finally accepted a date, but secretly, Sirius was happily surprised at Pete’s positive reaction. Sirius had been a lot more jealous. Not only was his brother/best friend abandoning him for a whole Hogsmeade weekend, he got to spend it with a date. Sirius would have liked a date. Well, not just any date. A Remus-date. Oh well.

“I’ll have to wait at least until the third date to ask her to marry me,” James grinned. “So you all have to help me find ways to sweep her off her feet.”

“After this meeting, Prongs, Merlin, you’re thirsty. Didn’t you have more to say, Moony?” Sirius asked, giving Remus a quick sideways glance. He was smiling but looking down at his hands.

“… well, yes. I also wanted to say… about that. About me being able to smell emotions, I mean.” Sirius’ heart sped up. He wouldn’t possibly mention last week in front of James and Peter, would he? He took a deep breath and pushed it out of his mind. This was about Remus. Mom-overdrive, activate. Stop.

Remus gave him a sideways look. “That’s what I wanted to talk about. I’m not eleven anymore, I won’t throw up at every negative emotion. Padfoot, Prongs, I know you use the Room of Requirement sometimes so that I don’t overstep… and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, ever. I just wanted to say that I’m not going to freak out, or anything, if you want to be upset or…” Remus was blushing. “Or take care of yourselves in your own room. I’ll ignore everything, I just wanted to say I don’t have to be treated like a china doll. I’m fine.”

Sirius was carefully looking at James’ and Peter’s reactions. James seemed close to laughter, and Peter looked slightly confused. “I use the Room of Requirement too, you know…”

Now all of them looked confused. “You do?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask. He knew James mainly just used it to wank, and he himself used it for that as well as for a variety of things he didn’t want Remus to be overwhelmed with, but Peter hadn’t seemed interested in wanking when he had told him about it years ago, and he hadn’t noticed him sneaking off any other time either.

“Yeah, I mean, last year, when I got the news that my grandfather had died, it was just super cozy. I could make my own pillow forts in front of the fireplace there. I mean, I guess I haven’t used it very often, if that’s what you’re asking?”

“I think he was asking if you wank in the Room of Requirement,” James said with a grin, completely unashamed.

“I was not!” Sirius threw his pillow at him, while it was Peter’s turn to become pale.

“Do you guys really… I mean, do you actually…” Peter was quite out of his element, it seemed.

“Wank in the Room of Requirement? All the time,” said James, poking fun. “And now I might right here, on this very bed, and you’ll never know.”

“Remus will know!”

“Remus won’t care, will you Moons?”

“I won’t care. That’s literally what I just said,” sighed Remus, his face barely peeking out of his hands.

“What about you, Wormy? Any reason you don’t?” James deflected from Remus. Sirius was thankful, he didn’t want to be more involved in this conversation than absolutely necessary, but he didn’t want Remus to be more uncomfortable than necessary either.

“I’ve just never been interested…” Peter looked quite uncomfortable too.

“In wanking, or in sex in general?” asked James. “I’ve heard the Muggles have a word for that: asexual.”

Sirius almost laughed. Of course James Potter would bring this up. It had been a couple of summers ago that they had found a queer muggle magazine with all sorts of identities and words listed, and James had spent a lot of time looking at the ace spectrum page. When Sirius had asked why, because he didn’t think James was ace when he had spent the previous day talking for at least an hour straight about Lily in great detail, which Sirius didn’t care for a bit since he was gay and couldn’t really see the appeal, he had sniffed and said “research for a friend”.

Peter looked thoughtful. “I don’t know, maybe. Is it really that unusual, though? Moony, what about you, do you use the Room of Requirement? For that?”

Sirius wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the answer to that question, not with Remus sitting less than a foot away from him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it in detail, but a confirmation would be a whole other issue. And being cross legged wasn’t the most discrete, even with robes on.

“It’s not unusual, Peter, and being ace is definitely not a bad thing, if that’s what you decide you are.” Remus had curled up into a ball, knees to his chest, somewhat copying Peter’s position leaning against James’ bed. Sirius copied them. Much better. James was about to speak, but Remus held up his hand; “before you ask, Potter, if you really must know, I use my own bed and a silencing charm, thanks.” Peter squeaked.

Sirius was glad he had changed positions. Remus had wanked right there, and furthermore, had used a silencing charm. On one hand, that was probably a subtle reminder to him and James to keep it quiet. Not that Remus would ever not notice, but that they could at least keep from being too obvious to everyone else. But on the other hand, the thought of Remus making noise, any noise, while getting off was just too hot. What if he moaned? What would that sound like? Even the thought of him sighing after he stretched, like that day in Transfiguration, was a lot.

Sirius needed to get his mind back under control, but he was starting not to care. Remus had just said that he didn’t need to be babied, and he didn’t want to be insulting. He said he would ignore everything, did that include Sirius’ uncomfortable feelings toward him? And why did he have to hide so much anyway? Lily had said that Remus liked him… even if she did just say he wanted to lick him when he was horny. Like right now. Merlin, that thought did not help whatsoever. Sirius looked at Remus again, who was determinedly looking at James and Peter.

She had also said that he didn’t know what this was, and that he hadn’t said that he liked him explicitly. Well, Sirius wasn’t going to start anything, that was for sure. If Remus didn’t like him as more than a friend, then he wouldn’t do anything rash like jump him. Remus didn’t seem like the type of person to go into a relationship purely to make out with someone. As nice as it would be for him to lick my neck. Maybe he should just trust him to make a move if he wanted to. If he just let himself feel whatever he wanted, then it would be in his hands. And if he didn’t want to do anything, then he could safely ignore him, and Sirius would get over it. Eventually. He had to trust him that much. He had asked for it, by calling this meeting.

It was still terrifying as hell.

Sirius had missed what James had been saying, but it seemed to be still on the topic of wanking. “… and now, after six years of sneaking off to wank, instead of doing it in the peace of my own bed, you finally tell us it’s okay to just stay in here?”

“Hey, I never kicked you out in the first place! That was all your own doing, mate!” Remus was laughing at James’ overreaction, still not looking Sirius in the eye.

“Well, not to be weird about it or anything, but now’s the time when I’ve got to go to sleep. Is that all you wanted to say for the Marauders meeting, Remus? We should have another one tomorrow after quidditch practice, I have a new idea for a prank…”

“Yes, that’s fine… just, thanks, you all.” Sirius was so happy to hear Remus feeling better, that he was looking at him as he got up and stretched, apparently about to head for his own bed. If I could watch him, wouldn’t it be nice? Sirius kept looking at Remus, not wanting him to go. If he was going to stop trying to hide his emotions, he could start right now. I love you.

Remus’ head snapped around, looking at Sirius straight in the eyes. This was an unusual viewpoint, with Remus standing and Sirius sitting on his bed; usually Sirius was the taller of the two. Remus’ golden eyes were wide with surprise, but then he quickly turned away, pausing to squeeze Sirius’ knee; “goodnight, Pads.”

Well, what was he expecting, Remus to get right back into bed with him? This was going to be fine, whatever Remus chose, he would have to be okay with it. At least he hadn’t looked disgusted. Why would he know what to do, if this was the first time he knew about it anyway? And he looked so beautiful, his hair looked so soft, and his eyes were so bright. And his hand was so warm.

Sirius got ready for bed quickly, wanting to pull his curtains shut as soon as possible.