a pianist and…another pianist?
The next morning, everyone at school is telling each other how much candy they got. Even though the headmaster said no candy, several people around me are all trading candy. I've managed to count that people would do anything for Meiji candies, but would rather walk through hot lava than eat licorice.
I ignore this and go through my classes like any other day. I occasionally will find a neglected candy on the ground, and I always pick it up and pocket it to add to my at-home collection. Maybe If I give my candy away, people will want to be my friend.
At lunch, Tsukasa-san is nowhere to be found. I don't want to eat alone, so I begin my search for Tsukasa-san like I did for them a while back. It takes me a while to find Tsukasa-san, but I manage to find him. He's in the music room, playing the piano. I didn't know he played.
I heard Toya-san plays piano. And violin. I wonder what it’s like to be so talented. My only talent is robotics and scaring kids off. That surely gets me a gold star. Maybe one day I’ll be talented. Actually talented.
If I grow up, I want to win first place in a talent show.
———
After school, I’m once again on the rooftop. Staring at the ground below. A fall from this height would definitely break a few bones. Maybe even be fatal if I were to land on my head or in some awkward position.
“—are you?”
…
What?
“I’m talking to you, dumbass.”
…
“I said, you’re not actually thinking of jumping, are you?”
…
I run off before they can say anything else.
———
Stupid!
Look, everyone! It’s a stupid monster!
Step right up, only 40¥! Throw your best insults at him! Whoever makes him end his life first wins a grand prize of bragging rights!
Akiyama Mizuki is definitely about to earn those bragging rights.
———
I fucking hate this. I’m too cowardly to even do anything. Can’t tell an adult. Not even my own parents. Tsukasa-san doesn’t care enough to hear my own issues. I have nobody else but Nene but what can she do? Kiseki’s just a dumb platypus.
Maybe I should give them those bragging rights they so damn deserve.
After all, who wouldn’t feel happy about Kamishiro Rui dying? I definitely wouldn’t.
———
I get home and immediately fall asleep in my bed so I don’t have to face my annoying thoughts. I curl up in my blankets and drift away. Away from this cruel world. Away from them. Away from Tsukasa-san and Kiseki and Nene and my crumbling grades and my life—or lack of—and everything.
Kamishiro Rui. Drifting through an empty void. Longing for death to overcome him.
Pathetic.
———
The next morning, I wake to find three more cuts, just barely peeking out from the bandages I stole from the nurse. It’s still dark out, and Mama hasn’t come to wake me up. But why?
I look at the clock.
That’s why.
I woke up three hours before I was supposed to. Damn my body and its horrible sleep habits. I can’t sleep now or I risk sleeping in again and I don’t want that to happen.
Hour one, I drink enough coffee to make my hands shake for the rest of the day. I shower because I’ve been slacking off about when I shower.
Hour two, I read a million books to pass time.
Hour three, I work on Robo-Nene some more until I’m convinced I can put off working on her for a few months.
I don’t want to go to school.
I don’t want to do anything.
I don’t want to live.
Maybe someone is kind enough to switch lives with me.
I’d rather be anyone else.