The aftermath
Chapter 11:
Harry sat in Buckbeak's room and cried for what seemed like hours. The memories of who he once was still echoed through his head.
He had been such a fool.
Hadn't he been warned. Both of his fathers, all of his brothers, and even Nimue had warned him against his mother. They had told him not to listen to her. They had told him that she was intending to use him to achieve her own goals. He should have listened to them. He should have tried and reconciled with Arthur. He should have tried to have a negotiation with him, to try and settle their differences.
But no. Like the obedient little pawn he was, he had begun a conflict with Arthur which had resulted in countless dead. As soon as Arthur showed even the slightest amount of disagreement, he had gone on the offensive.
He should have known that Arthur wouldn't have done such a horrible act, as to order the deaths of forty innocent infants. For years, he had watched how Arthur ruled over his people. He was kind, just, always seeking a peaceful, diplomatic solution and only resorting to violence when absolutely necessary. Arthur loved all of his people. Yes, the man did have his floors, as did all men. Yes, he was a little unfair with laws concerning magic. And yes, when the people he loved hurt him, he could turn quite wrathful. But Harry could argue that he had good reason to. The two largest examples he could think of were the betrayals of Lancelot and Guinevere, and his own betrayal.
But had Arthur not shown Morgana mercy, even after she had used her magic to trick him into bed with her?
And yet, Morgana repaid his kindness through the manipulation of the son who had been born of that incident, so that father and son would kill each other, and leave Britain in ruin.
His people had died, because of him. His fathers had died, because of him. His brothers had died, because of him. Because of him, kin lay with kin in the funeral pier.
He could still remember the image of Gaheris, the deep stab wound, with blood poring out of it like a river of red.
Tears prickled his eyes as he thought of it.
It was this memory which caused him to have to leave his and Ron's room so quickly. For when he had accidentally woken Ron up, and their eyes had met, Harry felt as if he was not looking into the eyes of the friend that he had met on his first train-ride to Hogwarts. No, he felt as if he were looking straight into the eyes of his youngest brother.
But this couldn't be possible, could it? After all, if he had been reborn, why not any of his brothers?
Harry shook his head.
No, it couldn't be possible. Ron hadn't been having nightmares, as Harry had. No one else in Grimauld Place had been having nightmares, besides him.
Harry again berried his face in his hands and sobbed. He could not help but feel so alone.
Oh, why did this have to happen now.
He thought.
Why did he have to remember his life as Mordred, so soon after the return of Voldemort? Didn't the universe think he was suffering enough?
"Harry?"
Harry's head jerked up in shock. There were two people standing in the doorway. Harry had to blink and shake his head a few times, as he thought he saw two more people from his past.
But no, it was only Sirius and Remus.
"Hey, are you okay?" Asked Remus, sitting down beside him. Sirius soon joined him.
"Ron told us you had woken up and were sick all over the floor." Sirius continued. "And then he said you practically ran up here."
"I'm... Fine." Harry replied. He was of course, anything but fine, but he did not wish to worry everyone, more than they probably already were.
"Well, if you're sure," Remus said, with a tone that told Harry the werewolf did not believe him for a second. "Breakfast is ready now, if you want anything. You better come down soon."
"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "You don't want to spend the last day of the holidays in here, do you?"
Harry managed a slight chuckle.
"O... Okay." He finally replied. "But, can I... Can I have a minute?"
"Sure," Remus replied. "Just don't be too long."
"I won't."
And with that, the two adult wizards left the room, leaving Harry once again alone with a hippogriff and his thoughts.
This was getting ridicules. Not only was he seeing Gaheris in Ron, but now he was seeing Gawain in Sirius and Gareth in Remus.
He had to admit, there were some similarities.
Ron was loyal to his family, despite his constant complaints of feeling as if they over-shadowed him. Gaheris had always been loyal to his family. Harry remembered when he, as Mordred, had revealed the affair of Lancelot and Guinevere, even though the five brothers had agreed to keep it a secret. Gaheris had felt betrayed by this, and had hardly spoken to Mordred for a while after that. And just last year, after Harry's name had come out of the Goblet of Fire, Ron had felt betrayed by Harry, and had ignored him until after the first task.
He and Gaheris had always been the closest, even though all of the five brothers strongly loved each other. And Ron had been the first real friend he had made at Hogwarts.
Then there was Sirius. Just like Gawain, he had quite a temper. However, he also had a grand sense of humour, attempting to lighten the mood whenever possible. And when the situation called for it, they could both be serious.
Remus was quieter, more reserved, just as Gareth had been. Both were kind and thoughtful.
And did Harry not have a connection to these two men as well? Sirius had been his parents' closest friend, and was his Godfather. Remus was another one of his parents' friends, and he was also Harry's former teacher, and by far the best, in Harry's opinion. Had Sirius not straight away offered to take Harry away from the Dursleys, not even a few hours after they had begun to trust one another? And had Remus not gone out of his way to teach him the patronus charm?
Once was a coincidence. Twice was a stretch. But three times...?
Harry's mind swirled with feelings of hope, doubt, longing, fear, and so many more.
He remembered what Nimue had told him upon his death.
"... We shall rise again. We shall have another chance to rewrite the stars."
What if what she said was true? What if, this was his second chance to right the wrongs he had committed?
And she had said "We". What if this meant she would be reborn too? And what if, everyone he loved would be reborn? Nimue, his brothers, his fathers... All could be reborn.
Harry suddenly felt less alone. Then, just as quickly as the feeling had come, his heart sunk with realisation.
What if, once they remembered, they hated him? After all, he had disappointed them all by falling for his mother's traps, even after countless warnings. What if they turned their backs on him for all that he had done? He wouldn't blame them. After all, he was responsible for their deaths. Their blood was on his hands, and no amount of regret could wash it away.
He shook his head.
At this moment, they did not seem to remember. Maybe they wouldn't. And hopefully, if they did remember, they would also have enough memories of Harry to possibly forgive him for the crimes of Mordred. And even if they didn't, Harry felt as if he would still have Nimue.
But that raised another question. Who, exactly, was Nimue?
Harry thought over all the women who had been somewhat significant in his life.
There was Hermione. Both she and Nimue shared a great amount of curiosity when it came to magic. And besides Ron, she was one of Harry's closest friends. But no, that did not feel right.
Could it be Ginny? She had after all, once had a crush on him. But no, that too, did not feel quite right.
Maybe Cho Chang, who he had begun to develop feelings for last year. But no, that definitely did not feel right.
Pavati Patil, who he had taken to the Yule ball last year? But again, that did not feel right.
Harry shook his head. Then, he remembered something else that Nimue had said.
"... And when we rise, you and I will meet again..."
Maybe, he hadn't met Nimue in this life yet. Maybe, now that he remembered who he once was, he would find her. After all, it had taken him mere seconds to recognise three of his brothers. But then again, he had none Ron, Sirius and Remus for years. What if he found Nimue, and didn't even know it until it was too late?
Harry shook his head.
He should not panic over such things. Surely Nimue, of all people, would remember their past. She, like her mother, had always had an other-worldly air about them. They had been intelligent and powerful sorceresses, and some even believed that they were descended from the fae themselves.
Knowing Nimue, she would find him before he found her.
Harry shook his head and decided it was time to go down to breakfast. He did not wish to worry anyone any more than they most likely already were. And who knows, he might be able to find some more people from his past.
The first to accost Harry, once he entered the dining room, was Mrs Weasley. Before Harry had even taken three steps into the room, the woman had instantly rapped him in a tight embrace.
"Oh, Harry." She said. "Are you okay? We were so worried when Ron told us that you had been sick..."
"I'm... Fine..." Harry managed to choke out.
"Molly, please, calm down. You are going to choke him." Said Mr. Weasley, attempting to convince his wife to release Harry.
Thankfully, Mrs Weasley let Harry go from her suffocating embrace. Unfortunately, he was instantly accost by the other residence of number 12, grimauld place.
Eventually, he was able to reach the table and sit down. Mrs Weasley instantly put a giant plate of pancakes.
"Thanks Mrs Weasley." He said.
"It's nothing dear." Mrs Weasley replied. "I always think you come back from the Holidays a bit too thin.
Harry smiled. He began to eat his breakfast. Unfortunately, he was only a few mouthfuls in before a new surprise hit him in the form of Hermione.
As soon as the witch sat down in the seat opposite him, Harry was choking on his pancakes.
"Harry, are you okay?" She asked, concerned.
"I'm... Fine." Harry replied, sputtering.
Of course. He should have known. Who else could it have been?
He thought back to his earlier musings. No, Hermione was most definitely not Nimue. She couldn't be, because she was a bit to busy being Agravaine.
Harry had a strong connect to her, just as he did to the rest of his siblings in this life. Both Hermione and Agravaine were responsible and intelligent. Most of the time, both were the voice of reason.
Admittedly, he had not been expecting one of his brothers being reborn a sister. But he supposed that it was a possibility. He wondered if anyone else from his past would be reborn with a different gender. He did not know whether to laugh or shudder in horror as he thought of his father, Lot, being reborn as a woman.
Finally, he was broken out of his thoughts by Ron joining them at the table. This time, Harry was able to very quickly push down his writhing emotions upon seeing his youngest brother.
"Hey Ron. Sorry about earlier." Harry said.
"It's okay." Ron replied, beginning to eat his breakfast. "But Merlin's beard, you really scarred us."
Harry flinched in shock upon hearing the name of the wizard who had ruined so much. He could feel his hand shaking as he clenched his fist around his cutlery.
"Harry? Harry, are you alright?"
Harry's eyes snapped up to see that both Gaheris and Agravaine... Errr, Ron and Hermione, were staring at him in concern.
"I'm... Fine." He managed to say.
"Are you sure?" Hermione asked. "You've just gone really pale."
"It's nothing." Harry replied.
He took a deep breath, attempting to steady himself.
Of course. How could he have forgotten. The wizarding world practically worshipped Merlin. The bloody sorcerer had his own order, for crying out loud.
His stomach turned at the thought.
How could history remember such a man in such a positive light? After all, countless sorcerers had died at his hand. And last he was aware, Merlin had died at his own hand. So the sorcerer couldn't have influenced how history remembered him.
Then who was there, to portray Merlin Emrys as some sort of magical hero?
Then the thought struck him. If Merlin was remembered, why not everyone else? Harry knew the fact that Arthur was just as idolised in the non-magical world, as Merlin was in the wizarding world. Though, Harry was not quite familiar with any of the legends concerning Arthur.
Harry did not know why, but he was suddenly curious to see how he and the people he loved were remembered. Maybe he could be able to figure out who provided the accounts of what occurred during the time of Camelot.
Or maybe he was just masochistic.
He wondered where he would get this information. Then he thought that, if anyone were to have this information, it was the witch sitting in front of him.
"Hey, Hermione?" He began.
"Yes?" Hermione replied.
"Well, I've been thinking. You know how I've been having bad dreams lately?"
She nodded.
"Well, i was thinking that maybe my dreams are a result of Voldemort being back."
"Yes, that does make sense." She said.
"Yeah, well," He continued. "I was thinking that, maybe I need something to, you know, help distract my mind from this for a bit. And I was thinking of maybe reading a book or something."
"That sounds like an excellent idea." Hermione replied excitedly. "There is nothing like a good book to help your thought processes..."
"Oh, bloody hell." Ron muttered. "Look what you've done."
"I can think of so many that might be able to help you..." She continued.
"Yes, well," Harry interrupted. "I was thinking of something specific. You see, I have always been fascinated but old legends, like, King Arthur? But I've never been able to find any good sources for any of the stories. I was wondering if you had anything that about King Arthur."
Hermione blinked.
"Umm... Well," She began hesitantly. "Harry, if you're trying to cheer yourself up, I highly doubt that King Arthur could help you. I mean, it doesn't exactly have a happy ending."
"That's okay." Harry replied. "I'd take almost anything at this rate."
"Well," Hermione replied. "I will see what I've got."
"Thanks." Harry said, smiling.
A few hours later, Hermione came to him with a giant book.
"Here," She said, handing the monstrosity to him. "My parents gave this to me a few years ago. It's a compilation of all of the legends and a history of the different variations."
"Bloody hell." Ron muttered upon seeing it. "Do I even want to know how quickly you got through it?"
Hermione blushed.
"Well... It took me about a month."
Ron rolled his eyes.
"Let's hope this lasts Harry for the year."
Once everyone had gone to bed, and Harry could hear Ron's snores, Harry began to read. He of course, did not read the entire thing. He mostly focused on the people he cared about, such as his fathers, brothers, Nimue, his mother, and himself.
He was astonished.
Many of the key events were still there. However, many of the reasons and finer details had been altered. He did not know if this was due to the source of the information, or the author having taken several creative liberties.
Lady Vivien was now interpreted as most definitely being one of the fae. She was often described as literally coming from the lake.
He was amused to see that in one legend, Merlin was believed to be the bastard off-spring of a demon. He was also amused to see that Merlin was believed to be trapped in a tree by his apprentice, Nimue. However, he was less amused upon reading that Merlin was supposedly "infatuated by Nimue". The mere thought of Merlin even looking at Nimue in such a way made his skin crawl.
It appeared that legend had split his mother into two different women. Morgan Le Fay, who was the one to plot against Arthur, and Morgause, who was the mother of his brothers and himself.
He was amused by the tale of Gawain and the Green knight. Mostly because in this, Morgan had had the plot of killing Guinevere through the power of shock. His mother may have been insane, but she would not have thought of such a ridicules plan.
He was extremely thankful for the privacy wards when he read the story of the Holy Grail.
Yes, Galahad had been a Christan. And yes, at times he could be a self-ritches prick. But this... This was too much. Harry honestly had trouble picturing his friend being pulled to Heaven in a beam of light. Though, he did not know what happened to him, so it was possible something like this did happen.
However, what troubled him the most were the stories concerning himself.
In every single tale, he was portrayed as an evil traitor, as a usurper, and as a monster. He couldn't say that he was not expecting such a thing. But, he had had many supporters. And in the moments before his death, he had seen that many of his soldiers had survived that terrible battle. Surely some of them would have had something nice to say about him?
But no. No matter what the tale, he was always the villain. The destroyer of all. Arthur's bane.
How could this have happened?
The answer came to him as soon as he reached the part when Arthur left to pursue Lancelot, leaving him in charge of Camelot.
Guinevere, he thought.
Of course. She had been in the safety of Camelot during the battle. She would have had a perfect view of Camelinn from their chambers. As the only remaining ruler of Camelot, she would have had the power to dictate how the earliest records of that time were written.
And, according to Guinevere, it had been he, Mordred, who forced her into marrying him.
Harry scoffed.
She had truly out-done herself. Not only was he remembered as the villain, but in the majority of the tales, her affair with Lancelot was treated as some sort of romantic tragedy. Harry honestly thought that Sir Tristan's infatuation with his uncle's wife, (Which is surprisingly, one of the only stories which was almost completely accurate), was more tragic. At least he could resist his urges.
Harry closed the book and put it aside.
Maybe Hermione was right. Readying about Arthur was not helping him with his emotions.
However, one thought still floated in his mind.
In many of the legends, it is said that, in Britain's greatest need, Arthur would return from where he slumbered on the isle of Avalon.
Harry thought that if Britain had a great need, it was now. Voldemort had returned, and the people who were meant to run the country were refusing to believe the truth. Surely it was time for the return of what the legends called, "The Once and Future King".
Maybe that was why he was remembering his life as Mordred now. Because it was finely time for old heroes to rise again. Not that he was much of a hero.
He turned onto his back and looked at the dark ceiling.
Maybe, this was his chance. Maybe, if he found Arthur, they could band together to defeat Voldemort and save the wizarding world from the dark wizard who had plagued it for decades.
Harry could only hope that, once Arthur and he were reunited, he could forgive him for all that he had done.
Harry could feel it in his heart that the only way for them to be strong enough to defeat Voldemort permanently was for he and Arthur to reconcile. He could only hope that they could do this before it was too late.