More powerful than death
Chapter 12:
The next day was the beginning of term. Thankfully, for the first time in a long time, Harry had actually slept soundly. He thought that maybe this was due to him finally remembering that he was once Mordred, and that therefore he no longer needed to revisit key scenes from his previous life. Or maybe the universe had finally decided to give him a break for once. Either way, Harry was thankful.
Harry was upset at having to leave two of his brothers once more. However, he was still thankful that he would still have his other two brothers... Errr, siblings, even if they were yet to regain their memories, if ever. He really needed to get used to thinking of Agravain as a girl, and therefore a sister, not a brother.
After the Hogwarts express left the station, Ron and Hermione had to go to the prefect's carriage, leaving him with Ginny to find somewhere to sit.
"Come on," Said Ginny. "Let's go find a compartment before they're all taken."
"Yeah, okay." Harry replied.
He was secretly hoping to bump into Nimue on the train. However, with his luck, he highly doubted that he would find her so soon.
It did not take them long to run into someone who was all too familiar in more ways than one.
Oh, bloody hell,
He thought upon seeing the person.
It took him every ounce of self-restraint not to go running for the hills. He had to shake his head a few times.
No, this is Neville.
"Errr, Harry?" Asked the boy shyly. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just a bit dizzy from the train." Harry lied.
"Okay." Neville replied unsurely.
"Come on," Ginny said. "Have you found anywhere to sit Neville?"
"Errr, no." Neville replied. "Everywhere is full."
Ginny went to the compartment that Neville had just passed and opened the door.
"Come on, the only person in here is Luna. She's in my year, but Ravenclaw."
"B but..." Neville stammered. "I..."
"Don't worry." Ginny replied.
She stepped into the compartment and he and Neville followed. Harry suddenly felt a sense of anticipation.
"Hey, Luna, do you mind if we sit here?" Ginny asked.
The face of the girl inside was blocked by a magazine that she was apparently reading up-side-down. However, there was something about her that reminded Harry of... Something.
The girl, Luna, gestured for them to sit.
"So," Ginny asked, attempting to break the tension. "How was your summer Luna?"
The girl finally put down her magazine, and took of some strange looking spectacles.
Harry's breath court in his through. His eyes shone with unshed tears. He could hardly think.
Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. There was absolutely no way that he was this lucky, in either of his lives. There was no way he could have found her this soon.
But, there was something deep inside of him tell him that she was indeed, who he thought she was.
Maybe whatever higher power there was had finally decided to give him a break. Or maybe, due to all his bad luck, he had accumulated quite the cosmic debt of good luck, which is being paid off now. Either way, Harry was not complaining.
It took him all the restraint he had to not go over to her, and once again hold the one he loved with all of his heart.
"It was well." Nimue... No, Luna, replied. "I think I am coming close to finding the crumple-horned snorkack. I believe the nargles will be leaving me a hint on the astronomy tower tonight."
She looked at Harry as she said this.
"The wrackspurts seem to be clearing from your head. Do not worry, they will soon clear from other's minds. However, the ones whom are more infected are closer than you think."
Harry smiled at the use of the old code.
"Yes, tell me, how soon do you think the wrackspurts will clear?"
Both Ginny and Neville looked at him strangely.
"You understand this." Neville hissed to him.
Harry shrugged.
"I'm just going along with it." He replied.
"Oh, it won't take long for some." Luna replied. "I think I will have to discuss this with the nargles later when I find my hint to the crumple-horned snorkack."
Harry smiled. He knew that they both must sound insane to Ginny and Neville, but he didn't care. He was now going to reunite with the one he loved, on the astronomy tower that night.
Throughout the train ride, his thoughts were a jumble with shock, joy, fear, regret, and many other emotions.
He could not stop thinking about what he had seen. Out of all the people for him to be... Neville?
Harry had known the boy for four years. He had shared a room with him, gone to lessons with him, eaten meals with him.
Neville was many things. He was good at herbology. He had a kind heart. He was brave when the time truly called for it...
On second thought, he could actually see the resemblance when looking at him carefully.
Harry was really, really not sure how to feel about this. He supposed that he won't be sleeping as easily.
From what Harry had observed, Neville hasn't seem to have remembered just yet. But what will happen when he does?
Harry should have known that it would be someone close to him, someone he had known for a while.
Eventually, Ron and Hermione joined them. Harry thought it was strange, to have so many people from his past in one location, with only Ginny being the exception. It was almost amusing, as he did not think he had seen all four ever in one location, in such close proximity.
The amusement only grew when the compartment door opened to reveal one of the most unexpected rebirths.
Oh, for all that was good and holy... Malfoy, really? Malfoy?
It was hard to connect the git that had harassed him for the past four years, with the person he now saw.
The thought was so amusing, that he could not control a laugh from bursting out of him. Instantly, the slytherin scowled.
"What are you laughing at, Potter? I might want to be careful if I were you. For you see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect. So I, unlike you, have the power to give out detentions."
"Yes, well," Harry retorted. "You, unlike me, are a self-ritchous prick."
Everyone, excluding Luna, were looking at him in surprise.
Hermione nudged him.
"Umm, are you sure that "Self-ritchous", is the right way to describe him?"
Harry chuckled.
;Oh, you'll see."
Malfoy huffed and stormed out of the compartment. Luna grinned at him and winked.
"The wrackspurts haven't quite left his head yet." She whispered.
Harry grinned.
"Oh, but I can't wait to see what happens when they do. Maybe he'll finally grow up and stop complaining to daddy for everything."
Eventually, they reached Hogwarts. Harry was momentarily surprised to see thestrals pulling the usually horseless carriages up to the school.
He remembered his mother, Morgana, telling stories about these creatures that can only be seen by those who have witnessed death. He supposed that the carriages must have moved somehow, and that he must only be seeing them now, due to him having only now seen death. Or, remembered seeing death. Did it count if he had seen it in a past life?
Harry shook his head and followed Ron and Hermione into a carriage.
Upon entering the Great Hall, he felt a sudden sense of foreboding, as if something horrible were about to happen. He sat down at the Gryffindor table with his reborn siblings. As they waited for Professor McGonagall to arrive with the first-years, his gaze slipped to the staff table.
Hagrid wasn't back yet. Wonder where he is? Surely he would have arrived with the first-years? But oh, that's right, he hadn't seen the half-giant calling out for the first-years.
There was Professor Flitwick, talking to Professor Sprout. McGonagall was of course, going to meet the first-years. And then... Oh, what the... No way...
He had to blink a few times.
Snape? Snape?
He shook his head again.
Out of all the people... Snape?
But snape had hated him from day one? Though, from what he had heard over the years, it had been because the potions master had an old school quarrel with his father from this life. But now... Harry was more inclined to think that he sub-conciously hated him because of how he had failed him back in his days of Mordred.
But seriously? Snape?
He shook his head and continued to look at the staff table. Some old toad dressed in pink. Hey, hadn't she been at his hearing? Strange, she being here. Wait... Was she the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher? She didn't look like much. Well, moving on... Oh, no. No, no no no no no no no... No...
It can't be. Why here? Why now?
Harry felt his fists clench so tightly that he could have sworn his nails drew blood, but that was not currently on his mind.
Out of all the people... Why did it have to be him?
He supposed he now knew why he had reacted so badly to him coming to his hearing. But oh... Why...?
"Harry, Harry?"
He blinked, turning his gaze away from the staff table and the one he feared and hated most. Ron was shaking his shoulder. Both the red-head and Hermione looked at him with concern.
"Are you okay?" Hermione asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost, and not the ones here."
"Nah, you look like you just saw You-Know-Who appear in the middle of the hall." Ron retorted.
"I... I'm fine." Harry replied weakly.
He looked over to the Ravenclaw table where Nimue... Luna, sat. He looked into her eyes, then briefly flicked his gaze back to the staff table. She got his message, nodded, and put a finger to her lips before shooting him a reassuring glance.
Thankfully, at that moment, Professor McGonagall arrived with the first-years.
After the feast, all anyone could talk about was the new teacher, professor Umbridge. Harry himself did not know what to think about her. He found her interrupting Dumbledore was quite amusing. But on the other hand, her little speech had been as confusing and convoluted as well... His old lullaby.
Upon entering the dormitory, he saw that Dean and Seamus had already arrived and were in the process of unpacking their trunks.
"Hey," He said.
The two instantly fell silent.
"Oh, hey." Dean said. "Good summer?"
"It was okay." Harry replied.
"Must have been better than Seamus's." Dean said.
"What do you mean?" Asked Neville.
Seamus was silent for a long time. Finally, he responded.
"Me Mam didn't want me to return to Hogwarts." He said.
Harry blinked.
"Why?" He asked, dreading the answer.
Again, Seamus was silent for a long time.
"She umm... Reads the daily prophet."
"Oh." Harry replied.
He knew that once, he would have been insulted by this. But now, with all of his memories as Mordred, this information did not effect him as strongly. After all, the prophet may have people thinking him a lying lunatic, but it was better than being remembered as the inbred bastard son who killed one of legends greatest Kings.
"You've got to be joking?" Ron retorted. "She actually believes that rubbish that Harry's a liar and Dumbledore's an old fool?"
"Just leave it Ron." Harry said as he began to unpack his belongings.
All four boys blinked and looked at him.
"What?" Ron asked, surprised. "You're just going to... Going to let him say that his mum thinks your..."
"Ron." Harry said calmly. "I am perfectly fine. Seamus's mum will believe what she believes. If she wants to be one of the sheepeople, then I'm not going to stop her."
"What did you just call me Mam?" Seamus asked indignantly.
"I called her one of the sheepeople." Harry replied. "People who follow the media like sheep."
"Well I..." Seamus began, but he was cut off as Harry lifted a hand and shot him a cold stair.
"Don't." He said. "It is late, and I am tired. Just go to bed, okay? I am not insulting your mother, I am merely stating a fact. And the fact is, that people are to easily effected by the media."
Seamus huffed and stormed out of the dormitory into the bathroom.
"Just so we are clear," Neville began. "Both my Gran and I believe that the prophet is a complete pile of rubbish."
Harry's lips managed to twitch in a small smile.
"Thanks, Neville." He said.
"Your welcome." Neville replied. "But... Does anyone here know how to put up privacy wards?"
Harry blinked.
"Why?" He asked, dreading the answer.
"It's just," Neville began. "Over the summer I was... Errr, having some really bad dreams and errr... Screaming, in my sleep."
"What kind of dreams?" Harry continued, his heart sinking to somewhere around his naval.
"I don't know." Neville replied. "There all blurry. But, I do remember there's this king... And a sword..."
Harry's stomach suddenly lurched.
"And you've been having these dreams all summer?" He asked.
"Yeah." Neville replied. "They began just after the end of last year."
"Hey, Harry's been having bad dreams too." Ron said before Harry could stop him.
"Really?" Neville asked, wide eyed. "That's strange."
"Yeah," Harry replied. "Well, I've learnt how to do privacy wards if you want me to help you?"
"Thanks." Neville replied as Harry drew his wand.
Harry waited until he could hear that the others were asleep. Then, he quietly got out of bed. He had gone in still dressed in his robes, so he didn't have to get changed. All he needed to do was to get his invisibility cloak from his trunk and put it on.
Quietly, he left the dormitory. He walked through the common-room and out of the portrait hole.
It was relatively easy to go from the common-room to the astronomy tower. He supposed that she had chosen this specific location, as it was private and easily accessible from both the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw common-rooms.
All throughout his journey, he was full of a nervous anticipation.
The last time he had seen her was his vision as he died. But was that really her, or just his sub-concious. He thought it was her, but now he was not so sure.
Would she still love him, after all that he had done? Could it be possible that, during her life as Luna, she had learnt of his actions through the many legends, and would therefore have a slanted idea of what really happened? Would this change her feels towards him? He wouldn't blame her.
Would she blame him for her death?
He had many regrets from his life as Mordred. Betraying Arthur, giving into his mother's manipulations, and causing all of Britain to fall into civil war were only a few. However, one which still remained to be as his greatest, was not being able to prevent Nimue's death.
Her death, his failure to protect her, was truly the turning point for him.
There were many points in the last days of his life which could be seen as the Catullus for what he became. The discovery of his heritage, him revealing the affair of Lancelot and Guinevere, Arthur leaving in pursuit of the lovers... Maybe, things were set in motion as early as Merlin ordering him and the other thirty-nine infants be sent out to sea?
However, what Harry felt was what truly set him on his dark path, was Merlin's murder of Nimue. If not for this, then he would not have felt the need to seek vengeance against Guinevere, by revealing her deepest darkest secret to Arthur, who wouldn't have then pursued her and Lancelot to Francia, which wouldn't have led to his mother coercing him into taken the throne for himself, which would, upon Arthur's return, result in their civil war...
It all made Harry's head turn.
Finally, he reached the stairs leading up to the astronomy tower. Every step was harder than the last. His mind swelled with feelings of anticipation, fear, hope, and so many more.
Finally, he reached the top. He took a deep breath and opened the door.
She was there, standing with her back to him, looking out over the grounds. He walked to her.
"You came." She said, turning to him.
"Of course." He replied. "An army couldn't keep me away."
She smiled.
"Well, you have kept me waiting, my tarnished silver."
Harry smiled, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
"I am sorry to keep you waiting."
He finally reached her.
"So, what do I call you now?" He asked. "Would you prefer your old name or your new one?"
She shrugged.
"Nimue, Luna, it does not matter to me. We are one and the same. I have had my memories long enough to adjust. But, I do think it best if you call me Luna in public."
He smiled.
"Okay then. But, do you think you could call me Harry. It's just, I'm still adjusting to the old memories."
She smiled.
"It is fine. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweat."
Harry smiled.
It was in that moment that neither could hold themselves back any longer. They met in an embrace that was full of love, joy, and hope. And when their lips met, it was as if he had found a peace of him that he had not even known he had been missing. In that moment, he could not tell who he was. Was he Harry, the boy wizard whom everyone seemed to think was an insane liar? Or was he Mordred, the bastard son of Arthur Pendragon and his half-sister Morgana Le Fay? Was he kissing Luna Lovegood, a Ravenclaw student who was in the year below him? Or was he kissing Nimue, the daughter of Vivien, the Lady of the Lake of Avalon?
He did not know, and nor did he care. She was right, their names did not matter. They were still the same souls, she was still the same young woman whom he loved with all of his heart, and he thanked whatever higher power there was everyday for her.
Now that he had her, he felt as if he would never be alone again. He felt as if, for the first time in a long time, he had found his home. He had found where he was supposed to be.
Their kiss lasted for a long time, though he had no way of knowing if it lasted for an eternity or just for a few seconds. However, eventually, they had to part for air. When they did, they still held each other in a tight embrace. He could feel her breathing, her heartbeat. He could smell her hair, her skin. It made him feel things that he could not even put into words.
She rested her head on his shoulder.
"Oh, I have waited so long for this." She said. "Fate and magic have finally brought us back together."
Harry was unable to hold back the torrent of tears which had been waiting for so long. They flowed down his face in little rivelets like raindrops. When she felt them hit her head, she looked up.
"Shhh, do not cry my love." She said, wiping the tears away.
"I cannot help it." He replied. "I... I cannot believe this is happening."
She smiled.
"I told you that when we rise, you and I would meet again." She said. "And so we have."
He shook his head.
"No, it's just... I am still amazed you would take me."
She blinked.
"Of course. I will always have you. You are mine, and I am yours. I love you, just as I always have and always will."
"Even after all that I have done?" He retorted, looking down.
She put a hand under his chin and lifted his head to face her.
"You were only doing what you thought was best. You only wanted to set magic free." She said gently.
He shook his head.
"So many have died because of me. I... I have failed you, I failed all of you. I was unable to overcome my mother's manipulations."
"Shhhh." She said, stroking his hair. "It will be alright. You are not the villain here, you are only another victim of Merlin and Morgana's fight for power."
He sucked in a deep breath.
"i forgive you." She continued. "The fact that you feel remorseful for what you did shows that you are not a monster."
He shook his head.
"I... I was unfaithful to you." He said, his heart filled with so much regret.
She raised an eyebrow.
"Unfaithful?"
"Yes, I... I married Guinevere, a week or two before Camlann..."
She nodded.
"Yes, I am aware of this."
"You are?" He asked, his heart sinking.
She merely nodded.
"Tell me, what was the reason for this marriage."
He blinked in surprise.
"It was part of the deal, for King Leodigrants to send reinforcements, I had to marry Guinevere."
"And were you intimate with her?"
He blinked again.
"No, never." He replied.
"Then I do not see how you have been unfaithful to me." She told him calmly.
Harry frowned in confusion.
"But I..."
"You only married her out of desperation." She said. "I am not upset. Though, I do feel you went a little far by striking her."
He looked down.
"I'm sorry. It's just... She was making me so angry and... And then she tried to appeal to my good side by talking about you and... I guess from that and the pressure of the war... I snapped. I know that is no excuse for striking a woman, but..."
She put a finger to his lips.
"Do not worry." She said gently. "I understand, you were mentally unstable from all of the pressure you were under."
He chuckled bitterly.
"Maybe what they say now is true. Maybe I am insane."
She shrugged.
"Who is to say who is and who isn't insane. Maybe we're the only sane ones and the rest are crazy."
They both laughed.
She stepped out of the embrace, but still held his hand in hers.
"Come, we have much to discuss."
He let her lead him to one of the low benches, where they could sit and look out over the grounds. They sat side by side, their fingers intertwined.
"So," He began. "If you don't mind me asking, how long have you remembered?"
"Since I was around nine." She replied, a hint of sadness in her tone. "There was an incident, my mother from this life loved to experiment and... Something went wrong. She died, and I... I began to remember..."
He squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"I'm sorry.." He said.
She shook her head.
"It's fine. I'm glad it happened."
She smiled.
"It meant that, from the moment I first saw you, I could recognise you."
"You could?"
"Yes." She replied. "But I could also see that you had not yet remembered who you were. And so I had to wait."
He sucked in a breath.
"Are you able to recognise anyone else?"
She nodded.
"I am able to recognise everyone. I know that you are close friends with two of your brothers, or should I say siblings? I know that a couple years ago, another one of your brothers was our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I know who both your fathers are, and I know that you have an apparent rivalry with Galahad. However, I also know that known of them have remembered yet."
"And what about...?" He began, but stopped, as he was afraid of the answer.
She looked down.
"Yes, I know who Merlin is."
"And, do you think he remembers?"
She shook her head.
"Yes and no. I believe he remembers, but thankfully, he does not seem to be able to recognise us, as I believe we would have both been dead a long time ago."
"And how long do you think he's remembered?" He continued.
She shook her head.
"A while. Long before either of us were reborn, I think. It would explain a lot."
He nodded.
"Like why he seems to want to have a lot of important positions, in the Wizengamot, in the ICW, and in Hogwarts. And why he never wanted to be minister. Why be the leader, when you can be the puppet-master in the shadows?"
She hummed in agreement.
"So, when do you think the others will remember?"
"Well, I believe you already know of one who is beginning to remember." She replied.
He thought for a minute, then sighed.
"Yes, he's been having dreams just as I had. But, for some reason it seems to be taking him longer."
"He lived longer than you did." She retorted.
"Good point." He replied. "It's just, I'm scared about what will happen once he does."
She looked into his eyes.
"Yes, the two of you have much to work through."
He scoffed.
"That is a true understatement."
He then sighed.
"But honestly, what am I to do? He most likely will still hate me for betraying him."
She frowned.
"Yes, he may be angry with you for what happened. But, let us not forget what exactly he said to you before he died."
He scrunched up his eye-brows.
"He said that he was sorry he was not able to save me from my mother and that... That he..."
"That he loves you." She replied.
He shook his head.
"But how do we know if what he said is still true?"
She put a hand on his knee.
"Death, is a truly powerful force." She began. "However, there is a much, much more powerful force. Love. Love can go on, even after death. We are proof enough of that. Love has brought us together again."
"But do you truly think that he will forgive me after all that I have done?" He asked.
"I do not know." She replied. "All I know is, that he will be important in what is to come. The only way for us to successfully rewrite the stars is for the two of you to band together. Once, you were destined to kill one another. Now however, you must fight together to ensure that we do not repeat our fates."
Harry scoffed.
"Then we are doomed."
"Do not be so quick to give up." She said. "I have never known you to be an easy quitter."
He sighed and looked down.
"Why is this even happening now?" He found himself asking.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"This, remembering, not that I'm not thankful to remember you again. It's just... Why did all this have to happen just after Voldemort returned?"
She shook her head.
"Oh, can you not see? This is happening because Voldemort returned."
He blinked.
"What do you mean?"
She looked at him seriously.
"Our love may have passed into this life. But so has the rivalry of the two who were most responsible for our horrible fates."
He blinked in confusion for a few seconds. Then, it dawned on him.
His hands began to shake. He found he could hardly breath.
"You... You don't mean to tell me that...?"
"I am afraid so." She replied.
He shook his head and chuckled bitterly. Of course, his life could never be that simple.
He could not help but see the irony. In his first life, he had been manipulated by his mother to be a weapon against Merlin. Now, he was being manipulated by the one who used to be Merlin into being a weapon against the person whom used to be his mother.