Sorrowful Beginnings
The crisp autumn air blew leaves across the ground as Luz Noceda stepped out of her beat up Subaru Outback and into the parking lot of her apartment complex. She had two bags of groceries in her arm, paper to be exact. It could be composted and reused, so as not to harm the environment. She kicked the door to her car shut and made her way to the stairs that would take her to the third floor. After climbing the stairs, she managed to successfully dig her keys out and somehow unlock the door while balancing the bags.
The bags didn’t make it far, however, as they ripped open and her groceries fell across the entryway of her apartment. Luz winced as a jar of pasta sauce she had bought shattered, leaving a huge mess. Yup, pretty typical in Luz’s life, especially today. That’s because today was Luz’s birthday, which should be a joyous occasion! Except it’s also the day she lost her father many years ago, back when she was turned ten. The last twelve birthdays have been filled with depression and mourning.
Mama would usually come pick her up, and they’d go out for a nice dinner. Mama would ask Luz how she’d been, how therapy had been going, what her friends did, all the usual mom stuff. And then they’d go leave flowers on Luz’s father’s grave. Not great, but not super terrible, right? Except Luz was not doing well, and she couldn’t afford therapy in the last three years, and she didn’t really see or talk to friends. Oh, and her Mama passed two years ago from COVID-19.
Needless, to say, as Luz cleaned up the glass and mess from the groceries, she wasn’t ecstatic to be turning twenty three. It was another reminder she had no one, and her life was, well, lonely. Luz finished cleaning the mess and moved to put away the salvageable groceries, and sank into the loveseat in her small living room area with a sigh.
She always took vacation on her birthday usually, just to get to be alone, but it was on a Thursday this year. So, she took Friday off instead. None of her coworkers bothered to learn about her enough to know, anyway, so it didn’t come up at work. Nope, they found Luz to be a weirdo if she was active and spoke to them, or they found her to be rude when she was quiet and distant. They ignored her unless they were forced to speak to her. Gods, she really didn’t have much going for her, did she?
Luz’s mind began to spiral as she sat in her chair, and her head dropped into her hands. Tears began to roll as she tried to picture her parents’ faces. The hardest part was forgetting what their smiles looked like. Not that they’d smile if they saw her; Luz was a disgrace, worthless, and they’d just look at her with shame and disappointment. Fuck, that’s all anyone saw when they looked at her. Maybe they were right, and Luz should just… disappear. Yeah, disappear, because acknowledging what she actually thought she should do might give it too much power. And she might do it.
Luz’s mind just wouldn’t stop, because why would it when she was so horrible. Fucking pathetic, really. The voices screamed at her in her mind. Coward. Pathetic. Alone. Worthless. The insults kept coming, and her parents’ faces were there. Except they were frowning, frowning at the disappointment of a daughter they had. Luz stood and stumbled to the bathroom. She had picked up an old habit to silence the voices, one she had promised her Mama she would never do again. Just another way to let her down, Luz supposed. She opened the drawer to the right of her sink, and reached to the back to find her solution. She pulled out a razor, and opened it to reveal the blade inside.
The razor could give her a reprieve from the voices. Plus, she deserved to be punished, for letting everyone down. In the past, Luz would cut her thighs, but no one cared enough to be around her anymore. So, to her wrists she went, making a few good size cuts on her wrists. With each one, she felt like it became a little easier to breathe, and the voices got more and more distant. There, they were gone. For now, at least.
Luz looked down at her wrists, at the 6 new cuts lining it. There were numerous others of varying lengths all along her left wrist, some faded, some fresh. She felt better seeing the blood run down her arm, knowing she had punished herself and she deserved it. Luz really didn’t enjoy cutting, but it was required. It silenced the voices, and it punished her. Win-win. Luz sat on the edge of her bath tub and cleaned her cuts with running water before drying them and bandaging the spot. Maybe not sterile, but who cared if they became infected?
She pulled her phone out and was surprised to see numerous messages. There were happy birthday messages from many of her friends, along with her adopted sister, Vee. Vee, Willow, Hunter, and Gus wanted to take her out tomorrow for drinks and food to honor her birthday. She should be happy her friends cared enough to remember, but the idea just gave Luz anxiety. Which she had just finished getting a reprieve from. She would have to pretend to be happy so she didn’t burden those she cared for, and have to mingle with a lot of people right after cutting. Sounded terrible, but she’d go for them.
Luz’s godmother, Eda, also messaged her. She wished Luz a happy birthday, and told her to come visit soon before she had to come check in on her. Eda and Raine were worried, but they should just worry about raising their son, King. He was worth worrying about. It would be too hard, both physically and mentally, to hide her cuts and mental decline from Eda. She was all Luz had left to call family.
Those messages made her feel like shit, but they didn’t surprise her. Her loved ones tried to be there for her, but that’s just because they didn’t know the vile creature that was Luz Noceda. No, the only notification that surprised Luz was a discord message. Hecamity, someone from a Good Witch Azura fan group Luz was in, had messaged Luz. Actually, the notification said three minutes ago.
Hecamity
Hey, Luzura, sorry to bother you. The bot put in that it was your birthday, and I just wanted to say happy birthday! Hope you had a great day, and you get to celebrate it tonight.
Luz was quick to reply, since the message was so new and unexpected.
Luzura
Thank you, yeah my birthday was alright ig. I don’t think I’m gonna celebrate tonight, just sit here alone haha.
Luz had hit send before facepalming. Why had she sent that? Luz had seen pictures of Hecamity in IRL Selfies chat, and she was so beautiful, and Luz may have had a teeny tiny crush on her. But that message just screamed ‘attention whore’, and she was so stupid to send it, but she can’t edit it, or else Hecamity would see it was edited, and, and… and Hecamity responded.
Hecamity
:( birthdays should be celebrated, that sucks. If I lived nearby I’d go out with you
Luz gasped as she read the message, and then her face turned bright red when she realized Hecamity meant that she would hang out with Luz, not like go on a date. So pathetic to get excited like that, when she’s really just too dumb to understand what she read. But Luz didn’t have time to kick herself, there was a cute girl waiting on a response.
Luzura
Thanks, it means a lot. But unless you live near Gravesfield, CT, prolly can’t lol. But maybe we can play a game or something together sometime, if you wanted.
Immediately Hecamity started typing
Hecamity
OH
OH
I LIVE IN BONESBOROUGH
WE CAN TOTALLY HANG OUT IRL
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND????
Luz’s jaw dropped to the floor. That was, to say the least, not the response she had expected. There’s no way Luz could meet her. Hecamity was pretty, and Luz had a crush on her, and she was pretty, and cool, and so what they talked pretty regularly in discord and played games together? Being her Reinhardt and being pocketed by her while declaring “I SHALL BE YOUR SHIELD, M’LADY!” didn’t exactly count as being friends. Hecamity probably didn’t even like her. So what if she giggled at Luz’s antics, and that giggle turned Luz to a puddle?
Luz sighed. She couldn’t be rude to Hecamity, and she did like her, so she could do this. She could have one more person to mislead into thinking she was a good person worthy of friendship. Luz typed back a response.
Luzura
That would be so cool!!! I’m off Friday-Sunday, but I think I’m spoken for Saturday.
Hecamity
I’m off tomorrow too! It’ll take me like an hour and a half to get there, but I heard there’s a really good coffee shop in Gravesfield. It’s called the Owl House. Wanna meet there at like 10 and maybe go hang out after? We can do whatever you want, since it’s your birthday.
Luzura
Sounds great! See you tomorrow!
Luz dropped her phone and stared at the ceiling. She was doomed. Not only was she meeting her discord crush, who apparently lives within two hours. Not only will she have to be careful and hide her super obvious cuts from said crush. But she was going to meet her crush in her godmother’s coffee shop. Why did she do this to herself?