Spiders can still get drunk
“Sir?” Friday breaks through Tony’s thoughts. “You have an incoming call from Peter Parker.”
“Peter?” Tony looks up. “Put it through, Fri!”
There’s silence for a moment, and then Peter’s voice comes through.
“Hey, Mr. Stark!” he giggles, his voice slurring a bit. “I’m um… I’m at a… a really loud place, and Ned says I should call you… I dunno why, though, I’m fine, I’m having a lot of… of fun!”
“Kid?” Tony’s alarmed now. “Peter, where are you?”
“I’m at… I’m at Flash’s house, I think?” Peter says. “Ned was here, he said… he said he was going to get water, but… you know, Flash is actually really nice? He invited me here, and he kept giving me things, and he’s just been… he’s been a really nice dude this whole time.”
“Peter?” Ned’s voice filters in around Peter’s giggling, and background noise that Tony can now identify as a teenage party. “Peter, I told you to wait for me! Give me the phone, Peter, give me-”
There’s some rustling, indignant noises from Peter, and then Ned’s voice, louder this time.
“Mr. Stark? This is Peter’s friend, Ned?”
“Yeah, I know who you are, what’s going on?” Tony asks, calling a suit to him. “Is Peter… is Peter drunk?”
“I think so…” Ned sounds uncertain. “I don’t know what he drank, because he kept telling me he can’t get drunk, but… I mean, he seems pretty drunk to me…”
“I’m tracking this call, Ned, I’m coming,” Tony says. “Do I need to come in a suit, or do I have time to drive?”
“Oh, he’s fine, I’ve finally found him, I won’t let him have anything else,” Ned assures him. “I just… I was supposed to be at his house tonight, we have movie nights on Fridays, but when I got there May said she thought he was with me, and I put a tracker in his phone because sometimes I get worried he’ll get kidnapped or something, so I checked that and it said he was at Flash’s house, and when I got here Flash was handing him a cup, but I saw him put something in it, but Peter was already completely gone. I yelled at Flash, drew a lot of attention, but we’re out front right now. So yeah, he’s fine, you can drive.”
“Okay, Ned, I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Tony, who had gotten into the car while Ned was speaking, pulls out of the garage and speeds down the road. “Don’t leave him alone, don’t let him move, and don’t let him drink anything else, okay? I’ll be there soon.”
“Okay, Mr. Stark,” Ned agrees. “I guess we’ll… see you when you get here.”
“I’m on my way,” Tony says again, before ending the call. “Shit, kid, what’ve you gotten yourself into this time?” he mutters, as he presses harder on the gas pedal.
-{}-{}-{}-
Tony pulls up in front of a house with loud music blaring, lights flashing, and tons of teenagers in and around the house. Ned stands up immediately, and drags Peter to his feet, too.
“Kid,” Tony sighs, seeing Peter’s unfocused eyes and stumbling gait.
“Hey, Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaims. “Ned said you were coming, but I didn’t think you were… woah…”
Peter stumbles, and Tony catches him just before he tips over.
“What have you been doing, Peter?” Tony mutters.
“I just… I just went to Flash’s party, Mr. Stark,” Peter mumbles. “And I drank some… juice…”
“Yeah, you had more than juice, kid,” Tony rolls his eyes. “Come on, get in the car, we’ll discuss this at home.”
“Mr. Stark?” Ned asks quietly, as Tony buckles Peter into the car. “Don’t be… I mean, don’t let May be too hard on him, alright? They’d put a bunch of vodka or something in all the sodas and juices, so Peter probably actually thought it was just some weird soda. Flash is just… Flash is a dick, and he probably wanted to get Peter drunk so he and his friends could make a fool out of him or something.”
Tony sighs. “Okay, kid. Thanks for taking care of him. Do you need a ride?”
“Oh, no, my mom will be here any second,” Ned says. “I called her as soon as I got here and found Peter. Thank you, though.”
“No problem. Thank you,” Tony says again. “I’ll have Peter call you as soon as he’s… sober.”
“Alright,” Ned steps back. “Thank you.”
Tony nods at him, and pulls away from the house.
“You, uh, really didn’t need to come, Mr. Stark,” Peter slurs from the back seat. “I was… I was fine. I’m not… I swear I’m not drunk or anything, I just drank some… some Sprite, I think. Weird Sprite. But it was only soda, I’m… I’m fine…”
Peter dozes off, leaving his sentence unfinished. Tony sighs.
“You’re gonna be the death of me, kid.”
Peter would have a massive headache the next morning, and probably feel like trash for a while after, but at least he wasn’t drunk and at the mercy of Flash and his goons.