Quarantined

“We’re asking everyone to stay indoors unless absolutely necessary,” the reporter said. “Grocery stores will remain open, with modified, reduced hours, as will doctors, hospitals, and some drive-through restaurants. It is highly recommended that you participate in social distancing, and not interact with anyone outside your family. All schools are closed through at least April 14, with the possibility of this date being extended depending on-” 

Clint turned the television off, turning around to face Tony. 

“Great,” he said sarcastically. “Quarantine.” 

“Are you going to stay here, or are you going to go back home?” Natasha asked, entering the room. 

“I’ll stay here for a bit,” Clint shrugged. “Laura said she thought that much could be a good idea, since I’ve been out and about the city quite a bit. I didn’t really take this whole ‘corona-virius’ thing seriously until right about now.” 

“Pete’s said he’s staying here,” Tony added. “His aunt, May, has had some health issues, putting her in the high-risk category, and he doesn’t want to do anything that could endanger her. Of course, we’re all in danger of dying of boredom, but…” 

“This isn’t funny, Tony,” Steve snapped. “People are dying from this. Keep in mind, you’re technically in the high-risk category. Peter said he’s only staying because if he’s got it, he’s already given it to all of you. His aunt hasn’t been exposed at all; all of us have.” 

“Excuse me, I am not old!” Tony said indignantly. “If anyone’s in danger, it’s you, you artefact.” 

“Tony. People 60 or older, newborn babies, and people with health issues are the ones most at risk,” Steve said, his voice sharp. “You have severe heart conditions. If you got this virus, you’d likely die.” 

“Well, way to bring the mood down, Capsicle,” Tony stood and stretched. “I’ve survived worse, I’m not going down because of this stupid virus. Would someone go wake the kid up? It’s almost noon, and we’ve got work to do in the lab.” 

“I’m up, you don’t have to send anyone in,” Peter’s voice said. 

Tony jumped slightly, looking around. 

“Look up,” Peter, Natasha, and Clint said in unison. 

Tony looked up, finding Peter to be sitting cross legged on the ceiling. 

“Jesus Christ, kid,” Tony said. “You couldn’t just walk in like a normal person?” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Peter backflipped off the ceiling, landing directly in front of Tony. “Can we make some breakfast? I’m starving.” 

Day One of Quarantine

“You know,” Peter commented idly. “The corona virus started because some guy in China ate bat soup.” 

“What?” Tony looked up from the Iron Man suit he was tinkering with. “No, it didn’t. Scientists are still trying to determine where it started. Where did you hear that?” 

Peter shrugged. “It’s what all the memes were saying.” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “You need to spend less time on your phone.” 

Day Two of Quarantine

Peter laughed loudly, almost falling out of his seat on the couch. 

“Is your kid okay?” Bucky asked quietly. 

Tony shrugged. “I think he’s going a little stir-crazy. I haven’t let him go out, even as Spider-Man. He used to have asthma; even though he doesn’t anymore, I’m not taking any risks.” 

“No, don’t you get it?” Peter was demanding of Steve. “There have been earthquakes in Utah. That’s Kronk, from the Emperor’s New Groove. He’s playing apocalypse bingo.” 

“I’ve never seen The Emperor’s New Groove,” Steve shrugged. “And no, I don’t get it.” 

“Apocalypse bingo!” Peter exclaimed, still waving his phone in Steve’s face. “How do you not get it? You’re like a million years old, you have to have played bingo at some point. Because the world is ending! Come on, you fossil, how do you not get it?” 

Day Three of Quarantine

“Peter Benjamin Parker, what the fuck did you do to my living room?” Tony shouted. 

Peter sat up from his reclined position. “I made a hammock.” 

Indeed, Peter had made a hammock. He was currently lying in it. It was made of webs, and was suspended from the ceiling of the living room, nearly twenty feet in the air. 

“If you turn my tower into some weird Spider-cave, I swear, I will ground you for a month,” Tony threatened, continuing into the kitchen and pouring himself a cup of coffee. 

“How are you going to ground him?” Natasha asked, sipping her own mug. “He already can’t go outside.” 

“I will take away his electronic privileges,” Tony declared. 

“You really want to take away his one source of entertainment right now?” Clint asked, dumping an apple, banana, kiwi, tomato, and onion into a blender. 

“That’s true…” Tony mused, sipping from his mug. He stared at Clint, watching as he poured coffee, Red Bull, and Almond Milk into the blender. “May I ask, what the ever-living fuck are you doing?” 

“I’m making a smoothie,” Clint shrugged. “Do you have any raw garlic?

Day Four of Quarantine

“I think Bruce may Hulk out just to change things up a bit,” Natasha commented dryly over breakfast. 

“That would be so cool!” Peter exclaimed. “Hey, do you think I could take the Hulk in a battle?” 

“No, I am very sure you could not,” Tony said sharply. “And I absolutely forbid you from trying.” 

“Come on, people, it’s only been four days,” Bucky said, exasperated. “It’s really not that bad.” 

“Really?” Tony asked. “Your boyfriend has been over there sketching different types of chairs for the past hour.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Bucky grumbled, glaring down at his pancakes. 

“Sure he’s not,” Peter said, deadpan. “Mr. Bucky White Wolf sir, I have been raised on a steady diet of memes and vine. My gaydar is tuned to perfection, and you two are both giant blips on the map.” 

Tony, Clint, and Natasha stared at him for a moment, before they all broke down laughing. Peter grinned, a little confused, while Bucky almost pouted at his pancakes. Steve did not look up from his sketch of an octopus chair.

Day Five of Quarantine

“Peter!” Tony roared, stepping into the living room. “I thought we talked about this!’ 

“We did,” Peter piped up, peeking out from behind a mound of webs. “I mean, sort of. I mean, you talked. A lot. I mostly kind of tuned you out.” 

Peter had turned the living room into some sort of cave. Nearly every surface had webs on it, and there were multiple mounds dangling from the ceiling. Peter appeared to have webbed himself into the corner of the ceiling. 

“What are you doing?” Clint asked, walking into the room balancing ten jars of peanut butter in his arms. 

“I’m waiting to see how long it takes my webbing to dissolve, and if I’ll fall asleep before it does,” Peter informed him. “Also, I want to see what happens if I’m asleep when it dissolves. What are you doing?” 

“I’m making a peanut butter snowman,” Clint informed him. 

“Oh my god, you had better not start before I get down there,” Peter declared. “Mr. Stark, go find my web dissolver. This experiment can wait.” 

“It hasn’t even been a week,” Tony muttered, heading down to the lab for Peter’s web dissolver. “Not even a week, and everyone has already lost their shit.” 

“Excuse me, my shit is perfectly fine,” Natasha snapped, walking by holding a silver platter full of cheese. 

“What are you doing?” Tony sighed, not even sure he wanted to know the answer. 

“Oh, I’m seeing if Steve can find his way through a maze on the first try if I put this at the other end,” Natasha informed him. “Bruce asked me to find out.” 

“Where is Bruce?” Tony asked. “I haven’t seen him since this started. 

“He’s been in his lab, trying to manufacture a cure for the coronavirus,” Natasha said. “At this precise moment, he’s working on a sedative to get Peter to hibernate until this is over.” 

“What?” Tony shrieked, but Natasha had already walked away. 

Day Six of Quarantine

“You three!” Tony declared, walking into the kitchen and pointing at Peter, Clint, and Natasha. “I need groceries! Go get them!” 

“Why?” Peter asked, looking up from the fourteenth batch of cookies they’d made . “Don’t you have robots to do that?” 

“You’re all going crazy stuck in here, and it’s driving me crazy,” Tony snapped. “Get out of the house. Get me groceries. Go.” 

The three looked at each other, shrugged, and went to go find their shoes. 

-{}-{}-{}-

“What the hell is this?” Tony demanded, entering the living room. 

“Oh, we left the groceries in the kitchen,” Clint responded. “We got everything you asked for.” 

“I know for a fact I did not ask for this.” Tony gestured to the room at large. 

“We’re making a fort!” Peter happily supplied. “It’ll be the biggest, coolest fort you’ve ever seen!” 

“Out of toilet paper?” Tony demanded. 

“Yes,” Natasha nodded. “Peter suggested it.” 

“Everyone else was buying toilet paper,” Peter shrugged. “I figured we should, too. Now, Clint, Natasha, let’s get started!” 

In Peter, Natasha, and Clint’s defense, it was the biggest, coolest fort Tony had ever seen. Of course, they did have the unfair advantage of the hyper-active spider-kid, but… 

Tony even let them keep it for a few days. 

He did, however, make them return the assortment of voodoo dolls, crystal balls, spellbooks, and various cursed objects that turned up around day 16 of quarantine. 

Bruce never did Hulk out, thank Thor. He and Bucky mostly worked quietly in the lab. 

Steve filled two hundred and thirteen sketchbooks with drawings of chairs. He even built a few. Tony was amused, until he learned the wood came from all the bedframes in the tower.