Chapter 10
September 1990
Minerva McGonagall sighed and rubbed her temple, looking quite a bit put out and not very much amused. “I’m sorry [First Name], but I’m afraid it's completely out of the question.”
You weren’t sure whether to start begging or just burst into tears; not that it would have made a difference, it seemed like Minerva wouldn’t be swayed, especially after you had practically gotten her out of bed yourself.
But it’s not liked you had planned to throw yourself onto her mercy this morning. The plan was to go straight to Dumbledore and throw yourself on his mercy. You were prepared to move anywhere or do anything. You’d happily live in the green houses, weed Hagrid's gardens all winter long, work as long as it took to keep Trelawney organized- even be Filch’s personal assistant if it meant getting out of potions.
When you woke up this morning at five am to head to the headmasters office, you hadn't even bothered to get dressed, opting to throw on a plain robe over your pajamas. You were still smoothing down your bed-head when the giant gargoyle in front of his office smugly informed you that you had just missed Dumbledore; he was out on school business and the earliest he would return was the end of October. That meant that the only other person who could help was McGonagall. As Deputy Headmistress, she would have been able to pull you from the potions department.
“I sympathize with you [First Name], but you have to understand it’s already a month into the term. And not getting along with Severus just isn’t reason enough to move you out.”
“Minerva, please, it’s not just that we don't get along– he is completely impossible. I’ve done everything I can, trying not to step my bounds, but it's like he's trying to break me! Demanding I make potions in weird tests of ability, reprimanding me like a child in front of the students– it undermines my position as a professor in Potions and at Hogwarts. I’m just at the end of my rope here.” You grimaced at the desperation in your voice, but this was your last shot- you had a feeling she was about to kick you out of her office.
Minerva sighed again, but her expression was softer, kinder. “I understand. Really I do. But you have to understand I just don’t feel comfortable making a decision like this without the Headmaster. Moving you out means moving a different adjunct in, someone who isn’t as knowledgeable and qualified as yourself. It would be a disservice to the students and we can both agree that their education is the priority.”
She gave you a meaningful look and waited for your reluctant nod of agreement before continuing. “You are welcome to wait until Albus returns and make your plea to him, but as it stands, you cannot be moved and I have to expect you’ll continue with your duties as per usual. For the time being, please try and make things work.”
That was that then. You would have to stick it out- at least until Dumbledore came back. With a grim nod, you thanked her for speaking with you and apologized again for waking her up, before heading to the door.
Minerva sighed at your miserable expression and stopped you. “No one really gets on with Severus; he isn’t exactly one to try and keep the peace. I wouldn’t mind speaking with him, on your behalf, if you’d like?”
You blanched at the suggestion and shook your head fiercely.
“Alright, it was just a thought.”
“Thank you anyway Minerva.” you gave her a polite nod and slipped out into the corridor, where the rising sun had begun to flood through the long open windows.
This was going to be difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. You couldn’t avoid him- since that had so wonderfully failed last time- you would do what you always did: keep at your work and keep out of sight.
What that would mean for your grading sessions with him you weren't sure. Having to spend anymore time cooped up in Snape’s musty old office definitely didn’t sound appealing. Not that it ever had, but now it felt different; Minerva might be inclined to check in on you. Grading, teaching, working hands-on with the students were all technically your responsibilities- even if Snape had only just started letting you get more involved.
You’d have to talk to him eventually, but right now you couldn’t even imagine being in the same room as Snape, nevermind alone with the guy having a conversation. It was better to just forget it for now- you had the entire day ahead of you.
But first, a visit to Madame Pomfrey, for the strongest pain potion she had to tamp down the migraine that had followed you from yesterday’s blowout.
“I know it's only a month into the term, but working with Filius and the students has just been incredible! I’ve learned so much; and it’s just so great working with the students hands on- so much different then what I learned in that teaching seminar. I’m definitely going to follow up with the headmaster about applying for a permanent position next year.” Earnest happily bit into his toast as he continued telling you all about how well things were going in Charms.
You nodded along as he spoke, trying to hide your grimace behind your mug of tea. Of course you were glad to hear Earnest was enjoying himself, and you didn’t want to bring him down with your own woes, but it was hard to listen to him gush.
“I’m sorry [First Name],” Earnest apologized sheepishly, noting the sour look on your face. “I’m not trying to rub it in, honest. I can’t imagine how it must have felt to have Snape pull the kind of stunt he did.” He took another bite of his lunch and hummed in thought. “It’s a shame Dumbledore isn’t here; why don’t you just take Minerva up on her offer? Have her talk to Snape for you.”
The suggestion made you groan loudly and slump into your chair. “How totally humiliating would that be? No Earnest, I think I’d rather have Snape chop me up and use my pieces for his potions.” you replied dryly.
Earnest spluttered into his tea. “That's dark [First Name]. But how grim is it that I can actually picture him doing that?”
“I’m sure he’d be thrilled.” You rolled your eyes and looked out into the sunlight bathed Great Hall. It was a beautiful cloudless day and the crisp autumn breeze floated in through the long windows of the hall. It made you suddenly nostalgic for your first year as a student- when everything was new and magic and wonderful. When the future seemed just as bright as it was distant.
“You know, I spent a lot of time taking care of my family, especially once I graduated. There was a lot I wasn’t able to do. Travel, research, field work- hell, I even considered trying out for a big quidditch team. It all got put on the back burner.” You hated the small twinge of resentment that still pulled at your heart; you would never have turned your back on them, your small broken family, but it was just so hard. Hard to watch them deteriorate, unable to do a thing.
“Are you alright?” Earnest gently wrapped an arm around your shoulder. You realized your vision had become misty.
“Oh, yes- yeah I’m alright.” You took the mug he offered you and drank, clearing your throat. “Anyway, when Dumbledore reached out, offering to let me come back, I was ecstatic. I’d be able to do something, make something of myself. When I ended up in potions I knew things would be rough, but not like this.” You laughed bitterly. Your favorite form of magic was the thing you had wanted to avoid the most when you came back to Hogwarts.
“Listen [First Name], I know it's rough going but I believe in you.” He gave you a bright smile to match the vigor of his speech. “You’ve helped me and the other adjuncts since we got here- you're the only one of us who made it into seventh year potions. You’re smart, passionate, and you’ve got the ability; that’ll win out in the end. Just keep doing your best and I’m sure Snape will get bored and back off. Then when Dumbledore gets back you can figure something out.”
Earnest’s big hazel eyes shone with hopeful optimism. Looking into them, you could feel the younger wizards sincere concern, his honest compassion.
“Thank you Earnest. I appreciate it.”
He gave your shoulder another sympathetic squeeze, “You’re welcome, [First Name].” He finished his drink and grabbed his bag, “I should go, I promised Filius I’d help him with some lesson plan stuff. But maybe after, we could go down to Hogsmeade or something? Help get your mind off it?”
You smiled at his offer, but shook your head. “I’d love to, but Juniper needs my help in the greenhouses. Some new development with the hybrid plant she’s been working on all summer.”
Earnest nodded and turned to leave, then paused and looked back to you. He seemed a bit unsure and started slowly. “I know you don’t like to talk about your past too much, but if you want, I’m here for you. Whatever you need, okay?”
How could someone be so wonderfully sweet?
You thanked him again with a smile, then playfully shooed him off. That envious feeling flickered over you for a brief moment as you watched him walk out of the great hall.
The day was half done, and the unavoidable conflict was coming ever closer, you could feel it, like growing static waiting to spark a fire. And frankly, it bothered you.
Why should you be the one agonizing over what to say? It was all on Snape, he should be the one to find you and apologize like a damned adult! But no, instead you were wondering what you would say to regain some sort of normalcy, trying to convince yourself that it would be better to be the bigger person, yet again, so that you could just move on.
Please Professor, let's just bury the hatchet! Please Professor, I’m sick of all the fighting! Please Professor, stop being such an all-mighty twat and let me work in peace!
No. No more thinking about it– you wouldn't let thoughts of Snape get you angry and annoyed and ruin your day.
You polished off your tea and headed out. You had promised Juniper help with her work and that's just what you’d do– pour all of yourself in it and collapse for the night, with absolutely no time to think about anything else.