Love {James}
James Fleamont Potter bloody loved Lily Evans. There was not a doubt in his mind. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he knew- that was the woman he was going to marry one day. Of course, it was a bit quick for marriage, seeing as they were only eleven when they met, but still. One day, she would be his. He was already her’s, after all, so it was only fair.
It wasn’t that she was pretty or anything- mind you, she very much was, and he quite believed her to be the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on. But it was also who she was that drew him in, that made him know she was the one. It was hard, at first, to get to know her. She was prickly, a goody-goody who wanted nothing to do with him or his outcast friends. Except for Remus- she’d always liked Remus, and she got on decently with Peter sometimes. Remus got on well with everyone, and Peter was quite agreeable when he wanted to be. James was never jealous, though. She would come to love him back, in her own time.
He never tried to push too hard, or come off any stronger than was comfortable. Of course, he knew they were meant to be, but he figured she ought to have a say in it as well. It was her life, too, after all. If she didn’t want to spend it with someone she was always calling a childish tosser, that was her business. She would come around eventually, though. He felt it, in his chest. He always had a sixth sense for love. He felt it so strongly growing up, that he could practically see it in others. Hell, he’d noticed Remus and Sirius starting to love each other before either of them had even been close to realizing. Never had a problem with it, of course. He knew better than anyone: who you love is who you love, and there’s nothing more to it.
But, back to Lily. Eventually, he got to know her. It was from a distance, at first. Try as he might, she never quite let him close, never quite liked him enough to be his friend. But he saw, when she was with Remus or making polite conversation with Peter, or else hanging out with Mary and Marlene in the common room or halls. He saw through her prickly, goody-two-shoes facade. She was sweet, and loving, and very sensitive, though most people could’ve told you all that. He never asked other people what she was like- he liked seeing it for himself. He like when she let these little parts of herself out, allowed him to see her for who she was, bit by bit. More than anything else, she was brave, and loyal. Painfully so. She’d go to hell and back for her friends, even if it was her friends putting her through it. He’d seen more than enough of that with her and Snape, that slimey, no-good git. It pained him to see what Snivellus put her through. That was the only place he ever really allowed himself to overstep into her life, to force himself where he wasn’t wanted. He wanted so badly to protect her from Snape. The greasy little snake was so cruel, to everyone, not just Lily. Their sort of ‘feud’, if you could call it that, started the very first year they both came to Hogwarts.
James liked taking care of people, like his parents took care of him. His first thing at Hogwarts was to seek out the people who needed love the most, and he’d ended up with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. And he loved them dearly. He loved them like no other- save Lily, perhaps. But that was a special love, reserved only for her. The marauders had their own special love, too, but he did not have a limited supply. He loved everyone who needed it. He watched out for other kids, anyone who may fall victim to hate or bullying. And that, of course, is how he made enemies with Snape.
Snape was vile right from the beginning. He constantly mocked and hexed other kids, calling them awful words, never without someone bigger and stronger than him around. James felt the need to protect these kids, even if they were his own age, so he did. And Snape took that as a personal challenge, he supposed. James was never one to back down from a challenge. He only ever struck first when the marauders were in agreement, or if Snape had been particularly nasty, but the rest of the times he fought Snape were in self defense, or in defense of anyone being targeted by him. Lily, despite being his only friend, was often targeted by him. James supposed proximity and her ease at forgiving and forgetting made her an easy target. It made him sick to think about.
So that was where he overstepped his bounds. Protecting Lily, even if she hated him for it and couldn’t see the awful things Snape was doing. She could see, he knew, she just didn’t want to. That was okay. It was good that she was forgiving, he was a right sod half the time, anyways.
Loving Lily Evans took a lot of work and energy from James. He neglected his friends a bit, after a while, he knew, in that department. Peter grew a bit distant, a bit jealous. Sirius and Remus grew closer.
James Potter thought love was the most beautiful thing in the world, right up there next to Lily Evans. He also knew it was fragile, especially when new and fresh, especially with people who didn’t quite understand it, and especially when it was something forced to be hidden.
Remus started loving Sirius first. James could tell- he could always tell, with love. He didn’t think Remus would ever realize it, because Remus simply loved all of his friends. But the love Remus felt for Sirius was different. It was something new, something more magical than any spells, like the love he felt for Lily. It blossomed slowly, a lot like Remus himself, and James could feel it grow. He couldn’t feel the sorrow that accompanied it as Remus grew closer to realizing, but he knew it was there. Love hurt, a lot. He also knew that better than anyone. But Remus was in a love that he couldn’t have, even if it was returned, so he supposed they knew pain equally.
Remus was fully aware of the love before Sirius’ even started. James liked it, being so close to his friends, being so in touch with how they felt that way. But it was awful to watch Remus suffer, draw into himself. He worried that Remus thought his love was wrong. No love was ever wrong, James wanted to tell him. Love is beautiful and pure, no matter who it’s for or from. Even if you’re both blokes. But that wasn’t something that really came up in casual conversation, and James had at least a bit of tact. It also would have been mortifying if James was wrong- but he knew he wasn’t.
When Sirius fell in love, it was like a fireball. Quick, sudden, and dangerous, just like Sirius himself. But also warm, lingering, almost thoughtful. If Remus treated all love freely except his love with Sirius, then Sirius did the exact opposite. He dove into his love, let it consume him completely. He had been afraid, James knew. But he could talk to Sirius more freely than he could Remus. Sirius confided in him, and they were close. Not as close as Sirius and Remus, anymore. Close in a different way. They were best friends, before anyone else, even before Lily and Remus. Remus was a lot more willing of a best friend to them than Lily, though.
Sirius didn’t understand his love, at first. He was scared of it. He told James as much. He’d never known real love, not like this. And wasn’t love not supposed to be like this? Ought he have been in love with a girl, instead of a bloke? Sirius just couldn’t wrap his head around it, two blokes together. It wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t right, he had been told, but they both knew he had been told lots of wrong things.
James was patient with him. He was kind and careful, and above all, he was loving. Not the love like Sirius and Remus shared, or like he and Lily would one day have, but the kind of love you needed from a friend. He helped Sirius understand that there was nothing wrong with him, that you just couldn’t help love. It did what it wanted. Like with him and Lily. Sirius, though placated about his own love, feared Remus’. He didn’t know what it was like to have such a powerful, unconditional sort of love. That was the exact kind of love James had given him, though. Not quite the same, but strong, unconditional, shameless, limitless. Sirius was hard to love, but so easy to fall in love with. Though James knew Lily was the only person for him, only one there ever would be, the love he felt for his friends was so strong and deep that it may as well have been the same.
“Friendship,” James had said to him one night, “is the most powerful love of all. ‘Cause friendship doesn’t expect anything of you but to return it. No matter what, You and Rem will always be friends. And I will always be here for you.”
Sirius had called him a soppy git after that one, but he could tell it made him feel a million times better.
Remus never came to James. Remus was one to figure out problems on his own, or with a bit of help with Sirius. This wasn’t a problem he could go to Sirius for. It hurt seeing Remus suffer. It hurt that he couldn’t help more, couldn’t interfere with love.
Eventually, it happened, though. The two came together. He didn’t know how, right away, but he caught on fast, even as they tried to hide it. It was good for everyone- their friends were tired of all the uncomfortable tension and fleeting glances, and the like. It was nice that they'd finally gotten together.
There was nothing in the world James loved more than love. Except, Lily Evans.
His endless attempts to woo her would stay just that- endless. Until he won her over, at least. He would try as long as he could, without being a creeper, without violating her privacy or respect or autonomy. Because loving someone was never meant to be selfish. Loving someone meant giving yourself to them, regardless of whether or not they were going to offer anything back. He’d given himself to Lily long ago. James Potter was patient, as he was loving. One day, Lily would return the favor, and give herself to him. Or perhaps it was not to be, and she would simply return him to himself- not without keeping a piece, though. Love always left bits and pieces here and there. He saw parts of himself in Sirius, and Remus, and Peter, and he saw them in each other. Lily would always have the biggest part of him, though. She would always have his heart, and he would never, ever be willing to take it back. That was hers, no matter what. Even if he had to go on without it.
But he knew he wouldn’t. He’d marry Lily one day, he swore it. Every time that flash of red hair caught his eye, like a warning flag, his heart would pound, and he would always grin and shout after her.
“Oi, Evans!”