Begin Again

 March  2024

Calliope Rose Swift stood in front of the Kansas City home where her older sister now lived with her boyfriend Travis, having just knocked. It had been almost a year since Callie had been able to come to visit her sister or any of her family for that matter because she had been working a lot for the past year which didn’t allow much time to come out and visit. 

For the last year, she had watched her families live and move forward through the fluorescent light of her phone screen. She watched as her older sister managed to break records with her music once again, she watched as her sister went through a breakup and then moved on to find someone who truly appreciated her for who she was. She watched as her older brother found a girlfriend and continued to flourish in his career. She had watched as her Twin brother had begun to enter his final year of college and in a few short months would end up graduating, she also knew that he had also begun a relationship as well.  They were all moving forward and growing up. But Callie felt as though she was stuck and wasn’t able to move forward in the same way that her sister and brother were able to. 

“Callie!” Taylor exclaimed excitedly as she opened the door to see her little sister standing there. Taylor’s voice made Callie jump out of surprise.

“Hi Tay,” Callie smiled softly, her smile growing even more when her sister pulled her into a tight hug. "Is everyone already here?"

"Sydney and Austin are still on their way, Travis is here and so are Mom, Dad and Cohan," Taylor explained as they walked through the house and out to the backyard, Calliope could hear the little voices of little children and she could also hear people laugh, she could also hear her mom and dad talking to who she assumed was Travis. “Travis’s family are also here as well, they arrived yesterday at the same time as Mom and Dad. Trav’s parents, Donna and Ed, and his brother, Jason, his sister-in-law, Kylie, and their three little girls, Wyatt, Elliotte and Bennett.”

As soon as she made it outside with Taylor, having left her bag in the hallway after some reassurance that it was okay, Callie took in the sight of her parents and twin brother talking to who she assumed was Travis’s parents as well as another woman- Callie assumed that that must be Kylie. She then noticed that two men were chasing after three little girls, one of whom Callie knew to be Travis, leading the blonde to work out that the other man was Jason and the three little girls were his daughters. 

“Callie’s here,” Taylor stated to the group, Andrea and Scott both immediately stood up to go and say hello to their youngest daughter.

“Hi, Callie.” Andrea smiled, wrapping the Twenty-Three-Year-Old in the type of hug only a mother could give.

“Hi Mom,” Calliope smiled, leaning into the embrace having missed the hugs that she would get from her mom. Her dad was the next to wrap her up in a hug holding his youngest tight for a moment, just happy to see her after a year of her being away. 

Cohan then walked forward and smiled at his twin sister before pulling her into a quick hug and then letting go. Calliope and Cohan were never really the type to hug one another, but there was an element of missing the other after not having seen one another properly for a year, so the one-off hug felt appropriate for today. 

“It’s good to see you, Callie.” Cohan smiled. “It's good to have you home with us.” 

“It feels good to be home, at least for a little bit” Callie replied, a smile on her face that felt rather forced. 

While Calliope had been gone for the past year, it didn't mean she was completely absent in her family’s lives, she had made it a point to call every night - even if some nights it was only for five minutes to say goodnight to her mom or dad - but she never wanted to be absent in their lives. If she could be there in whatever way she possibly could she would be. Over the past year, she had been sent countless videos of her family from various occasions, and she made sure to watch all of them and ensure that she always asked about whatever it was they were doing or to congratulate them on whatever they had achieved.

After a good fifteen minutes of hugs with her parents and just a quick catch-up, Callie made it more into the backyard smiling as a greeting to the new people that were in the backyard. Travis’s family all gave welcoming smiles in return.

Callie had been anxious about this meeting for the past three months, ever since it was originally planned and scheduled. This would be the first time that Calliope and Travis would meet formally. Yes, she had spoken over the phone or in FaceTime with Taylor and in turn, Travis who was more than happy to pop in and say hello a few times in the past several months, but something about this meeting was terrifying to the 23-year-old.

Donna Kelce was the first of Travis’s family to formally greet her, Callie could feel herself relaxing slightly into the situation just a bit more from their welcoming presence. Ed and Kylie were the next to introduce themselves, and the three members of the Kelce family expressed that they had heard nothing but good things from Taylor and her parents, brothers, and even Travis. Callie had sat down next to her mom, Taylor sitting on her other side, the youngest Swift having pulled her legs up and curled into her mom's side just wanting to be held by her mom for a little bit. Everyone seemed to go back to their original conversations letting Callie settle in for a little bit longer.

“We’ve missed you Callie-bug,” Andrea whispered, making tears well up in Callie’s eyes. Ever since she moved to London for work and began living there full time she realised how much she needed her family, how much she needed and wanted their opinions on things, how much she truly hated living halfway across the world even if it was for a job that she adored.

“I’ve missed you all too Mom,” Callie whispered back. 

It was five minutes later when Callie sat up and began to properly observe the group of people she was with. She watched the way the three little girls played with their father and Uncle, all three children letting out loud giggles as soon as they were caught by one of the men. She then watched the way that Taylor, Cohan and her parents interacted with Travis’s family, the way that they all seemed to fit in with one another and the way that they all seemed to get along perfectly.

Callie watched Taylor for a moment watching the way that her older sister watched her boyfriend. The way that Taylor smiled watching him, was a look that Callie had never seen before. Callie had seen her sister in relationships but the way that she was looking at Travis was completely different from anything that she had ever seen before. Ever since they were young Callie and Taylor had a close relationship, both of them seeming to understand one another in a way that no one else did. It didn’t matter that there was an eleven-year age gap between the two sisters, the closeness had always been there. Callie could recount several occasions when she was younger when she probably should have called her mom or dad, but instead, she called Taylor, knowing that there would be a lot less judgment from her than there would be from their parents. 

"You know you're never allowed to leave again right?" Taylor whispered to her younger sister, breaking her out of her thoughts. Taylor knew full well that Calliope would eventually leave once more because she was now old enough to have her own life and to build her own home, only the place where she decided to build it was halfway across the world, away from her family and friends. 

"I know," Callie muttered back, playing along with the game that her sister had started, she too knowing that she would eventually have to go back to the new place that she called home. 

The two swift sisters smiled at one another, the younger of the two looking back over at Travis, the man gave a smile to both Taylor and Callie, the man now having the youngest and the oldest of his nieces on his hip. It was evident to the entire group that this meeting was overwhelming for Callie, having not been around her family and Travis’s family as well. She felt as though she was being thrown in at the deep end; not that she would ever say that out loud. 

Travis began to make his way over to the two families, Travis sending a reassuring smile to Callie seeing that Callie was looking overwhelmed slightly. Callie found comfort in the simple gesture from the man, Taylor could see that Callie wasn’t going to start the interaction on her own and she also knew that Travis wasn’t going to come over and talk to Callie if he could see that she was overwhelmed or uncomfortable. So Taylor took her little sister by the hand and brought her over to Travis, who was now only holding a tired Bennett in his arms. 

“Cal, this is my boyfriend, Travis, Trav this is my little sister Calliope.” Tay lor said before moving away, wanting the two of them to get to know and meet one another formally on their own. 

Both Travis and Calliope let out a laugh at the blonde’s antics, both of them finding that she did help to break the ice.

“It’s nice to meet you Calliope, Taylor and the rest of your family all speak very highly of you,” Travis smiled at the younger woman. He spoke in a way that exuded kindness and compassion, in a way that seemed so genuine and gave Callie a sense of comfort in a way that she had never felt around any of her sister's boyfriends before. 

“It's a pleasure to formally meet you too Travis. Oh, and please call me Callie. No one ever calls me Calliope unless I am working.” 

Travis gave a nod of confirmation showing that he understood what Callie had expressed to him and he was going to make sure that the younger blonde felt comfortable. 

Travis was about to speak but was quickly interrupted by Wyatt, who came running over to both Callie and Travis.

“Uncle Trav!” Wyatt exclaimed, her attention suddenly changing to the woman she had never met before and then back to her uncle again. “Uncle Trav, who is that?” 

“Wy, this is Callie. Taylor’s little sister.” Travis Explained, “Callie, this is Wyatt, Kylie and Jason’s oldest daughter.”

Wyatt took Callie in for a moment before she began to speak. 

“You’re Taylor’s sister? The one who lived in England?” Wyatt asked in a way that was only able to be asked by a young child. 

“Yeah I am, it is nice to meet you, Wyatt. Taylor has told me a lot about you.” Callie smiled. Callie much like her sister loved being around children, she seemed to be someone that children naturally gravitated towards. 

“Are you gonna stay here now?” The question was so innocent coming from the little girl, something that Callie hadn’t expected to be asked. Callie was doing everything in her power to keep herself composed, but being asked that question by a child that she had only just met seemed to strike a chord with her. The blonde 23-year-old knew that Travis could see through the mask that she had put on. She knew that the question was going to pop up at some point, whether it was from her parents, one of her siblings or even from this little girl in front of her, but it wasn’t any easier to hear or respond to the little girl. How was she supposed to explain to the five that she wasn’t going to be able to stay, that she had a job halfway across the world where she had to be, even though being in London didn’t feel like home any more? 

“I am just coming to visit Wyatt. I am going to have to go back home to my home in a few days, but maybe I can come back and see you all again soon.” Callie spoke softly. Just before Callie was able to continue, Wyatt cut her off with yet another question. 

“Could we come and see you with Auntie Tay and Uncle Trav?” Wyatt asked excitedly, “And you can show us where you live?”

Calliope laughed, smiling at the little girl.

“I would love that, maybe one day you can all come and visit with Travis and Taylor. I could show you some of my favourite places.” 

“That would be so much fun!” Wyatt exclaimed before running off leaving Callie and Travis back on their own. 

“You didn’t have to do that you know,” Travis said with a smile on his face, the way he said the simple phrase was kind but the wording made a pit form in Callie’s stomach. 

“Sorry,” Callie murmured, not sure if an apology was what Travis wanted or not. But it was the safest option given the circumstances. 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for Callie,” Travis said, confusion lingering in his voice. “I just meant that you didn’t have to offer that. Wyatt would have dropped it within a few minutes, she is just excited that someone new is here. Tay was also telling Wy and Ellie about you yesterday when they arrived.” 

“Oh. I mean it would be nice to have you guys come to visit. It gets a bit lonely now in London since I moved back.” Callie replied, looking over at her family and the way that they interacted with Travis’s own. If Callie was being completely honest with herself she felt a little out of place. 

_____________________________________

It was half an hour later when Austin and Sydney arrived at Taylor and Travis’s home. Both Sydney and Austin were excited to see Callie after not having seen her for a year. 

“I’ve missed you Cal,” Austin smiled, hugging his little sister, before letting go and letting Sydney hug the younger girl. 

There was an eight-year age gap between the brother and sister, so they were closer in age compared to that of Calliope and Taylor; however, at times it felt like there was a much bigger age gap than there truly was. 

Callie for the longest time had felt as though there was such a big difference in age between her and her siblings. There was an eleven and eight-year age gap between her and her siblings respectively and then there was her twin brother as well, but she felt as though she was so much further behind than her siblings and where they were when they were twenty-three. Taylor had released four studio albums and had been on tours for most of them as well by the time she had reached 23. Austin had graduated from college, worked as an actor and now was taking a shot within the producing world. And then there was Cohan, who was not only at the top of his class in college but also on a soccer scholarship at NYU. It just seemed like they were 20 steps ahead of where Callie seemed to be finding herself. Callie felt as though there was nothing she could do to catch up with her siblings. Even with her siblings' partners, it felt as though there was such a big gap between where she was and where they were. It was hard not to compare yourself to others when it seemed like there were so many others doing better than you were. 

Callie ended up excusing herself needing a little time away from everything going on outside, needing a moment to breathe away from the noise outside. The blonde wandered into the kitchen and tried to find the bathroom. The younger woman's head was spinning, there was so much going on outside that it was all becoming a bit too much for the younger woman.

“Callie?” A voice said from behind the younger blonde. 

The young woman flinched from the sudden appearance of the voice but then turned around to be faced with Kylie, Travis’s sister-in-law. She seemed nice from what Callie could gather from sitting outside and observing her with both of the families that were outside, she cared not only about her family but also seemed to be happily embracing Callie’s family too. The younger blonde could also tell that Kylie was an incredible mother as well, knowing that just from the way that the three little girls interacted with their mother after they decided to take a rest from the game they were all playing with their dad and their uncle. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump,” Kylie said sincerely, taking note of the way that she accidentally made Calliope flinch. 

“Oh… um… it's okay.” Callie managed to stutter out, her cheeks flushing crimson. 

“Are you okay, you look like you are looking for something?” Kylie could see the panicked and stressed-out look on the twenty-three-year-old’s face, but she wasn’t about to admit to the younger woman.

“Just the bathroom,” Callie replied, keeping her replies short, feeling like her chest was getting tighter the longer she could hear the noise from outside. 

“Just down that hallway, it is the first door on your left.” 

Callie whispered a quick ‘thank you’ before making her way to the bathroom. She shut the door behind her and locked it before sliding down against the door. Tears welled up in Calliope’s eyes all of her anxiety and nerves coming to the front of her mind and taking over. It had been so long since she had been home that she was starting to feel like she didn’t quite know where she fit, which wasn’t helped by the fact that she was trying to make herself fit in with Travis’s family as well as her own. 

Tears continued to fall on Callie’s face, her chest feeling as though it was going to cave in the longer she was sitting there with tears running down her face. She wanted her mom or her sister, but she couldn’t find a way to go and get one of them, she had left her phone outside so she couldn’t call one of them. The longer she sat there the more her chest began to hurt, Callie wouldn’t ever regret coming home but she did wish she had thought through more of what this week was going to look like. 

A knock on the door broke through Callie’s hazy panicked-filled brain, and then a voice came through the other side of the door. 

“Cal, are you okay?” The voice said from the other side of the door. “You’ve been a while, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

Callie managed to gather up enough strength to open the door to see her big sister standing in front of her. It was at that point Callie let out a panicked sob, her body completely letting all of the panic, insecurity and anxiousness take over. Taylor was quick to wrap her little sister up in a hug knowing that it was something that would always help when they were younger and Callie would spiral. 

Taylor's mind wandered while she held Callie and was helping her to calm down. The older blonde wondered how many attacks Callie must have been through in the last year, while she had been away from home. Taylor hated to imagine the number of times that Callie would have had to shut herself away while at work or home trying to fight off a panic attack. Callie had always had anxiety issues and in turn panic attacks, but from what Taylor knew she had always had someone by her side helping to manage them while she was home. So who was there helping her with the panic attacks now that she was halfway across the world?  The more Taylor’s brain began to spin the more she began to realise that she didn’t know much about Callie’s life now that she was almost always living in London. That she hadn’t been paying all that much attention since Callie had left five years ago. The youngest of the Swifts moved to London for an Acting job which seemed to be one of the most incredible things for her, but with that came a distance that Taylor was only just now realising. 

It was another twenty minutes before Callie had calmed down almost completely, and Taylor could see just how much it had taken out of her, so once Callie was ready the two blondes began to make their way upstairs; the older of the two guiding the younger to the spare bedroom that would be hers for the next week.

Once the exhausted twenty three year old was laying down on the bed, Taylor laid next to her not saying a word just offering her support to her little sister. Taylor’s brain continued to run, wonder just how many signs she had missed. How many signs had Callie sent out to her, their brothers, their parents; giving any indication that she wasn’t okay. How many times had they missed it? Had they been letting her suffer on her own, leaving her to fend for herself? There were so many questions that Taylor herself didn’t have the answers to.

“Tay…” Callie whispered, her voice shaking with exhaustion. 

“Yeah Cal?” Taylor replied, looking at her younger sister. 

“I’m really tired.” The girls voice was still just as quiet as before but wasn't shaking as much as before.

“Why don’t I leave you to sleep then, Sunny?” Taylor offered, knowing that rest was often the best thing to help Callie recuperate after a panic attack. A sigh came from Callie and she gave a small nod, Taylor sat up and placed a kiss on the top of her sisters head before making her way out the bedroom. “We will be down stairs when you wake up okay?”

Callie just gave another nod and watched as Taylor walked out of the door and shut it behind her. 

“I’m not that kind of tired, Tay…” Callie whispered to herself, wishing she was able to just tell her sister that in the first place. 

_________________________________________

Taylor made her way back downstairs, finding that everyone had moved to be in the kitchen apart from the three Kelce girls, who were asleep on couch in the living room. Andrea smiled seeing her oldest daughter, but her brow soon knitted together when she didn’t see her youngest. 

“Where is Callie?” The mother asked, looking to her oldest for an answer. 

“She needed to sleep, her flight and the time zone difference took a lot out of her, she is just resting upstairs in her room.” Taylor said softly, looking at her mother bending the truth slightly.