Begin Again

Callie woke up almost three hours later, she could hear muttering coming from downstairs, and she could hear people laughing and talking to one another. They all sounded really happy together, the insecurities that seemed to disappear when she fell asleep a few hours ago seemed to be coming flooding back to the front of Callie’s mind. Did they need her here? Would it have been better off if she had not come back to visit? The twenty-three-year-old was starting to feel like she didn’t truly belong with the people around her. 

A small ping from her phone broke the spiral that Callie was starting to go down. The girl opened her phone and a smile appeared on her face, a message from a friend back in London appeared on her screen. She had only been gone a day and was already missing the place she had called home for the past five years.  Callie clicked on the contact number and let it ring for a few sentences before she heard the subtle change letting Callie know the call had connected. 

“Hi Cal,” The voice came through, their voice soft making Callie smile.

“Hi ‘Malia” Callie replied to the voice of her best friend whom she had met a few years ago which at times felt like a lifetime ago. 

Amalia Rossi was one of the first people that Calliope Swift met when she first moved to London. Amalia was a year older than Callie, but the relationship between the two girls was as close as ever. Callie had been eighteen when she moved to London, something that was a terrifying leap of faith that would then become one of the best things she could have done for herself. For most of Callie’s life, she had been in the eye of the public, she had heard and seen the extent that the public would go to to get even a tiny sliver of an insight into her family lives, it wasn’t anything new, it had been that way since Callie was six. It was normal. It was her first day at work when Callie met Amalia, both girls seeming to find their footing together. 

“What’s it like being home? Has everything gone okay?” Amalia asked, concern for her friend clear in her voice, Amalia knew just how anxious Callie was about going home and had promised to be in contact with Callie just to check-in.

“I didn’t realise that Travis’s family was going to be here… They’re all nice but-” Callie stated, playing with her sleeves, a nervous habit that Callie had since she was really little.

“But it wasn’t what you were expecting when you left to go home for the week?” Amalia replied, knowing that Callie was probably thrown off by not being told that Travis’s family were at the house as well as her own. 

“I can’t complain about it though Mallie, it is his and Tay’s home and they can have whomever they want over whenever they want to, but it would have been nice to have a bit of a heads up that they were here before I came through.” 

“Would you have actually gone if you knew that they were going to be there?” Amalia countered, knowing her friend well enough to know she would not have gone if she had known that piece of information before. “Because I think we both know the answer to that Cal.” 

“Ugh… I don’t like that you are right.” Calliope responded, she knew that she would have to go down eventually but for right now she was more than happy to be talking to Amalia on the other end of the phone. “What do I do ‘Malia?”

“You are going to stay on the phone with me for as long as you need to, and then when you are ready you are going to hang up the phone and go downstairs and join your family and have some fun and just catch up with them and get to know your sister’s boyfriend and his family. And then when you all have dinner you are going to make sure that you eat something, you need to make sure you eat something Cal, and then when you are ready you are going to go to bed. If you need to I am always on the other end of the phone, it doesn’t matter what time it is, okay?” 

“Okay. Thank you ‘Malia, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

The pair continued talking for another thirty minutes before Callie felt as though it was time for her to go back downstairs. Callie made a quick stop at the bathroom and wiped away some of her make-up that had smudged, she soon made her way downstairs, the noise from both families filling the room where they were sitting. Callie stood on the threshold of the doorway just watching the way the group interacted with one another. After standing there for a few minutes just observing the people in the room, she felt a tug on her pants leg, Callie looked down to see the youngest of  Kylie and Jason’s daughters, the little girl raised her arms up to the blonde showing that she wanted to be picked up. Callie was happy to oblige, she carried the little girl into the room, the baby curling up in the embrace of Callie. 

Travis was the first to notice Bennett and Calliope together, he smiled seeing his niece and Taylor’s younger sister together. The football player knew only what he had been told by Taylor, Her parents and occasionally Austin and Cohan. He knew that Callie was quiet and was the type to observe more than she was likely to join in on a conversation. He knew that Callie, in a very similar way to Taylor, was musical and was able to play multiple instruments as well as sing, but from what Taylor had relayed to him it was damn well near impossible to get the young woman to sing anymore. He knew that Callie was an actor, that she had worked on a few big projects but she also loved working on smaller less well-known projects. After the first time Taylor had mentioned that to him, Travis had gone out of his way to find the smaller projects that she had worked on. But there was still a lot that he didn’t know about the younger woman, but he supposed that it would all come in time. 

Andrea smiled also taking note of the fact that Callie had come down to join them after her nap, she waved her over, and the young woman made her way over and settled in between her mom and dad, just listening in to the conversation with Bennett now cuddled up on her lap having refused to go to her mom or dad when Callie had originally tried passing her over. The conversation continued to flow, and Callie started to feel a bit more settled having spoken to Amalia. However, after a while, the conversation switched to Callie being the front of the conversation.

“Callie, your mom and Taylor were telling us that you live in London?” Donna said, giving the girl a warm smile that reminded Callie of her mom’s smile. It was warm and kind, something that Callie found comforting. 

“Oh, yeah,” Callie smiled thinking of the place she had called home for the past five years. “I’ve been living there since I was eighteen.”

“Do you enjoy living in the UK?” Travis asked, joining in on the conversation, 

A wider smile appeared on Callie’s face the more she thought about the place that she called home. But behind the smile, there were a lot of other emotions, there were a lot of feelings as well as happiness that came with her move to London. If Callie was going to be completely honest with herself, there were a lot of times when she felt lonely while living in England, that it wasn’t quite like being at the home that she had grown up in Nashville with Taylor, Austin, Cohan and her parents. 

“I really love it. It is different from Nashville, Atlanta or LA but it has started to become home. I live with a few friends in a house currently, but two of us are currently looking at moving out but nothing is set in stone yet.” Callie explained while playing with Bennett. 

“Do you still live with Amalia?” Cohan asked,  having been to visit his twin sister last summer and met the three others that Callie lived with including Amalia. Five people lived in the house including Callie, the blonde had met most of her housemates through Amalia which worked well for Callie. 

When Callie first moved to London she rented a flat on her own, but after meeting Amalia and getting to know her was given the offer to move in with Amalia and three of her friends. Delilah, Kit, Theo, Amalia and Callie all found their footing together. All of the roommates got along well but they were all getting to the point where they were ready to live on their own.

“Yeah, Mallie still lives with me, the only person that you haven’t met is Kit, she was away when you came to visit. She is Delilah’s younger sister, she is studying at the moment, pre-med like you.” Callie explained. The blonde smirked knowing that Cohan wasn’t dating anyone and the girl had tried setting him up with people before, however, Cohan never really seemed to take the hint. 

Taylor stifled a laugh, as she caught on to what Callie was doing, she had watched this many times before. The youngest Swift sent a playful glare to her older sister, it was clear that Callie was just messing with her brother which everyone seemed to pick up on but him. 

The evening went on, Callie following Taylor and her mom into the kitchen to help make dinner for the two families. While she was helping to make dinner she realised just how much she had missed this, she missed the days when everyone was home, she missed the nights when she and Taylor would stay up until 4 am playing guitar or piano just writing together. She missed the days when either her mom or Dad would take her up to school when both Callie and Cohan would argue over what music would be played in the car on the way to school. She missed the days when she would come home from school and her big brother would help her with her homework before they would go into the living room and watch whatever movie they wanted together. To Callie despite everything it felt like she could do whatever she wanted in life, she could go wherever she wanted but the one place she wanted to be, she couldn’t go back to.

When everyone sat around the table the same feeling of being an outsider from earlier came back in full force. It was this strange yo-yo effect that seemed to be happening, one moment Callie would be feeling like she was fitting in and then the next she would feel like she was looking in on the people she was going to be spending the next week with. 

While they were sat eating Travis noticed the faraway look in Callie’s eyes, one that he had seen in Taylor a handful of times before. Taylor had said that they had always been similar, that their mom had always made the joke that she had just had two of the same child eleven years apart, but Travis was starting to see a lot of the same behaviours that Taylor had in the younger blonde. 

However, Travis wasn’t the only one to take note of the far-off behaviour from Callie, Taylor had begun to pick up on it too. Callie had always been on the quieter side but the way she was currently, that was a different type of quiet. It is the type of quiet that is scary, this wasn’t her little sister. This was a shell of the girl that she had seen a year ago when she last visited Calliope. Taylor knew better than to confront Callie in front of everyone else, firstly Taylor knew that it would have been rude, but she also knew that it would just cause Callie to shut down more, which wouldn’t do anyone, especially not Callie, any good. 

As dinner drew to an end, Taylor and Travis cleared the table, everyone else moving away to do their own thing. Kylie and Jason began to round up their three girls to start the process of getting them ready for bed. Austin, Sydney, Cohan and both sets of parents went back into the living room while Callie needed time away from everyone else. Taylor had taken note of the fact that Callie went off in a different direction to the rest of her family, and knew that she was going to go and check in with her once she had finished doing the dishes with Travis. 

Taylor had brought over the last few plates to Travis when he turned to her giving her a small smile. He could see the worry on Taylor’s face, he knew that there was something about Callie that was worrying his girlfriend, and if he was being completely honest with himself he was worried about Callie as well. 

“I will finish up here baby. Why don’t you go and check on Callie.” Travis said softly, looking at Taylor knowing full well that she wanted to go and check in with Callie. 

“Are you sure?” Taylor asked, looking up at Travis. 

“Go check on your sister Tay, I can see that you want to check on her,” Travis said while gently nudging Taylor out of the kitchen. 

Taylor whispered a quiet thank you before walking down the hallway to find the door of the Music room cracked open and the gentle sounds of the piano being played, it was then Taylor knew exactly where Callie was. The singer quietly walked into the room and stood by the door just watching Callie play the piano for a little while. She watched as Callie played, just watching Callie reminded Taylor of what Callie used to be like when she would come home from tour. 

Taylor remembered the days when she would come home from tour after having been away for a while, and she would find Callie at the piano at their house just sitting and playing whatever came to mind. The older Swift girl would go and sit next to her younger sister a just listen until Callie noticed that she was there. From there the girls would write together or just play whatever songs they wanted, they would sing whatever they wanted without any fear of judgment from anyone else. 

“I know you're there Tay,” Callie mumbled, never once stopping playing the song that she was currently playing.

Taylor let out a small laugh before closing the door behind her and moving to sit next to Callie on the piano stool. Taylor listened as Callie played a bit longer, watching the way her fingers glided over the piano keys, pretty soon Taylor started to hum along, and pretty soon lyrics started to flow from both Taylor and Callie. The pair pretty soon had a fully written song, Taylor had recorded a video of the song knowing that one day it may become something more than just a song written between her and her sister. 

“I’ve missed this,” Taylor said quietly to her sister, the pair having moved to sitting on the floor, Taylor now having a guitar on her lap, playing softly as she spoke. “We’ve all missed having you around Cal.”

Callie looked down at her hands, picking at her cuticles, unsure how to react. 

“Are you really doing okay in London? Like really doing okay?” Taylor asked, wanting to know a bit more about her sister’s life in London, or at least a little bit more than she already did. 

“Yeah, I'm doing okay,” Callie replied not giving up much more information, only causing Taylor to let out a sigh. “I might be looking at moving back though,” 

“Really?” Taylor asked if this was new information to her. Taylor had no clue that Callie was even considering moving back, she knew that Callie had been back for a few months last January, however from what Taylor knew that was only for work and then she had moved back to England as soon as she wrapped on that acting project. 

“I mean, ‘Ted Lasso’ has finished filming so I’m not working in London as much any more, and I mean it is cheaper to travel from state to state than it is travelling from London to the US. It just makes a bit more sense.” 

“You said earlier that you and someone else were going to move out from the house that you share, who else is moving out?” 

“Amalia, she is moving to Atlanta for a project.”

“If you move back where do you think you will move?” Taylor asked, trying to gauge where her sister would be if she did move back home. 

“New York, LA, or Atlanta probably, they make the most sense logically for work. If I move to New York I will be closer to you and Cohan, in LA I would be closer to Austin and then to Atlanta, I would still have ‘Malia there with me and then I would also only be a few hours away from Mom and Dad. So I mean I would be closer to someone. It is just a lot to kind of think about at the moment.” 

Taylor gave a nod of acknowledgement, she knew just how hard being away from your family was, and she knew what it was like to miss home. So she could empathise with Callie, and if Taylor was being honest she would love to have Callie back in the US, she missed having her sister. 

“Whatever you decide you want to do, I will be here to support you.” Taylor expressed softly, “But why didn’t you say that you were thinking about moving back to the US earlier?” 

“Because I didn’t want to get anyone's hopes up. I don’t want to say I am going to do something and then plans change. It wouldn’t be fair on anyone else.”