Misunderstandings
A few days later, Remus had been peacefully cleaning the kitchen and humming a few songs to himself when suddenly a pair of arms attacked him from behind.
“Boo!” Lily shouted at his ear while she tickled his sides, and he almost jumped out of his skin.
“Jesus, Lily! You need to stop scaring me like that!”
She let out a full laugh at his distraught face and hugged him quickly, “No way, it’s too funny.”
He huffed and shoved her jokingly, “Stop being mean and help me clean this, Miss Evans.”
“Your wish is a command, Mister Lupin.”
As they worked, Remus couldn’t help but notice that Lily’s radiant smile refused to leave her face even as they cleaned the dirtiest parts of the kitchen, and her eyes were shinning more brightly than usual.
“I guess someone is in a good mood,” he sang next to her, not missing the blush that spread through her cheeks, “How is James, by the way, that guy you hate so much?”
“Oh, sod off, Lupin!”
“No way, it’s too funny,” he answered her with a playful smirk.
“Haha, Remus, you are hilarious,” Lily rolled her eyes at him but it was obvious that she was trying her hardest not to laugh.
“I know I am, thank you very much. But seriously now, how are things going with James?”
Lily’s face instantly gained a dreamy look and her eyes unfocused, as if she was lost in the depths of her mind.
“He is so great. It’s incredible how much he’d changed since we first met, he is so much more mature now. We talked a lot after I kissed him last week, and we spent a lot of time together. I think...I think I really love him, Rem.”
Remus smiled widely at his friend. She had been so terrified when they were under the attack, afraid that she would never be able to tell James how she really felt. Seeing her happy like this meant everything to him.
“I am so happy for you, Lily. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”
The look Lily gave him after he said that, although it was filled with love and gratitude, also made it clear what she wanted to ask him.
Lily had been suspecting that Remus also loved someone since his feelings had started, even if she didn’t know that it was to Sirius that his heart belonged to.
However, she didn’t say anything about that, much to Remus’ relief. She just reached her hand and grabbed his, giving it a firm squeeze.
“You do too, Remus. Don’t forget that.”
They both dropped the subject and continued chatting and making fun of each other for a few minutes, sometimes laughing so hard that the rest of the staff would even throw them annoyed looks as they worked.
However, they both went quiet as the door was suddenly burst opened and no one other than Minerva stepped into the kitchen, followed closely by a short, chubby man.
“Good morning, everyone,” she greeted them politely and then gestured to the figure behind her, “This is Mister Pettigrew. He arrived at the palace today and will begin working here with you. I expect you all give him a warm welcome and help him through any difficulties.”
Minerva stepped aside so he could go forward and then turned to him.
“Good luck, Mister Pettigrew,” she went through the door again and left the kitchen without another word.
Remus watched as the man looked around the room, clearly lost, and immediately went over to him, offering a friendly hand.
“Hi, I am Remus. It’s nice to meet you.”
Pettigrew carefully looked at his extended hand, as if he didn’t really know what to do with it, and then lifted his head to look at him.
They stared at each other for only a few seconds before the man’s lips curved into a smile and he took Remus’ hand in a firm handshake.
“It’s really nice to meet you, Remus. I am Peter.”
Just as he introduced himself, Remus heard Lily approaching him from behind and she also extended a hand to Peter, who quickly accepted it.
“Hi, Peter, I am Lily,” she smiled gently at him and gestured around them, “This is your home now, so I hope you feel very welcomed. If you need anything, me and this guy here will be glad to help you.”
“I appreciate it a lot, Lily, Remus.”
“So, Peter,” Lily continued, and Remus realized she was trying to make him feel more comfortable around them already, “Why did you decide to come work here? Do you live nearby?”
“Oh yes, I live in a small house not too far from here. I was in need of a new job, so I decided to see if the royal family was looking for more employees, with The Selection and all.”
The three of them chatted for a bit before making their way to the back of the kitchen. Remus and Lily were just about to start teaching Peter some of the most important rules when the clock sounded 11AM.
“Lily, I almost forgot,” Remus quickly took of his apron and placed it on one of the small hooks on the wall, “I have to make today’s round through the bedrooms, see if the selected women need anything.”
“It’s okay, Rem,” she immediately reassured him, “You go and I will show Peter here some stuff.”
Remus nodded and kissed her lightly on the cheek, said goodbye to Peter and left the kitchen in a hurry.
Once he got to the third floor, he knocked on the first door and waited for a while, but no one answered. By that point, all the women knew that a servant would always knock on their door sometime around 11, so some of them simply ignored the knocks when they didn’t need anything.
After making sure that no one would come, Remus moved on to the rest of the corridor. However, just as he made the turn to the next one, the sight in front of him made him stop dead in his tracks.
Sirius was there. And he was kissing someone else. His right hand was placed on the woman’s left arm, while both of her hands rested firmly on his shoulders.
Remus’ mind vaguely redid the talk they had had a few days earlier at the clearing, as they sat only centimeters away from each other, sharing the same air and being illuminated by the stars, like they were the only two people that mattered in the whole world.
‘You didn’t kiss any of those girls?’ Remus had asked him.
‘No. Just you.’
Remus felt as if someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and squeezed it tightly as he stared at the scene. Without even noticing it, he let out a rather loud sob before quickly turning around and walking away, tears finally falling from his eyes.
~
Everything was going well.
Until it didn’t.
The clock had just marked 11AM and Sirius found himself arm linked with Marlene McKinnon as they returned from their morning date.
It had been a bit over a month since The Selection had started, so the dates had become more and more frequent due to his people’s (and mother’s) pressures.
That day, they had been supposed to go to the stables and pick up the horses for a ride at the palace’s fields. There, a bunch of camera men had been waiting for them, desperate to capture a glimpse of their moment and broadcast it to the nation.
“The ride was fun, wasn’t it?” Marlene’s voice reached his ears, “The fields are lovely this time of the year.”
“It was, indeed. I really enjoyed it,” Sirius grinned at her and saw a radiant smile reach her beautiful face.
And much to Sirius’ own surprise, he found he wasn’t lying at all. He had discovered recently that Marlene was, in fact, a very nice company. She was smart, funny and polite, and Sirius had a feeling that she would be an amazing queen.
Therefore, he couldn’t help but wonder if, in another life, she would have been the right choice. Maybe, if his and Remus’ paths hadn’t crossed, he could have eventually learned to be happy with her, maybe even grown to love her. But she wasn’t who he really wanted, and life wasn’t made by ‘maybes’ or ‘ifs’.
Sirius was so immersed in his thoughts he didn’t even noticed that they had approached the palace’s gate until he heard someone speaking to him.
“Good morning, Your Highness.”
He looked over to find a man he had never seen before, wearing a guard’s uniform and moving to open the gate for them.
“Excuse me, are you new here?” he asked him politely, “I am certain I have never seen you in the palace before.”
“Oh, yes, Your Highness,” the man finished opening the gate and stepped aside so they could enter, bowing his head slightly, “I was transferred here yesterday, arrived at night.”
“Oh, well, very nice to meet you, then, Officer...”
“Longbottom, Your Highness. Frank Longbottom.”
‘This is the funniest last name I have ever heard,’ the thought crossed Sirius’ head and he fought a laughter from coming to the surface.
“Well, welcome to the palace, Officer Longbottom.”
“Thank you, Your Highness. I appreciate it.”
They passed by the man and made their way to the third floor, reaching Marlene’s bedroom just a couple of minutes later.
That’s when it all went terribly wrong. They both stopped in front of the bedroom’s door and Sirius turned to Marlene.
“I had an amazing time, dear,” he said truthfully.
“I certainly did too, Your Highness. I think we make a really good couple, don’t you think?” Marlene asked, and Sirius vaguely noticed a different glimpse in her eyes as she looked up at him.
However, Sirius didn’t even have the time to think much about that or to say anything as, in the next second, a pair of lips was firmly pressed against his.
Sirius felt himself immediately freeze, eyes wide opened in shock. His mind was working non stop, trying to get a reaction from him, but with no success.
He just stood there in the middle of the hallway, not actually kissing her back, but not pushing her away either.
And then, he heard it. A sob, coming from his left.
He broke the kiss and looked over at the direction of the sound, just in time to find a retreating figure turning the corridor.
Sirius recognized the person instantly, and immediately began panicking. He would recognize him anywhere.
Remus.
Remus had seen him kissing someone else. He had seem him kissing Marlene. Actually, he wasn’t really kissing her but Remus had no way of knowing that.
Sirius felt sweat begin to cripple on his forehead and his breath became more raged. He was only startled back to the moment a few seconds later by Marlene’s concerned voice.
“Your Highness? Is everything alright?”
“Yes, yes, of course, I just...,” he trailed off, barely registering the look of confusion and hurt on the woman’s face, “I need to get going, Marlene, if you’ll excuse me. I am so sorry.”
And with that, Sirius turned around and left in a hurry. He was so agitated he almost couldn’t think straight.
Sirius immediately took the stairs and went down to the second floor as fast as he could, knocking on Remus’ door once he approached it.
Nothing.
‘The gardens,’ the thought crossed his mind. Remus loved the gardens, that would definitely be a place he would go to if he was upset.
Sirius was walking so fast that he even received some confused glances from the guards that he passed by, but he didn’t even care. Just a few minutes later, he reached the gardens and began looking for Remus.
But again, nothing.
‘He must be back in the kitchens, working,’ he sighed in defeat and went back inside.
Sirius was almost reaching his chambers when he suddenly felt someone touching his shoulder.
“Hey, man, how was the date?”
He turned around to see James smiling brightly at him, but the smile vanished as soon as he processed the look on Sirius’ face.
“Did something happen?”
‘Well, the man I love just saw me kissing someone else, so if you would call that something, then yeah, something definitely happened,’ Sirius almost lost control and blurted everything out, but managed to bite his tongue and keep the thought to himself.
“No,” he smiled, hoping it didn’t look too fake, “The date was great, I am just a bit tired.”
James eyed him suspiciously, a frown appearing between his eyebrows, and Sirius held his breath to control his nerves.
James had known Sirius for years, and they used to tell each other everything. Sirius couldn’t even count how many times the other man had come to him with many details of his and Lily’s new relationship, which were usually a lot more than he needed to know. Therefore, it was extremely difficult to hide something from him.
However, after analyzing Sirius closely for a few moments, he gave him a careful nod.
“Alright, I won’t insist because I have already learned that when you don’t want to talk, it’s better not to push.”
“Thank y—“
“But,” James interrupted him and Sirius sighed, “I want you to know that I am here if you need me, alright? Just because I am with Lily now doesn’t mean I will have any less time for you. So if you need me, you know where to find me.”
Sirius rolled his eyes at the speech like they normally did with each other when the other became too emotional, but his heart secretly warmed up. He was so glad to have James in his life.
“Alright, you soppy git,” he joked and shoved him lightly before adding with more seriousness, “I will.”
After that, James patted him on the back and went off to his duties, leaving Sirius alone with his thoughts again.
He only managed to talk to Remus again when the night arrived. He had stayed all day locked in his room and staring at the ceiling, completely restless as he waited for the time they usually saw each other.
However, by the time the clock marked nine-thirty, Sirius couldn’t wait any longer. He changed his rumpled clothes for something nicer and walked the now so familiar path that leaded to Remus’ room.
The door opened a few seconds after Sirius knocked, and his heart immediately broke. Remus’ lips, that were usually curved up into a beautiful, warm smile, were turned downwards in a sad way. His eyes, that were always so bright, were read and puffy, probably from crying.
‘This is my fault,’ Sirius thought instantly, feeling miserable for having hurt Remus like that.
“Hey,” Remus greeted softly, and it was clear that he was trying to hide the fact that he was hurt.
“Hey. Can I come in, please?”
Remus didn’t say anything, just stepped aside so Sirius could pass by him and enter the room.
Sirius didn’t even give Remus the time to digest his arrival, and the words blurted out of his mouth the second the door was closed.
“Remus, I am so sorry. Please, let me explain.”
The other boy’s eyebrows crinkled in confusion, but Sirius didn’t even register that, he just kept talking.
“What you saw earlier was—“
“Wait,” Remus eyes widened and Sirius could see the comprehension dig its way into Remus’ brain, “You saw me there?”
“Yes.”
“Oh,” Remus suddenly lowered his head, seeming unable to look at Sirius’ eyes anymore. He looked embarrassed.
“No, I’m not mad at you, Sirius, I am—,” he interrupted himself from completing the sentence, letting out a sad sigh, “I’m not mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong, you know that, right?”
Technically, Sirius knew that Remus was right. He was in his Selection, after all, so it was only natural that he kissed at least some of the women. However, he couldn’t erase the feeling that he had betrayed Remus somehow.
“Let me explain anyway, please! She was the one who kissed me, I promise. I froze, and I didn’t know what to do, and I—“
“Sirius,” Remus cut his ramble short, looking him steadily in the eye, “You don’t need to explain anything, really. This is your Selection, the whole point of it is that you find someone to love between those women, and...”
It was Sirius’ time to interrupt Remus, voice determinate and slightly angry.
“Yes, well, I don’t want any of those women, don’t you get that?!” he almost shouted, but took a deep breath to calm himself as he saw the shocked look on Remus’ face.
“Remus, I just want you.”
A second passed. Then two. Three. Sirius didn’t know how much time had passed as they stared at each other. It could have been seconds or it could have been months, he just knew that he was hooked.
Actually, he had been hooked by those amber eyes since the time he had first looked at them, on the day they met.
Suddenly, warm hands cupped Sirius’ cheeks, making his eyes flutter shut. Only a moment later, though, a soft demand made him open them again.
“Then kiss me.”
Sirius happily obliged, and pulled Remus in for a passionate kiss. He grabbed the other man’s sandy hair between his fingers and sighed. Marlene’s lips on his had felt so out of place, so wrong. But that...that just felt right.
They broke apart for air, but none of them moved away.
“Go to my chambers tomorrow night. At the same time.” Sirius pleaded him, not even trying to hide the desperation on his voice.
Remus simply smiled and nodded, lowering himself a bit to put his head on Sirius’ shoulder, his nose pressing against the other’s neck.
“I will.”
Sirius felt himself relaxing again and rested his head on top of Remus’. They just stayed like that for a while, enveloped in each other’s arms, breathing each other’s scent.
Remus felt like home.
‘I love you, Remus,’ Sirius wanted to say, ‘I love you so much.’
But he didn’t. At least, not yet.