The Clearing
The next day, Sirius was sitting at his table at the Great Hall for breakfast, eating his carefully made pancakes when the sound of the door opening caught his attention.
He felt his heart quicken and had to bite his lip to contain a huge smile as he saw who was entering the room and images of the previous night flooded his brain.
After they first kissed, him and Remus had stayed almost an hour talking, kissing and just staring at each other with heart eyes before Sirius had finally walked back to his chambers.
Remus stepped into the Great Hall with a big tray on his hands and immediately turned to the royal family.
“Good morning, Your Majesties,” he bowed professionally, careful not to loose his balance.
Sirius’ parents completely ignored the greeting, and as Remus lifted his head back up, Sirius managed to catch his eyes for a second, which was all he needed. He swiftly led his hand to his left ear and tugged at it, letting out a relieved sigh as Remus discretely did the same.
Sirius bit back another smile. He had suggested they came up with some sort of signal, something to let them know the other wanted to talk without raising any suspects. That was their new code, just between them, and it felt special.
He finished his pancakes and turned his head to where Remus now stood. His eyes involuntary lingered for a second on the five most recent empty seats in the back.
Five more women, gone. Sirius had been informed, as soon as he woke up, that they had demanded immediate departure from the palace due to the attacks. He honestly couldn’t blame them.
He didn’t pay much more attention to that, though, as he was too caught up on observing the boy. He watched the way he moved, how he effortlessly carried the tray with just one hand while he served milk to The Selected.
Sirius had just taken a sip of his coffee when suddenly Remus turned his back to where he sat in order to attend to another woman, and Sirius was greeted with a spectacular view of his backside.
He choked on the hot liquid and felt his mouth water as he stared shamelessly at the curves of Remus’ ass, that was trapped in tight white pants. And oh man, what an ass.
‘How am I supposed to control myself when he looks like that?’
“Sirius? What’s going on? You’re drooling,” Sirius was startled out of his trance by Regulus’ voice close to his ear, not louder than a whisper.
He looked at his brother, that was staring at him quizzically, and tried to shake himself out of the direction that his (not so pure) thoughts were going. That was definitely not the time or place to that type of fantasies.
“Oh nothing, got distracted, haha,” he laughed a little, putting his most innocent smile on and trying not to sound so tense.
It probably worked, since Regulus merely shrugged and went back to eating his muffins.
Sirius let out a relieved sigh and traveled his look back to Remus, hoping to be able to appreciate the sight a little longer, but Remus had already turned back. He swallowed his disappointment and went back to observe the man as he worked.
However, as he looked at him, Sirius began to notice something that he hadn’t before. He saw that many of the women were treating Remus really badly, as he was as worthless as the old tray he carried. He also saw at least four of them throwing him weird looks as he passed, as well as rudely giving him orders.
Sirius immediately felt anger begin to rise through him as he watched the scene. Remus seemed completely unbothered by that, though, and Sirius knew the other man had probably had to deal with things like that all of his life, which only made him even more furious.
‘How many people had been treated like this right in front of my eyes before?’ he asked himself as he looked down at his hands in shame.
However, Sirius quickly lifted his head again as, not even a minute later, a high pitched scream reached his ears, and he began to search for the source.
He immediately froze as he found Ambrosia Parkinson looking at Remus with a disgusted look on her face.
“Be careful! Stand further when you are serving us something, I don’t want a servant’s clothes brushing on me. Low class people like you should know where you belong.”
Sirius vaguely heard a few low chuckles and some shocked gasps, but his mind didn’t register anything other than the feeling of his blood boiling with fury and his fists clenching.
He quickly glanced at Remus and saw that his face had turned a dark shade of red, and he lowered his head as he apologized to the girl, looking like he wanted to disappear.
Later, Sirius would realize it would have been probably wiser if he’d waited for a more private moment, but at the time, he was so angry he couldn’t think straight.
That was Remus right there, being humiliated in front of everyone, and he couldn’t just sit and let that happen.
“Miss Parkinson, can I talk to you outside for a moment?” he called her in a cold voice, face hard as a stone.
Sirius barely contained a triumphant grin as he saw the cruel smirk on her face turn into a shocked and apprehensive expression.
She quickly got up and followed him as he marched to the doors. The guards opened them and they both stepped outside.
“Yes, Your Highness?” Ambrosia bowed her head a little and looked at him, batting her eye lashes. Sirius suppressed an eye roll at that.
“I am afraid that your time to go has arrived, Miss Parkinson,” he informed her formally, hands behind his back.
Ambrosia’s mouth dropped open in shock as she stared at him, clearly not understanding a thing.
“Your Highness, I...I am sorry, did I do something wrong?”
“Yes, you did. I saw how you treated our employee inside, and I will not tolerate that kind of behavior here.”
“But I—“
“No buts, Miss Parkinson,” he didn’t hesitate in cutting her off before turning to the guard that was standing beside the door, “Excuse me, Officer, would you please take Miss Parkinson to her chambers and prepare her to depart?”
“Of course, Your Highness, right away.”
Sirius stood there as the guard tried to escort Ambrosia upstairs, which wasn’t an easy task, he might add.
He was about to get back inside when the door opened again, this time by Remus, face still flushed. Sirius visibly relaxed at the sight of him, and of course Remus noticed.
The other man quickly looked around to see if there were any guards around before turning to Sirius again.
“What happened? You seem tense. Where is Miss Parkinson?”
“I sent her away. I couldn’t let her treat you like that.”
“You...what? Away as in...back home?”
Sirius simply nodded, suddenly feeling a bit shy, and Remus’ eyes nearly popped out of his head as he stared thunderstruck at him.
He felt himself blushing slightly underneath Remus’ piercing and amazed gaze and quickly changed the subject, knowing they shouldn’t be talking like that where anyone could see.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he made a gesture to his left ear, referring to their special signal, “Meet me in my room tonight, at midnight. I have a surprise.”
Remus’ eyebrows shot up at that, but a beautiful smile appeared on his face.
“Oh, a surprise, huh? What are you planning?”
Sirius simply smirked at him.
“If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”
He saw Remus’ eyes shine and the man giggled. HE GIGGLED. Sirius almost passed out right there from the cuteness.
“You are so cute,” the words escaped his lips without permission, but he didn’t even bother being embarrassed. The look on Remus’ face was worth it.
Then suddenly, Remus carefully looked at their surroundings again and Sirius felt a warm pressure on his lips. He briefly wondered how even a quick peck like that could make his knees weaken.
“What was that for?” he asked him, sounding dazed.
Remus simply shrugged and smiled, “For being you. Now go, before someone suspects anything.”
Then he turned around, threw a wink behind his shoulders and walked away, leaving Sirius with a stunned and stupid smile on his face.
Sirius shook his head to get himself together before entering the Great Hall again. Breakfast was nearly finishing already, and as soon as he took his seat, Walburga turned to him.
“Where were you? Where’s Ambrosia?”
He winced at her tone and braced himself for her reaction.
“I sent her home.”
“You did what?!”
Walburga’s outburst was so loud that even some of The Selected looked over to them in shock. She took a deep breath and tried to act as if everything was normal.
“Why did you do that?” she demanded, although more civilized this time.
Ambrosia Parkinson was a Two, daughter of an abundantly wealthy family, and would serve as a good connection in the politic area. So of course, she had been one of the queen’s favorites.
“I just didn’t like her attitude,” he answered as calmly as possible.
Walburga shook her head in a mixture of anger and disappointment, and Sirius couldn’t figure out which one was worse.
“I don’t know what you are planning, Sirius Black. But I swear to you on my life, I won’t let it work.”
Sirius wanted to yell at her. She wasn’t his mother, she was the woman that had been ruining his life since he was old enough to remember. He wished he could just give everything up and live the way that he wanted to live. However, he remained silent.
At that moment, he wished he wasn’t Royalty. He wished he wasn’t One.
“It is time you realize where you belong,” she finished her breakfast and left the table, not looking back.
Sirius sighed miserably and glanced at the women’s table one more time.
Now there were only 21. Just like that.
~
Two minutes had passed since midnight when the low knocks echoed through Sirius’ door.
He jumped out of his bed in excitement and took a quick look in the mirror as he wanted to look nice. He passed his hands through his hair to straighten it and opened the door.
Remus was wearing a pair of jeans and a blue jumper that made him look adorable. His hair was wet, so he had probably just showered.
Sirius didn’t wait a second before he grabbed Remus by the jumper and dragged him inside the room, pulling him for a deep, brain melting kiss.
They parted after a few seconds, both flushed and out of breath.
“What was that for?” Remus asked him jokingly.
“For being you,” Sirius replied in the same tone and took his left hand, “So, are you ready for some mischief?”
“As long as you don’t get us both killed, I’m all in.”
“How dare you?” Sirius looked at Remus with mock offense, “I am outraged. How can you have so little faith in me?”
“Such a drama queen.”
Sirius laughed and squeezed his hand.
“Come on, we must be going. Don’t want you falling from exhaustion at work tomorrow.”
They left the room and Sirius led Remus through the long corridors of the palace until they reached the garden, extremely careful not to be seen by any guards.
“Isn’t this too dangerous? The guards make rounds in the garden too, right?” Remus worriedly asked him.
“Don’t worry, you’ll see.”
Hand in hand, they walked a few more yards until they reached a large, big oak tree, standing in an isolated corner.
“Ready?”
Remus looked at him in confusion but Sirius just smiled and grabbed his hand again. He pushed some leaves to the side, pulled Remus with him and...
Suddenly they were stepping into a small clearing. On the opposite side of the tree stood a part of the east side of the palace’s wall, but there were no windows, so they couldn’t be seen by anyone on the inside.
The only light present was coming from a couple of lamps allocated on the rugged wall, giving a serene environment to the place, and the grass overgrown, but not in an unpleasant way.
Anyway, none of those things were what was drawing the attention. Right in the middle of the clearing, a picnic towel was spread on the ground, with a big basket carefully placed on top of it.
Sirius nervously turned to look at Remus as they entered. The man’s eyes were wide open and his jaw had dropped as he took in the scene.
“I used to come here a lot when I was little,” Sirius explained when he couldn’t stand the silence anymore, feeling inexplicably self conscious, “Regulus and I would play hide and seek a lot, but one day I tripped on the tree while trying to hide and...well, I found this place. I never told anyone, but I thought maybe you’d like it.”
“Sirius, I...,” Remus still seemed stunned, “This is amazing, I loved it.”
Relief immediately filled Sirius and his confident self returned.
“I am glad! Here,” he took the other’s hand and dragged him to the picnic basket, “I wanted to do something nice for you, so I brought some stuff. I remember you told me you adore chocolate, so there are some muffins and cookies and—“
He was interrupted by a kiss, and his eyes closed as he savored the sweet feeling. He would never get tired of being kissed by Remus.
“I loved it, Sirius,” Remus’ eyes and smile were shinning, “Thank you. And thank you for showing this place to me.”
“Don’t thank me. You are special, just like this place. Now come here.”
They sat in the towel and Sirius handed Remus the basket, and soon they were both enjoying the chocolate muffins.
“Oh, I almost forgot!” Remus suddenly said as he finished to swallow a big amount of chocolate, “I am almost finishing the book, there is only one chapter left. I brought it here, I thought maybe we could finish it together?”
Sirius noticed for the first time the small book in his jumper’s pocket. He could see the joy in Remus’ expression for having read almost the entire book, and Sirius couldn’t help but feel extremely proud of the man.
“Of course. I would love that.”
Remus carefully opened the book and placed it in a position where they both could see the pages, but Sirius had another idea.
“Would you read it to me?”
Remus hesitated slightly as if he was embarrassed. He opened his mouth, but Sirius was faster and took his hands in his own.
“Please?”
Something in Sirius’ face must have weakened Remus because he gave a small nod and squeezed the other’s hands.
“Alright. I am not very good, though.”
“You are perfect.”
They sat beside the wall and Sirius surprised even himself as he rested his head on Remus’ lap. Not even a second later, though, gentle fingers began to caress his long hair, and he couldn’t hold in a content sigh.
Remus chuckled slightly down at him, “Comfortable there, are you?”
Sirius hummed, eyes closed, and waited patiently. Soon, he heard an intake of breath and the words began to fall out of Remus’ lips.
His voice was soft and soothing, and combining that to the fingers in his hair, Sirius almost fell asleep. Then, a while later, he heard the familiar, melancholic words that marked the end of the book, and opened his eyes.
“Wow,” was what came out of Remus’ lips, “I am...I am speechless. Really, I don’t even know what to say?”
“What did you think? Did you like it?” Sirius asked him expectantly.
“Are you kidding me?” Remus looked at him as if he was crazy, “This is a fucking masterpiece!”
“Oh my God, Remus, don’t scare me like that!” he sat down and shoved him, but laughing anyway.
“Sorry, couldn’t resist.”
That’s when Sirius noticed chocolate on Remus’ bottom lip, and he leaned forward to lick it.
He felt Remus shiver as his tongue traced it and reluctantly pulled back.
“You had chocolate on your lip.”
The look that Remus gave him as he bit his lip at that moment was a new one, one that made every inch of Sirius’ body grow incredibly hot. It seemed like...hunger.
Too caught up in the moment, Sirius blurt out the first thing that came to his mind.
“You were my first kiss, you know?”
The words barely slipped out and he already covered his mouth with his hands in panic.
‘Why the hell did I just say that?!?!’
Remus’ brain seemed to be short circuiting as he was just staring at Sirius with a shocked expression.
“I...what?”
“Nothing! Nothing! I didn’t say anything, don’t mind me, haha,” he desperately tried to fix the situation and dodged his eyes to the other side of the clearing, but it was no use.
He felt Remus’ fingers curl around his chin and turn his head gently to look at him.
“Sirius. Did you just say I was your first kiss?”
Sirius looked down in defeat and nodded. He wanted the earth to just swallow him whole.
“You didn’t kiss any of those girls?” he could feel the surprise in Remus’ tone, and he didn’t like that. He wanted Remus to know he was the only one for Sirius.
He looked up at him.
“No. Just you.”
Then Remus did what he least expected him to do. He studied Sirius’ face for a moment before licking his lips and kissing him. Hungrily.
Sirius gasped in delighted surprise and their tongues immediately began a passionate battle, making both of them dizzy.
Their hands began to travel their bodies, searching for the most contact possible, both getting lost in each other.
Suddenly, they both found themselves laying on the grass, with Remus’ back touching the ground and Sirius straddling his hips.
They continued kissing as if nothing else mattered in the world. Sirius shuddered in pleasure as hands found their way to the edge of his shirt and pulled it up, exploring the skin there.
He pulled his lips off Remus’ only to start kissing his so inviting neck, earning a mixture between a gasp and a small moan from Remus’ mouth.
Sirius tentatively licked the skin there, next to his collarbone, and now the other man definitely moaned. He wanted to hear more, to make Remus fall apart underneath him.
Only a second later, Sirius was rewarded with two hands firmly cupping his ass and giving it a good squeeze, and it was his time to moan.
Remus’ smell, taste and touch were intoxicating, and it didn’t take long at all before Sirius’ pants began to feel uncomfortably tight.
However, much to his disappointment, Remus removed his hands from his ass and gently placed them on his chest and pulled back a little, panting heavily and resting their foreheads together.
His pupils were dark and dilated, and Sirius thought he had never looked so gorgeous. He wondered if he looked the same.
“This is the last thing that I want to do, but...we should probably stop,” Remus whispered with their lips only a few inches apart.
“Yeah, I know.”
They both were reluctant to do so, but eventually they untangled themselves and laid side by side, catching their breath.
Sirius looked to the side to find Remus looking back at him, and suddenly they were both laughing hysterically at their situation.
Once they had calmed down and were peacefully looking at the dark sky, Remus cupped Sirius’ hand and turned to his side.
“I am glad I was your first kiss.”
Sirius smiled affectionately at him.
“Me too.”
They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, just enjoying the moment and each other, hand in hand, until Sirius broke the silence.
“Remus?”
“Yeah?”
“How was your life before? Like, when you lived with your parents?”
Sirius held his breath, afraid that he had just crossed a line. Remus must have sensed that, because he squeezed Sirius’ hand in reassurance.
“Well, I lived in a small house in a village with mom and dad, like I already told you. Mom was the most kind, caring and positive person I have ever known, she used to brighten a room just by entering it.”
Remus paused for a brief moment and Sirius could see a nostalgic, but happy smile on his face as he remembered his family.
“And dad,” he let out a laugh, “Dad was a clown, really. If I was having a bad day, I would come to him and two minutes later I would be full on laughing.”
Sirius smiled at him, mesmerized by Remus’ descriptions. He wondered what it was like to live with a family like that.
“I started working when I was pretty young ‘cause we needed all the money we could get. Mom worked in a big house near town, so she started taking me to work when I was about eight. I actually made a friend, but for a really small amount of time, since the family that lived there was a Two and the parents didn’t want their daughter playing with a future servant, you know?”
Sirius’ face immediately darkened, “That is ridiculous.”
He didn’t even realize he was squeezing Remus’ hand with much more force.
“It wasn’t a big deal, I was used to it.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have to be.”
Remus shoot him a grateful smile and pressed a light kiss to his lips, “Not everyone has a kind heart like yours.”
He didn’t give Sirius time to reply and kept on talking.
“Anyway, I normally watched her doing the service and when I turned ten I started working as well, in the same house. It was good, because I got to spend more time with her. It went on like that until she passed away a few months after my eleventh birthday,” Remus paused for a second to clear his throat and Sirius’ heart squeezed painfully.
He began to caress the man’s arm in an effort to comfort him while he kept talking.
“After that, I began working in a house next to where my dad worked, and I remained their employee until I came here.”
Sirius slowly nodded, processing all the new informations.
“Do you miss them a lot? Your parents?”
“Every day. But at least I have a lot of good memories of them. It makes me fell like they’re here with me.”
Sirius gently lifted his hand an reached up to brush a few strands of hair from the man’s forehead, who sighed appreciated, closing his eyes.
“Were you happy?”
Another smile reached Remus’ face and he opened his eyes again.
“Yes, I was. Life wasn’t easy, never has been, but I was happy. We were happy.”
Sirius felt as if a heavy weight has been lifted off his shoulders, as if knowing Remus had been happy, despite all the difficulties in his life, brought him peace.
“And are you happy now?” he asked vulnerably, and he knew his anxiety was transparent in his voice, but he couldn’t help it.
But Remus’ eyes enlightened as he looked at Sirius’ face, like he was he most precious thing in the world.
“I am.”
A relieved laughter escaped from Sirius, “Okay, good.”
Remus chuckled and then a cautious look appeared on his face. Sirius was about to ask what was the matter when he spoke.
“And what about you?”
“What do you mean?” Sirius asked in confusion.
“What about your life?”
Sirius felt himself freeze. He definitely wasn’t expecting that question.
“My life? You already know how my life was,” he answered nervously.
“Only what the media showed us, but not about your real life.”
Sirius swallowed dry, not knowing how to reply to that. Should he tell him about the lack of parental love in his life? That the only people that had ever said ‘I love you’ to him were Regulus and James? Should he tell him about all the emotional and physical abuse that his parents had put him under through the years?
“Hey, are you okay?” Sirius heard Remus’ voice next to his ear and a hand rubbing his back.
“Yeah, yeah, umm,” he stuttered before taking a deep breath and continuing decidedly, “My parents aren’t really the best.”
Sirius shrugged and tried to act as if it didn’t matter, but him and Remus both knew that it did matter. A lot.
“Since I was younger and Regulus was born, they were instantly drawn to him, you know? Like he was exactly the son that they wanted. And with me,” Sirius took a raged breath, “Well, it was never like that with me.”
He waited to see if Remus would say something but he was just waiting patiently for Sirius to continue.
“For a long time I couldn’t understand it, you know? Like, why did they love him more than they loved me? Did I do something wrong? Was there something wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Remus interrupted him immediately.
“I know that now, I guess. I think that they just noticed right away that I was going to be different, and they didn’t like that.”
Remus hummed understandably and his eyes were unfocused like he was in deep thought. After a minute had passed, he turned to Sirius again.
“Never doubt yourself because of your parents, Sirius. You are way better than they will ever be.”
Sirius’ heart melted and he felt himself beginning to get emotional.
‘Damn, I am getting too emotional these days,’ he thought.
“Talking about the queen and king like that, huh?” he joked, though it was still clear the effect that Remus’ words had had on him.
The boy just smiled, shrugged and answered sincerely.
“You are worth it.”
They both leaned in at the same time and shared another kiss, filled with emotions and feelings.
When they separated, Remus asked the same question that Sirius had.
“Are you happy now?”
Sirius could see himself from a few moments ago reflected on Remus now, a mix of anxiety and insecurity, and replied without any hesitation.
“I am.”
And he really was.