Moonlight
The noise was deafening, the smell of dust was sickening. The floor trembled so much that, if Remus didn’t know what was going on, he would think it was an earthquake.
He tightened his arms around Lily as she yelped once more, trying to pass some security to her, even if he himself wasn’t feeling any.
(TWO HOURS EARLIER...)
A week had passed since the disaster at the Great Hall when it happened.
It was an apparently normal morning and Remus was calmly drying some dishes when Lily suddenly appeared behind him, a knowing smirk on her face.
“What’s with the lovesick look, Lupin?”
“Damn, Lily! You almost made me break the plate!”
Clearly amused, she started laughing and shoved him slightly while grabbing some bowls to help him on the job.
“Someone was daydreaming again, huh?”
Remus wasn’t going to admit that, but she wasn’t wrong. Lately, the task of taking a certain someone out of his head had been proving to be more and more difficult for him. At that point, it had become simply impossible.
What had started as admiration and friendship had quickly turned into something way stronger and deeper. Remus was afraid to admit it to himself, but he knew exactly what is was. Love.
During the day, his mind was always filled with thoughts of Sirius. He would get lost in thinking about his long black hair, his kind and beautiful smile and his grey eyes. But most importantly, he thought about how he desperately wanted to be that ‘someone’ in Sirius’ life.
During the nights, when Remus would finally surrender to his tiredness and fall asleep, he dreamed of Sirius.
Remus sighed and took a few seconds to think of what to say. He desperately wanted to tell Lily everything, get it all out of his chest. It would feel good talking to a friend.
But he couldn’t do that. He really didn’t think Lily was the type of person to judge someone for being gay, but how would he explain to her that he had given his heart to no one other than the freaking prince?
Anyway, it wasn’t as if he actually had a chance with him, right? Sirius was royalty. Sirius was gorgeous. Sirius was amazing. Even if he actually liked guys (which definitely was not the case) he would never like Remus. And if that wasn’t enough, Sirius even had a whole bunch of beautiful young women to choose from.
“And what about you, Miss Evans? Are you really sure you hate that Potter guy that much?”
He knew he had succeeded in swiftly changing the subject when she blushed and tried to avoid eye contact.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
It was his time to let out an amused laughter and give her a knowing look. Lily was an incredibly stubborn person, but he himself was very observant. He had noticed the way she looked at James Potter, despite her constant efforts to make it seam like she couldn’t stand him.
“Uh-huh, sure.”
“I certainly don’t know what you are insinuating, Remus Lupin. James Potter is nothing more than an annoyingly persistent idiot.”
Remus rolled his eyes a little at that, but decided to give in. He didn’t want to push her too much.
“Whatever you say, Lils.”
A few minutes passed and they were almost done drying everything when they suddenly heard it.
A terrifyingly loud noise that seemed like a big explosion coming from outside. Remus almost jumped out of his skin and his heart began thumping so fast that he thought he would pass out. What the hell had just happened?
Not even a second later, caos took place inside the kitchen. Most of the servants were either crying, praying or screaming hysterically, and some even busted to the door in panic.
But before anyone could get out, the door flied open and a guard came in. He was panting heavily and sweat was dripping from his face, but he immediately straightened his posture and tried to look as professional as possible.
“I need everyone to calm down. We are under an attack.”
Despite his good intention, it seemed like his words had the opposite effect than the intended. It would be the same as if he’d said ‘hey, everyone, let’s panic even more!’, because that was exactly what happened.
Remus’ mind was working full time, trying to understand what was going on. An attack? Why were they under an attack? Who was attacking the palace?
“Aren’t we going to the safe place?” an old looking woman asked, and Remus could see she was trying her hardest to stay calm.
Almost everyone looked expectantly at the man, but he only shook his head.
“The explosion was too close, so it’s not safe to walk out. But don’t worry, we will stop them like we always do. For now, stay here and try to hide, we will keep you safe,” he answered before opening the door and leaving in a rush.
Nobody said it out loud, but everyone knew there was no guarantee they would be safe.
Remus turned his head to look at Lily as soon as the guard left. She hadn’t lost her composure, but the fear was transparent in her eyes.
Before he could even blink, she swiftly grabbed his hand and dragged him along to the back of the kitchen. The room was a total mess, everyone running around and looking for a hidden spot, but they managed to settle behind a big supply closet.
“Lily, what’s happening?” Remus asked, voice pleading.
When she lifted her head to look at him, Remus was surprised to see tears in her eyes. She let out a sad sigh before starting to speak.
“Rem, there are a lot of people who dislike the royal family, you must know that. The caste system that we live in is insanely unfair to the majority of the population, and nothing is ever done to fix it.”
Remus nodded understandably. He knew all that, of course. His own life was a proof of that.
“There are countless groups formed by citizens against the royalty and the system, but most of them are actually really small and their purpose is more of a public image, you know? To show people how unsatisfied and angry they are. But there are some of them that...”
Lily hesitated slightly, as if they would be in danger by simply talking about it, and Remus thought he saw her suppress a shiver.
“...well, some of them are really strong, Rem. And they actually want to take down the royal family and assume the control of the country. They want to rule Illéa.”
Another explosion marked the end of Lily’s explanation and Remus heard her yelp. He instantly took her hand is his in an attempt to pass her some comfort.
Lily squeezed his hand back and directed him a thankful look, but he barely registered it. His brain had finally processed what she had meant by that speech and he could only think of one thing.
Sirius.
“So you are telling me that this attack—“
“Yes. It’s by one of those groups,” she confirmed his suspicions.
“Has it happened before?”
“Not since I started working here, no,” she shook her head before adding, “But there have been other ones before, yes. I have heard about some of them.”
There had been other attacks before. They knew how to protect the palace. Sirius was going to be okay. Nothing bad would happen to him. Right?
Remus realized he must have stayed silent for too long because Lily kept on talking after a while.
“Normally they would take us to a shelter. They have one for the staff and one for the royal family. The Selected are probably there with them, so they are all safe.”
That managed to calm Remus down a bit, though he was definitely still concerned. But then another thought crossed his mind.
“What about the guards?”
As soon as he asked that, he wanted to take it back. Lily’s shoulders seemed to slump even more and the tears reappeared.
And then he understood. James.
“You are too observant for your own good, Rem,” she gave him a sad smile, which was interrupted when a loud sob cracked her body, “He can’t die, Remus. He can’t die thinking that I hate him.”
Lily put her face in her hands and let herself cry, her body shaking from the force of it, and Remus felt his heart break in half. He carefully took her in his arms and she rested her head in his chest.
“Everything will be okay, Lils,” he whispered, “It will be okay.”
They both sat there, hearing the explosions and the screams, and waited.
~
As soon as the bombarding began, two guards had busted into Sirius’ chambers and dragged him to the shelter, so he didn’t even had the chance to change.
When Sirius got there he immediately spotted his mother, his father and his brother. Some of the selected women were already there as well, though there were still a lot outside.
The other women soon began to arrive in small groups, and when all the 27 were safely inside, the doors were closed. Sirius was extremely relieved to see that James had stayed inside the shelter to guard the doors.
In addition to the fuss outside, the noise of hysterically crying women soon filled Sirius’ ears. When he turned to Walburga, a simple look from her told him what he had to do.
But even as Sirius walked around the room trying to calm and comfort almost thirty women, he felt like his mind was a million miles away, entirely focused on someone else. Sirius had been worrying about Remus since he heard the first explosion.
Once he was done talking to all the girls, Sirius subtly made his way towards James. He had been meaning to ask him if he had any news about the staff or the progression of the attack.
However, when James noticed his arrival and looked at him, Sirius was startled by the expression on his face. He looked devastated.
“James, what happened?” he asked desperately, looking into his friend’s sad eyes.
“The kitchen staff. They couldn’t make it to the safe place, Sirius. I was informed that the bombarding was too close, so they had to stay there.”
Sirius felt as if all the air had been knocked out of his lungs and he involuntarily took a step back. It was like he had been punched in the gut, but even worse.
“No, there has to be some mistake.”
James sighed and shook his head miserably, “There’s no mistake, Sirius.”
Sirius wanted to scream. He needed to get out of there, find Remus and keep him safe. He wanted to take him in his arms and never let go. But he couldn’t do that.
“Sirius? Earth to Sirius?”
He was startled out of his state by James’ voice, sounding confused.
“I am just gonna, uh, just gonna sit over there,” Sirius mumbled weakly.
He could feel James’ questioning gaze burning through his robes, but he could barely process it. Now, all he could do was wait and try not to freak out.
The hours passed agonizingly slow, and Sirius felt as if he would loose his mind at any second.
After what seemed like a lifetime, the noise from the explosions stopped. Nothing more could be heard except from the quiet sniffles from inside the shelter.
A few more minutes passed in almost complete silence when the door was suddenly burst open and a guard walked in. He looked exhausted, but a huge grin was visible on his face.
“The attack is over, Your Majesties,” he directed the information to Walburga and Orion, “It’s safe to come out now.”
Sirius found himself standing up and running to the door not even a second later. He thought he heard his mother calling for him but he didn’t pay any attention.
His feet carried him in light speed as he ran to the opposite side of the palace. Remus. He needed to find Remus.
Sirius was about to fall over from exhaustion when he saw him.
Remus was standing right outside the kitchen’s door. His hair was a complete mess and his uniform was covered in dirt, but he still looked beautiful.
As if sensing he was being observed, Remus’ head turned in his direction and their eyes met. Sirius thought he saw the other man’s expression fill with relief.
Sirius barely even notice the destruction on the corridor as he quickly made his way over to where he was standing and threw his arms around him.
Remus reciprocated the hug only a fraction of a second later, and Sirius let himself finally relax a little. Some surprised gasps could be heard from the rest of the staff, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything besides the boy in his arms.
“I was so worried about you,” Sirius told him, and it was impossible to hide the emotion in his voice.
But Remus’ voice wasn’t less emotional as he answered him, “God, me too, Sirius. Me too.”
They stepped back and smiled at each other, but before either of them could do anything more they heard someone yelling.
“James Potter!”
Sirius looked behind his shoulder to find Lily Evans standing there, her face marked with tear tracks and hands clenched besides her body. Standing a few feet away, was James.
He saw James’ eyes widen comically as she strode over to him, but Sirius could also see how relieved he was to see she was okay.
“How dare you make me this worried?!”
James had just opened his mouth to say something when Lily grabbed the front of his guard’s uniform and pulled him towards her, their lips colliding together.
Sirius smiled widely as he looked at the kissing couple, glad that his best friend was finally happy.
‘I can’t believe he was actually right,’ Sirius thought and let out a chuckle.
When he risked a quick glance at Remus, he felt his heart swell as he found a very similar smile on the man’s face.
They were okay. They were all okay.
~
Sirius was not okay.
He didn’t know for how long he had been lying in his bed staring at the ceiling, but he just couldn’t sleep.
The events of the day were still tormenting his mind and even now, in the middle of the night, he still hadn’t managed to calm down.
In a spurt of the moment decision, Sirius quickly changed his clothes, put some shoes on and left his bedroom.
Not even two minutes later he found himself knocking on someone else’s room. He was surprised by how quickly Remus opened the door.
“Sirius?” he rubbed his eyes and looked at him, furrowing his eyebrows. Sirius pushed away a faint feeling of guilt for waking him up.
“Hi.”
“Here, come in,” Remus’ hand closed around Sirius’ wrists and dragged him into the room, “Everything alright?”
Sirius opened his mouth to tell him his standard reply, the famous ‘yes, I am totally fine’, but something in the man’s face made him tell the truth.
“Not really, no,” he sighed and looked at his feet, “Can I stay here for a bit?”
Remus’ eyebrows furrowed even more and Sirius could tell he was concerned.
“Of course you can. Want to go to the balcony?”
Sirius gave him a thankful look and nodded, following him to the other side of the room. He let out a satisfied breath when a small breeze came in as Remus opened the double glass doors.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus carefully asked him as they observed the countless small dots in the sky.
“I guess today was just too intense. I feel exhausted, but somehow I just can’t calm down enough to sleep.”
Remus hummed, seeming to understand.
“I know what you mean. Today was really scary, I don’t feel normal yet, either.”
“Really?”
“Really. I guess we’ll just have to go through it together, right?”
Sirius felt warmth spread through his entire body. Damn, he was so in love, how could he have missed it before?
They stayed quiet for some time, just enjoying the view, the wind and each other’s company. Sirius was even afraid to move or say anything and ruin that peaceful moment.
But then he saw Remus’ body shift from the corner of his vision, so he turned to his right and...
They were standing really close, facing each other and Sirius’ breath got caught in his throat by the way Remus looked.
The full moon was illuminating his features, making his scars gain a beautiful contrast and his hair shine. Under that starry sky, right next to Sirius, he looked like something from another world.
Sirius suddenly felt overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him.
And that’s what he did.
He urged forward in one swift move and pressed his lips to Remus’. He barely had time to register the amazing feeling of incredibly soft lips against his own when he felt the other man tense up in surprise and he caught on to what he was doing.
He kissed Remus Lupin. He freaking kissed him.
He jumped of out the kiss in desperation and moved across to the opposite side of the balcony, trying to put the most distance he could between them.
“I am so sorry, Remus! Fuck! I don’t know what came over me, I am so, so sorry, please forgiv—mmmph”
His mortified ramble was cut short because Sirius suddenly found himself with a mouthful of Remus.
It was his time to be utterly shocked. He gasped into the kiss, so Remus took that as an opportunity to start moving his mouth against his. From that moment, Sirius was a goner.
He let his eyes flutter closed as he kissed back with everything he had, determined not to let his inexperience get in the way.
They moved their lips together softly, and Sirius was on cloud nine. He felt Remus’ arms circle his waist, pulling him closer and closer. Just as he thought the kiss couldn’t get any better, he felt a tongue caress his bottom lip, asking for entrance.
He certainly obliged, and oh...Sirius was definitely in heaven, he felt like he was floating. He had never felt so good, so alive.
‘I could kiss him for the rest of my life and die as a happy man.’
However, way sooner than what Sirius wanted, Remus broke the kiss and let go of him, panting heavily.
“Fuck...Sirius, we...we can’t.”
Sirius felt his heart breaking into a million pieces. A few second ago he was madly kissing the man he loved. And now, that same man was rejecting him.
“Why not?” he asked in a whisper, hoping he didn’t sound as broken as he felt.
He probably did, though, because Remus’ face contorted in pain.
“Sirius...you know why. You are a prince, the future king, and I am a servant, a Six, a—“
“Don’t,” Sirius interrupted him, “Do you really think that I care about your caste? Well, I don’t. I don’t give a crap.”
“You don’t, but the whole country does, Sirius,” Remus retorted.
“Please, Remus, don’t do this,” Sirius pleaded in desperation, taking his hands on his own, “Don’t throw this away.”
Remus looked down at his feet, biting his lip and looking like he was on the verge of tears. Sirius could almost feel the conflict irradiating from him.
“You make me happy, Remus,” he told the boy in front of him, “And I know that we shouldn’t throw away things that make us happy, no matter how hard they can be.”
He paused for a second to gather some more courage. This was it.
“The question is if you want this too. Do you?”
Remus looked up at him again, eyes burning through his soul.
“I do. More than anything.”
Sirius felt his heart leap out of his chest and he wondered if Remus would be able to hear it from how loud it was beating.
“Then let us have this. Please.”
The silence stretched for what like felt minutes, and Sirius felt like he was going to throw up. His hands, that were still grabbing Remus’, were all sweaty.
Just as Sirius was about to admit defeat and excuse himself to go back to his chambers and cry on his pillow, Remus gave him a small nod.
“Okay.”
Sirius blinked once. Twice. Had he just said...?
“Okay?”
And then Remus’ face split up into a beautiful smile, even brighter than the moon. He took one step forward and rested his forehead against Sirius’.
“Okay.”
And then their lips met again.