The Ball
Sirius woke up with the sunlight coming through the curtains and immediately grimaced as he remembered what day it was.
Exactly three weeks had passed since the first day of The Selection, which meant that, according to his family’s tradition, it was time to throw The Royal Ball.
His mother was annoyingly excited, bossing everyone around and making sure that everything went perfectly. No mistakes would be tolerated in such a special event, as she used to say. Sirius felt bad for the staff, even more than he usually did.
For Sirius, though, there was no reason for any excitement. The ball consisted of one single thing: a bunch of noble, important, boring people coming together to brag about their richness and broadcast their supposed superiority to the country.
Sirius was wearing only a pair of boxer briefs when his mother suddenly opened the door.
“Holy shit, mother!” he yelled, looking for something to cover himself, “Don’t you know how to knock?”
Walburga chose to ignore him as she entered the room and handed Sirius a box.
“I told the tailor to make it last week, since I figured you wouldn’t bother to arrange something appropriate to wear,” she said before he could ask anything.
Sirius carefully took the box from her hands and placed it on the bed, before opening it and taking a look at its content.
It consisted of a bright purple tuxedo, covered in small sequins that made it obnoxiously flashy. Sirius felt the urge to close his eyes and protect his vision from that terribly ugly piece of clothing.
“It’s hideous!”
Walburga’s face hardened at that and she looked like she was making a great effort not to loose her composure.
“It is elegant and respectable,” she retorted.
“You mean it looks like it costed a fortune.”
“That is enough, Sirius,” she finally lost her patience, “You will wear it tonight and period.”
Sirius sighed, frustrated, but stayed quiet. He knew there was no way out of that, so he just nodded and tried it on.
“Oh I almost forgot,” she said, more excitedly this time, “Your cousin Bella is coming.”
Sirius almost let out some not so polite words as he heard the news, and felt an unpleasant shiver run down his spine at the mention of her name.
Of all the people in his family, Bellatrix was without a doubt one of the very worst. In his opinion, she was a cruel, heartless person that unfortunately happened to be related to him.
‘Actually, that description could be easily applied to most of my family members,’ he thought sourly.
“I am warning you, Sirius Black. Don’t cause any trouble.”
And with that, she was gone.
~
The sound of classical music filled the air as Sirius spun around the dance floor with Mary McDonald in his arms, and he felt like he would die of boredom at any moment.
Despite his imminent death, though, he was beginning to think that the night could have gone far worse. He had managed to dance with all the selected women, the 27 that still remained, and talk to the majority of the important people that attended the event. His mother’s presence was discrete, but always there, as she supervised him to make sure he would pass on the image of the perfect Black heir.
However, he should have figured that wouldn’t be the case. Nothing in Sirius Black’s life was ever that simple.
As Mary stepped on his foot for what felt like the tenth time already, Sirius grumpily wished that it was Remus dancing with him instead. He was positive that he would have enjoyed the night far more if he had been in the other man’s presence.
He knew that he would probably appear at some point before the end of the ball, as he had told Sirius that he would be waitressing there, but they wouldn’t even be able to talk.
Remus had gone to his chambers for their reading lessons almost every night since that day in the gardens. He had improved so much that Sirius didn’t believe he needed his help anymore, but the man didn’t say anything about it, so Sirius certainly didn’t complain.
They would read and talk for hours straight, and Sirius constantly caught himself wishing for even more of Remus’ company.
‘He truly became a very important part of my life,’ it occurred to him.
But Sirius’ thoughts were suddenly rudely interrupted by the last person he wanted to see that night (or any other night, in fact).
“Hello, cousin.”
Sirius’ whole body tensed at her voice, and he silently prayed that she hadn’t noticed.
‘The last thing that I need is for her to feel like she has power over me.’
“Mary, my dear,” he politely turned to the other girl, who was still clinging to his arm like he was a life jacket, “Could you excuse me for a moment as I talk to my beloved cousin?”
“Of course, Your Highness,” she gave him an awkward bow, before turning to Bellatrix and doing the same, “Excuse me, Madame.”
Sirius waited until she was out of ear reach before turning to his cousin. Bellatrix had a cruel smile on her face, one that Sirius noticed she always wore when he was around.
“Oh, little cousin, I know you love me very much, but there’s no need to exaggerate.”
“Leave me alone, Bellatrix” he cut her short before she could say anything else, “I have no wish to deal with you right now.”
She threw her head back so abruptly that Sirius thought she would break her neck by the force of it, a scary laugh coming out of her mouth.
“You really should be more careful about how you talk to me, cousin,” she retorted, turning her back to him and walking away not even a second later.
Sirius let out a mixture of an angry huff and a relieved sigh once he got rid of her. He completely forgot about Mary as he made his way towards the table in the corner of the room, the big bowl of punch suddenly looking extremely appealing.
But then again, nothing in Sirius’ life was that simple. He had just taken a very satisfying sip of his drink when there was a loud noise of glass chattering, followed by the sound of something heavy hitting the floor.
Sirius quickly spun around to see what happened and he felt his heart stop beating. A small circle was beginning to form, but he could still see it clearly. There, in the middle of the small crowd, was Remus.
He was laying in a pool of spilled water and shards of glass, and the second he lifted his face Sirius could spot the fear there.
He didn’t even realize his legs had moved until he was kneeling very ungraciously in front of Remus. Panic stroke him as he saw the boy was bleeding in several spots.
“Oh my God, Remus, are you okay?!” he asked him desperately.
However, whatever Remus was going to answer was interrupted by a muffled laughter coming from his left. When Sirius looked up, he felt a wave of pure fury rise through him and fill every inch of his body.
Bellatrix stood there, foot extended and shoulders shaking from laughter. When their eyes locked, she merely retreated her foot and mouthed a small ‘oops!’
Sirius probably would have jumped on her throat right at that moment, in the middle of the ball, if his mother hadn’t pulled him up by the back of his tux.
“What is going on here?” the queen demanded in a serious voice before spotting Remus, still splashed on the ground.
She let go of Sirius and grabbed Remus by his shirt’s collar, aggressively pulling him to his feet. Before neither of the boys could even blink, Walburga let go of his uniform and smacked him right on the face.
“Stop it!” Sirius screamed, moving to stand on Remus’ side, focused on his mother. He didn’t even see the way the man’s eyes widened in awe despite the pain in his face.
“How dare you speak to me this way?” she spit in rage, before turning to Remus, “And to defend this...this...”
Sirius didn’t let her finish her insult and pointed accusingly at his cousin, clearly determinate.
“It wasn’t his fault. She put her foot in front of him so he would trip. I saw it.”
Bellatrix immediately gasped, put on a fake hurt expression and started denying everything.
Sirius found himself thinking that, if looks could kill, the one his mother gave him would have gotten him dead and buried ten feet bellow the ground at that moment.
“Shame on you, Sirius Black. You are nothing more than a big disappointment.”
Sirius tried to control his expression, but knew he failed miserably. He always did. No matter how many times she told him how much of a disgrace he was and how she wished Regulus was her only son, it never seemed to stop hurting.
“And you,” she quickly turned her murderous look to Remus, “You are lucky we need more staff, otherwise you would already be out on the streets. Now get out of here.”
“Y-y-yes, Your Majesty,” Remus stuttered, seeming too shaken up to say much more.
He looked at Sirius for a second, looking like he wanted to talk to him, but left the Great Hall in a hurry.
Walburga quickly turned her attention to the other people in the room to avoid making even more of a scene.
“I am so sorry, everyone, one of our employees had a small accident, but we will take care of everything right away.”
It seemed like that took people out of their stupor and the whispers started to be heard.
‘The only thing these people can do properly is gossip,’ Sirius thought bitterly.
Not even a minute later, three other servants had appeared and started cleaning the mess on the floor.
“Sirius? Are you okay?”
He jumped as a hand touched his shoulder. Regulus was standing next to him, looking concerned. Only then did Sirius realized he was shaking. It had all happened so fast, he was still processing everything.
“No,” he answered truthfully, “I need to get out of here.”
“Okay,” Regulus nodded understandably, tightening his hold on Sirius for a second before letting go, “Go. I’ll cover for you if mother or father ask anything.”
“Thanks, Reg,” he sighed. His brother was really an angel.
Sirius left the Great Hall with a single thought in his mind.
He needed to find Remus.
~
Sirius rushed to the second floor, where he knew all the servant’s bedrooms were. He didn’t even think of how he would find Remus, too worried about him to think straight.
Luckily enough, he emerged from the stairs just in time to see a door closing down the end of the corridor, which he could only assume was Remus’ room.
He strode over to it and knocked, careful not to make too much noise. When the door opened and revealed Remus, Sirius fought an urge to cry.
In addition to the cuts on his hands and knees, where the glass pierced his trousers, there was a dark red hand mark on his left cheek where Walburga had hit him. And his mother’s slaps were no joke. Sirius knew that from experience.
“Hey,” Remus greeted him, looking a little surprised but glad to find Sirius there.
“Hi,” Sirius bit his lower lip in hesitation before looking inside the room, “Can I come in?”
“Of course, yes!” Remus stepped aside in a hurry, gesturing for him to enter.
Only when Sirius walked into the bedroom he realized that he had never been to a servant’s chambers before. He took in his surroundings and noticed that the space was really tiny, not much bigger than his bathroom, with the exception of a small balcony.
Sirius immediately felt embarrassed about his own bedroom’s extravagance.
“Nice tux you got there.”
Sirius turned his head to find Remus standing a bit unsurely next to his bed, eyeing him.
He let out a humorless laugh and took it off, revealing a white shirt that was a little too tight on him.
Sirius thought he saw Remus’ eyes trail his chest for a second, but decided that his brain must have tricked him.
“Mother’s choice, can’t disappoint her even more, right?”
Remus’ forehead formed a deep frown and he opened his mouth to answer, but Sirius beat him to it.
“I am sorry to show up here unannounced like this. I just...” he trailed off, feeling inexplicably self conscious, “I came to check on you. And to see if I can help you with anything. Can I?”
Remus just looked at him fondly for a moment before gesturing to his nightstand. Sirius then noticed the small package of cottons, some bandage gauzes, alcohol to clean the cuts and a bucket filled with ice, all carefully placed there.
“I passed by the hospital wing real quick, Madame Pomfrey gave me those. I suppose you could help me with them?” Remus suggested, looking expectantly at him.
“Yeah, of course,” Sirius closed the short distance from where he stood to the bed in less than a second, sat on the edge and picked up the items, “Poppy is amazing, isn’t she?”
“Poppy?” Remus shocked his head slowly while a snort escaped his lips at the weird nickname, and he sat next to Sirius on the bed.
An involuntary smile appeared on Sirius’ face at that, but it instantly vanished once he took Remus’ hands in his own to look at the damage.
Not only there were small cuts and blood, but some pieces of glass were still stuck in his skin.
“Fuck, Remus, I am so sorry,” he bit his lip again as it started trembling.
“Wait, what? What are you sorry for?” Remus’ frowned again, this time from confusion.
“It was all my fault. I provoked Bellatrix. She did it on purpose so that I would try to accuse her and loose my shit.”
“Oh, Sirius...”
That made him look up from Remus’ hands, surprised to see the soft expression on his face instead of anger.
“You can’t blame yourself for what your cousin does. You are not your family. You are responsible for your own acts, nothing more.”
Sirius just sat there, staring at Remus, utterly and completely speechless. ‘You are not your family.’ That was the first time someone other than James told him that.
‘He knows I am not like them. He knows.’
Remus seemed oblivious to Sirius’ thoughts as he kept on talking after a few seconds of silence.
“Actually, I...,” he cleaned his throat and Sirius saw his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed, “The way you stood up for me in front of everyone, not even caring about how it would look like, or about your mother...it was incredible.”
Sirius felt himself getting lost as their eyes met, the air around them growing hot as silver met amber.
The intensity of it was so much that Sirius had to break the eye contact, blushing as he once again looked at Remus’ hands. He carefully started to remove the glass from them.
“I would never let them harm you.”
“I know.”
They fell into a peaceful silence as Sirius kept on his work. There was something really nice about holding Remus’ hands. They were pleasantly warm and slightly bigger than his own, and his skin was smooth despite all the cuts.
Once he was done removing the shattered glass, he cleaned the cuts and began bandaging them.
However, as he did so, he couldn’t help but observe the many faint lines that crossed Remus’ arms, disappearing bellow his shirt. He had noticed them before, of course, just like the ones on his face and neck, but he never mentioned anything.
He probably wasn’t as discreet as he had figured, though, because after a few minutes, Remus casually asked, “You are wondering how I got them, aren’t you?”
Sirius froze, caught completely of guard. His mind quickly searched for some excuse.
“N-no, I—“
“Hey, it’s okay,” Remus interrupted him with a small smile before lightly squeezing Sirius’ hands, “I would wonder too, you know? I am actually impressed you didn’t ask me.”
“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he told him almost in a whisper, but Remus heard him anyway.
“You don’t make me uncomfortable. Actually, it’s quite the opposite.”
Sirius briefly wondered if it was even possible for Remus’ eyes to become softer than they were at that moment, and he felt his heart quicken its rhythm.
Despite Remus’ reassurance, Sirius was about to apologize and change the subject when the man continued talking.
“Do you remember that I told you how I used to live in a small village with my parents, a few miles away from the city?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“It was a safe village. There was a forest nearby, but no one was ever concerned because, as long as we didn’t disturb the animals there, they didn’t come to us. But one day...”
Remus’ voice cracked a bit in the middle of the sentence, and Sirius watched as a sad sigh escaped his lips.
“One day, my dad forgot the door open when he got home. I was four. I don’t remember much, honestly, but I do remember leaving the house. My dad found me unconscious in the forest almost an hour later.”
Horror struck Sirius and he let out a terrified sound. He didn’t even notice, but his grip on Remus’ hands were stronger than ever.
“I had claw marks and bites all over me, and had lost a lot of blood. They believe it was a wolf that attacked me. Anyway, my parents managed to get some help, otherwise I don’t believe I would have made it. But they didn’t have the money to call a good doctor, so the wounds never properly healed.”
Sirius felt as if the whole world had faded and all that was left was this terrible feeling, enveloping his whole body and making him want to cry.
He imagined a four year old Remus, hurt and nearly dead, unconscious in the forest. He imagined his pain, his suffering. He imagined his parents, unable to give their son a good treatment because of money.
Money, something that Sirius had always had to spare.
Why did things like that had to happen? Why was life so cruel to the ones who didn’t deserve it?
He didn’t realize he was actually crying until he felt a tender touch on his cheeks and, through the wetness in his eyes, he saw Remus’ concerned face looking closely at him.
“Please, don’t cry,” he pleaded, thumbs wiping Sirius’ tears away, “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
‘How is this boy even real?’ Sirius asked himself, face still being held, ‘He just told me all of that and he is worried that *I* am upset.’
Then, without even thinking about it, Sirius threw himself at Remus’ arms. He felt the man tense in surprise, but before he could even begin to pull away, strong arms enveloped him back.
It was the first time they hugged, and Sirius found himself wishing they never stopped.
“You know...” Remus’ voice so close to his ear brought him back to reality, “What your mother told you, about you being a disappointment. I know she is the queen, but I have never heard anything more false in my entire life. Sirius...you are incredible.”
Sirius felt himself melt right then and there, heart beating like crazy. And then, everything suddenly made sense.
The weird goosebumps he got in his stomach every time they were together, the blushes, the times he thought about how cute and beautiful Remus was and that constant need to be around him.
At that moment, he realized. He was in love.
He had fallen hard, fast, deep in love with that man that had entered his life not even a month ago.
The realization was too much for Sirius, and he let out a very audible gasp.
‘I am in love with him. I am in love with him. I am in love with him,’ he felt like his head was going to explode.
Remus, hearing his sharp intake of breath, pulled away from the embrace, putting a small distance between them.
“Sirius? Is something wrong?”
Sirius looked at that amber orbes that stared questioningly at him.
‘Yes, everything is wrong. I just realized that I love you. And yet, I can never have you,’ he wanted to say.
Instead, he masked his feelings with a tense smile.
‘No, everything’s good.’