Chapter 14
She looks at me, but she no longer meets my eyes. Shame. We spend our time apart, even when we are together. I do not blame her. I have failed. In my determination to bring my family recognition and honor, I have instead brought shame and scandal. I have brought danger. The very presence I worked so hard to impress for so many years, now under my own roof, one furious moment away from slaughtering us all.
How can I protect my family when I put them into this situation? As if my own fall from grace was not enough, my failure has brought my only son into the spotlight. He was always so eager to perform and flaunt his status, but now, he is branded, expected to perform to much higher standards as a result of my own disgrace. I have not spoken with my son in months. He spends much of his time at school, under the watchful eye of Severus Snape, The Dark Lord’s highest confidant. I often wonder whether he is safer at home or surrounded by lunatics like the Carrows. These decisions are no longer my own. I am useless, as I am often reminded, kept alive purely as an example, a stain upon The Dark Lord’s reputation.
I wish I could go back, that I had not returned to him. I wish I had placed more worth on my family. Do I still have a family? Or do they merely tolerate my existence out of necessity? My wand, my life, all destroyed by a madman’s obsession. I have nothing more to give, a shell of my former self. My love, I broke all of my vows to you. Our son, our life together, all tainted by influence and greed. I am so sorry, Narcissa.