Chapter 16
~~Y/N's POV~~
Severus, he can help me, but he won't forgive me, I hurt him, I hate myself so much, how could I be so blind to the point that I killed people? How?
I felt myself getting out of breath and starting to hyperventilate and suddenly I was having a panic attack on the floor of this dusty library, alone. Tears flooded my checks faster than I could wipe them as I started to remember what one friend once said: "Count to 10 and between each number take a deep breath." To be honest the memories of them hurt more but I needed to focus. After some time I could finally relax and calm myself down.
I got up and sat at the table that I placed my lamp on to continue to defoliate the book, the answer I was looking for was nowhere to be seen, it was breaking my heart not knowing what was going to happen to me, and if I want to take Voldemort down did I have to go with him? I have a piece of his soul so for him to die completely and for that to happen he would have to go too, some being alive isn't going to allow this.
Does anyone else know about this? Suddenly, an epiphany, Hogwarts, the library must have answers but how am I going to get in?
I placed every book back in his place and picked the lamp up. I went into the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, every big division on this damn house and he was nowhere, the only place I didn't go into was his room.
I took a deep breath, bigger than I thought I could. And started to walk towards his bedroom, it was on the other side of the mansion so I had to walk a little.
I always found it enchanting how perfectly polished and the perfect shade of black, the way the sound enters perfectly when its sunrise and leaves as even when its sunset, the way the deep green curtains sat perfectly disposed on the floor and close by the window, the sound of my barefoot echoed through the hallway.
"Is everything ok, Miss Moon?" Shit. Peter. Why was he so inconvenient?
I turned around on my heel and while crossing my arms I said, "It is, why?"
He seemed way more confident than his usual self. It was weird and not normal.
"Oh, nothing Miss Moon." Ok, I guess, rat.
I turned again and started walking in the direction of Severus' room.
When I finally reached the door, I just stared at it for some time trying to gain courage. I took a really deep breath and knocked on the door 3 times.
"Coming." Oh God, now it was too late to turn back.
When he opened the door he was wearing black sweatpants and a white shirt unbuttoned, and he looked good but tired.
"Oh, Y/N, is there something you need?" I hated asking for help but I knew I couldn't do this alone.
"We need to talk." He looked like he was suspicious of me for some reason but still, he let me in.
I walked inside and it looked like he had been studying or doing something over the desk, there were a lamp and a mess of papers over the entire desk.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Where it goes. I took one shaky breath and looked at the floor, starting to play with my fingers.
"I am on your side. Please hear me out." I looked up from the floor and closed my eyes for a few seconds. "I heard what you and Voldemort were saying, how I had a piece of his soul."
Tears, the only thing I didn't want right now were threatening to flood my eyes, once again I looked at the floor.
"I don't want more people to die because of me, I am tired of being a killing machine and just a toy for Voldemort so he could bring this entire world down." It was becoming too much, my breaths became irregular and it was painful just to breathe.
"My family, even if all they did was abuse me I wish I didn't hurt them, I have their blood going through my veins, I killed everyone, it is my fault, I pushed everyone away, my friends, and then when I had you I had to ruin everything, I was happy."
Tears, they betrayed me, I tried to stop them but they were leaving my eyes like a river and there was nothing I could do to control them, I tried to wipe some of them away but I felt his fingers clean them and with a hand on my cheek and with the other he lifted my chin and his eyes were staring inside my soul, looking at every single detail on my face as if he was trying to see if this was really a dream or just a sort of prank. Oh, I get it.
I opened my mind and I could feel him look into everything, our nights, my deepest thoughts, my panic attacks, I needed to open up if I needed him to trust me.
He... He hugged me, I was in shock, it felt like it was forever since I felt his embrace, I placed my hands on his back and felt on his chest, all these emotions that for so long I put them down so I could be strong and seem intimidating to people, just came flooding me and just like that day on the Astronomy tower I end up on his arms again, enjoying each other embrace and feeling... complete and like I finally had that part of me that I searched for so long.
"I am sorry, I don't deserve you. I was so stupid to believe his stupid words and to trust him."
He gently rubbed my back up and down while humming: "It is ok, it is ok."
I pushed my head back from his chest and with my eyes filled with tears look at him right in the eyes and place my hands on his chest, his hands never leaving my back.
"Can you forgive me?" A small smile crept on to his face, a rare occasion, he had that loving look on his face that showed care, love, but also fear...
"I can. Y/N, I- I love you." Love? Did he say the word love? Does he love me?
"You do?" I need to pinch myself to make sure it is true or not.
"I do. From the moment you entered the advanced potions class last year and failed to do a simple potion but yet you never quit, you were always the first to get to class, studied harder than everyone, the small moments when you would stir a potion and get your hair all fuzzy due to the humidity and when you would get a potion wrong and would get all red and angry that you were unuseful, but you would do it a thousand times until you get it right. I love when you get somewhat happy about something you have these perfect lips curled up in an amazing smile. I love you Y/N."
His words just made me even cry more and more at the thought of leaving him, the fact that someone truly cared about me was unfamiliar but definitely something I could get used to.
"Severus, I... I love you too. More than you think, thank you, thank you for not giving up on me."
~~Severus's POV~~
I finally had her again, I had her in my arms, she was not in the best moment but she is here.
The embrace I so needed for and so desperately tried to get back and found a way back to me and I will never let go ever again. When she said she loved me back, I felt my heart could explode, I was happy, but it wasn't forever, her mind, I looked deep into it, her trauma, everything she went through, I saw what her plan was, she was going to die to save everyone and she did not plan to come back, even if she wasn't speaking about I know it breaking her apart but I won't let her do it, I need to find a way for him to die with her having to die.
[A/N: Heyyyyyyyyyyyy, I missed writing even if I took a long time to write this chapter I loved to because this is probably one of the last moments of happiness for them both.
I hope you enjoyed it as always and next week I am going to start online classes again and I will probably have the inspiration to write I hope.
Love yall. Be safe, WEAR A MASK, and most importantly TPWK. ;)]