prank
Remus is in the dorm screaming and pulling on his own hair while he cries.
“I trusted you! I fucking trusted you!! And what I hate the most is that I still love you, you asshole!”
After the prank, James and Peter are forced to listen to their friends’ brother’s cries at night because he can't sleep peacefully without the comforting presence of Sirius by his side. And they have to do everything they can to keep him from accidentally hurting himself from fury and rage.
they don't think he’s going to make it to the next moon. A blue moon, because the fates are against him and there were 2 that month
--
Sirius hasn’t been seen much since the prank. He doesn’t come by the tower much anymore, when he does it’s for a change of clothes. No one ever sees him. One day his trunk disappears from the end of his bed.
It was getting too hard to go back every so often and hear his friends' laughter as he waited outside the door for them to go to sleep.
--
James is worried. He forgave Sirius ages ago, even when he knows he shouldn’t have. But the guilt is destroying Sirius, he can see it. But he can't do anything about it. He had to pick a side and he picked Remus.
As much as he loves the werewolf as his brother, he hates to admit that he cares more for Sirius. So now he’s stuck with deciding if he should stab someone in the back to save another.
He knows why Sirius did it, and his reasoning. It was reckless and stupid and cruel, but now it made sense as to why.
--
Sirius has been staring at the wall for the past hour. He thinks it’s been an hour, time doesn’t feel very real. There’s nothing to fill it, no friends, no laughter, no people.
He’s finished his homework by now, he’s had it done hours ago. Now he just stares at the wall as the clock keeps ticking on.
The only coherent thought that circulates in his head if I fucked up. He hates me and it’s my fault.
It’s not the first night that Sirius falls asleep with tear tracks on his face. It doesn’t matter, no one knows where to find him anyways.
--
They can’t find him, Sirius.
Remus has been looking. He knows he shouldn't, he knows he should hate him. But he can’t. Not when he’s in love with the idiot. James has started to help too, both of them scanning every room that they enter.
But they can’t find that mop of black hair anywhere. He’s not in the dorm, the dining hall, or any classes. They’ve checked the astronomy tower a thousand times over but he’s just gone.
The map has disappeared along with him. Sirius obviously doesn’t want to be found.
--
The stars seem dimmer. They have been for a while now. James sits in the quidditch stands. It’s long after curfew, but sometimes he has to escape too.
it’s hard acting like everything is okay all the time for his friends when he’s crumbling inside. He hasn’t seen his best friend in weeks, going onto a month. They’ve never gone this long without talking, much less see each other.
He just wants to make sure he’s okay, and not off dead in a ditch somewhere. He knows Sirius can dig himself into a ditch when he wants. He blames himself for everything, or blows things out of proportion.
A lot.
He’s worried, so beyond worried at this point. He isn’t sure if that worry lessens or increases when he sees a thing dog gallop across the quidditch pitch in the dark.
--
Sirius doesn’t sleep much at night anymore. He doesn’t sleep much in general, not unless he can’t help it. Unless he’s exhausted and will collapse if he doesn’t sleep now.
Sometimes at night, he turns into Padfoot and just runs. He’s always hoped since he was young that if he could run fast enough, that he’d be able to leave, and escape.
But he’s never had the heart to. Not since he’s met the rest of the Marauders. They were the first people he saw as family. Real family, people who loved him and wanted to be around him.
But he fucked that up. He lost them, and they never wanted to see him again.
He had to accept it.
Sirius grew up around people who didn’t want him. He thought his family were just ignorant prats, but it turns out that maybe, it was his fault. He really is an unlovable mutt.
--
James shot up onto his feet. But the dog was already lost into the forest. At least James knew he was alive, but it wasn’t enough. Something didn’t seem right, the dog was too skinny. His ribcage didn’t use to stick out that much...
--
Remus paced his dorm. He had to find Sirius. He had to find him, he had to find him, he had to find him.
James told him about what he saw that night, about the skinny, sickly looking dog. He wouldn’t let Sirius ruin himself because of him. He loved him more than he wanted to admit.
He would find him.
--
Sirius collapsed just on the edge of the forbidden forest, by Hagrid's hut. He was chased by the centaurs, again. It gave him a thrill that he couldn’t get anymore. Made him feel alive.
Although it always left him dead tired. Sometimes it was good, it means he was able to get to sleep that night. But dawn was breaking at and the sun was rising over the trees. It wouldn’t be long before someone found him.
He barely registers the fact that he turned back to human form as his eyes drift shut.
--
Hagrid finds him that morning. This boy who is usually larger than life, with a smile that is blinding, was reduced to skin and bones, with matted hair in just a few weeks.
He lifts the all too light boy and makes his way to the Hospital Wing.
--
Sirius wakes up to white walls and bright lights.
It smells an awful lot like antiseptic and potions. He hates it because he can recognize where he is immediately.
He’s grateful that none of his friends—no, not friends. Classmates— aren’t there. He doesn’t expect them to be, although it still kind of hurts seeing as they don’t care.
--
The others weren’t told that Sirius was in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomphrey didn’t think they’d want to know, nor would they care. She sees the way Sirius has changed. How skinny and underweight he is.
No doubt they’re the cause for this change. They’re the ones that shunned and exiled him.
Although their responses weren’t uncalled for. She herself was reluctant to treat the boy at first, knowing how he hurt Remus.
But this was far more serious than she had originally thought.
--
The only reason that James found out where Sirius was there was because he had to help bring a quidditch teammate. Their keeper blocked a shot wrong and sprained his wrist. There was an upcoming match against Slytherin this weekend, so he wasn’t taking any risks.
He saw Sirius lying unconscious in the hospital bed. Well, he thought he was unconscious.
--
Sirius woke to James’ voice. He hasn’t heard that voice in so long. He misses him.
His eyes stayed shut, he wonders if he had opened them would James have stayed?
He heard James’ look curse, before heavy footsteps and the door to the Hospital Wing slamming shut. He can’t help but be disappointed that even just his appearance is enough to make someone flee.
--
Remus is seething by the time he gets down all the staircases and reaches the hospital wing. James had rushed up to tell him that Sirius was there and he was breathing.
He wasn’t in the best of shape but he would be okay. They could help him and make him okay, even just a little bit to make him feel better.
The door to the Hospital Wing swung open as Remus and James stormed in.
--
Sirius startles from where he’s trying to fall back asleep. He wasn’t being very successful anyways.
He sits up quickly, looking towards the source of the sound. His head is pounding slightly and his vision dances before his eyes before blacking out for a moment from sitting up too fast.
When it clears, he can finally see. And what he sees terrifies him.
Both James and Remus are storming towards him, a matching unreadable expression covering their faces.
Sirius wanted nothing more than to shrink up and melt into the Hospital bed.
--
“The hell were you thinking Black??” James’ voice was loud, he only ever yelled when he was joking or really fucking pissed. Sirius didn’t think it was the former with his luck.
He flinched away from the voice,
This was the first time he’s been addressed in a long time. The first time someone was actually trying to communicate with him in something other than glares in weeks.
But you deserve this. They hate you. They should hate you, you fucked up. You shouldn’t be here, lying in this bed. You don’t deserve it.
He tried to get the voice in his head to shut up, but it wouldn’t. It was right anyways.
--
Remus looked at his best friend. Someone he used to call his boyfriend. He wished he still did.
Sirius looked tiny in that bed. Like a spooked animal with wide eyes, frantically looking around for an escape. He merely shrugged at James’ question, eyes dropping down at his hands as to not have to look at them.
Remus’ heart broke.
I did this. He thought. I love him so much and yet this is my fault. I reduced him to-to this!
--
James didn’t know who he was madder at. Sirius or himself.
Then again, Sirius only did what they asked. They told him to stay away, to stop talking because they didn’t want to hear it.
Sirius really couldn’t be blamed for running.
--
They spent the rest of the day in the Hospital Wing. Making sure Sirius stayed and ate, and maybe one day he will be okay.
Sirius couldn’t believe it when they said he was welcomed back. That they didn’t hate him. He cried.
He got his friends back that day, he had his family again.
Madam Pomphrey was relieved to see the gang back together again. Although she might be seeing Mr. Snape a lot more...