Chapter 9
Everyone else: *is at least vaguely concerned*
Cullen: "Is he shining? No literally like is he glowing?? What kind of mortal man looks That attractive?? Not necessarily in a gay way or anything, well maybe a little... Or a lot but regardless look at his hair, I bet it's soft... Table I just think I should be allowed to-"
Whoever he was talking to, probably Josephine or Leliana: *Walks away, very tired of All This already*
Desmond was just ",,,, what?? But that's a baby??
Merlin and Arthur tag along with Harry Potter (and the Chamber of Secrets)
I love how Harry's just like: "Man there sure is some weird shit going down over there .. but that's none of my business."
And then the universe is just like: "It will be. /T"
Merlin and Arthur tag along with Harry Potter (and the Chamber of Secrets)
Harry: "And then Draco-I mean Malfoy's dad said 'can we PLEASE talk about something that ISN'T Harry Potter for ONCE. Please my son ANYTHING At All.' and then Draco, I mean Malfoy pouted about it. What do you guys think that means?"
Merlin, an opportunist first and foremost: "Ya'know, you and Draco remind me of Arthur and I."
Harry, having his first gay panic: *👁️👄👁️*
Ron: "Wha-buh-he's-but-"
Merlin: *rolls over and immediately goes to sleep, because it's funny*
Me: "I'm sure eat was an autocorrect."
The author apparently: "No no you read that right, cannibalism and energy absorbing technically but-"
What it means to be an Uzumaki
Shikaku: "how was the mission son?"
Shikamaru: "Shadow teleporting is a thing now ig???"
Shikaku: "I- no?????? Stop doing weird stuff??????
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Snake
Tom: *holding Harry* "I've had Harry for approximately two seconds but if anything happens to him I kill everyone on Earth and then myself!"
Also
Tom: "What do you mean feelings? I'm not crying I'm bleeding from my eyes like a normal person!"
Remus: "Actually you're actively sobbing rn but sure okay, we'll deal with that later."
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Also a Snake is There
Tom: "I have followers and that's it! I don't make friends cause I don't need them. Period. End of story."
Harry, Remus, Percy, and Oliver: *exists*
Tom: "This ain't about them and THEY DON'T COUNT!"
Tom: "I don't know what the big deal is but I'm sure this loona girl is just a little weird."
Luna, about to explain wrackspurts and elder ring lore in a singular breath " and so basically if the Weasleys end up in charge at just the right moment they get this weird blood curse and-"
Tom: "Yeah okay sure whatever just do the freaking magic trick"
Luna: "okay" *does a funky dance*
Everyone: *loses their wands*
Tom, immediately and without hesitation because she's powerful AND worthy and round two seems to think that's important (it is): *actively and immediately picking up Luna to add to his pile of Definitely Not Friends and Also Family Haha Stfu Harry Nobody Asked you*
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Also a Snake is There
Sirius:*half dead*
James and Lily, in front of a blackboard: "-and so when the depressed edgy teenager says he's fine he really means?"
Sirius: *half dead and not entirely certain what he did to deserve this but always willing to learn new tricks, get it? Cause he's a dog and he's-* "he needs his chocolate?"
James: "Not really?"
Lily, considering: "I mean... I suppose yeah?"
Peter Pettigrew and the Ghost of Christmas James
Someone: "I'm really tired of cryptic and/or mysterious stuff, I'm gonna go adopt Harry Potter!"
Any and all versions of baby Harry Potter in genuinely every single possible universe: *chilling with random horrors of the universe and other Eldritch beings and otherwise forgotten deities*
Peter Pettigrew and the Ghost of Christmas James
Peter: "I care literally only about myself and no one else."
Peter, upon reserving his code: "... but Harry and James and Lily and Sirius and Remus and by extension Regulus don't count!"
The Narrator: "... Mhmm, sure bud."
Planet could literally be exploding and he's just "I know you can do it my boy"
Meanwhile Harry's like "GOD PLEASE ANYONE HELP ME I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO MATH ATP WHY AM I SAVING THE WORLD????? AGAIN???????"
Dumbledore after Harry saves the world is also like "I knew you could do it my boy"